


Caught Looking

by draco_illius_noctis



Series: Caught Looking World [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anders is a star pitcher, Angst, Anxiety, Background Poly, Background Relationships, Baseball, Celebrity Crush, Dirty Talk, Frottage, Happy Ending, Hawke is an awkward baker, Homophobia, I swear this is a happy story, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Phone Sex, Polyamory, Sexting, Slow Build, Very very brief mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 08:25:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 182,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3803575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draco_illius_noctis/pseuds/draco_illius_noctis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrett Hawke works in a bakery and loves baseball. His favorite team - the Kirkwall Champions - has signed one of the hottest players in the league: a cocky young pitcher named Anders. </p><p>As one of Garrett's favorite players (and current crush), he can't believe it when the ace comes strolling into his bakery one day, on the hunt for the perfect croissant. Then he returns a few weeks later...and things really start to get interesting.</p><p>Author's Note: You don't need to understand/like baseball to enjoy this story. Rated E stuff starts in chapter 6.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is so totally indulgent on my part - my favorite sport, my favorite game series and my otp all smooshed together into...this.
> 
> I'm a huge baseball dork, but I tried not to get too technical or weighed down in details of the game itself. Also my first time messing around with first person POV.
> 
> Not beta'd, so feel free to correct me if you spot any mistakes.
> 
> There is some fantastic artwork for this chapter! Thank you so much <3
> 
> [You know why Anders is so well known?](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/post/128526929330/kinloch-ho-you-know-why-anders-is-so-well)
> 
> [Anders portrait](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/post/128069533230/kidneypunches-i-was-talking-to)

Baseball.

My one true love. My home. My family.

It’s Opening Day – more exciting than Christmas and birthdays and perfectly cooked stadium hot dogs.

I’m bouncing impatiently and I must look like a lunatic to the people around me. A grown man (large, bearded grown man) jumping around like a kid in a candy shop.

_Where is he?!_

I finally managed to get the seats I've been waiting for my whole life: Opening Day, front row, right next to the dugout. Right in front of the path the players will walk for the pre-game ceremony. I’ll be so close I can almost touch them. _Touch_ them.

_Okay, don’t be creepy, Garrett._

I feel a tug on my right sleeve as my sister Bethany entwines her arm through mine. She gives me this super excited grin as Carver (her twin) appears on her other side. Even with his baseball hat covering part of his face I can tell he’s scowling. Carver doesn't do well in crowds.

“Do you think he’ll walk near us, Gare?” Bethany asks hopefully as she cuts off my circulation.

“Probably,” I respond, trying to appear casual.

I know exactly who she’s talking about. My team – the Kirkwall Champions - had made a major off-season deal and landed one of the top players in the entire league: a brash, arrogant, (handsome) and extremely talented young pitcher who went solely by the name Anders.

 _Like some kind of rock star,_ I think, smiling dumbly.

Bethany, like almost every other female fan I know, has a hopeless crush on the guy. It's kind of…weird having a crush on the same guy as your sister. But it's easy to see why he was so popular. He was the classic “bad boy”; he kept his hair a little longer than most, pulled back in a small ponytail most of the time. He did what he wanted, when he wanted, and his mouth had gotten him into trouble more than once. He had a perpetual smirk on his face and could charm the pants off of anyone.

Or so they say. I would volunteer to test that theory. _For science._

I had always admired him, even when he wasn’t on the Champions. For his skill _and_ his attitude. He was _cool_. Unlike me. I'm just a regular 20-something guy who works in a bakery and obsesses over baseball. I’m not usually attracted to athletes (too much like Carver), but there was something about Anders that appealed to me.

I stopped hiding the fact that I obsessively searched for details of his personal life. Didn’t everyone? I mean, that was normal, right? Bethany would roll her eyes but then she would appear over my shoulder, stopping me when I swiped away too fast.

I snapped out of my daydream. _I’m cool. It's cool. Please don’t do something stupid, Garrett._

Bethany grins wider as she untangles herself from my arm ( _precious blood, welcome back_ ) and onto Carver instead. Carver rolls his eyes at her excitement but I caught the smile he gave her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Carver thinks he’s a lot cooler than he actually is.

Just then, the music changes and the announcer’s voice comes booming over the PA system. Bethany squeals beside me, and I just know I have the biggest, goofiest grin on my face right now.

I get way too emotional during these ceremonies. There’s so much hope, so many possibilities laying before us. So much pride that this is my team, and I’ll be right here cheering for them, win or lose.

The crowd erupts in a roar as the announcer begins. Traditionally, the visiting team gets announced first. This year we’re were opening against the Starkhaven Avengers. The Champions and Avengers have one of the biggest rivalries in baseball, constantly battling it out for the top spot in our division.

I don’t like their shortstop. Sebastian Vael. Even his name annoys me. His nickname is “The Prince” since his dad was a hot shot player back in the day. I suspect it’s really because he acts like a spoiled brat. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. He’s one of those guys that makes a big deal about how religious he is and feels the need to mention it in every other sentence. He’s pretentious and overrated, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to Anders knocking him down a peg today.

I start bouncing insanely again as I wait for all the visiting players to finish being announced. Bethy is leaning over the side of the small wall in front of us, trying to get a better view. Carver is pretending he’s not excited, but I know this means as much to him as it does to Beth and me.

Our dad used to take us to Opening Day every year, and then to a ton of games during the rest of the season. After he died a few years ago, the three of us made a pact to keep the tradition alive. I think we look forward to this day more than any other day of the year. I know I do.

Finally, _finally_ the music changes again, and I can see the team hovering in the entranceway to the field. Bethany grabs one of my hands and squeezes, and I can tell she’s doing the same to Carver.

They announce the coaches first, and I make a note of the route they’re going to take before they stand on the field. They’re going to pass right by us. _Right in front of us._ I see Beth grab her cellphone, which reminds me to grab mine. We agreed before the game that she would take pictures and I would record video, so we didn’t miss a thing. Carver could just stand there…being Carver.

Finally, they start announcing the team. Relief pitchers and bench players come jogging by, waving at the crowd as they join the coaches lining the base path. I can see Beth’s finger tapping in a blur on her phone as I try to keep mine steady.

Then comes the starting line-up. Bethany squeals again next to me as they start. They’ll announce Anders’ name last, since he’ll be at the end of the line-up.

But oh no. _Oh no._ They announce the catcher and say the words I had totally forgotten about. How did I not remember?!

_Warming up in the bullpen._

No! Bethany and I look at each other in horror as we come to the realization at the same time.

No Anders. He’s in the bullpen warming up, way, way on the other side of the field. Away from us. Away from my excitement and my cheers and my _camera_. I knew he was there too; Beth and I had commented on it during warm-ups. We both just forgot.

I can feel my stomach drop with disappointment, but I quickly push it away as the rest of the team is announced. I’m here for _them_ , not just him.

Plus, we’re sitting right next to the dugout. He has to walk near us eventually.

They finally announce Anders, and the Jumbotron switches over to a shot of him throwing. He has a look of determination on his face, so focused, so different from his usual carefree grin.

 _God, he’s so hot_ , I think pathetically. _Get a grip, Garrett._

The National Anthem begins and Beth and I put down our phones. We’ll neurotically go over every picture once we get home. The rest of the ceremony goes by in a flash, capped off by a big fireworks display. We're still on our feet as the ceremony ends, waiting for the team to take the field.

Then, there he is.

We see him the same time as everyone else, jogging in from center field towards the pitching mound, and the crowd erupts again. Beth is cheering as she bounces next to me and keeps slapping Carver on the arm. I'm cheering and clapping as loud as I can.

Anders is totally focused, though, you would think he was by himself out there. He mentioned in an interview one time that he feeds off the crowd, loves the attention. He must be loving it now, because I can't remember the last time one player got this much applause.

We finally settle into our seats as the game gets ready to start. I see Bethany take out her phone again and Carver digs into his bag of peanuts. Bethany nudges me, laughing.

“Bela wants to know if you fainted,” she grins, showing me the text. I roll my eyes but can't help but laugh.

Three of our other friends are also at the game but are sitting a couple levels above where we are. Isabela is there, along with Fenris (my best friend) and Merrill, the object of Carver’s secret affections. We aren’t allowed to mention that. We're supposed to meet up with them a few innings into the game.

I see Carver casually pull out his own phone, no doubt making some clumsy attempt to text Merrill. Luckily, she's the sweetest person we know and doesn't find Carver awkward at all. We also think she's completely oblivious to his crush.

I turn my attention back to the game where Anders is getting ready to throw his first pitch. I'm on the edge of my seat, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees as I watch. Strike one! We all cheer. Strike two!

 _Here we go,_ I think. I don't even realize I'm tapping my foot like crazy until Beth lays her hand on my knee, stopping me.

Strike three! We stand up again, cheering the first out of the game. Anders smirks as he rolls his shoulders, ready for the next batter. Piece of cake. The second guy goes down just as easy as the first.

Batter number three. Ugh. There he is. _Vael_. I start booing with some of the other people around me, including my siblings (I’m so proud), as he walks to the plate. That cocky strut, the way he taps his feet in the batter’s box, the…fact that he exists. It all annoys me.

Anders takes a little longer this time, focusing.

 _Come on!_ I'm chanting in my head. Part of me wants Anders to hit him with a pitch, but I don't want someone on base. _It would be nice, though_ , I sigh wistfully.

First pitch is a ball and I groan as Vael smirks, briefly tipping his batting helmet towards Anders, mockingly.

Anders just stands in his crouch for a minute, and I can tell he's annoyed. I've watched him closely enough over the years to tell these small quirks.

Second pitch is a strike, but not by much. Okay, better. Third is another strike, followed by another ball and Vael is ready. I know how he is, he’ll gloat if he gets walked. Anders pauses again, shaking off the signs from the catcher as I start bouncing my leg again.

“Oooh he's pissed,” Beth says as she grabs my knee again. People can say what they want about girls and sports, but my Bethy knows more than anyone I know about the game, and she picks up on the same signs I do.

The next pitch is inside, almost grazing The Prince’s precious chin and wow, talk about a temper. Vael stalks forward a few steps, pointing at Anders as he yells. He thinks it was intentional (so do I). The catcher and umpire come to pull him back as I see Carver jump up and start screaming obscenities right back. That's my brother, always ready for a fight.

Anders just smirks and turns around, stretching his arm and totally unfazed.

“He so did that on purpose!” Beth laughs, as she tugs Carver’s arm to pull him back down.

“Totally,” I nod in agreement. “He's so awesome,” I grin. It’s a full count. Now he just needs to get the asshole out.

Anders gets in his stance, and I notice the little shrug he does as he winds up. Beth slaps my arm; she saw it too.

You know why Anders is so well known? Not just for all the reasons I've already gushed about. He has a pitch that no one else has been able to replicate; it's become something of a legend in baseball already. The analysts dubbed it “the electricity trick” because it's so _shocking_ (ha) when it flies by you. He uses it sparingly, but no one has been able to hit it.

_Ever._

And he does that little shrug just before he throws it.

Beth whispers to Carver, and I see the two of them lean forward just like me, holding our collective breaths.

Here it comes…

Vael never even saw it coming. The umpire calls him out and he throws his bat down in fury as he starts arguing. We’re on our feet cheering as the team comes jogging back into the dugout. Anders gets a pat on the back from the catcher and gives the fans a small grin as he disappears out of sight.

He knows what he's doing. _God, this guy is awesome,_ I think again. Beth squeezes me around my waist and Carver gives me a high five. We all hoped he would throw the pitch once this game (like I said, it's rare) so this just pretty much made our entire night.

I feel my phone buzz as I sit back down.

**Fenris:** _I’m supposed to be asking you a ridiculously vulgar question from Isabela but I won't. Pretend I did._

I grin. What a pal. I text him back.

 **Me:** Just _answer whatever you think I would say. I trust you, haha._

Five seconds later my phone buzzes again.

**Isabela:** _I wanted to know if u came in ur pants after that last pitch, LOL! ^_^_

I groan and put my head down. Bethany leans over to read the text and covers her mouth to hide her giggle. I glare at her quickly as I reply.

 **Me:** _No_. _Stop thinking about what's in my pants._

I don't bother to put my phone away, and sure enough, it buzzes two seconds later.

**Isabela:** _Ooh ur sassy today. Guess u r all hot and bothered ;)))_

I shake my head and text Fenris instead.

**Me:** _Please stop her._

The Champs are up to bat now and I'd like to be able to pay attention to them. We have a nice lineup this year, with a few big home run hitters. It should be an exciting season.

My phone buzzes again.

**Fenris:** _I told her to bother Carver. Ha._

That Fenris, what a genius. I hear Carver groan quietly and I text Fenris back with a smiley face. Carver gets flustered much more easily than I do; Isabela will have a ball.

Our side doesn’t have much luck hitting this inning either, and before I know it, Anders is back on the mound. The next couple innings fly by, neither side scoring and Anders pitching to near perfection. Now we just need some runs.

The fourth inning rolls around and Bethany tells me she’s hungry. I text Fenris and see if they want to meet us halfway and grab some food. I send him the section number to meet us and tell him we’ll be there in between innings (I’m not getting up while Anders is pitching).

As the teams switch, I nudge Beth and Carver and point towards the concourse. We head up to the main level and see the other three waiting for us a little ways down. I do this really big dramatic wave to get their attention.

It’s about 50 degrees outside, and Isabela is wearing cut-offs and a Champions jersey that she has knotted at her middle, exposing her stomach.

“How are you not freezing?” I ask her incredulously. I’m in 3 layers and I still get a chill when the wind blows.

Isabela just scoffs at me. “You never know when you’ll run into a dashing major leaguer,” she says, hand on her hip.

I roll my eyes. “In the _stands_? _During_ the game?”

Bethany pats my arm as Isabela grins. “Why are you arguing, Gare?” Beth asks laughing.

I shake my head as I let the two of them link arms and walk ahead, dropping back to walk next to Fenris. He, on the other hand, is dressed in his usual all black attire, complete with black beanie covering his white hair. He has his camera bag slung over one shoulder as well, and I’m excited. Fenris is in art school and even though he dabbles in a bit of everything, he seems to prefer photography and digital imaging. And he’s talented. I can’t wait to see what kind of shots he got.

Carver has managed to get Merrill off to the side and I can see him grinning as she talks, gesturing her arms wildly at whatever she’s describing. It’s actually kinda cute to see him like that.

“So are you getting through the game in one piece with those two?” I ask Fenris. He snorts.

“Isabela has been talking to the guys next to her more than watching the game, and Merrill spends most of her time asking me what’s going on,” he replies. “And since I don’t know half the time, she finally gave up and started asking Carver instead.”

I grin. Sounds about right. My friends aren't big baseball fans. They're more the “it's fun to go to the ballpark and hang out” kind of people. Which is cool, I don't expect everyone to be as obsessed as me. And we always have a good time.

I see Fenris giving me an appraising look.

“What about you? Enjoying the pitcher – oh sorry, I mean, game?” he smirks.

I laugh and probably blush more than I should. “I am enjoying the _game_ just fine, thank you.” I pause for a minute. “Actually, it’s pretty amazing…”

I babble for a while, describing everything. Fenris doesn’t care, but he humors me anyway. That’s why he’s such a good friend. He knows I know he doesn’t care, but still listens anyway.

We finally get to the concession stand. The twins and I have a very specific place we go to every year. They serve these amazing hot dogs and french fries covered in cheese and bacon, and I don’t know why it’s so fantastic but it was our dad’s favorite so it became our favorite too.

Fenris and I get in line. He tells me they already had something to eat when they got there (Bela was complaining loudly that she was starving), but he could eat again. Bethany slides up next to me and Carver and Merrill join us a minute later. I have no idea where Isabela went.

I’m all jittery as we wait. They have TVs up everywhere to show the game but I’m anxious to be back in my seat. I love my friends and all, but…these are seats of a lifetime. We order and walk towards the edge of the concourse to watch as we eat.

Bela shows back up a few minutes later, holding 2 big bags of cotton candy as she eats out of a third. She hands one each to Bethany and Merrill, who both smile like little kids.

“Oooh Bela, how much do I owe you?” Merrill coos as she opens her bag.

Isabela shrugs. “Nothing. I went and chatted with the guy selling them and he gave me a bag for free.” I groan as she grins. “Then I told him I had two _very_ cute friends who would also love some, and he gave me two more.” She looks at us triumphantly.

I don’t know how she does it. Everywhere we go, she somehow walks away without paying for anything. I can’t help but admire her for it.

I turn back to the game as I see Anders walking back out to the mound. We’re halfway through the game now, and he still hasn’t allowed a run.

“Garrett, you have some ketchup in your beard,” Bethany stage-whispers to me. I wipe absentmindedly as I keep my eyes on the game. I don’t have _time_ to worry about a ketchup beard right now.

Anders is in trouble. He walks the first batter, and I can see from his posture that he’s frustrated. He walks the second batter as well. Oh no. This is not good. Carver and Fenris had gone back to the concession stand to get some more food and Fenris quietly reappears next to me, sliding another hot dog and big cup of french fries down the table at me. I nod my thanks, but I’m too nervous to eat.

I start tapping my foot again impatiently as the catcher walks out to the mound to talk briefly with Anders. I look over at the batters box to see who’s up next and…oh great. It’s Vael again. Bethany is on my other side and she starts tapping her fingernails on the table, just as nervous as I am.

Bela laughs. “You would think you two are the twins, not this big lug.” She gestures towards Carver, who isn’t paying one bit of attention to her (or the game, for that matter) as Merrill is describing a rabbit she found on her way to work the other day.

The catcher jogs back behind home plate as Anders takes a big breath and exhales, calming himself. I’m ridiculously nervous right now. Two people are on base and Vael is going to be aggressive, swinging for a home run. Especially after Anders embarrassed him in the first inning.

Isabela sneaks up in between Beth and me and starts stealing my fries. I finally just push them towards her and she gives me a quick peck on the cheek before wandering back towards Merrill and Carver.

Anders is ready. First pitch is a strike, right down the middle. I clap but it’s too soon to get excited. Second pitch is off the plate, but Vael swings anyway. Strike two!

 _Jackass_ , I think smugly. Beth nudges me again as she snakes her hand into the crook of my elbow.

Anders pauses again, shaking off the catcher three times. I’m happy I’m wearing so many layers right now because I can feel Bethany’s nails digging into me painfully.

We’re too far up for me to be able to make out a lot of details, but I can see Anders is stalling for time.

“Smart,” I mutter.

“What is?” Fenris asks.

“He’s taking his time, making Vael wait for it,” I explain. “Vael has no patience, and the longer he waits, the worse he gets,” I grin. Like I said before, Anders sure as hell knows what he’s doing. This is why he’s the best.

Fenris snorts in response. I hear Carver shush Merrill for a second (I’m shocked) as he turns his attention back to the game as well.

Anders throws and…Vael makes contact. I hear the loud crack of the bat and see Anders jolt to the side as he falls. Beth cries out next to me and I stare in silent horror.

_Oh God oh God oh God._

But then…Anders holds up his glove.

“HE CAUGHT THE FUCKING BALL!” Carver screams. The crowd roars as Vael holds out his arms in disbelief at first base.

I’m still staring at the field in shock as Bethany starts laughing and claps as she cheers. Even Fenris is clapping, and I can hear Bela whistling loudly.

Vael isn’t happy. I can see him arguing with the umpire again, and the Avengers’ coach is calling for a review. But they’re showing the replay on the Jumbotron, slowed down, and it’s perfectly clear that Anders snagged the ball and lost his balance by the sheer force of the hit.

The crowd cheers again as the umpire upholds his call and Vael has to sulk back to his dugout. The next batter hits a mediocre blooper that turns into a double play, and just like that, they’re out of the inning.

I turn and grin at everyone as if I had something to do with it. Fenris just laughs quietly as he shakes his head and Beth hugs me around my middle.

“Well, guys,” I say, stretching, “it’s been great, but all this excitement has made me tired. Think I’m gonna head back to my seat.”

Fenris nods as Bela pouts.

“Oh, you’re no fun, Hawkey,” she whines.

Carver glances at us nervously. “I’m um, going to stay and chat with Merrill a little longer. Meet you guys later?”

Merrill looks at him with her big doe eyes, and I see Bethany grin next to me.

“I’ll switch seats with you, if you want,” Fenris offers. Carver and Bela both brighten.

“Oooh yes, come sit with us, sweet thing,” she purrs, sliding up to Carver and rubbing his bicep. He blushes and glances at Merrill, who is smiling sweetly at him.

“Al…right,” he says. He fishes out his ticket and switches with Fenris, just in case someone checks.

I slap Carver on the shoulder and grin. “I’ll text you when the game is done. Or uh,” I glance at Bela, “you let me know if you want to come back.”

Carver nods and I grab the rest of my food and head back to our section with Beth and Fenris. I’m excited; I know Fenris doesn’t care about the seat as much as Carver, but I’m happy I get to share this experience with him. And I can tell he’s looking forward to taking some pictures from such a great vantage point.

We get back to our seats with the sixth inning starting and Anders heading back out to the mound. Fenris immediately takes out his camera and starts adjusting his lens. Now I’m really excited. I want to say something about getting some good shots of Anders but I don’t want to sound creepy. Creepier. Whatever. Bethy ends up saving me anyway.

“Make sure you get plenty of shots of Anders,” she says, leaning across me to Fenris.

Fenris smirks in response. “Don’t worry, I know Hawke will never speak to me again if I don’t.”

I huff and roll my eyes like I’m offended, but they both know I’m full of it. I pat Beth’s leg though in thanks before settling in.

Fenris starts snapping away as they begin. Anders has another smooth inning but I’m starting to get anxious. We need some runs.

Luckily this inning one of our best hitters is up – this hulking, surly outfielder named Blackwall. If there’s anyone who will get us on the board, it’s him.

The first guy gets walked, and I clap. Their pitcher looks like he’s wearing down, which means he’s getting sloppy. Next guy hits a long single, and now we have people on first and third with Blackwall coming to bat. I’m bouncing my leg again; all we need is a single to get the guy on third home and take the lead.

Fenris is still snapping away next to me. I don’t even know how many pictures he must have taken already, but it has to be a ton.

“Come onnnnnnn,” I hear Beth whisper next to me. I lean forward in my seat again and rest my elbows on the wall in front of us. I’m so nervous I can barely sit still.

Blackwall looks like he could kill me. We’re actually probably not that far apart in size (he’s definitely bulkier) but he just _looks_ terrifying. He’s staring down the pitcher, and I think I would probably just walk him to get him away from me as soon as possible. Glad he’s on our side.

Like I said, the pitcher is getting tired and Blackwall smoothly drives the ball into right field. Our guy on third base makes it home easily. Beth and I jump up at the same time, cheering along with the rest of the crowd. It’s only one run, but I feel a little better.

The pitcher is rattled now, and he starts glancing towards the people on base a lot more often. His pitches are losing control, and our next two batters get hits, which brings our total to three. The rest of the inning breezes by, and to my disappointment, Anders does not come out to pitch the 7th.

Beth squeezes my knee. “He did _awesome_ ,” she grins.

I smile in return. He did do awesome. Even though I wish he would have stayed in the whole game, I guess it’s better to not overwork him so soon. There’s the whole season ahead of us.

Now that the excitement (and stress) of that inning is over, I suddenly realize how hungry I am. I think I ate a hot dog? I must have. It’s all a blur of Anders falling and me screaming and ridiculous excitement.

I really don’t feel like moving. I glance at Beth, who is absentmindedly watching the game as she texts, and Fenris, who is still snapping pictures. I sigh, looking over my shoulder at the concession stand.

So many stairs. So far to walk.

“Hey Beeeeth,” I nudge my sister. “You hungry?”

She doesn’t even bother to look up. “I’m not going to get you food, Garrett. You had your chance.”

Hmph. I turn to Fenris. My best friend. My best, best friend who surely must be concerned with my imminent starvation.

“Hey F–“

“No.”

I slump in my seat and give a dramatic groan. I’m the only one who actually wants to _watch_ the game, they should take pity on me.

“Does anyone want anything?” I sigh as I stand. Fenris shakes his head no and Beth gives me this big, innocent smile.

“You could always get me an ice cream in one of those little helmets…” she suggests, sweetly.

I scoff and roll my eyes. She just grins and turns back to her phone; she knows I always give in. I spoil her way too much.

I trudge slowly up the stairs. The adrenaline from the last few hours is gone, and I’m suddenly really, really tired. I head to the closest stand and buy a tray full of food, including Beth’s dumb ice cream. I get a little extra in case Fenris wants something after all.

Beth cheers as I get back to my seat and hand her her ice cream. She always keeps those little helmets and washes them out when we get home. There’s like an entire shelf full of them in her room.

I look at Fenris and gesture to the food to see if he wants any. He hesitates as he looks at it, but shakes his head. He must not realize I can see through him by now, so I put a hot dog in his lap with a couple napkins and don’t say a word. He does this shy little smile as he opens the wrapper, and I’m happy. Fenris is really big on being independent and not allowing people to give him things, but I’m just so irresistible he usually lets me treat him. Plus, he bought me like $15 worth of food earlier, and Bela stole most of it. It’s the least I can do.

I _finally_ relax in my seat and enjoy my food as I watch the rest of the game. There is no leaving early for the Hawke family; I will stay here through 20 innings if I have to (but please, not tonight).

The Avengers end up not scoring at all, and I’m extra happy that Vael didn’t manage to get a hit the entire game. I’m up and cheering with the remainder of the crowd – a big one, I’m happy to see – as the players walk out on the field and congratulate each other on the win.

Anders is getting a lot of attention, and I can see the reporters waiting to talk to him. He’s smirking, clearly proud of himself as he high fives the rest of the team. I notice Fenris has taken his camera back out and is rapidly taking pictures as the players head back to the dugout.

The reporters pull Anders aside and I can’t hear what they’re saying, so we just sort of mill around to make sure we don’t miss anything, until he walks into the dugout too.

I stretch as I grin at Beth and Fenris.

“How awesome was that?” I ask as Bethany gives my arm a quick squeeze. Fenris just makes some humming noise as he puts his camera bag back over his shoulder. I seriously want to see those pictures.

“Carver said the three of them will meet us outside Gate B,” Beth announces, looking at her phone. I take one last look at the field and grin as we walk up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is most likely the only chapter that will focus this closely/this detailed on the game itself (although it was fun to write!). I admit it may be clumsy to start, I'm still getting the hang of this POV but I think it gets smoother as it goes along.
> 
> Anders isn't based on any specific player. My favorite team has a good chance of being horrendously bad (again) this season, so the Champions are going to help me work through that sadness, lol.
> 
> Comments/critiques/kudos are welcome! Feel free to distract me on [tumblr](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com//) as well. Distractions are good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang hangs out after the game. Garrett gets a very unexpected surprise at work one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Garrett. My sweet, overly-enthusiastic man.

We meet up with the other three outside the stadium. Bethany skips up to them as Fenris and I walk behind. I’m exhausted and I have to work early the next morning, but I also really don’t want to go home yet.

“Want to go to Bianca’s, Hawkey?” Isabela asks, grabbing my hand.

Bianca’s is a sports bar down the road from the stadium, and we’ve become friends with the owner, Varric. Sometimes when we don’t have tickets for the game we’ll go there and watch instead.

I sigh. I literally have to be at work in seven hours ( _of course_ I have the morning shift tomorrow), but I decide to suck it up.

“Sure, let’s go,” I grin as I wrap my arm around Bela’s shoulders. She cheers and wraps an arm around my waist. We’re joined shortly by Beth, who appears on my other side, and I wrap an arm around her as well. Some random guy walks by and whistles at us.

“Nice one, dude!” he yells at me, nodding in appreciation. I roll my eyes as Bela winks and Beth laughs.

We pile into our two cars (Carver and Isabela with Merrill, Bethany and Fenris with me) and head down to the bar. The twins still get a kick out of going to the place, since they haven’t been of legal drinking age for very long. I just really, really like their wings.

The place is packed when we get there, which I should have expected, but no one else seems to mind. We crowd our way inside, and I head to the bar with Fenris while the others try to find someplace to sit.

“Hey! I was wondering if you guys were stopping by tonight,” Varric shouts as he tosses a towel over his shoulder. Fenris nods hello as I grin.

“We got the _best_ seats for the game tonight,” I tell Varric. I don’t even wait for him to ask about it before I start rushing into the story. Varric just smirks and nods while I ramble.

“Well, you picked a great one. Blondie sure is something, huh?” he laughs.

Varric has a nickname for almost everyone, whether he knows them personally or not. Anders is Blondie. Beth is Sunshine; Fenris is Broody; Merrill is Daisy. I’m not even sure where he comes up with these things. I have no nickname…I’m just Hawke.

Fenris groans at the comment. “Don’t get him started again,” he begs. This only makes Varric grin more.

“Sounds like our Hawke has a case of hero-worship,” he remarks. I shake my head as I blush. We don’t need to announce to the entire bar that I have a crush on the guy.

“Something like that,” Fenris snorts. Varric just laughs and pulls out a few glasses.

“How many tonight? The girls and Junior with you?” he asks. I nod my head and give him our order. We decide to wait at the bar instead of wading our way through the mass of people and back.

I lean back against the bar as I search for the others, and I see them crowded around a small table with only 4 chairs. I guess it was the only one available. Bela is lounging in one with her feet up on a second, Beth is next to her, and Carver, somehow, has gotten Merrill to perch on his leg. I burst out with laughter as I nudge Fenris and point towards them. He grins as well.

“Don’t think I’m sitting on your lap,” he smirks.

“You can have Bela and graciously let Beth and I have our own seats,” I suggest. Fenris sighs.

“Please do not encourage Isabela,” he moans. “She touches me enough as it is.”

“Does she now?” I reply, wiggling my eyebrows.

Fenris just scowls in return. “You know what I mean.”

Bela does seem to have a particular fondness for Fenris. I secretly think she’s attracted to the dark and intense types, but doesn’t let on since she flirts with everyone. Fenris has these white line tattoos that cover pretty much his whole body - almost like a spider web - and Bela tells him all the time that she “just wants to find out where they go.”

Fenris was in a…not so great relationship a few years ago and hasn’t shown any interest in anyone since then. Bela caught on to that quick and has enough sense to respect his boundaries. Plus I think she also realizes anyone who tries to bother Fenris needs to come through me first.

Varric returns a few minutes later with our order, and I wave Beth over to help carry everything. We head back to the table to see Carver blushing and Merrill giggling as Isabela looks smug.

“Having fun?” I ask.

“ _So_ much fun,” Isabela responds, moving her legs so Bethany can sit. Carver just shakes his head.

“Bela was just teasing Carver,” Merrill explains very sweetly as Carver groans.

“Why is it always about sex with you?” he grumbles at Bela.

“It's not,” she replies, smiling wider. “Sometimes it's about sex with other people.”

Beth and I start laughing as Carver just looks away, still red. Merrill is looking at us confused before touching her hand gently to Carver’s shoulder.

“Oh, did I miss something dirty?” she asks him.

If possible, Carver gets even more flustered. “What? No! It wasn't…it wasn't anything.”

“Oh?” Merrill replies, still looking perplexed. “I only ask because I miss a lot of dirty things and sometimes I wouldn't mind hearing them.”

Carver is totally stunned and just stares at Merrill, wide-eyed. “W…Would you now?” he stutters.

I’m dying of laughter and Beth keeps swatting my arm to get me to hush. Poor Carver. Bela is laughing as well and trots over to where I’m sitting, allowing Fenris to have her seat. She plops down on my lap and slings an arm around my shoulder as she takes her drink.

“Here’s to an amazing night out with the greatest group of friends,” she toasts. We all raise our glasses as she continues. “And to the hope that _someone_ here gets lucky tonight.” She winks at Carver over the rim of her glass.

I nearly spurt out my drink but somehow manage to toast anyway. Carver looks like he’s going to kill Bela.

“Ooh who is she talking about?” Merrill asks him innocently.

Carver glares daggers at Isabela as I stop her from saying anything.

“I hate you so much,” he hisses at Bela, who only laughs harder. He turns to Merrill next. “Just ignore her, she’s only trying to make trouble.”

Merrill looks like she wants to say something else but I see Fenris give her a short shake of his head, and she shushes. Good job, Fenris.

I grin as I dig into my wings. I love these dorks.

* * *

I yawn for the hundredth time as I rearrange one of the display cases. I knew I would be exhausted this morning, but it was totally worth it. I glance at the clock and see I have about 20 more minutes before we open, so I try to hurry and finish up before the breakfast rush.

I work at Bodahn’s Bakery, and I don’t mean to brag, but we’re pretty much the best bakery in all of Kirkwall. Bodahn Feddic is the owner and manager. He’s shrewd, but he’s one of the most generous men I’ve ever known. And even though I’m sure his business sense is part of why we’re so successful, the real reason is his son, Sandal. The kid is some sort of pastry genius, and completely self-taught. It’s actually pretty amazing.

My other coworker is a girl a few years younger than me named Orana. She’s a tiny little thing (especially compared to me), but she’s a sweetheart and handles most of our customer service.

I’m sort of a jack-of-all-trades; I help Sandal bake or help Orana at the front when she’s super busy (or off-shift). I also tend to do most of the heavy lifting and stocking the shelves. It probably doesn’t seem very glamorous, but I love my job and it pays enough for me to live on my own.

Plus, I get to take home food when I close, and Bodahn is very understanding of my schedule during baseball season.

I just finish carrying out the last tray of donuts when I hear the bell ring in the back, signaling it’s time to open. I wipe my hands off on my apron as I go to unlock the door and flip the sign before heading back behind the counter and starting the coffee machine.

Bodahn likes to mingle with the customers in the morning, so he joins me out front as the first people start to trickle in. It’s always the busiest when we first open, full of commuters and shop regulars vying for the fresh, right-out-of-the-oven stuff.

My friend Aveline stops by about an hour after we open. She’s a cop in town – detective, actually – and has been a close family friend for years. I had invited her to the game last night as well, but she had to work.

“Hawke,” she says as she walks to the counter, nodding to me.

“Ah, Detective Vallen!” Bodahn greets her. “Kirkwall’s finest! What can I get for the lovely lady today?”

Aveline flushes at his enthusiastic welcome and smiles slightly. She has a soft spot for the man, and he’s pretty much the only person she will allow (besides her boyfriend) to fawn over her.

“Hello, sir,” she smiles as she glances at me. “I’ll have my usual.”

I move over to the coffee machine and grab her our largest takeaway cup. She’s at the end of her shift so I like to give her a little jolt to get through the rest.

“Oh, and Hawke?” she calls out. “A dozen assorted. I want to surprise Donnic when I get home.” She blushes again and I grin. It took forever for the two of them to finally get together, but it was worth it to see how happy she is now.

I bring her her order while we chat for a few minutes about the game, and I invite her over later this week for dinner. Dinner which will most likely be take-out and baked goods, but she knows me well enough by now. I’m just a poor bachelor living alone, with only my dog for company (I like to do dramatic sighs when I tell this to people). She says goodbye and I turn back to the bustle of the shop.

I don’t know why it’s so busy today, but I’m exhausted (even more than I already was) by mid-morning, and I’m so happy when Orana comes in for her shift. At least she can stay out front and handle the customers and I can slow down a little.

I spend the rest of my shift helping Sandal in the kitchen, and even though it’s still really fast-paced, I’m a lot more relaxed back there instead of dealing with the people. Sandal rarely talks, and I’m totally okay working in near silence, with the radio in the background. I get to zone out and just let my hands do the work.

I get home a little after five. I usually work 12-hour shifts (especially when I open), and it’s all I can do to not pass out as soon as I hit the couch. Woofy, my dog, greets me as soon as I sit down, plopping next to me and laying his head on my lap to be scratched. I pet him idly for a bit. The good thing about the early shift is that I can get home (usually) in time to eat at a decent hour and be able to watch the game.

I must have dozed off because I was jolted awake a few minutes (I think?) later by my phone buzzing in my pocket and Woofy snoring on top of me. I fish it out and see it’s Fenris texting me.

**Fenris:** _I have the pictures done, whenever you want to see them._

The pictures! I had totally forgotten about the pictures!

**Me:** _Can you come over tonight?! I’ll order a pizza!_

I glance at the time on my phone and see it’s a little after 6. Okay, I slept for more than a few minutes.

 **Fenris:** _Sure_ , _I’ll be there in 15._

I jump up to find the number for the pizza place, much to Woofy’s displeasure. Sorry, Woof buddy, I’ll save you a piece. I’m so excited right now. I order two pizzas and run around the kitchen grabbing paper plates and napkins and drinks like it’s someone other than Fenris coming over.

Sure enough, he arrives about 15 minutes later, laptop bag slung across his chest instead of his camera. He gives Woofy a polite pat on the head as he enters, and Woofy sits like a good dog (for once). He and Fenris have this weird friendship-truce thing going on that I can’t even begin to explain.

The pizza gets here not long after Fenris, so we bring everything into the living room, and he opens his laptop while we eat.

Just like I expected, the pictures are amazing. How he manages to capture these details is beyond me. He got a ton from the opening ceremony, which are great, but it’s the in-game shots that I really want to see.

He has pictures of all the starters, some close-ups and some wide shots of the whole field. Some are converted into black and white (mainly the closer ones) and those are really cool.

But they’re nothing compared to the dozens he got of Anders.

I’m starting to feel a little stalker-ish looking through them because I’m studying every little detail. I can see Fenris smirking at me out of the corner of my eye, pretty pleased with himself. Even if Anders wasn’t my favorite player, I’d still have to admit these are some of the most impressive pictures I’ve ever seen.

“Fen, these are just…” I stop, not really knowing what else to say beyond “really, really super awesome”, and that doesn’t quite seem appropriate.

Fenris reaches over and grabs his bag, and I see him sifting through it. He pulls out a piece of paper a few seconds later and hands it to me, and I realize it’s actually a picture. One of the best shots of Anders, preparing to throw, an intense look of concentration on his face.

“I liked that one the best,” he says, shrugging. “Maybe you can get him to autograph it or something.”

I grin. I hadn’t even thought of that!

“Seriously, though,” I mumble through a mouthful of pizza, “you are so awesome.” There’s that word again. Fenris just chuckles and gives a quiet “thanks” in return.

I move the cursor back to the top and start going through them all over again.

* * *

The next few weeks go by uneventfully, full of work, baseball and hanging out with the gang. I managed to get to another game in the meantime, but otherwise, things are quiet. Good quiet. I can’t complain.

It’s another busy morning, and I’m running around like a crazy person. It’s a Thursday, which is normally my day off, but Orana called in sick so I had to come in and cover. The bad thing about working in such a small shop is if someone is out, there’s a very limited supply of people to replace them. Like, a list of one.

But it’s fine, I don't mind working and I can always use the extra money. It’s just really busy for some reason this morning. I’m doing fine, though, and by around 10 things have slowed enough that I can restock the cases and wipe up a bit.

There’s no game today, so I’m debating what I want to do tonight instead. Bodahn said we can close early since we’re short staffed, so I’ll end up getting home my normal time anyway.

I’m taking note of what I need to grab from the back when I hear the door chime. I sigh and hope whoever this is doesn’t want something I don’t have stocked yet. I put on my best “charming Garrett face” and head over to the register when I stop dead in my tracks.

Anders.

No, it can’t be him. Why would it be him? Why would he be _here_?

I kind of shake myself out of my stupor and walk over, prepared to comment on how much the guy resembles Anders. He’s looking in the front case, not at me, and I get a better look at him with his attention elsewhere.

And holy shit. It’s him.

Same hair, same small tattoo on his forearm, same scruffy face. He has a small gold earring in today that he doesn't usually wear during the games. He looks even more amazing out of uniform. What in the hell is happening right now?

 _Okay, Garrett_ , don’t _fuck this up please_ , I tell myself.

“Good morning!” I call out cheerily. “Welcome to Bodahn’s! What can I get for you?”

Anders looks up at me and oh God, I think I might faint. There’s a cart of cream puffs behind me that I haven't put away yet; they can break my fall.

I lean forward on the counter, trying to look casual, but I’m actually just propping myself up. My legs aren’t doing a real good job of it right now. Anders lifts an eyebrow at me, like he wants to ask if I’m okay.

 _Oh God, he already thinks I’m insane_. I’m starting to panic.

But then he smiles, and it’s beautiful.

Okay, it’s actually kind of cocky and more of a smirk than a smile, but it’s at me, so I think it’s beautiful.

“Hi there,” he squints at my name tag, “Garrett.”

_HE KNOWS MY NAME. Okay, Garrett, we said we were going to play it cool._

“Um, hi!” I answer brightly. Too brightly. Let’s calm down on the enthusiasm.

“I’m Anders,” he says, holding out his hand.

 _That_ hand. Pitching hand. I don’t know how long I can control myself.

I reach out and shake it, confirming that yes, my name is Garrett (I’m so proud I remembered; thanks name tag).

“You’re ahh…the pitcher,” I say sheepishly as I’m internally screaming.

Anders just nods kindly and smiles. “I am. Are you a fan?”

_HAHAHAHA!_

“I am!” There goes the cheerfulness again. Cool it down, Garrett. “I mean, I go to a bunch of games and watch them every night on TV.” I laugh a little embarrassingly. “So yeah, I guess you could say I’m a fan.” I smile awkwardly at the end of my lame explanation.

Anders just keeps grinning and moves back over to look at the cases.

“Do you know what you want?” I ask.

Anders glances over at me quickly.

“I always know what I want,” he smirks as he slowly looks me up and down. ”But let me double check.” He turns back to the case and examines the contents.

“Oh, okay. Just let me know and I’ll wrap it up for you,” I reply, a little confused. Was he just checking me out?

He stands back up straight. “Well, I came here mainly for the croissants. I heard they're amazing.”

They are amazing, I totally agree.

“Sure,” I say, moving over to the case. “We have a few different kinds.”

I point out a couple of trays off to the side. “Actually, I made all of these over here. The ones with the fillings. The apple ones are my favorite.”

Anders grins at me. I probably sound really excited but hey, I know I make a good pastry. Not as good as Sandal, maybe, but I’m pretty good.

“Alright, give me one of those, and a plain one, and…” he pauses as he bends down again to read the labels. “Which other ones did you say you made again?”

I point to the chocolate and apricot trays, trying to hide my smile.

“Okay, and a chocolate,” he nods. I grab two of each and wrap them up in a small box. We normally save our boxes for bigger orders, but this is a special occasion.

I walk back over to the register as he takes out his wallet and I slide the box over the counter.

“No charge,” I tell him with a small smile.

“What?” he looks up at me confused, pulling out a few bills.

“Seriously, no charge,” I repeat. It’s just a few pieces of food; we’ll survive. It’s also the least I can do; this is my freaking idol standing here. I nudge the box closer to him again.

He studies me for a minute and then glances down at the box. I’m just standing on the other side of the counter, smiling and rapidly becoming more self-conscious as each second passes.

He finally shakes his head and laughs as he takes a few more bills out and puts them in the tip jar. I start to protest, but he just shakes his head even more firmly.

“Too late, they're in there now,” he grins. “Thanks for your help, Garrett.”

He turns to leave as I stand there, staring dumbly at his back.

“See you!” I call out to him with an awkward wave. Not cool, Garrett. Anders looks over his shoulder as he opens the door and gives me a small wave as he leaves the store and my life.

I go into the stock room and lay down on the floor without even turning the light on. I can't deal with what just happened. Did I really just talk to Anders? _Really?_

I'm sort of freaking out a little when the light flips on. I lift my head to see Sandal standing in the doorway, head tilted to the side as he looks at me.

“Hel-lo,” he says, still staring.

“Hey, Sandal. Sorry,” I stand up and brush myself off. I need to get a grip.

“Flour,” he says, smiling as he points to a large bag.

I grab the bag and haul it out to the kitchen for him as he gets back to work, humming softly. I head back out to the front (where there's thankfully no one waiting).

I need to tell someone about this. I take out my phone and start a group text with Fenris, Bethany, and Carver.

**Me:** _GUESS WHO I MET TODAY?!?_

I'm bouncing around as I wait for a reply and resume filling the cases. My phone buzzes rapidly in succession a few minutes later.

 **Fenris** : _A new dog_

 **Carver** : _I probly don't care_

 **Bethany** : _Who? Please say Chris Hemsworth_

 _Carver, you can't even spell,_ I think as I write back.

**Me:** _ANDERS!! I SWEAR TO GOD! Send help, I'm going to pass out. My life is complete._

These three need to be a little more enthusiastic over the greatest moment of my life. I'm just about finished restocking when I feel the buzzing start again.

 **Fenris** : _Seriously?_

 **Carver:** _Fuck off, Garrett. I don't believe you_

 **Bethany:** ……………………

Screw Carver. I probably woke him up or something, the lazy ass. I just remove him from the convo.

**Me:** _Do you think I would make this up?!_

People start trickling in now that we’re closer to lunch time, and I put my phone aside until I get another free minute. I have seven missed texts - five of which are from Bethany.

 **Bethany** : _OMG GARRETT!!! Please tell me you got a pic with him or something?!_

Shit. Of course I didn't; I was too busy trying not to fall over.

 **Fenris** : _That's really cool_

 **Bethany:** _More than cool!!_

**Bethany:** _Garrett where are you?? Answer me, I want details!!_

**Bethany:** _Grrrrr, I'm coming over tonight. What time do you get off?!_

**Fenris** : _Me too. I’ll bring food._

 **Bethany:** _That's it. We’re both camping out on your doorstep._

I laugh as I text them back and let them know what time I should be home. This is good; I need to get this out of my system.

I sigh as I look at the clock. Now if only the day would go by faster…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Carver, I really do, but he's just so easy to pick on.
> 
> Special shout-out to Belle & Sebastian for providing me with excellent background music while I write. Particularly their song [ Piazza, New York Catcher ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7wSBqOIJBo). I've seen these guys in concert two times; they're fantastic.
> 
> There's also art for this chapter! ['I always know what I want'](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/post/124101355240/lyriummarkings-idk-small-doodle-for-the-gf-ill)
> 
> As usual, comments, etc. more than welcome! Come bug me on [ here ](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) if you want to. I take prompts! They've been really helping to keep my brain moving. So if you have one, drop it on by :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett needs to learn the meaning of "stop talking".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter that I didn't want to add to the last one, and didn't totally fit with the next one. So voilà ~
> 
> Not beta'd, so any mistakes are from my sleepy brain.
> 
> EDIT: I also received [new art](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/post/158945520915/shire13-another-little-somethig-inspired-by-a) from [shire13](https://shire13.tumblr.com/post/158941902573/another-little-somethig-inspired-by-a-great-fic) on tumblr from this chapter. Thank you!

“So,” I mumble through a mouth full of chips, “he keeps trying to pay, and I’m all like, ‘No, the greatest pitcher in baseball doesn’t pay here’ and we both laugh. It was a total bonding moment.”

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little. Beth has been staring at me wide-eyed for the entire story, but Fenris keeps giving me this little smirk like he knows I’m full of shit.

“He didn’t, right?” Beth asks, putting down her sandwich. “I would have thrown the money back at him!”

I nod sagely. “I was going to do that exact thing, but he put the money into the tip jar instead and told me it was too late to give it back. Then he left.”

“Good, then you can pay me back for dinner." 

"Oh, _ha ha_." I take an overly-large bite out of my sandwich, chewing slowly as Fenris rolls his eyes and smiles.

“Was that it, though?” Beth prods. “You just let him leave after that?”

“Well, kind of…” I admit. I don’t know if I should tell her about my incredibly awkward goodbye. But they’re both looking at me so expectantly

“He started to leave and I yelled ‘bye’ to him,” I say vaguely. “He turned around and waved back, and that was that. I went back to work.” I’m definitely not telling them about crumpling onto the floor in the stock room. I’ll never live that down.

Beth sighs. “I can’t _believe_ it, Gare. That is so awesome.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t collapse on the floor,” Fenris smirks.

I shoot him a glare. He’s not supposed to know these things!

“I wonder if he’ll come back,” Beth taps her chin thoughtfully.

I feel my stomach lurch around my half-eaten sandwich. _Oh no…don't think about it._

I look at them both in panic.

 _Too late_.

“What do you think? Do you think he liked them enough to come back? How would I even know?” Woofy starts whining as I get up and lumber around the room, going over every minute detail in my head.

“You wouldn’t know,” Fenris points out. “What do you think he would do, mention it in an interview?”

Bethany tries to cover a giggle. Damn him, always so logical.

“Yeah, but…” I plop back down next to Beth, sighing. “Hopefully I didn’t make an ass out of myself.”

What if I really _was_ creepy? Now I’m going to be thinking about this all night.

“I’m sure you were fine,” Beth reassures me, patting my knee. “But...let’s go over it again, just to make sure.”

* * *

Gradually the encounter dulls enough in my mind that I can go back to my normal life. At least I can think of it now as just a really nice, totally non-creepy Garrett moment. Kind of.  

The Champs are doing awesome, even if my social skills aren’t. We’re about three months into the season now, and they’re showing no signs of slowing down. I’m taking extra delight in the fact that Vael’s stupid team is sitting in fourth place, falling way short of everyone’s expectations.

Anders has one of the best pitching records in the league, but that comes as a surprise to no one. I still feel this little extra thrill every time I see him on TV. The fact that I got to talk to him personally – not at some organized meet-and-greet or official whatever – makes it even more exciting.

But today’s been a long day. A really, really long day. I wonder if Bodahn would notice if I made a little flour-sack bed in the corner of the stockroom. Or the middle of the stockroom. Or behind the counter.

My energy is totally drained by closing. Luckily there isn’t much to do tonight, aside from the usual cleaning, and I should have that done in no time. Which is good, cause that flour-sack bed does not sound nearly as enticing as my own.

“Goodnight, my boy!” I hear Bodahn yell from the back door. I turn and wave as Sandal grins and waves back, the slam of the door echoing throughout the room a few seconds later.

I’m singing along to whatever’s on the radio as I wipe down the coffee machine, totally oblivious to the world until I hear a loud knock on the front door. I may have shrieked a little. Just a little. I swear.

“We’re closed!”

I don’t even bother to turn around. Leave me alone, pastry addict! I want to go home.

The knock comes again, louder, and I can hear muffled yelling through the glass. Now I’m a little freaked out. What if the guy’s running from some deranged killer and wants to hide out in the shop? _With me_. Nope, not happening. Sorry, buddy, I’m not dying surrounded by baked goods.

I start humming a little louder, hoping the person gets the hint. Another knock and more yelling. Yelling that is starting to sound suspiciously like my name.

 _What in the hell…_  

Alright. Let me get rid of this jackass before he breaks through the door. I throw my rag down as I turn and…

“Anders?” I shout, rushing over to the door.

 _WHAT IN THE HELL_.

He’s grinning from the other side of the door, shrugging a little as I fumble to undo the lock before stepping inside.

“I thought you were coming to kill me,” I blurt out.

“What?”

_Nice one, Garrett._

“Uh…nothing. Never mind. Anyway! Um, why are you here?”

He’s still smiling (thank God), but he’s giving me the same look Woofy does when I start shouting at the TV. Not that I ever do that.

“I was on my way home from the game and got a craving,” he grins. “That stuff was _really_ good.”

“The…what? Really?”

He walks over to the case and bends down to peer in. Bends over a little too much. He does remember I’m standing right behind him, right? I’m trying really hard not to look, but…

“Oh, I guess you don’t have any left today?” He interrupts my thoughts, standing again as I make my way over. He looks genuinely disappointed.

 “Let me check the back!”

 _Alright, I need to calm down_. I slump against the wall as soon as I’m out of sight. I know we don’t have any croissants left, but I _really_ don’t want to let him go empty handed. I just sort of stand there with my eyes closed for a couple seconds before I walk back out.

“I thought we might have, but…looks like we don’t.”

He still looks disappointed but shrugs it off and smiles.

“Well, I guess that’s what I get for stopping by so late. Sorry for making you open up. And for...startling you.”

He noticed. Fantastic.

“Is there anything else you want? There's some other really good stuff here.” _That I made_ , I add silently.

“Um…”

He starts looking in the front case again, and he doesn’t look too enthused. I need to do something, quick.

“You know what’s really good? These brownies.” I'm tapping really hard on the glass right now and I have no idea why.

Anders makes a noncommittal noise in response and I just keep plowing forward.

“They’re really chocolatey, but I can put them in the oven so they get nice and soft again and even _more_ chocolatey, and I have this amazing peanut butter frosting that I can put on top, and if you add some vanilla ice cream, they’re just…”

I trail off when I notice Anders has stood back up and is now grinning at me.

 _Okay, maybe that was a little much._ I needed to take a breath anyway. I just really like these brownies and I kind of want him to try something else I made.

“I give up, you convinced me. Now I want one,” he laughs. “But on one condition; I want you to get one for yourself and eat with me.”

Someone please call Fenris, because this time I’m really going to pass out. I can feel my face get really hot; I’m either blushing or my head’s on fire, and right now either one is just as likely.

“Uh…you want to eat with me? Are you sure?”

“I think I told you the first time I was here: I always know what I want.”

Okay, I don’t know what that means but I just nod like I do and grab two brownies out of the case.

“I’m just going to put these in the thing in there,” I mumble.

“The oven?”

“Yeah, that thing. And make the frosting. And um…you can just take a seat or something.” Stop. Talking. Garrett.

Anders doesn’t say anything, just walks around to the other side of the counter instead. I look at him over my shoulder and see him hop up to sit next to the register. I guess I didn’t specify when I said ‘take a seat.'

“This alright?” he grins.

“Sure, sure,” I holler as I hurry towards the oven.

The good thing about working in a small shop is that everything is nice and…snug. Like the stockroom is pretty much a glorified closet, and even though the kitchen is fairly big, the doorway is almost right behind the register. So I can see Anders, smiling and casually swinging his legs, as I stumble around the room.

“So…you cook and work the front?” he calls out.

“And clean and stock the shelves and pretty much any other random things that pop up,” I respond. We’re going to talk about me, then. Fantastic. No pressure or anything.

“Wow, that’s pretty impressive.”

I glance at him to see if he’s making fun of me, but he does actually look somewhat impressed. Anders, superstar athlete, impressed by Garrett Hawke, glorified dough puncher and stockboy extraordinaire.

We keep chatting as I mix the frosting and wait for the brownies to warm. I’m slowly becoming more comfortable the longer we talk; he’s really easy to talk to and we settle into a rhythm like we’re old friends.

He’s out there cracking up as I tell him story after story about Woofy and it's amazing. It’s easier to see him as a person and not a celebrity when he’s laughing at my dog. Woofy can charm anyone, even when he’s not there. He tells me how he wants a cat (or ten), but obviously can’t have one when he’s on the road for so long.

The brownies are finally warm enough and I plate them both, putting a heaping scoop of vanilla ice cream on top, and drizzle the frosting (which I made more liquid-y for this purpose) over them both.

“Ta-da!” I bring them out with a flourish and really enjoy the delight on Anders’ face when he sees them.

“Wow…those actually look really amazing.”

I gesture towards one of the tables and he sits as I grab the coffee pot and fill a couple of mugs before joining him. The nervousness is suddenly coming back in full force. This is really…personal. Cozy. Unreal. I settle into my seat and try not to think about it. This is like...almost a _date._

Anders takes a huge bite, moaning softly as he chews. It’s the single most erotic noise I’ve ever heard.

I look away quickly when he meets my eyes and smiles. I take a big bite of my own, mainly so I look like I was drooling over the brownie and not him.

“This is seriously so, so good.”

I start grinning like an idiot, fidgeting at the praise as he takes another bite, smiling at my discomfort. I suddenly feel enormous and self-conscious in this seat. I swear it was made for a child.

“Thanks.” I take another bite, and notice Anders has already practically finished his. I need to catch up.

“So, have you been to any games lately?”

He’s very casually – but very pointedly – not looking at me as he asks. I had sort of kept the conversation away from baseball on purpose. I really don’t want him to think I’m trying to use him or something.

“Uh, no, not in a few weeks. Me and a couple friends are saving up so we can get some field level seats. Maybe after the All-Star break.”

“…cool.”

Silence. He glances at me once before hastily looking away, focusing on his food. He opens his mouth another time, and I think he wants to say something, but he just takes a bite of ice cream instead.

Is he upset by my response? Should I have lied and said yes? This is really weird and I have no idea what’s going on. I take another bite, hoping he’ll say something.

“You look confused.”

_Of course I do!_

“Nope, just thinking…of the schedule.” Nice save. “You know, for what game I might go to.”

Anders just raises his eyebrows at me over the rim of his coffee mug.

“I should probably get going,” he says abruptly.

 _Great, I did do something wrong._ I jump up in a panic.

“Sorry, I…sorry,” I stammer.

“What are you apologizing for? The food was great.”

“I’m not really sure,” I admit, giving him a sheepish grin.

He just smiles back at me, any hint of uncomfortableness gone.

“I had fun, Garrett. It’s nice to be a normal person every once in a while. And, you know, stuff my face with chocolate and ice cream.”

I laugh, relieved. Maybe he just needs to get home or something.

“Yeah, this was fun,” I agree. “Feel free to stop by any time. Odds are, I’ll be here.”

“See you later then,” he smiles. “And thanks again.”

I follow him to the door to lock up once he leaves before sinking down behind the counter. Did all of that just really happen? No one is going to believe me. I lean my head against the wall, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

_Okay, step one: clean up. Step two: make it home in one piece. Step three: scream into my pillow for eternity._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this sitting here, waiting to add the other half, but this has been a _long_ and not very pleasant week, so I decided to clean it up and post it now instead. 
> 
> Also (because I got asked this on tumblr) I am totally unoriginal with dog names. I want to name my next two dogs Woofy and Barky. Woofy sounds silly enough that Garrett would use it. 
> 
> Thank you all for the kind comments so far! This is such a self-indulgent fic for me, so I'm happy other people like it as well :) Feel free to let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett is still reeling from his last encounter with Anders when he gets another surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My summaries for this are the worst...I just hate giving away too much plot. Garrett's flailing should speak for itself.
> 
> Also, for anyone interested in more Merrill/Carver stuff, [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4316106) takes place in between the last chapter and this one and kind of fills in a couple blanks in their blossoming relationship.

I must have glanced at the front door every other minute during the last week, hoping on the off chance Anders might decide to come back. I even hung around a little later on the nights I closed, even though most of those nights there was a game so I’m not sure why I bothered.

Today I came in feeling a little down, and I could definitely feel the trudge in my step. The team was heading out of town on a road trip and would be gone for the next ten days. My enthusiasm to come to work crashed. A lot.

It's late morning, after the opening rush and before the lunch crowd, and I can finally slow down a little as I restock the cases. I’m heading back to the kitchen with my empty trays and almost walk right into Bodahn, who’s coming to the front waving an envelope.

“Your mailbox break or something, son?” he smiles, handing it to me as I put the trays on the nearest table.

“Huh?”

I stare dumbly at the thing in my hand, addressed to the bakery but put to my attention. There’s no return address, and I don’t recognize the handwriting. I barely get mail at my own place, why would I get anything here?

I tear it open and take out a piece of paper…wrapped around a bunch of Champions tickets. Did I win a contest and not remember? I put the tickets back in the envelope as I open the note, trying to decipher the scrawling words across the page.

_Hey Garrett,_

_I wanted to drop these off in person, but it’s been pretty busy the last few days. And I didn't know your home address, sorry. I know you said you and some friends wanted to come to a game in a couple weeks, so I thought I’d help out. You know, to thank you properly for the amazing food! (Seriously, I’m still thinking about it.)_

_Anyway, if you’re interested, you’re welcome to these. They’re for my private box, so it’ll just be you and your friends in there._

_If you can’t make it for some reason (or don’t want to use them), just let me know._

_Anders_

A phone number was printed below his name. I reread the entire thing two more times before looking up. This has to be a joke…right? Bethany and Fenris probably got tired of listening to me talk about him and decided to tease me.

I take the tickets out again and look them over, totally expecting to see “tickets to the Garrett-is-a-loser show” or something printed on them. But no…they look legit. There’s eight of them in total, all listing “Box 6A” under the section and seat number.

Thankfully, no one is in the shop at the moment, so I put the tickets on the counter and take a picture to text to Beth.

**Me:** _Know anything about these??_

I tuck everything back into the envelope and under the counter for safe keeping. Okay…I need to think. This probably isn’t even real, so no point in freaking out over nothing.

My phone buzzes a second later.

**Bethany:** _What is that? How did you get those?!_

Oh God. I’m bouncing my leg as I lean against the counter, trying to slow my brain down enough to figure this out. It’s not working. This makes no sense. Why would he just give me these amazing tickets? To his personal box!? Why me? Alright, I know my food is good, but it’s not worth the ridiculous amount these tickets are.

**Me: _I'll_** _explain when I get home. Can you stop by after my shift?_

Beth says she can, and I glance at the time on my phone before slipping it back into my pocket. Only four more hours before I can leave. Four long, tortuous hours where I need to pretend like my head isn’t ready to explode because my favorite fucking baseball player just gave me tickets to his private box.

* * *

I finally get home and see that Beth is already there, looking as impatient as I feel when I walk in the door. She pounces on me immediately, Woofy not far behind.

“Well?” she prompts. “Where the hell did you get those tickets? There’s no way we can afford them!”

“Good thing I didn’t buy them then,” I reply, digging out the carefully folded envelope from my pocket. I hand the whole thing over to her, watching as she reads, the realization dawning on her face.

“Gare…” Her eyes are huge as she looks up at me.

“It has to be a joke, right? You sure Carver didn’t do this?”

“Carver isn’t smart enough to do this.”

She has a point. But it’s still not making sense.

“Why would he be so nice, though?” she muses, echoing my thoughts. “I’ve had your pastries, Garrett, and even though I love them, they aren’t worth this.”

I’d have probably been offended if anyone except her or Fenris had said that to me, but I just shake my head instead, sitting down on the couch as Woofy nudges my knee with his head. I start absentmindedly petting him as Beth sits next to me.

“I have no idea. I mean, we got along but…this is…” I don’t even know what to say.

“Well, you’re going to text him, right?"

“No? Why would I? Do you think we shouldn’t take the tickets?”

Beth gapes at me for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.

“Gare, I’m pretty sure this was his way of passing you his number without being all in-your-face about it,” she grins.

I shake my head. Anders didn’t seem like the subtle type. If he wanted to give me his number, he would have just left it. Why would he have wanted to anyway? Don’t you do that for someone you, like…want to ask out?

Or maybe he didn’t do it because he thought I wasn’t into guys.

“Do I seem straight to you?” I blurt out.

“Umm…” Beth looks at me skeptically. “I know that you aren't, so why are you asking?”

“Just tell me!”

“No, Garrett, I don't think you ‘seem straight’ as you freak out over your homosexual crush.”

“Well, there goes that idea.”

A dumb idea. He probably has a string of girlfriends anyway; I don't think I've ever seen anything in the press that would hint that he’s gay (or at least bi). Not that I’ve obsessively checked or anything. But look at him; he could easily get anyone he wanted.

“Gare, just text him. See how it goes.”

“It’s probably not even his number; I bet it goes to the ticket office or something.”

“Well you won’t know unless you try,” she prods, looking at me expectantly.

“What? No! I’m not doing it right now, I can barely remember my name!”

“Then when?”

“Okay, I’m done talking about this for tonight.” I grab the envelope and its contents back from her and go put them in my bedroom.

“We can talk about it again once I calm down,” I holler from the other room. “Right now, I need to eat.”

* * *

 “Garrett won’t text him.”

I scowl at Beth from across the room. It’s a couple of days later, and I have most of the gang over to my place for dinner. Of course, Beth had to blurt out the news about the tickets, so I finally told them all the story.

“Pass me your phone, sweetness, I’ll text him for you.” Isabela winks at me from the couch, and both Fenris (who is sitting next to her) and I shoot her glares at the same time.

“No one is texting him!” I shout, throwing my hands in the air.

“We can help!” Merrill suggests.

I can’t even look in her direction without laughing. She’s curled up in one of my easy chairs, Carver sitting on the floor at her feet. Every once in a while she starts playing with his hair, twirling pieces or trying to braid it. He looks ridiculous right now but has the goofiest grin on his face.

“Yeah, Gare, suck it up,” he says. “Merrill’s right.”

I roll my eyes. “Seriously, guys? None of you are with me on this?”

“Don’t do anything you don’t want to, Hawke,” Aveline replies. “But…maybe you should, just to find out.” A small smile quirks at the corner of her mouth as Bela laughs gleefully.

“Seeeee, Hawkey, you’re outnumbered!”

“Do what you want, Hawke,” Fenris says, still glowering at Bela. “I’m on your side.”

Good ol Fenris.

“ _Thank_ you.” It’s time for the game, and I’m suddenly hesitant to turn it on because Anders is pitching tonight. Because _of course_ he is. 

I turn it on anyway and brace myself for the catcalls I know are coming.

“Oooh Garrett, there he is!” Merrill giggles, Beth joining in seconds later.

“Oh, kitten, you didn’t tell us he was pitching tonight!”

I groan as I shake my head, trying to turn as far away from them as I can and focus on the TV. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since I got the letter, and I have to admit I’m feeling pretty giddy right now. Not that I would tell any of them that.

Carver scoffs from off to my side. “God, Garrett, can you smile any wider?”

Okay, seems like I don’t need to tell them. I turn and look at him right as Merrill playfully swats his shoulder. Fenris is looking at me with an amused smirk while Bela winks beside him.

I can’t help but laugh. “Alright! I give up, you guys caught me. But look at him!” I start gesturing wildly at the screen as he starts pitching. “That guy! That guy gave me his phone number!”

Oh no, the floodgates have opened. I start bouncing my leg as I turn back to the screen, right at the same moment the camera zooms in on his face and he makes that little smirk. He made that smirk at _me_ only a couple weeks ago! I shake my head, hoping the blush I feel on my face isn’t noticeable. Thank you, beard.

“What am I supposed to do?” I moan. “Look at him! Do you think he’s just being nice? I’m probably overreacting, right? He’s amazing. I know he’s amazing, cause I’ve _hung out with_ _him_ in person – twice! There’s no way a guy like that would want anything to do with me –“

“Hawke,” Aveline barks, cutting me off. Oh no, she’s using her police-lady voice on me. I shut up immediately.

“You’re going to text him tonight,” she says firmly. I open my mouth to argue, but she shakes her head. “I don’t want to hear it. You’re going to drive yourself – and all of us – insane if you don’t.”

I sigh. “Fine…fine. What am I supposed to say though? ‘Hey Anders, hope I’m not being creepy, but I almost threw up with excitement when I got your note’?”

Bela and Beth make disgusted faces and Aveline sighs in disappointment. It would have been funny if it wasn't directed at me. And I’m totally serious. I have no idea what to say.

“Just start with ‘hi,'” Fenris suggests.

“Okay, good idea.” I take out my phone. I may have possibly sorta put Anders’ number in there the night I got it. You know, just to be safe. Good thing I did though, right?

**Me:** _Hey! It’s Garrett. You know, from the bakery! I wanted to thank you for the tickets – my friends and I are really excited!! Thanks again!_

Was that too…enthusiastic? Weird? Weirdly enthusiastic? I glance up at the rest of them, ready to ask what they think, before realizing that is a horrible idea.

**Me:** _Hey! It’s Garrett Hawke. Sorry if I’m bothering you, but I wanted to thank you for the tickets! I’m watching you right now._

Hmmm. That last line sounds a little…stalker-ish. I should probably cut it. I sigh, watching the TV for a few minutes as the inning ends. Everyone else has moved on to other things. Aveline and Beth are huddled together as Aveline shows her something on her phone. Carver is saying something to Merrill, who is giggling quietly.

And – most shockingly – Bela has curled up a lot closer to Fenris, who is letting her roll up one of his sleeves to look at his tattoos. And he doesn’t look like he’s ready to kill her. I have no idea what’s happening...who are these people? Bela is acting, well, very un-Bela-like, as she talks to him quietly. She's very gentle, running her fingers along his arm, glancing at him every few moments to make sure what she’s doing is okay. Fenris, meanwhile, is just smiling slightly as he watches her.

I’m so thrown off by the two of them that I completely forgot what I was doing until I hear boos coming from the TV, and I snap my head back. The Champs are away in Seheron for this series, and the guys on that team are huge. Like, they make Blackwall look small. And right now, one of them is charging right for Anders on the mound, only being held back by the catcher and first baseman. Anders, meanwhile, has turned his back on the player – Sten, I think it is – and has that same smirk on his face. I need to see a replay!

Everyone else has stopped to watch the replay as well. Apparently, Anders threw two very close pitches, almost hitting him each time. Sten shrugged it off after the first one, but the second one made him jump back so quickly he fell on his ass. I guess he took it pretty personally because he charged for Anders as soon as he was back on his feet.

“Is something wrong with him, Gare?” Beth asks.

“Not that I know of." Am I the Anders expert now? "Maybe he has an issue with this guy and is just messing with his head.”

Whatever it is, Anders doesn’t seem fazed and promptly strikes him out on the next two pitches, ending the inning. I look back at my phone and erase the last message I had typed.

**Me:** _Hey! It’s Garrett. I just wanted to thank you for the tickets, you really didn’t have to do that! Try to make it home in one piece, haha :)_

Okay, I don’t know if that’s much better, but I’m sending it anyway. I’ll end up second-guessing myself all night at this rate. I exhale and drop my phone dramatically on my lap.

“There, it’s done!”

“What is?” Beth asks, confused.

“I texted him.”

I see dawning looks of horror on everyone’s faces.

“What! Wasn’t I supposed to?”

“We thought you would tell us first,” Fenris sighed.

“I’m a big boy; I can talk to people,” I say defensively. “I was perfectly normal.”

“Oh, kitten, what did you say?” Bela asks. Now she’s twisting a piece of Fenris’ hair in her fingers. I can’t process this all at once!

I read them what I sent, to varying reactions. Okay, that’s a lie. Merrill smiles and nods in approval while everyone else sort of grimaces.

“Come on! It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Great. Now I’m going to be hyperventilating about this all night. There’s no way to unsend a message, is there?

“It’s fine, Hawke,” Aveline says, trying to smile. I narrow my eyes at her.

“You have no room to talk.”

She blushes, looking away. Aveline’s horrible attempts at conversation starting are legendary. We’re still amazed Donnic even answered her…and now they’re dating. If she can do it, I certainly can.

“No, it’s okay, Gare,” Beth smiles. “He’s talked to you in person before, he should know what to expect.” She pauses, ducking her head in embarrassment. “Erm…that sounded a lot more positive in my head.”

I slouch in my seat, groaning. This is a nightmare. Maybe he’ll be so tired after the game he won’t even look at his phone. Or maybe there was a problem and it didn’t send. I wonder if I can call the phone company and ask them to delete it.

Woofy takes that moment to make an appearance, trotting over and sniffing everyone in turn before coming over to rest his head on my knee.

“ _You_ think I did okay, don’t you buddy?” He nudges my hand to pet him in response. I guess that’s the best I’m going to get tonight.

I spend most of the rest of the evening in silence, watching the game (Anders got the win, of course) and briefly chatting whenever someone pulled me into a conversation. Otherwise, I spent all of my time glancing at my phone, making sure I didn’t get a response. Which was ridiculous, considering he was still in the middle of a game.

Everyone starts to leave a little while after the game gets done, trying to give me encouraging words on their way out. Fenris and Beth are the last to go, hanging back a bit from the rest of the group.

“Call me if you need anything, okay Gare?” Beth says, squeezing my hand. Fenris nodded next to her.

“Same. Just let me know.”

I squint my eyes at him, pointing. “ _You_ have some explaining to do.”

He knows exactly what I’m referring to, his eyes shifting away as he gets slightly flustered.

“What are you talking about?” Beth frowns.

“It’s nothing. We’ll talk later, Hawke.” Fenris begins shoving Beth out the door, much to her confusion. I feel a little bad, but I’m cranky and I can’t help it.

I check my phone (again) before I start cleaning up, trying not to think about this whole mess. Maybe he won’t even answer. I’m not sure if that would be better or worse, actually. I manage to occupy myself for the next couple hours, watching a movie I had been meaning to see and slowly drifting off to sleep.

Eventually, I make my way to bed. Still no response. The game has been done for hours now, so I guess that’s that. I’m really disappointed...a lot more than I expected to be. I wonder if what I said really _was_ that awkward, but I can’t imagine it was.

I plug my phone into the charger next to my bed and curl up to sleep.

I’m just about to drift off when I hear an obnoxiously loud buzz come from the table. I reach over to grab my phone without looking, hoping I don’t knock anything over in the process.

 **Anders** : _Hey Garrett you still awake?_

Anders. Oh shit. I thought I was prepared for this, but I am very clearly not.

 **Me** : _Hey! Yup, still awake, just watching a movie_

Okay, it’s just a little lie. He’s probably just going to say “you’re welcome” and go to sleep. Or maybe “you’re a creep, delete my number”.

 **Anders** : _I’m glad you texted me :)_

Oh. I…wasn’t expecting that.

 **Me:** _Same here :) you texting back, I mean. Sorry I didn’t do it sooner_

Why did I tell him that? I really need Beth here right now. No. Fenris. Fenris wouldn’t tell me to flirt. He would just be there to prevent as much damage as possible.

 **Anders:** _Haha yeah, I was wondering if you were going to. I didn’t want to seem pushy._

He was worried I wasn’t going to text him? That’s it; this is officially a dream. And since it’s a dream, it won’t matter if I make an ass of myself. So let’s just go with it.

 **Me:** _I wasn’t sure you wanted me to, tbh. I thought I would be bugging you. Or that I’d end up talking to the nice old lady in the ticket office…_

 **Anders:** _Really??_

 **Anders** : _I’m literally laughing out loud right now. Good thing I have my own room_

Oh God. He’s in his hotel room, talking to me? I don’t know what I thought he was doing, but this just seems really…intimate.

 **Anders** : _But no, I don’t give out my number to people I don’t want to talk to. We bonded over that brownie, huh? :)_

Holy… I roll over onto my stomach, burying my face in my pillow. This is not real. It can’t be. I laugh like a maniac for a few seconds, the pillow muffling the noise so I don’t freak out Woofy. Or the neighbors, for that matter. I roll back as I try to calm down my breathing.

 **Me** : _Totally! I just wasn’t expecting…you_

Oh, crap. My big, stupid fingers hit the send button too early. Now I sound like I’m quoting cheap romance movie lines.

 **Me** : _*you to want to talk to me._

 **Anders** : _Why wouldn’t I?_

Does he really want me to spell it out for him? No, play it cool, Garrett.

 **Me:** _Because I guess I don’t think I make that great of a first impression? haha_

 **Anders** : _Well, you impressed me_

I’m so happy no one is here to see me right now. I don’t even bother to roll over onto the pillow this time as I start laughing hysterically again. I’m still grinning like an idiot when I realize I haven’t answered him back. What do I even say to something like that?

 **Me** : _I’m flattered. Sorry, I don’t think my brain is functioning right now, lol, I have no idea what to say_

 **Anders** : _Oh crap, I forgot how late it was. I hope you don’t have to work early tomorrow =/_

I don’t have to work, I don't want to tell him that's not why I can't think, and I also don’t want to stop talking to him. Damn my stupid mouth and non-working brain! Although…this could be his way of trying to end the conversation without making it awkward.

 **Me** : _I don’t, but I think you probably need sleep more than I do anyway :)_

 **Anders** : _True_

 **Anders** : _Would it be okay if I texted you tomorrow night? I like talking to you_

I wonder if Sten really did tackle Anders and I missed it. Maybe he has a concussion. There’s no other way for me to explain everything he’s said tonight. My mind flashes back to that line he told me at the bakery: _“I always know what I want.”_ Apparently what he wants is to talk to me…

Well, if he’s serious, far be it for me to change his mind.

 **Me** :  _Absolutely! Although I don’t know that I’m very interesting. I promise I won’t act like a weirdo, haha_

 **Anders** : _It’s part of your charm :) Have a good night Garrett_

 **Me** : _Goodnight! :))_

Oh. My. God.

I lay with my eyes closed for a few minutes, trying to process everything that just happened. My heart is beating like crazy and I know I won’t be sleeping anytime soon. So I’ll just do the next best thing.

“BETH? Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout, but YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not even Anders can resist the awkward bundle of beard and muscle that is Garrett Hawke. 
> 
> I think part of the reason I love this story so much is cause I sit and grin like an idiot the entire time I'm writing it. 
> 
> I'm also thinking this is going to venture into "E" territory soon...I went back and forth debating if I wanted to keep it smut-free, but I'm kinda leaning towards smut. Hopefully that's a good thing.
> 
> As usual, comments, kudos, etc. more than welcome :) And come visit me on [tumblr!](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett tries to relax before his next conversation with Anders. Woofy is a wonderful wingman without even knowing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More cringing, (hopefully) more smiles. 
> 
> Thanks again to [blehgah](http://archiveofourown.org/users/blehgah/pseuds/blehgah) for beta-ing! Any mistakes are most likely from accidental smashing of the keyboard in my excitement.

I wake up late the next morning, a man on a mission. A  _tired_  man on a mission. I was up half the night talking to Bethany, going over every microscopic detail of my painfully short conversation with Anders.

After she finished squealing (I’m sure Carver loved that) she gave me some pointers for tonight. I’m going to be  _prepared_. Or so I tell myself. There’s still a very good chance that my fingers will move faster than my brain and I’ll make an ass out of myself.

On the plus side, I don’t have to work today. On the downside, I don’t have work to distract me. My stomach has been lurching ever since I woke up, like I’m at the top of a roller coaster just waiting to plummet. I have too much energy. I mean, I usually have too much energy, but right now I have nowhere to put it. I’m pretty sure I walked over every inch of my apartment about six times, just looking for something to do.

But then I hear my genius of a dog whining near the door.

“Hey, buddy!” I call out, grabbing his leash as I charge over. “How about we go for a nice, relaxing ten-hour walk?”

Woofy just wags his tail, which I’m pretty sure is dog language for, “I’ll do whatever you want as long as I can pee on everything.” What a good boy.

I don’t really have a destination in mind once we leave. I let Woofy kind of lead us around for a bit, since his choice is just as good as anything I’m going to make. I’m trying not to let my mind drift to Anders as we wander – since that’s pretty much the exact reason I wanted this distraction to begin with. But I can’t help it. My fingers are itching to look at my phone, even though I know there’s no chance he messaged me. I wonder if it would be weird to message him first. Would that make me seem too eager? 

It’s tempting. I’m so lost in my internal debate that I trip over a piece of uneven sidewalk and almost go flying to the ground. I swear, for as awkward as I may appear, I’m usually not this clumsy. This could be a good conversation starter!  _Hey, Anders, just thought you’d like to know I was obsessing over you and almost cracked my head open, haha. Funny, right?_

Yeah…maybe not a good idea, but I take my phone out anyway. Just to make sure it’s okay. Not to check for messages or anything. Definitely not to look at the messages from last night. And I absolutely do not almost go crashing into someone because I’m staring at my screen.

"Woofy, you’re not being a very good guide dog," I mutter. 

I pull on his leash a little to get him to stop as I lean against a wall for a breather. And to try and figure out exactly where we are. We’re far enough downtown that it’s probably a good time to turn back, but I’m feeling indulgent today. Maybe I’ll stop and pick up something small for Beth, as a thank you gift.

Woofy gets tired way before I do, and not too long after I can tell he’s ready to head back home and curl up on the couch. I do end up stopping at a candy store on the way home and buy Beth an enormous bag of chocolate covered gummi bears. It’s the least I can do at this point.

I make it home in one piece, and as soon as we get inside we both drink about a gallon of water. Woofy heads to the couch and I grab my laptop and join him a few moments later. Now that I’m back home without the distractions of the outside world, my mind immediately goes back to Anders.

Beth’s tips included things like “let him lead the conversation” and “always count to three before you answer him back”, but now that I think about it, those don’t really help me actually  _make_  conversation. Which may have been her intention.

Regardless, I want to have something of my own to talk about. I start browsing through the current events section online, but I get bored really fast and end up on the sports page. There’s an article in there about a charity party one of the other players – Nathanial Howe, the third baseman – is hosting with his wife. It’s a pretty big deal every year; they all get dressed up really nice, a bunch of celebrities attend, they eat lots of food and raise a ton of money that gets donated to a charitable foundation.

I bet Anders is going. He has to, he’s their most popular player. Which also means if he  _does_  have a girlfriend that would be the one time they would definitely be spotted together. My stomach sinks a little at the thought, and I absolutely refuse to admit I’m jealous…but I may be a little jealous. Of a person that I don’t know even exists.

 _Might as well do a little research_ , I think grimly. It’ll help pass the time until tonight, at least. I start typing in variations of “Anders girlfriend” and all that comes up are social media posts from fangirls calling themselves his girlfriend. Or speculating about him having a girlfriend. But there’s no actual proof there  _is_  a girlfriend.

I decide to go out on a limb and type in “Anders boyfriend,” just for the hell of it. While all the “Anders girlfriend” posts had a bunch of different pictures of him posing with various women, that’s all they were – him smirking at the camera with a woman next to him. But  _apparently_ , years back when he was still in the minor leagues, there was a rumor going around about him and another player being “more than friends”.

The name is vaguely familiar. Karl Thekla…I think he was brought up to the majors and ended up getting a career-ending injury after only a few months. He was supposed to be really talented, too. Anders was involved with  _him_? Definitely interesting.

But at the same time, it’s just a rumor. No one has any proof, and both of them denied anything going on. It’s probably just the wishful thinking of a guy like me who decided to stir up some trouble. One mention of a guy for every 25 pictures of him with a woman. I’d say the odds aren’t in my favor.

I snap the lid closed and nudge an unhappy Woofy off the couch so I can stretch out myself. It’s only 3:30, which means I still have plenty of time before the game comes on. And even though I slept a little later than normal, I’m suddenly beat. All this investigating is exhausting. I flip on the TV to some random movie and I’m out like a light a few minutes later. 

* * *

 What I wanted to be a quick power nap turned into almost two hours, and I jolt awake when my phone starts buzzing. It must have fallen out of my hand when I fell asleep because now it’s vibrating on my cheek. 

It’s Fenris, offering to pick up some Chinese and come over. He’s trying to disguise it as “watching the game together”, but he has little to no interest in baseball, so I know he’s actually coming over for some gossip. I’m going to call it “moral support” since it’s Fenris and not, say, Isabela.

I text him back and tell him sure, and decide maybe I should jump in the shower before he gets here. By the time I get done, Fenris is already waiting outside. I realize I probably should have unlocked the door for him once I see his grumpy scowl pressed up against the window, glaring at me.

At least my hair is still wet, and I point to it as an excuse as I rush over with an apologetic grin. Fenris just smirks at me as he comes inside.

“Hello, Hawke. Getting ready for your big date tonight?”

I  _knew_  it. He’s a spy.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply, hoping I sound nonchalant as I help him unpack the boxes.

“I talked to Beth.”

“ _Damnit!_ ”

Traitor! I was hoping if I screwed this up, as few people as possible would know about it. I mean, I would have told Fenris eventually, but  _I_  should have told him. Not my baby sister.

I sigh. “How much did she tell you?”

“Not much. She said she didn’t want to get in trouble.”

Everything he says is so deadpan and serious, I can’t tell if he’s joking or not.

We sit down and start to eat, and I decide to just get it over with and tell him everything.

“That actually sounds like it went pretty well,” he says once I’m finished. He looks impressed. I’m so happy I can impress my friends just by carrying on an ordinary conversation.

Either way, I’m happy he said that cause now I feel a little more relaxed.

“So he’s going to text me again tonight, but I…don’t really know what to talk about.”

Fenris studies me for a minute as he chews, before shaking his head.

“Let him start, Hawke. He doesn’t seem like the type that will let the conversation drag. Just try and keep up.” The right side of his mouth quirks up a little as he takes another bite.

I can’t help but laugh at myself a little. We both finish eating and settle on the couch as the game starts. It’s a pretty slow one, and I (maybe selfishly) can’t help but wonder a little bit if Anders is as anxious to talk to me tonight as I am to him. I’m getting more and more nervous as the night goes on, and Fenris can tell I’m getting distracted. I’m fidgeting all over the couch and only partially keeping up my end of the conversation. But, being the good friend he is, he doesn’t say anything.

He finally gets up to leave once the game is done, and it’s at that point that I realize I haven’t asked him anything about him and Isabela from the other night.

“Wait a second,” I yell as he’s reaching for the doorknob. “Come back. We need to talk.”

Fenris raises an eyebrow at me as he turns back around, crossing his arms.

“You. Bela. What’s going on?”

I didn’t think it was possible for Fenris to blush, but it almost looks like there’s a little bit of pink in his cheeks. His eyes shift away briefly, before meeting mine again.

“Nothing is going on, Hawke. I thought if I let her look at my tattoos she would shut up about them for once.”

Yeah right. “Uh huh. And that’s why you let her hang all over you?  _Play with your hair?_ ” I pause for a minute as I scratch my beard. “No, but really. Nothing is going on? I don’t care if it is…”

“ _Nothing_  is going on.” His eyes narrow at me, and I put my hands up, conceding defeat.

“Okay, okay, it just…surprised me. That’s all.”

Fenris’ shoulders relax and his smirk replaces the glare from moments before.

“Good luck tonight, Hawke,” he chuckles as he leaves. I close the door behind him and glance at the time. It suddenly occurs to me that I have no clue when he’s going to message me. He just said, “tonight”…that could mean in the next 30 minutes or the next 3 hours, now that the game is done.

I run my hands through my hair as I glance frantically around the room. I can’t start freaking out now. I decide I’ll just play it cool and pretend it’s any other night. I’ll watch TV on the couch for a while and then head to my bedroom. Routine is good…it’ll help keep me sane and stop me from sprinting around the apartment like I did earlier.

About an hour and a half goes by until I finally give up the couch and head to bed. Woofy follows me, plopping down on his own bed in the corner of the room as I change into my pajama pants. I generally sleep without a shirt on, but for some reason I feel self-conscious tonight, so I put on a t-shirt as well.

I’m debating whether I want to grab a snack while I wait when I hear my phone buzz from the bed. I slowly edge over to it, part of me hoping it’s Beth or someone else because  _I’m not ready yet_.

I see Anders’ name instead, and I can’t help the excitement that surges through my body.

 **Anders:**   _Hey :)_

Alright, it’s go time. I take a deep breath as I arrange the pillows against the headboard and get comfortable.  _You can do this, Garrett_.

 **Me:** _Hey! How are you?_

So far, so good.

 **Anders** :  _Great, now that I’m out of uniform and in bed, haha. Way too hot tonight, I thought I'd never get out of those clothes_

I shift uncomfortably. That was…not a mental image I need if I’m trying to focus. I wonder what he wears to bed. Or what he  _doesn’t_ wear to bed.

 **Me** :  _I know that feeling :) some days after work I collapse on the couch and hope my dog just drags me to bed_

 **Anders** :  _How is Woofy?_

He remembered my dog’s name? I look at Woofy snoring from the other side of the room, blissfully unaware of what a fantastic conversation starter he is.

 **Me:** _He's good. Sleeping, snoring. Usual dog stuff._

 **Me:** _Do you have any pets?_

 **Me:** _I guess it would be hard, being on the road all the time_

Wait...we already talked about this. At the bakery. I feel like an idiot, but I can't take it back now. I _really_ want to ask about the girlfriend, but I don’t want things to get weird. Weirder. Talking to me will automatically get weird at some point, I don’t need to rush things along.

 **Anders** :  _I’m a cat person (no offense Woofy, I’m sure you’re adorable). But yeah, I don’t want to leave an animal alone that much._

“Woofy!” I scream. He jumps awake, ears perked up as he looks around the room. “Anders thinks you’re adorable! What a good boy!” He starts wagging his tail, looking so proud of himself. I feel like giving him a treat just for existing.

 **Me:** _Cats are cool too :) Beth always says she wants one_

I bet he would love Woofy. What’s not to love? I pat the bed next to me, which is all the invitation Woofy needs to hop up and make himself comfortable. I scratch him behind the ears as I wait for Anders' response.

Which is slow. He probably got up to use the bathroom or get a drink or something. I can’t imagine he’s been stressing out about talking to me the way I’ve been all day. But a drink doesn’t sound like a bad idea, now that I think about it. I jump up and head to the kitchen to grab a soda, congratulating myself on the great idea. If I don’t text back right away, I won’t seem too eager. Beth said to wait at least three seconds, so this is even better, right?

I flop back on the bed a couple of minutes later, grabbing my phone before Woofy rolls on top of it.

No message. Alright, no reason to freak out (even though I'm kinda freaking out). I restrain myself from texting him again, just in case he’s doing something important. Important baseball stuff. I’m not important, I know that. I’ll try to be patient…which will probably last all of one minute.

Luckily, I’m spared from that particular feat of mental strength.

 **Anders** :  _Is Beth your girlfriend?_

My  _what?_  Oh God…this is weird. This is just…

I feel my palms get sweaty as I stare at the screen. I need to do some damage control here. I was so worried about asking him about a girlfriend, and now he thinks  _I_ have one?

**Me:** _Omg NO! She’s my sister! Sorry, I thought I mentioned her name before…_

I sigh as I rub my eyes. I’m such an idiot. There’s another long pause, and every second that goes by just makes the knot in my stomach even tighter.

 **Anders** :  _Oh_

He sounds annoyed. He can’t possibly be…jealous?

I roll over onto my side, hoping maybe it will help my stomach a little. There’s no possible reason for him to be jealous. Or annoyed, for that matter. But I clearly did something.

**Me:** _I can let you go if you’re tired or busy. I don’t want to rob you of your sleep_

I’m ridiculously nervous right now, but it’s only fair to give him an out if he wants to stop talking.

 **Anders** :  _Sorry, I was just distracted for a minute. No, I don’t want to sleep yet_

Oh, thank GOD. Someone probably came to talk to him, or he got a phone call or something. I’m feeling really proud of myself for not freaking out (much). I get ready to respond, just as he sends another message.

 **Anders** :  _So, does your sister live with you?_

**Me:** _Nope, she still lives at home with my mom and my brother, Carver. They’re twins._

**Me:** _I live alone._

**Me:** _Well, Woofy is here, obviously :)_

Stop rambling, Garrett.

 **Anders** :  _Of course :)_

**Me:** _What about you?_

**Me:** _I mean, do you share a place with other players during the season?_

That’s it. I’m going for it.

**Me:** _Or idk, I know some guys bring their wives or girlfriends to live out here while they play_

I turn my phone upside down before I can see if he responds. I can’t handle this. I’m not made for flirting. I’m not made for  _talking_. Maybe I should have asked Beth or Fenris to stay the night, just for moral support. The phone buzzes and I take a couple seconds before flipping it over and reading the response.

**Anders:** _I don’t have a wife. Or girlfriend_

I'm not going to get excited, even though this is  _really_ exciting news.

**Anders:** _Or boyfriend_

Wait,  _what_? I sit straight up, rereading these last few texts over and over. I’m sure I look like a dumbass with my mouth hanging open but…what straight guy would add that? I need to jump all over this, right? Well, not literally. Okay, I want to literally, but I can’t.

 _Take a deep breath, Garrett_. God help me if I accidentally type something like that instead.

I get this odd rush of courage all of a sudden. Courage or stupidity, I’m not entirely sure. But I can’t let this opportunity pass.

 **Me** :  _No boyfriend for me, either. Not for a few years now._

**Me:** _Or girlfriend…ever_

There. No more wondering. The ball is in his court now. Or…glove. Whatever, this isn’t time for worrying about sports analogies.

 **Anders** :  _I find it hard to believe I’m the only one charmed by your awkwardness :)_

Nope. I definitely can’t handle this on my own. I take another screenshot of the last few messages and send them to Beth.

**Me:** _Please tell me you’re awake cause I need you to look at these right now and WHAT DO I DO?_

**Beth:**   _HOLY FUCK GARRETT._

**Beth:** _DON’T SCREW THIS UP._

That is definitely not what I wanted in terms of advice. I’m taking a really long time to answer, and that’s just making me even more nervous. He probably thinks I was weirded out or something. Which I am, but in a good way.

**Me:** _Okay, thanks for the encouragement, but WHAT DO I SAY_

**Beth:** _say something coy_

**Beth:** _tell him you can’t believe he’s charmed by your awkwardness, let alone anyone else_

I switch back to Anders’ messages. Carefully. I don’t want to mix these conversations up.

**Me:** _haha, I can’t believe awkward would be charmed by my_ _anyone, let alone you :)_

**Anders** :  _What?_

 _NO._ Oh God, what did I do!

I throw my phone across the room, and I think it might have landed somewhere near Woofy’s bed. Maybe it’ll break and I can use that as an excuse to not ever have to talk to anyone ever again because I CLEARLY cannot handle it.

I hear it buzz once…twice…possibly a third time from its new position on the floor. So much for breaking. It’s not fair to ignore him after that, but this is just…exactly what I was afraid would happen.

Woofy opens his eyes once I get off the bed and trudge over to pick up my phone. Four new texts. Fabulous.

 **Anders** :  _Garrett?_

 **Anders:**   _Oh, I get it now, haha_

 **Anders:**   _Don’t be embarrassed!_ _It_ _was adorable_

**Anders:** _Garrett? Are you still there?_

Well, he didn’t go running for the hills, but I’m still mortified. I did tell him talking to me was going to be awful, didn’t I? I lie back down on my bed and take another slow breath to calm myself. It doesn’t work.

 **Me:** _:((_

**Me:** _I warned you i would be bad!_

**Me:** _*it_

**Anders** :  _Oh, are you offering to be bad for me? ;)_

My phone crashes onto my face, and I let out a yell loud enough that Woofy bolts into the other room. I’m staring again, but I literally have no idea what to say to that. If I remotely thought he was flirting before, this confirms it. I’m just imagining him actually saying that to me, in person, with that smirk on his face and…

I groan as I roll on my side, squinting my eyes shut and trying to think of anything that will stop the sudden hardness in my pants. Of course, he messages me before that can happen.

 **Anders** :  _Sorry…that was too forward. Now I can join you in embarrassment, haha_

**Me:** _No! I mean, not too forward. I just um…_

**Me:** _It’s been a while, lol. Since I’ve already confirmed I’m a loser tonight, I might as well admit that, too._

**Anders** :  _No, it’s my fault, you didn’t do anything wrong_

**Anders:** _I tend to be a little direct. I just don’t want you to think I’m a creep_

**Anders:** _Or trying to use you or something. I shouldn’t have said anything, sorry_

I’m sitting here with the most uncomfortable hard-on I’ve ever had in my life just from him vaguely implying something sexual. And he’s worried about using me?

**Me:** _God, no, I don’t think you’re a creep_

**Me:** _At the risk of sounding like one myself, I’m incredibly turned on right now, lol_

**Me:** _But…I also get what you’re saying. I don’t want you to think the same thing about me. Using you, I mean._

I’m kicking myself for even saying that, but I just can’t do it. I’d feel so guilty afterward, and I’d rather sacrifice one night of awkward sexting if it means I get to keep talking to him.

**Anders:** _Turned on and using me..._ _I have about 30 different ways I could respond to that_

**Anders:** _None of them appropriate_

 **Anders** :  _I think…I’m going to go take a shower, lol_

A nice, cold shower. I was just thinking the same thing. Oh God, now I’m thinking about us in the shower together.  _STOP IT, Garrett._

I take a couple deep breaths, trying to calm myself down enough so I can think clearly.

**Me:** _Sorry, I made things worse, didn’t I?_

Tomorrow, I think I’m going to call my lovely, beautiful, charming friend Isabela and ask her to give me the finer points on how to flirt. Maybe I’ll bring her a couple bottles of whiskey as an incentive. I can’t go through this again. If there’s even going to  _be_ an again.

**Anders:** _Garrett…_

Here it comes. I brace myself for the rejection.

**Anders:** _I’m going to take a shower and…relieve some tension. Because right now all I can think about is you in my bed_

**Anders:** _"using” me_

**Anders:** _So no, you didn’t make things worse_

I just…

_Fuck._

I want to respond. I have so many things I want to say right now. But in the back of my head, all I’m thinking is…I can’t even carry on a normal conversation, there’s no way I won’t screw up phone sex.

I hesitate anyway, groaning again as I run my fingers through my hair and try to make a decision. I need to answer. Soon. I could very easily just laugh it off and tell him to enjoy his shower. Or...

**Me:** _Well…if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be doing the exact same thing in about 5 seconds_

**Anders:** _The shower or the other part? ;) Should I stick around?_

**Anders:** _Sorry!! I’ll stop… Will you be around tomorrow?_

**Anders:** _I promise I won’t try to seduce you_

Shit…I actually have plans tomorrow night. It’s Friday, and I promised the gang that we would go to Bianca’s and watch the game there. Those trips usually last well into the early morning hours. I’m suddenly very tempted to ditch them.

**Me:** _I’m meeting up with some friends to watch the game at a sports bar_

**Me:** _But I should be home afterward :)_

**Anders** :  _Alright_

**Anders:** _Have an…enjoyable night ;)_

**Me:** _I’d say enjoy your shower, but sounds like you will anyway, lol_

**Me:** _Good night :)_

**Anders:** _I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow if you’d like…:)_

**Anders:** _Night, Garrett_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally ready to smash their faces together but...*sigh* poor Anders is going to be on the road for a little while longer. Guess Garrett's gonna have to get used to that phone for a little while ;)
> 
> I'm probably going to change the rating to E now since I think after this chapter we can see where this is heading, lol. I think there was more I wanted to say here but honestly, I'm exhausted right now. 
> 
> Comments, kudos, etc. always welcome! Feel free to come bother me on [tumblr](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) where I occasionally get very emotional over fictional characters. Mainly on Thursdays.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett has a rough day at work, dealing with a very _hard_ problem. *cough*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: (outlining this chapter) idk, maybe it's not time for smut yet, I shouldn't have mentioned it...  
> Me: (writing this chapter) dicksdicksdicksdicksdicks *thinks* *nods* dicks
> 
> Also, we answer the burning question that's been on all of our minds: what kinds of underwear do these two dorks wear? Okay, maybe it was only on my mind.
> 
> I apologize for any mistakes, I'm posting this at 2:30am cause I got distracted with lots of other things tonight (including Sim Handers).

Needless to say, I barely slept last night and I’m paying for it this morning. I had to open the shop, which means by the time I took care of my… _problem_ and crawled into bed, it was only a few hours until I had to be back up. I think I got maybe one uninterrupted hour and no amount of coffee this morning will help.

Bethany has already texted me about 15 times asking how things went and well, I love her, but she does _not_ need to know how that conversation ended. I don’t have the energy to rehash things with her right now, so I said I would fill her in that night at the bar. It seems to have gotten her off of my back for the time being, anyway.

The morning rush has passed and I’m begrudgingly refilling the cases. I feel my phone buzz in my back pocket and damn it, Beth, I just _don’t have the patience_ to deal with you again.

It’s about an hour or so later when I decide to see what she wants. The shop is empty except for Sandal and me at the moment so I can afford to take a small break.

It’s good that no one is in the shop because as soon as I open the message and realize it is _NOT_ from Beth I go walking straight into one of the carts I just emptied and it goes flying across the room. I trip but somehow catch myself, which is amazing because my eyes are glued on my screen and I’m internally screaming because WHAT AM I LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW.

 **Anders:** _good morning ;)_

Attached is a picture of Anders standing shirtless in front of a mirror and it stops so that I can just barely see the top of his underwear. He has his hair down and one hand running through it, and he’s smirking as he looks at his phone. He’s lean but really toned, and the way he’s standing REALLY emphasizes all of his muscles and just…HOLY FUCK this is hot. I just want to run my hands over his entire body. I can’t even…

“Gar-rett?”

I jump about ten feet in the air and turn to see Sandal standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking at me with confusion. I guess the sound of the cart (which is now sitting on its side against the wall) must have startled him. I quickly hide my phone behind my back even though he’s not anywhere close to me.

“Sorry Sandal,” I yell as I rush over to pick up the cart. “I tripped and it went flying.”

I fix the cart and by the time I turn around Sandal has disappeared again. I take another look at my phone (and save the picture, just in case) and realize he sent this over an hour ago, and _oh God_ I haven’t responded and he probably thinks I hate it.

Now I’m panicking because _what do I say to that?_ Does he expect me to send him something back? I have literally no idea what to do that won’t result in me making an ass of myself and OF COURSE someone decides to walk into the bakery right when I’m having the biggest personal crisis of my life.

“GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO BODHAN’S,” I yell much louder and more terrifying than I should have as I rush over to the register, stuffing my phone in my front pocket. The woman gives me a weird look and orders really quickly before she hurries out.

Now that I’m alone again I take my phone back out and stare at it. I have a feeling I’m going to be staring at this for a while. But I _need_ to answer, even if it’s something stupid. I’m starting to feel like more of an ass the more time goes back.

 **Me:** _Sorry! Work has been really busy this morning_

 **Me:** _And I’m not exactly the most awake today ;)_

 **Me:** _I walked into a cart when I saw that_

That’s going to have to be good enough. There’s more people coming into the shop and as much as I’d like to go hide in the stockroom and think up much more charming (okay, _non-awkward_ ) responses, I’m still stuck up here alone.

I feel my phone buzz a couple more times over the span of the next hour, but I don’t have a chance to check them. Why are there so many people here today?? They need to realize I am literally dying to look at my phone right now. I am so distracted by it that I could end up falling and breaking my neck or something _all because of them_.

I almost hug Orana by the time she shows up, and I tell her that I REALLY need to use the bathroom so please cover for me for a bit. She gives me an odd look and tells me to take as much time as I need. She probably shouldn’t have said that because I could end up staying in there for the next 5 hours.

Anders sent me three more messages in the meantime.

 **Anders:** _Are you okay?_

 **Anders:** _I took that before I even talked to you last night_

 **Anders:** _That was the before, here’s the after ;)_

This man is going to kill me.

Thank God I’m leaning against the sink because I’m bracing myself on the edge right now as I look at this…this…I don’t even know what else to call him other than walking sex. This picture is in front of the same mirror, but it’s zoomed out enough now that I can see most of his body. He’s standing with one thumb hooked into the waistband of his briefs, pulling them down just enough that I see the tuft of hair right above his dick and FUCK he is hard (he wasn’t joking), and he is definitely um… _filling out_ what he’s wearing. He has that same damn smirk on his face and I _know_ he knows exactly what this picture is going to do to me.

 **Me:** _..._

 **Me:** _You’re killing me, you know that?_

I feel like I should be flirting more. I also feel like I shouldn’t be doing anything that will make it… _uncomfortable_ to go back out in the shop.

And, of course, he texts back almost immediately.

 **Anders:** _So…I take it you’re enjoying them?_

Yeah, I definitely should have said more. Does he really want me to sit here and tell him _exactly_ what I’m thinking right now?

 **Me:** _Fuck yes_

 **Me:** _But I don’t think now is the time for me to tell you exactly how much. You know…customers and stuff._

I need to get back out there. Orana is probably going to come looking for me, and I feel bad leaving her there alone with the lunch crowd getting ready to come in.

 **Anders:** _I’ll make you a deal_

 **Anders:** _You text me and tell me and I promise I won’t respond until tonight. So you don’t get flustered_

 **Anders:** _(which I still find adorable)_

I am so tempted right now. But I could easily make an ass out of myself and, on top of it all, I have no idea what I would actually say. Other than, you know… “please be waiting for me in my bed when I come home tonight.” Part of me doesn’t want to have to wait for a response, though. I know it’s all I’ll be thinking about until I talk to him tonight, which won’t be for another 10 hours or something. But I’m not going to lose this chance.

 **Me:** _Okay, deal_

 **Me:** _I’m sure I’m going to embarrass the hell out of myself though. Fair warning_

I’m either going to be so scared to say anything or the floodgates are going to break and I’m going to tell him down to the tiniest detail exactly what I think.

 **Anders:** _doubt it :) talk to you later Garrett…_

I just send him back a smile as my brain heads into overload. Should I text him now when I’m SURE he will see it, or wait until I know he’s already at the stadium? I’m not going to feed Beth’s frenzy anymore so I decide to text Fenris instead.

 **Me:** _Heeeyyyyy…_

 **Me:** _So hypothetical situation_

 **Me:** _Let’s say you wanted to tell someone something, but you weren’t sure if you should wait until you know they won’t see it for a while_

 **Me:** _What would you do?_

Fenris won’t let me down, I know it. I splash some cool water on my face, hoping he responds before I leave the bathroom.

 **Fenris:** _Please tell me you didn’t propose_

These guys do not give me nearly enough credit. I would not propose to someone without even going on a real date. I mean…he hasn’t even met Woofy yet.

 **Me:** _Haha you’re soo funny. No I didn’t_

 **Fenris:** _Just tell him he’s hot, Hawke. Get it over with_

Guess that answers that question. I tell him thanks and do one more check in the mirror before I get ready to head back out.

I barely get the phone back in my pocket when I feel it buzz again.

 **Anders:** _sorry…I couldn’t resist ;)_

And, of course, there’s a picture with it. This is clearly right after his shower ( _DON’T think about what he did in that shower, Garrett)_ because he’s in front of the bathroom mirror this time, which is all fogged up except for the spot he wiped clean. He’s leaning forward with one hand resting on the counter in front of the sink, smirking again (of course he is). He’s still wet; I can see the water dripping down his body and…he definitely is not wearing anything. At all.

I lean back against the sink again for support. His hair is kinda slicked back, like he ran a hand through it really fast just to get it out of his face. He’s leaning in a way that what I _really_ want to see is still hidden, except for that same damn bit of hair. But I can clearly see every curve of his muscles, the tiny bit of hair he has on his chest, the fact that his nipples are hard and all I really want to do right now is…

 _STOP_. I feel like I need to slap myself. But he is perfect. He is literally a wet dream and _fuck_ , I am really trying to focus, but I am hard as hell right now. I don’t even think I realize what I’m doing when I start typing back.

 **Me:** _How are you even real??_

 **Me:** _I am so fucking hard right now, and I can’t do anything about it_

 **Me:** _I can’t stop thinking about what you probably just did in that shower and how much I want to fucking do it to you. I want to kiss every inch of your body, I want to touch you and stroke you until you scream and I want you to fuck me as long and as hard as you can_

I press send on the last message before I can think about it twice and then I toss my phone on the counter and pull down my pants because there is no way in hell I can leave this bathroom the way I am right now. I swear it probably takes me about 5 strokes before I come and I’m really hoping no one was near the door because I definitely moaned too loud. I clean myself up and grab my phone before doing one more quick check in the mirror. I look like a complete mess, but unless I plan on spending another 15 minutes in here calming myself down, I have no choice.

When I think I can form coherent thoughts again, I head back to the front where Orana (thankfully) only has two customers. She takes one look at me though and freaks out.

“Garrett!” she gasps, sprinting over. “You look _awful_. Do you have some kind of flu? You were in there so long, I was worried.”

 _THIS IS YOUR OUT, GARRETT._ I clear my throat a bit and nod, hoping I look apologetic.

“I’m so sorry, I was up most of the night with this same…problem.”

“Garrett fell,” I hear Sandal pipe up from the back. Orana looks even more horrified now.

“You _fell_ , Garrett? Did you pass out? You need to go home and get into bed. Should I call Bethany?”

I almost burst out laughing, but turn it into a cough instead. It does not sound remotely convincing, but I think Orana is too worried to pay much attention.

“It’s not very far to my apartment, I think I’ll be okay. The worst is probably over and I just need to sleep it off.”

Is it bad that I feel like that’s the most lucid thought I’ve had the entire day? But it worked because Orana gives me a friendly pat on the arm and tells me to call her if I need anything. Part of me feels really guilty for leaving, but most of me realizes what a mess I’m going to be if I have to stay there the rest of my shift. Plus, I’m one of those people that never takes off work. A shift change now and then, but I’m always here. I deserve a little break.

It doesn’t take me long to get home and I’m flying through the door moments later. Woofy is naturally very excited to see me, and he comes trotting over. I take him outside before I get settled and then shut him out of the bedroom as I shrug out of my clothes and get into bed. The more I thought about it, the more a nap sounded like a good idea – especially if I still plan on going out that night to Bianca’s.

There’s no harm in looking at those pictures one more time before I sleep, though, right? I sort of want to see what I sent to Anders in my sex-fueled haze, just to make sure I didn’t sound like a complete jackass.

I have to fish my phone out of my pants, which takes longer than it should because I refuse to get out of bed. Once I do, however, I see that I have a bunch of new messages. I get really excited for a minute before I remember that Anders wasn’t going to message me until after the game, per our “deal.”

So needless to say, when I swipe the screen and see they’re all from Anders, I kinda freak out a little. I don’t know whether I should be excited or scared, but either way, I’m _really_ hesitant to click on the message. I don’t even remember what I said, so God only knows what kind of response I’m going to get.

 _Suck it up_ , I tell myself as I tap the box. Maybe suck wasn’t the best word I could have used in this situation because now I have certain other thoughts in my head involving sucking things...

 **Anders:** _Fuck Garrett…please tell me you’re still in that room_

 **Anders:** _I need to talk to you. Actually talk._

 **Anders:** _That was the fucking hottest thing I have read in a long time. I can just picture you standing there, so hard for me, and all I want to do is get down on my knees and take you in my mouth. You can’t even imagine all the things I want to do to you right now._

 **Anders:** _I don’t have to leave for another hour. Message me if you can_

My heart is racing so much right now, I need to close my eyes and breathe before I respond. I don’t know that I’m ready to actually talk to him – like _this_ , anyway – so I’m debating messaging him back at all. I could always pretend I was stuck at work and wait until I know he left for the game. Orrrr…I have a much better idea.

 **Me:** _So, um…let’s say you told the person he was hot and he responded a LOT better than you expected_

 **Me:** _What would you do now?_

Come on, Fenris, please still be around.

 **Fenris:** _I don’t think I want to know what that means_

 **Fenris:** _But what did he do_

Do I dare tell him? He’s really the only other person besides Beth than I would even consider telling any of this to, and he will definitely not have the same reaction. So maybe he’s the safer bet. I knew he was my best friend for a reason.

 **Me:** _He uhhh…sent me some very nice photos_

 **Me:** _Not nudes! But close_

 **Me:** _And then I answered like you told me_

 **Me:** _And he REALLY liked what I said_

 **Me:** _Now I don’t know what to do_

 **Me:** _Pls save me_

Why am I wearing so little clothes? I swear, every inch I move rubs something that shouldn’t be this sensitive and I’m getting really uncomfortable. Again. For the third time in about 12 hours and this hasn’t happened in a _long_ time.

 **Fenris:** _Maybe you should send him something comparable_

 **Fenris:** _And I didn’t tell you to do anything, you asked_

Ughh…I was afraid he was going to say that. What the hell do I do? I just lie here for a minute as I try to think, adjusting myself about three more times in the process. Which, actually…

I prop another pillow underneath my head so I’m lying down, but still kind of reclined. I’m also completely hard (again), so I adjust my boxers until I feel like they’re, um… _displaying_ my assets in the best way possible. I’m feeling bold, though, so I stroke myself a couple times until I have a bit of precum leaking, and I make sure it leaves a visible spot on my boxers. I’ve been told I’m pretty nicely endowed, so I’m kind of proud to show off.

I switch back to his text box and attach the picture.

 **Me:** _I had to go home_

 **Me:** _I already took care of my “problem” once_

 **Me:** _Then I got your message and this happened_

I could probably be a LOT sexier if I was someone who was…you know, actually _sexy_ , but this isn’t too bad.

I feel the phone buzz almost immediately, and I’m kind of flattered that he was waiting for a response.

 **Anders:** _Fuck, Garrett…_

 **Anders:** _I was hoping you’d message me_

 **Anders:** _I wasn’t expecting THAT_

 **Me:** _Is that a good thing? ;)_

 **Anders:** _Fuck yes it’s a good thing_

 **Anders:** _Can I call you?_

I don’t answer right away. I feel like such a loser, but I don’t know that I can handle what I’m pretty sure he wants to do right now. I think I would just sit here and moan in response…and probably come in about 5 seconds. That would just be embarrassing, especially since I’m not exactly good at being quiet.

 **Anders:** _Sorry, I’m really pushing the limit today_

 **Anders:** _We can just text_

 **Anders:** _Are you okay?_

Now I feel bad, but also kind of relieved. I need to work on my sexy texts before I can move on to sexy talk.

 **Me:** _They sent me home because when I (finally) came out of the bathroom I was so red and flustered they thought I was sick, haha_

 **Me:** _All YOUR fault, I might add ;)_

 **Anders:** _Wait, so you touched yourself right there?? I thought you meant when you got home!_

Is that gross? Weird? Should I have lied? For some reason I think he will like the idea so I go with it…

 **Me:** _Yeah, there was no way I could go back out there. I think I came in about 10 seconds._

 **Anders:** _God, Garrett_

 **Anders:** _That is hot_

I KNEW it! I grin at my phone like I just figured out a puzzle.

 **Anders:** _I don’t want to ask this_

 **Anders:** _But am I moving too fast?_

 **Anders:** _It’s been…a while since I did this_

Really?? I’m honestly pretty shocked by that statement. I don’t know why, but I guess I just assumed he had people throwing themselves at his feet constantly. Which he might, but I guess that doesn’t mean he takes advantage.

 **Me:** _Well, I wasn’t expecting things to move this fast (or at all…) but I’m definitely not complaining_

 **Me:** _I have no idea what I’m doing just so you know_

 **Anders:** _For real Garrett, if I’m going too fast just let me know_

 **Me:** _Ask me again when we’re in bed and then I’ll give you an answer_

Where the FUCK did that come from?! Have I been subconsciously listening to Bela this entire time?

 **Anders:** _I seem to remember you asking for it fast ;)_

 **Me:** _Something else I definitely won’t complain about ;)_

 **Anders:** _Fuck, I want to be back in Kirkwall so bad_

 **Anders:** _Never in a million years did I think I’d say that_

 **Anders:** _See why?_

He attached another picture, and this one has his pants pulled down (he’s obviously getting ready to leave soon), and he’s sporting another very prominent erection. Before I can reply another one pops up, and…oh God. This one is almost the same, except he’s gripping himself through the thin fabric so I can see a very definite outline. He looks longer than me, but not as thick.

I go to type back when another message pops up.

 **Anders:** _There’s one more if you’re interested…_

 **Me:** _YSE_

 **Me:** _Yes*_

 **Me:** _Please_

 **Anders:** _Only because you asked nicely ;)_

The next picture pops up, and it’s…I don’t even realize I’ve reached my hand down my boxers until I go to type back. It’s exactly what I expected and I’m not disappointed. He pulled his briefs down just enough to free himself, and he has one hand wrapped around his cock, thumb on the head. It is sexy as hell and there are way too many things I want to do to it right now.

But I’m wondering if he wants one back. I guess…it’s only fair?

 _Be bold, Garrett! He likes it, you like it, let loose a little_. I guess it’s true. Good pep talk, brain.

I take my boxers off completely and as soon as I touch myself again I feel like I’m going to come. I’m not going to last long at all, and I’m still amazed by that since I JUST came an hour ago. I haven’t tried this in a long time; I’m impressed I still have the stamina. Something to definitely remember…

I pull my dick up so that he can see the full length before I wrap my hand around it completely. I take a few different pictures at slightly different angles so I can decide which one I like the best and this is actually really turning me on. Like, even more than I was. Somehow during the impromptu photo shoot I just…lose it. A few more quick strokes and I’m coming all over my stomach.

Which leads me to another Brilliant Garrett Idea.

I’m still pretty hard so I pull my dick up in the same position, but I make sure I angle the phone so that it gets both that AND my stomach in the shot.

Good timing too, because my phone buzzes about five seconds later, right as I finish wiping myself off.

 **Anders:** _I could use a little…help here ;)_

I attach one of the first pictures.

 **Me:** _Sorry, my hand is otherwise occupied…_

 **Anders:** _..._

 **Anders:** _Everything about you is fucking gorgeous_

 **Me:** _But then I looked at your picture again and got a little too excited…_

I attach one of the second pictures and sit back and wait.

And wait.

I’m not-so-secretly hoping he’s doing what I think he’s doing, but I’m going to keep quiet for now. I don’t have to wait for much longer.

 **Anders:** _I thought I came hard last night_

 **Anders:** _Fuck, I hope my teammates already left because I don’t want to explain that noise_

 **Anders:** _I can’t believe I have to cut this short right now_

 **Anders:** _But I’m already late_

 **Anders:** _PLEASE tell me you’ll be around tonight??_

 **Me:** _I’m going to the bar with my friends still, but I should be home not long after the game gets done_

 **Anders:** _Okay, I’ll message you and if I don’t get a reply I’ll know you’re still out, probably being ogled by hot guys ;)_

 **Me:** _I’m only interested in one hot guy ogling me right now, thank you very much_

 **Anders:** _Should I be jealous??_

 **Me:** _Nope ;)_

 **Anders:** _;) Talk to you later Garrett_

 **Anders:** _Fuck, this is going to be a long night…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was originally supposed to be merged with (what will be) chapter 7. My outline has them together, and I was expecting it to be another 4k-ish word chapter. But then it just...exploded (no pun intended) and suddenly turned into almost 10k words, so I decided to split them up. Which means! Chapter 7 won't be very far behind. Hopefully by the end of the weekend. 
> 
> I was realllllly into this part while I was writing it, so I hope I'm not still in a sexting haze like Garrett and it actually sucks ass. 
> 
> Also, I need two very handsome Anders and Garrett-looking male models to take some photos for this chapter. For science. 
> 
> Fantastic art for this chapter! ['I walked into a cart when I saw that'](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/post/128598332700/kinloch-ho-its-good-that-no-one-is-in-the-shop)
> 
> Kudos, comments, etc. always appreciated! Come find me on [ tumblr](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to see me flail more about these two (and occasionally post other little things from this world that haven't made it on here yet). And screaming. Always screaming.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett starts debating the future of his (non-existent) relationship with Anders, and looks to his friends for advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the chapter I posted the other day (only a day later than I promised!). There is not nearly as much smut this time around as Garrett goes back into hyperventilation mode.
> 
> I'm posting late(ish) again, so any mistakes I will write off as sleep deprivation. Or something.
> 
> ALSO, if you haven't seen on tumblr, I have the most perfect [rl Anders.](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/post/123949565235/ladies-and-gentlemen-we-have-an-anders-i-repeat) There was much screaming. MUCH.

I pass out almost immediately after he says bye. I have had a _very_ strenuous day so far, on top of the lack of sleep last night. I think I deserve a nice long nap.

Which is exactly what I get. I think I only wake up because I hear Woofy whining on the other side of the door where he’s still locked out. I slept for almost four hours and I feel a hell of a lot better. At least I still have a couple hours before I’m due to meet everyone at the bar, so I can afford to relax a little and process what happened today.

I’m a bit disappointed that I don’t have any new texts, but I don’t know why. There’s no reason I should have expected any when he clearly said he was on his way out. I text Fenris and tell him his plan was a success, but that I was going to spare him the details (he was very happy about that). Then I sent one to Beth to make sure we were still on for tonight.

 **Beth:** _Yes, and you better not forget your promise_

 **Me:** _I didn’t! But you can’t know everything._

 **Beth:** _DID YOU GUYS HAVE PHONE SEX?!_

This is why I asked Fenris for advice and not her. I am not discussing my sex life (or lack thereof) with my little sister.

 **Me:** _No! And I wouldn’t tell you if we had. Just that some of it is private._

 **Beth:** _UGH. Well you better tell me as much as you can. This is HUGE for you Gare!_

Okay, because THAT doesn’t make me sound like a loser. I get Woofy’s dinner ready and decide to hop in the shower before I get ready to pick up Beth and Carver. And I need it. I know no one except me would notice, but I feel like I just reek of sex.

Trouble is, as soon as I step in the shower I immediately think of the _last_ one I took…and then of Anders in the shower…and then of the picture of Anders _after_ his shower…and, shit. I turn off the hot water because I really need the proverbial cold shower right now.

This is not pleasant. Why would anyone ever do this?

Once I’m done, I get dressed and trim myself up a little. My beard is looking a little unkempt lately. Not that the person I’m trying to impress is going to see me anytime soon, but I feel like I should seem a little more put together anyway.

God, I feel so obsessed. I keep checking my phone to make sure I didn’t miss a text from him. I just want to _talk_. Type. Whatever. I know as soon as I’m with everyone tonight I’ll be okay, but being alone my mind just keeps drifting back to him.

I also don’t want to be “that guy”… but I’m getting really curious as to where he expects this to go. Like, in the future. I’m wondering if it’s too soon to ask, considering we’ve spoken to each other, what? 5 times? When I think of it that way I realize why he keeps asking me if he’s going too fast. We know some stuff about each other, but not a whole lot.

My stomach sinks at the thought, and I can feel my mind going into overdrive as I finish getting ready. Maybe he thinks I’m just an easy lay? I don’t know, do I come off as desperate? Cause I don’t feel that way. I didn’t feel that way even before we met. I’ve had plenty of guys come up and proposition me (apparently guys like the “lumberjack” look that I’m not even going for), so I know I’m not unattractive, but it’s been a while since I’ve had an actual boyfriend.

I need to think about this. I opt to lie down on the couch instead of pacing a hole in my floor, and I close my eyes as I try to work through the pieces in my head.

Do I like Anders? Yes. Would I like him to be my boyfriend? I still feel like it’s a longshot that it will happen, but yes. Would I have sex with him if that’s all he wants?

That’s the big question. I’d be hurt, I can’t lie to myself about that. I get the impression that he actually likes _me_ , so if I found out that’s all he wanted, well…I don’t know if I could do it. I’d probably kick myself every time I saw him pitch from then on out, thinking _you could have slept with him, you idiot!_

 _Or_ , I could look at him every time he pitches thinking _that’s my boyfriend_.

And that makes me feel really happy.

I’m lying there, grinning like an idiot to myself when I feel my phone buzz, snapping me back to reality. It’s just Beth letting me know they’re ready.

I don’t want this to hang over me all night. I debate asking the group once we get to the bar, but I’m not sure I want everyone’s input. Namely, I don’t need Bela and Carver’s input.

I decide to send Anders a message before I chicken out.

 **Me:** _Okay, this could be me effectively ruining whatever it is we have going on right now_

 **Me:** _But I was thinking about what you said earlier...about moving too fast_

 **Me:** _And I guess I want to know what you meant. Like moving too fast towards what? Sex? A relationship? Both?_

 **Me:** _I just want us to be on the same page before this goes further_

 _Better to spare myself the heartache now_ , I think dejectedly. That wasn't too demanding, I don't think. Maybe I'll ask Beth and/or Fenris if I can get them alone tonight. Just to be safe.

I check myself in the mirror one last time and double check Woofy’s bowl before I grab my keys and head out.

* * *

Bethany starts demanding gossip as soon as she gets in the car.

“Spill, Garrett!”

“Come on, Beth!” Carver whines from the backseat. “ _Please_ wait until I'm out of earshot, Garrett.”

“He just needs quiet to concentrate on not screwing up with Merrill tonight,” she whispers to me, loud enough that Carver can hear.

“That's not true! Damn it, Beth, keep your comments to yourself.”

He slumps in his seat with a really sullen look on his face as Beth winks at me. He makes it seem like none of us have seen the two of them together the last few months.

“Are you going to finally man-up and ask her on a real date?” I ask, peering at him through the rearview mirror.

“What? Who told you that? Beth, I _told_ you not to say anything!”

Bethany is doubled over in her seat, laughing. She never said anything, he just has no idea how obvious he is. God, I hope I'm not that bad.

“She didn’t tell me anything, Carver,” I reassure him, trying not to laugh myself. “But I’ll take pity on you and won’t say anything either.” I turn to look at Beth. “I want to talk to you about it in private anyway. You and Fenris.”

Her eyes get huge when I say that.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Good, I think? That’s kind of what I want to talk about.”

Beth just nods and turns on the radio, thankfully dropping it for now. Carver is still sulking with his arms crossed in the back and we spend the rest of the drive making small talk.

Everyone else is already there by the time we arrive, Bela standing on a chair to wave us over…as if we couldn’t hear her laughing from the other side of the room. I notice Carver straighten his shirt (he’s in a button-up for once; this really _is_ a special occasion) and Beth picks a little bit of fuzz off his shoulder as we walk over.

They were able to snag one of those corner booths, so there’s plenty of room for all of us around the table, and we shove Carver in ahead of us so he can scoot around to the inside next to Merrill. He’s already turning red as she starts chatting about something that happened to her at work today. Beth and I exchange grins before I nod at Fenris, who only smirks back.

I gesture towards the bar with my head and he slides out of the booth, immediately attracting the attention of Isabela.

“Are you two running off already?” she pouts.

“I just want to go say hi to Varric,” I say quickly. “And it’s faster to put in our order from there.”

“I’ll come help,” Beth adds, hopping up from where she sat down a second ago.

Bela just waves a hand dismissively at us as she turns her grin on Carver, who shoots us a glare as we walk away.

“So what happened?” Beth demands as we take seats at one end of the bar.

“Long story short…he sent me some very, um, _suggestive_ pictures this morning while I was at work. I got a little flustered.” I grin sheepishly.

“What did you tell him?” Fenris prompts.

“I told him…lots of things. Explicit things.” I feel my face flushing as Beth giggles. “And um, I had to go home.”

Fenris frowns. “Why did you have to go home?”

I hesitate, debating how much I should give away.

“Orana thought I looked a little sick and I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before anyway, so I thought I would take the chance to play hooky for once,” I shrug casually.

“Gare, his pictures made you look sick?” Beth asks, one lip curling up as she gives me a skeptical glance. Then I can see the realization dawn on her face.

“OH! Oh God, Garrett!”

Fenris is shaking with silent laughter next to me as Beth manages to turn five different shades of red. I warned her!

“So, _anyway_ ,” I keep going. I started, might as well finish. “I get home and he left me a really long text and said he wanted to call me. I asked _someone_ ,” I glance at Fenris, “for advice and um…ended up sending him some pictures back.”

Beth’s eyes are now about as big as I’ve ever seen them, and she just gapes at me with the most shocked look on her face. I didn’t think she was this easily surprised; I’m really confused.

“I didn’t tell you to do anything,” Fenris protests, still smirking. “You asked for my advice.”

“What did he say, Gare?” Beth whispers, in awe.

“He sent more pictures.” I clear my throat. “Much more, um…graphic, pictures. I may have sent one or two back.”

Now Fenris looks surprised as well. Beth is sort of hiding her face in her hands and I can’t tell if she’s embarrassed or laughing (or both). I give them a second before I continue.

“So, yeah. He really liked those too and said he would message me after the game tonight.”

“You never called him?” Beth asks, looking back over at me.

“No,” I shake my head. “I…didn’t think I was ready for, you know…phone sex.” Now it’s my turn to go red again. We’re all quiet for a minute and really, this wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.

“So no one has anything to say about this?”

Beth grins at me. “I just can’t believe we’re talking about _Anders_ , Garrett. You’ve seen his dick!” She shouts and then ducks her head a little as she glances around to see if anyone heard. I wish _I_  hadn’t heard her, but I did ask.

“So what now, Hawke?” Fenris – the voice of reason – speaks up.

I explain to them my doubts about where this thing is going and read them the last set of texts I sent. They both sit silently until I finish.

“I don’t know Gare, I don’t think he’s trying to…use you, or whatever. I probably wouldn’t have sent anything,” Beth says, shrugging.

I slump over the bar a little, drumming my fingers on the edge as I think.

“Just wait and see what he says, Hawke,” Fenris says quietly. “It’s already done, so now all you can do is prepare for an answer.”

I nod, numbly. I screwed up; that’s basically what they’re telling me. I jumped the gun, and now I probably scared him off.

“Well, let’s look at it rationally,” Beth says, squeezing my arm. “Show me what you wrote again.”

I hand over my phone to her, rubbing my face as I try to think. Fenris clears his throat a couple seconds later and gestures towards Beth. She’s staring at my phone with one hand covering her mouth, eyes wide all over again. I already told her what I wrote, was it that…

“HEY!” I snatch it back from her grubby little hands. Oh God, what did she see??

“I only saw the one, Garrett,” she squeaks, embarrassed. One is bad enough, Oh God, which one was it…

“BETHANY!” I wail. It was the last picture Anders sent, which means the last picture _I_ sent was right above it, and she probably saw that one, too. That’s it, I’m officially cutting all familial ties.

“I’m so sorry, Garrett. I was just trying to help.” She looks upset and now I feel bad, even though I’m still a little pissed. It’s my own fault for handing her the phone, I don’t know why I’m mad at her, but still. I sigh and shake my head a little.

“Please, don’t even mention this again. _Either of you_.” Fenris just shrugs uninterestedly while Beth nods, face brightening a little. “So, what’s your advice?”

“Wellll,” Beth starts, “it could go a couple different ways. He could tell you he only wants sex. Or fun. Whatever you want to call it. Or he could tell you he wants more.”

“Or he could tell you he wants nothing,” Fenris says, dryly. God damn it, Fenris, you’re supposed to be on my side here. Stop filling my head with horrible thoughts.

I groan and rest my head on the bar, right as Varric walks over.

“Well, well look who it is!” he yells. “How’s it going, Sunshine? Your brother okay over here?”

I just groan louder as Fenris says hello as well.

“He’s fine, Varric,” Beth says, and I think she’s giggling a little. I peek over at them and see they’re mouthing words back and forth at each other.

“Don’t worry, Hawke. First drink is on the house.” Varric winks as he walks away. “But I want to hear all about it,” he calls over his shoulder. Right, Varric. Everyone in Kirkwall and beyond will know if I tell him.

“Anyway,” Beth says, turning back to me as I sit up. “If he says he wants more, then perfect! You can just work out the details…arrangement…whatever you want to call it.” I nod. “But if he tells you he just wants sex, what are you going to say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Really?” Beth raises one eyebrow. “You’d turn down a chance at _that_?” she asks, nodding towards my phone before blushing again.

I glare at her and she holds her hands up in defense.

“If he says he only wants sex,” I sigh, “then I guess I’ll…see how he says it? I don’t know, if he kinda laughs it off, I might try to do that too. If he’s really patronizing about it, then I’ll just cut things off. I don’t want to be some kind of sympathy fuck.”

“I don’t get that impression at all, Hawke,” Fenris says. “Why would he go out of his way to single you out? He could be sleeping with anyone. A different person every night, if he wanted to.”

“Fennnn,” I moan, head returning to its spot on the bar. “I don’t need to think about that!”

“I’m not saying he does it,” Fenris scoffs. “I’m just saying he _could_ , but he’s choosing not to so that he can send you dick pics instead.”

Beth tries to cover a snort with a cough and I can’t help but grin. He has a point. But _still_.

“Okay, and option number three that I’m trying to forget even exists – what do we do about that one?”

“Then he’s not worth your time,” Fenris says resolutely, earning a quick look from both Beth and myself.

“I give you permission to tell him off if he says that, Gare,” Beth adds. “To string you along and then do that…” she shakes her head. “Or give us the phone, we’ll put him straight.”

It’s not going to come to that, I just have a feeling. I don’t know how productive all of this was, but I feel a little better at least. Varric returns at that moment with my drink, and we put in orders for everyone else. I promise to tell him everything when I have more time. Like that’s going to happen…

I glance back over at our table and I see Bela kneeling on the seat now, gesturing wildly as Carver glares daggers at her. Merrill is laughing at whatever she’s saying and I’m sure Carver is pissed he doesn’t have her attention all to himself. I grab my drink and stand up.

“Alright, at least I have a game plan,” I say, running my fingers through my hair as I exhale. “It’s something at least.” Fenris nods and Beth grabs me around my waist and gives me a little hug.

“You’ll be fine, Gare. We’re here if you need help.”

We head back to the table and I can see Carver’s look of relief. Fenris sits down next to Bela and she immediately turns her attention back to him. I sit down next to him and Beth slides in next to Carver. I see her give him a reassuring squeeze on the leg and he just swats her hand away. What a loving brother.

“Soooo, Hawkey,” Bela coos, “any news?”

“We’re closing an hour earlier at the bakery on Mondays now,” I respond, totally straight-faced as I take a gulp of my beer.

“You know that’s not what I meant!” she huffs, leaning over Fenris towards me. I see Carver shift slightly so he’s out of the line of sight of her very low-cut shirt. I’m not entirely sure how Fenris stays so calm with those things hanging right there in front of his face, but he just leans back a little more so she has room.

“I know what you meant,” I reply, taking another sip. “But there’s nothing to tell. We’ve been chatting, that’s it.”

“Oh boo, that’s not fun at all.” She pouts and sits back.

“Is he nice, Garrett?” Merrill asks. I almost choke on my drink. Yes, I would describe him as _very_ nice.

“He is, Merrill,” I nod. “I’m…enjoying our messages.”

She smiles and the subject sort of drops, everyone going off into their own conversations. I turn my attention to the game (which has just started) and kind of zone out to everyone else. Anders is due to pitch tomorrow, and I’m thankful at least I don’t have that to distract me on top of everything else.

Like I suspected, once we got into the swing of the evening I start to calm down. The game is bad, and the Champs are losing by a pretty huge margin so my attention is drifting back and forth between that and the conversations at the table. I see Carver getting more fidgety as the night goes on, which is amusing, but I feel kind of sorry for him.

As soon as the game gets done I’m ready to leave, but no one else seems like they’re willing to go just yet. I _need_ to get back home! This is a routine now! I start bouncing my leg under the table and I must be shaking the whole thing because Beth kicks me to make me stop.

I can’t help it, though; the more time we spend here, the less time I have at home to be prepared for this talk. I start bouncing again and I can feel Fenris looking at me.

“Hawke, why don’t you get a breath of fresh air.”

It’s not a question, it’s a command. But maybe it’s a good idea, so I nod and stand.

“Hey, Carv. Want to come with me?”

He shoots me a suspicious look and then gives one to Beth, who just shrugs. He nods and murmurs something to Merrill about being right back – since, you know, she didn’t just hear the whole conversation – and then follows me out.

“What do you want, Garrett?” he demands as soon as we’re outside. God, I hope he doesn’t talk to her like this.

“Calm down, baby brother,” I grin. He hates being called that, especially since he’s slightly bigger than I am. “I just wanted to know how things were going with you-know-what.”

He gives me another glare and then his shoulders slump. “It’s _not_ going. We haven’t had a free second alone.”

I nod but I’m not really interested, so I take a couple of deep breaths to clear my head. God, it’s hot and disgusting out here, this is not helping at all. I pat him on the back and tell him to wait right there.

It feels much better inside as I stroll back over to the table.

“Hey, Merrill? Could you go check on Carver? He was feeling a little dizzy but wouldn’t let me walk him back inside. You know how he is.”

Her eyes get enormous and she scrambles over Beth to get out of the booth before rushing towards the door. It’s absolutely adorable and we’re all grinning as we watch her leave.

We chat amongst ourselves for a few minutes and they still haven’t returned, so I’m going to take this as our excuse to leave. I’ve been here WAY later than I wanted, and I’m expecting Anders to message me within the hour. Which means by the time I drop off Carver and Beth and then get home, I’ll barely have enough time to take Woofy out and get settled.

“I’m not ready to leave yet, sweets,” Bela pouts, lounging in the empty space left by Merrill and Carver.

“Then you can stay!” I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air. “But I have to get home. Beth?”

“I want to stay too, Gare,” she whines. I swear, I love these people, but I’m ready to start using my dad voice on them all.

“I. Need. To. Go. Home.” I stare at her pointedly.

“I can fit everyone in my car, Hawke,” Fenris says. “Carver can sit up front and the girls can sit together in the back.” Bela and Beth both perk up and nod.

“Fine. Whatever. Have fun, I’m going home.” I fish my keys out of my pocket as I say bye and then wave to Varric as I head to the door.

I don’t see Carver or Merrill anywhere, which is a little…unsettling. I glance around the front and there’s no sign of them, so I walk around the side and…oh _God_ , I didn’t need to see that. Carver is sitting on one of the benches and Merrill is on his lap and they’re just…ugh, I do not ever need to see my brother kissing anyone ever again. I rush off before they notice me and get the hell out of there.

I can fill Beth in on all this later.

* * *

I let Woofy out as soon as I get home and he must notice how anxious I am because he doesn’t do his usual “I must sniff everything in a five-block radius” nighttime routine. Which is good, and I give him an extra treat as he settles on his bed to thank him for being the perfect dog.

By the time I wash up and crawl into my own bed, it’s about 20 minutes after the time Anders normally messages me. I’m not going to panic about it yet.

That’s a lie, I’m freaking out. My hands are all sweaty already. I take back whatever positive thoughts I had earlier. He’s probably just not going to message me ever again and avoid the conversation altogether. _Why didn’t we think of this?!_

I roll on my side and bury my head in the pillow as I wait. I’ll give him a little more time. Maybe he thinks I’m still at the bar and he doesn’t want to interrupt? No, he said he would message me anyway. But that was _before_ my stupid question.

The next thing I know, I’m jolted awake by the sound of my phone ringing. Oh, _SHIT_ , I fell asleep! How long has it been? By the time I’m able to dig my phone out from the blankets the ringing stopped. It was Anders. _Of course_ it was. I also seem to have 7 new texts.

 **Anders:** _Sorry Garrett, had a team meeting after that “game” if you could even call it that_

 **Anders:** _Are you still out?_

There’s about a 45-minute break in between that text and the next one. God, _how long was I out?_

 **Anders:** _I won’t bother you if you’re busy but_

 **Anders:** _did I give you the impression I only wanted sex?_

 **Anders:** _because that is absolutely not true_

 **Anders:** _is that what you want?_

There’s another gap of about 30 minutes after that and I’m so nervous, my stomach is rolling all over. I mean, I’m happy at this little bit of hope, but at the same time I’m really upset that I slept this long.

 **Anders:** _Fuck, I hope I didn’t scare you off…_

Shit shit shit shit _shit_. Okay, I screwed up. He called me about 10 minutes after the last text, and now I see that there’s a voicemail.

 _Okay, Garrett, you can still fix this_. I take a deep breath and listen, and oh _God_ , hearing his voice is amazing. I haven’t heard him talk like this before; it’s more…intimate? His voice sounds deeper and he’s talking in more of a murmur. It’s a little husky, and it’s going straight to my groin.

“ _Garrett, it’s Anders. Are you okay? I just want to…make sure things are okay. Can we talk? I’ll be up for another hour or so, and if I don’t hear from you well, I hope you’re okay.”_

God, this might be the first time I’ve heard him fumble over his own words. I hope I’m not rubbing off on him. This sounds positive, although I’m still really aggravated. Well, it will hopefully be positive after I apologize for the next ten years.

 **Me:** _FUCK I’m sorry!! I feel asleep as soon as I got home._

 **Me:** _I feel so stupid right now_

 **Me:** _I hope you’re still awake…_

I roll over and shout into my pillow in my frustration, loud enough that Woofy perks his head up and gives me a worried little whine. It’s okay, buddy, I’m just crashing and burning. My phone buzzes almost immediately.

 **Anders:** _Oh thank god, I thought something happened to you_

 **Me:** _I feel like an ass_

 **Anders:** _Don’t_

 **Anders:** _I was so impatient to get out of that meeting_

 **Me:** _lol I was the same way. I ditched everyone at the bar to rush home_

 **Anders:** _really? I feel special :)_

HE feels special? Then I have no idea what to call the way I feel.

 **Me:** _sorry for worrying you_

 **Me:** _I was waiting to talk to you all evening and then I go and pass out_

 **Me:** _I barely had anything to drink!_

 **Anders:** _it’s fine :) as long as you’re okay_

 **Anders:** _so…do you still want to talk tonight? About what you wrote, I mean?_

Shit…do I? I mean, he kind of answered me, but I didn’t acknowledge it. I guess the smart thing to do would be talk about it now and get it over with like I originally wanted.

 **Me:** _yeah, I mean, if you want to_

 **Me:** _I feel like I rushed things along by sending that, I was kicking myself all night_

 **Anders:** _do I seem like all I want is sex?_

 **Anders:** _I mean, I DO, eventually_

 **Anders:** _but that’s not all I want_

Okay, now the nervousness is slowly being overtaken by excitement, and it really doesn’t feel all that different. _Control yourself, Garrett. Get through this conversation first._ Shut up, brain, I’m busy.

 **Me:** _No! I wasn’t sure, but…no._

 **Me:** _I guess um…_

 **Me:** _I figured you could do this with anyone? I don’t see why me_

There’s a relatively long pause. I have no idea what to say, and I’m regretting getting into this conversation more and more. I wonder if I can send him another shot of my dick and pretend none of this happened.

 **Anders:** _I don’t know how to explain it, but you’re different. I mean, you’re fucking gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. But you’re…real. I know what people think of me. That I’m a flirt and I have a different person in my bed every week, but it’s not like that. I haven’t even been in a real relationship for years…and even that wasn’t really public. We sort of had to deny anything was going on._

He’s talking about him and Karl Thekla, I know it. I wonder if it’s okay to ask him about it because I’m _really_ curious. I’m curious about a lot of things, now that I think about it.

 **Me:** _Yeah…I sort of read something about that. Are you talking about Karl Thekla?_

 **Anders:** _You know about Karl?_

 **Me:** _I remember seeing an article about it a long time ago._

A couple months ago counts as a long time, right? He doesn’t need to know that part.

 **Anders** : _I thought people forgot about that…_

 **Anders:** _I’m sort of relieved that you saw it, honestly_

 **Anders:** _but yeah, I’m talking about him_

 **Anders:** _there’ve been others…men and women…in between him and you, but they never developed into anything._

Whoa, _wait_ …wait, wait, wait. “Between him and you”? Is he implying what I think he is?

 **Anders:** _I didn’t take a lot of things seriously and I don’t want to make that mistake again_

This is all very…tense. I wanted a real conversation and now I’m just staring at my screen like it’s in a foreign language. I was supposed to be prepared for this!

 **Me:** _I have no idea what to say…_

 **Me:** _So um…you want to not just have sex?_

I’m hesitating to use the word “relationship” here. I still haven’t moved beyond the “him and you” phrase, so I’m going to let him say it first.

 **Anders:** _yes, Garrett. I want more than just sex._

 **Anders:** _I kept asking if we were moving too fast because I wanted to bring it up, but I wasn’t sure if it was too soon_

 **Me:** _So you figured you’d let your dick do the talking_

 **Me:** _Omg, I didn’t mean that like it sounded_

 **Me:** _I mean…it worked?_

 **Me:** _Now I’m thinking about dicks and mouths, please stop me_

WHAT AM I DOING? He’s so…serious and confident, and I’m talking about his dick in my mouth. Bravo, excellent move, Garrett, top notch conversation.

 **Anders** : _I can think of a couple ways ;)_

 **Me:** _THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!_

 **Me:** _damn you, lol_

 **Me:** _Okay, before I make this worse_

 **Me:** _So we’re both agreed we want this to be…a thing._

 **Me:** _And we can just let it happen?_

 **Anders:** _yeah, I’m happy with that_

I didn’t realize my heart was beating this fast, but I am so relieved right now I almost feel dizzy. Relieved and in shock. This could actually happen? Am I reading this right?

 **Me:** _Yes!!_

Slow it down, Garrett.

 **Me:** _I mean, I like our “talks” from the last couple days, but I’d like to get to know you_

 **Anders:** _can’t we do both? ;)_

Oh God yes we can do both. Both and more. Anything. Everything. But I need to keep it together right now.

 **Me:** _mhmm ;)_

 **Me:** _I like what I’ve seen so far… ;)_

Damn, I’m smooth (I think).

 **Anders** : _good to know_

There’s a picture attached to this one…I WAS NOT READY FOR ANOTHER PICTURE.

 **Anders:** _I got a little…lonely? waiting for you_

I’m…not entirely sure how he took this. He’s lounging in one of the chairs in his hotel room, naked except for his underwear. He has one hand pulling down the waistband so I can just see the start of his shaft and the other hand is um… _hard_ at work. He has his head tilted back, eyes closed and mouth open just a little, and he _really_ looks like he’s enjoying himself. Fuck. Me.

 **Me:** _I would like to volunteer to help you with that_

 **Anders:** _I’ll be home in 6 ½ days_

 **Anders:** _then maybe I’ll take you up on the offer ;)_

FUCK. It’s still almost a week away…that seems like forever right now. The team has a travel day on Thursday, so he should be back in Kirkwall by early afternoon, I think. I don’t know what shift I’m working that day, but I’m sure as hell going to be done by the time he gets there.

 **Me:** _What time will you be back in town?_

 **Anders:** _not sure…probably around 4-ish_

 **Anders:** _maybe we can have dinner?_

I am definitely _not_ grinning so hard my face hurts, and I definitely do _not_ feel like a 5-year-old on Christmas morning. Nope. Not at all.

 **Me:** _I’d love that :)_

 **Me:** _crap, you’re pitching tomorrow…I’m not going to keep you up_

 **Me:** _sorry again for falling asleep like a jackass_

 **Anders** : _you have no reason to apologize_

 **Anders:** _I’m glad we could talk this through_

 **Me:** _yeah, me too_

 **Me:** _good luck tomorrow :) I’ll talk to you after?_

 **Anders:** _of course. Hope you have a…less problematic day at work_

 **Anders:** _:) night Garrett_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dramatic noise* There will probably be one more chapter before the big reunion. There is sex on the horizon! 
> 
> Fun side note: I passed out while I was editing this, a la Garrett. My life is merging with this fic??
> 
> Also, thanks to everyone who commented/messaged me after the last chapter...you guys are super awesome, for real. Hopefully you like this chapter as well, smut or no smut! 
> 
> Come visit me on [tumblr. ](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) I greatly enjoy shouting about things including, but not limited to, Handers.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are entering new territory for Garrett and Anders after their conversation the previous night. Anders pitches for the first time since they started talking, and Garrett makes a promise without thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took longer than I said I would to post this (sorry!) but I got a little sidetracked. 
> 
> On the plus side, there's more smut than I originally planned. This chapter is also just about as long as the last 2 combined, so yay! We also see the introduction of a familiar face :)
> 
> I want to thank all of you again for all of the comments, messages, mails, whatever about this story and these characters. I love talking about it, and I LOVE that it makes so many of you happy. Seriously. I never in a million years thought this thing would be this popular and I grin at every single message. 
> 
> Not beta'd, just edited by my tired eyes a bunch of times, so any mistakes you can blame on me being distracted by thoughts of naked Anders.

I barely sleep for the second night in a row. I’m tempted to text Anders the next morning and inform him that any baking-related disasters are completely his fault. It takes all my effort just to make it into work on time, and I find a very concerned-looking Bodahn waiting for me once I get there.

“I heard you weren’t feeling well yesterday, son,” he says, patting me on the arm. I see Sandal peering at me over his shoulder.

“I’m feeling better now,” I reply, scratching the back of my neck as I avoid looking at him. I feel really guilty all of a sudden.

“Good! Nothing to worry about then,” he exclaims. “Although, I do wonder…” He guides me towards the front of the store, out of earshot – I’m assuming – from Sandal.

“What do you think about hiring some part-time help?” he asks, crossing his arms as he looks up at me. Bodahn is a good foot shorter than I am, at least, and I always feel like a giant standing next to him.

Part of me thinks it’s a great idea, but I’m wondering if he’s asking because of the way I ran off yesterday. Now I’m feeling worried _and_ guilty.

“Well, I mean…we don’t _need_ it, but if you think we do…” Can I just ask him if he’s mad at me?

“It’s a lot of strain on you, my boy. Working the counter along with helping Sandal. I thought it might be nice for you to have some help.” He stops and stares at me like he’s trying to figure me out. I bet Orana said something about overworking me, which totally isn’t true. I work a lot of hours, but I _like_ my job, so I don’t mind. I shove my hands in my pocket and glance around the room, hoping I look relaxed.

“It wouldn’t affect your hours, of course,” he says, finally. “Do you know of anyone that would be suitable for the job?”

“My sister,” I blurt out. _Why_ did I say that? Oh God, I love Beth, but I don’t know if I can handle working with her.

“Excellent!” he cries. “Have her come in to speak to me when she has a chance, we’ll get this sorted out.” He starts to walk back to the kitchen.

“Wait! But…” I start stuttering as I follow him. “I mean, it doesn’t have to be her. We could advertise or –“

“Nonsense,” he waves me off. “I’m sure she’ll be wonderful. You decide what hours you think would work best.” He winks at me as he turns back to the kitchen. “Now get to work, son, we have mouths to feed.”

I sigh as I walk back to the front of the shop. It’s too early and I’m too tired to deal with this right now. 

I start cleaning and prepping for the breakfast crowd - making myself a huge cup of coffee in the process - and start thinking about last night. I know I shouldn’t obsess over it, but I was too exhausted afterward to really comprehend anything that happened. Except for the fact that I saw my brother making out with one of my closest friends on a bench outside a bar. That’s going to be burned into my brain forever.

But then this warm rush of happiness comes spreading through my chest as I think about what Anders said to me. He likes _me_. And he thinks I’m hot (no harm in reminding myself of that little bit as well).

I’m grinning like an idiot right now at absolutely nothing, but I don’t care.

Getting to know Anders. Getting to know how he likes his coffee, what side of the bed he likes to sleep on, what his favorite ice cream flavor is…I want to know everything. I want to know if he kisses hard or soft, if he likes to tease or be teased, what kind of noises he makes when he…

 _Okay, Garrett, we don’t need a repeat of yesterday_ , I remind myself. I just need to keep it together until this evening. I feel another round of butterflies in my stomach when I remember that he’s pitching tonight, on top of it all. This will be the first time he’s pitched since… _this_ started going on. I’m really excited, I can’t lie. More so than usual. We haven’t even _talked_ about baseball these last few nights. Which is actually pretty amazing, since baseball is usually all I talk about.

That might be a good thing, though, because I’ve been so distracted the last few days, I’m not even sure what’s been happening. I think they won. Last night they lost. Anders didn’t pitch, that’s the only thing I know for sure.

But I really need to focus today. Tired and distracted is only going to get me in trouble again. And I really don’t need _that_ kind of trouble. Part of me is secretly (okay, not-so-secretly) hoping Anders will text me, but at the same time I know if he does my attention span will be destroyed.

Still…it can’t hurt to check.

I take my phone out and swallow my disappointment when I see no new messages. I decide to send one to Beth instead while I have it out. It’ll give me an excuse to check it later (…at least that’s what I’m telling myself).

 **Me:** _a) fill me in on what I missed the rest of the night_

 **Me:** _b) remind me to tell you about how Carver scarred me for life_

 **Me:** _c) everything worked out :))_

The clock chimes and I go to unlock the front door as Bodahn wanders back up front. I take another deep breath and finish up the last of my coffee. I have a feeling it’s going to be a _long_ day.

* * *

Beth responds to me a couple hours later – which makes sense, considering she was most likely still asleep when I sent her the first one. We’re busy this morning (of course), so I don’t get a chance to check it until almost lunch.

 **Beth** : _you didn’t miss much, we left right after Carver and Merrill came back_

 **Beth:** _whatever you saw, I don’t want to know_

 **Beth:** _AND YOU BETTER FUCKING CALL ME LATER AND TELL ME EVERYTHING (including about Carver)_

How can I resist such a pleasant request? I roll my eyes as I respond…I don’t care if she can’t see me.

 **Me:** _yeah yeah, I’ll call you later. Remind me to tell you something about work too_

I put my phone away as a customer walks in, and I feel it buzz a couple seconds later. And then again. And then again. She really needs to calm down.

By the time I get to check it, another 20 minutes have gone by.

And the messages aren’t just from her.

I decide to read hers first, though...save the best for last and all that stuff.

 **Beth:** _you better (I’m really happy for you though)_

Sorry, Beth, but that doesn’t need a reply.

 **Anders:** _morning :) hope you got some sleep last night_

 **Anders:** _I couldn’t stop thinking about you_

He fucking texted me just to say good morning. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT? I was too busy imagining naked pictures or coming up with vague baking threats to think of something so simple.

I go rest my head against the wall and mentally kick myself for being so dumb.

 _I can still play it off_ , I think. I _think_. I mean, I _was_ busy. And distracted.

 **Me:** _Morning! I kinda had a lot on my mind ;)_

Alright, not bad. I’m getting the hang of this.

I glance around to make sure no one is coming in – and that Bodahn isn’t hovering nearby somewhere – as I feel my phone buzz again.

 **Anders** : _mmmm, about what, I wonder?_

Shit…I’m going to get sucked into this trap again. Wait, no Garrett, _don’t_ think about sucking…

 **Me:** _A very attractive man who is going to get me in trouble if I screw around at work again today, lol_

 **Anders:** _I did promise not to tease, didn’t I?_

 **Anders:** _for now…_

I glance at the time and realize with a sinking feeling that I still have way too long until it’s time to go home.

 **Me:** _I believe you have your own job to do tonight?? Better not be distracted yourself ;)_

 **Anders:** _no, I’m already pumped up for this game, I’ll be fine :)_

 **Anders:** _it’s going to be a good one_

I was already excited to watch him pitch tonight, but now I’m getting all wound up just thinking about it. Is this all it takes to give me energy?? I’ll probably end up crashing in about half an hour.

 **Me:** _And you know…_

 **Me:** _If you’re too tired once you get back to your room, I understand_

 **Anders:** _oooh, too tired for what? You sound like you have plans ;)_

How do I keep talking myself into these corners? I’m grinning again, but at least this time it’s at my phone.

 **Me:** _Win tonight and maybe you’ll find out…_

One point for Garrett! I’m very proud right now. I managed to be clever without, you know…spelling something wrong or accidentally talking about his dick.

 **Anders:** _wait, really?_

Some customers come in as soon as I see his response, and I have to put my phone away. There’s a steady stream of people for a little while, and I can feel it vibrate in my pocket repeatedly. I’m feeling a little giddy at the idea that I might be making him squirm a little.

Eventually, the coast is clear.

 **Anders:** _GARRETT_

 **Anders:** _are you teasing? :(_

 **Anders:** _tell meee_

I laugh a little under my breath. I’m getting a huge kick out of this. I, Garrett Malcolm Hawke, am causing this reaction. _Me_. To _him_. I’m a little in awe of myself right now.

 **Me:** _Me? Tease??_

 **Me:** _I thought you were the one who liked to do the teasing ;)_

 **Anders:** _I’m more than willing to demonstrate…just say the word_

Alright, I need to pull this back before I get myself into trouble.

 **Me:** _When I’m not at work :(_

 **Anders:** _I get it, I get it_

 **Anders:** _but do I still get something if I win? :)_

 **Me:** _If you’re good ;)_

 **Anders:** _you flirt_

HA. I _am_ feeling naughty today…I blame it on the lack of sleep. Maybe being exhausted all the time is the best way for me to be seductive?

 **Me:** _I have to go, my boss is coming_

 **Me:** _Good luck tonight ;)_

 **Anders:** _I promise I won’t be too tired to talk to you after_

 **Anders:** _and thanks :) I’m excited. Talk to you later_

Bodahn actually _is_ coming so I quickly slide my phone into my pocket and hope he doesn’t notice. There’s no one in here anyway, it’s not like I was ignoring someone.

He lets me know he needs to run some errands so I’m on my own for a while. I do some sort of half nod, half mumble in response and tell myself I just need to get through the next few hours and then I’m free.

* * *

By the time I get home, I’m beyond exhausted. I know I promised to call Bethany, but she’s going to have to wait until after I nap. I _really_ need to be awake and functional tonight.

I feel a little better by the time I wake up, and I decide to walk to the corner deli to grab some dinner. I take Woofy along with me because I still owe him a treat for being the best dog ever.

Luckily once we get back it’s only about half an hour before the game is due to start, so I change into my pajamas and set up camp on the couch with my food. I turn on the pre-game show right as they go to commercial, promising a special interview once they come back.

I’m curious who it’s going to be with, but honestly, I’m much more focused on my sandwich right now. Especially since I just dropped half of it on my lap and I don’t have a napkin. I sigh loudly and don’t even get a sympathetic look from Woofy.

I’m walking back into the room right as the announcers are mid-sentence.

“…the duo is back together again. We spoke to them earlier today about their thoughts on this unexpected reunion.”

What the hell are they talking about? I’m wiping at my shirt when I see Anders come on the screen and…

“Holy _shit_!” I shout, running back to the couch so I can turn the volume up.

Anders is sitting with a huge grin on his face, in complete contrast to the seriousness of the man next to him.

“Kristoff,” the interviewer starts, “how do you feel about being on the same team again?”

“I must admit, I was surprised. But pleased,” he answers. So solemn.

Meanwhile, Anders can barely sit still next to him.

“What Justice _means_ to say is that we’re going to kick even more [beep] now that he’s here!”

I start laughing…his enthusiasm is infectious. I also feel incredibly stupid. How many times today did he mention how excited he was for the game tonight? I had NO idea this was why.

Anders and Justice (as Kristoff is more commonly known) played together for almost all of Anders’ pro career so far. Anders pitching, Justice catching. When I say they are magic together, I’m not exaggerating. They seem to have this psychic bond or something because they just _get_ each other.

Anders had started out his career with the Calenhad Rebels, but it was a well-known fact that he was unhappy there. He tried to get out of his contract more than once, but it was next to impossible. Then, once his contract was finally up last season, he made it clear that the Champions were one of the few teams he would agree to play for. But Justice still had a year left on _his_ contract, so it was a pretty foregone conclusion that they would be split up. Which was REALLY disappointing, because I swear they’re going to go down as one of the most unbelievable duos in baseball history.

I have no idea how in the hell the Champs managed to pull this off, but it’s pretty much the most amazing thing that could have happened to this team. They’re going to be unstoppable now! I’m so excited I can’t even eat my mangled sandwich anymore.

The interviewer is (I think) asking Anders the same question, and he’s nearly bursting with excitement.

“It’s fu…freaking awesome,” he grins as he corrects himself. “This week has been pretty great for me on a personal level too, so I’m just…feeling really good right now.”

Okay, I’m not going to assume anything…but I think he’s talking about me. I’m turning red even though no one is around, and I’m just staring at the TV with a ridiculous grin on my face. My phone buzzes a couple seconds later, and my heart pounds for a minute, thinking it’s Anders. Which, of course, it can’t be.

 **Beth:** _WAS HE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU???_

I guess I know what Beth is watching.

 **Beth:** _JESUS, GARRETT, HE JUST TALKED ABOUT YOU ON TV!!!_

 **Me:** _MAYBE! And did you know about Justice?? Cause I didn’t!_

 **Beth:** _HOW did you not know?! Get with the program Gare, lol_

 **Beth:** _also, you never called me_

Oops.

 **Me:** _I know! Sorry I got busy_

 **Me:** _I promise I’ll tell you everything tomorrow_

Maybe. If I’ve recovered by then.

 **Beth:** _I just sighed really loudly and Carver told me to shut up_

 **Beth:** _then he told me to tell you to shut up because he can imagine your “annoying screeching” right now_

I don’t screech…how dare he. My voice is too deep to screech.

 **Me:** _tell him I thought I heard him screeching on that bench last night_

He’s going to kill me, but I’m in too good a mood right now to care. I wouldn’t care anyway, let’s be honest.

 **Carver:** _WHAT DID YOU SEE_

 **Me:** _too much_

Beth: _What happened?? He’s flipping out_

 **Beth:** _it’s hilarious_

 **Me:** _let’s just say I caught him and Merrill in a compromising situation_

I’m trying to pay attention to the rest of the pre-game show, even though the interview is done. I don’t want that mental image of Carver and Merrill back in my head.

 **Carver:** _WHY DID YOU TELL BETHANY_

I can only imagine the chaos going on over there right now. Carver is probably stomping around the house throwing a temper tantrum worthy of a 5-year-old. Hopefully Mom is home, cause she’s usually the only one who can calm him down.

 **Beth** : _oh GOD_

 **Beth:** _I didn’t think it would actually happen…_

 **Me:** _welllll it happened. I witnessed it._

 **Me:** _good for him though, it’s about time something worked out_

 **Beth:** _that’s true. I’ll go be nice to him for a little while_

 **Beth:** _for a change :D MAKE SURE YOU CALL ME TOMORROW_

 **Me:** _Promise. Go calm him down before he Hulk-smashes through a wall or something_

Now I can turn my full attention back to the game (finally) which is just about to start. Normally the background shots are of the players taking batting practice or something while the commentators announce the lineups, but today the cameras are completely focused on Anders and Justice.

They warm up in the bullpen before the game on the opposite side of the field, and as soon as they exit and start making the long walk together to the dugout, the crowd goes insane (good and bad). I’m on the edge of my seat…I’d seriously give anything to be there right now.

Justice is walking with a straight face in full catching gear, carrying his helmet under his arm. He looks like he’s marching off to war. Anders is grinning next to him, but relatively restrained. I know he’s doing it on purpose because he doesn’t want to show up the home team, but I can feel the energy just radiating off of him.

Have I said how amazing this is?? I feel like I’m watching one of those slow motion shots of the heroes walking away from an explosion in an action movie. They’re just _that cool_.

I know he won’t see it until way later, but I need to text him anyway.

 **Me:** _I CAN’T BELIEVE I didn’t know Justice was on the team now!! I feel really stupid. You guys looked so fucking awesome walking across the field_

Since they’re the away team, Anders won’t pitch until the bottom of the inning, which gives me a few minutes to rearrange my forgotten food and keep eating. Woofy is staring daggers at me from his spot on the couch, so I share the rest with him.

When it’s finally time for Anders to pitch, he’s just as serious as Justice. He rolls his shoulders and takes a deep breath before slicing a fastball right across the middle of the plate. I clap my hands and cheer really loud, enough that Woofy perks back up and starts barking at the door. I’m going to pretend he’s cheering too.

Anders gets through the next two batters easily, and I’m starting to relax a little. They show him once in the dugout during the next inning, sitting next to Justice as the two talk to each other. He’s nodding at whatever advice Justice is giving him, and he just…looks so fucking amazing in that uniform.

It probably sounds ridiculous, but I’m watching him out there, and it’s like watching an entirely different person. I mean, I’ve only actually _been_ with him in person a handful of times, but when I try to put together that this incredible athlete that I’m watching on national TV is the same man that was sending me nude pictures the day before…it boggles my mind.

And I feel special. How many people are watching right now, either wanting to be him or to be _with_ him? And he wants me. ME.

I’m grinning again as I lean forward to watch his next inning. He is on fire tonight! Every time he gets an out he and Justice make it a point to nod at each other in some sort of silent acknowledgment. Like they have their own secret code or something (which they probably do, actually). It’s amazing how they just fell right back into their routine like nothing had changed. It’s such a great feeling to be able to watch them together again - NOT on the opposing team, for once.

The team they’re playing is good, but not very difficult for someone with Anders’ skill. Still, the Champs haven’t scored yet, and we’re getting pretty deep into the game. It’s the 7th inning and the score is still 0-0, and I’m beginning to wonder if they’re going to let Anders stay in the game, or if they don’t want to wear out his arm. He’s taking a little longer before each pitch, but he doesn’t look like he’s tiring out.

He stays in through the 7th, and I really expect he won’t go out for the 8th. The commentators seem to think the same thing, but then the cameras pan over to the dugout and I see Anders shouting. He’s yelling at the manager, who is just standing there with his arms crossed, saying nothing. Anders looks incredibly pissed, and he rips off his hat and throws it to the side as he keeps yelling. Justice finally comes over and grabs his arm, trying to pull him away, but Anders just shakes him off.

The rest of the team is very pointedly not looking at the (what must be) very loud argument going on right in front of them. Aside from Justice, obviously. I see the pitching coach make his way over and pull the manager aside to talk, as Anders wipes his face and starts pacing in front of the bench. He’s still shouting – this time to Justice – as he walks. Justice has a very similar stance the manager just had, watching Anders with his arms crossed and occasionally responding to something he said.

The cameras show a different angle, and now I see that Anders looks more frustrated and upset than angry. I bet they want to take him out of the game and he doesn’t want to. Not that my opinion matters, but I agree with him. He’s pitching fantastic tonight and doesn’t have a high pitch count at all. If he says he’s not tired, then I would believe him.

A few minutes later, both the manager and the pitching coach walk over and say something to Anders and Justice. Whatever they say must be good, because Justice nods and Anders breaks into a relieved grin, patting the manager on the arm. I hope he apologized for shouting, at least.

Sure enough, he goes out in the 8th and has another extremely fast inning. He shoots a smug little smirk at the manager as he walks back into the dugout. I’m laughing to myself because he’s just so damn _arrogant_. He knows how good he is. The attitude is a little off-putting, honestly, but I haven’t seen any of it since we’ve been talking. I’m starting to wonder if it’s something that just hasn’t come out yet, or if it’s part of the show he puts on in public.

The Champs really need to score. We’re going into the 9th inning and the score is still 0-0. Anders is doing a hell of a job keeping the other team at bay, but that’s not going to be worth anything if we don’t score. This inning we have Nate Howe, Blackwall and Justice as the first three batters – right in the heart of the order, so if anyone is going to score a run, it’s most likely one of them.

 _God_ this is nerve-wracking. And look, I’m feeling a little greedy. The longer this game goes on, the longer it will take Anders to get back from the game, which means it will be that much longer until I get to talk to him. Unless he’s too tired to talk at all, which could be possible if he stays in for extra innings. I feel a pang of guilt thinking it, but it’s not like anyone has to know.

Howe manages to get a double, so he’s already in scoring position. Now all we need is one of these guys to get him home. I start bouncing my leg as I scoot to the edge of the couch, hiding half my face in my hands as I watch. Thank God Beth isn’t here, she’d be smacking me every other second. Blackwall is getting ready to come up next.

“Come _on_ , big guy,” I start muttering to myself. Obviously to myself, Woofy doesn’t give a shit. I would absolutely love a home run right now, but I’ll settle for anything that will score.

I need to remember to ask Anders about Blackwall sometime. He has a permanent scowl on his face and he looks fucking terrifying. One of those guys that just has to shoot someone a glare and they’ll run away screaming. I wonder if that’s what he’s really like.

He gets two strikes the first two pitches and I sit back, expecting him to strike out. I’m already moving on to Justice, hoping he can get the ball in play when I hear a loud crack and see Howe shoot off running. I shout as I sit back up, and even though it’s not the home run I wanted, it’s enough for Howe to score easily and we’re finally winning.

They show Howe walking back to the dugout as his teammates wait for him, slapping hands and getting pats on the back. Anders is waiting a little ways behind, a huge grin on his face as he gives Howe a brief hug. I’m grinning too, of course, and I feel like Anders must be really relieved right now. Or this could only fuel his last bit of adrenaline. I’m going to guess he wants to go back out there and pitch the last inning for a complete game, but I have no idea.

My phone starts buzzing like crazy next to me, and I fumble around for it without taking my eyes off the TV. Whoever it is is going to have to wait until the inning is done.

Which it is shortly after, as Justice hits into a double play and the next batter strikes out. It’s okay! One run can be enough. Anders just needs to keep doing what he’s been doing and we’ll be fine.

 **Beth:** _this game is fucking INCREDIBLE_

 **Beth:** _even Carver has been on the edge of his seat_

 **Beth:** _(I made him some brownies and he calmed down btw. He ate the whole pan)_

 **Beth:** _but GARE! Anders is AMAZING tonight!_

 **Beth:** _you better give that man a big kiss the next time you see him =p_

I start laughing; I’m riding so high on this energy I’m nearly delirious.

 **Me:** _I plan on doing that anyway ;D_

 **Beth:** _you are horrible and I am incredibly jealous_

The game comes back and I put the phone down. We’re almost done and Beth can wait until later. Anders _does_ end up coming out to pitch the last inning, and I’m getting nervous all over again. My stomach is clenching just watching him stretch out his arm and get into his stance. All he needs is three outs. They’re putting up his stats for the game, and he did even better than I thought. Over those 8 innings he only threw 97 pitches, gave up 1 hit, no walks, and no runs. That’s actually fucking amazing. Now I really want this to be a 1-2-3 inning so he can be the first pitcher this season to throw a 1-hitter.

I can’t sit still. This is impossible. I get up and start pacing behind the couch as I keep my eyes on the screen. Woofy glances at me once, and I’m pretty sure if he could raise an eyebrow at me, he would. Not _now_ , Woofy! Save your judgment for later.

The first batter strikes out swinging, and Anders visibly lets out a sigh of relief. He must be so tense. It would be so great if this was a home game. He could come home, I could be waiting for him and give him a nice massage after he got there…

 _Okay, wait until AFTER the game to start fantasizing_. Cause now I’m picturing a whole different kind of massage and I’m losing focus. But I wonder if I could get him to wear his uniform home some time…

I hear another loud crack and that draws my attention back to the TV. The ball was hit really hard, but right at the center fielder, who catches it easily. Anders points at him in thanks as he turns back around, getting ready for (hopefully) the last out.

The batter is determined, you can see the look on his face. I’m hoping that works in Anders’ favor, cause the guy could just swing at anything hoping he makes contact. The first pitch is a ball, and I get nervous. I stop pacing so I can lean over the back of the couch, absentmindedly scratching Woofy’s head as I watch. The next two are strikes, though, and Justice calls a timeout so he can run out and talk to Anders before the next pitch.

It’s a quick chat as they both nod and Justice moves back into position. Anders takes a little longer than normal with his wind-up, but the pitch curves at just the last second and the batter strikes out swinging. I start cheering right as the rest of the team runs over to Anders to congratulate him.

He’s shouting and grinning too as everyone starts hugging him. Justice comes running over with the ball and Anders pulls him into a huge hug as they start walking off the field. My phone starts vibrating from where I left it on the couch, and I’m sure it’s Beth, so she can wait until this is done. This is the only 1-hit game in all of baseball this season, and _of course_ it’s from Anders, so he’s got to be feeling especially awesome tonight.

I’m sure they’re going to interview him after the game, so I sit back on the couch and wait. A few seconds later the interviewer is there, Anders standing next to him. He’s sweaty, grinning and still trying to catch his breath as he gets asked about how he feels.

“God, this is just so…” he starts, still breathing heavy. “I feel incredible right now, but obviously I didn’t do it alone so I have to thank all my teammates cause I couldn’t have done it without them. I, uh…” He starts laughing a little, and I find it adorable. “I had a feeling this would be a good game, having Justice here, but I wasn’t expecting this. Now I’m looking forward to relaxing the rest of the night.”

He looks over at the camera really quick as he finishes, flashing a grin before walking into the dugout. I’m really trying not to freak out. I mean, I’m hoping “relaxing” means “texting Garrett,” but part of me feels like I need to prepare myself in case he opts to go out and celebrate with his teammates or something instead of going right back to his room.

Either way, I still have a little while until I should expect him. Woofy needs to go out again, and I can answer Beth and shower afterward. And maybe talk to Fenris about last night. Anything to keep my mind off of waiting.

* * *

I speak to Fenris briefly (“Carver couldn’t have been more obvious”) and Bethany for much longer (lots of texts in all caps) before I hop into the shower. I’m just getting out when I hear my phone vibrate, so I hurry and dry off before I run over to the bed.

 **Anders:** _so how did I do?_

 **Anders:** _was I “good”? ;)_

The relief nearly knocks me over, and I can’t believe I was holding out that much hope he would show up. I sit on my bed, still just in my towel, as I answer him back.

 **Me:** _you were better than good, you were fucking amazing_

 **Me:** _that was one of the best games I’ve ever seen_

 **Anders:** _it was, wasn’t it?_

 **Anders:** _I felt incredible, especially with Justice there_

 **Me:** _I um…saw your before and after game interviews_

 **Anders:** _I was hoping you did :)_

 **Anders:** _I was restraining myself from yelling “hi Garrett!”_

Oh my God, he was totally talking about me, I was right. I’m on the verge of hysterical laughter now out of sheer happiness.

 **Me:** _well, I was grinning like an idiot the entire time, haha_

 **Anders:** _I might have talked a little more than I should have…not that I regret it_

 **Anders:** _but I was feeling really good :)_

 **Anders:** _although_

 **Anders:** _now that I’m back in my room, I’m thinking of a few other ways I’d like to feel good…_

 **Me:** _well I did promise a reward, didn’t I? ;) I think you more than earned it_

 **Me:** _what would you like?_

 **Anders:** _anything I want??_

 **Me:** _…within reason_

Sometimes (a lot of times) I talk before I think…who knows what I just volunteered to do.

 **Anders:** _well if that’s the case, I need to think for a minute_

I look up and make sure Woofy isn’t in the room, and I feel bad, but I close the door so he can’t come bursting in. He’s fine on the couch until I eventually go to sleep myself. Whatever Anders comes up with, I don’t need a captive dog audience.

 **Anders:** _question first_

 **Anders:** _are you hard?_

 **Me:** _no…not yet anyway_

 **Anders:** _good answer ;)_

 **Anders:** _I want to watch_

 **Me:** _watch what?_

 **Anders:** _you get hard_

 **Anders:** _film it for me_

FILM?! He basically wants a video of me jacking off, is that what I’m reading here? Oh man…I don’t know if I can do this. Partially because I have no idea how to even film it and partially because, well…it’s me.

But damn, I’m kind of liking the way he just demands things. This kind of confidence…I’m not used to this. He knows what he wants and he just says it. I’m suddenly picturing him ordering me around in bed and… _focus, brain_.

 **Anders:** _Garrett? Am I asking too much?_

 **Me:** _I don’t think so. I’m trying to figure out the logistics_

 **Anders:** _do you have a webcam or something?_

 **Me:** _yeah, my laptop has one. Let me grab it_

Sorry Woofy, need to barge into the living room for a minute. I didn’t even think of my laptop. I never use it for this kind of stuff. Well, I never use _anything_ for this kind of stuff.

I shut myself back in my room and turn on the computer, checking his texts while I wait.

 **Anders:** _if you don’t want to record, you could just stream it_

 **Anders:** _or obviously you can say no_

 **Anders:** _it’s up to you_

 **Anders:** _you don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with_

 **Me:** _give me a minute_

 **Me:** _go relax :)_

I know if I record something, there’s always a chance of it being seen by someone other than Anders, but I _really_ like the idea of him having something to “remember me” by. On those lonely nights. Those five lonely nights before he’s back in Kirkwall…

I’m still only wearing the towel, so I yank it off and place the laptop on the nightstand. I thought about laying down, but now I’m thinking it will be a better view if I’m standing. I’m already starting to get hard just thinking about it, so I better shut up and start before there’s nothing to actually film. Well, not what he asked to see, anyway. I grab my phone real fast to tell him to wait a couple minutes, and I see he already sent me one.

 **Anders:** _take your time ;)_

How do people do this? I’m standing here staring at the screen, wondering if I should just have my dick in the frame, or step back some so he can see more of my body, or what. I try a couple different ways, and then I get a fantastic idea.

I turn the camera towards the bed a little more so that one of my legs is kneeling on the side and the other is still standing on the floor. He’ll be able to see from my stomach to my thighs, so I think it’s enough. Plus I really like my whole stomachy-hip area, so I think that should be the focus. Okay, besides the _real_ focus.

Am I supposed to be making noise? I hope not, cause I normally don’t right away, and I don’t want to sound…weird. Like I’m faking it. I hit the record button and bend down real quick to smile into the camera before getting back into position.

This video is going to last about 5 seconds, I swear. As soon as I touch my dick I’m already halfway hard.

I start really slow, barely touching myself as I run one hand down my stomach to my thigh and then back up, completely avoiding my dick. If I'm going to do this, I want it to be a show. I reach down again and fondle myself lightly, with just my fingertips, before I grab the head and lift it up a little towards the camera. I start stroking myself slowly, hardly making contact as my other hand comes up to massage my balls.

 _Fuck_ this is actually a huge turn on. I let out a small moan as I stroke a little harder, running my thumb across the tip a few times and smearing the precum across my fingers and further down my shaft. I’m really enjoying this, I can’t lie. I’m completely hard by now, and I’m already starting to breathe a little heavier. I really wish Anders was here with me. I honestly wouldn’t care what he was doing to me right now, as long as it was something.

But since he’s not, I have to use my imagination. I’m picturing him kneeling in front of me, letting my fingers tangle in his hair as I pull his head forward. He wraps his lips around my cock, slowly taking me all the way down his throat. I moan a little again and suddenly don’t care if he hears me or not.

My hips thrust involuntarily when I hit a sensitive spot and…oh _God_ , now I’m picturing myself pushing into his mouth. Holding his head still as I slowly plunge in and out, listening to him whimper and moan around me. I roll my hips once on purpose on the next stroke and _fuck_ , he’s going to like that. I do it a couple more times as I speed up my hand and I can feel myself getting close.

Do I want to go all the way? Technically, all he wanted to see was me get hard. He definitely got more than that already. But I have a feeling that even if I do stop recording right now, I’m going to need to get off anyway. He might as well see it, right? I mean, it _was_ the best game of the season…he deserves it.

I reach down and cup my balls again as I thrust into my hand even faster. I can feel the thin film of sweat across my body as my breath speeds up along with my strokes. I’m still picturing Anders with his mouth wrapped around my cock, looking up at me with that damn smirk on his face, and that’s what pushes me over. A couple more quick jerks and I start coming all over my hand and the floor.

 _Fuck_ that was good.

I slow down my strokes until I’m soft and too sensitive to touch, before turning off the camera and cleaning myself up. Now I need to figure out how to send him the video…

 **Me:** _Umm…how do you want me to send this to you? I don’t think it will go through text_

He tells me how to send it, and as soon as I press the button I start getting really nervous. I hope I didn’t just make an ass out of myself. I put my boxers on and curl up on my bed as I wait for his reaction.

It’s taking a while.

Maybe it didn’t send? I’ll give him another minute or so before I message him. Another minute for me to go through every horrible reaction scenario I can think of.

I’m sprawled across my bed, trying to think of how I can explain that me jerking off scared the man of my dreams away when I finally hear the muffled buzz from my phone.

 **Anders** : _I don’t know what to say_

 **Me:** _…is that bad?_

 **Anders:** _fuck, Garrett, why would you even ask that?_

 **Anders:** _you have no idea the things I want to do to you right now…_

I’m pretty sure I _do_ , considering I just had very similar thoughts myself. I’m still feeling pretty self-conscious, though, and I’m torn between wanting him to tell me – in very specific detail – exactly what it is he’s imagining, or if I should dial it back a little. I’m craving some validation, though, and it’s not like I’m going to start asking him about the weather.

 **Me:** _let me guess…_

 **Me:** _go skydiving? Bake a cake? Marathon Boardwalk Empire?_

 **Anders:** _more like fuck you into the mattress_

Or that.

 **Me:** _okay that does sound a lot more fun_

 **Anders:** _although I could probably just sit back and watch you touch yourself all night_

 **Anders:** _that fucking thing you did with your hips…_

I KNEW he would like that. Another point for me.

 **Me:** _I was hoping you would like it ;)_

 **Me:** _although I think I would prefer you to be more…hands on_

 **Anders:** _that I can definitely do_

 **Anders:** _I bet you would look amazing spread out on my bed_

 **Anders:** _I would spend so much time_

 **Anders:** _kissing every inch of that body_

I start squirming a little, already feeling my cock begin to twitch. _Already?_ What did I really expect was going to happen after I sent that thing?

 **Me:** _I’ll admit, I was um…thinking of you while I made that video_

 **Anders:** _oh? ;) tell me_

Oh God. Specifics. It’s one thing to use pictures…I don’t have to actually _say_ anything. I can just let my dick do the talking (metaphorically speaking).

Okay, okay, I can do this. At least I only have to type and not talk.

 **Me:** _well, in the position I was in_

 **Me:** _I was picturing you on your knees in front of me_

 **Anders:** _sucking you off?_

 **Me:** _yeah_

 **Anders:** _anything else?_

 **Me:** _I was holding your head still and thrusting into your mouth_

 **Anders:** _so THAT’S what the hip roll was_

 **Anders:** _you got off thinking about face-fucking me?_

Shit, when he puts it like that…

 **Anders:** _we can do that_

 **Anders:** _what else do you want to do?_

Anything. Everything. How can I say that without sounding incredibly desperate? I start pawing at my dick through my boxers, but it’s really hard to type with one hand…

 **Me:** _I want to do that to you, too_

 **Me:** _I want you to come home at night to me waiting for you_

 **Me:** _I want to rub and kiss every tired muscle in your body_

 **Me:** _and then I want to wrap my mouth around your cock_

 **Me:** _until I feel you coming down my throat_

 **Anders:** _fuck Garrett please_

 **Anders:** _please let me call you_

 **Anders:** _I’m so fucking hard but I want to hear your voice_

My stomach clenches and I don’t reply. I can’t believe I even typed that, I’m not sure I can _talk_ on top of it. My heart is thudding in my chest and I’m trying to think of an answer, but all I can really concentrate on is how hard I am now, too.

 **Anders:** _you know what_

 **Anders:** _never mind_

 **Anders:** _the first time I hear you come_

 **Anders:** _I want it to be because I’m inside you_

That’s it. I don’t think I can hit the call button fast enough.

He picks up on the second ring. His voice is deep, kind of hoarse, and he _still_ sounds like he’s out of breath.

“Garrett?”

“I’ll moan into a pillow!” I blurt out.

He starts laughing as I let out a loud sigh. _Smooth._

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I answer quickly. Very quickly.

I can hear him fumble with something and by the time he speaks again it sounds like he’s on speakerphone. Hands-free conversation…good idea.

“Are you hard yet?”

“Yeah,” I breathe.

“Are you still naked?”

I pull off my boxers.

“I am now. You?”

“Fuck yes. I’m so fucking hard right now Garrett, I need you here.”

“Tell me what you want.”

I start stroking myself as he talks, but slowly. I don’t want to come too soon.

“I want you to suck my cock, get me nice and wet,” he murmurs. “I’m going to take my time stretching you out. How many fingers do you think you can take before you’re begging for my dick instead?”

“Fuck, I don’t know, but I want you inside me.”

“Yeah?” he says breathlessly. “I’m going to pin you down to the bed, lay on top of you while I slide into your ass. I don’t want you moving until I’m completely inside you, moaning my name and asking for more.”

“Yes, _please_. Fuck, yes.”

“God, you already sound so fucking incredible, Garrett, begging for me,” he gasps. “I can’t wait to hear you in person, I’m going to make you feel so good…”

I can hear the little creaks from his bed in the background, and I can just imagine what he must look like right now.

“I want you to,” I manage to say, somehow. “I want you to do everything.”

“Do you like it rough? I want to fuck you so hard. I want to…” his breath catches as he groans, “I want to dig my hands into your hips and ride you until you scream. _Fuck,_ Garrett…”

All I can hear is him panting, and I take that as my cue.

“Fuck yes, I need you inside me so bad right now,” I growl, hearing him moan slightly in return. “Fuck me as hard as you want, I’ll take it all.” He’s moaning louder now, and it’s just turning me on even more.

 “Come for me,” I manage to grunt out as I stroke myself faster. “I want to hear you scream my name. Fuck, Anders, I bet you feel so good. I want to feel that cock tear me apart.”

He’s getting even louder now, whimpers and moans mingled together, and I think he’s close. I know I am, but I want him there with me.

“Do you think you can make me come without touching my dick?” I pant. “I want you to fuck me so hard I can’t see straight.”

“FUCK, Garrett, yes, I’m…gonna come…”

“Yeah,” I groan. “Does it feel good? Cause I feel really fucking good right now…”

He lets out a strangled cry that sounds like a mixture of “fuck” and my name and that puts me over the edge too. I keep my promise, though and manage to hide any noise I make in my pillow.

Things are quiet for a minute as both of us catch our breath. I’m sweaty and sticky and could probably use another shower after all this. I wipe myself off with my boxers, and that’s going to have to do for right now cause I don’t think I could stand if I wanted to.

“Hey,” I hear Anders whisper through the phone after another moment. I grab it and put it back on normal mode.

“Hey,” I cough. “So, um…”

“That was really hot,” he laughs. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Me either,” I admit. “That was the first time I’ve done that.”

“Seriously? You were amazing.” He actually sounds impressed, and that boosts my ego a bit.

We’re both quiet again for a minute, and I’m trying to think of something to say, but I’m suddenly so exhausted. I’m also really wishing he was lying next to me right now.

“I like hearing your voice, Garrett,” he murmurs, sounding almost as sleepy as I do.

“Same here.” I fight back a yawn…I don’t want to be rude. “I can’t wait to see you next week.”

He laughs a little, and I realize what it sounded like I was implying.

“No, I really mean just…seeing you,” I say sheepishly. “Like dinner or whatever. I don’t care what we do. I can make you dessert?”

 _God_ , I need to shut up. It’s quiet again and I sigh, trying to think how I can maneuver my way out of this without sounding like a jackass.

“You’re fucking adorable, you know that?” he whispers.

“I, um…thanks?”

“Do you work tomorrow?” he yawns, and I feel a little better about my tiredness.

“Yeah, but second shift, so I can sleep in a little.”

“Good,” he chuckles, “I think you’re going to need it.”

“Your fault,” I tease, lightly. I really don’t want to hang up.

“I take full responsibility,” he laughs. “But I think we might both pass out on each other if we don’t sleep soon. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.”

“Night, Garrett. I…had fun.”

“Yeah, me too. Night.”

I hear the line go silent and end the call, tossing my phone next to me on the bed. I need to get up. I need to check on Woofy, and I _really_ need to shower before I fall asleep.

But instead, I just stay here, lying on my back, grinning at the ceiling and feeling more happy and content than I have in a long time. It can wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrett will probably spend the entire next day in shock that _those things_ came out of his mouth. Hopefully the phone sex worked? I didn't want to break it up too much with Garrett's comments/thoughts so that it flowed right. 
> 
> Also, if anyone is interested, I have a bunch of prompts I'm going to be working on during this week (7/25) for Handers romance week on tumblr, including a couple based on this universe. I'll probably be posting them on here eventually, but they'll be [on my page](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) until then.
> 
> Comments, kudos, criticism, screaming...all are welcome. I love talking to all of you :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders comes back to Kirkwall, and he and Garrett have their much-awaited reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY TIME FOR SEXY TIME.
> 
> Sorry for the slight delay...this chapter originally finished at 5.5k words and then I just kept adding for some reason and it kinda exploded. No pun intended. I hope it was worth the little extra wait :)

Work is definitely…different with Beth around.

I mean, I can’t really complain. Bodahn was ready to adopt her after the first day, and Sandal looks at her with big puppy dog eyes whenever she walks into the kitchen. It’s nice, though, because we (me, Orana and Beth) have been able to rearrange our schedules so there’s always two of us working now. I don’t have to be out front as much – Beth is a natural with people – and Bodahn seems really happy with our new productivity.

It’s only been a few days, so I can’t say I’ve exactly fallen into a routine or anything, but the days feel like they’re all melding into one long, continual daydream. There’s Thursday, and then there’s pre-Thursday - nothing else. I only have two more days to suffer through, and the closer we get, the slower time seems to crawl. I wish I could just take off the next few days and sleep until Thursday afternoon.

Anders and I have been dancing around the topic of his return to Kirkwall, mentioning it in passing, but neither one of us just _talking_ about the details. I think we’re still going to dinner? I don’t know if he’s coming to my place or I’m (oh God) going to his, or if we’re just meeting somewhere in between. Is it a _date_ date, or just a casual slice of pizza? I have NO IDEA. I’m not sure how I can be so willing to show my dick to someone, but so nervous to ask him about dinner.

I can’t help but obsess over it, and for what it’s worth, he’s acting just as coy about the whole thing – although he’s probably doing it on purpose. He likes to start lots of conversations with “when I see you” or “the next time I see you, remind me to tell you…” or things like that, and I just want to scream _WHEN_?? When will I see you?!

I’m having one of these conversations with him at work, staring at my phone trying to work up the nerve to say something, when I feel Beth lurking near me.

“Need something?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” she smirks. “You look really intense and confused at the same time.”

I sigh, not really wanting to ask for advice, but also really _needing_ advice.

“How do I ask Anders if we’re still having dinner on Thursday?”

She gives me a baffled look, and I immediately feel ridiculous for saying anything at all.

“Gare…” she says slowly. “You just say, ‘Hey, what time do you want to meet for dinner Thursday?’ and then see what he says. It’s not that hard.”

“But what if he doesn’t _want_ to meet?” I whine. He’s given me no indication that he doesn’t want to see me, but he hasn’t made any concrete plans either so _what am I supposed to think?_ “What if this is just his polite way of breaking the date and not having to say anything?”

Beth rolls her eyes. “Do you _really_ think that’s what’s going on?”

“No…”

“How about this?” she leans against the wall, tapping a finger on her chin as she thinks. “Tell him that I asked to switch shifts with you on Thursday, and you just want to double check what time he’s getting in so you can give me an answer.” She grins, clearly pleased with her plan. I have to admit, it’s not bad.

I think about it for a minute anyway, before I finally start typing.

 **Me:** _btw, Beth wanted to know if I could cover part of her shift Thursday_

 **Me:** _are we still on for that evening?_

He answers me almost immediately.

 **Anders:** _I can think of a lot of things I want you on that evening…_

 **Anders:** _but yes, I was thinking dinner around 7 if that works for you_

I grin, which causes Beth to grin, and I wrap her in a hug.

“You’re the smartest little sister ever.”

She shoves me away, laughing.

“I’m the smartest _sister_ ever, little or no. But you’re welcome.”

“Hey,” I shrug. “I could have said smartest sibling ever, but I’m afraid Carver’s Spidey-senses would pick it up and I don’t feel like listening to him cry to mom about favorites again.”

“Nah, he’s chilled out a lot lately,” Beth replies, picking up a rag to start wiping down one of the counters. “Mostly walks around with a dumb smile on his face.”

“You don’t think he and Merrill are…?”

“Oh _GOD_ , Garrett!” she screeches, throwing the rag at my face. “I don’t want to think about that!”

I start cracking up as she shudders and picks up the rag, shooting me a glare.

“Besides, he hasn’t seen her in a few days. I think he’s just love-struck.”

“Do you think there’s a still a chance we can warn her?”

“Don’t be mean,” Beth laughs. “She’ll be good for him. Besides…it’s not like she doesn’t know what to expect. She’s been around him enough.”

I just snort in reply as I walk back to the stockroom. I think there’s stuff in there I can rearrange for the 30th time as I text Anders back. I feel so much better now that I know. Better, but still anxious.

 **Me:** _7 is fine! I can meet you wherever, just let me know!!_

 **Anders:** _don’t be nervous :)_

Oops. How has he picked up on this already??

 **Me:** _lol sorry…I may be a -little- anxious_

 **Anders:** _why? we’ve eaten together before_

Yes, and all I could think of were the sex noises he made as he ate that brownie _._ He doesn’t need to know that, though. What is the unsexiest food possible? I should suggest that for dinner.

 **Me:** _I know, but this is…different_

 **Anders:** _would you rather wait? I don’t want to rush you_

 **Me:** _ohg d no_

I can’t even fucking type.

 **Me:** _no, it’s not rushing. I’m just looking forward to it? ;)_

 **Anders:** _well that I can understand :)_

 **Anders:** _I’m really excited to see you Garrett_

I’m doing that thing where I grin at my phone again, but at least now there’s no one around to catch me.

Just two more days. I can do this.

* * *

I don’t think I can do this.

It’s Thursday morning, I didn’t sleep more than five minutes the night before, and I’m a nervous wreck. I was originally supposed to have the day off, but Orana and Beth took pity on me and let me take Friday off instead.

Not that I’m presuming anything. But, you know…just in case.

It’s probably a good thing, though because I really need distractions right now. Distractions and coffee. Anders said he was going to pick me up at my place ( _it’s cool, Garrett, don’t freak out about him meeting Woofy_ ) and we would go to dinner from there.

I must have asked Bethany a hundred times whether or not I should get a haircut (no) or shave (no). He likes me the way I am, right? Why mess with a good thing. I did give Woofy a bath, though.

I think everyone can sense how on edge I am because they keep giving me little odd jobs to do to keep me occupied. There’s absolutely no reason why we needed to move all the sugar from the second shelf to the third, but I did it anyway.

It’s getting close to lunch time when I feel my phone vibrate. I just finished sweeping for the fourth time today, so I figure I can take a short break. In the stockroom. Away from prying eyes.

 **Anders** : _getting ready to board, I’ll text you once I’m home_

 **Anders:** _see you in a few hours :)_

“Garrett?”

I look up to see Beth in the doorway, a concerned look on her face.

“Are you okay, Gare?” she asks gently, stepping into the room. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“What?” I ask, confused. I turn my phone around so she can see the last couple messages Anders sent, and I see a look of relief wash over her face as she grins.

“Never mind, I understand completely,” she giggles. “You’ll be _fine_ , Gare. You should be less nervous than before…he’s already seen you naked.”

“That doesn’t help!” I groan. “I have nothing interesting to say!” I start pacing the stockroom.

“What am I supposed to talk about? Woofy? How I reorganized the shelves today? What I thought about the game last night? ‘Oh, hey Anders, so how about that video I sent you?’ That isn’t proper dinner conversation!” I’m ranting, but I can’t help it.

I turn back to Beth and see her eyes have grown wide as she stares at me.

“What video?”

Oh _shit_.

“Nothing! I…sent him a video. Of Woofy. Being cute.”

“ _Jesus_ , Garrett!”

“Come on! It wasn’t that bad. I was just…standing there.” I’m lying. Please don’t let her see that I’m lying.

“You’re such a fucking liar, Garrett Hawke.”

“Well, he liked it! …A lot,” I mumble, trying not to laugh as her face turns red.

“Okay, I don’t want to know any more!” she yells, throwing her hands in the air. “Just…good luck. With all that. Call me tomorrow.” She dashes back out of the room and slams the door behind her. Poor Bethy. I didn’t mean to traumatize her.

Hopefully I still have enough time to text Anders before his plane takes off.

 **Me:** _have a safe flight! See you soon :)_

See you soon. Me. _I’m_ going to see him soon. In person.

I’m definitely not prepared for this.

I leave the stockroom in hopes of finding something else to distract me, glancing at the time as I walk. I only have a couple more hours until I can head home and start preparing. I wonder if I should have offered to pick him up from the airport. Is that a thing? Would that have been some kind of grand romantic gesture, waiting for him at the gate?

Probably not. But I _don’t know_. I turn to ask Beth and see she’s pointedly ignoring me, going so far as to walk in the other direction when I come near. Come on! It’s not like she actually saw it…

Alright, next best choice.

 **Me:** _Would it be weird for me to go wait for Anders at the airport?_

 **Fenris:** _what? why would you do that?_

 _Fine._ So much for Romantic Garrett. I don’t even know his flight or what time he’s landing or anything anyway. This should have been planned much earlier if I actually wanted to go through with it.

 **Me:** _Ugh, nvm. I was trying to be romantic_

**Fenris:** _flowers are romantic, not creeping around the airport_

God damn it, Fenris, you’re supposed to be on my side. Now I feel like a stalker. And guess what? I’m _not_ getting him flowers.

* * *

The next few hours thankfully go by in a blur, and before I know it, I’m home.

This is it. I’m ready (kind of). Anders is going to be here any minute.

I showered, trimmed my beard, brushed my teeth, made sure I put on my nicest cologne and I’m wearing a new shirt. What am I forgetting? I _know_ I’m forgetting something. Woofy’s staring at me from his bed as I pace around the apartment. Keys, wallet, phone…I should be good.

We’re going to a small Italian restaurant that Anders loves. He says the owner is cool because he saves a private booth in the back for when Anders eats there so he isn’t bothered. Plus it apparently has amazing food.

I can’t believe I’m going to be out somewhere with him. On a _date_. I mean, no one will _know_ it’s a date, but I will and that’s what matters. My last real date was over a year ago, and I wasn’t too enthused about it to begin with. This is pretty much the exact opposite.

I don’t have a chance to think much more as I hear the doorbell ring. Woofy starts barking and wagging his tail but stays on the bed, watching me to make sure everything is okay.

I straighten my shirt and run my fingers through my hair, taking a deep breath as I walk over to the door. It’s going to be fine… _fine._ I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Anders is standing in the doorway, hands shoved in his pockets as he surveys my front door. His shirt is clinging just a little too snugly to his body, and he’s teasingly left the top couple buttons undone so I can just see a hint of his chest. The pants he’s wearing are also…very flattering, especially considering I know exactly what’s hidden inside them. His hair is pulled back, and I notice the little gold hoop is back in his ear. God, please let me look even half as good as he does right now.

“Um, hey,” I greet, a little breathlessly. My heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest.

_The night’s just starting, pull yourself together, Garrett._

“Hey, long time no see,” he grins, eyes quickly moving to linger on my crotch. “Most of you, anyway.”

He steps forward, close enough that he can reach out and run a hand down my chest while he looks me over.

“You look fucking amazing,” he whispers. We gaze at each other a moment, his eyebrows raising slightly as I smile.

The next thing I know he’s clutching the front of my shirt and pulling me into a heated, mind-blowing kiss.  

It’s unbelievable.

It’s perfect. It’s everything I had imagined and didn’t dare hope it would be…and I can’t believe my legs are still holding me up because he is _devouring_ me.

He backs me into the doorframe, his hand moving down to grab my hip while the other tangles in my hair, pulling me tighter against him.

And I’m already hard as fuck. He opens his mouth and his tongue gently presses against my lips, and I eagerly let him in. I let out an embarrassingly loud moan at the contact, which only spurs him on as he presses his hips against mine and I can feel that he’s just as turned on as I am.

He finally pulls back a little, catching his breath as he rests his forehead against mine.  

“Sorry. I uh…told myself I wouldn’t get carried away,” he laughs, shifting back a little as he fixes his pants. Thank _God_ it’s not just me.

“I’m not complaining,” I smile shyly as I scratch the back of my neck. I glance back through the door, hearing a whine come from the living room.

“Do you want to meet Woofy before we go?” I ask, feeling silly as soon as the words are out of my mouth. But Anders’ face brightens.

“I would! Is he in there?” He’s looking around my side to try and catch a glance.

“Woofy, come here, boy!” I call out, watching as he comes trotting over, tongue out and tail wagging. He loves making new friends.

Anders kneels down on the step to pet him while Woofy tries to smother him with kisses.

“Hey there, big guy,” he laughs, trying to duck away. I tug at Woofy’s collar and he gets the hint, sitting back to let Anders pet him properly.

“Wow, he’s a lot bigger than I expected,” Anders grins, standing up and trying to wipe some of the slobber from his face. “Can I use your washroom real fast?”

I nod and show him where it is. Anders is in my house. _Anders is in my house_. Mere feet away from my bedroom. I need to breathe.

I wipe my sweaty hands off on a kitchen towel as I head back towards the front door to wait. I’m afraid if I don’t psych myself up to leave I’ll end up caving and calling the whole dinner off.

I’m only waiting a minute before Anders reappears, smiling.

“Ready?” he asks, glancing around. “I’ll ask for the grand tour later, I don’t want to be late.”

 _Grand tour? Later?_ Does that mean he plans on…?

“Yup! I’m starving,” I reply quickly, shoving those thoughts out of my mind as I race out the door. He’s giving me a confused little smile, and I know I probably look absolutely terrified right now.

I have literally no idea what to say. I’m sitting in his very nice (and very expensive-looking) car completely frozen, staring out the window. The more time goes by, the more anxious I’m getting. _Why can’t I make basic conversation??_ We have no problem on the phone, but now it’s like I forgot words exist.

After a couple minutes of silence, I feel a hand on my leg, squeezing gently. I look over and Anders glances at me, a kind smile on his face. Okay, he doesn’t seem ready to dump me on the side of the road somewhere, this is going to be fine.

“So how was work today?” he asks nonchalantly. _How_ is he so calm?

“Um, it was…good.”

 _Smooth._ Honestly, I can’t remember what happened this morning at all, but I’m trying to come up with something.

“Sandal – the other baker – decided to make a bunch of cookies shaped like dogs for some reason. He loves dogs about as much as I do. They were really cute and I…may have eaten more than I was supposed to.”

Anders chuckles softly, and I’m starting to relax a little. I just need to un-focus. Think about anything except this exact moment.

“How was your flight?”

“Uneventful. I tried to sleep, but I ended up just sitting there with my eyes closed, listening to music. Too excited, I guess.” He grins at me and I can’t help the butterflies I feel in my stomach. _Me_. He was that excited to see _me_.

His hand is still resting on my leg and I’m suddenly feeling...fine. Out of nowhere, I just feel calm. I put my hand on top of his and he turns it, entwining his fingers through mine and rubbing his thumb soothingly along my own.

The jolt of delight that rips through me at this one tiny gesture is mind-blowing. I want to laugh. There’s so much happiness inside me, I’m afraid it’s going to burst out of my mouth and I’m not going to have any way to explain it. Anders is smiling as well and I just feel so…content.

We lapse back into semi-silence, making small talk here and there, but I’m already so overwhelmed by this experience I’m not sure what I’m actually contributing to the conversation. Luckily we get to the restaurant a few minutes later and I follow him into this very old-world, picturesque little building that smells incredible. The booth is in a corner in the back, with a half-wall blocking the view of most of the other patrons. I can see why he loves it here.

It’s one of those U-shaped booths, too, so we can actually sit next to each other. I’m thinking this is a good thing until we’re settled, and Anders puts his hand back on my leg…significantly higher this time. I shoot him while I look over my menu, but his face is the picture of innocence.

We order a few minutes later (based on his recommendations) and I shift to the side a little so I can see him better. I don’t want it to seem like I’m pulling away from his touch, but I usually like to look at whoever I’m talking to.

“So…” he purrs, turning towards me as well. I don’t know what to do with my hands, so I start playing with the napkin ring and smile.

“I don’t remember you being this quiet,” he teases, raising an eyebrow as he searches my face. “Is something wrong?”

“Just nerves,” I chuckle uneasily. This is exactly what I told Beth would happen. The waiter reappears at that moment with our bread and drinks, and Anders stays silent until he leaves.

“Wellll,” he drawls seconds later, sliding closer. “What can I do to calm your nerves?” he whispers, leaning over and placing a kiss on my neck.

 _Not get me hard in public_ is what I want to say, but all I do is tilt my head to give him better access and try not to moan.

He starts pressing kisses along my neck, nipping at my ears, and it can’t be a comfortable position for him, leaning the way he is. I rest my arm on the back of the seat, giving him more room to slide closer until he’s in the crook of my arm. He’s kissing his way up and down my neck, and I suddenly feel his hand back on my leg...right below my once-again hard dick.

“What have we here?” he murmurs, running his fingertips over the cloth and along the length. I bite down on my lip, but a small groan escapes anyway. He starts kissing my neck again as he rubs his palm against me lightly, and I’m doing everything possible to not start thrusting into his hand.

“Your beard tickles,” he murmurs, tugging at my earlobe with his teeth. “Should I stop?”

“Fuck, don’t stop,” I groan, putting my hand over the one still rubbing me. He inhales sharply as he glances down, before looking back up at my face. His eyes are already blown wide with desire, and he looks like he’s searching for a hint of something in my expression.

I don’t know what comes over me, but I surge forward, clutching the back of his head and pulling him into another kiss. He’s eager to return it, a small whine coming from the back of his throat. We sit tangled together for who knows how long, completely oblivious to the rest of the world until he abruptly stops.

“Give me a second,” he pants, reaching for the glass of water in front of him. I rest my head against the back of the seat and close my eyes, willing my breathing and my dick to go back to normal. Anders seems to be doing the same…until he slides out of the booth.

“I’ll be right back,” he says as he quickly walks away.

My immediate thought is that he’s going to the bathroom, and I’m a little offended he didn’t ask me to join him. But I give him a minute, drinking most of my own glass of water while I wait for him to return. I’m starting to get hungry again now that my mind is clearing, but luckily I don’t have to linger around much longer because Anders reappears, holding a large brown bag.

“Let’s go,” he says abruptly, reaching for his keys as he nods his head towards the door.

“Wait, where are we going?” I ask, sliding out of the booth. “Did you pay? Should I leave a tip?”

“It’s taken care of Garrett, let’s go. Your place or mine?”

Wait, what?

“Um, I don’t really…” I start, trying to keep up with him.

“We’ll go back to yours,” he finishes for me, unlocking the car and handing me the bag. I’m not even buckled before the car is pulling out of the parking lot.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, putting the bag on the floor. I mean…I think I know, but I want to make sure.

He looks at me like I’m nuts before turning his attention back to the road.

“What’s _wrong_ is that I didn’t want to end up fucking you on the table,” he says hoarsely.

 _Oh, God_. I close my eyes again, trying to push the image out of my head.

“As hot as that would be, I thought we would both prefer a bed. Or at least a couch. Or carpeted floor. Whatever works…” he trails off, focused on his driving.

I murmur in agreement, not trusting myself to speak. We’re going back to my apartment. To fuck. What dream world am I living in right now? I’m suddenly very grateful that I have the day off tomorrow. Which reminds me…

“What time do you have to be at the park? Do you want to stop—“

“Don’t worry about me,” he cuts me off. “Everything I need for the game is in my locker.”

I lapse back into silence. Okay then, this is definitely happening.

* * *

I barely unlock the door before I’m being bombarded by both sides. Woofy is thrilled that I brought his new friend back home, and Anders is already tugging at my shirt before I can step inside.

I manage to free myself long enough to put down the bag and throw a dog treat across the room, distracting Woofy long enough that I can grab Anders and pull him towards my room, slamming the door behind us.

A second later and he’s pinning me against the wall, lips back on mine as he starts clawing at my shirt, yanking it over my head.

“Fuck, Garrett, I’ve been waiting to do this for weeks,” he pants, scraping his nails down my sides. I let out an absurdly loud moan at the touch, causing Anders to dig his fingers into my hips. He’s like a man possessed, desperately kissing me like it’s the last time we’ll ever see each other. It’s incredibly hot, but if he keeps going at this pace, I’m going to last about 10 seconds.

“Anders,” I try and say, but my voice is muffled against his mouth. I snake my arms up his body, pushing him back a little and taking his shirt off the rest of the way. He immediately puts his hands back on my waist, leaning forward to resume kissing before I stop him.

“What’s wrong?” he breathes. His hair is messy, lips swollen and red, and his face is flushed. He looks absolutely amazing.

“Nothing, I just thought maybe you wanted to…” I point towards the bed.

“Nope,” he says, and in one swift movement he’s unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down as he falls to his knees. He manages to get them off, along with my socks and shoes, and then his head is level with my hips.

He wraps his fingers around the waistband of my boxers and looks up at me for a moment, and I swear, it’s the hottest sight I’ve ever seen in my life. Anders kneeling, looking up at me with those bright eyes and that smirk, pleading silently to free my dick from its confines. No picture he sent me could ever compare to this.

“Anders…,” I whisper, and it’s all the encouragement he needs to pull the rest of my clothes off, watching with heavy-lidded eyes as my cock springs free.

“Fuck, Garrett,” he breathes, taking me in his hand and pumping once, experimentally. I groan and thrust forward, my head hitting the wall with a loud thump as my back arches. When I look back down, I see him watching me, want written all over his face as he slowly strokes. Everything I had imagined when I made that video…it’s all right here before me, in the flesh. I’m going to wake up any minute, I know it.

He leans forward again, and this time I feel his tongue on the tip of my cock, swirling around the head as I let out another shout. He doesn’t waste any time, taking more of me into his mouth as his hand continues to pump wherever his lips don’t reach. I’m trying to focus on something, anything, to keep me from coming right now, but all I really want to think about it how perfect this feels.

“I’m not…going to…” I try to say, but words aren’t exactly on the forefront of my mind right now. Anders pulls back just enough to free his mouth, lips wet with spit and cheeks flushed even deeper.

“Do it, Garrett,” he says. “I want you to.”

I have no idea what he’s talking about, but then he takes one of my hands and places it on the back of his head as he takes my cock back into his mouth. _Oh_.

I give him a minute to work up a rhythm, trying to keep myself still and enjoy the sensations, but then he takes his free hand and grips my ass, pulling me closer with each bob of his head. I get the hint, groaning as I entwine my fingers through his hair and start thrusting.

He moans deeply around my cock and I start moving faster, my other hand joining the first as I begin to plunge more feverishly into his mouth, small gasps and moans escaping with every push. Anders is bracing himself with one hand and I see the other snake down and start undoing his own pants. The sight is incredible, and I don’t think I’m going to last much longer.

I have both hands completely tangled in his hair now, driving into his mouth as hard as I dare without hurting him. He lets out little whimpers on any particularly deep thrust, his mouth and chin a dripping mess, but he doesn’t seem to care. His hand is jerking his own cock furiously, trying to keep pace with my hips.

“Anders—,” I grunt, frantically pumping in and out as I near my release. He lets go of his cock and reaches up, cupping my balls and massaging them as I make the last few, erratic pushes before I erupt into his mouth with a roar. I hold him still, waiting until my dick stops pulsing before I let him go.

He’s grinning at me, using his discarded shirt to wipe off the trails of spit and cum from his face and chest as I try and catch my breath.

“That was incredible,” I pant, laughing as my knees threaten to give out.

“And we’ve only just started,” Anders smirks, rising to his feet and taking me into his arms for another long, slow kiss. I taste myself on his lips, and he moans as I slip my tongue past to explore further. He reaches down to grip my ass, pulling me towards him sharply and I can feel how hard he still is. Hard and half-clothed. I need to fix that.

I break apart, pushing him towards the bed to sit on the edge before I kneel to take the rest of his partially-removed clothes off. He’s achingly hard, the head purple and swollen and I can see his fingers itching to touch himself again.

“What do you want?” I ask softly, resting my chin on his leg. He runs his fingers through my hair a few times, just looking at me, and I’m waiting for him to pull my mouth over to his cock. I start to move that way anyway, assuming it’s coming, when he stops me.

“I want to fuck you.”

I feel a shiver run through me at the words. I reach over to the nightstand drawer and take out the bottle of lube and condoms, putting them on top as I make my way onto the bed.

“On your back.”

His voice is deeper, huskier than usual – like the first time we spoke on the phone. I know this voice now…the voice that says he’s so far gone he can barely think of anything except getting off. Just the sound of it is enough to make my dick twitch in anticipation.

I arrange the pillows and lie down as he spreads my legs, kneeling in between them as he reaches for the bottle of lube. I’m watching, barely breathing as he looks me over. I’m suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

“Will you do it?” he murmurs, handing the bottle over. “I want to watch.”

He doesn’t really give me a chance to answer, pulling my knees up at a better angle and placing a pillow under my hips as he positions himself in front of me, far enough away that he can see every movement.

“Okay…but, uh, are you sure?” I mean, I’ve done this before, but not for the express purpose of someone watching me. Is there a certain way this is supposed to be done?

“I’m sure,” he smirks, taking himself in hand and stroking slowly as I coat a finger.

I start massaging around my entrance first before gently pressing the tip of my finger inside. Anders is leisurely touching himself, eyes half-closed and mouth slightly open as his full attention is trained on my movements.

I manage to get my finger in up to my knuckle before pulling out and pressing back roughly, all the way inside. I let out a small groan, already feeling stretched, but knowing it’s not enough. I push in and out a few times, noticing Anders has sped up his movements as well. I take my time, debating whether I want to keep teasing him, but I really, _really_ would rather have him inside me.

He doesn’t look like he’s going to last very long either, so I coat a second finger to add to the first. My hips drive upward involuntarily as I insert them both, grimacing as I concentrate.

“Fuck yes, Garrett,” Anders moans. His other hand moves to massage his balls as his strokes speed up, watching as I begin to plunge both fingers in and out of my ass.

“You look so fucking beautiful like this,” he murmurs, barely loud enough for me to hear. “You don’t know how many nights I imagined you doing this for me. I wanted to bury my cock so deep inside you, listen to you scream my name as you came.”

I groan louder as I increase my pace, spreading my fingers to open myself up more.

“Anders…need you…” I pant, looking at him desperately.

“Need what?” he breathes, jerking himself rapidly. “What do you want, Garrett? Do you want me to fuck you?”

I’m completely hard now, and the hand that isn’t buried two fingers deep starts stroking my still sensitive dick.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he groans, “Touch yourself for me, that’s right. You’re so…fucking hot.” He panting, barely getting the words out and I can sense that he’s close. I’m confused…this can’t be all he wanted.

“Just a little more…fuck, Garrett, _please_.”

I roll my hips on the next few thrusts, moaning loudly as I lift my head up to watch him. It has the desired effect.

“Oh, God… _Garrett_ …”

My name trails off into a low groan as he comes over his hand and onto the bed. I slow down my own motions, taking my hand off my cock but leaving my fingers inside, still stretching myself gently. Anders is slumped forward, breathing heavily and I remain silent, waiting for his next move.

He finally looks up at me, pushing his hair off his face as he grins.

“Now we’re even,” he chuckles, wiping himself off before removing my fingers and cleaning them as well. I still don’t say anything, watching as he crawls forward so his body is now covering mine.

“You okay?” he asks warmly, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to my lips.

“Mmhmm,” I murmur, reaching up to wrap my arms around his waist and pull him closer. He squirms a bit against me playfully, but I hold him tight.

“You hair is softer than I expected,” he laughs, running a hand up my chest.

“I conditioned it just for you,” I tease, which only makes him laugh harder. It’s infectious and I can’t help but join him.

“I’m kind of offended you find my body hair so hilarious,” I huff, rubbing my beard onto his shoulder. He tries pushing me away, but he’s still laughing too hard and I gain the upper hand, rolling him over so I’m on top.

He stops laughing as he looks up at me, amused smile remaining on his face. I gaze at him for a few moments, pushing the hair out of his face again as I try to take in all of his features. I’m still not convinced this isn’t a dream…I want to remember it for as long as I can.

“Garrett?” Anders asks, uncertainly.

I don’t say anything, just lean down for another kiss. It’s gentle at first, tender. But soon enough, Anders has his hand on my head, pulling me in harder as it grows in intensity.

I can’t get enough of him, moving from his mouth to his jaw, his neck, his ears…nipping at his shoulders and back up to his mouth again. I have him writhing underneath me, small gasps escaping his throat as he clutches my back. I grind my hips down into his, once, and he cries out, gripping my ass and driving his hips up to meet mine in return. I’m still so hard, and it takes all my strength not to keep going.

We’re both panting and covered in a thin sheen of sweat as I snake my hand between us. He’s already half-hard again and I look at him in surprise. It hasn’t even been ten minutes! He grins sheepishly and shrugs.

“It doesn’t take me long.”

That’s…incredibly hot, and I surge back down to capture his mouth in another kiss. This time I don’t stop my hips from rocking against his, and he only clutches my ass tighter, encouraging me more.

But then suddenly, I’m on my back with Anders straddling my hips, grinning at me. He’s _strong_. I didn’t even know that was coming. I pout, reaching to pull him back down when he slides out of reach.

“Are you still ready for me?” he purrs, stroking himself. I nod, reaching for the lube, preparing to coat my fingers again just to make sure. He grabs it from me, though, before I can do anything.

“On your hands and knees,” he directs, voice low and rough. I feel a shiver run through me at his tone, eagerly doing what he asks.

He’s behind me almost immediately, adjusting my body how he wants before parting my ass. I look over my shoulder and see him coat two fingers before pressing one inside. It slides in easily and I let out a small whine, ready for more. He adds a second finger, slowly, and I can hear his breath catch when I push back onto them, rocking my hips.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he mutters, twisting his fingers inside me as I let out another little cry. I just want him _inside me_ already. He’s enjoying teasing me, though, I can tell.

He finally pulls them out and reaches over to the table for a condom, and I feel the nudge from his cock moments later.

“Ready?” he whispers, leaning forward to press a kiss to my back.

I nod my head and he starts gradually pushing inside, much slower than I expected – or want.

“Anders,” I pant. “Just…fuck me.”

I can feel him still, hands gripping my hips tightly. He’s probably about halfway in at this point.

“You’re sure?” he asks.

I push back against him, forcing him in a little deeper and he moans, head dropping. He tightens his grip again and thrusts forward, hard, until he’s fully sheathed inside me. We let out simultaneous gasps and he pauses, letting me adjust myself to his length.

“You are so fucking tight, Garrett,” he grits out, fighting the urge to start moving again. I rock my hips again when I’m ready and he lets out another low groan, needing no more encouragement.

He starts pounding into me deeply, thrusts long and hard. He pulls out almost completely before plunging back in to the hilt, driving my entire body forward with each push.

“Harder,” I moan, looking back at him as he increases his pace, slapping me once on the ass for good measure. “Fucking, _yes_ ,” I shout, head dropping down as I brace myself for this new onslaught.

“Is this what you want?” he grunts, hips snapping forward rapidly. I moan something in response and push back into him, trying to meet his thrusts. “You feel so fucking good, Garrett, I could do this all night,” he pants. We’re both breathing heavily at this point and my bed is creaking loud enough that I’m sure half of my neighbors can hear it.

“I’m…going to make you come so hard,” he groans. “So fucking hard…”

My dick is aching, dying to be touched as it bobs in time with his movements. I’m not sure how much longer he’s going to last, but I’m pretty sure all I need is a few strokes.  

I reach back and grab it, only managing to pump it once before Anders stops and grabs my arm.

“Not yet,” he instructs.

“I need to,” I protest, trying to catch my breath but not wanting him to stop.

“You will,” he says, resuming his pace. “Just not yet.”

I groan and drop my head down into a pillow, clutching it to prevent myself from trying again. He’s barely pulling out now, his thrusts short, hard and faster than before. Incoherent moans of praise and my name are mingling together into one continuous sound as my cries and groans get louder.

My face is still planted in the pillow when I feel his body envelop mine, trailing kisses across my shoulders as he slows down. One hand reaches around and grabs my cock, pumping it leisurely. I cry out again, rocking my body against the dual assault, but he’s holding me still. I’m reduced to moaning and whimpering as he sets his own pace.

“I love the noises you make,” he murmurs into my ear, still pressing kisses wherever he can reach. “I wanted to hear you so bad that night on the phone,” he nips at my shoulder and I let out another groan. “But this was worth the wait. You’re so fucking incredible, Garrett.”

He quickens his strokes on my cock as he starts to move his hips faster. I’m panting, I need to come, and he’s drawing this out because he _knows_ that’s what I want. I don’t know how he has this kind of self-control.

“I want you to come with me inside you,” he moans into my ear. “I want to feel you around my cock when you scream my name.”

“ _Fuck_ , Anders, please…”

I’m not above begging in times like these. I think he gets off on it anyway, cause he starts moving faster.

“Please, I need to come…fuck, you feel so good,” I gasp, and I’m rewarded with a groan and harder thrusts. “ _Fuck_ , yes, fuck me harder…” I fall silent as my brain begins to short-circuit. I’m so close…

Anders is panting quietly as he quickens his strokes on my cock and I’m nearing the edge.

“Right like that,” I encourage him, “fuck, right there…Anders. God, I’ve never felt anything this good…please…I’m gonna… _Anders, FUCK…_ ”

I shout his name and I can faintly hear him moan before the blood rushes to my ears, muffling any noise for the next few moments. He waits for me to finish before he removes his hand, placing it back on my other hip as he starts driving into me with new intensity. It doesn’t take much longer before he comes, shouting my name as he pulses inside me.

We’re both panting, completely drenched in sweat as he pulls out. I let out a small hiss at the loss of his cock before I collapse onto my stomach, clutching my pillow as I watch him clean up.

I hadn’t had a chance to admire him without…you know, a sex haze clouding my mind. But I’m watching him now, moving around my room so casually, completely naked, and I can’t help but let out a small chuckle.  

“Something funny?” he smirks, looking at me.

“I’m going to wake up soon, right?”

“You should at least try the food first.”

My stomach rumbles at the mention of food. That’s right…we never did quite make it to the whole “eating” part of dinner. I sigh, really not wanting to move, but I’m starving.

“Plus, I think you’re going to need to change your sheets,” he points, grinning.

“Oh, _fuck!_ ” I shout, rolling over. Of course. I _would_ be the one to just lie here, oblivious to my own mess. I sigh, getting up off the bed as Anders hands me some tissues to wipe my stomach. I toss them in the trash and feel warm arms encircle me from behind a second later.

“Why don’t we take a quick shower?” he murmurs, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Then I’ll heat up the food while you change the sheets.”

“Are you going to stay?” I ask, turning to face him and hoping the eagerness in my voice isn’t too obvious.

“Are you going to kick me out?” he smirks, raising an eyebrow.

I grin, pulling him into another long kiss.

“Absolutely not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like the much-anticipated reunion, lol. I know there was a lot of build up towards it, so hopefully it didn't disappoint. If you follow me you know how I tend to post stuff and then freak out that it was awful.
> 
> I loved the car scenes the most in this chapter, and I really fought from posting those snippets on tumblr. Idk why, I just love how Anders _gets_ Garrett already and knows how to calm him down. 
> 
> Also, apparently 40k+ words = a novel? I CAN SAY I WROTE A NOVEL. Kinda. 
> 
> Thank you guys again SO much for all your love and screaming and flailing over this fic...it seriously makes my life. As always, you can come find me on [tumblr ](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/)if you want to chat more or listen to me freak out about these nerds.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett and Anders spend an... _interesting_ first night together. The next morning brings some uncertainty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY it took so long to update this! I had a lot of real life stuff that got in the way, and I was dying not writing these two. 
> 
> I also want to say there is some absolutely AMAZING art that has been done for this fic, and I've neglected to post the links! I have a subpage on my tumblr now just for [Caught Looking](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/CL) and all related things (art, asks, inspiration, etc.) if anyone is interested. I highly recommend checking out these awesome people...I'm completely blown away by them all!

We kiss for what seems like forever, and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.

Eventually, I feel myself being pulled towards the bathroom and we finally break apart so I can turn on the water.

“Maybe…” I gasp, trying to get a word in around Anders’ mouth, “maybe it’s not a good idea to do this together.”

“I think it’s a perfect idea,” he grins, pulling me into the cramped space. I barely fit in here comfortably alone…with the two of us we can’t help but be on top of each other.

The hot water _does_ feel fantastic, though. Almost as good the hands that are grabbing my ass and pulling us together. There is no way I’m going to be able to do this a third time so soon, and honestly, I’m starving. I have the object of my affection pressed against me, naked and perfect in the shower, and I’m thinking of the pasta sitting in my kitchen. Nice, Garrett.

“Don’t worry,” Anders murmurs, apparently reading my mind. “I just want to kiss you. I promise.”

“So you say,” I smirk, reaching for the soap behind him.

“Garrett Hawke, you wound me,” he grins, pressing me against the wall. He takes the soap from my palm and lathers it in his hands, slowly running them up and down my arms and chest.

“Do you remember the last time we talked about showers?” he hums. “About all of the things you wanted to do to me in here?”

 _God_ , do I remember. How could I forget?

“Of course,” I breathe. “I also imagined a much larger shower to do those things in.”

Anders grins, pinching my side just hard enough to make me yelp before planting a quick kiss on my lips. I lean my head back against the wall, closing my eyes against the spray as his hands keep exploring my body.

“Turn around,” he murmurs, stepping back so I can move.

His body is pressing against me a moment later, but like he promises, he doesn’t do anything except nuzzle his head into my neck before kissing my shoulder.

I want to actually kiss him – properly – so I start craning my head back towards his. He must have the same idea because he starts leaning forward at the same moment…cracking our heads together.

“Well, this is incredibly sexy.”

“I am known to be a mood-killer,” I reply, grimacing while I try to rub the water out of my eyes.

Anders just lets out a quiet laugh. “I forgive you. Maybe we should just finish up and go eat?”

I squint at him – this water is _really_ annoying – and nod okay. Anders starts soaping up his own torso, although his eyes never leave mine. It’s very distracting. I can hear him mumbling something in front of me, but I have absolutely no clue what he said.

“Aren’t you going to finish, Garrett?” he teases, very slowly running his hand down his stomach to wash around his cock.

“Um…” I swallow hard, watching as he takes his time thoroughly soaping the area.

“I could always finish for you?” he offers, grinning.

 _Say something!_ My mind has completely blanked. I push my hair back, finally tearing my eyes away from his dick and back to his smug face.

“No! I mean, yes, I’ll finish.” I flash him what I hope looks like a mischievous smile, trying to reach around him to grab the soap. But he moves in the same direction at the same time, blocking me. I frown at him, confused, but he just smiles wider.

“I have plenty of soap,” he says, stepping closer until I’m flat against the wall again.

He leans forward, pressing both hands against the wall on either side of my shoulders, pinning me in place. His lips are hovering right in front of mine, our foreheads just about touching, but he doesn’t move to make contact. Is he waiting for me to do it first? Should I be Bold Garrett, and live up to all my big talk?

As I’m trapped in this mental dilemma, one of his hands slides down and brushes against my cock. I inhale sharply, and I can sense his lips curling more than I can actually see it. He closes the little amount of space left between us until our bodies are flush together, sliding his hand over to rest on my hip.

He gently grinds against me once, and I can’t help the little shudder that goes through my body. He’s definitely grinning now as he does it again, digging his fingers into my side a little harder. I drop my head forward until it’s resting on his shoulder as his hand snakes between us a second time.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything else?” he murmurs right into my ear. His hand is now gripping both of our semi-hard cocks, stroking slowly in whatever this version of “cleaning” is.

 _Yes_ , I want to do something else, but it’s…oh, fuck it.

I turn my head and nip him on the shoulder, making him jump. His hand is off our cocks and immediately tangled in my hair, finally kissing me the way I know we both want. He digs the fingers of his other hand into the side of my ass, holding me in place as he pulls my head back, baring my throat.

“Fuck, Garrett,” he whispers, kissing and biting his way down my neck as he grinds our hips together.

“And – _AH!_ ”

I scream as icy water hits me in the face.

“What the fuck!” Anders yelps, darting back.

I throw open the shower door and leap out, Anders close on my heels.

“Sorry, I should have warned you about my water…” I start to explain before bursting into laughter.

“I’m glad you find this so hilarious,” he scowls, looking for a towel.

“Sorry,” I gasp, doubling over as my whole body shakes. The more I laugh, the more pissed off he looks, which makes it even funnier. Should I be laughing at him like this on our first date? Probably not, but once I get going, I can’t stop.

“You have fun, I’m going to eat all your food,” he says, throwing the towel over my head.

“No, wait!” I shout, still half laughing while I hurry to turn off the water and dry myself off. Anders is already back in the bedroom, rooting through his clothes.

“Um, do you want something of mine?” I ask, rubbing the towel across my head before hastily wrapping it around my waist. Why am I suddenly self-conscious?

Anders glances over at me and smiles.

“I like your hair, all wet like that.”

“Thanks.” I can feel my face getting hot, so I spin around to my dresser and start rummaging through the drawers. What is wrong with me all of a sudden??

“Do you want…pants? I have pajama pants.”

“That’s fine,” he replies, walking over to me. _He_ isn’t embarrassed at least, walking around my room naked like he owns the place.

I hand them over without looking at him and quickly pull on my own.

“So…I’ll go heat up the food?” he asks.

My pants are just a little too big and droop down slightly on his hips, even with them tied tight. He’s still a little damp from the shower and I can see the light trail of hair disappearing down under the waistband. How does he manage to look so incredible without even trying? I want to see him like this all the time.

“Um, yeah. I’ll change the sheets real fast.”

He nods and heads towards the kitchen. I should probably show him where the dishes are, now that I think about it. I’m getting ready to toss the new pile of sheets on the bed and head in there when a loud yell comes echoing down the hall.

I go running in and see Woofy standing on his hind legs, front paws in Anders’ hands. Woofy’s tongue is hanging out, head slightly cocked to the side as they stare at each other.

“Am I interrupting something?” I ask, choking back a laugh. They both turn to look at me at the same time. Woofy jumps down and comes trotting over to me, wagging his tail happily.

“I think he likes you,” I grin, reaching down to pet him.

“I was lucky I stopped him or those paws would have been on my shoulders,” Anders chuckles nervously. Right…his _unclothed_ shoulders. I cringe a little. Sometimes I forgot how excited Woofy can be.

I bring him out back so he doesn’t attack Anders again while we eat. I feel bad. First the water and then my dog…he’s probably regretting his choice to stay. I wander back into the kitchen before I finish making the bed.

“Hey,” I say softly, leaning against the counter. Anders is piling food onto two plates, and he glances over at me with a small smile.

“Hey, yourself.”

“Are…you okay?”

“I’m fine,” his brow furrows slightly. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I just feel bad about that,” I wave vaguely towards the bathroom, “and that,” as I gesture in Woofy’s general direction.

He chuckles, shaking his head.

“Don’t worry about it, Garrett, it didn’t bother me,” he replies. “Go finish the bed, we’ll eat in a few minutes.”

I don’t say anything, I just turn and make my way back to the bedroom. I still feel guilty, and I have this growing sense of dread in my chest. I’m screwing everything up, aren’t I? I’m immediately distracted by the dozens of horrible ways this night could play out, so lost in thought I don’t even realize Anders is standing in the doorway, waiting for me.

“Food’s ready,” he grins, casually resting against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Coming!”

“Not yet you aren’t.”

I look up to see him slowly walking away, arms stretched high over his head. It takes all my self-control to follow casually behind. I’m not in a rush. Nope. Relaxed, laid-back Garrett, that’s me. Never mind the way my stomach is clenching every time he looks in my direction.

We eat and make small talk. The food really is fantastic, and I tell him I’d love to go back there sometime and actually, you know, _eat._

“I promise, I’ll take you there again,” he laughs.

_A second date!_

I didn’t even realize how tense I was until he said that. I’m not one for constant reassurance, but tonight? He can tell me a hundred times how much he likes me and I still might not believe him. Either way, my mood lightens a lot and I feel myself relax.

Once we finish eating, I let Woofy back inside, getting him settled before I make my way back to Anders, who’s already waiting in the bedroom. He’s standing next to the bed, looking at his phone when I walk in. I’m suddenly really nervous and I don’t know why.

“Do you, uh…need anything?” I ask, running my hand through my hair.

“You?” he smirks, putting down his phone. “In bed, preferably.”

I smile shyly as I walk over, lingering uncertainly next to my side of the bed. When I glance over he’s untying his – _my_ – pants.

“I don’t usually sleep in anything,” he says, pausing. “Is that okay?”

_Does he really think I’m going to say no?_

“No!”

_Wrong answer, Garrett._

“I meant no, it’s fine. I do too, sometimes.”

_No, I don’t._

“Okay,” he grins, letting the pants fall from his hips. I swear I’m going to stop staring at him at some point tonight. Really. He slips under the covers and looks at me expectantly.

 _Shit_. I sort of trapped myself with that comment. What if I get cold without my pants? I guess having someone next to me will help. It’s the middle of summer, anyway. _Why am I even debating this?_

I pull them off and quickly hop into bed, turning off the light. Anders shifts closer to me, but I’m lying on my back, stiff as a board.

“Garrett?” he says softly, laying a hand on my chest. I jump a little and he pulls back, propping himself up on his elbow.

“I don’t have to stay if you don’t want.”

“No, I do!” That finally knocks me back to reality, and I roll over to face him.

“Sorry, I don’t…know why I’m acting like this,” I admit.

He leans over and presses a soft kiss to my lips, laughing quietly.

“Because you’re adorable,” he responds. “Now roll over, I’m the big spoon.”

That sends me into a fit of laughter until Anders starts nudging me to actually roll over like he asked. He’s pressed up against me almost immediately, adjusting the covers so they’re over us both before snaking his arm around me.

“Night,” he murmurs, kissing my shoulder.

“Night.” I pull his arm around me a little tighter, but he doesn’t seem to mind. I’m exhausted, with a full stomach and a gorgeous man, and I start falling asleep almost immediately.

Except…

Right when I’m about to doze off, I feel Anders stir behind me.

“Garrett?” he whispers. “Are you still awake?”

“Hmm?” I mumble, trying to burrow deeper under the covers.

“Are you still awake?” he repeats.

“Now I am,” I yawn. “What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t respond, just tightens his grip around my waist, pressing himself closer and… _oh_.

I don’t say anything, even though I try and look at him over my shoulder. The hand that was on my stomach slides down, fingers lightly skimming around my cock.

“Do you want to?” he hums, pressing kisses onto my shoulder as his touches become firmer. He doesn’t wait for an answer, pushing forward again and pulling a low groan from my throat.

“Do I want to have to change the sheets again?” I choke out. I can feel his body shake with laughter before he rolls me over, straddling my legs.

“Or we could just make sure nothing spills?” he purrs, gripping me lightly.

I only moan in reply, writhing as he increases his pace. He watches me intently, experimenting with his strokes to see what will pull the greatest reaction. He finally leans forward, pressing kisses to my chest.

“I don’t know the next time I’m going to have you like this,” he murmurs, gently taking a nipple in his mouth. I arch my back, gasping as I clutch the sheets.

“You can…whenever…” I manage to get out as he sucks harder.

“Not like this,” he whispers, moving to the other. I want to ask him what he means, but my mind isn’t exactly focused on conversation right now.

He’s taking his time, alternating between nips and sucks, scraping his nails down my sides and chest. I lift my hips, trying to reach his own for some kind, _any_ kind of contact. Luckily he doesn’t tease, lowering himself so our cocks are pressed in between our bodies while we undulate together.

“Let’s finish what we started earlier, hmm?” he grins, sliding up to meet my lips. I tangle my fingers in his hair while my other hand makes its way to his ass, massaging one side as we continue this lazy grinding.

“What do you want?” he whispers, finally pulling his head back.

The fuck if I know. I’d be happy just kissing him for another hour.

His hips never stop moving as he stares at me, biting his lip while he waits for my answer. Which I’m supposed to be thinking of. _Not_ staring at his lips.

“You…decide? I don’t know, I’m good with anything,” I finally respond.

“ _Anything?_ ” he grins.

“Um…” I'm blushing again. _Again_. I try to look away, but he cups my chin, turning me back to face him.

“Hey,” he breathes. “Or we can just sleep.”

I grab his ass with both hands, pulling him down as I thrust up. His eyes flit shut and he groans before capturing my lips with his own once more. We stay like that for another minute or two, all messy kisses and roaming hands as our bodies writhe together. He the one to pull away first, sliding back down my body.

“I want to taste you again,” he murmurs, mouth hovering right above my now completely hard cock. I nod my head and make some sort of half whimper/half groan as he takes one long, slow lick right up my shaft.

I prop a couple pillows under me so I can watch what he's doing, and as soon as he realizes it he really starts putting on a show. Every movement is done slowly and deliberately, with him only taking his eyes away from my face when his head dips out of view. My breathing is becoming more ragged, and I’m resisting the urge to start thrusting up into his mouth…even though I know he would probably only encourage it.

But right as I’m getting close to the edge, he stops. I groan in frustration and let my head slump off the pillows, squeezing my eyes shut. What is he _doing_ to me? I hear light laughter and feel him move, and by the time I get curious enough to look he has one finger gently pressing against my entrance.

“Relax,” he smiles, slowly pushing his finger all the way in to the knuckle. I reposition myself so I can give him better access (and see what he’s doing), trying to take mental notes for when it’s my turn. I can’t even remember my name right now, I don’t know why I bother.

He still doesn’t take his eyes off of my face as he begins to pump his finger in and out, before eventually adding a second.

“Does that feel good?” he asks, going so painstakingly slow I can barely stand it.

“Fuck yes,” I pant, meeting his eyes, hoping he’ll get the hint to speed up.

“Good,” he grins, twisting his fingers up until they brush my prostate.

“ _FUCK_ ,” I shout, my hips driving forward on their own. It’s followed by another unintelligible noise as his mouth returns to my cock a second later. I’m arching back against the pillows, trying to crane my neck to watch him at the same time. One hand is pumping my shaft, reaching wherever his lips can’t, while the other is repeatedly hitting the sweet spot inside me.

“Anders, fuck, _please_.” My teeth are clenching with the sheer effort to control myself. He smiles around my cock but makes no indication that he’s going to speed up.

He starts moaning and humming around me instead, each noise sending shockwaves right up my spine. I’m clutching the sheets, panting heavily and rapidly losing control. I can’t keep my eyes off of his mouth. He stares back before he gives me a quick wink, humming loudly and taking as much of me into his mouth as he can. Another couple firm presses inside and I’m screaming as I empty into his mouth for the second time tonight.

I don’t even realize I’ve grabbed his head until he pushes himself up and out of my grip. He doesn’t say a word – doesn’t even smile - his eyes dark and completely blown wide with desire. He slides forward until he’s straddling my chest, cock hovering right above my lips.

He’s breathing heavily as he takes himself in hand, gently tapping the head of his cock against my lips.

“Yes or no?” he gasps, shaking with the effort to hold back.

I slide under him without warning, gripping his ass with both hands and forcing him forward into my mouth.

He lets out a loud cry, slumping forward over me. I’m doing the best I can at the angle I’m in, but it’s not exactly comfortable for either of us.

“Wait,” he pants, pulling out. He rearranges the pillows behind my head, propping me up a little higher. He’s back inside my mouth before I even get a chance to reach for him again, and I let out a little noise of surprise. He falters for a minute, making sure I’m okay.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he grunts out, starting to rock his hips faster. He has one hand pressed against the wall behind the bed, the other gripping my hair as his thrusts become sharper and more erratic. I’m clutching the back of his knees for support, but I’m honestly not doing much except holding myself still and making the hungriest noises I can.

I glance up to see him looking down, watching every single push inside me. I want to touch him again, drag this out until I have him screaming like he does to me….but I can tell that’s not what he needs right now.

He’s breathing even harder than I am, which is saying something. He finally realizes I’m watching him and he slumps forward again with a hard jerk, groaning louder while he tightens his grip on my hair.

“Garrett…fuck, this is…”

He doesn’t finish his thought, one more deep thrust into my mouth before he cries out in surprise, his orgasm overwhelming him. I can feel his cock pulsing in my mouth and I’m returning the favor he just gave me, humming steadily as I swallow, holding him in place.

He’s letting out quiet whimpers and gasps, body still convulsing slightly as I suck him clean before letting it slip out. He’s still leaning over me, though, trying to catch his breath and not moving even though he let go of my hair. Which is good, because I slide down a little more, taking his now almost completely soft cock back into my mouth.

I’m sucking gently, massaging his balls at the same time. That brings out another cry and spasm, and I almost expect him to let me keep going…since apparently he has no difficulty getting hard again. But he doesn’t.

“Okay, enough,” he chuckles, running a hand down my cheek. I let him go with a small whine of displeasure. He leans down, kissing me deeply before rolling back over to his side of the bed. Both of us are still breathing somewhat heavily and we’re completely drenched in sweat.

“Well…I guess we didn’t make _too_ much of a mess,” I observe, which causes him to burst into laughter.

“Yeah, although I definitely think that would have been worth it. Holy fuck, Garrett.”

I hum in agreement, now absolutely ready to pass out for…oh, the next twelve hours or so. Anders grabs the blankets, pulling them back over us after I roll over so he can embrace me like before.

“Night for real this time?” I tease, which earns me a small nip on my shoulder.

“Yes, for real, smartass,” he laughs, kissing the spot he just bit. We settle down, and this time I _finally_ fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up the next morning feeling more well-rested than I have in a long time, although slightly chilly from the lack of blankets I must have kicked off during the night. I feel warmth behind me, and although I’ve told Woofy I don’t know how many times to stay off the bed, I’m thankful for it today and scoot closer while I drag the blankets back.

It’s not until I’m already drifting back to sleep that I feel a hand rub my hip…and all the memories of the night before come back. _Fuck_ , how did I forget?

Anders nuzzles into my neck, hand still resting casually on my side while I silently freak out next to him.

Did all of those things _really_ happen? It couldn’t have been a dream, right? Now that I’m awake I’m much more aware of how sore my body is – some places definitely more than others. Not that it’s a _bad_ sore.

But…this is it, right? People feel different the morning after. Anders is going to wake up and say, “Hey, thanks for the fun night but I have a game to get to and maybe I’ll text you sometime”? My chest clenches at the thought, even though my mind is trying to rationally tell me that isn’t the case. He wouldn’t still be here if he was planning on doing that…I don’t think.

I try to pull away a little, just to give myself some space to think, but Anders grunts and wraps his arm more firmly around my waist, holding me close. He still seems asleep, but he murmurs something and plants a small kiss on my back as he burrows against me. So much for moving.

He must realize that his former snuggly, squishy pillow has suddenly turned awkward and stiff because he starts stirring a moment later.

“Mmph…morning,” he yawns, stretching as he rolls over.

“Hey,” I respond quietly, turning onto my back.

He glances at me, hair a mess and eyes still sleepy while I try my hardest to sink into my pillow and out of sight.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, grinning. “I didn’t shove you off the bed or something, did I?”

His smile fades when I don’t answer. I feel ridiculous, and I want to tell him _why_ I feel ridiculous but…

“Garrett?”

I look away, debating if I should say anything at all. Why couldn’t I just accept this? He _told_ me he wants to see me again, WHY are these thoughts taking over my brain?

He must take my silence as my answer, because he sighs and runs a hand through his hair, closing his eyes.

“Look…I’m sorry if you regret this. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have stayed the night, it was too soon.” He doesn’t look at me as he gets out of bed, and the hurt in his voice is more than I can take.

“It’s not that!” I shout, sitting up. He glances over his shoulder at me as he pulls on his clothes, but doesn’t answer. _Shit_ , I need to fix this.

“Really, it’s not,” I repeat, tugging my own pants on as I slide out of bed and walk over to him. I run my fingers down his back and he finally turns and looks at me, but his face is blank.

“Then what is it?”

“I thought…” _Here goes nothing_. “I thought maybe this was…it? That you were going to smile and say thanks and I’d never talk to you again.”

It sounds just as asinine coming out of my mouth as it did in my head, and the expression on his face only confirms it. I look down at the floor awkwardly as he stares in disbelief.

“Is that really what you think of me?” he asks softly.

“No!” My heart is beating so loud and it’s just so _hard_ to form a coherent thought with him looking at me like that.

“It’s me…I’m just…” Why can’t I fucking _think?_

I rub my face, trying desperately to clear my head and form words that actually make sense.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Last night was possibly the best night of my life and I’m fucking it all up.”

I sit down on the bed, resting my head in my hands while I try to calm myself down. I feel the bed dip a minute later and a hand brushing through my hair. He doesn’t say anything, though. I don’t know what I could possibly say that wouldn’t make things worse, so I just shut up.

“Last night was incredible,” he finally says, voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I did something wrong or came on too strong…”

“No,” I shake my head, finally turning to look at him. “You did everything _right_.” I laugh a little. “More than right, I never thought…”

I trail off, still thinking. At this point I’m in so deep, I don’t think there’s even any point in lying.

“I guess I’m still just wondering…why me? You’re _you_ and I’m just…” I shrug my shoulders.

“Caring? Funny? Sexy as hell?” he nudges me and I can’t help but smile. “I mean, I might not be willing to take another shower here for a while, but I won’t hold that against you.”

He smiles weakly at me and I laugh a little in return, some of the pressure easing from my chest.

“But Garrett,” he says cautiously, “you need to get over this.” He cringes at his own words. “Shit, that sounded bad.”

He gets up and starts pacing in front of me.

“I mean, you need to get used to the idea of, well, _me_. I need you to not see me as…famous. I don’t _want_ to be famous with you, I’m just a regular person.”

He looks at me, pleading with his eyes, and I feel so guilty for saying anything in the first place.

I nod my head, but I still can’t think of anything to say. He walks back over, kneeling down in front of me so that we’re eye to eye.

“If that’s not something you think you can do, I need you to tell me now before this goes any further,” he says softly.

I look at him silently for a moment before reaching out and fixing a stray piece of hair arching over the top of his head.

“I can. I just…needed to know you still wanted me,” I admit, feeling my face get hot. I’m just going to go crawl under my bed and hide out there until the embarrassment goes away.

He breaks out into a grin, though, his entire face lighting up as he moves in between my knees and grabs my face.

“If I didn’t have to leave, I would show you _exactly_ how much I still want you,” he murmurs, planting small kisses on my mouth.

“Are you still coming to the game Sunday?” he asks, abruptly.

God, how did I forget about that? That’s _this_ Sunday? In all my excitement over Anders coming home, I completely forgot about the tickets. Shit…I hope everyone else remembered.

“Yeah! Of course I’ll be there!” Okay, I said that a little too loudly. _He’s right in front of you, Garrett._

“You forgot, didn’t you?”

“Noooo…” I respond, scratching my beard and looking away.

Anders sighs but he’s smiling, and he hoists himself back to his feet so he can finish dressing.

“Well, I don’t think I’ll be able to see you before Sunday,” he continues, buttoning his shirt. “But since it’s a day game I’ll have the evening free, if you want to get together?”

I have a feeling I’m going to need something to distract me, and looking forward to this will definitely help. A day game with my friends and then an evening with my bo…with Anders.

_He’s not your boyfriend, Garrett. Don’t jump ahead of yourself._

Hopefully one day. It’s probably too soon to even bring something like that up, right? I think I already made a mess of things this morning, despite what Anders said. I don’t need to bombard him with relationship talk on top of it all.

“Earth to Garrett,” Anders is calling, waving a hand in front of my face. Oops.

“Sorry,” I grin. “Lost in thought.”

“So I could tell,” he smirks. He’s dressed, sliding his phone into his pocket from the bedside table.

“Oh…I guess you need to leave, huh?” I try to hide my disappointment, but it’s pretty next to impossible.

He smiles again, softer, as I stand, wrapping his arms around my waist. We just stand like that for a minute, holding each other.

“Text me later, okay?” he murmurs, planting a gentle kiss on my lips.

“Absolutely.”

I think he’s trying to disentangle himself from my arms, but I don’t want to let him go. I pull him closer instead, resting my forehead on his shoulder.

“Sorry for being an ass,” I mutter into his shirt.

“Can you _not_ talk about your ass right before I have to leave?” he groans. I roll my eyes, grinning, and let him go.

“Alright, let me walk you to the door so Woofy the Attack Dog doesn’t try to sneak into your car,” I sigh.

Sure enough, Woofy is _extremely_ excited to see his new best friend again. We manage to slip out the front door without him escaping with us, and I walk Anders to his car – lack of shirt and shoes be damned. I’m pretty sure any of my neighbors that might see me have a pretty good idea of what I was up to last night, anyway.

We walk the short distance quietly. I’m ready to just sort of wave bye as he leaves, but he stops me, resting his hands on my hips.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he smiles, giving me another quick kiss before he lets go, sliding into the car. I’m standing there awkwardly, shirtless, and probably turning a nice shade of pink as he pulls away. I wave at the retreating car before trudging back inside to a disappointed dog.

“I’m sad too, buddy,” I sigh, scratching his head. I might as well let him out before I collapse back into bed for another couple hours.

I check the time, realizing Bethany should already be at work, so I decide to text her while I wait.

 **Me:** _Want to come over after work?_

She answers me right away, so I’m guessing it’s either slow this morning, or she’s been clutching her phone waiting for a text. Probably the latter.

 **Beth** : _YES. Please tell me it was incredible?_

 **Me:** _It was more than incredible_

 **Me:** _He even stayed the night…_

 **Me:** _I’ll give you the PG version when you come over_

 **Beth** : _I’ll bring food_

 **Beth:** _Gotta go, see you then_

I let Woofy back in before crawling back into bed. Everything seems silent and empty without Anders here. One night. He was here maybe 12 hours, and my apartment feels like it’s missing something.

I sigh again, rolling into the middle of the bed and wrapping the blankets around me. Woofy plops down on the floor with a loud huff, happy he’s allowed back in _his_ room now.

My phone buzzes from somewhere near me, but I’m too sleepy to grab it. I have no plans for today, other than a few more hours sleep and a hot shower before Beth gets here. I’m sore, tired, and lonely.

If it’s her texting me, though, she’s not going to stop until I respond, so I fumble around for my phone and get this over with.

There're two new texts…one from her, and one from Anders. I open hers first, nervous that Anders texted me already.

 **Beth:** _btw I’m so happy for you Gare :) don’t screw this up! You know what I mean…_

Did she sense my panic this morning? Sometimes it’s disturbing how well she knows me.

 **Me:** _I’ll try my best. Going back to sleep for a while_

I hesitate a minute before opening Anders’ text. The nerves are back, and I take a deep breath before I look.

 **Anders** : _you know you’re amazing, right? I miss you already_

 _Oh._ That’s…not at all what I was expecting. There’s so much I want to say to him, and I know there’s no way I’m going to be able to get it all across in a sentence or two. Just this little bit he sent me was everything I needed to hear.

 **Me:** _you could come back? My bed is cold without you_

 **Anders:** _you don’t know how badly I want to_

I sigh, draping an arm over my eyes. As much as I want to sleep, part of me wishes I had to work today, if only to give me something to occupy my mind other than this aching in my chest. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this way - if I’ve _ever_ felt this way. I’m a grown man, this is ridiculous.

 **Me:** _I’ll talk to you after the game tonight?_

 **Me:** _I’m going to try and make up for all the energy I spent last night ;)_

 **Anders:** _I’d like to apologize, but I’m not sorry for any of it ;)_

 **Anders:** _I hope you aren’t too sore?_

That’s an understatement.

 **Me:** _I’m sore everywhere, but it’s a good sore. Something I’d gladly take on again_

 **Anders:** _you were VERY good at taking…_

I groan, sinking a little deeper under the blanket. Please don’t put this mental image in my head, I don’t think my body can take it right now.

 **Me:** _flirt_

 **Anders:** _you love it ;) get some rest Garrett, I’ll talk to you later_

 **Me:** _talk to you tonight :)_

* * *

I manage to sleep about five more hours. I thought I slept _well_ last night – once I finally fell asleep - but apparently I needed more. My phone is thankfully empty of messages except one from Fenris that just says “??????”. I can wait to answer that.

The trouble is, my apartment doesn’t feel any less empty. I’m moping as I drag myself around. Anders was in this shower. Anders was in this kitchen. Anders was petting this dog.

Dog! Okay, this is good. Woofy’s got to be going stir-crazy after being cooped up in the house for so long, so I grab his leash and he’s all too happy to go for a walk. It’s really hot today, so not exactly ideal walking weather, but we make it work (complete with a short pit stop in the nearby park for water and some shade).

Even if it doesn’t completely distract me, it helps. By the time we get back, Woofy is exhausted and I’m a sweaty mess. Beth gets done work in about half an hour, so I don’t expect her here for at least an hour, hour and a half. That gives me some time to shower (again) and relax a bit.

But I decide to text Anders one more time first.

I don’t think he needs to leave for another hour, and I hope I’m not bothering him, but I wanted to talk to him again, even for a minute. This isn’t…clingy, right? I’m not even sure what to send him. Flirty or cute? Serious or funny? No, I can’t sit here and start second-guessing myself or I’ll never do it.

 **Me:** _btw…you look really cute when you first wake up_

This is either going to sound like a really bad pick-up line or something sweet and endearing. I have absolutely no idea which.

 **Anders:** _aww, you’re making me blush…_

I grin, sprawling out on the couch as I respond.

 **Me:** _well, you made me awfully red enough last night, I figured I would return the favor_

 **Anders:** _I don’t remember making your face red_

 **Anders:** _I think you’re confusing it with somewhere else_

 **Me:** _I can return that favor too?_

 **Anders:** _promise?_

 **Me:** _Sunday_

 **Anders:** _it’s a date ;)_

I’m congratulating myself on not screwing up, reaching over to grab the remote when I feel my phone buzz again.

 **Anders:** _I’m falling for you pretty hard, Garrett_

Okay, I’m just going to…I don’t know what I’m going to do because I have NO idea what to say to that. Other than a, “Hey, I’ve had a partial crush on you for the last I-don’t-know-how-many years so what the hell kind of dream world am I living in right now?” kind of response.

I read and reread it about 20 times before I realize I need to say _something_. It’s not going to be eloquent or cute or anything because I can barely form a coherent sentence right now.

 **Me:** _I can definitely say the same for you_

 **Anders:** _good to hear :)_

 **Anders:** _talk to you tonight Garrett_

 **Me:** _looking forward to it :)_

My heart is pounding in my chest and this _can’t be healthy_ with as many times as it’s happened in the last 24 hours. I feel like I need another nap. I’m just going to…shower and then curl up here and watch some TV and hope my head doesn’t explode.

* * *

I’m in the middle of an awful movie when I hear a knock on the door, right before it flies open. Beth comes bounding in, carrying bags of food and already squealing.

“Alright, tell me everything,” she says before the door is even closed.

“Hi to you too,” I smirk.

She just flashes me a grin as she unpacks the food, Woofy sitting and staring patiently next to her.

“Sooo…how was work?”

She shoots me a glare, passing over a box of fries.

“I was just watching this movie—”

“Oh, come _on,_ Garrett!” she wails.

I chew slowly, pretending to think while she stares expectantly at me. This is fun. I needed to lighten up a bit today.

“We went to dinner,” I begin casually. “Then we came back here. He stayed over and left this morning.”

Her eyes narrow. “I know you said PG version, but there has to be _something_ else you can tell me. What was he like? Funny? Smart? Obnoxious?”

I feel my face getting hot while I search for the right words…something she picks up on immediately.

“Garrett, you’re _blushing!_ ” she shrieks. “You have to tell me more!”

I guess I can probably give her some more details without giving away too much, right?

“Okay, okay…but this doesn’t leave this room, right?”

She nods eagerly, putting down her burger.

“So, he kisses me as soon as he gets here,” I start, putting down my food as well. She’s grinning, leaning forward.

“And so we go to the restaurant, which was really cute. Then back here and well…” I shrug, grinning, and probably blushing all over again.

“I want to ask so many things!”  

I scratch my head, looking away. “Yeah, I bet but uhh…do you _really_ want to hear those details about your brother?”

“Not at all, but I want to hear them about _him_ ,” she grins.

I think for a minute as I take another bite. I think she realizes that I’m not going to just freely kiss and tell.

“How about…you ask me a question, and I’ll just say yes or no?”

Her eyes light up and she nods eagerly. My curious sister.

“Did you do anything besides kiss before you went to dinner?”

I shake my head no.

“Is he funny? I bet he’s really charming.”

“He is.”

“Ummm…” Now she’s the one starting to blush.

“Was he…the one who initiated?”

I snort and nod my head.

“And did he uh, stay the one initiating?”

“Are you asking if he topped?” I smirk, raising an eyebrow. “Yes, Bethy, he did the fucking.”

“ _GARRETT!”_

She can’t even look at me, and I start cracking up.

“You wanted to know!”

“Jesus, Garrett, you didn’t need to say it like that,” she whines, shielding her eyes from me.

I smile serenely as I take another bite of my food. Do I keep torturing her?

“Three times…” I add.

She finally looks at me with wide eyes before cradling her head in her arms on the table.

“Plus there was the shower…” I continue. “That was almost a fourth. If I hadn’t freaked out this morning, there probably could have been another.”

“Wait,” she says, lifting her head. “Why did you freak out? What did he do?”

Now she sounds protective, and it’s a little sweet. But I really don’t want to go into detail on this.

“Nothing, it was all me,” I say uncomfortably. “I…thought he was…I was worried he was just going to leave.”

“You are such a dumbass.”

“Well, wouldn’t you think the same thing?” I demand. I know it can’t just be me.

“No?” she exclaims. “Garrett, he’s very clearly into you. I don’t think he’d go through all this…this _wooing_ only to disappear the next morning and never talk to you again.”

When she says it, it sounds like the most obvious thing in the world.

“He um…he texted me after he left.”

“And?”

“He said I’m amazing and that he misses me already,” I read. “And then a little while later he says he…”

I’m grinning stupidly reading it again, and Beth is getting impatient. I tap on just his message (she doesn’t need to read everything else…I’m not making that mistake again) and turn the phone towards her.

She gasps, grinning as she reads it again.

“Garrett…” she whispers. “ _Please_ tell me you said something normal back.”

“Of course I did,” I scoff. I can’t blame her for being worried, but at least this time I’m proud to say I didn’t screw up.

“I told him I felt the same. And I’m going to see him after the game on Sunday.”

I smile, reading the message again myself. She sighs dreamily from across the table.

“This is the cutest,” she smiles. “So…are you official now?”

“Nope.” I try not to sound disappointed. “I thought it might be too soon to bring that up.”

She nods. “Good point. Maybe see how things go on Sunday. Which…are we still going to the game?”

Good, then I guess I’m the only one dumb enough to have forgotten. The subject turns from my night to the game and our plans for that day as we finish our food. She fills me in on what I missed at work (nothing) and we chat aimlessly for a little while longer. I ask her to stay and watch the game, but she declines.

“I think I’ve had enough excitement for today,” she stretches.

“It’ll be on soon, just for a bit?” I kind of don’t feel like sitting in an empty apartment tonight.

She sighs, scratching Woofy behind the ear. “Alright, but just for a couple innings. I’m exhausted.”

Once she leaves I change into my pajamas and head back to the couch, trying to lose myself in the game. It doesn’t really work, so I sort of absentmindedly flip channels for a while, waiting for Anders to message me.

I can’t believe that this time last night he was here. I’m really curious what our conversations are going to be like from here on out. We’re at this whole other level now…I’m not sure how this is going to progress. I’m comforted by the fact that he’s made it clear he still wants to be with me, but is this something that we jump right into? Or will there be a long, drawn-out period of getting to know each other before anything is official? This is so different from any of my past relationships – for obvious reasons - but I also don’t remember feeling so strongly for anyone else. At least not this soon. I don’t know what to do!

I’m mulling over these thoughts, occasionally checking my phone to make sure I didn’t miss a message when I hear a knock on my door. Woofy is out back, so my first thought is that he got loose and someone is bringing him home. Instead, I open the door and…

“Anders?”

He’s smirking, duffle bag slung over his shoulder and he looks like he came straight here from the ballpark.

“I didn’t want to wait til Sunday,” he grins. “Can I come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Bethany. When will she learn that her brothers will continue to mortify her? Also, anyone who took bets on Garrett not accepting a good thing when it happens can collect their money now. He _is_ going to get more confident...he's just still in the "how in the holy fuck did I manage this?" frame of mind right now. 
> 
> Next up will be the game in the private box! I'm looking forward to having the whole group together at a game again. Kind of a different mindset than the first chapter, lol. There's a lot of really good stuff coming up :) 
> 
> And I know I say it every time, but THANK YOU for every comment, kudos, anything that you send my way. They all make me ridiculously happy and I appreciate every single one.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders stops by Garrett's with a surprise. The gang enjoys an entertaining afternoon at the game. And Anders and Garrett finally have a "real" first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk wtf I'm doing. 
> 
> Please get comfortable, cause this chapter is almost 14.5k words long, so you're going to be here for a while. I also apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes I may have missed. I'll probably go over this again tomorrow when I'm more awake, just to be safe.
> 
> And yes, as a friend I were discussing recently, Anders and Garrett are very much in the "can't keep their hands off of each other" phase, and I don't expect that to end any time soon, lol. I have to remind myself of this when I think there's an unreasonable amount of smut. Not drawing on personal experience or anything...

“What are you doing here?” I ask incredulously.

Anders just raises an eyebrow.

“If you let me in, I’ll tell you.”

“You sound like a vampire,” I mutter, moving out of the way so he can come inside.

“It’s called being polite, Garrett,” he laughs, setting down his bag on the table. “Although I _am_ quite fond of my mouth on your neck.”

I blush a little, and, of course, it’s right at that moment that I remember I’m standing there shirtless and in just my pajama pants and the wave of self-consciousness comes flooding back.

“So, um…hi?” I start, awkwardly crossing my arms over my chest.

“Hi,” he stops rummaging through his bag to flash me a grin, and _God_ , how could I miss seeing that so much already?

He finally pulls out a pile of shirts and some other things and sets them on the table next to the bag.

“This probably isn’t what you were expecting,” he laughs. “I hardly ever use my box, and I always forget the other perks that come with it. Like free stuff!”

He holds up a fistful of shirts triumphantly. I’m grinning, but still confused.

“O…kay,” I say, reaching for a shirt. “But…wouldn’t we have just gotten them on Sunday?”

“Ah, probably,” he replies a little sheepishly, still smiling. “But I thought it was a clever excuse to come see you?”

 _You don’t need an excuse to come see me!_ I’m internally screaming. I don’t care what the reason is, as long as he’s _here._

He’s just standing there looking at me, and I realize I haven’t responded. _Okay, be charming, Garrett. Don’t trip. You can do this._

I move towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him softly. His entire face brightens, and he wraps his arms around my waist. We just stand there for a minute, grinning at each other like idiots.

“You know what would be a good excuse to come see me?” I ask, giving him another quick kiss. “That you want to see me.”

“Well, that’s a very valid, uncomplicated reason, too,” he laughs softly, resting his forehead against mine.

“I _did_ just want to see you,” he murmurs. “But I can’t stay…”

I let out a small groan of disappointment before I can stop myself, which only makes him smile wider.

He kisses me, a little harder and longer than the others. We’re quiet for a minute as he absentmindedly runs his thumb across my cheek.

“I can’t get you out of my head,” he finally says, voice still barely above a whisper.

I can feel my heart start to beat faster, the stirring in my stomach returning. _Breathe, Garrett._

“That’s a good thing, I hope?” I say lightly, hoping my voice doesn’t give out on me.

“Good and bad,” he chuckles. “I’m not really sure what happened at the game tonight. Did we win?”

He looks up at me, grinning, and even though I can see the hint of teasing in his eyes, he seems genuinely…open. I don’t even know how to make sense of it in my head. Even though he’s relaxed around me, I always feel like there’s this level of cautiousness to him. I guess from so many years of guarding himself against the public he has a reason to, but right now I’m getting none of that.

“You did,” I smile. “Although I wasn’t paying very much attention, either. Can’t you stay for just a little while?”

He looks torn, shifting his eyes away from me as he thinks. I let go and take a step back, giving him some space. I’m already resigning myself to the fact that he’s leaving when he shoots me another grin.

“Let’s watch a movie? I’m a little too tired for…anything else.”

“That sounds great!” I laugh, a little too enthusiastically. I’m just happy he’s staying.

I glance at the back door. “I should probably let Woofy back inside, though, if you don’t mind?”

“Nope,” Anders calls, plopping down on the couch with an audible sigh of relief. I guess sitting on a wooden bench for three hours or so probably gets old.

Woofy is waiting impatiently at the door, and he has no idea it isn’t just the two of us as he trots inside.

 _Maybe he’ll just go in the bedroom and won’t realize Anders is here…_ I think, crossing my fingers.

No such luck. He’s just about to lie down when Anders sneezes, and I see his ears go from relaxed to high alert, trying to figure out the origin of the noise.

“It’s okay, buddy,” I call, darting back into the room. I see Anders peer over the back of the couch, eyes wide. Woofy, finally realizing his new best friend is back, bounds forward in happiness. The next thing I know, he’s standing on the couch, towering over Anders and trying to lick his face while Anders shields himself with a pillow.

 _Bad move, Anders_. I shake my head, biting back a laugh. _Now he thinks it’s a game._

“Hey!” I shout once I make it over to them, tugging on his collar. Woofy ducks his head a little and jumps down, wagging his tail and looking back and forth between us.

“You can stay in here, but you aren’t allowed to bother us,” I lecture, pointing at him. Woofy just stares, tongue lolling out to the side.

“Are you talking to him or me?”

“Oh ha _ha_ ,” I smile, sitting down on the couch myself.

“Do you really think he understands you?”

“Of course he does,” I say defensively. “He’s a very smart dog.”

Woofy, of course, chooses that moment to fall ungracefully onto his side while trying to lick his crotch. Way to prove my point.

“Anyway, are you okay?” I ask. We’re sitting kind of awkwardly, not entirely sure how close we should be or whether we should be touching. Are we just hanging out? Are we cuddling? Do I need to do the yawn-and-casually-drape-my-arm-over-his-shoulder thing? It took me two seconds to decide if I should put his dick in my mouth, and now I don’t know if touching his shoulders is weird.

I sigh and notice that Anders is staring at me with a little smirk on his face.

“What?”

“Did you even hear a word I said?” he grins.

He was talking? I need to stop doing this.

“I…might have zoned out,” I grimace. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said I was fine, and wanted to know if I could have a glass of water.” He seems amused instead of annoyed, which is good cause I’m getting annoyed with myself. I don’t need two of us annoyed at me.

“Of course!” I jump up to grab him some water and start rummaging through my cabinets. “Are you uh…do you want some food?” I have no food.

“Nope, just some water,” he calls. Thank God.

I hand him the glass before sitting back down, and he drinks half of it in one gulp. I’m fidgeting a little, trying to get comfortable but also trying not to make it obvious I have no idea what to do. I think he can tell, cause once he puts his glass on the coffee table he scoots closer and grabs my arm, throwing it around him. He glances up at me quickly and smiles, before resting his head on my shoulder.

Why didn’t I go put on a shirt? He can’t be comfortable against my bare skin. Although if it was me, I would probably prefer to be against _his_ bare skin. _Okay, focus._ It suddenly dawns on me that I’m sitting there with a very stiff and awkwardly placed arm.

“Sorry,” I mutter, more to myself than anything.

“For?”

“Nothing.” I shift myself so I’m a little more comfortable. It also allows him to burrow closer to me, resting his arm on my leg. This is so…I wonder if I can reach my phone and take a picture of this. If I knew where my phone was. That’s not creepy, right?

I must be squirming again without realizing it because Anders squeezes my knee, laughing softly.

“Should I move?” he asks, starting to sit up.

“No!” I pull him back as he laughs, bumping his head on my shoulder. “I was actually thinking…it’s stupid.”

“Tell me.”

“No,” I shake my head. “I’ll sound like a weirdo.”

“Garrett.”

“Fine,” I sigh. Time to make things uncomfortable. “I was just thinking I wish I could reach my phone cause I wanted to take a picture of us. It’s dumb.”

This time he does pull away. _Bravo, Garrett._

“Where’s your phone?”

“Huh? Um…I think I left it in the kitchen.” He should come back to cuddling with me. My side feels cold now without him.

“Go grab it,” he grins, handing me his now empty glass. “And bring me back some more water?”

“O…kay,” I stand up and hesitate for a moment, waiting for him to laugh and tell me to sit back down. Woofy looks up at me hopefully, and I give him a quick pat as I walk by. He turns his attention back to Anders, who, I notice, is very pointedly not looking in his direction.

I make myself comfortable again while he takes another sip before he settles against me in the same position as before.

“Does my hair look okay?” he asks, kind of running his fingers across the top.

“Wait, I’m really allowed to take a picture?”

He glances up at me, a confused smile on his face.

“Yes? Why wouldn’t you be?”

_SHIT. You’re supposed to be treating him like he’s normal, Garrett. This is just a picture with your potential boyfriend, not a picture with a superstar. He’s normal. Stop acting like this._

“I thought maybe you…wouldn’t want to since you came right from the game?” I lie. He knows I’m lying, I can see it in his face, but he doesn’t call me on it.

“Do I look _that_ bad?” he teases lightly, but I can hear the disappointment in his voice.

I sigh and kiss him softly on the head.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I didn’t mean it like that. I thought cause it’s so soon, maybe it was too…forward? Plus, I’m not wearing a shirt.”

“Garrett, you literally have about 10 naked pictures of me on your phone. Do you really think I’m going to say no to a normal one?”

I feel like such an ass right now. He’s right. Of course, he’s right.

“I’m just overthinking things, I guess,” I admit, resting my head on the back of the couch and running my hands over my face. “Sorry, kind of ruined the moment.”

He pulls away and I still refuse to look at him. Until he straddles my lap, gently tilting my head back to him.

“This doesn’t have to be hard,” he whispers, smiling.

“Is this a bad time for a ‘that’s what she said’ joke?”

“Jesus, Garrett, I’m trying to be serious!” he laughs. I smile a little and wrap my arms around his waist. He cradles my head in his hands, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on my lips.

“I mean it, though,” he continues. “You don’t need to keep second guessing yourself.”

“I can’t help it, your face is very distracting.”

“ _Just_ my face?” he gasps, moving my hands to cup his ass. “I’m offended.”

“Okay, not just your face,” I chuckle, squeezing slightly. Which, of course, causes him to grind against me and I can feel myself stirring in my pants.

“No teasing tonight,” he shakes his head, moving back to sit beside me. I groan good-naturedly as I put my arm back around him. We’re supposed to be watching a movie or something, right?

“Now, are you going to take that picture or what?” he nudges me.

I notice that Woofy has migrated to my bedroom, so I take a minute to jump up and close the door before I grab my forgotten phone. It takes us a minute or two to be happy with the way we look, but we curl back up together and I get a few shots that we both really like.

“Send me one,” he murmurs, nuzzling into my neck. “I want to make it my wallpaper. I get nervous that other people are going to see your dick if they glance at my phone.”

“WHAT?”

He bursts into laughter. “I’m just kidding! Those are for my eyes only.” I turn to glare at him and he takes the opportunity to kiss me again. “And very lucky eyes they are,” he grins.

“Such a charmer,” I roll my eyes, but I smile too.

There really isn’t anything good on, so we settle for a comedy we’ve both already seen. We could sit here and watch paint dry for all I care, I just like having him here, nestled in my arms.

It isn’t until about 20 minutes into the movie that I become aware of how still he is. We haven’t really been talking, content to just sit and enjoy each other’s company. I shift a little so I can see his face, and…did he really fall asleep on me?

I so want to take a picture of this. His head is resting partially on my shoulder, partly on my chest, mouth open and arm curled around my stomach. He looks hilarious and adorable at the same time and I’m really trying to resist the urge to giggle. Or kiss him. Or both.

He’s got to be exhausted after the last two days with next to no rest, so I try to stay still and let him sleep. It doesn’t last long though, and I feel him jolt awake after another few minutes.

“Mmph,” he grunts, sitting up and blinking his eyes in confusion. Why does he make the cutest sounds when he wakes up?

“Did I fall asleep?” he asks groggily, stretching his neck.

“Maybe,” I grin. “But I didn’t mind.”

He smiles apologetically at me.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize how tired I was until I sat down. Plus you’re really comfortable,” he says, yawning. He turns slightly on his side and rests his head against the back of the couch. “I haven’t exactly gotten a lot of rest lately.”

“You should really tell the team to stop working you so hard,” I nod in agreement.

He scoffs before shooting me puppy dog eyes that would make Woofy proud.

“Maybe you should try and keep me awake a bit longer.”

I shake my head, letting out a small laugh.

“I thought you said no teasing?”

“You aren’t interested in a good old-fashioned make-out session?” he grins again, sliding over so he’s straddling my lap for the second time. “I haven’t done that in a while. It’s not _really_ teasing, is it?”

It’s absolutely teasing, but I don’t say anything. I'm also curious what he means by “a while” cause for me it’s been…years? Not that the idea doesn’t interest me, it’s just that I’m not used to kissing without the expectation for something more.

I must make some sort of noise of approval, though, because he’s pressed against me a moment later, eagerly meeting my lips with a small groan of his own.

“Stop me if it’s too much, okay?” he whispers, his voice already husky with desire.

“It’s never too much,” I respond, pulling him back down.

We stay like that for I don’t know how long, my hands gripping his waist and his wrapped around my shoulders. The kisses are getting more intense and erratic the longer they go on, and I don’t even realize that I have my hands up his shirt until he reaches to take it off.

“Sorry, I didn’t…”

“Stop fucking apologizing,” he says, his lips back on mine a second later. We’re both half-hard, a fact that is extremely obvious every time he pushes against me. My hands now have free reign over his upper body, which I take immediate advantage of by scraping my nails down his back, causing him to shudder and moan into my mouth. He moves his hands down in response, pinching my nipples and grinning through his kiss when he feels me thrust up involuntarily.

If this is what he means by “not teasing,” I will graciously agree to not tease him every single night. Although I think most of those nights would probably end with me and my hand alone in the shower.

On the next downward slide of my hands I keep going, slipping them into the back of his pants to grab his ass and massage for a few moments before moving back up. He lets out a little whimper at the contact, which I’m taking as a sign I did something right.

“Fuck, Garrett, I said I wasn’t going to do this tonight,” he moans, unzipping his pants.

“We don’t have to do anything,” I murmur, sliding my hands back down with much better access this time.

His cock is now very prominently jutting out against his underwear and pressing against my stomach every time he rolls his hips into mine. I _may_ be encouraging him more than I should, my hands now firmly remaining on his ass, urging him forward into a rhythmic pace. The fact that I’m wearing a thin layer of cotton pants does absolutely nothing to hide my own arousal, the large bulge very obvious bumping against his own. We’re both breathing heavily, kissing wherever we can manage to meet as he rocks his hips back and forth.

“Stop,” he gasps, abruptly pulling back and trying to catch his breath as he looks at me with heavy-lidded eyes.

I take my hands out of his pants when he sits up and pulls them (and his underwear) down to his knees. He grips the waistband of my own, tugging at it insistently.

“Off,” he grunts, sitting back a bit more so I can slide them down. As soon as I do, he has both our cocks in hand, running his thumb over the already leaking heads to coat our shafts. He pumps slowly a few times, trying to find the right grip.

I let out a loud groan and my head falls back against the cushion. He’s thrusting slightly into his hand as he pumps, and I follow suit, slumping down a little more to get a better angle. I wrap one hand around our cocks as well while I clutch his hip with the other.  

We get a rhythm going easily, bucking into our hands while we stroke. I’m biting my lip painfully, trying to stifle the increasingly loud moans and noises coming out of my mouth.

“Fuck, Garrett, let me hear you,” he leans forward, growling right into my ear.

“Ah, fuck!” I shout, entire body heaving with the strain of our movements. His eyes are trained on my face the entire time, hips and hand moving harder to try and coax as many sounds out of me as possible. Which I am more than happy to provide, until it becomes almost one continual cry of his name mixed with pleas for more.

“You are going to fucking kill me,” he moans, head slumping down as he picks up more speed.

I match his pace, wrapping my arm almost completely around his waist and shifting to hold him as close as I can without breaking our contact.

“I’m not going to last much longer,” I grunt out. I’m already struggling to hold back, and fuck if my legs aren’t going to be sore tomorrow.

“Neither am I,” he pants. “Fuck, I should have had you inside of me.”

That’s all it takes to push me over the edge, and I scream, squinting my eyes shut and spilling over our hands and onto my stomach. He’s only a second behind me, groaning as he adds to the mess pooling between us. He falls forward to rest his head against my shoulder, both of us attempting to catch our breath.

I wipe my hand off on my pants and try to stay still so nothing spills onto the couch. That’s not a stain I want to have to explain the next time someone comes over.

Anders is still leaning against me, breathing almost back to normal before he starts chuckling into my neck.

“Fuck, how do you keep doing this to me?” he laughs, sitting back up.

“I’m pretty sure you did plenty yourself,” I respond, lifting an eyebrow.

“That I did,” he murmurs, and we share a few lazy kisses before looking around for something to clean the mess.

“Just take my pants off,” I sigh with a small laugh. “I can throw them in the wash after.”

He pulls them the rest of the way off and I clean us up the best I can. Once I’m finished, he slides off, fixing his own clothes and giving me a conflicted look.

“Go home,” I smile, standing. In my living room. In nothing but my boxers (that also really need to be washed), but I’m self-conscious enough to not walk around completely naked while he’s still here.

“I need to sleep,” he sighs. “And I better go now before I’m too sleepy to drive.”

“You know you’re welcome to stay here.”

He smiles warmly at me but shakes his head.

“Another time. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely,” I respond, walking him to the door. We kiss again, and I stand and watch him walk back to his car and drive away.

I should feel better, right? I wasn’t expecting to see him at all today, and especially not expecting _this_. But I’m already feeling the loneliness creeping back up. I throw my dirty clothes into the pile and pull on some new ones before lying on the floor of my room. Woofy comes bounding over, happy to have my attention all to himself. I scratch him mindlessly for a bit before yawning wide enough to hurt…probably a hint that I should head to bed, too. I’m too sleepy to dwell on anything that happened tonight, which is probably a good thing, anyway. The over-analyzing can wait until morning.

* * *

Saturday goes by excruciatingly slow. I spent the entire day pacing, barely focused at work and probably driving everyone nuts. I texted everyone going with me on Sunday and told them about the shirts and other gear that Anders brought, offering for them to help themselves if they want to be especially spirited. Beth, Carver and I already have more than enough, but Merrill and Bela are delighted. Fenris only answers with a simple “lol? No.”

We decide to carpool to the game – Beth, Carver and Merrill with me; Fenris and Bela meeting us there. Beth and I exchange knowing looks when Carver insists on sitting in the backseat with Merrill, who almost immediately curls up against his side. Carver looks so happy, and they’re so ridiculously cute that I can’t help but feel a little jealous. I catch Beth shooting them glances every once in a while, and I think she may be feeling the same way.

“Is your boyfriend pitching today, Garrett?” Merrill chirps.

I grin into the rearview mirror.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Merrill. And yes.”

She looks up at Carver in confusion.

“But I thought you said…”

“They just went on a date,” Beth cuts in, looking at me conspiratorially before glancing back at Merrill. I can hear Carver groan quietly.

“Please don’t give us the details,” he mutters.

“I want to hear the details,” Merrill pipes up, cheerfully. “Was it lovely, Garrett? What did you do?”

Beth turns back around, covering her mouth as she hides a smile. I glare at her out of the corner of my eyes and see her respond by raising her eyebrows in challenge. She opens her mouth—

“It was really great,” I speak up before she can. “We went out to dinner, and I introduced him to Woofy. And…he stayed overnight.”

“Oooh!” she giggles, glancing at Carver, who’s already turning three shades of red. “It does sound _very_ nice.”

“I hope Carver takes you on nice dates too, Merrill,” I tease as Carver shoots me a warning glare. She giggles again.

“Maybe not the same _kind_ of dates, but they’re all wonderful,” she smiles. Carver smiles back and puffs his chest out a little as he pulls her closer.

“Good to know,” I smirk, happy in the knowledge that they’re not having _those_ kinds of dates. More for Merrill’s sake, because it’s _Carver._ But of course, Beth can’t leave well enough alone.

“Why aren’t you taking her on those kinds of dates, Carver?” she asks, feigning innocence.

“Leave it, Beth,” he growls.

“I mean, don’t you think Merrill deserves a nice dinner and pretty gifts and—“

“ _BETHANY_.”

“Oooh, is that what we meant?” Merrill asks, looking between the two. “I thought Garrett was talking about something dirty.”

I can’t help it and I burst out laughing, Beth joining me a second later. Carver is fuming.

“I’m sorry I _respect_ my girlfriend and don’t go jumping into bed the first chance I get,” he snarls at us.

I bite my tongue and we both stop laughing, even though it’s _really_ hard.

“But Carver,” Merrill starts, “we…”

Beth cackles next to me before Merrill can finish, and I erupt into laughter all over again. Carver sighs and closes his eyes, resting his head back against the seat. I’m almost crying, I’m laughing so hard. I should probably pull the car over.

“ _We didn’t do anything_ ,” Carver insists. Merrill is nodding her head furiously.

“I didn’t mean _that_ ,” she squeaks.

Luckily we stop at a light and I get a chance to wipe my eyes and calm down. I hear Carver and Merrill whispering vehemently in the back, and Beth and I share another glance.

“Oops?” she shrugs, not at all apologetic as she turns on the radio and drowns them out. She’s quite the troublemaker today.

“Well, now you have even more unnecessary details about your brothers’ love lives,” I grin at her.

“Oh, _GOD_ , I didn’t think of it that way,” she groans, slouching in her seat. “Thanks a lot, Gare.”

 _Anything to make their lives a little brighter_ , I think as we pull into the parking lot.

I’m in too good of a mood today to let anything bother me. Bela had texted Beth, letting her know she and Fenris were already waiting for us. I spot them where we usually park, Fenris leaning against his car while Bela sunbathes across the hood, leaning against the windshield with one leg bent at the knee and arms behind her head. She’s in cut-offs and a Champion’s tank top, which…she apparently cut to make a belly shirt. That’s an awful lot of skin on a very hot car. How is she not burning?

We park a few spaces away, and I laugh a little to myself as we walk over. Guys are passing by, very obviously eyeing Isabela up (which I’m sure she loves), until they catch a glimpse of the death glares Fenris shoots their way. I guess that answers _that_ question.

“Kitten, you’re here!” Bela calls, sitting up as Beth skips over to her.

Fenris appears at my side, nodding hello to Carver and Merrill. We all start heading towards the gates, Beth and Bela a little ways ahead, arms linked and heads together, whispering. I’m sure she’s filling Bela in on the car drama. Carver is saying something in a low voice to Merrill while she soothingly rubs his back.

“What’s with him?” Fenris asks, smirking.

“Merrill accidentally implied that they’re having sex,” I grin, trying to force back another laugh. “I’m still not sure if it’s true.”

“Something I didn’t need to know,” he snorts. “Poor Merrill.”

Beth starts laughing loudly at something Bela says and I look up just in time to see Bela give her an exaggerated squeeze on her ass, bumping the sides of their hips together. Beth squeals, laughing even harder as she swats her away. We’re in _public_. This is my baby sister.

“HEY!” Carver and I shout at the same time.

This only causes the two girls to erupt into laughter all over again.

“Are you boys jealous?” Bela teases, turning around to walk backward. She starts making this weird, crab-like pinchy motion with her fingers. Carver huffs beside me and I just shake my head.

I fish the tickets from my pocket once we reach the gate. I honestly have no idea how to get to the private boxes, so we wander around a bit, eventually finding an exclusive elevator off in a corner. The attendant asks to see our tickets again before we’re allowed inside and taken up to the next level, which gives it all an air of superiority. Look at us, all celebrity-like. (I say to myself as a horde of screaming children run by.)

The woman points in the general direction of the box once we reach the next level, and the girls immediately skip ahead. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to barrel right through them and get there first. They’re here cause of _me_ after all. I swear I’m not pouting.

I forget it all, though, once I step inside. This place is _incredible_. Everyone is oohing and ahhing, touching everything. The room has a kitchenette on one side, with small tables on the other. There’s two large, flat screen TVs on the walls and a full buffet already laid out, featuring some of the more expensive food the stadium has to offer that we normally don’t even glance at. There’s also an outside patio (I didn’t realize we’d be right behind home plate!) with some padded stadium chairs to watch the game.

I step outside, grinning, as I take in the view of the field. I’m giddy with excitement, and it’s all I can do to not just scream out over the concourse in happiness. Bethany appears at my side a minute later, squeezing my arm.

“This is _so cool_!” she squeals, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

We take in the view for a minute before heading back inside, and we’re greeted with the sight of Carver shoving the rest of a hot dog into his mouth, glaring at Bela. She’s giggling as she saunters over to us.

“He fit that whole hot dog _so easily_ into his mouth, so I asked him if he had been practicing on anything else,” she grins. “I think he mumbled ‘I’m not Garrett’ but it was _so_ hard to tell.”

Poor Carver. Thank God Bela wasn’t in the car earlier, she’d be hooting about that for weeks.

We got here really early, so there’s still a ton of time before the game even starts. The Champs are out warming up for a bit longer, and I want to head down and see if I can spot Anders.

“I’m going down to the field to watch batting practice, anyone want to come?”

Carver and Fenris shake their heads no, and Merrill opts to stay behind as well. I knew Beth was going to say yes, and Bela decides to tag along as well.

The three of us make our way through the concourse, trying to get an idea of what part of the field Anders is practicing in. He’ll be in the bullpen soon, but for right now I see him in right field, so we make our way over. There’s no one there (everyone is trying to get autographs in the area around home plate) so we’re pretty much alone.

“Woooo, number 7 you are looking _FINE!_ ” Bela shouts as soon as we’re close, waving dramatically. Anders and Justice both turn and look up in surprise to see who’s causing the commotion. I lower my head, shielding my eyes as I start laughing. Beth and Bela are next to me, jumping up and down and waving and _GOD,_ do they really need to do this??

When I finally raise my head I see that Anders is still looking at us, but now he’s grinning. We make eye contact and he winks before turning back around, doing a very exaggerated toe-touch. _Fuck_ , he looks good in that uniform.

“Awww I didn’t get a wink,” Bela pouts. “Although that _view_ …”

I shush her, distracted when I see a couple of the other players walk over to Anders, gesturing up towards us and laughing. He just shakes his head and brushes them off, although he looks like he’s joking around too. The girls have turned their attention elsewhere, but I catch the glance Anders throws back over his shoulder at me, a fond smile on his face before Justice tells him to get a move on. I feel the butterflies reappear in my stomach as I smile shyly back.

“Look at you blush, Hawkey!” Bela coos.

“You two are so cute, Gare,” Beth adds.

I just roll my eyes and shoo them across the aisle so we can get closer to the action down the baseline. The Champs aren’t out there much longer and we start to lose interest when they leave, opting to go wander around the stadium for a bit before we head back to the box.

We find Carver and Merrill curled up on one of the couches (Carver is _still_ eating) when we get back, and Fenris out on the deck. Bethany and Bela linger, talking to Merrill, so I head out there to join him. We watch everything happening below us in silence for a little while.

“Who would have thought we’d be here,” he finally says.

“If you had told me on Opening Day that I’d even _talk_ to Anders, I wouldn’t have believed you,” I agree. “And now…”

“Spare me the details,” he smirks. There’s another pause. “We haven’t talked much lately.”

I feel a pang of guilt. It’s true. I’ve been slightly…preoccupied. I sigh, running my fingers through my hair.

“I know, I’m sorry.” I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, but he’s not looking at me, a blank expression on his face.

“I honestly don’t have anything interesting to talk about,” I shrug. “Unless you want to hear me talk about work. Or Anders. Which I…don’t think you do.”

He huffs at that, a small smirk appearing and disappearing just as quickly.

“Maybe I have things to talk about.”

I turn to actually look at him this time, eyebrows raised. He hasn’t moved.

“Do you?” I ask, slightly horrified at what a horrible friend I’ve been. “Is everything okay? You can always talk to me.”

He doesn’t respond, and I hear Beth and Bela laughing loudly at something behind us. His eyes flit towards them before facing front again.

 _Oh._ Bela.

“Is it about…?” I begin, nodding towards her. He gives me a sharp look but stays quiet.

“It’s nothing, Hawke,” he sighs, stretching his arms out in front of him. “Just maybe…don’t ignore my texts all the time?” He smirks, finally looking at me.

I duck my head, grinning sheepishly and nodding. Beth appears at that moment, looking curiously between the two of us.

“Filling him in on your date, Gare?”

“Please,” Fenris snorts.

She tugs on my arm. “Come eat something before Carver finishes it all.”

He has made quite an impressive dent in the food already, Beth wasn’t kidding. The game’s getting ready to start, and an attendant knocks on our door to make sure we have everything we need. She’s looking us over carefully, eyes lingering on Bethany and Bela. I tell her we’re fine and after some prodding, she leaves, telling us that she’ll be back to check on us in a few innings.

“Why was she looking at us like that?” Merrill asks as soon as the door closes.

“I think she was trying to decide whether it was Bethany or Isabela who was sleeping with Anders,” Fenris growls. He’s awful at hiding his protectiveness. The girls, meanwhile, just exchange glances and giggle.

“Oooh, Hawkey, _please_ let me pretend it’s me!” Bela pleads, ignoring the frown Fenris gives her.

I roll my eyes. I’m not sure what she thinks she needs to do? We’re just going to be watching the game, not interviewed by the paparazzi.

“The game’s getting ready to start, I’m going out on the deck,” I reply, grabbing some food and making my way out.

Surprisingly, Carver is the one right behind me. He gives me a look as he sits down, grunting before unwrapping another hot dog.

“I don’t want to listen to them all babbling about your boyfriend,” he mumbles through a mouthful of food. “They’re ridiculous.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I say automatically, but I appreciate the sentiment.

Everyone joins us a few minutes later, right as the teams are ready to be announced. The view is fantastic, and I spend way too long trying to get a picture of Anders as he’s walking in from the bullpen. I’m having flashbacks to Opening Day, feeling this same thrill in my chest as I watch him walk across the field. Although this time there’s the added bonus of Justice. And…everything else.

I don’t even realize I’m bouncing my leg until Beth rests her hand on my knee. I’m laughing, near delirious with excitement and just squeeze her hand in reply.

We all stand and start cheering when the team takes the field. The stadium is packed, and Anders, of course, gets the loudest applause when they announce his name. He’s already in game mode, though, ignoring everything while he tosses warm up pitches to Justice, before the two of them meet briefly on the mound.

I settle back down in my seat, but I can’t keep myself still. I know my leg is driving Bethany nuts but come ON, this is exciting! It’s more than exciting, I’m just…watching him now, in person, actually _knowing_ him, has me so totally in awe right now.

Anders is so _different_ when he’s on the mound. So intense, so focused, so…

 _Like he is in bed,_ I think.

I’m blushing, I can feel it, and I’m praying no one decides that now is a good time to look at me.

 _I need to stop thinking about Anders in bed._ Stop thinking about how engrossed, how completely lost in the act that he becomes, and how it’s exactly the same way when he pitches. _God, how did I not see this before??_

I shift in my seat a little, adjusting my pants. My entire body is a little warmer than usual right now, even in the summer heat. Beth kicks me a second later, looking over with an incredulous stare.

“ _Really_ , Garrett?” she hisses. “NOW?”

I give her an apologetic grin and shrug one shoulder.

“Do you see him?” I whisper back. “Do you have _any_ idea what he looks like under that uniform? What else he can do with those hands?”

Now it’s her turn to blush, looking away. I shouldn’t tease her. I know the sexual frustration during those dry stretches without a boyfriend all too well. Or, you know, the fact that she doesn't want to hear intimate details of her brother's sex life.

Bela takes that opportunity to lean forward, resting her head in between us.

“What’s he saying that’s making you blush, kitten?” she pouts. “I’ve been missing all the fun conversations today.”

“Nothing,” I say quickly, Beth shaking her head at the same time. Bela makes a noise of disappointment but doesn’t press us any further.

We turn our attention back to the game as Anders records his second out. He looks good – in a totally not sexual way, this time. He looks loose, confident, and totally in control of his pitches.

Which isn’t really saying a whole lot because they’re playing the Denerim Wardens and…they’re pretty crappy. They’re in a rebuilding phase, and the only players that are really worth anything are their first and third basemen, Aedan Cousland and Alistair Theirin. It’s like watching two pros surrounded by a team of little leaguers, and it’s a shame. I like Theirin though, he’s a real smartass in all his interviews. He also really likes cheese, which I can appreciate.

Regardless, their pitching is awful and the Champs score three runs in the first inning. That, combined with the way Anders is pitching, means it’s probably going to be a fairly boring game. There’s no challenge.

Everyone sort of gets distracted by the third inning – except me – and begins to wander around the box. Merrill and Bela get hot and decide to go back inside the air conditioned room. Fenris, Beth and Carver all congregate near each other, chatting mindlessly, which leaves me alone with my thoughts.

Beyond the obvious excitement, It’s so hard to even describe how I’m feeling watching Anders play. It’s like he’s two different people, and I’m gradually starting to see how they meet and form (what I’m now thinking of as) the “real” Anders.

Whenever I see him out on the field he’s so confident, so arrogant. He does what he wants and he doesn’t care if he’s an asshole for being proud of it. He has no problem calling people out when they do something wrong, but he’s also the first person there to cheer them on when they do something right. It seems like there’s always this well-controlled rage bubbling just under the surface, and Justice is the only one who can channel it into something productive.

But then I think about how he acts when we’re in private. The way his eyes never leave my face, the way they light up when I try to make him laugh. The way he touches me and runs his hands over my body, almost like he doesn’t believe I’m real. How patient he is, how he listens even when I don’t make any sense, how all he has to do is say a few words and I can relax.

And I’m just so _proud_ sitting here watching him. Looking at him, thinking, _that man down there…that amazing, talented, incredible man wants me, out of everyone he could possibly have. He chose ME._ Even if we aren’t officially a couple yet, as long as I manage not to screw things up I think we will be. And the more I get to know him, the more he becomes “just Anders” and less the superstar I’ve seen for years, the more I want it.

“Garrett?”

Beth is standing next to me, giving my shoulder a slight shove.

“I called your name like five times,” she grins.

“Sorry!” I glance back at the field right as the inning ends. “I was thinking.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Right. I don’t think I want to guess _what_ you were thinking. We’re going to go walk around a bit, want to come?”

I nod, standing. Part of me doesn’t want to waste any of the time we have in the box, but part of me also suspects that I’ll have the chance to come back again.

 _Don’t assume anything_ , that obnoxious voice in the back of my head warns me. I push it away as I follow Beth back into the room, right as the attendant makes a reappearance.

This time she makes no secret of zoning in on Bethany and Bela, sizing them up as they fight to keep straight faces.

“How is everything?” the woman asks. “Can I get you anything else? I’d be more than happy to give you a tour around the VIP area.”

“We’re good, thank you,” I respond quickly before anyone else can answer.

“You’re a doll,” Bela purrs, shooting the woman one of her most charming smiles. “I’ll be _sure_ Anders knows how attentive you’ve been.”

I manage to turn my laugh into a cough at the last minute, trying not to make eye contact with Bela OR the attendant. I hear Merrill giggling quietly behind me and Fenris let out a huff of annoyance. The attendant narrows her eyes slightly, and I can almost feel the jealousy radiating off of her.  

“Ooh _yes_ ,” Bethany coos, wrapping her arm around Bela’s waist and snuggling close. “He will be _so_ happy to know how well we’ve been treated.” They exchange glances before Beth turns back to the attendant.

“He always makes sure we’re both… _taken care of_.”

_Bethany!_

The attendant’s eyes go wide, staring at them in disbelief before shooting a glance my way. I just shrug helplessly. Like I could stop them even if I wanted. The woman puts her professional smile back in place before reminding us we can find her if we need anything, and then excuses herself.

As soon as the door closes Beth and Bela explode into laughter, plopping themselves down on the couch next to Merrill, who is also in a fit of giggles. Carver somehow manages to look annoyed even while he empties a bag of Cracker Jacks into his mouth, but Fenris now has an affectionate smirk on his face. That poor guy. He’s got it _bad_.

Like I’m one to talk.

Once they’ve calmed down we all head to the main concourse, taking our time wandering around and enjoying the atmosphere. We treat ourselves to some ice cream since it’s one of the few foods we don’t have available upstairs and perch ourselves at some tables near third base.

Beth gives me a little nudge with her elbow, smiling at me while we eat. I hear Bela giggle to my left and turn to see her dab a bit of ice cream on Fenris’ nose before kissing it off. He catches me gaping at them and blushes. Actually _blushes_.

That’s it. This is the apocalypse.

Merrill is on Beth’s other side, and they’re now chatting quietly, Carver looking over their heads and making eye contact with me. He gives me a slightly suspicious look, squinting his eyes as he shoves the rest of his cone into his mouth, chewing slowly. All…right?

Even with Carver’s oddness, I still feel a random rush of affection for these guys. I take them all in again, so happy and enjoying each other’s company more than anything. It’s been so long since we’ve just _relaxed_ and hung out like this, and I didn’t realize how much I missed it. It almost feels like coming back home.

I don’t realize I’m grinning until I feel arms wrap around my waist.

“We’re happy to see you too, Hawkey,” Bela says, giving my upper back an exaggerated kiss since it’s the highest she can reach.

I laugh - a good, deep laugh from my stomach, and I turn so I can wrap an arm around her shoulders. She gives me another squeeze before untangling herself and moving to stand between Carver and Merrill. I turn and grin at Fenris, who smiles back and shakes his head. Yeah, I know the feeling.

The teams switch sides and I refocus on the game while I finish my own ice cream. From this angle, I can see right into the Champ’s dugout. It takes a few minutes of intense searching, but I finally find Justice, rightfully assuming Anders would be next to him. Anders is leaning forward, resting his elbow on his knee and chin in his hand as he watches his teammates bat. He looks bored as hell. Justice is silent next to him, spinning a batting helmet in his hands.

I can’t really blame them. It’s only the bottom of the 5th inning, even though it feels like the game is taking forever, and we’re winning easily. I’m not complaining because I’m having a great time, but I’m sure for them it’s mind numbing.

We head back up to the box a few minutes later, chatting mindlessly with each other. Merrill is telling me about a bird she rescued a few days ago and mended back to health, whispering that Carver helped her make it a small nest. I can’t help but laugh at that...Carver’s big, awkward hands trying to make a tiny little bed for a bird. Merrill smiles proudly, though, shooting an oblivious Carver a happy glance and it’s adorable.

When we get back to the box I make my way back to the deck to keep watching, letting everyone else mingle around and do what they want. The game is going quickly, and the closer to the end it gets, the more I start thinking about _after_. Anders and I agreed that we would meet at my apartment and decide from there what we would do. I can’t tell if it’s nervousness or excitement filling my chest (or both) but either way, my calm, relaxed attitude is slowly disappearing.

Bethany sits down next to me after a bit, silently handing me half of her hot dog.

“So, what are you guys doing tonight?” she asks, settling back into her seat.

“I have no idea,” I admit. I’ve thought and thought about it, but nothing seems, I don’t know, _good_ enough.

“You’re overthinking it.”

“Probably,” I sigh. “Anything that sounds fun to me doesn’t seem like it would be exciting enough or something.” I shrug, taking a bite.

“I don’t think you need to go for exciting, Gare,” Beth says, shaking her head. “Go for relaxed and casual. He’s probably going to be a little tired, anyway.”

That doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but I still worry that he’ll be bored.

“I also don’t think you need to worry about impressing him at this point,” she continues, brushing her hands off on her lap. “Just get to know each other.”

I smile, squeezing her leg. I’m going to keep that in mind, although I’m secretly hoping he will already have an idea of what he wants to do.

Anders gets taken out two innings later, and he honestly doesn’t seem to care. The Champs are up by six runs and it doesn’t seem likely the Wardens will do much of anything. I insist on waiting until the last out, though, despite the grumbling from everyone else.

I take one last look around the box as we all get ready to leave – also noticing Carver stuffing some food into his pockets to take with us. He acts like mom and Bethany don’t feed him. Everyone is in good spirits as we head to our cars.

“Don’t be a stranger, Hawkey!” Bela calls. “I still want _all_ the details.” She grins before getting into Fenris’ car.

Fenris smirks at me over the top of his car.

“I’ll text you tomorrow, Hawke,” he says, and I can hear the hidden meaning in his deep voice. “Let’s have dinner soon.”

“Absolutely,” I smile. “Uh…good luck?” I gesture towards Bela, who already has the radio blaring and is dancing in her seat. He smiles back, shaking his head as he gets in as well.

Everyone else is already waiting in my car. We keep up a steady stream of conversation – even Carver – and I’m grateful because it takes my mind off of the impending evening. I’m still way more nervous than I should be.

* * *

I drop everyone off at home before rushing back to my apartment to get ready. Anders said he was going to come here after he stopped back at his place, so I have a little bit of time, but I don’t want to run the risk of being late and making him wait for me. The more I think about it, the more I’d be happy just staying at home. Although I’m not sure he wants to spend yet another night hanging out on my couch.

I’m showered, changed and Woofy has been fed, so now it’s just a waiting game. I’m antsy. We haven’t spoken since the day before, and even then it was only briefly. I plant myself on the couch, idly playing around on my phone and trying _not_ to think about the last time he and I were on this couch together.

My phone buzzes after a bit and I nearly throw it across the room in surprise. I’m clearly well-prepared for this.

 **Anders:** _are you dressed? I’m on my way_

 **Anders:** _it’s perfectly acceptable to answer “no” to that question, btw_

Visions are floating through my head of answering the door with nothing but a pillow strategically placed in front of me. I know he’d like it. But I also know we definitely wouldn’t be leaving this apartment.

 **Me:** _I’m dressed and ready…although I’m totally fine with being undressed and “ready” instead_

 **Anders:** _damn it Garrett, I’m driving lol_

 **Anders:** _don’t distract me!_

 **Anders:** _stay like you are, I’ll be there in a couple minutes. I can always unwrap you later_

The thought sends a shiver down my spine. I decide at the last minute to put Woofy outside for a bit, at least until I know what we’re doing and we’re ready to go. And in case Anders shows up with any other kinds of ideas in his head.

Just as I’m coming back inside, I hear a knock on the door.

“Coming!” I call, jogging towards it.

Anders is standing much like he was the first time he came over, hands in his pockets and leaning against the doorframe.

“You came already? Without me?” he smirks, kissing me hello briefly as he walks inside. I see him tense and glance around furtively.

“Woofy is outside, don’t worry,” I grin, shutting the door behind him.

“Oh, a private audience then,” he grins back, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me in for a deeper kiss. I missed this. It’s been a day and a half since I last kissed him and I feel like I need it like air.

He seems to feel the same because his kisses become more intense, small noises escaping his throat. In seconds, he has me backed against the wall, pressing his hips into mine and rolling them just enough to tease.

“Are you saying,” I try to say around his mouth, “that you want to stay in tonight?”

“Nope,” he murmurs, kissing his way down my neck. “I just want you to think of this all night, of all the things I’m going to do to you once we’re alone again.”

I groan and grip his hips, pulling him harder against me. He laughs lightly, shaking his head.

“Now, Garrett, are you going to be good?” he purrs, giving me one more lingering kiss, biting my bottom lip as he pulls away.

“Not if you keep doing things like that.”

“If you’re good, I’ll give you something nice.”

I raise an eyebrow at that.

“What are you talking about?”

He grins, taking my hands and pressing them to his ass. I pull him into me again and he lets out another deep moan, returning the thrust. I’m breathing heavier already and he takes the chance to begin peppering small bites and kisses along my neck and up to my ear, tugging on my earlobe with his teeth.

“If you’re good,” he whispers, “I’ll let you fuck me.”

He gives me a throaty laugh right in my ear, making me shiver in anticipation. I look at him, my eyes already half glazed over and he just grins.

“You really expect me to behave knowing _that?_ ”

“That’s the point,” he smirks, pushing himself back and walking away from me.

I groan closing my eyes as I slump against the wall.

“Alright,” I sigh. “So where are we going?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, sitting on the arm of the couch. “Any ideas?”

“None,” I shake my head. “I thought you might be tired so I wasn’t going to suggest anything…exhausting.”

He nods, thinking.

“It’s a nice night. Want to walk somewhere close and get some food? Then we can see if we feel like doing anything else.” He almost looks a little shy when he glances at me. “I’m okay just coming back here and watching a movie afterward or something.”

“Right,” I snort. “Because that worked _so_ well last time.”

“Hey,” he laughs, standing, “that won’t happen every time! We could always go to the movies instead?”

I think about that for a minute. Dinner and a movie…maybe this could be the real first date we didn’t have. That’s assuming we can both manage to behave ourselves. I, at least, have the incentive to do so.

“Alright,” I agree, grabbing my keys. “You want to wait outside while I let Woofy back in?”

He heads out and I let my cranky looking dog back in, where he promptly flops on his bed, glaring. He must know I’m going out. Sorry, buddy. Maybe you’ll get to see your new friend later.

I lock up and we head down the street, along the same route Woofy and I usually take to go to the park. It’s still warm, the sun just getting ready to set, and because it’s a Sunday, the streets aren’t nearly as crowded as usual.

He says he’s happy getting something simple, so I take him to my favorite deli and order sandwiches. We debate eating there, but the park isn’t far away, so we decide that’s the better choice (it’s more private, I tell him).

I should have brought a blanket. A picnic would have been cute, right? I don’t even think I have one I could use, but I’d be willing to sacrifice my quilt for the good of the order. Anders doesn’t seem to care, though, picking a bench near the lake, away from the few other people scattered around.

“This is nice,” he remarks. “Quiet.”

I stare at him for a minute, wondering if he’s being sarcastic, but he looks up at me and gives me a genuine smile.

“Yeah,” I smile shyly back. “Woofy and I come here a lot. He likes to chase the ducks.”

“I bet he does,” he smirks, taking a bite of his food. “And wow, this thing is amazing.” He looks impressed.

“I go there all the time, they’re really good,” I agree.

“Do you _ever_ cook?”

 _Now_ he’s teasing, and I pretend to be offended. Because I don’t bake all day or anything.

“I will have you know I make excellent scrambled eggs and bacon,” I say proudly. “Maybe if you stick around long enough for breakfast you can find out.”

He winces slightly at the words and I panic.

“I was just teasing!” I say in a rush. “About sticking around, I mean. Not the eggs. I DO make really good eggs. I—“

“Garrett, it’s fine,” he says, smiling softly as he squeezes my leg. “It wasn’t you, I just moved my arm funny and it stung.”

I look at him doubtfully. Sort of a coincidental time for him to have a nerve spasm, but he seems a little closed off so I let it go.

“Are you all right?” I ask instead.

“Yup, it just happens sometimes,” he replies, taking another bite. I hum in acknowledgment and things fall silent between us as we eat. Slightly awkward silence.

 _Nice job_ , I sigh to myself. _Things were going so well_.

“So, anything else you want to do tonight?” Anders asks, cutting into my thoughts.

“Is that a trick question?”

“No,” he laughs. “I really don’t know the city that well, to tell you the truth. Considering I’ve only lived here about four months.”

I perk up at that.

“I can show you around!” I shout.

_Inside voice, Garrett. It doesn’t matter if you’re outside._

“Most of Kirkwall kind of sucks, but there are some cool places if you know where to go.”

He laughs lightly. “Maybe not tonight, but sure.”

I feel more at ease now, and decide to push ahead.

“How bored were you at the game today?” I grin. He barks out a laugh, almost choking on his food.

“It was that obvious, huh?”

“Well, I looked for you right around the 6th inning and you looked…not thrilled.”

“I shouldn’t complain about being bored,” he shook his head. “Bored means we’re winning. But yeah, I was uh…a little impatient to get out of there.” He shoots me a knowing look.

I blush, lowering my head to take another bite of my sandwich.

“How was the box, by the way? No problems?”

I laugh, perking up, telling him about the attendant and then more random stories about my friends. He’s smiling indulgently the entire time, and I finally stop myself, realizing I’m getting a little carried away.

“Sorry,” I grin sheepishly. “I um…wanted to get to know you better tonight, anyway. Not have you listen to me talk about my friends.”

“We can do both,” he laughs. “But what do you want to know?”

I shrug. How can I tell him “everything” without sounding creepy?

“What do you do in your spare time?”

“What spare time?” he smirks. “You mean when I’m not talking to you?”

I roll my eyes, but I’m secretly thrilled with the answer. _Calm down._

“Sure.”

“Wellll…” he pauses. “Nothing exciting, honestly. Not since I came to Kirkwall, anyway. I usually go home after the game, watch TV a bit and then go to sleep. Maybe talk to some friends or work out or fool around on the internet. The usual crap.”

I make a small noise of acknowledgment, amused that he literally does the same thing as me most days. Minus the existence of Woofy.

“What about your family? Where are they?”

He tenses again slightly, and I feel my stomach drop. Maybe I should have started with less personal questions.

“I don’t have any family.”

“I’m so sorry,” I say earnestly, placing my hand over one of his. “You can have Carver.”

He bursts out laughing, leaning over to give me a quick kiss.

“No, thank you. I think you would miss him too much,” he teases. “But it’s fine. I’ve been without family since I was young, I’m over it.”

He doesn’t _seem_ over it if he’s still tense.

“Justice is probably the closest thing I have to family.”

“I…wondered about the two of you. How close you were.”

He smirks. “Are you implying what I think you are? No, he’s like…an older brother. Not quite a father, but close.” He pauses, looking down at his hands for a moment. “He was there for me during a rough time and helped pull me out. And he’s sort of kept an eye on me ever since.”

I nod, not wanting to press further, even though I’m incredibly curious. Anders takes that moment of silence as the chance to stand, though, balling up his trash.

“Want to walk while we keep talking?”

I agree, throwing away my trash. We start to walk the path close to the lake and back to the exit, making small talk as we go and learning a lot more mindless facts about each other. Anders loves coffee and hates tea. He prefers beef to chicken. He used to run when he was younger and didn’t originally even want to play baseball. In turn, I tell him about my family. How I got Woofy and how I started working at the bakery. Before I know it, we’re back at my door.

“Are…you coming inside?” I ask, hoping I don’t sound nervous.

“I have to,” he sighs, smiling. “I haven’t said hi to Woofy yet.”

“He will be thrilled, trust me.”

Sure enough, as soon as the door opens, Woofy is on us. I manage to get between him and Anders before he knocks Anders flat on his ass. He sits, but he’s wagging his tail so excitedly that his butt is barely touching the floor. I find it absolutely adorable, although I’m not sure Anders is as enraptured.

But, to my surprise, he kneels down next to Woofy, letting him sniff and lick his face. This would definitely have been at the top of the “things I didn’t expect to see tonight” list.

“Well, he needs to get used to me sometime, right?” he laughs as Woofy nudges him again.

The implications of that statement are enough to make my heart swell and I break out into a huge grin.

“I’m sure he’s more than happy to be best friends,” I laugh.

He excuses himself to go use the bathroom and wash his face once we get inside, which is good because I really just need a couple minutes alone to calm down and breathe.

 _Things are good_ , I repeat over and over. There’s no reason for me to be nervous. I think I’m actually more excited than nervous, but I need to relax either way.

By the time he gets out Woofy has migrated to his bed in the living room. Anders heads towards the kitchen, gesturing me over with his head.

“Do you mind if I make some coffee?”

“Afraid you’ll fall asleep on me again?” I tease.

He pauses and pretends to think.

“Maybe you’re right. You did have a _very_ nice way of keeping me awake,” he grins.

“I guess we’ll just have to figure out something else to do,” I sigh, turning on the machine.

He comes up behind me a moment later, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.

“This is nice,” he murmurs.

“Coffee?” I chuckle, pulling him in closer.

“That too,” he agrees. “But I meant this. Having someone to come home to.”

I let out a shaky sigh in response. I’m not even sure what to say to that, but I love it. I lean back into him slightly, inhaling the scent filling the room.

“I could get used to it,” I murmur.

He twists his head, giving me a small kiss on the neck before nuzzling his face into it. We stand in silence for a few moments, waiting for the coffee to finish.

I pour a couple cups – Anders likes his with sugar, no cream, I discover, filing the information away for later – and we settle down again on the couch. Woofy perks his head up in interest, but seeing we have no food goes back to sleep. I don’t feel like watching TV, and I have a feeling Anders doesn’t either, so I stop on one of the sports recap shows as background noise.

Highlights come on from the Champs/Wardens game and I’m suddenly thrust into a very surreal moment. Here I am, watching the baseball highlights like I do most nights, except this time I’m watching the pitcher on the screen with him _sitting_ _right next to me_. This is just…weird.

“Man, that guy is good looking,” Anders comments.

I burst out laughing.

“Well, I may be biased, but I agree. I did see plenty of women eyeballing you today, though,” I grin.

“Including your friends,” he smirks. “I’m going to guess from what you told me that that was Isabela and Bethany?”

“Ah, yeah,” I rub my neck. “Bela was the one actually doing the yelling, but Bethy was just as…enthusiastic.”

“I thought they were cute,” he says innocently, glancing at me over the rim of his mug as I whip my head around.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous,” he laughs.

“No,” I say defensively. “It’s just…Beth is my _sister._ My little baby sister who shouldn’t be ogling my boyf—“

I manage to stop myself before I go further, feeling my face burn as Anders gazes at me with wide eyes.

“Your what?” he prods.

“Nothing. I didn’t mean—“

“No, tell me,” he insists, grabbing my mug and putting them both down on the table. I glance at him briefly but don’t say anything.

“Is that what you want?” he murmurs, eyes softening. “Are you ready, I mean?”

“Yes,” I blurt out too quickly, sighing at my eagerness. He smiles, shifting himself closer and rubbing my arm softly.

“Yes,” I say with more confidence, looking him in the eye. “If…it’s what you want, too?”

He doesn’t hesitate, leaning towards me as soon as the words are out of my mouth.

“God, yes,” he breathes, pulling me in for a kiss. A small whimper escapes my throat, but I claw at his shirt, tugging him closer.

_THIS IS HAPPENING!_

My senses are overloaded with the taste of coffee on his lips and the musky smell that I’m now starting to associate with him, and the mixture is perfect.

He pulls away before things get too heated, taking a couple deep breaths as he moves back to his spot on the couch, albeit a little closer than before. We glance at each other at the same time and start laughing.

“So…” I start.

“So, I guess I have a boyfriend,” he grins at me.

“Yeah,” I agree. “I uh…”

My mind is totally blank. He’s looking at me, amused, as I struggle to form any kind of coherent sentence.

“Yeah,” I laugh. _Smooth, Garrett_.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you…” he begins, casually. “Do you use Facebook or anything like that?”

“Not really.” I don’t have the attention span for social media. “Instagram, mostly. And a Twitter account rarely. Why?”

“Just wondering,” he says, shrugging. “I just…I like to keep my private life private.”

What does he think I’m going to do?

“I’ll make sure I don’t post all your dick pics then,” I reply, a little more sarcastically than I mean to. He grimaces but doesn’t seem annoyed.

“I gave you at least that much credit,” he says with a wry grin. “You know what I mean.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I’m not going to say anything.” I glance at him quickly. “I mean…I can tell my friends, right?”

He laughs and relaxes back into the couch. “Yes, Garrett. This doesn’t really change anything.”

“Sure it does,” I scoff. “Now I can say things like ‘my boyfriend slept over’ or ‘my boyfriend is pitching tonight’ or—“

“’My boyfriend has an amazing cock’?”

I bark out a laugh.

“My boyfriend is very full of himself,” I taunt, giving him a quick kiss.

We settle back into comfortable silence, picking up our now lukewarm coffee.

“So, do you have to work tomorrow?”

I nod. “Not til the afternoon, though.”

“Do you guys do catering or anything?” he asks abruptly, looking into his mug.

“Um, not really,” I respond, confused. “We can do custom orders and stuff, but we don’t actually go places.”

“Mmmm,” he hums, taking a sip.

“Why?”

There’s a pause.

“Nate Howe’s party is coming up,” he begins, hesitating. “I thought maybe you could make the desserts for it. Since you _are_ the expert and everything.”

I snort, imagining the conversation if I brought this up to Bodahn. I glance over at Anders and he looks a little embarrassed for some reason, not looking at me, and I start to feel bad.

“I can ask though?” I tell him. “It’s a special occasion, the owner might want the exposure.”

“It’s fine, if not,” he says, fiddling with his mug. “But…”

“But?” I prompt when he doesn’t continue.

“I wanted you to be there,” he shrugs, giving me a small smile.

I almost ask why he doesn’t just bring me as his date, but I guess it’s too soon to assume anything. I can’t help but feel a slight twinge of disappointment, though. It must show because he reaches out and brushes my hair back from my face, giving me a contemplative look.

“Soon,” he murmurs. His fingers feel so good in my hair that I close my eyes and rest my head against him, letting him continue. Is this what Woofy feels like whenever I scratch him? This is amazing.

Eventually, I feel a soft kiss pressed to my forehead, not realizing I had started to doze off.

“Sorry,” I chuckle, sitting back up and rubbing an eye.

“Are you tired? I can go home…”

“Nope, you just have magic fingers.”

He grins, lifting an eyebrow and I feel my face grow hot at the double entendre.

“Were you uh, planning on staying the night?” I’m really hoping I don’t sound too eager.

“Interested in more of my magic fingers?”

I laugh as he wiggles a few of them at me.

“Depends on where you’re using them.”

I bite my bottom lip, praying that I look sexy and not ridiculous, and it seems to work because the smile vanishes from Anders’ face and is replaced by a look of pure desire.

“How about we head to the bedroom instead of defiling your couch again?” he says gruffly, standing and reaching for my hand.

He practically drags me into the room, slamming the door behind us. His hands and mouth are on me a second later, pushing me none-too-gently towards the bed. I land on my back with a small _oof_ and he’s on top of me immediately, nudging me towards the middle.

We’re still fully clothed, and I start tearing at his shirt, tugging it off his body as he does the same with my own. He runs his hands appreciatively down my chest before leaning forward and taking a nipple into his mouth, sucking gently and causing my back to arch involuntarily. I let out a small cry, clutching the sheets to stop myself from grabbing his head.

“I have never been with someone,” he murmurs, moving to the other side, “who is so sensitive here.”

He begins teasing me with his tongue, wetting them thoroughly before blowing cool air across the top. The sensation is incredible, causing me to shudder at the slightest touch.

I hear him hum in approval before taking one in his mouth, sucking hard. I groan a little and see him glance up at me quickly. He sucks again, lightly grazing it with his teeth as he pulls away.

“Harder,” I gasp, clutching the sheets tighter.

He obliges, taking it back into his mouth, this time biting down harder as he draws back. I let out a strangled moan, finally giving in and gripping his head holding him in place as he relentlessly alternates between bites and licks.

“Fuck, I could…,” I groan again as he switches to the other nipple, “I could come just from this.”

Anders reaches down, massaging me through my pants and he lets out a small noise when he feels how hard I am. I expect him to take them off, but he lets me go, moving that hand up to work on the nipple not currently in his mouth. He gives it an experimental twist, which feels almost as good as his teeth and I let out another small cry when he does it again. My cock is throbbing in my pants, desperate to be touched, but he doesn’t give in, relentlessly twisting, biting and sucking with fervor. I’ve never felt anything like this. I start grinding my hips into his, determined to get off without him touching my cock.

“Be good, Garrett,” he murmurs, pressing my hips down with his hand.

“Just let me take them off…” I plead, reaching down to unbutton my pants.

“No,” he says firmly, pressing down on my hips again. I stop struggling and he lets go.

The assault on both is becoming too much, and I can feel myself drifting closer to the edge. He can sense it, adding small, eager noises every time he sucks. I’m gripping the sheets with one hand, the other still firmly clinging to his head.

My hips are moving of their own accord now and he’s doing nothing to stop it, raising himself just enough so I have nothing to actually thrust against.

“Fuck, Anders, please, _please_ ,” I wail, holding his head harder against my chest. He groans, biting down hard as he twists with the same intensity. The dual sensations are enough to send a shock down my body and right to my cock, and I cry out as I come in my pants.

Anders laps softly at them as my breathing returns to normal. He finally rolls off and settles next to me, and I look down and notice how red and swollen my chest is. Right before I notice the wet spot now staining the front of my pants.

“Okay?” he asks, running his fingers lightly down my arm.

“I’d say so,” I chuckle. “Although I think I need to get out of these clothes…”

I stand up, pulling off my shoes and socks. I notice Anders is watching me sleepily, and I decide it’s his turn to be teased. Maybe wake him up a little.

I stretch, running my fingers through both sides of my hair and making sure he gets a good view of my upper body. I grin at him, sliding my hands down my chest and hooking both thumbs into my waistband, pulling them down just enough to show a hint of my cock. His eyes are now trained on that spot, so I slowly move one hand over, reaching down inside to massage myself, rolling my hips slightly as I do so. I can hear the sharp intake of his breath as he adjusts himself on the bed.

I let out a small moan as I pull my hand out, wet and sticky from the mess, bringing it up to my lips, watching his eyes widen as I insert one, then two, fingers into my mouth, licking them clean. I close my eyes, making a show of enjoying it, and when I open them again, I see him unzipping his pants and reaching inside.

I run the same hand back down my chest, leaving a wet streak in its wake until I reach the fly again, finally unbuttoning them. I don’t pull them down yet, though, still teasingly lowering them so he can see just a hint more, enough so my cock would spring free with just one more tug. I see his eyes flicker up to mine once before returning, his hand now down his pants and moving slowly.

I’m still slightly hard, my orgasm before not intense enough to soften me completely. I let my pants drop and I kick them off, leaving me in just my underwear. He’s stroking a little faster, although he hasn’t taken anything else off or said a word. I start rubbing myself through the cotton, moving closer to the bed.

His mouth is slightly agape as he watches, and I can hear the faint huffs and whimpers are he strokes himself. I walk around to the other side of the bed, next to him, and he quickly flips over to face me.

“Sorry, dirty laundry pile is over here,” I purr, turning my back to him and gripping the waistband, bending over completely as I pull them down. I hear Anders groan louder behind me and I can’t help the smile that forms on my face. This is fun.

“Garrett…” he moans. I turn around and meet his pleading eyes before moving to his hand, now stroking himself furiously in his pants.

“Stop,” I murmur, pulling his hand out and quickly removing the rest of his clothing. “Come here.”

I help him to stand before getting down on my knees in front of him. He lets out a small noise, breath coming faster as he gazes down at me and begins touching himself again. I let my tongue reach out, just tasting the tip of his cock, but nothing else.

“Can I…” he begins, cut off by a moan as he makes a particularly strong stroke.

“You can do whatever you want,” I reply, running my hands down the sides of his legs.

“Stay…like that…” he grunts, eyes closing as he jerks himself roughly. I can see the tension forming in his body right as he looks back down and I brace myself for what I know is coming.

“Fuck, Garrett, _yes_ ,” he grits out. A couple more firm strokes and he’s coming all over my face. I grab him as soon as he finishes, taking the head of his cock into my mouth and sucking lightly, causing another spasm and thrust of his hips as he grips my hair before finally pulling out.

He grins, letting out a shaky breath before helping me to my feet. I begin wiping my face off with my boxers, but he takes them from me, pulling me into a deep kiss and licking my lips clean. He doesn’t say anything, though, and instead starts wiping my face for me. Apparently a lot more got into my hair than I realized.

He drags me back onto the bed and we fall in a tired pile of limbs together in the middle, facing each other and letting our hands lightly roam over the other’s body.

“So,” I begin, after a while, “was I good?”

Anders laughs, running his hand around and gripping my ass, pulling me towards him as he kisses me.

“ _Very_ good,” he murmurs. He slides the hand between us, feeling my softening cock and giving it a small squeeze. I groan, capturing his lips with mine again as I thrust into his grip. It doesn’t take long before I’m almost completely hard again, and he takes the opportunity to roll me onto my back, straddling my legs.

“I did promise something if you were good, didn’t I?” he smirks, now using his other hand to stroke his own hardening cock. He rolls off the other side, going over to the drawer where I keep the condoms before crawling back on top of me.

He takes it out of the wrapper and starts unrolling it onto my cock.

I didn’t think he was actually serious when he said that, and now I let out a whimper at the idea. He glances up at me, already coating his fingers with lube.

“Do you want me to—“

“Don’t want to wait,” he gasps, pushing what looks like two fingers inside his entrance. I reach out and lightly grip him, stroking as he slides the fingers in and out of his ass quickly.

“Ready?” he asks a few moments later.

“Are you?” I reply incredulously, sitting up and preparing to switch positions. Instead he pushes me back down, crawling forward so his ass is right over my dick.

“Stay there,” he growls, gripping my cock and slowly easing himself down onto it, a look of concentration and ecstasy written all over his face. I rest my hands on his hips, not moving until he’s fully sheathed inside me. _Fuck_ does he feel good.

He sits still for a moment, head drooped forward and breathing deeply as he allows himself to adjust, and it’s all I can do not to start thrusting into him. It’s been so long, and he’s so warm and tight. He lifts himself up once, carefully, before lowering back down with a groan.

“You look so fucking sexy,” I growl, gripping his hips tighter and thrusting into him. He lets out a yell, his head lolling back as he starts to move faster. One hand moved back to his cock, stroking himself to full hardness.

I drive my hips upward, meeting him with every downward motion.

“You…shouldn’t have to do the work,” I grunt out, thrusting my hips harder. I grip his waist more firmly and he gets the hint, holding still and letting me set the pace as I propel my cock into him rapidly.

“Fucking…perfect…” I moan, transfixed by my cock disappearing into his ass over and over. He’s letting out small cries as he strokes in time, his hand moving in a blur.

“Garrett, going to…come again…” he moans, eyes squinting shut as he concentrates. I’m pounding into him as hard and as fast as I can, not even sure how I can move this quickly but all I know is that he feels so fucking amazing that I can’t stop.

“Fuck, Anders, yes,” I pant, “your ass is so tight, I’m not going to last long.”

He lets out another long groan, hair sticking to his face and entire body coated in sweat, jolting with each impact.

“Come for me,” I urge him. “You look so hot touching yourself, I want you to come all over me.”

With one more forceful drive into him, he cries out, cock spurting thick ropes of cum all over my stomach and chest. It’s enough to send me over the edge for the second time as well, burying myself deep into his ass as I shout, arching my back.

He’s still stroking when I open my eyes, and a few seconds later begins grinding his ass back onto my softening cock.

“Garrett, fuck, one more…” he grunts as I slide out of him, hand moving furiously.

“ _Again_?” I moan. “How are you even…”

He makes an inarticulate noise in his throat, giving me a look that says _shut up and help me_.

I nudge him forward, just enough that the head of his cock touches my lips as he strokes. I reach one hand down and behind his legs, grabbing his balls and massaging.

“Does that feel good?” I murmur, watching him curl in on himself, almost in pain as his hand flies down the length of his cock.

“Oh fuck, oh _fuck_ ,” he cries repeatedly. It’s almost enough to make me hard again, but I don’t have nearly the stamina as he does.

“Come for me again,” I growl, rolling them in my hand. “Come all over me. You’re so fucking hot, I could do this all night.”

“Don’t…tempt me,” he grunts, with a small laugh.

I chuckle quietly, wanting nothing more than to take him into my mouth completely and give his arm a break. He slides back, though, out of reach, smearing the cum already covering my chest on the way down before letting out the loudest shout yet, coming across my chest and neck. I had no idea this would turn me on so much, but I love it.

He slumps forward, nearly falling over before I grab him and ease him onto his side next to me. He’s completely spent, panting, arms hanging limply next to him. I, on the other hand, am an absolute mess. While extremely arousing, I’m not going to sleep like this.

I think he may have fallen asleep, and I shift to get off the bed when he grabs my arm, smiling weakly.

“That was…”

“Yeah,” I agree, laughing softly. “But I’m a disaster and don’t think I want to sleep in it.”

“You’re fucking amazing,” he murmurs, running a finger across my chest.

“Interested in joining me?”

“Only if you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”

I gasp, laughing.

“Excuse me, _you’re_ one to talk!”

He grins, holding his hands out to me over the side of the bed.

“Alright, alright. Come over here and help me up. _B_ _oyfriend_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still here? *slow claps* 
> 
> Honestly, I feel like this is probably the worst smut in the whole series so far. No, no, you don't have to tell me if you agree! I just felt like I needed to say it. Maybe it's just me being hard on myself (no pun intended) at 1:30 in the morning, but *shrugs*.
> 
> Can I tell you how much I missed writing the whole group together? I will also mention that there were a few bits of foreshadowing in this chapter that you may or may not have picked up on right away (some were more obvious than others). 
> 
> I'm also really trying to show the disparity between how Garrett acts around his friends, and how he acts around Anders. He spends so much time thinking about how _Anders_ seems like two different people, without realizing he's doing sort of the same thing. Balance, Garrett. It's all about balance.
> 
> Just a reminder, there's a ton of wonderful and amazing [fanart](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/tagged/caught%20looking%20art) for this fic that doesn't always necessarily fit in with a chapter! These artists are all amazing :)
> 
> As always, I'm very interested in your thoughts! And thank you for all the kind words, encouragement, conversations, etc. etc. you throw my way :) Feel free to come bother me on [ tumblr! ](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of Nathaniel Howe's charity party has finally arrived - with both Garrett and Anders in attendance. The night does not exactly go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m subtitling this chapter “Mixed Signals.” Garrett, love, I’m sorry.
> 
> And for your reference, since I FINALLY have an official faceclaim for Anders (Gabriel Aubry), here are some lovely shots of our leading men in suits for the event ;)
> 
>  
> 
> [Garrett ](https://instagram.com/p/9uZr5olxtt/)
> 
>  
> 
> [Anders ](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/1c/ab/15/1cab1571da59bb5d7e1ca06909c6abd2.jpg)
> 
>  
> 
> I sure as hell hope none of the words got chopped out this time

I brought up the catering idea to Bodahn the next day at work, and as I expected, he wasn’t exactly thrilled.

“I don’t quite see the point, son,” he shrugs, crossing his arms. “We don’t need to advertise. I think we’re plenty busy.”

“I know, but…” I pause, trying to find the right words without begging. I mean, if it comes down to begging I’ll do it, but I’d like to preserve my dignity for as long as possible.

“But it’s for a good cause! It’s all going towards the uh…charity.” I have no idea where the money is going. It changes every year, and I haven’t really paid enough attention to find out what it is this time.

Bodahn raises an eyebrow at me, and I know I’m not exactly giving the most convincing argument.

“Look,” I sigh. “I’m willing to work extra to make the desserts, and I’m sure Bethany would too. It really _is_ for a good cause. I’ll…even work that night! Just to make sure everything goes okay.”

I give him what I hope is my most innocent and encouraging face, but the small smirk on his own pretty much tells me he can see right through it.

“Give me a contact number,” he relents. “Let me get some details.”

I want to hug him I’m so excited, but I hold myself back, giving him the biggest smile I can manage before I practically bounce back to the register. I text Anders quickly, asking what number to give Bodahn and refuse to elaborate on anything else.

Bodahn pulls me aside after the lunch rush and I leave Orana in charge of the front before I follow him to the kitchen. Sandal glances over at us briefly.

“So I talked to this…Anders, was it? About your party. He had wonderful things to say about your baking. And you.”

He tilts his chin up, giving me a knowing smile as I blush, trying to remain casual.

“Yeah, um—“

Bodahn holds a hand up and shakes his head.

“I don’t want to know, son. But either way, I’ve agreed.”

“ _Yes!_ ” I whisper, pumping my fist. Bodahn raises an eyebrow at me again. Too much? Maybe a little much.

“I have some suggestions on what to serve,” he continues. “But they agreed to go along with whatever we decide.”

He studies me for a long moment before clapping his hands together.

“Well, then, that’s that. I’m going to trust you with this, Garrett. Don’t let me down.”

He gives me a knowing look before giving Sandal a pat on the back and heading back to his office.

I’m grinning like an idiot and so excited I don’t know what to do first. Sandal is staring at me over his shoulder and I give him a quick pat on the back just like Bodahn before I go back to the front.

I take out my phone to text Anders the good news, but I realize that he’s already at the ballpark. I’d rather be able to tell him when he’s actually there to answer, so – as much as it’s going to drive me nuts all day – I decide to wait until tonight and tell him when he gets home.

* * *

Of course, the day drags.

I kind of knew it would, but God, getting through the next few hours feels like a lifetime. I do text Bethany, letting her in on the news and sweetly begging for her help on Sunday (which she readily agrees to). At least that’s one less thing on my mind.

By the time I get home I’m not any less impatient, mainly because I still have to wait another couple hours until Anders gets home. I don’t have _time_ to wait for time.

I grab my phone as soon as the game’s done, even though I know he won’t see my message for a little while.

 **Me:** _CALL ME ONCE YOU GET HOME very exciting news :))_

I go through my nightly routine of letting Woofy out and showering, and by the time I get ready to crawl into bed I finally get a message back.

 **Anders** : _hmmm I wonder ;)_

 **Anders** _: after-game meeting went long, be home in a bit_

I groan dramatically and drop my phone onto the bed next to me. WHY does the universe hate me when I have such exciting news??

Luckily it doesn’t take too long before my phone starts ringing, and I pick it up after the first few notes play.

“Hey,” I say excitedly, “guess what!”

“What did Woofy do this time?” comes Anders’ amused voice through the phone.

“I…what? It’s not about him!”

“It’s not?” he gasps. “Are you feeling okay, Garrett?”

I let out another impatient groan. “No. Bodahn agreed to let us cater the party!”

Anders laughs. “Garrett…you _do_ realize I’m the one he talked to, right? YOU gave him my number.”

“I…”

I had forgotten that, actually. _How_ did I forget that? I feel really stupid all of a sudden. Bye bye, excitement.

“I guess I got so caught up in it I forgot,” I mutter.

“Hey,” Anders says kindly. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m so happy you’re going to be there. _SO_ happy, you don’t even know.”

That makes me feel slightly better, but not much.

“Garrett?”

“Yeah?” I sigh.

“It’s going to be fun,” he reassures me. “You can see me be an idiot around all of my teammates. I…didn’t want to tell you about my conversation with your boss until he talked to you, in case he said no. I’m sorry?”

“You don’t need to apologize,” I tell him. “I really _am_ happy. It’ll be the first time we’re out someplace as a couple.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line, long enough that I wonder if we got disconnected.

“Anders?”

“Sorry,” he says quickly. “Got distracted for a minute. So what are you going to make?”

I start to get excited all over again, running down the list of desserts I’m considering. I ask him his opinion on them all, and we drift into mindless, casual conversation for the rest of the night.

* * *

The rest of the week goes by quickly, which I am more than happy about. Bodahn and I spent some time going over the desserts I think I want to make and I learn the hard way why we don’t normally cater – this is a shitload of work.

Even with Bethany and I working all day Sunday (with help from Sandal), we’re still there until about midnight before we decide to give up for the day. Bethany is working Monday, but I have off, even though I’m going to have to come in to finish packing up, regardless.

I’m exhausted by the time I get home Monday, and extremely happy when I realize I have enough time to take a nap before I need to get ready. I text Anders once I get home.

 **Me:** _So sorry, too tired to go tonight. RIP me_

 **Anders:** _excuses, excuses. are your clothes ready?_

 **Me:** _I washed my jeans and think I’m wearing my white Champions jersey instead of the red one_

My phone rings a second later.

“Garrett, you know you can’t wear that, right?” Anders says, slightly panicked.

“So I should wear the red one?”

“ _Garrett_.”

I start laughing hysterically. I’m blaming the three hours’ sleep I’ve gotten in the last couple days.

“Relax,” I say once I’ve gotten control of myself. “I’m wearing black dress pants and a white button-up shirt. Is that good enough? Beth even ironed them for me.”

I hear an audible sigh of relief on the other line.

“You have so little faith in me,” I continue, biting back another laugh.

“Garrett,” Anders begins, hesitantly. “I _know_ I don’t really need to say this but…you know you’re not allowed to bring Woofy, right?”

That makes me crack up all over again, and I have to put the phone down next to my ear while I roll on the bed in hysterics. I can hear Anders’ far away voice calling my name.

“Sorry, sorry,” I pant once I pick back up the phone. “Of course I wouldn’t bring Woofy, he can’t be around chocolate.”

Anders sighs loudly before chuckling a bit.

“What am I going to do with you?”

“I can make up a list…”

“I’m sure we both could,” he snorts. “I’m coming over tonight to help you get dressed.”

“You don’t need—“

“No arguments,” he says firmly. “Get some rest, I’ll be there in a few hours.”

* * *

“Garrett, can you _hold still_ for five seconds?” Anders gripes, trying to adjust my bow tie.

I don’t _do_ bow ties. But Anders insisted I dress myself up a little more, so I’m wearing one. For now. I have a feeling it’s coming off as soon as I’m out of the house. At least I don’t have to wear a full suit since I’ll be wearing my apron, but this tie is already driving me insane.

Anders, on the other hand, looks beyond amazing in his suit. It hugs him perfectly in all the right places and his pants might be just a little tighter than they need to be, but I doubt anyone is going to complain.  I convinced him to wear his hair down and he looks more like a movie star getting ready to walk the red carpet than a professional athlete.

He gives me a quick kiss on the lips before stepping back and looking me over.

“Not bad,” he nods, smirking. “I have a feeling you’re going to have a very busy night.”

“Are you going to keep me company?” I tease, wrapping my arms around his waist. His eyes flit away from mine and he laughs nervously before extracting himself from my grip.

“We should, ah…talk about that.”

“What?”

“It’s not a big deal,” he says quickly. “Just…you know how I told you how I like to keep my personal life private?”

I stare at him for a minute, a sinking feeling in my stomach.

“So, what…we’re supposed to pretend we don’t know each other?”

“Nooo,” he drawls. “Kind of? No, not really.”

He makes a frustrated noise and runs his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t want the gossip tomorrow to be about who I was flirting with, instead of how much money we raised. And you’re there for work. It probably wouldn’t look good, you know?”

I can tell he doesn’t really believe what he’s saying, but I nod my head in agreement anyway as I walk over to the mirror to tie my hair up. I’m back to not being excited about this at all.

I glance at Anders through the mirror as I tuck a couple stray pieces into my bun before turning back to him. He looks uncomfortable, pacing back and forth next to the bed. I don’t want to ruin the night for him, even though I make a mental note to talk to him about it later.

“It’s fine,” I say. “I don’t get why it’s such a big deal, though. But I guess I shouldn’t have expected to be announced as your…well, anything.”

 _It’s too soon_ , I tell myself. _You’ve been together for…what, a week?_

It doesn’t make me feel any better. Isn’t it usually at the start of the relationship where you tell everyone in sight that you’re together?

He looks slightly relieved at my words, yet guilty at the same time.

“I’ll still come talk to you,” he teases lightly, poking me in the stomach. “Let’s just not make out over the cake.”

“And ruin my one good shirt?” I scoff. “You’ll never take me anywhere again.”

“No, but I don’t think I’d mind licking that frosting off of you…” he grins, biting his lip as he leans in for a kiss.

I kiss him quickly before stepping away. “Let’s save that for _after_ the party.”

I leave before he does because I have to stop at the bakery and pick up the food. I’m pretty much a one-man show tonight, loading and unloading the truck, setting up the dessert station and then manning it for the entire evening. Bodahn _did_ give me off tomorrow though so I can sleep half the day if I end up as tired as I think I will.

I’m completely blown away once I get to the banquet hall. There’s not exactly a theme, per se, but it’s by far the fanciest place I’ve ever been in and now I’m starting to wonder if I shouldn’t have thrown my bow tie into the glove compartment before I came in. I stand around awkwardly and wait for someone to tell me where to go, and I’m finally greeted by a young-ish woman who spends a little too long looking me over.

I thank her once we reach my spot for the cocktail hour, but she lingers while I adjust the tables the way I want them.

“Are you working alone tonight?” she asks, giving me her most charming smile.

“I am,” I confirm, hoping that short answers will give her the hint that I’m not in the mood to talk.

“Well, if you need _anything,_ I’ll be nearby,” she purrs. She leans forward over the table a bit, in a move I’ve seen Bela make countless times. 

“Thanks.”

It takes her a minute, but once I don’t offer any more conversation, she finally leaves. I make my way outside to begin bringing in the food, sighing over what I expect to be a very long night.

* * *

From what Anders told me, there’s going to be a cocktail hour, a sit-down meal, and then dessert. I was asked to make a few light pastries for the cocktail hour, and then I get to slip away and eat in another room while the party-goers have their meal. Then, after a while, I get to make my grand reentrance (as I’m calling it) and bring out the real desserts.

I’m putting the finishing touches on the cocktail table when I see Nate Howe and his wife wander in, both surveying the room briefly to make sure everything is ready.

I suddenly feel a little light headed. Did they give me a chair? I need a chair. I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to sit on the floor right now, but it hits me all at once _how many_ of my favorite players are going to be in this room at the same time. WHY did I think this was a good idea?

 _Just smile, focus on the food, don’t make eye contact because you might faint,_ I start repeating to myself over and over. _And definitely_ don’t _crawl under the table and hide._

I can hear the first guests start arriving on the other side of the door and I try to make myself look busy as they enter the room, lots of impressed “oohs” and “ahhs” coming with them. I don’t recognize anyone, but after a bit I see Orsino, the general manager, walk in with Bran, both of their families trailing behind.

More people start trickling in and I must glance at the door every other second waiting for Anders to arrive. I know he was ready before I even left, _where is he_? I’ll feel much better just having him in the room.

People begin wandering over to my table, so I put on my best “everything is cool, Garrett” face and begin plating the food. Everyone (so far) is very polite, which definitely helps.

Raleigh Samson, one of the other outfielders, wanders in a bit later, tie slightly cockeyed and looking like it’s the last place in the world he wants to be. He makes a beeline for the bar as soon as he spots it and takes a seat.

I’m watching him with a bit of amusement when I hear whispering off to my side.

“Just go ask him,” a woman murmurs.

“ _You_ do it, you brought it up,” another one giggles in reply.

I glance over out of the corner of my eye and see two women, probably around my age, huddled together and looking my way.

“I don’t see a ring,” the first one whispers.

“And God, look at his _hair_!” the second one replies.

I stifle a sigh and thankfully I’m saved by a couple approaching the table. The man wants an extensive breakdown of everything in front of him, and by the time I finish explaining the other two women have walked away.

Everything quickly becomes a blur as more and more people crowd into the room, and it’s impossible for me to keep an eye on the door to see when Anders arrives. I’m happy I made more food than I thought I would need because things are going fast. Bodahn is going to be happy, though, I’ve gotten a lot of compliments.

I hand a plate over to another couple, smiling and telling them to enjoy the party when I glance up and see him.

Anders is just stepping inside – Justice at his side, as usual – when they stop. I see Anders looking around the perimeter of the room, and I decide to play it cool and pretend I didn’t see him. I start rearranging the food a bit on the table, and by the time I look up again, he’s gone.  

 _Shit_. I look around, but I can’t find him in the mass of people. I give up when more people arrive at my table, completely frustrated. Why did I have to pretend to be coy? He probably couldn’t even see me all the way back here.

I don’t know what tells me to look up a moment later, but I glance to my right and see Anders there, a glass of champagne in hand as he talks to a few people. He must see me as soon as I look over, because he takes a sip from his glass, giving me a wink at the same time.

I grin and look away, hoping the blush I can feel on my cheeks isn’t obvious. The butterflies are back in my stomach too, and it takes two tries to clear my throat before I can speak properly to the couple in front of me.

There’s not a whole lot of time left for the cocktail hour, and I was hoping to talk to Anders at least once before then.

I look up when I hear really loud laughter across the room and see Blackwall with his arms raised in the air, telling some (apparently hilarious) story to a large group of people. I’m a little scared…he looks like a huge bear ready to devour the poor old lady in front of him.

I’m so busy staring that I fail to notice someone at the table.

“Should I be jealous?”

I jump ( _very cool, Garrett_ ) and turn to see Anders grinning at me. He must have slipped away from his group because he’s alone, refilled glass in hand.

“Of Blackwall? I don’t think so,” I laugh.

“Mmmm, I don’t know,” he says, looking over at Blackwall, who now has his arm around one of the other players, pointing at him semi-drunkenly and telling another wild story. I don’t know what I expected him to be like, but this isn’t it.

“Maybe you want someone a bit…larger.” Anders’ voice drops on the last word, walking around the table to stand near me, back to the crowd. “I bet he could pin you down a lot easier than I could…”

I look around quickly, making sure no one is watching.

“How am I supposed to act normal with you talking like that?” I hiss, struggling to remain casual. Anders, on the other hand, just grins wider.

“So is that a yes or a no?”

“It’s a no!” I cry, flinging my arm out in exasperation and knocking over a tray of cream puffs. They go flying everywhere, and several people look over. I sigh, shooting him a look before crawling to pick them up. This isn’t humiliating or anything.

Anders puts down his glass, kneeling down next to me as I try to clean up the mess.

“Are you having a good time at least?” he whispers as we pick up the food. His tone has gone from teasing to nervous in a matter of seconds.

“I…guess?” I’m not having a bad time, anyway.

He glances at me quickly, nodding his head before standing back up.

“I’ll have to talk to you later,” he mutters, picking his glass back up and straightening his jacket. I look over and see some people walking towards him, regarding me for a moment.

“Causing trouble?” one of the men asks, laughing.

“Aren’t I always?” Anders replies smoothly, flashing him a grin.

“I have a friend over here who’s been dying to meet you,” the other man says. “You’re all she’s talked about all night. Gorgeous. She’s definitely…interested.”

Anders at least has the decency to pause before he answers, as I’m fighting back the bile in my throat. _Don’t do it_.

“Lead the way,” I hear him respond. I don’t even bother to look over as they walk away. I’m too busy trying to control the lurching in my stomach.

 _Is this how it’s going to be then?_ My head starts swimming with the most horrible thoughts I can imagine. _Why did I ever think this could be a normal relationship? Half the people in this room must want him…and could probably have him._

I bite my lip as I stand, hoping the pain will at least force back whatever else I’m feeling. I don’t want to look for him, but I can’t help it. I scan the room while I toss the dropped pastries into a bag, spotting him a fair distance away with the same two men and now two women. One of the women – the one I’m assuming the man was referring to – has her hand resting on Anders’ arm as she gazes up into his face, glowing with adulation.

I really feel sick, and I don’t know what to do. Anders didn’t seem to be giving her much attention, but it’s hard to tell from where I’m standing.

One of the organizers steps to the front of the room and announces that dinner is going to be served shortly. The main doors to the ballroom open and people began slowly making their way inside. I don’t know whether to sigh with relief that I won’t have to watch Anders flirting, or be nervous because I _can’t_ see if Anders is flirting. This night is rapidly going downhill.

As much as I don’t want to see anyone else hanging off of Anders’ arm, I look up again to see if he’s still in the room. He is – leaning against one of the doorframes now, surrounded by the same group of people.

And staring directly at me.

I do a double take when I realize it, and the corner of his mouth quirks up in a smile. My stomach starts fluttering again, although for a much better reason this time. I smile back, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear and try to look busy. The woman is clearly trying to get Anders’ attention, and I see her follow his line of sight over to me, frowning.

The room is empty enough now that I can hear the woman huff and the click of her heels starts fading into the distance. I look up one more time and Anders is laughing with one of the men as they prepare to leave. He throws a quick glance over his shoulder at me and walks away.

The doors close behind him and I rest my hands on the table, slumping forward. I have time; I can collect myself. There must have been some part of me that really thought Anders was joking…that he’d be as eager to spend time with me as I was with him, onlookers be damned. I was apparently very wrong.

Now that the dinner is starting I can relax a bit. There’s a small plate waiting for me in whatever back room I’m going to be escorted to wait in until dessert. Plenty of time to panic and convince myself that Anders wants to fuck half the people in that room. And I have to pretend he’s a stranger.

The thought is making me lightheaded again and I decide to slip outside for a breath of fresh air before I have my dinner. Maybe I should text Bethany. Or Fenris. Do I want sympathy or someone to tell me to get my head out of my ass?

I slip through the back of the main room and into the area where I first came in. It’s hot and not very refreshing outside, but I lean against the side of the building and close my eyes while I take a few deep breaths and try to calm myself down. My work truck is right in front of me, and I consider climbing in the back and waiting for this night to be over.

“ _Fuck_ ,” I groan, bending over and resting my hands on my knees. What am I going to do?

“Garrett?”

I look towards the door and see Anders stepping outside, shutting the door behind him before rushing towards me.

“Garrett, what happened?” he demands, concern and panic all over his face.

“I’m fine,” I sigh, standing up straight again. I refuse to meet his eyes, crossing my arms over my chest and staring back down at the ground.

Anders moves to stand in front of me, placing his hands on my hips while he waits for me to speak.

“Aren’t you worried someone is going to see you?” I ask bitterly.

“Garrett…” he sighs. “I told you it would be like this.”

“No, you didn’t,” I snap, finally looking at him. “You told me we couldn’t talk because people would say we were flirting. But it’s okay to flirt with other people in front of me?”

I can see the flash of anger in his eyes, but I don’t give a fuck right now.

“I wasn’t flirting,” he says through gritted teeth. “What was I supposed to say? ‘No thanks, I’m going to stay here and talk to my boyfriend all night’? Do you _know_ how fast that would blow up? Fuck, we _talked_ about this, Garrett!”

“No.” I push him away. “ _You_ talked about it. There was no discussion.”

I shake my head, suddenly really tired. “I don’t know if I can watch you like this.”

His face softens and I see his shoulders slump forward slightly. I don’t move, shoving my hands in my pockets and looking back down.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, taking a step closer. “Ka- Garrett…” he cringes. “I’m sorry. I’m not used to this.”

I stare at him for a minute. He looks really upset and I can already feel my resolve wavering. He puts his hands on my arms, running them up and down and giving me a pleading look.

“What can I do to make it right?”

I snort and wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him close. I suddenly just want to hold him and not let him go. His face lights up in happiness at my change of mood and I can’t help but smile a little.

“I don’t know,” I sigh dramatically. “I did have _quite_ a few people try and flirt with me tonight too, you know.”

He stiffens in my arms, squinting at me. I can tell he’s trying to decide if I’m teasing or not. _It’s not that fun, is it?_

“Including that one woman who’s in charge,” I continue. “What’s her name? She seemed _very_ eager to show off her…assets.”

“Hmph,” Anders huffs, scowling. “She should know you have no interest in _those_ kinds of assets. I hope you told her to back off.”

Wait, did I actually make him _jealous?_ I want to laugh, but at the same time can’t believe he has the nerve to even say that.

“Well, the person who _does_ have the assets I’m interested in has been a complete dick to me tonight, so I don’t know…”

I let my voice trail off as his eyes widen in hurt and disbelief.

“Garrett…” he whines, leaning forward to kiss me briefly on the lips. He doesn’t pull back much, pressing his entire body against mine so I’m sandwiched between him and the wall.

“Don’t be like this, love,” he murmurs, kissing me again.

What did he just call me?

“I…”

I open my mouth to reply but then he unbuttons the top two buttons of my shirt, pulling the collar aside so he can nibble his way down my neck.

“Anders…” I gasp, involuntarily tilting my head to the side to give him more access.

I can feel his laugh reverberate through my body and I let out a low groan in response. His mouth stops at the nape of my neck, biting sharp enough that I yelp.

“Shhhh,” he breathes, laving over the mark with his tongue before sucking gently. He doesn’t let up, one hand cradling my head as he sucks and kisses without pause.

“You’re going to leave a mark.” I’m panting now, knowing he should stop but not really wanting him to.

“That’s the point,” Anders breathes in between kisses. “You’re going to go back in there, with this peeking out of your collar…”

He grinds into me once, roughly, on the next kiss.

“And everyone will know,” he growls, “that you’re mine.”

I’m clutching on to him for dear life right now, both of us breathing heavily and slowly undulating against each other. He moves from my neck back to my mouth and we start kissing like it’s the only thing left in the world.

He finally breaks us apart, resting his forehead against mine as we try and catch our breath.

“You’re the only one I want, Garrett.”

I make some small noise of acknowledgment, my head swimming, and then I feel him pull back. He redoes my buttons, straightening my collar with a small smirk.

“Okay, it’s showing a little more than I meant it to,” he chuckles.

“ _What?_ ” I shout. My hand flies up to my neck, trying to feel for where it might be.

“It’s not a big deal.” Anders grins and runs his fingers through his hair. “But I need to get back inside before they send a search party.”

I nod, grimacing as I straighten myself out as well.

“So if anyone makes a comment, I can tell them that you ravished me in a back alley?” I glance at him, raising an eyebrow. I’m only half teasing.

“Ahhh, maybe not quite like that,” he laughs sheepishly. “But I promise I will come see you during dessert. With nothing clinging to me.”

I shake my head, sobering up abruptly.

“I still want to talk about this, you know.”

Anders sighs and looks at me impatiently.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There is,” I insist. Why is he so defensive if nothing’s wrong? “But we can wait until later. Just…I’m not going to forget it. Please?”

“Okay,” he says, waving a hand at me. “We’ll talk later. Just…I’ll come say hi after dinner.”

He offers me a small smile and then disappears back into the building, leaving me to collapse against the wall all over again. I don’t know how he can walk back in there so calmly because I definitely need a couple minutes to collect myself before I can even think about being seen by anyone else.

After making a quick stop in the bathroom (God, that hickey is a LOT more obvious than I was led to believe), I search for someone who knows what they’re doing so I can finally eat dinner. I’m not very hungry, but I know if I don’t eat something I’ll be a very unpleasant person to be around soon.

I eat quickly and take the opportunity to peek into the main room and see what’s going on. Anders is at one of the first tables, Justice and a few other players with him. He’s leaning casually in his chair, smiling and chatting with the others, but he seems distracted. He keeps glancing around the room like he’s searching for something.

 _Or someone_ , I think. Could he be looking for me? And how can he sit there so nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t just grinding against me and sucking my neck in an alley 20 minutes ago?

I’m not going to let myself think about it. I still have a really uneasy feeling in my gut about this whole thing, and dwelling on it is only going to make me feel worse.

I ignore the few other people in the back room and sit by myself, scrolling through my phone and checking the scores for some of the games being played tonight. There’s a lot of speculation about who’s going to be named to the All-Star teams in a couple days, although I know Anders is a shoo-in so I’m not overly concerned. There’s a good chance a few Champs will make the team since we’re doing so well this season, so that’s a somewhat happy thought on this not-so-great evening.

One of the coordinators comes and gets me after a while, letting me know dessert will be served soon so I should set up. They have a few tables on the side of the room for me to use so I start bringing out the trays and other displays and carefully begin arranging the food.

I did a lot of display towers. I wanted pretty much everything I served to be some kind of finger food – a lot easier for mingling and coming back for seconds. I opted for fancy mini cakes instead of cake slices or cupcakes. Chocolate-covered strawberries. Cannoli with two of my favorite fillings. Bethany suggested macarons, so we made them in a bunch of different colors. Bodahn insisted that I have a croquembouche at each end of the tables (he claims fancy parties love this sort of thing). I even added a really fancy spun sugar netting to go around each one. And my personal choice – the brownies I made for Anders that night in the bakery. I made the peanut butter topping as an option if people want it, sans ice cream. I thought it could be a little inside joke between us…and now I’m hoping he even remembers.

Having to place everything so carefully on the towers makes setting up a lot longer than it would have taken normally, but when I step back and examine my work, I’m pretty damn proud of myself. I think Bodahn would be too. Now…hopefully everything tastes as good as it looks.

I’m smiling when I walk back to the table, and I notice a lot of the guests looking in my direction. Anders is one of them, sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed, giving me a smirk. I’m suddenly really self-conscious. This is a LOT of people…a lot of _famous_ people suddenly staring at me. And potentially eating my food in a few short minutes. No pressure or anything.

I head to the backroom one more time to double-check my hair ( _and neck, let’s be real, Garrett_ ) before I straighten my apron and take my place behind the center table. There will be other members of the wait staff there to help clean up and run things out of the back if I need a refill, but I’ll be manning the table on my own.

Nate Howe heads to the raised platform where the band is playing and gives a small speech, thanking the guests for a fantastic evening. Apparently dessert and dancing will round out the rest of the party – which could easily go on for another couple hours. I sure as hell hope I made enough food.

People start wandering over as soon as he’s finished talking – at an alarming pace. I hear lots of appreciative murmurs as they get closer and I put on my best Charming Garrett smile to greet them. Luckily, I don’t have to do much since people can help themselves…just a little explaining here and there.

I see Anders lurking off towards the side, watching the entire scene with interest (and amusement). Howe joins him at some point, and I see him nod towards me with an impressed look. Anders stands up a little straighter and smiles, looking at me before responding. Anders didn’t…he couldn’t have told him, right?

I’m jolted from that thought by an older woman standing on the other side of the table.

“Excuse me?” I smile. I have no idea what she just said.

“I _asked_ ,” the woman grins, “if you’re included on the dessert menu, too.”

I turn about ten shades of red as I try to think of a response, but she just winks and walks away.

“I hope you told her no.”

I whirl around and see Anders standing at the end of the table, plucking a brownie from the tray.

“Mine?” he asks, raising an eyebrow as he takes a bite.

“Yours,” I confirm with a small smile. _He remembered_.

“You flirt.” He grins and moves down the table with his own plate, grabbing some of everything, before stopping in front of me.

“Just remember,” he says, eyes flicking to my neck. “I’m the only one that gets to taste you.”

He sticks a strawberry into his mouth, making a very lewd showing of licking the chocolate from his lips.

“I’ll stop by again in a little while.”

With another grin, he takes his plate and walks away, and I’m left with pants that are once again uncomfortably tight. Thank God for this apron.

There’s a steady stream of people coming and going, and I have to refill the trays more than once. Which is awesome, don’t get me wrong, but I’m starting to think I should have made more. I don’t know if I would have had _time_ to make more, but whatever.

I just finish rearranging some more of the cakes on the tower when I hear someone clear their throat in front of me.

“Hello.”

It’s Justice. Alone. And he’s…pretty fucking intimidating.

“Um…hi, can I, uh…can I help you?” _Jesus, Garrett, pull your shit together. Don’t mention Anders._

“You know Anders.”

 _FUCK_.

I go to rest my hand casually on the edge of the table and end up smashing it into a forgotten cake instead. Can I go home now? I need an adult.

“I…what makes you think that?”

_Be casual. You do NOT know Anders._

Justice just stares at me, unamused, and he clearly doesn’t believe a word I just said.

“Because _I_ know Anders,” he says simply. “And I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

I don’t say anything. What do I even say to that?

He takes a step closer, leaning slightly over the table. He points to the cannoli next to him.

“Pretend you’re explaining this thing to me,” he says in a low voice. I nod my head.

“I’ve noticed a change in him lately,” Justice continues. “Something I haven’t seen in a long time.”

He gives me a long look and I shuffle around a bit. Oh right, fake talking.

“I’m still not sure what you mean,” I respond, pointing to the brownies on his other side.

“Don’t. Hurt. Him.”

I freeze. _What?_

I gape at him for a minute before shaking my head slightly.

“I would never…why would you say that? If anything, he would hurt…” I swallow thickly, not bothering to complete my sentence. Justice looks a little taken aback by it, though.

“He cares for you,” he says after a moment. “Deeply. Don’t let this…” he looks over his shoulder at Anders, who has a group of doe-eyed women in front of him, “bother you. They mean nothing.”

I cock my head, looking at Justice curiously.

“Did he talk to you, by any chance?”

“About you? No.”

He takes a plate and places a few things on it before nodding his head.

“It was nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” I eek out as he walks away. He joins Anders, handing him the plate, which Anders takes with a confused expression. He glances over at me and I quickly look away, smiling at the next group of people to approach the table. This night is one big ball of discomfort.

Luckily, there’s a steady stream of people for a while and it distracts me. But as soon as I get a free moment I turn to look for Anders.

It takes me a minute, but I find him, sitting at another table with a different group of people. There’s also a woman with a very low cut dress leaning on his chair, her arm wrapped around his shoulder. I feel a sudden surge of jealousy run through me and my teeth clench. She’s twirling a piece of his hair around her finger as she laughs at something he says. He’s not paying her any attention, but he’s not stopping her either.

“What do we have here?” a gruff voice says nearby. I turn and look and see Samson stumbling towards the dessert, clearly drunk out of his mind. He’s squinting as he examines the food in front of him.

“What’s this?” he asks, poking one of the cakes hard enough that his finger goes right through.

“Ahhh…that’s vanilla cake,” I reply, taking the damaged piece of food and putting it on a plate, which I then hand to him.

He looks at it suspiciously, then up at me.

“Don’t want it.”

He tosses it onto the table, and the cake promptly flies off the plate and onto the floor. I’m resisting the urge to pick it up and jam it in his face, but before I have a chance Howe shows up at his side.

“Sorry about that,” he grimaces, gently turning Samson away. “Your food is amazing, by the way. I’ll come by and say a proper thank you in a bit.”

I just nod as they walk away, and notice Anders promptly come striding over.

“Is everything okay?” he asks with forced casualness, popping another strawberry into his mouth.

“Yeah,” I sigh. I need to wipe up the mess from where the cake fell, so I move around to his side and begin wiping it up. To my surprise, he kneels down next to me. I shoot him a confused glance, but he just smiles.

“I’ve heard some pretty nice things being said about you.”

“Oh?” I ask in disbelief, although it makes me really happy to hear it.

“Apparently everyone is very shocked you’re a chef and not a model,” he grins.

We both stand and I try not to look disappointed, but I don’t think it works. I don’t care what I look like…I want people to be happy with the food.

Anders catches the look, though and reaches out to touch my arm.

“Hey,” he says, giving it a squeeze. “I’m teasing. Well…they _did_ say that, but I’ve heard more about the food. You’re a big hit.”

I smile weakly at him and move back around to the other side of the table. He waits, a look of concern on his face.

“Are we okay?” he whispers.

I nod and give him another tense smile. I still have no idea how I’m supposed to be acting, so I guess I need to pretend like he’s just another guest.

“Yeah,” I reply, rearranging some food in front of me in an attempt to look busy. “I just didn’t think you wanted me to be too…friendly.”

He stares blankly at me for a minute.

“What did Justice say to you earlier?”

“In a nutshell? To not hurt you.”

He flinches and looks away, and my unease is growing the longer this goes on.

“We’ll talk later, okay?” he finally says, sighing. “I promise. Let’s just try to have fun tonight.”

Before I can respond a large, muscled arm is thrown over Anders’ shoulders.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had a thing for our chef here,” Blackwall laughs loudly, suddenly at Anders’ side.

Anders and I lock eyes briefly before I look away and he turns to pat Blackwall on the back, giving him a big grin.

“He works at my favorite bakery,” Anders laughs. I brace myself for the inevitable rejection.

“I’m also pretty sure most of the people in this room have a ‘thing for him,' anyway,” Anders says. “Can you blame them?”

Blackwall barks out a laugh and grabs a plate.

“Not my thing, but whatever floats your boat,” he replies. He glances at me as he piles brownies onto the plate. “I’ve heard plenty of sighing over you tonight, pretty boy.”

“What?” I ask dumbly. Blackwall lets out a roar of laughter and Anders and I exchange another look.

“Oh, I’m not repeating most of them,” Blackwall gasps through his laughs. I think he’s more than a little drunk, too. “Suffice to say, Anders here isn’t the only one who would like to make a move on you.”

“Will you keep your voice down?” Anders hisses, looking around. “I’m not making a move on anyone. I know him from the bakery, that’s it.”

Blackwall rolls his eyes. “The more you gripe, the more you convince me I’m right,” he says. “Look, I don’t give a flying fuck what you do. Just saying you might want to be a little less obvious.”

He gives me another pointed look, then grabs his plate and walks away.

I’m completely dumbfounded right now. I can’t even look at Anders, who hasn’t moved from his spot. Part of me is ecstatic over Blackwall’s words, but most of me is just confused. _What_ has he been looking at all night? Every time I saw Anders, he was being swamped by various beautiful women and having the time of his life. Not a mental image I needed again.

“Garrett?”

I look up and see Anders giving me another one of those pleading looks, and suddenly I’m annoyed.

“What?”

He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose, seemingly deciding against whatever he was going to say.

“I’m going to go get another drink, I’ll see you in a little while.”

He stalks off towards the bar and I watch him down several drinks in a row. That…can’t be good.

I still have a fairly steady stream of people stopping by, so I’m distracted. But it can’t be more than 15 minutes or so before Anders is back again.

“Those women were talking about you at the bar,” he grimaces, rubbing his neck. “I had to leave before I said something.”

Sure enough, I look towards the bar and see a couple young women staring in my direction, quickly looking away when they realize they’ve been caught.

“I can show them my neck if they come over,” I smirk.

He grins, a look of relief on his face. A look which is quickly replaced by something much more mischievous.  

“I could always give them a repeat performance,” he murmurs, leaning over the table towards me.

I glance around and notice several heads are turned in our direction. Several women are giggling as they cover their mouths in shock.

“You’re causing a scene,” I reply in a low voice. I try and look bored as I refill the tray of strawberries, but now all I’m thinking of is his mouth back on my neck. _Not the time, Garrett._

Anders curses under his breath and straightens up.

“Give me some food so it looks like I came here to do something other than flirt,” he sighs. I throw a couple things on a plate and hand it to him, and he makes a big show of eating.

“I’ll be back,” he says through a mouthful of food.

He walks away, heading towards Justice. I feel better seeing that for some reason. Justice will keep him in line.

As soon as Anders leaves, however, Nate Howe reappears in front of me.

“I said I would be back,” Howe grins. “Sorry about earlier, Raleigh has apparently been allowed unlimited drinks, despite what I told the bartender.” He grimaces briefly, but it’s soon gone.

“I’ve heard _excellent_ things about you, though,” he continues, smiling once more. “Anders did me a huge favor by taking care of this. Do you two…know each other?”

 _Shit_ , what am I supposed to say? I have no idea how Anders feels about Howe, or how much I should give away. I must pause a little too long because he’s now looking at me with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

“Yeah!” I say, loudly. Loudly enough that a few people nearby look over. _Overkill, Garrett. Take it down a notch._

“Yeah, I mean…sort of.” Good, my voice is at a much more reasonable level. “He comes into the bakery a lot, so I can’t help but see him.”

Howe nods, studying me.

“Well, be careful of that one,” he grins. “He’s a charmer. And I’m pretty sure he’s trying to charm _you_.”

My eyes widen and he must mistake it as me being offended because he starts waving his hands in front of him wildly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything. About either of you. It’s none of my business. Ah…shit.”

“It’s fine,” I smile. “You’re not the first one to say it. And I’ve seen Anders charm quite a few people tonight.”

“Yeah,” Howe replies, looking over his shoulder. Anders is standing with an attractive dark-haired woman and they both appear to be laughing at something he just said.

“We’ve been trying to hook him up with Josie for a while now,” Howe grins. “She’s our PR person. Apparently she’s taken quite a shining to him…but he doesn’t seem to be interested. I’m starting to think I know the reason why.”

He’s not looking at me, but he’s still smirking.

“She’s beautiful,” I respond, hoping I sound casual. “Anders has had plenty of girlfriends, I don’t think that’s the reason.”

“Huh?” Howe frowns, looking back at me. He opens his mouth tospeak when Justice makes a (this time welcome) reappearance.

“Nathaniel, your wife sent me to fetch you,” Justice says. I wonder if he ever laughs. Anders is hilarious, he _must_ be able to make Justice crack a smile. I make a mental note to ask him later.

Howe gives a long-suffering sigh and smiles.

“Sorry to cut our chat short,” he says to me. “But really, thank you for all of this. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name…”

“Garrett Hawke,” I smile. “And it was a pleasure.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Garrett.”

He nods at both Justice and me and walks away, leaving the two of us alone.

“Anders is drinking a lot,” I remark. We both look towards the bar, where Anders has returned, sans attractive lady friend. He drinks two more drinks in quick succession, shaking his head slightly after the last.

“What happened?” Justice’s voice is demanding, but he doesn’t look accusatory. At me, anyway.

“I have no idea,” I admit. “He’s bothered by something, but he won’t tell me.”

Justice stares at me for a few long moments and I mentally kick myself. I basically just admitted he was right about everything.

He doesn’t remark on it, though, just nodding his head and looking back towards Anders.

“It’s because you’re here.”

“Excuse me?” Anders practically _begged_ me to come, there is no way this is my fault.

“He doesn’t know how to act with you here,” Justice replies as Anders tosses back another drink. “This is difficult for him.”

“Hey, _he_ asked _me_ to cater this thing.” I probably sound really defensive right now, but I do not want this man to punch me in the face for some kind of supposed offensive behavior to his best friend.

“Did he?” Justice finally turns back to me, a look of mild surprise on his face. “Did you refuse to come as his date?”

I stare at him with my mouth open and I can only imagine what I must look like right now. Probably like one of those nutcrackers with a broken hinge.

“He…didn’t ask,” I finally mutter. “He said I couldn’t go as his date. Told me flat out. And said that he wants to keep us private. I don’t get it…if he’s uncomfortable with me here, then why did he tell me to come?”

Justice sighs and rubs at his temples with one hand.

“Let me go speak to him,” he finally says.

“My two favorite people!” a voice bellows behind Justice. Anders comes walking up, grinning, another glass in his hand. I didn’t even see him leave the bar.

“Anders…” Justice warns.

“Here, take this,” Anders laughs, pushing his glass into Justice’s hand. “You need to loosen up a little. I see you’ve met Garrett?”

Justice puts the glass on the table and glances at me.

“We’ve spoken.”

“Yeah,” Anders snorts. “I bet you have. How much have you told him?”

What’s he talking about?

“Nothing, and I’d recommend no more alcohol tonight.”

The two of them stare each other down until Anders finally breaks into a grin.

“You need the drink more than me, _Kristoff_. I’ll be a good boy. Until Garrett doesn’t want me to be.”

He gives me a wink as Justice groans and shakes his head. My hand goes to my neck subconsciously, which only makes Anders grin wider.

Justice pulls Anders aside, although they’re still within earshot.

“You need to speak to him,” Justice says.

“We’re fine,” Anders scoffs.

“Anders…you’re behaving erratically, and he doesn’t know why.”

Anders just makes a face at Justice and wanders back towards me, Justice trailing behind.

“I’m hungry,” Anders says, picking up yet another brownie. “Justice, you should use your mouth for chewing and not talking.”

“Just remember what I said,” Justice warns, and with a nod in my direction he leaves.

Anders rests a hand on the table and leans towards me, shooting me one of his most charming smiles.

“Hey stranger, what’s your name?”

I roll my eyes but can’t help but smile.

“Haven’t we done this before?”

“You know what I’d _like_ to be doing right now?” he purrs, leaning closer. “Looking at you wearing nothing but that apron.”

_Mental note for another night._

“Maybe not right now…”

“You’ve been hanging around Justice too much tonight,” he scoffs. “No fun.”

“Let’s save the fun for when we’re not surrounded by 300 people.”

“That makes it even _more_ fun.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me and looks so absolutely ridiculous that I burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

The woman Howe pointed out earlier – Josie? Was that it? – comes gliding over in her fancy silk dress and bright smile. She tucks her hand in the crook of Anders’ arm and looks between the two of us.

Anders’ smile becomes strained, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“Hi darlin’,” he smiles. “Just telling the chef here a funny story.”

Okay, “ _darlin’?_ ” Seriously?? It’s a little unnerving how easily he can slip back into this other persona.

She gives me a slightly condescending smile at the words.

“I’ve heard _such_ good things about you tonight!” she gushes. “I can barely make toast without burning the place down. I was just telling Andy a story earlier…”

I zone out as soon as I hear “Andy.” Anders grimaces at the name, but doesn’t correct her, giving her his full attention as she babbles. He even gives her nose a little squeeze at one point and she lets out this disgustingly cute little laugh.

She just keeps on talking and I keep on not listening, biting back about 15 different sarcastic remarks that would easily give us away. Justice says, “don’t worry” but he doesn’t have to watch his boyfriend repeatedly flirt in front of him.

“You’ll have to excuse me,” I hear Josie finally say. Guess that’s my cue to pay attention again, so I give her a small smile.

“Enjoy the rest of your night,” she says with a little wave. Anders stays behind and waits until she’s out of earshot before turning his attention back to me.

“Don’t hate me.”

“Fuck, Anders, _really?_ ” I hiss, trying to keep my voice low. “I already knew she had a thing for you, but you don’t exactly look like you’re resisting.”

He rolls his eyes at me. How many times tonight has he done that?

“She’s a good front, Garrett. If people think I’m interested in her, then they won’t realize I’m really interested in _you_.”

I take a deep breath and hold it for a couple beats before letting it out again.

“You need to walk away right now before I say something I regret.”

Anders looks like he’s been punched in the gut, and I don’t feel the least bit sorry.

“Garrett…”

“The longer you stay, the worse you’re going to make it.”

I glance at the clock. I technically only have to be here for another half hour. I can do this.

Anders seems to accept his defeat and that disturbingly blank look reappears on his face.

“Should I come over tonight, or are you tired of me?”

“Anders, that’s not what I…” I sigh. “I’m not tired of you, I’m tired of _this_.”

I gesture to the crowd and he nods slightly

“But yes, I’d like for you to come over tonight.”

“Okay,” he says, expression unchanging. “I’ll see you later.”

He turns on his heel quickly and stomps away, back over to Justice. They exchange words – slightly heated ones, from what I can see over here – and Anders finally walks away. He finds Howe and speaks to him also, before storming out the door. Did he just…leave?

Justice and I lock eyes briefly and I shrug. Whether it’s in apology or confusion, I’m not really sure, but I don’t feel like explaining the private details of our conversation to anyone. He gives me a similar look but that’s it, and I turn my attention back to the table.

People are starting to leave in larger numbers, so things slow down for me a lot in the next half hour. Which is fine with me. I’ve been ready to get out of here for a while.

Luckily, clean up takes a lot less time than set up. Howe comes by one more time with his wife and says thank you. Any extra food is being donated to the local shelters, so all I have to do is pack up the displays themselves and I can go. After a quick switch of vehicles at the bakery, I finally, _finally_ head home. This night did not turn out like I had hoped. At all.

As I pull up to my apartment, though, I see something on my front step. A person-shaped something.

“Anders?” I call, stepping out of the car. He’s sitting hunched over on the step, arms folded across his knees and his head resting on them. He’s still in his suit…did he come straight here?

He looks up when he hears my voice and God, he looks exhausted.

“How long have you been sitting here?”

“No clue,” he says, giving me a weak smile. “A while.”

“You didn’t go home?”

“I had no idea what time you were getting home,” he says, picking at some invisible lint on his pants. “I didn’t want to miss you.”

I sit down next to him on the step, mirroring his position.

“You could have come over whenever. Not like I’m going anywhere.”

He doesn’t respond, and we sit in silence for a minute. I’m tired, and I need to let Woofy out, so I finally stand.

“Are you coming in?”

Anders looks up at me uncertainly.

“Do you want me to?”

I sigh, running a hand over my face.

“Yes, I want you to. We can talk tonight if you want. Or we can just sleep. I don’t care, I’d just really like to get out of these clothes.”

Anders nods and stands. Something must really be wrong for him not to make a joke out of that.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I have something I want to ask you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, I toned down the angst a lot in this chapter cause it wasn’t working for me. Is it still angsty? I have no idea. All I know is I want to wrap Garrett in blankets and give him lots of cuddles. 
> 
> And Anders…Anders needs to get his head out of his ass cause he's risking an awful lot right now. 
> 
> I really liked writing the Justice/Garrett scenes. And Blackwall! Who would’ve thought he’d be the life of the party?
> 
> This chapter was also supposed to have a whoooole other scene at the end (what Anders wants to talk about) but it was long enough, so that conversation is going to be its own chapter. Much, much shorter than this. 
> 
> This is a type of [ croquembouche](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/fd/ea/d1/fdead13e256e66f07f8792267a2a083f.jpg) if you’ve never seen it. It’s delicious. 
> 
> Questions? Comments? Kudos? I love all of the above. Come bug me on [ tumblr](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) if you'd like.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett confronts Anders after the party, and Anders has a question for Garrett.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for this taking two months to update, but most of you probably know I spent the last month writing an entire other novel in itself about these two, so I'm going to excuse myself a bit, lol. 
> 
> I had originally wanted to end the last chapter with this scene, but I thought the way it finished was more natural. So this is sort of a shorter, in-between chapter (cause 3.4k words is short for me, apparently).

Anders follows me through the door and we’re both greeted by a very enthusiastic dog. Woofy is thrilled that I brought Anders with me (and that I’m home in general) and he’s jumping all over us. I’m too tired to scold him and Anders, shockingly, just pets him until he calms down.

“Do you want some water or…something?” I ask, wandering towards the kitchen.

“Yeah, alright.”

We both drink a glass and stand there, sort of awkwardly avoiding eye contact in silence. What the hell is going on?

“I…have to go let Woofy out,” I finally say. “Do you want to shower? Or, I don’t know. Just pick a spot for us to talk?”

“Yeah, I’m going to wash up real fast, go ahead.”

He turns abruptly and walks into my bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I have no idea what to make of this situation. I let Woofy outside, sitting on the back step while I wait for him to finish. I figure Anders could use a little time by himself right now.

When we head back in I see Anders sitting with his back to me on the edge of my bed, shoulders slumped and head down. I throw Woofy a couple of treats in the living room, closing the bedroom door to keep him out. Anders looks up when he hears the click of the door behind me.

“Hey,” I begin tentatively.

“Hey.”

He smiles, and I feel slightly more at ease. I start unbuttoning my shirt, noticing the way his eyes follow my every move.

“Are you planning on staying?” I ask casually as I make my way to the dresser. I pull out a pair of pajama pants for myself and hold up a pair for him as well.

“Maybe.”

I just shrug, tossing the extra pants next to him on the bed before quickly shedding myself of these awful clothes. Would it be wrong to burn them? I feel like I should burn them. I definitely don’t want to see them again for a long, long time.

Once I’m changed, I turn back to Anders, and he looks so miserable I’m starting to feel really bad for him.

_You were the one who was hurt, here_ , I have to remind myself. It would be so easy to smile and forgive him for everything, but the gnawing in my stomach stops me. The gnawing and the mental image of Anders flirting his way across the banquet hall for 5 hours while he pretends to barely know me. There’s also that.

Neither of us says anything, though, and I’m getting really tired of the silent treatment, but I don’t feel like I should be the one to speak first. I do anyway, though, because part of me wants to make this right and part of me just really, really wants to go to sleep.

“So, what are we doing?” I sigh, leaning against the dresser.

Anders shrugs, almost disinterestedly.

“I’m not really sure what you want me to say other than ‘I’m sorry,’” he says. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you…even though apparently I did anyway.”

I just stare at him in disbelief for a minute because HOW can he not realize what he was doing? I’m so baffled I can’t even respond. Does he not realize how shitty he behaved almost the entire night? I’m trying to form a coherent sentence and end up bursting into laughter instead.  

“Are you _really_ serious?” I exclaim. “Can you put yourself in my shoes for _five_ _fucking seconds_ and think about how you would feel if it was the other way around?”

“You mean if I came into the bakery and you pretended you didn’t know me?” Anders snorts. “I wouldn’t care, Garrett.”

I pace to the other side of the room and thump my head against the wall for good measure. I’m dreaming, right? He’s either in complete denial or he’s really this dense, and I refuse to believe the second one.

“It’s not the same and you know it,” I respond. He just shrugs again and starts fiddling with his fingers without saying another word.

“I just…” I pause, trying to think of a comeback when I really just want to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. “I wish I knew what you were thinking because it makes absolutely no sense to me.”

“I was there doing what I was _supposed_ to be doing, Garrett,” he retorts, voice raising. “I wasn’t there to hang out next to the dessert table the entire night. I was there to socialize and pretend I give a shit about 90 percent of those people.”

“And that includes flirting with anyone who remotely shows interest?”

“I wasn’t _flirting_ , I told you that!” he hollers. “I was just being polite.”

“You were absolutely flirting,” I shake my head in disagreement. “And then you had the nerve to get jealous when you saw even a _hint_ of someone wanting to do the same with me. How is that fair?”

His eyes narrow at me and he looks like he’s going to say something, but he ends up sighing and looking down at his hands again.

“You’re missing the point,” he says. “I was just acting the way I was supposed to. You can accuse me of whatever you want, but you’re making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be.”

“So now this is MY fault?” I shout, stepping closer. Who is this person in front of me?

“I think _you’re_ the one missing the point,” I continue. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this angry.

“You don’t act that way in front of someone you supposedly care about. You don’t brush them off as ‘nobody’ every chance you get. And you sure as hell don’t blatantly flirt with someone _you know_ is interested in you right in front of your new boyfriend! How are you not seeing what’s wrong with all of this?”

“But I _told you_ none of that means anything!” he argues, pleading with me with his eyes. “It’s just for show! If everyone thinks I’m interested in her, they won’t even think twice when I talk to you.”

“So you’re admitting it now.” I let out a deep breath, running my hand through my hair. “Why does what they think even matter? Why are you so ashamed of me that you need to make up lies?”

Anders’ eyes grow wide and he jumps up from the bed, crossing the space between us in a couple long steps and grabbing me by the shoulders. He stares at me deeply for a moment, and I feel like there’s a wall that’s just about to break.

“I’m _not_ ashamed of you, okay?” he whispers. “I’m never ashamed of you. You have to understand that.”

“You could have fooled me,” I mutter, shrugging his hands off. The hurt in his eyes is incredible as he steps back, lowering them to avoid my stare.

“I shouldn’t have even been there to begin with,” I sigh, moving to sit down on the bed. “As soon as you said we couldn’t be seen together…I should have known how this would turn out. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into it.”

“Garrett…” he begs, sitting next to me and taking my hand. “I wanted - _needed_ \- you there, that’s why I asked. I don’t know how else to— “

“Justice said you needed to explain something to me,” I cut in, suddenly remembering. “What was he talking about?”

Anders blanched, pulling back a bit.

“I’m not…sure…”

“Yes, you are,” I insist. “What is it?”

He hesitates, looking away for a minute. He finally shakes his head again, closing his eyes briefly before meeting my gaze.

“My last real relationship ended very badly. He’s afraid I’m going to get hurt again.” He grips my hand tighter. “ _Please_ don’t make me explain any more right now, Garrett, I can’t. Please.”

I have no idea what to do right now. I’ve never seen him look like this and it’s kind of freaking me out a little, I can’t lie. I’m not good at comforting people to begin with, and this…what the _fuck_ could have happened to make him this upset?

And now I’m starting to feel guilty on top of everything else. Maybe I _am_ making a big deal out of it. Maybe this is what it’s like to date someone in the public eye, always having to lurk in the background and ignore all the little innuendos and games. But part of me doesn’t think that’s true, and it doesn’t sit well with me at all.

“Anders…” I begin, abruptly.

_Don’t bring this up, Garrett. Now’s not the time._

I push the rational part of my mind away. Anders is looking at me expectantly, so what the hell…might as well get this out in the open.

“Do your teammates know that you’re…well, you know…”

_Smooth, I can’t even say it._

“That I like to fuck men?” Anders asks with a wry smile. He shrugs. “Maybe? I didn’t exactly call a team meeting the first day and announce that I like dick.”

I snort in spite of myself, but Anders doesn’t look very amused so it dies quickly.

“I mean…I got the impression that it was sort of…known?” I say delicately. “Blackwall and Howe and Justice all kind of implied things and seemed okay with it.”

“Justice knows,” Anders replies stiffly. “Anyone else? Don’t know, don’t care. Everyone needs to stay the fuck out of my private life. And yours.”

What does my private life have to do with anything? Does he really think any of those people gave a fuck about me? I’m sure all I looked like was some pathetic chef, awe-struck around all these famous people and thrilled that one in particular paid me some minor special attention. They probably forgot who I was as soon as they walked away.

I’m trying hard to wrap my brain around all of this but I’m really just too damn tired and only making myself more upset. I run my free hand down my face, struggling to think of something to say, but all I feel is the knot twisting in my stomach and alarm bells going off in my head that something here isn’t right.

“Alright, so let me get this straight,” I begin slowly. “You weren’t flirting with anyone on purpose because you were just being nice and acting the way you were ‘supposed’ to. I shouldn’t be upset about that, even though _you’re_ upset at people flirting with _me_ , despite me showing no interest.”

I look at him, ticking things off on my fingers while he stares in stony silence.

“I’m making a big deal out of this when you didn’t do anything wrong because you have some kind of tragic backstory that I know nothing about. And you’re not ashamed of me, but you’re going to hide me from the world…even though your teammates probably already know you like men, and you supposedly don’t care what they think anyway. Did I get all that right?”

“You don’t have to be so sarcastic about it…”

“I’m not being sarcastic; I just want you to see how ridiculous this all sounds.”

“It sounds…confusing,” he agrees.

“And honestly, I don’t believe half of it.”

_Fuck_.

Anders recoils from me slightly and I can feel the sting of my words. I open my mouth to apologize, hoping I can undo some of the damage, but he speaks up before I can say anything.

“Fair enough,” he says quietly. “But let me prove it to you.”

“Prove what to me?”

“That I’m not ashamed of you.”

“You could have done that tonight,” I grimace. “But you chose not to. Now you’re…what? Going to bring me to the mall?”

Anders pulls his hand back and sighs, and I immediately feel horrible all over again. Why am I talking to him this way? I’m _never_ this obnoxious…and I don’t like it. But I also can’t remember the last time I was this hurt, either.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter. “I’m just tired and upset. Maybe we should have had this conversation in the morning after we both calmed down.”

He doesn’t say anything, which I’m taking as agreement.

“I did want to ask you something,” he finally murmurs. “Not sure how interested you’re going to be in it now, though.”

He pauses, glancing at me with a mixture of sadness and apprehension before snorting out a laugh and shaking his head.

“I’m not even sure you’re going to talk to me again after I leave tonight, the way you sound right now.”

He stands up, one hand on his hip and the other rubbing the back of his neck as he paces next to the bed. I sigh, reaching out for his hand and pulling him towards me.

“Of course I am,” I whisper.

He stands in front of me silently as I play with his fingers. I want to say something else to reassure him, but anything I come up with either sounds too desperate or too insincere.

“You know I think you’re really cool, right?” I blurt out.

_WHY, Garrett._  

He bursts out laughing and I let go of his hand, groaning. I’m going to need them both to dig a deep enough hole to hide in after this.

“Just ‘really cool’?” he grins, standing between my legs so I can rest my head on his stomach. He starts combing his fingers through my hair and I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him close. We stay like that for a minute or so while I let my embarrassment die down.

_This is what I want_ , I think contentedly. _Just to stay like this_. Is it possible to, I don’t know…wipe this entire day from our minds and pretend it didn’t happen?

“Garrett?” he whispers, dragging me from my thoughts.

“Hmm?” I respond, turning my face to press it more into his shirt. He smells like a mixture of alcohol and his cologne, and for some reason, I can’t get enough.

“Let me go for a second,” he chuckles, trying to disentangle himself.

“Nope.” I just wrap my arms around him tighter. He’s going to want to talk about _things_. I don’t feel like talking…I feel like hugging.

“How would you like to go to the All-Star Game?”

That gets my attention and I let go, pushing myself back so I can see him clearly.

“…What?”

“Do you want to go to the All-Star Game?” he repeats. “With me?”

“ _WHAT?”_

“Should I say it a third time?” he asks, biting back a laugh. I can’t really blame him because I’m sure my expression must be absolutely ridiculous right now.

“I just…I…but…”

I swear I know how words work.

“But it’s in Antiva!” I finally manage to get out.

“Yes…” he says slowly, nodding. “Is that a problem?”

“No!” I jump up, turning in circles trying to decide what to do.

The All-Star Game! It’s next to impossible to get tickets – I remember all too well from the last time it was held in Kirkwall, about ten years ago. We must have entered every contest, giveaway and waiting list possible but still came up short. Players, coaches, and other VIPs get preference, then season ticket holders, then whatever’s left goes to us ordinary people in a lottery.

Which means Anders must have already been told he was selected – not that I had any doubts – even though the teams haven’t been announced yet.

“So…is that a yes, or…?” Anders asks, stepping out of my way.

“Are you kidding?” I laugh. “ _Of course_ I want to go! How many tickets did you get?”

“Plan on bringing a date?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“What?” I look at him, frowning. “No, I was just wondering.”

“I get as many as I ask for. I didn’t think I needed more than one.”

I’m…actually kind of conflicted. Part of me knows how much Bethany and Carver would love to go with me, but I don’t think it’s right to ask to bring them along. Plus, do I really _want_ them along? At the same time, though, am I going to get to a foreign city and be ditched like I was tonight?

“Garrett?” he prods, confused. “What’s wrong? If you don’t want to go, I’ll understand…”

“No, no,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “It’s not that. I just, um…can you give me some more details? Like how many days and stuff? I should know…for work,” I add hastily.

He doesn’t buy it, but he nods his head anyway.

“Sure, although it’s kind of up to you. I won’t be able to fly out until Sunday evening, at the earliest, but you’re welcome to leave earlier and I’ll meet you there.”

I shake my head no, and he looks conflicted, like he wants to say something but he changes his mind.

“Well the Futures Game is on Sunday. If you’re interested in that, I can get you a ticket. I’m not sure if I’m leaving Sunday night or Monday morning, but Monday is the open practice and the Home Run Derby.”

“You’re definitely in that, right?” I grin, teasing.

“Yeah,” he laughs rolling his eyes. “But I’ll be there for practice anyway, so I’ll stay and watch. You have a ticket for that too, if you want it. Then the game itself on Tuesday, which obviously you’ll be going to. Wednesday and Thursday are free, so we can go sightseeing or head back to Kirkwall early and enjoy some time alone here. Thursday afternoon would be the latest we fly out though, since I have a game Friday.”

It sounds perfect and amazing and GOD do I want to go. But…

“So, um…” I begin, scratching my beard. “When you’re not actually doing baseball stuff, what are you going to be doing?”

“Whatever you feel like doing. I don’t have other plans.”

“We can go places? Together?”

“Unless you’d rather go alone,” he responds with a smirk. “I can be lazy in the hotel all day, I don’t mind.”

Something flickers across his face and he looks away briefly. I can feel my stomach clench, but just as fast as it appeared, it’s gone, and he flashes me another bright smile.

“Well?”

“I can’t believe I’m going to the All-Star Game,” I grin.

He laughs and walks over to me, and I loop my arms over his shoulders.

“Thank you,” I whisper, giving him a soft, lingering kiss. He returns it eagerly, hands snaking down to grab my ass and pull me flush against him. I let out a small noise of surprise and he breaks the kiss with a small chuckle.

“I’m not going to ask if I’m forgiven,” he murmurs, nuzzling my beard with his nose. “But I hope this makes you feel a little better.”

I sigh, trying to give him a reassuring smile. I still feel uneasy about the whole situation and I _want_ to get a straight answer from him, but I know at this point it would just make things worse.

“So, were you planning on telling me this tonight anyway or is it your idea of a last minute apology?” I tease, giving him another small kiss. Hopefully he can’t sense how much I really want a genuine answer.

“I was _planning_ ,” he says in a low voice, gripping my ass tighter, “on taking you home after a lovely evening, fucking your brains out, and _then_ asking you. But since things didn’t quite go as planned…”

Aaaand my brain is done for the day.

I kiss him again, undoing the top two buttons on his shirt.

“I don’t want to talk about that anymore tonight,” I hum, pressing kisses to his neck as I continue to undo the rest. “We can worry about it later.”

I peel his shirt off, planting kisses across his shoulder as he lets out a small groan.

“How about we focus on the middle part of your plan instead?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm curious what everyone thinks after (somewhat) hearing Anders' side of the story. I know most people were pretty firmly planted on Garrett's side, so does this change any minds? It's not fair of me to say where I stand since I know what's going to happen, lol. 
> 
> Hopefully this will tide everyone over until the next chapter, in which yes, we're going to Antiva. I'm already about 2k words into it and it's shaping up to be another ridiculously long one. Knock on wood I can keep going at this pace! (Totally just jinxed myself, didn't I?)
> 
> As usual, comments/kudos/etc. always appreciated <3 and you can find me [here on tumblr. ](draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett's still not quite comfortable after his last conversation with Anders, so he asks for advice from a couple trusted friends before their trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read, let me just start by saying no one is leaving Kirkwall in this chapter. If you follow me on tumblr you've probably seen me explain a hundred times how ch. 14 was supposed to be the entire trip but it quickly got out of hand so instead it'll be spread out over 3 chapters. Hopefully that's a good thing...I can't control what Garrett does, it's like he has a mind of his own. This is also the shortest chapter of the 3 so...there's that.

“You’re going _where_?” Bethany shouts a couple mornings later. The tray of muffins she was carrying nearly goes flying as she whirls around to gape at me.

“Yep,” I grin, leaning against the counter. “We’re leaving either Sunday night or Monday morning, then coming back probably on Thursday. We’re getting a fancy hotel room and going sightseeing and I can have tickets for all the events if I want,” I finish proudly.

“Garrett!” she whines, smacking me on the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me! Can you sneak me in your suitcase? I want to see Antiva!”

“Sorry, Bethy.” I shake my head solemnly. “There’s going to be some very adult things happening in that bedroom.”

“But Garrett! It’s the _All-Star Game_!” She sort of does this whole limp flailing motion with her body as she pouts. “Can’t Anders get more tickets?”

I sigh to myself. He _could_ , that’s the thing.

“Probably,” I say slowly. I need to say this without offending her. “But…I don’t know, I don’t really feel right asking him. Plus, you’d probably be on your own for a hotel room and airfare and all that kind of stuff and that gets expensive…”

“I guess so,” she frowns, unconvinced. Suddenly her face lights up.

“Can I _please_ be the one to tell Carver? He’s going to freak out!”

“No way! I’m telling him!” I laugh. “He’ll be ten times angrier hearing it from me, I can’t pass this up.”

She rolls her eyes and smiles as she picks the tray back up.

“I expect lots of pictures, then. And presents.”

“That I can do,” I grin. I turn on the coffeemaker and start getting everything else ready before we open.

The last couple of days with Anders have gone…okay. There’s still been a bit of tension, but we haven’t actually _seen_ each other since that night. He has a day game today, though, so he’s going to come by my place once I’m done work. He’s leaving tomorrow for a road trip and won’t be back for a week, so we’re going to try and fit in whatever time we can before he goes. Knowing him, that will mean a quick dinner, something that resembles watching TV, and then he’ll drag me to bed…if we even make it that far. Not that I’m complaining. 

But they’re also announcing the All-Star rosters tonight on TV, so he’s going to have to wait until that’s finished, regardless of what his plans are. It’s going to be a very surreal experience this year, to say the least, listening to them announce Anders’ name with him sitting beside me.

How did this even happen? It’s times like this when I step back and wonder, “what the fuck has happened to my life? This isn’t real…I’m going to wake up soon, right?” And then Woofy will give me a little whine and I'll realize I’m talking out loud again.

Regardless how excited I am about them, Anders doesn’t seem too interested in the announcements. But I watch the press conference every year so I'm not letting him mess with tradition. I guess he’s used to all this stuff by now, but I’m even more invested than usual this time around. I want to know who I’m going to see! Who will Anders be throwing to? How many Champs will get picked? This is _important stuff_.

But first, I need to make it through my shift.

“So, you never actually told me about Monday in detail,” Beth says, suddenly right behind me.

I shout in surprise and smash my elbow into the cart next to me, yelling again. It’s loud enough that Sandal pokes his head out from the kitchen in curiosity until I wave him away. Beth is completely unmoved by my tragic accident, smirking as she waits for an answer. I’m going to _bruise_.

“I told you enough,” I sulk, rubbing my arm.

“You barely told me anything,” she responds, side-eyeing me as she waves a spoon in my direction. “You said it was really busy, there were a ton of people and everyone loved the food. That’s next to no details at all, Gare.”

 _Probably because I’m still trying to forget it even happened_ , I think. I’m really hesitant about saying anything, although if I _was_ going to tell anyone, it would probably be her. Fenris too, eventually, but he wouldn’t offer much in the way of sympathy and I think that’s what I need right now.

“Alright, you want the real story?”

Beth nods her head eagerly, face lighting up. Poor thing, she has no idea what she just got herself into.

“Let me give you a hypothetical to start,” I begin as she hops up on the counter. We don’t have a whole lot of time but hopefully I can make this quick.

“So, let’s say you’ve just started dating someone and you’re really into them. They’re really into you, too. Or so you think.”

She tilts her head a little, giving me a suspicious look.

“Now, let’s say you’re out in public together. Even though no one there knows you’re dating, is it okay to flirt with other people in front of your new boyfriend?”

Beth shrugs one shoulder, thinking it over.

“What’s your definition of flirting? Saying a few cutesy words to someone isn’t a huge deal, especially if you’re…well, _Anders_.”

“Yeah, but in front of someone you’re dating?”

“Ehhh…” she says, hesitating.

“Okay, but what if it was a bunch of people, the entire night? What if there was some minor touching?”

“Touching?”

“Like…” I’m trying to remember exactly what I saw, but so much of it is a blur now. “Linking arms, or hanging all over someone. Maybe small pecks on the cheek. Things like that.”

“Hmmm,” she muses. “That’s kind of a tough one, Gare. I do stuff like that with Bela all the time, but no one assumes we’re dating.”

“So you’re saying it could just be a friendly gesture and not flirting?” I don’t like the way this conversation is going. She’s supposed to be on my side! Although I guess I did want honesty…

“I’m saying it could go either way,” she explains. “Depending on the assumptions of the people around. People are always going to read into things, no matter what the intention is.”

“…I have no idea what you just said.”

Bethany sighs and I rub my forehead.

“Who was he flirting with?” she asks.

“Everyone.”

“Seriously, Garrett,” she huffs. “Was it just one random girl? Guy? Was he just being polite to get them to back off? I do that all the time.”

“It was several women, two of whom I know for a fact are interested in him. The others were just…I don’t know, wanted to hang all over him. And he let them.”

She pauses, giving me a curious look.

“So two of these women want to date him and he led them on? That’s…not right.”

“I know!” I exclaim. Finally!

“To be fair, he wasn’t hanging on them or anything,” I disclose. “He didn’t make any moves – that I saw, anyway. But he definitely didn’t stop them from giving him those little kisses and sitting on his lap and stuff like that.”

Beth opens her mouth to respond but I’m on a roll now.

“He also got really jealous if he thought anyone was trying to flirt with _me_. Which some were, but I didn’t flirt back. He even asked me if I was interested in Blackwall.” Best not to give her the exact details of that conversation.

Bethany cackles, clapping her hands.

“Oh wow, I can totally picture that, Gare.” She grins before her face scrunches up in disgust. “Wait, no. I don’t want to imagine that.”

I’m getting impatient. I just want her to agree with me and tell me what I should do.

“ _Anyway,_ ” I continue. _“_ Nate Howe told me flat out that one of the women was very interested in Anders, and they were trying to set the two of them up. Anders let her hold his arm and lean on him and, you know…” I make a vague dismissing motion with my hand. “All those googly eyes and little flirty touches and things like that.”

“Okay, first,” Beth giggles. “Not to take away from the seriousness of this conversation, but I can’t believe you got to hang out with _Nate Howe._! You two were talking and gossiping like old friends! What was he like? Do you think you could introduce me?”

“I’m trying to sort out my life, Beth!” I groan. “We can talk about your stupid crush another time, I need to know what to do _now_!”

Her mood changes in a second and I bite my tongue before I say something worse.

"Beth..."

“Forget it, Garrett," she glares. "Sorry, you seem to forget some of us aren’t used to rubbing elbows with celebrities on a daily basis. Or rubbing dicks, in your case.”

“Bethany!”

“What? You can say it and I can’t?”

“Yes!” I exclaim, looking over my shoulder to make sure Sandal – or God forbid, Bodahn – isn’t lingering nearby. “Can we please get back to the actual conversation?”

“Fine,” she says shortly, jumping down from the counter. “Did he do something wrong? Probably. Would I have been insanely jealous in your position? Definitely. Will it affect your relationship? Only if you let it.”

With that, she grabs a rag, giving me a pointed look and starts wiping off the tables.

She doesn’t know the whole story, though. She can’t just…simplify it down like this and make me feel like a jackass for getting upset. Even if I acted like one. I _still_ think I’m justified.

I take out my phone, opening up a new message box.

 **Me:** _hey, you want to swing by here around lunch? I want to talk about something_

I’m surprised when my phone buzzes almost immediately with a return message. It IS pretty early.

 **Fenris:** _sure. I still want to talk to you, anyway_

 **Me:** _okay, meet me here around 12:30, we’ll go to the sandwich place_

 **Fenris:** _k, see you then_

* * *

I see Fenris’ hair before I see the rest of him, appearing just over the top of the counter I’m kneeling behind as I put away some napkins.

“Hey,” he greets.

“Fenris!” I grin. “Good to see you.”

It _is_ good to see him. We haven’t hung out one-on-one for a while.

Bethany walks out of the kitchen, stopping short when she sees him there.

“Oh,” she squeaks in surprise. “Hey, Fen…what are you doing here?”

She looks between the two of us suspiciously and I suddenly feel like I’m betraying her by asking for his advice, too. Fenris hasn’t really been privy to a lot of the Anders talk like she has…mainly because I don’t think he’d be interested.

“We’re going to the sandwich place for lunch,” I reply quickly, untying my apron. “I want to tell him about the…thing. That we talked about this morning.”

“Ahhh,” she says, the two of them exchanging a long look. What is that supposed to mean?! Now I’m wondering how much Fenris actually knows. If Bethany tells Bela anything, she might have relayed it to Fenris, and…

“Come on,” I groan, trudging towards the door. “I need someone else to tell me I’m not crazy.”

We get our food and sit in a corner booth, away from the few other people there. I’m unwrapping my straw, trying to think of where to start, but he beats me to the punch.

“So what’s the crisis this time?” he deadpans, swallowing a bite of his sandwich. “Did he look too attractive in his uniform? Is it causing mayhem in your pants? Is he not giving Woofy enough belly rubs?”

I stare at him for a moment before bursting into laughter. I don’t really sound that ridiculous, do I? He gives me a little smile as he chews and I realize how much I’ve missed being around him.

“Such a low opinion of me,” I sigh dramatically, taking a bite of my own food. “This time it’s a real problem.”

“Chew first, talk later,” he grimaces, gesturing to a spot on my beard that’s apparently housing a piece of turkey.

I swallow, wiping my face and taking a deep breath.

“So, Anders has been acting really weird about our relationship,” I begin. “Like he doesn’t want anyone to know about us.”

Fenris shrugs. “I can understand that. He wants to keep you out of the spotlight.”

“Which would be fine. Except he begged me to cater this big party the other night and spent the entire evening pretending he didn't know me.”

That gets his attention, and he pauses mid-bite to look up at me through his hair.

“Wait, what?”

“I couldn’t go as his date, but he still wanted me there. So he asked me to cater it.”

“ _What?_ ”

Uh oh. I didn’t expect a reaction this fast.

“You don’t _hire_ your boyfriend to come work for you and then treat him like he’s a…a servant or something,” he growls.

“It wasn’t that bad,” I reply sheepishly. “He talked to me…a little. Not much. But he was flirting with all these women and when people asked if we knew each other, he just said that I worked at his favorite bakery.”

I launch into the entire story, in much more detail than I had a chance to tell Bethany this morning, and by the end he’s livid. Basically, the way I felt by the end of that night.

“So we’re going to the All-Star game in a week and a half and he promised we would do stuff together,” I sigh, finishing. “Things have been pretty okay, I guess. I’m going to see him tonight.”

“And what was Bethany’s reaction to all this?”

“Ah…” I chuckle. “She got a little annoyed at me for snapping at her over something else. Then she basically said she would have felt hurt but, I don’t know, that I need to move past it.”

“I disagree,” he says firmly. “He’s hiding something from you. Something that has obviously affected him a lot and it’s _wrong_. Relationships are built on trust, Garrett.”

I’m silent as I mull this over. He does have a point, and I hadn’t quite thought of it that way. I mean, I know he’s not telling me something, he basically told me that. But _why_ isn’t he telling me?

“So…what do you think I should do?”

He studies me before answering.

“If it was me, I’d ask him to explain tonight,” he says. “But then it might affect your trip if it doesn't go the way you want.”

He shrugs, playing with the edge of his napkin. “I guess it depends on how soon you want an answer. But you can’t let it slide.”

I sigh, sitting back in my seat.

“He said he would tell me when he’s ready. Maybe I shouldn’t push things.”

Fenris gives me a disapproving look but doesn’t say anything.

“But I’m right, aren’t I?” I ask. “I mean, I should be upset over this whole thing.”

“Absolutely,” he agrees. “You can’t let him treat you that way, Hawke. What if he does it in Antiva?”

“He promised me he wouldn’t.”

Fenris huffs out a laugh.

“I’d be prepared, just in case.”

I knew I would get an honest answer from Fenris, but now I feel worse, if possible. I think I’m going to wait and see how the mood is tonight. I could always try and ease into the conversation…but I also don’t want to end things on a sour note with him going away for a week.

“So, anyway,” I say, abruptly changing the subject. “What did you have to tell me?”

“Nothing that can’t wait,” Fenris says, gathering up his trash. “You have much more important things on your mind. Plus,” he points at the clock, “you’ve already been gone an hour.”

Crap. I hope Bodahn didn’t come in. Or that Beth covered for me. Not that it’s a huge deal, but I don’t want to leave them hanging.

“Thanks for listening to me,” I tell him as we step outside, giving him a small smile. “And for the advice. I’ll ah…let you know how it goes.”

“Good luck, Hawke,” he says, nodding seriously. “And don’t be a stranger.”

He gives me a small smile and a wave before stuffing his hands in his pockets and heading down the street. I begrudgingly walk back to the bakery, mulling over his words. I feel like it’s going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

I get home around six, and I’m exhausted. The afternoon ended up being a lot busier than usual and I’m hoping Anders is content to be…less _active_ than normal tonight because I don’t feel like moving off of the couch.

I take a quick shower and when I get out, I see that I have two missed text messages.

 **Anders:** _I got held up running some errands, sorry. I’ll be there a little late_

 **Anders:** _you can eat without me if you want. Or I can pick something up on my way over?_

I glance at the time. I don’t know how late he's talking about, but I feel like I could fall asleep right now. Maybe if I can fit in a nap I’ll be somewhat more awake by the time he gets here.

 **Me:** _How late are we talking? I don’t mind waiting._

 **Me:** _Also, I’m exhausted. So make sure you knock extra loud in case I’m asleep_

 **Anders:** _would you rather I not come over? It’ll probably be another hour or so_

 **Me:** _of course I want you to come over. I’ll nap and we can eat when you get here_

 **Anders:** _okay, I’ll pick something up on the way. See you soon_

I grab a blanket after I throw on a pair of pants and make myself comfortable on the couch. If I really _do_ plan on talking about anything I need to be awake for it. Otherwise, God knows what I’m liable to say.

* * *

I get woken up a little while later by knocking on my door, followed by Woofy’s bark.

“It’s just Anders, boy,” I yawn, petting him as I walk over to let Anders in.

Anders smiles when I open the door, giving me an appreciative once-over and a quick kiss as I take one of the several bags he’s carrying with him.

“How much food did you get?” I laugh.

“Dinner, drinks, dessert…figured we might as well go all out,” he grins, taking out some of the boxes. “How are you?”

“Better, now that I had a nap. Ooh, you brought me cake.”

We sit down to eat and chat mindlessly about our days. Part of me keeps waiting for things to feel weird or tense but somehow it doesn’t. I’m still debating whether I want to bring anything up, but I figure I’ll let us get through the team announcements and then see how things are going.

We settle on the couch after we clean up and wait for the show to come on. I’m pretty sure Anders is talking to me but I’m barely paying attention, bouncing my leg impatiently while we wait.

“Why are you so nervous?” Anders laughs, poking me in the side. “You already know I made it.”

“Pfffft,” I grin, rolling my eyes. “Like _you’re_ the one I’m excited about.”

Anders gasps and pretends to look offended, and I lean over to give him a quick kiss. He tries to pull me back for another one but I manage to duck away because _this is not the time_. I have important baseball things to listen to right now.

It’s a pretty predictable group when all’s said and done. Blackwall and Anders are the only Champions that made it. I was surprised Justice didn’t get selected as catcher, and Anders tells me he was as well when he had asked Justice the other day. Alistair Theirin got selected for third base over Nate Howe, which was a little disappointing for me, but at least it’s someone I like.

Unlike shortstop. I can’t believe I have to watch Vael play on the same team as Anders.

I make a noise of disgust when they announce his name and Anders chuckles next to me.

“Not a fan?” he teases.

“Are you?” I counter.

“Hell no, but I thought that was obvious,” he grins. “Vael is still bitter about the time I struck him out six years ago during the playoffs and he hasn’t let me forget it.”

“I remember that,” I nod. “He has talent; I can give him that. But he has even more attitude.”

“So do I.”

“Yeah, but…” I begin, fumbling with my words as he smirks. “It’s not the same.”

“Sure it is,” he says, sliding closer. “You just like me better.”

He wraps an arm around my shoulder and leans in to kiss my neck. I laugh and elbow him away, trying to focus on the rest of the conference. It’s over pretty quickly, though, and once the commentary comes on Anders shifts to face me again, giving me his full attention.

“So, are you happy?”

I shrug. “I guess. I was expecting some different people, but overall I’m happy. And excited,” I add, feeling my cheeks turn red.

“As you should be,” he hums, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. He’s sort of staring vaguely in the direction of my shoulder, looking like he wants to say something but doesn’t.

“Hey,” I nudge him with me knee, frowning slightly. “You okay?”

“Ah,” he clears his throat. “Yeah. I, um…wanted to talk to you about something.”

 _Oh no_.

My stomach clenches. This can’t be good.

“Alright.” I swallow hard, hoping I don’t look as anxious as I suddenly feel.

“I’ve been doing some thinking the last few days,” he starts, looking down at the couch cushion. “Justice sort of…confronted me, for lack of a better term, at my apartment on Tuesday before the game.”

“He confronted you?” I echo, raising my eyebrows. That’s…interesting.

“Yeah,” Anders grimaced. “Right after I got back from your place, he was waiting. We talked about a lot of…things.”

He sighs, and I can tell this is difficult for him, but the fact that _he_ brought the subject up and not me makes me keep my mouth shut. Although…there’s a very good chance this conversation could go either way. I might be getting broken up with right now, and I don’t even want to think about that.

“It was hard, but he helped me to see things from your side a little better,” he continues. “I guess I can see how you’d be upset.”

He finally looks at me, searching my face before heaving out another sigh.

“But I wasn’t lying to you, Garrett. You have to believe me on that. I wasn’t _trying_ to hurt you.”

“I never thought you were trying to make me upset,” I respond with a shrug. “But the first time I told you I _was_ upset, you should have stopped.”

Anders nods, reaching out to take my hand, and he begins to trace designs on the palm with his finger.

“There’s probably a few things I should have done differently. I just…”

He pauses again, face dropping slightly as his eyes flicker to my face. He looks so distraught right now, and I feel horrible but I know I have to let him continue.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Garrett,” he murmurs. “I don’t know if I can handle this.”

And here it is. The breakup speech. My heart starts pounding and I can feel myself getting lightheaded, but I try and take a deep breath to calm down before I say anything.

“Can’t handle what? You can handle anything.”

“I _can’t_ ,” he insists, squeezing my hand. “I don’t...I don't know how to do this. I’m going to fuck it up and the last thing in the world I could stand is to lose you, too.”

“Too?”

He ignores me, though, plowing along as he gets more upset.

“I can’t hurt you, Garrett. I should have known better than to think I could do this, and I— “

“Did Justice tell you to end things with me?” I cut in.

He stops, giving me a confused look before shaking his head.

“No, he told me the exact opposite.”

I don’t respond, trying to make any sense at all of what he’s telling me. Fenris’ voice keeps echoing in the back of my mind, telling me that he’s hiding something.

“Anders,” I say softly, reaching out to cup his face and turn him towards me. “Calm down, and let’s talk through this.”

He nods stiffly, and I let go of his face. He looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to start.

_Good move, Garrett, but what do you do now?_

“We…can’t fix what happened the other night,” I begin, letting out a shaky breath. This conversation could make or break us. “But we can learn from it, right?”

Anders nods again slowly but doesn’t respond.

“So why don’t we just…I don’t know, start from the beginning?” I have no idea what I’m talking about, but it sounds right.

“What do you mean?”

I shrug, thinking.

“What do you want?” I finally ask.

“You.”

“Okay,” I chuckle. “That’s a good thing. What else?”

“I don’t want people in my private life.”

This is good, we’re getting somewhere. Maybe if we work through it like this we can figure it out.

“I can understand that, to a certain extent,” I agree. “But what does that mean for us? We can’t go out in public together? You pretend I don’t exist? I don’t get it.”

“We can go places. Sometimes,” he says, cautiously. “But no…PDA. Or any obvious signs of affection or...closeness. Things like that.”

He looks at me for a minute before continuing.

“I already know you’re not the type to go running your mouth to other people or posting it all over the internet. I just want everyone to leave you alone.”

“I’m not worried about that,” I respond, shaking my head.

“I am. And I’m not arguing about it.”

O…kay.

“So I’m your friend,” I confirm. “Who you spend most of your free time with, in a totally non-sexual manner. We just really, really like naked sleepovers.”

He laughs a bit at that, and I feel a little better.

“I don’t know that I’d put it that way,” he admits. “But sort of? Yeah. They don’t need to know about the naked sleepover part, though.”

I shift nervously even though I smile, running my free hand through my hair.

“So you, um…still want to do this?” I ask, slightly embarrassed by how afraid I sound. “I mean, I can’t say that I’m really  _happy_ with the whole thing, but I think we can compromise.”

“What about it don’t you like?” he asks sincerely, leaning forward a bit. I’m starting to believe him when he says he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“Well…I don’t like the fact that I can’t do small things, like kiss you in public,” I say, feeling my face heat up a bit. Is it dumb for me to want that? 

“I also don’t think you should lie about knowing me if we _are_ seen together, you know? You don't have to say we're dating or whatever, but don't pretend like you don't even know my name.”

“I won’t,” he promises with a small smile. “Anything else?”

“I still want to know what exactly happened,” I tell him, with a bit of hesitation. “With your last relationship, I mean. It’s obviously a big deal and…I don’t know, it’s affecting ours. Don’t you think you should at least give me a reason why it’s bothering you so much?”

“Not now,” he says uncomfortably, pulling his hand back. “One day I will, Garrett. Really. But right now I just…can’t. I told you.”

He sighs, face falling again.

“I’m sorry. I understand if that’s a deal breaker.”

“It’s not,” I assure him. “I think as long as we can work on the other things first then…I don’t know. Hopefully at some point you’ll trust me enough to tell me.”

“It has nothing to do with not trusting you, Garrett,” he insists. “Please believe that. I told you…things ended very badly and I blame myself. It’s too difficult for me at the moment.”

Honestly, part of me still wants to keep pushing the subject, but I know I should just keep my mouth shut. I have this nagging feeling that I should know this…like I’m missing something obvious. Or that Anders thinks I know more than I actually do. It’s really bugging me, but then another thought pops into my head and I let it go.

“So…what does this mean for the trip?” I ask, a sinking feeling in my stomach. This is going to be the banquet all over again, just like Fenris warned. 

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Are we still going to be able to go places? Am I still allowed to go at all?”

“Yes, Garrett,” he says softly, giving me a small smile. “To both.”

He hesitates for a minute, then sits back and gives me another crooked smile.

“Although we do have a small problem with the flight there.”

“Why?”

“The league already bought my ticket. Guests are on their own...and the flight I’m booked on is sold out.”

Oh good. Traveling to a foreign country for the first time all alone, I’m sure this is going to go well. I open my mouth to reply but he beats me to it.

“But I already bought you a ticket,” he says quickly. “On the flight that leaves right before mine. You’ll get there maybe half an hour earlier. I figured you could just hang out at the airport until I land and we could drive to the hotel together.”

He stops when he sees my frown.

“Is…that okay? Or would you rather make your own arrangements?”

“No, that’s fine,” I say immediately, somewhat relieved. “And, um, the room? I guess I’ll have my own?”

“No,” he says, mouth quirking up a little. “I booked a suite. Technically it can sleep about four people, but I figure you count as two so I feel justified in splurging.”

“Shut up,” I laugh. “I’m not _that_ big.”

He raises an eyebrow, looking down at my lap and then back up to my face, and I just roll my eyes.

“It has a king-sized bed,” he grins. “And an enormous bathroom, from what I understand. You’ll be staying in style.”

Okay, I’m starting to get excited again. It shouldn't be this easy to appease me, but now all I can think about is what it's going to be like staying in a place this extravagant. 

_Pay attention, Garrett. Focus._

“And what about the flight home?”

“We can fly back together,” he says. “I haven’t bought those tickets yet because I wasn’t sure which day we wanted to come home.”

I feel like there’s a catch here somewhere, but I don’t say anything. My mind keeps jumping back and forth between, “something’s still not right” and “just let it go and believe him.” Am I being paranoid? How many times have I asked myself that tonight?

I must stay quiet longer than I realize because his hand is on my arm a moment later.

“Garrett?”

“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” _Well, there goes that_.

“Like?” Anders asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know,” I sigh, rubbing my face. “Like you’re not telling me everything.”

“Then ask. What else do you want to know?”

I can’t pinpoint it, though. Maybe it’s just the relationship story that’s still bugging me, but I really want to get rid of this feeling that we’re going to get there and he’s going to ditch me again. I guess it’s as good a place to start as any.

“I guess I’m just…” I sigh, shrugging one shoulder. “I guess I’m just worried you’re saying all this now, but as soon as we get there you’re going to pretend like I don’t matter. Going off and doing all the cool baseball stuff you usually do while I sit alone in the hotel room, hiding.”

Anders bursts out laughing, and I’m a little annoyed. Why is this funny?

“’Cool baseball stuff?’” he grins. “What do you think I do in my spare time?”

“Besides me?”

Anders rolls his eyes, but the grin doesn’t leave his face.

“That’s only a recent development. And I think we've discussed in detail how upset I am that I can't do that on the road.”

I can feel myself blush a little. He's made no secret of the fact that the video I made for him has kept him company more than once while he was away. Usually with me on speakerphone, talking to him at the same time.

“You guys don’t go out to bars or whatever?” I have to clear my throat a couple times before I can get the words out.

“Sometimes,” he shrugs. “Rarely, though. We’re tired. We get back to the hotel late and have to be up pretty early for practice. Most of our free time is in the morning.”

That makes sense, I guess. Maybe I’m overthinking this again.

“So…you don’t have anything else planned while we’re there? Just practice and the game?”

“And a couple meetings,” he nods. “But those are right before practice, so it doesn’t really matter. The rest of the time I’ll be with you.”

He smiles, gripping my hand reassuringly.

“Unless _you_ ditch _me_ , of course,” he sighs dramatically. “Maybe you find some other handsome player who steals your heart and I’m left crying on home plate.”

I elbow him but chuckle a bit anyway.

“Not funny.” I try and pout.

“Blackwall will be there.”

I look over and he’s wiggling his eyebrows at me. What an ass. I don't know if I want to kiss him or smack him, but I'm satisfied enough with his answers that I'm just going to let it drop for the night.

“So,” I prompt, curling up against him. “Tell me all about Antiva.”

* * *

Telling Carver goes as unsmoothly as I expected it to. Bethany insisted on being there with me when I broke the news, so I invited them both over for burgers at my place a couple nights later.

“So…guess who’s going to the All-Star Game?” I bring up casually, unwrapping my food. “I’ll give you a hint: it’s me.”

“You’re so full of shit, Garrett,” Carver mumbles as he chews.

“He’s telling the truth this time.” Bethany pouts, and I don’t know whether it’s real or fake (I have a feeling it’s real) but it’s enough to get Carver’s attention. He swallows his food, narrowing his eyes and staring at me suspiciously.

“How did you get tickets?”

“I’m fucking the starting pitcher.”

Carver had just taken a sip of his soda and promptly spit it out everywhere, coughing as Bethany and I burst out laughing.

“You’re…” he chokes, tears forming in his eyes. “You’re a fucking asshole.”

Bethany rubs circles on his back until he elbows her arm out of the way, glaring at us both.

“You’re _really_ going? And not taking us? What the fuck, Garrett?”

“I can’t,” I shrug, starting to feel guilty again. “Not that I don’t want to. Maybe next time.”

“’Maybe next time.’ God, you sound just like Dad,” Carver grumbles, going back to his burger.

Bethany shoots me a look, but I don’t acknowledge Carver’s comment, biting into my own food. Talking about Dad is a sensitive subject with me, which he should know, but he usually doesn’t care. Or remember. Probably a bit of both.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Bethany announces with forced enthusiasm. “Let’s talk about something else. Like Carver talking in his sleep last night.”

“I was not!”

“You were, I could hear you through the wall,” she says smugly. “Moaning something about bananas and your mouth being too small. What was _that_ all about?”

“You are such a liar, Beth, oh my fucking God…”

I let the two of them argue it out as I keep eating, happy for the distraction. I’m starting to think I should have at least asked Anders for extra tickets. He would be free to say no, but I might have felt better knowing I tried.

But then I see Carver steal the rest of Bethany’s burger and Beth punch him ( _hard_ ) in the arm in retaliation, and…I’m good. Maybe some time away is exactly what I need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much all of this chapter wasn't in my original outline, minus the scene with Bethany. But you know how these things sort of just organically evolve on their own...it made me realized that Garrett is still unsettled to the point where her answer wasn't going to be enough for him. 
> 
> I also felt (based on me reading into a couple comments I received - not negative, but probably me overthinking things) like I hadn't clearly explained just how much Garrett knows about Karl. Hopefully this cleared it up a little: he knows next to nothing. Garrett is a huge sweetheart but he's also pretty oblivious and he just hasn't made any sort of connection that bad relationship = Karl = "hey, maybe I should look into this more and find out what really happened." 
> 
> I'm going to leave you all with your own opinions about the Anders conversation without me tainting it, lol.
> 
> Next chapter is done, but I want to finish 16 before I edit 15 so I keep the flow going. So how soon that's posted will depend on how soon I can finish 16, but it shouldn't be long. Famous last words. 
> 
> And finally, (you see what these chapters are so long? I can't shut up) thanks again for being patient with the update and for being so sweet and encouraging cause I have been through absolute hell the last couple of months and you guys are just awesome. Thanks for sticking around and, as usual, any comments, etc. you leave are more than appreciated. Come visit me on [tumblr](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) if you haven't already!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett and Anders finally arrive in Antiva for the All-Star Game. Garrett isn't entirely sure what to expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Against my better judgement, I'm breaking my own rule and posting this chapter before I have chapter 16 finished. I'm impatient and overly excited cause it's Opening Day and wanted to do something to celebrate. It's not nearly as polished as it would have been if I waited and obsessed over it for another 3 weeks, but maybe that's a good thing. I'm happy enough that I'm not going to beat myself up over it (which, knowing my brain, probably means it's crap lmao). 
> 
> I reference things in ch. 2 and 3, in the event you want to refresh your memory beforehand. I also play fast and loose with the Home Run Derby rules, since they seem to change every other year.
> 
> There's a lot going on in this chapter and it's pretty long, just as fair warning (a little over 14k). Hey, over 100k total words now! Sorry for any mistakes, etc. etc. I'll probably go back later and proofread again. Hopefully there's none too glaring.

The plane ride to Antiva isn’t as bad as I was expecting. I spend most of it with my headphones in, worrying about Woofy and trying to remember if I packed everything. I know it’s only for a few days but it feels like I’ll be gone a month. Woofy has never been away from me for so long and even though he's with Bethany - and even though I left her a four-page list of instructions - it's still a little anxiety inducing.

I also spend most of the ride in barely restrained excitement, looking out of the window every other second trying to catch a glimpse of the ground below. Which I really can't, because it's dark outside and I have no idea what I'm looking at, but at least the glimpses of lights I see are pretty. I'm happy we decided to fly in on Sunday night instead of Monday morning because this will give us a chance to relax and hopefully be alone for the rest of the evening. I only saw Anders briefly after he got back from the last road trip, and all I really want is a night where we can just be lazy and do nothing but enjoy each other’s company.

Once we finally land, I have to hold myself back from jumping over the seats. Even though I was in the business class section, these little airline seats don’t exactly fit someone of my size. My legs are _killing_ me and I just need to walk around for a bit…which will probably help with my nervousness, anyway.

I grab my suitcase and pick a seat near the baggage claim area, sort of out of the way from everyone else and settle myself down to wait for Anders’ flight to arrive. I shoot off a couple texts to let everyone back home know I got here safely but I’m antsy about five seconds later and start pacing again. I can’t exactly go far with luggage to drag around, but I do some window shopping in the stores nearby and that manages to kill most of the time in between our flights.

I finally see Anders enter the baggage claim, carry-on bag slung over his shoulder and eyes scanning the room quickly – I’m assuming (hoping) looking for me. I’m kind of hard to miss, so I start waving once he looks in my direction, and his face breaks out into a grin when he spots me. I sprint over to greet him…but stop short once I remember the whole lack-of-affection thing.

“Hey,” I greet with an awkward small wave instead of my usual kiss.

“Hey, yourself. Good flight?”

I follow him over to wait for his luggage to appear.

“It was fine,” I reply casually. It’s cool. Just a normal guy with his luggage randomly lurking near other people’s luggage. Nothing weird here at all, everyone, please ignore my amazingly attractive boyfriend standing next to me.

I start looking around in my forced casualness to see if any other players I recognize are close by. I’m so engrossed in my act that it takes me a minute or so to realize that Anders hasn’t said anything else, and when I look back I see him giving me a bemused grin.

“Looking for someone?”

“It’s all part of my disguise,” I respond wryly. “Casual Garrett who is definitely not dying to kiss his incredibly hot boyfriend standing an arms-length away. Is it working?”

“Yes, you look like you’re searching for the incredibly hot boyfriend that’s standing an arms-length away. Should I be jealous?”

“Probably. He’s very seductive, it’s hard to keep my hands off of him.”

Anders reaches for his suitcase and gestures towards the door with a smirk.

“Hold out just a bit longer and you can touch me wherever you want.”

* * *

To call Antiva City amazing would be an understatement.

I’ve only seen random shots of the city on TV and in magazines and stuff, but it really doesn’t do it justice. I have my face pressed against the window most of the ride to the hotel trying to see everything at once. Which is difficult, considering it’s night and I can only see what the lights let me. Anders just grins at me fondly and sits back, content to watch my excitement.

Even though the city is right on the water – like Kirkwall – it has a completely different feel. Everything here just gives off a vibe of wealth and history and…I don’t know, it just feels so much more exotic and stunning than home.

Our hotel is just as impressive, looking more like an opera house or museum or something instead of a hotel. Anders told me he decided to choose one of the places in the older part of the city instead of a modern one because he thought I would enjoy it more, and he was definitely right.

The driver drops us off in front of the hotel and I’m so busy craning my neck around to try to see the whole building that I don’t realize Anders has grabbed my arm to bring me back to reality.

“I’m going to go inside and check in,” he said in an obviously measured voice as he glances around. “Why don’t you stay out here and look around for a few minutes, and then I’ll text you when I’m done?”

“Okay.” I smile and turn my attention to the fountain on the landing a few steps up.

“Anders!” I shout suddenly before he gets too far away. He turns around and gives me an incredulous look and I duck my head a little in embarrassment. I probably shouldn’t yell his name like that in public, even if there’s not a ton of people around. He comes back down the steps, gesturing impatiently for me to go on.

“Look at the fountain!” I whisper excitedly, pointing. “It has _dragons!_ ”

The fountain is huge, with three looming stone dragons twisted together in the middle, water spouting out of their mouths. Lights inlaid around the rim cause them to look a lot more menacing than they probably do in the daytime, shadows in all the right places.

“Ah,” he sighs with a small chuckle. “It was a gift from Tevinter, I think. I’m sure we can find out more about it later.”

He gives my arm a quick squeeze before heading back into the building. I kick myself as he walks away. I should have asked him to take my picture in front of it first.

My selfie is not nearly as impressive – I could only get two dragons in the shot and it’s a little dark – but I send it off to the gang anyway.

**Me:** [Image Attached]

**Me:** _!!!!!!!!!!!_

My phone starts exploding a few seconds later, and I grin, sitting on the edge of the fountain to read them.

**Bethany** : _That is SO COOL! Pleasepleaseplease take a thousand pictures for me?_

**Bela:** _Look at u all smiles ;) have fun Hawkey_

**Merrill:** _You look so handsome, Garrett! Tell Anders I said hello ^-^_

**Fenris** : _your head looks huge. I should have lent you one of my old cameras._

No response from Carver, but that doesn’t surprise me.

I give Anders about ten more minutes or so before I finally text him. I’m hoping he didn’t get caught up signing autographs or taking pictures or something, and I don’t want to come off as annoying…but I’m also not going to charge in there and awkwardly hang around until he escapes.

**Me:** _is the coast clear?_

**Anders:** _Just finished, in the elevator now._

**Anders:** _We’re in 609, come up whenever_

I grab my suitcase and try not to run to the door, brushing off my clothes and hoping I look Very Busy and Important on my way to my fancy hotel room.

That entire act comes crashing down as soon as I step into the building. I can’t think of a description other than “disgustingly rich,” and I feel out of place immediately. Everyone there is dressed so nice, carrying obviously expensive luggage, and you can just feel the privilege radiating off of them. I don’t think I like this.

I shuffle a bit awkwardly in the entrance as I look for the elevator, hoping I can make a beeline to it as fast as possible.

“Can I get that for you?”

I jump a little ( _way to fit in, Garrett)_ and turn to see a bellhop or someone standing next to me. Are they even called bellhops anymore? I almost ask him but he’s giving me a really strained smile, like he _knows_ I don’t belong here but he has to be polite to keep his job.

“Oh…no. Thanks, I can carry it,” I stammer. “Can you just show me where the elevator is?”

“You need to check in first. Sir.” He begrudgingly adds the last word, giving me a once-over as a lip curls up in distaste. I kinda want to punch him right now.

“My friend has already checked us in and is in the room now. I just need directions on how to get there,” I respond, standing up a little taller. I already tower over the guy, but I’m hoping I look a bit more intimidating now. It seems to work because he flinches back a little. _Garrett: 1, Bellhopman: 0._

“Very well,” he sighs, pointing towards the left wall. “Elevators are over there. Enjoy your stay.”

I’m abruptly dismissed as he turns his attention to the people behind me. This trip is starting off great already.

I make it to the elevators, ignoring more stares along the way. I try to catch a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors but it’s tough with so many people around. I already checked my pants, nothing wrong there, so is something on my face? My shirt? At least I wore a button up instead of the Champs tee I was initially going to wear. I even put my hair up and trimmed my beard…I don’t get it.

I find the room almost immediately…mainly since there’s only a few on this floor. We’re at the top of the hotel, and this must be where the fancy suites are all located. I like the fact that we’re at the end…more privacy.

“Hey, it’s me,” I call softly, rapping on the door.

Anders opens it immediately, big grin on his face.

“Hello, handsome. Did you find the place okay?” he teases, ushering me inside as he closes and locks the door.

“I, um…”

I stop short, lost for words as I look around. This place is about ten times nicer than my entire apartment. I’m almost afraid to touch anything.

And then it hits me. This is Anders’ world. This is probably what he’s used to all of the time.

I run my hand over the back of the plush leather couch, taking in what has to be a 70-inch TV built into the wall. I take back what I said about the room being nicer than my apartment. I’m pretty sure this couch alone costs more than my apartment.

One whole wall is floor to ceiling windows, and I make my way over to where Anders has pulled the curtains open. We’re facing the Rialto Bay and the view is absolutely gorgeous. Bethany would kill to see this, and I can only imagine the pictures Fenris would be able to take from the balcony.

My stomach turns a little, and I start to feel a bit homesick. My friends and I would never even _look_ at a place like this, let alone be in one, so I don’t know why I’m even thinking about it.

I feel arms gently wrap around my waist a minute later, Anders resting his chin on my shoulder.

“What’s wrong, love?”

I turn to face him, giving him a half smile while he nervously bites his lip. How can I say this tactfully?

“This is pretty much the most amazing room I’ve ever been in.”

His face brightens and he smiles, grabbing my hand.

“And you haven’t even seen the rest!” he says excitedly.

He tries to tug me towards what must be the bedroom but I stand firm, pulling him back.

“What’s wrong?” he repeats, frowning. “Don’t you like it? We can always switch to another one if you—“

“It’s not that,” I cut in, shaking my head. “I just, um…well, I’m not used to things like this.”

“Even more reason to enjoy it,” Anders grins, running his hands up my chest before wrapping them around my shoulders.

“Don’t think. Let me spoil you for a few days, Garrett,” he murmurs. “You deserve it, putting up with me.”

My mind flashes back to the party and how out of place and awkward I felt there, as well. At least here we have privacy, and technically I don’t even have to leave the room unless I want to. Maybe I’m being too uptight about the whole thing. I can live like a king for a few days, and Anders seems very intent on making up for his behavior.

“Alright,” I finally reply, giving him a smile and a quick peck on the lips. He quickly pulls me back in for a deeper kiss, moaning slightly into my mouth and grinning after it’s done.

“That was the greeting I wanted to give you at the airport. Now, let’s go check out the other rooms.”

I let him pull me into the bedroom, which is just as expensive-looking as the other room but not quite as overdone. The bed is _huge_ , with more than enough room for the two of us to spread out and I have a feeling if I enjoy nothing else in this suite, I’m going to enjoy that bed.

Anders is standing expectantly on one side of the room, looking at me with a hopeful expression. I’m confused.

“What?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. He doesn’t say anything, just tips his head to my left a bit, gesturing for me to look at…the dresser? No, what’s on top of the dresser.

“What the hell is all this?” I laugh.

Sitting on top of the dresser is a huge basket overflowing with I don’t even know how many different snacks, drinks and other random objects. I see cheese, wine, coffee, chocolate, crackers, a bunch of small jars with different foods and jellies and a ton of other things.

And sitting next to the basket is a big bottle of champagne and two flutes…with a huge stuffed dog that looks suspiciously like Woofy nestled among them. I pick that up first, turning to Anders with a huge grin on my face.

“You let me bring Woofy after all!”

He laughs and walks over, giving it a playful pat before looking up at me, searching my face. He looks nervous. Hopeful, but nervous.

“Do you like it?” he asks.

“I _love_ it.” I put fake Woofy back down and pull him close. He wraps his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder with his face buried in my neck and we just stand there silently for a minute or two, holding each other.

 “We’re going to have a fun trip,” he murmurs, giving my neck a gentle kiss. Just that small gesture gives me goosebumps, and he must feel it because he does it again, letting out a quiet laugh.

“Someone’s sensitive,” he teases, sucking a little this time around.

“You know I am,” I scoff, feeling myself blush. “I’m also starving. Can we eat before we settle in for the night? Or…did you have plans?”

Anders pulls away, grabbing something on the table and flopping onto the bed, arranging the pillows behind him so he can sit up.

“I vote,” he says, holding up the book he grabbed, “that we order room service and not leave the room for the rest of the night.”

“That sounds perfect,” I grin, peeling off my shirt and joining him on the bed.

“Jesus, Garrett, you couldn’t wait 10 minutes?” Anders laughs, poking my chest.

“I had a shirt on _all day_ ,” I whine. “Be happy I still have my pants on.”

“Why would that make me happy?” He lifts an eyebrow as his attention goes back to the menu.

I kick my shoes off and roll onto my side, playing with the hem of Anders’ shirt while he flips the pages. I hope this isn’t all fancy food. I don’t want to spend half my time figuring out what the words mean when I could just be eating a steak.

Anders tosses the menu at me a minute later with a smile.

“Pick whatever you want.”

Those are dangerous words to say to someone with my stomach. I look over the menu and thankfully I can understand a good chunk of it. Enough that I’m able to find steak and potatoes easily enough. Anders walks into the other room to order and I sprawl out in the middle of the bed. I wonder how much something like this actually costs. It probably wouldn’t fit in my apartment, but I can dream.

Anders returns a minute later and crawls on the bed, facing me. He scoots close enough that I can drape an arm over his hip and pull him closer.

“Can we just stay like this the whole week?” I mumble sleepily.

“Curled up together in bed? I’d love to,” he whispers, pushing my hair out of my face. “But there’s something I need to do here. My job, I think? I can’t remember.”

I grin, wrapping my arm tighter around his waist and draping a leg over his for good measure.

“You can’t go anywhere unless I say so.”

“Oh, is that so?” he bursts out laughing, raising his eyebrows.

“Mmhmm.”

I can see him studying me, but I don’t do anything except smile back, running my hand along his hip. He tries to pull back once, testing me, but I hold tight and he only manages to gain a couple extra inches between us.

And then suddenly…his head is ducking down, and before I realize what he’s doing, he has one of my nipples in his mouth, biting gently. My back arches on its own and I let out an embarrassingly desperate moan. I should have known he wouldn’t play fair, that jerk.

I can feel him smiling against my chest as he continues to lick and suck the area, only pulling back when my hand starts gripping his side too tight.

“Please don’t break anything before the game,” he smirks, tapping my hand.

“That was cheating.”

“I had to think of some way to pass the time while I was being held captive.”

Anders runs his fingers lightly up my chest, stopping at the same nipple his mouth was just teasing. He plays with it idly as he rolls back onto his side, giving me a small smile.

“So…we have about an hour until the food gets here. What shall we do?” he asks, his face a mask of pure innocence.

I flick my eyes between his face and his fingers several times, giving him a hopeful smile but not saying anything.

He takes back his hand, sighing deeply.

“Nothing? Okay, I guess I’ll go watch TV…”

He starts to get up but I grab his wrist, pulling him back down. He lands on the bed with a loud laugh and I drag him to the middle, crawling over so I’m straddling his hips.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” I hum, lifting up his shirt.

“It’s too early to get in my pajamas, Garrett.” Anders blinks up at me. “I don’t know why you’re taking my clothes off.”

I pull off his shirt and toss it behind me before running my hands down his chest. I can see him struggling to keep a straight face, mouth twitching up at the corner…but I can also feel something now pressing against my leg that wasn’t there a few seconds ago. Two can play the teasing game.

I lean forward slowly, pressing our lips together in a chaste kiss. His hands lightly grip my hips, and I can tell he’s really trying to hold himself back.

“Well, I’m taking mine off,” I sigh, standing next to the bed. I take my time removing the rest of my clothes, enjoying the feel of his eyes hungrily taking in the sight…especially once he can see how hard I already am.

I just stand there once I’m naked, lifting an eyebrow and waiting for a reaction. Anders licks his lips once, eyes meeting mine before returning to the more interesting part of my body. But he doesn’t make a move.

“Alright.” I shrug. “I’m going to check out the bathroom. Since we didn’t make it there during the tour.”

_If anything is going to get him, it HAS to be this_ , I think, smirking as I walk into the other room. Sure enough, I hear the bed creak and some shuffling behind me a second or two later.

Okay, this bathroom is incredible. It’s _huge_ , for one, with a bathtub and a separate shower, and I’m pretty sure the shower alone is as big as my entire bathroom back home. Anders wasn’t kidding.

“I told you it was big,” Anders murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. He plants a soft kiss on my shoulder and presses his hips forward, informing me that he’s also shed the rest of his clothes and is just as… _enthusiastic_ as I am.

“I feel like a _long, hot_ shower is exactly what I need right now,” I reply, grinding my hips back just enough to rub against him. He lets out a low moan, both hands sliding down my stomach to tease right along the edge of my cock.

“ _Fuck_ , Anders…” I groan, turning around so I can kiss him properly.

His hands are tangled in my hair almost immediately, pulling me down into a bruising kiss. I grab his ass, pulling him tighter against me as our hips start undulating together almost unconsciously.

Anders is like a man possessed, biting my bottom lip before moving on to my jaw, my neck, my shoulder and back to my neck again. His hands are everywhere, trying to touch as much of me as possible all at once while I writhe against him and let out a series of probably very desperate-sounding noises.

“You know,” I pant. “I really _do_ want to take a shower…”

He pulls back, grinning. One hand slowly trails down my chest, fingertips just barely grazing my skin until he reaches my cock, giving it one firm tug.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” I shout, my knees buckling as I grab onto his shoulder for support. I’m going to come in about 10 seconds if I’m this sensitive already.

Anders must be thinking the same thing because his eyebrows shoot up, blinking at me in amazement.

“I think we need to get you in the shower before you make a mess.”

“Yeah,” I nod, still breathing heavy.

I stagger over to the shower, fumbling with the fancy knobs as I try to adjust the water temperature. Anders slides in behind me, and _God_ , it’s amazing to have room to move in a shower myself, let alone with another person.

Anders lets out a small noise of happiness once the hot water hits his body, causing me to turn around and grab him by his hips while his eyes are closed.

“Not fair,” he laughs, wiping the water out of his face as I pull him closer again.

“I think we’re well overdue for a proper shower together, don’t you?”

“If something happens to the water this time, I’m absolutely blaming you,” Anders smirks, giving me a quick kiss. I gasp, stepping back a bit but not letting go of his hips.

“I’m feeling very attacked right now.”

Anders just gives me a look, closing the distance between us and giving me another long, slow kiss. I let my hands trail around to his ass, cupping it slightly and massaging the flesh in my hands. Anders lets out a low groan into my mouth and I take the opportunity to back him into the closest wall. He gives a little noise of surprise when he makes contact, and I flash him a quick grin before I’m on my knees in front of him. Not exactly the most comfortable position, but I have a feeling I won’t be down there very long.

I kiss my way up the inside of one thigh, only nuzzling his cock lightly as I pass it and make my way to his hip. Anders’ fingers are flexing at his sides as he struggles not to grab my head and I smile against his skin as I wonder how long that will actually last.

He shifts a little, opening his legs a bit wider and I take the hint, kissing my way back down to the base of his cock. I kiss the head, licking the tiny bit of fluid pooling there and one of his hands immediately flies to the back of my head, trying to push himself in further.

“Patience,” I tease, stroking him slowly.

“I have no fucking patience right now, Garrett.”

He’s breathing quickly, looking down at me through heavy-lidded eyes as he threads his fingers through my hair, keeping it out of my face as I take his cock back into my mouth. He whimpers briefly above me, clutching my hair but not forcing me to take more than I’m ready for. I’m trying to take my time, but the noises he’s making, along with the shallow thrusts of his hips, aren’t doing anything to help.

“Come on, love,” he murmurs, his other hand soon joining the one on my head. “ _Fuck_ , you feel so good. Just like that…”

His hips are moving faster now, going deeper, and I try to relax and take him all in. He’s losing control quickly, hands soon pushing my head to meet his hips as he fucks my mouth, and I need to brace one hand on his leg and the other on the wall behind him just to keep myself steady.

“Oh, fuck, Garrett, _yes_ ,” he groans, completely lost from reality as he keeps pumping, eyes closed and head thrown back.

I want to touch myself, but I’m doing all I can to not slide around on the slippery tile with how much Anders is moving right now. But I’m achingly hard and I know it would only take a few strokes before I come.

“Garrett…Garrett, _fuck_ ,” Anders whimpers. When I glance up, I see his eyes are trained on my mouth, watching with rapt attention as he pumps in and out.

“I have been thinking about your mouth on my dick all day,” he pants. “Fuck, you don’t know how good this feels…”

I think I have a pretty good idea. I manage to let go of his leg long enough to give myself a couple quick strokes – something that doesn’t escape his attention.

“That’s it, touch yourself, love,” he moans, hips moving faster. “I want to watch you come all over yourself while I come down your throat…”

I whimper around his cock, stroking myself harder as he keeps murmuring encouragements above me. I’m close - really close - and I turn pleading eyes up towards his face hoping he’s ready.

“Fuck, Gar-Garrett, I’m going to—“

With a loud shout and one more hard thrust his back arches away from the wall as he comes. I’m about a split second behind, spurting all over my hand and the wall in front of me, the water quickly washing it away. Anders gives a few more lazy thrusts as he comes down, smoothing back my hair as he gives me a shaky laugh.

“Okay?” he asks, helping me to my feet. I almost topple into him…my knees hurt from kneeling so long. Longer than I expected, anyway.

“Definitely okay,” I murmur, leaning in so he can taste himself on my lips. He pulls me in closer, deepening the kiss as his hands start roaming my body all over again.

“I missed you,” I manage to get out between kisses.

“Where did I go?”

He gives me a soft smile, nails gently raking up and down my back, giving me goosebumps all over again. I lean over to make the water a little hotter before giving him another soft kiss.

“You know what I mean,” I sigh, nuzzling into his neck as the water rains down on us.

“Mmmm,” he hums. “You’re right, we haven’t had sex in about a week. I can see that you’ve been deprived.”

He gives my ass a pinch for emphasis as I jump back with a yelp.

“You’re such an asshole,” I laugh.

“I know.” He grins and pulls me back against him. “Speaking of which…”

His fingers dip into the cleft of my ass a second later, snaking down until one digit starts running slow circles around the hole. I moan, dropping my head back down on his shoulder as I strain for more contact.

Anders starts mouthing at my neck, nipping and sucking at various spots as he continues massaging the area without actually venturing inside. It’s driving me absolutely insane.

“Should I grab something from the other room?” I pant, trying to pull away but not wanting to.

“On the counter.”

I look and see the small bottle sitting next to the sink. He must have brought it with him when he came in, and I was too distracted to notice.

“You think of everything.” I grin and give him a small peck before stepping out into the coldness of the room. I sort of hop/sprint to the sink and back, letting out a loud sigh of relief once I’m back under the warmth of the water.

I shake the bottle in front of Anders’ face until he snatches it and puts it on the shelf next to our heads. He grabs another bottle on the same shelf, pouring some into his hands.

“Turn around,” he smiles, lathering it in his hands. “Let me wash your hair.”

I turn around wordlessly, a little thrown off by the request. Would it be wrong to ask him to go back to touching my ass? Probably. _Just let him do something nice for you, Garrett._

Anders slowly works the shampoo into my hair, taking his time massaging my scalp. It feels absolutely amazing. He washes it out and repeats the motions with the conditioner, and I realize neither of us has said a word the entire time. I don’t think anyone has done something like this for me before. Do I…return the favor? Is this thanks for me giving him a blowjob? _What do I do here?_

After he washes out the conditioner, his hands make their way down to rub my shoulders and I sort of slump bonelessly against the wall in front of me. I didn’t even realize I was this tense.

“Feel good?” Anders finally murmurs, pressing kisses along my shoulders, trailing the path of his hands.

“You could say that,” I groan.

Anders chuckles, rubbing circles down my back. I need to make a mental note to have him do this sometime when I can lie down and really enjoy it…without worrying my legs are going to give out and I shatter a kneecap or something on the floor.

After what seems like forever, he gently turns me around, running his hands up my chest and down my arms before pressing his body against mine. I lean forward to kiss him, smiling against his lips when his hands slide around and grab my ass.

“Couldn’t resist, hmm?” I tease, earning a firm smack to one cheek.

“I was just saving the best for last,” Anders murmurs, giving my collarbone a quick nip.

“I think we’re tempting the hot water gods, staying in here so long.”

“If this ridiculously expensive hotel can’t keep the water hot for more than 20 minutes, they’re going to get an earful from me.” Anders punctuates his sentence with another small nip to my neck. 

“I can just imagine it now,” I smirk, closing my eyes and letting my hands roam across his body. “’Excuse me, manager? The water got cold before I finished fucking my boyfriend, I demand compensation.’”

“It would be funny, you have to admit,” he chuckles in response.

I just hum in agreement as his finger returns to circling my hole. I rest my head on his shoulder, giving his neck small kisses as he reaches for the bottle again, coating his finger and drizzling some between my cheeks. He’s already starting to harden again, and I make sure to “accidentally” rub up against him a few times as I adjust my position. But then it hits me.

“Um…” I begin, taking a step back. “Condom?”

I guess it must dawn on him at the same time because he looks over at the counter a little confused, like he doesn’t know what happened.

“I…guess I forgot it,” he sighs. “I can go grab—“

“Well,” I cut in. I don’t know if I should be doing this. “I mean, we’ve been together a little while now…”

“Less than a month,” Anders clarifies. Has it really been that short?

“Oh, then um…” I falter. “I just thought that since we were together…but I guess it’s probably too soon, right? I don’t—“

“This isn’t really the most romantic time to be having this discussion,” Anders smirks, pulling me back towards him. “We’re fine. Do you really think I’d let you put my dick in your mouth if you could catch something?”

“Um, maybe?”

He gives me a steady look - what I now call the “Really, Garrett?” look – and then lets out a deep sigh.

“It’s up to you, love. I’m clean.” He gives me a small kiss. “But I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

That’s all I needed to hear, pressing our bodies back together and pulling him into another heated kiss. His hands roam roughly down my back, making their way back to my ass, which he gives another generous squeeze.

He doesn’t waste much time, slowly inserting one finger as he whispers praises in my ear. I don’t feel like waiting, so I push back against his finger eagerly, causing him to laugh.

“Turn around,” he instructs, pointing out of the direct line of the water. He pours some into his hand again, waiting for me to maneuver around him.

I press my hands against the wall and spread my legs slightly, making sure I’m sticking my ass out just a little more than necessary.

“I have assumed the position,” I announce in a deep voice. Instead of the laugh I was expecting I hear a deep sigh and Anders muttering something under his breath.

“I didn’t hear you.”

I don’t get a response to that either, but I do get another firm smack on my ass.

“What was that for!” I cry.

“You just have a very smackable ass, what can I say? I like touching it.” Anders grins, inserting a finger once again. Any response I have planned is cut off by my groan.

“Just relax, love,” Anders murmurs, rubbing soothing circles along my back as he inserts a second finger. I arch my back and let out another low moan, pushing back against his fingers.

“Eager?”

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” I gasp, turning to look at him over my shoulder.

“Please do.”

He’s grinning…and he’s also slowing down his movements.

“Fuck, Anders, keep going,” I whine. “Why are you stopping?”

“I want you to tell me what you want. Step by step.”

Does he really think I’m able to form coherent thoughts right now?

“I want you to keep fingering my ass,” I growl, giving him a quick glare. He picks up the pace a bit, but not enough for my liking.

“Mmm, what else?” he purrs.

“Add another finger.” I let out a small noise of protest when his fingers leave me completely, but they return freshly-slicked a moment later. And sure enough, this time there’s three.

“Fuck, yes,” I pant, pushing back roughly. “Harder…open me up. I want your cock inside me so bad.”

“Do you?” he asks a bit breathlessly. He twists his wrist on the next insertion, crooking them as he finds the spot he was looking for.

“ _FUCK_ ,” I shout, my hips moving of their own accord now. Anders bends over me, still hitting that sweet spot with his fingers as I struggle for as much contact as possible. I’m not going to lie, there’s a little bit more of a thrill this time, knowing he’s (most likely) going to come inside me.

“You should see yourself right now,” he whispers into my ear. “So needy, so desperate. So hungry for me to fill you up. Is that what you want, love?”

“Yes, _please_ ,” I wail. “I need you to fuck me right now. I need your cock, please… _please_.”

“What’s that? Some water got in my ear, I didn’t hear you.”

“Fuck. Me. Now,” I grunt, squeezing my eyes shut.

He presses up a little harder, enough that I see stars and I swear, I’m going to come just from this if he doesn’t hurry up.

“Anders, _please_ ,” I cry again.

“Hmm, I think I need to make you beg more often,” he murmurs, removing his fingers. I don’t respond, struggling to hold myself up.

I feel his dick a moment later, gently pressing against me.

“Are you ready?” Anders asks quietly, running a hand up my side.

“Anders, I swear to God, if your dick isn’t inside me in the next—“

I feel him push inside before I get the rest of my sentence out, roughly driving himself almost entirely in in one thrust. I let out an embarrassingly loud cry as I try and hold myself still enough to adjust to the intrusion. It’s just the right amount of pleasure and pain mixed together and I want _more_.

“ _Fuck_ , keep going.”

“So impatient today,” Anders chastises, one more hard thrust pushing him in completely to the hilt. We both pause, breathing heavily.

“Anders?”

“Yes, love?” He leans over and plants a kiss along my spine.

“If we’re still playing the direction game, I’d really like for you to fuck me now.”

Anders chuckles, pulling out and driving roughly back in.

“ _Fuck_ , yes, just like that,” I groan. “Harder.”

He sets a fast, rough pace, hard enough that my head almost slams into the wall more than once. The shower is full of the wet, crisp slaps of our bodies meeting and my increasingly louder moans.

“Fuck, this is perfect,” I pant, meeting him thrust for thrust.

“You’re perfect,” he corrects, reaching around and finally, _finally_ grabbing my cock. It makes his pace slow down a bit but I don’t care because he just needs to keep doing that with his hand.

“Oh God…fuck… _fuck,_ Anders, just like that.” I’m babbling now, sputtering on the water that’s streaming into my face but I don’t care.

“Keep doing that, _God_ , you feel so fucking good. I’m going to come so hard, just keep fucking me.”

“Garrett… _fuck_.”

His strokes me harder, trying to fuck me faster at the same time but it throws off our rhythm. I try to push his hand away so I can finish myself but he won’t let me.

“I want to feel both,” he insists. “I want to feel you around my cock and feel you come all over my hand. Fuck, Garrett, I want to feel everything…”

We’re both panting, spitting out water and I’m not sure how we’re even still standing at this point. But it feels too good to stop, and I’m already too far gone.

“Do whatever you want,” I moan. “You can fuck me all night if you want…my ass, my mouth, _whatever_. Cover me in your come, fuck me until you can’t anymore, I want it _all_.”

“Holy fuck, Garrett… _fuck_ ,” he cries out, biting hard into my shoulder as he comes. I let out a small shout, followed by an even longer, louder wail as he finally strokes me to completion for the second time, his cock still inside me.

After a few seconds, he finally lets himself slip out and I slump against the wall, both of us panting. The water is growing cool and I’m so tired…so fucking tired. All I can think of right now is curling up in that nice warm bed.

“Oh, shit. I bet our food is here,” Anders reminds me.

Wait…what does he mean, “here?”

“Oh God, do you think the waiter…”

“Hopefully he heard the good parts,” Anders grins, much to my horror. He laughs, turning off the water and stepping out.

“I’m joking, Garrett. I doubt he heard anything, if he even showed up. Don’t worry about it.”

I frown but don’t respond, drying myself off. I sort of linger in the bathroom, waiting for Anders to leave first.

“Are you planning on sleeping in here?” he asks, giving me a confused glance.

“No, I just thought, um…” I look down and start fiddling with my towel, looking for something to do with my hands. “In case there _was_ someone waiting, you probably didn’t want them to see me.”

His face softens and he comes over, giving me a small kiss and he tells me he’ll be right back before walking into the bedroom. I don’t hear anything, but I don’t know if I should go out yet, so I busy myself combing through my hair and drying it the best I can.

“Garrett?” Anders calls a few minutes later. “Food’s here.”

I finally wander out, digging in my bag for a pair of pajama pants before I head into the main room. There’s a cart sitting near the table, and Anders is transferring the contents onto it.

“The waiter knocked right as I finished getting dressed,” he smiles. “Perfect timing.”

The smell of the food reminds me just how hungry I am and my stomach growls loudly. Anders laughs as I give him a sheepish grin.

“Well, we _did_ work up an appetite,” he smirks, giving my ass another smack as he walks to his seat.

I make a big show out of sitting down, wincing and making all kinds of pained noises as I lower myself into what is arguably one of the most comfortable dining chairs I’ve sat in. Not that I have a lot of experience. Anders is unimpressed, however, just watching me with a bemused expression until I settle down.

“That bad, huh?” he asks wryly.

 “ _So_ bad,” I agree. My mouth practically starts drooling once I lift the cover off of my plate, my sore ass forgotten.

We eat until we’re full (Anders also ordered dessert) and I’m ready for bed almost immediately after, but it’s still pretty early. Anders had to take a call from his agent so I wander out onto the deck to get a better view of the city. It’s cooler here than back home, with a nice breeze coming off of the water. Everything is so calm and quiet and…different. I go back inside to grab my phone and try to take a few pictures to send back home, but I can’t quite capture how beautiful it is so I give up trying. I’ll wait until it’s light out and I can actually _see_ something, so I settle for texting Beth instead.

**Me:** _how’s Woofy?_

**Bethany** : _kind of mopey, but fine. He misses you!_

Oh man, I miss him too.

**Me:** _I miss him too :(( give him lots of hugs and kisses for me_

**Bethany** : _I will_

**Bethany:** _But what about you?? Are you having fun?_

I can leave out the finer details of this response.

**Me:** _so far! You’d love it here, Beth. We have to come back sometime_

**Bethany** _: I’m so jealous!! I can’t wait to hear all about it_

We chat a bit longer, until I hear Anders end his call and I tell her I’m going to bed. He wanders out onto the deck a few moments later, stretching and giving me a smile.

“Things good at home?” he asks.

“Woofy misses me,” I sigh, pulling him close. “I’ll just have to hug you all night so I feel less lonely.”

Anders bites his lip, running one hand inside the waistband of my pants.

“Just hug?”

“How are you not exhausted?”

Anders laughs, entwining our fingers together and dragging me back into the room with him.

“Magic.”

* * *

We let ourselves sleep in a little later than we probably should have the next morning. I wake up when I feel Anders moving next to me and I reach out, groping blindly to try and pull him back into bed. I manage to snag part of his arm and he falls back on the bed with a yelp of surprise.

“I di’nt say you could leave,” I mumble. I try to pull him closer, peeking one eye open to see him staring at me fondly.

“I have to get up, love,” he murmurs. “I need to leave in a few hours and I have to eat. And shower. Without you.”

He makes sure he gives me a very pointed look when he says the last part, and I open up my eyes fully when I realize he’s still naked.

“Are you sure I can’t change your mind?” I ask, dramatically throwing off the covers to reveal my own naked body. I do (what I think) is a very seductive hip wiggle once I know I have his attention.

Anders gapes at me for a minute before bursting into laughter.

“I swear to God…” he gasps, wiping his eyes. “Where the hell did I find you?”

“In a bakery. Why are you not seduced?”

He leans over and kisses me quickly before I can pull him back again.

“I am thoroughly seduced,” he replies, stretching as he gets out of bed. I swear he shakes his ass a little, probably just to fuck with me, and I must let out a noise because he looks over his shoulder at me, grinning.

“You’ll have to wait until tonight for me to prove it, though. I’m going to order us breakfast, why don’t you go back to sleep for a bit?”

I grumble and pull the blankets back over my body, squirming until I’m nestled in the middle of the bed and hugging Anders’ pillow. I can hear him faintly moving around in the other room, but I’m back to sleep almost right away.

I wake up I don’t know how long later to Anders gently shaking my shoulder. I smell breakfast before I even open my eyes and my stomach grumbles almost immediately.

“I can hear you laughing at me,” I mutter, tossing a pillow in Anders’ general direction.

“You’re so cranky in the morning,” Anders laughs. “And unless you want me to eat all your food, I suggest you get out of bed.”

I begrudgingly pull myself up, glaring as Anders tries to hide another laugh behind his hand.

“Is it my hair?”

“Maybe,” he snorts. He tosses me my discarded pair of pants from the night before and heads back into the main room.

“Not that I’m opposed to you walking around naked,” he calls. “But I don’t need any distractions this morning.”

“I’m taking offense to that,” I holler back as I step into my pants.

After I make myself presentable, I join him in the other room, where he’s already sitting at the dining table. It looks like he ordered a little bit of everything and it definitely looks like way too much food for only two people. I figure if I pace myself, I can probably eat at least two-thirds of it. Anders doesn’t need anything weighing him down out there. I’m doing this for the good of the team.

Anders is drinking coffee, quietly observing me in between glances at the papers spread out in front of him.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” I ask through a mouthful of French toast.

“I was waiting for you.”

“Well…” I gesture at his empty plate before pushing a few more pieces of bacon onto mine.

“I got these for you,” he says after a few minutes, pushing some of the papers towards me. It looks like the itinerary for the next few days – places to go, things to see, times everything’s happening. I flip through them as I eat, taking note of some of the things I’d like to see.

“How much of this do you want me to do on my own?”

Anders shrugs, pouring himself another cup.

“However much you want. Whatever you don’t see now we can see on Wednesday or Thursday. Or you can lounge around here until it’s time for the games, up to you.”

I nod, thinking. There’s a _lot_ of things to see, not counting any baseball-related stuff. Part of me wants to see as much as possible…but part of me wants to see as much as possible with _Anders_.

“They even have a walking path mapped out,” I comment. “That’s really cool. It takes me right to the stadium, too.”

Anders doesn’t reply, and when I look up, I see him watching me with a small smile on his face.

“What? Is it…not cool?” I start swiping at my beard for good measure, in case there’s some food in there.

“It is,” he smiles. “You’re just concentrating so hard. It’s adorable.”

“Hey,” I protest. “This is important stuff! Who knows when I’ll be back here?”

“I’ll take you back whenever you want.”

I blush a bit and I’m not even sure why. He just sounds so…sincere. And I don’t doubt that he really _would_ bring me back if I wanted. I just…

“You’re spoiling me enough already,” I reply lightly. “Better be careful, I’ll get used to it.”

“So?”

He rests his head on his hand, still giving me that small smile. I don’t know why I feel so weird, but I have no idea what to say right now so I settle for shoving a whole sausage in my mouth and look back at the papers. He clears his throat after a minute, pushing his chair back.

“I should, uh…probably get ready,” he says hastily. He’s looking anywhere except at me, and I’m very confused.

“Anders?”

He smiles, but he looks sad at the same time. _What did I do?_

Now I’m worried. I get up and loop my arms around his neck, giving him a gentle kiss.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, love,” he murmurs. He gives my nose a quick peck but doesn’t elaborate. I’m not letting him off this easily.

He tries to pull away but I hold tight, giving him my best Stern Garrett Look. It works about 30 percent of the time with Woofy, but I’m hoping maybe I’ll have better luck with Anders. I don’t.

“Hey,” I sigh, turning his face towards mine. His face has gone back to that impassive mask and I feel something twist in my gut because I have no idea what I did. Can he read me this easily?

“Thank you,” I continue. “For everything. I mean it.”

He smiles and seems to relax a bit.

“I just want you to have a good time,” he says.

“You know, you don’t have to…I don’t know. Try so hard?”

This. Coming from me. The king of over-eagerness.

I guess I hit a nerve cause he flinches back a bit, a look of embarrassment crossing his face so quick I almost miss it. But it’s enough to make me feel horrible all over again.

_You’re fucking things up. Just stop. Talking._

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, completely ignoring any better judgment. “I just don’t want anything from you. I mean…that’s not what I meant, fuck. I meant that you’ve already done enough. I feel bad. I should also shut up.”

Anders chuckles and gently extracts himself from my grip.

“It’s fine, Garrett, I get it,” he smiles. “The offer still stands, though.”

He gives me a quick peck on the lips and disappears back into the bedroom, leaving me with a burning face and grumbling stomach. I don’t know if it was too much bacon going in my mouth or too much stupidity falling out of it, but I suddenly feel sick.

I sigh and sit at the table again, begrudgingly finishing my breakfast as I plan out my day.

* * *

Anders leaves shortly after breakfast and I take my time washing up and getting dressed. I plan on spending today just sort of wandering around the city and getting a feel for everything. I figure I can make a list as I go of places I want to visit with Anders, and places I’ll visit tomorrow by myself.

It’s hot, but not quite as scorching as Kirkwall when I finally make my way out. The streets are crowded with tourists so it makes it easy for me to sort of mingle amongst everyone while I look around. We can all look lost in a group rather than individually.

Most of the points of interest on my map are historical places, and I wish I had asked Anders how many of these things he’s already seen (or has any interest in at all) as I mark them down on my list. I mean, I know I can just ask him tonight but it would make my life a whole lot easier right _now_.

I’m exhausted after a few hours of wandering around, but I’m happy that despite my mental grumbling I was able to come up with a decent list of things to see over the next few days. I organized it by things I’ll go see alone, things Anders may or may not want to see (aka “the grumbling list”), and then things I definitely want us to go see together.

I want to go check out the statue dedicated to the Grey Wardens in the city center. I don’t know much about the group other than the team in Denerim is named after them, so now I’m curious. I also want to go visit the old secret prison, Velabanchel, whose name I can’t even pronounce so I’m just going to point at it and hope Anders can tell me. And I want to see if I can take a tour at the Archive of the Crows. I secretly call that the Murder Museum but I’m not going to say it out loud. I don’t think Anders will be interested in any of this stuff, and I’m going to assume if they’re the most famous places then he’s already seen them.

On the grumbling list are the royal gardens and the royal palace. I just caught a glimpse of some of the palace towers when I walked by and, while I know nothing about architecture, they were incredibly impressive. I know Beth will kick me if I don’t take at least a few pictures there. A tour of both places supposedly lasts the better part of the day, so it’s the only thing on there.

And then the final section of the list, which has “Me & Anders” written at the top and underlined 20 times, includes the port district. The city is known mainly for three things – wine, leather, and fish – and the streets in this part of the city are just lined with fancy shops, restaurants, bars and the occasional other oddity. I figure it would be a good place for us to spend most of Wednesday, just wandering around, eating and drinking and buying the suitcase full of souvenirs I promised I’d bring home.

It’s an ambitious plan, but if there’s one non-baking skill I have it’s organization (although…I guess that’s kind of part of baking), so I think I can pull it off.

I’m sitting next to the dragon fountain outside the hotel looking at my list when I decide I want to catch some of the open practice before the home run derby. Partially because my legs are tired from walking all day and partially cause I want to see Anders. And…everyone else. Not like I won’t be seeing Anders in a few hours anyway.

I run back up to the room to shower real fast (it is _boiling_ out here) and change clothes before making my way to the stadium. Anders got me a new Champion’s T-shirt and I’m wearing that, but I’m kind of wishing I was wearing a jersey instead. Would it be weird to wear a jersey with my boyfriend’s name on it, even if no one knows he’s my boyfriend? I kind of don’t care and make up my mind to buy one at the stadium if they have them. Plus, jerseys are a little easier to unbutton and air out my chest if I get hot, rather than soak through a t-shirt. I have priorities, okay?

I grab some (okay, a lot) of food and I’m making my way to my seat when a thought occurs to me: who exactly am I going to be sitting with? I had checked online after Anders gave me my ticket and I have _really_ good seats. Right in the first couple rows to the far side of home plate, giving me a perfect view of him pitching…and into the dugout. He wouldn’t admit it, but I think he picked them on purpose.

Since I’m pretty early, there’s not a ton of people milling around yet. I settle into my seat and dig into my food while I look around for Anders, but it’s tough to find him since they’re all in their special All-Star jerseys and wearing different numbers in a lot of cases.

I spot Blackwall easy enough – he’s sort of hard to miss – standing next to Nate Howe, who got selected as a reserve after Alistair Theirin got hurt. I would think Anders would be nearby, but I don’t see him.

I’m about halfway through my second hot dog when I finally spot Anders…storming his way angrily out of the bullpen and right towards the dugout. Everyone is staring at him – players and fans alike – and I tense up, nearly dropping my food. What the hell is wrong?

Howe comes jogging over to him, reaching for his arm as he calls out something, but Anders swats it away.

_Where’s Justice when we need him?_ I think, feeling the panic start to rise in my chest. Maybe it was just another player who doesn’t like Anders. He gets asshole comments all the time, though, he just shrugs them off. It has to be a pretty big deal if he’s this visibly upset.

Howe and Anders look like they’re arguing, even though Anders hasn’t stopped walking. He’s just about close enough that I could call out to him if I wanted, but I bite my tongue.

_“Keep him the fuck away, then,”_ Anders shouts over his shoulder as he makes it to the dugout. I stand up, hoping he’ll see me. Maybe I’ll have the calming presence Justice always seems to have and he’ll relax a bit. At the last minute he _does_ see me, and his expression changes in an instant. He sort of stumbles, like he wants to stop but can’t. He gives me an apologetic look and shakes his head a bit, and then disappears out of sight.

Blackwall comes walking over a minute later, shoving Howe to the side.

“Lemme deal with this,” he says gruffly, following Anders. Howe runs a hand down his face, and I can’t tell whether he looks pissed or worried (or both). He also happens to glance into the stands at the same time, locking eyes with me. He does a double take, brow furrowing like he should know who I am, but doesn’t. I can see the moment it dawns on him and he looks…nervous? He gives me a look very similar to the one Anders just did and then walks away. Okay, what the _fuck_ is going on?

I settle back into my seat, although my interest in practice has pretty much disappeared at this point. I take out my phone and start texting Anders, hoping that he’ll have a free minute to at least tell me he’s okay. I get no reply, and I see Blackwall reemerge from the dugout about 20 minutes later…alone.

**Me:** _Are you okay?? What happened?_

**Me:** _I know you saw me. You left and now Blackwall is back but I don’t see you_

**Me:** _You don’t have to explain now, just let me know you’re all right?_

Nothing. I sigh and slump down into my seat a little as I finish my food. Practice is ending soon and there’s a short interlude while they get the field set up for the festivities tonight. I’m starting to get more and more freaked out the longer I get no response from Anders. But I’m trying to rationalize that maybe he’s not near his phone, or he can’t answer for whatever reason, or pretty much _anything_ other than something horrible has happened to him. I don’t know what that horrible thing could be since he looked perfectly fine walking inside, but my mind automatically assumes the worst.

Once practice is done, I head up to the concourse to a quiet area and try to call Anders. Maybe he just didn’t hear the text message noise. I know his ring tone is really loud, so he can’t ignore this one.

Or…maybe he does, because I get no answer there, either. I leave a message anyway. Maybe he’s in the bathroom or something.

“Hey, um…it’s Garrett. Which…you probably can see.” I sound slightly panicked, which is better than I expected. “Anyway, is everything okay? I’m worried and you didn’t answer my texts and I just want to make sure I don’t have to pick you up from an Antivan jail tonight.” I force a little laugh after that part. “So, um, just shoot me a quick text or something if you can. Bye.”

I let out a sigh and sort of drape myself over the railing as I wait. I don’t know why I think I would get a response immediately, but ten minutes go by before I finally pull myself back up. I have time before the derby starts, so I decide to go shopping instead of sulking in my seat.

I end up spending way too much money (I bought matching jerseys with Anders’ name on them for me and Woofy. I couldn’t resist) but I did manage to get something for everyone. My plan is to get everyone something from the game and something from Antiva itself. Bethany and Carver will obviously get a little extra from the game, but just looking at the amount I spent already makes it look like money is going to be tight from here on out.

I kill a lot of time between shopping and wandering around the ballpark, taking tons of pictures like Bethany wanted, before deciding I’m hungry again. It’s more of a challenge this time, juggling food and the bags, but I manage to get back to my seat right before the introductions start. I don’t recognize any of the people around me (I’m at the end of the row and there’s some sulky teenager next to me. Kind of reminds me of Carver) so I relax a little.

Players that aren’t in the home run derby don’t have to stay and watch the hitting contest, but a lot do anyway. Anders said he would stay and watch…partially to cheer on Blackwall, and partially because he knew I was going to be here and there was no point in going back to an empty hotel room.

Except he’s still nowhere in sight.

I can’t concentrate on the introductions because my head keeps jerking between my phone and the dugout, hoping for some sign Anders is okay. My leg is bouncing wildly and between the two gestures I probably look like I’m mainlining caffeine. The kid next to me keeps shooting me glances out of the corner of his eye and I see him shift away slightly.

I already know I’m bordering on being annoying as hell so I stop myself from texting Anders again. Just when they’re about finished the introductions and getting ready to begin, I see him walk back up the dugout steps and join Howe, leaning on the railing. They put their heads together as they talk and Howe pats him on the back when they break apart. Anders just sort of rests his chin on his hands resting on the railing as he watches, not saying anything else, and he just looks…tired. Like he really doesn’t want to be here. I feel bad and wish I could tell him to go back to the hotel and relax, but I know he wouldn’t listen. Or, you know, see my messages.

The derby starts and I try to sit back in my seat and refocus on the real reason I’m here. Blackwall is the second one to bat and one of the clear favorites to win, but in a competition like this it’s pretty much anything goes.

It’s pretty simple – there are 10 players (five from each league) who take turns trying to hit as many home runs as possible. They get a certain number of pitches in each round, extra points if they hit it a certain length, and finally get weeded down until there’s only two left. It’s basically just a chance for all of us to watch in awe as these guys knock the ball out of the park over and over and over again.

I can’t help but laugh looking at the group standing off to the side. Most of the guys are laughing and joking with each other, yelling out good-natured jabs when one of them goes up to bat. Some of the guys are laughing so hard by the time it’s their turn that they have to wait a minute to compose themselves before they start. The contest is for fun, everything going to charity no matter who wins, so it’s a nice chance for the players to get along before the real game tomorrow night when it _does_ matter. To a certain extent.

But then there’s Blackwall. Standing off to the side a bit, looking like an angry dad with a car full of boys on their way to Little League practice. He’s _so serious_ and it’s hilarious because he reminds me so much of Carver…standing off to the side sulking while Beth and I would goof around, as if he wasn’t allowed to join in on the fun or something.

I zoom in on my phone and take a photo of him, quickly sending it off to both Carver and Bethany.

**Me:** [image attached]

**Me:** _Carver, I see your future_

I caught Blackwall glaring, arms crossed and eyes shifted off to the side as he looks at the younger players laughing loudly at something. It’s so perfectly Carver and Blackwall at the same time.

**Bethany** : _I LOVE IT ahahahahaha_

**Carver:** _stfu_

**Carver:** _I don’t even get it_

I sigh. He’s so dense sometimes.

I’m not in the mood to explain so I’ll hope Beth does it for me. I don’t bother to reply at all, turning my attention (and phone) back to the game. Bethany wanted lots of pictures, so I’m going to give her lots of pictures. Plus a few of the back of Anders for myself. I swear I’m not trying to be creepy. God, I hope no one looks at my phone.

My phone buzzes right as I get ready to take a really good shot and I nearly fling it into the head of the guy in front of me. _That_ would have gone over well.

**Bethany** : _I explained it to him. He’s taking it as a compliment_

Of course he is. Ah well, it’ll be my one nice Carver comment for the month, then (even if it was unintentional).

I put my phone away after I reply, focusing on the tournament again. A handful of these guys I don’t really give a crap about, so I choose to focus on Anders when they’re up instead. He hasn’t moved much, still leaning on the railing. He looks like he’s eating sunflower seeds now, too, cause I see a big bag next to him. Howe leans over every once in a while to say something but doesn’t look like he gets much of a response. Anders doesn’t really look at him, maybe gives him a couple word answer, but otherwise keeps his eyes on the field. Howe’s making an effort, at least. I have to give him credit for that even if it’s not enough. I really, really wish there was a way I could say something to him, but I force myself to focus on the batters instead. Since, you know, it’s kinda what I’m here for to begin with.

I get swept up in the display after a few minutes, distracted as ball after ball goes soaring across the field. I start paying less and less attention to Anders as I cheer every time one goes over the wall, high-fiving and laughing with the people around me.

Blackwall makes it to the second round and things get more heated as they wind down to the final two players. The crowd can tell they’re getting tired and the players themselves are spending less time teasing each other and joking around and more time sort of shuffling in place. It’ll pick back up for the final round, I’m sure, but things are a little more subdued at the moment.

So once the round ends and Blackwall is eliminated, it doesn’t surprise me that Anders decides to leave. It _does_ surprise me the way he leaves, though. He pats Howe on the back and then walks over to Blackwall to shake his hand. It’s the first time I see him smile all night as he congratulates Blackwall, who pulls him into a short hug. Anders goes to step back but Blackwall holds him still, whispering something into his ear before letting him go.

When Anders turns around the smile is gone, and he looks tired more than anything. He starts weaving his way through the other players, nodding at some but ignoring most, until I see him stop short right in front of the steps. He just stands there for a minute, and I have to move out of my seat a little to keep him in my sights as the contest resumes. Everyone’s focus is back on the batters, but I’m not taking my eyes off of my boyfriend.

After a minute, he turns and heads back towards some of the others. I assume he just changed his mind and decided to watch the rest of the derby, but he walks over to a clump of players sitting off to one side. I can’t really see who they are because my view is partially blocked, but I can still see him…and he’s not happy. He leans over and puts his hand on one of the guys’ shoulders and says something to him, but the other player is having none of it and tries to shake him loose. Anders grabs the guy’s jersey and keeps talking until one of the other players finally manages to pull him off. I have no idea what in the hell is going on right now but I want to be out of this seat and with him.

He just shoots the other player a look and storms back the way he came, finally disappearing through the door. I have my phone out immediately, hoping that maybe _now_ he’ll finally check his messages.

**Me:** _what the fuck is going on tonight?? are you okay?_

I give it a few minutes and get no reply. I’m _really_ tired of playing this game. Maybe he doesn’t have his phone near him, but I’m thinking it’s more likely he’s just ignoring me.

**Me:** _I’m heading back to the hotel now._

**Me:** _I don’t know what’s going on, but please…text or call me when you can so I know you’re okay_

I’ve lost interest in the derby now anyway, so I grab my stuff and start to make the walk back to the hotel, but change my mind after a few minutes and flag down a cab instead. Not that I think Anders will get back before I do, but I’m impatient to be there when he does.

The room’s empty…clean, but otherwise the way I left it earlier in the day. I throw my stuff in the corner and decide to take a quick shower to wash off the grime and sweat of the day, and even after I get out Anders still hasn’t returned.

I take a seat on the couch, phone in hand as I make myself comfortable. I guess at this point all I can do is wait.

* * *

I jump up as soon as I hear the door opening a little while later. Anders staggers in, looking completely exhausted and avoiding my eyes.

“Are you okay?” I demand, grabbing him by the shoulders to stop him before he can brush past me into the other room.

He shrugs me off, dropping his bag in the middle of the floor and starts peeling off his clothes.

“I’m fine, Garrett. Sorry I didn’t answer your texts.”

“Just ‘sorry?’ Do you know how fucking worried I was?” I’m trying really hard not to get upset but it’s not working very well.

Anders doesn’t say anything as he strips down to his underwear and heads into the bathroom. I follow a few steps behind. I don’t even care if I’m being annoying at this point, he owes me an explanation.  

He walks over to the bathtub and turns on the water, glancing at me as he grabs a towel.

“Why were you worried? Nothing happened.”

“But I didn’t know that!” I shout in exasperation. “I was there, I could _see_ you, remember?” What is he not understanding here?

He just shrugs, reaching in to test the water before brushing past me back into the other room. I follow again, like a lost puppy, waiting for him to give me a real answer. Why is he acting like this?

We walk back into the main room where he makes a beeline right to the bar, grabbing a bottle of something and a glass before he heads back into the bathroom.

“Is…that a good idea?” I ask, doubtfully.

“Garrett…” Anders swings around irritably, sighing and closing his eyes for a moment. “I just need some time alone, okay? Just…did you eat? Why don’t you order us some food?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Well, I am,” he says in a tone that means he doesn’t want an argument. “Order me something light and I’ll be out when I’m done my bath.”

He walks back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I flop down in the closest seat, drooping over with my head in my hands. Why is he mad at me? Am I being too demanding? I just needed to know he was okay and now I’m even more worried than I was before, if possible.

“Fuck it,” I mutter. I make sure he locked the door to the room behind him and change into my pajamas, curling up on my side of the bed. He can order his own damn food if he’s that hungry.

I’m too keyed up to actually fall asleep, but I’m able to doze off enough that I don’t hear him come out of the bathroom…only aware that he did so when I feel him behind me, draping an arm over my waist.

“Are you awake?” he whispers, pressing a small kiss to my bare shoulder.

I don’t answer, I just shift over a little more away from him. I know I’m acting childish but I don’t really care right now.

Anders starts running a hand up and down my arm, I guess waiting to see if I actually say anything. Hello, Anders. Let me introduce you to Stubborn Garrett.

“Garrett…love…” he pleads, tugging on my arm, trying to get me to roll over. I peek at him a little over my shoulder but don’t move otherwise.

“Can you come over here so I can explain?”

I roll over with a huff but avoid looking at him. I can tell that he’s smiling and it just makes me more annoyed. He’s not allowed to smile after being such an ass.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, running a finger along my beard. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Forgive me?”

I finally look at him. Scowl at him is probably more appropriate.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?”

His smile freezes a bit but he relaxes a second later.

“I just had to see someone I have a…very unpleasant relationship with, and it upset me.”

“Was it Vael?” I gasp.

“No, love,” he laughs. “I mean, I _did_ see him, but I can ignore him easily enough by now.”

He scoots forward, close enough that he can give me a gentle kiss.

“So who was it then?” I ask when he pulls back.

“It doesn’t matter,” he replies, playing with a piece of my hair. That same smile is still plastered on his face and I can tell he’s not going to tell me easily.

“It bothered you that much, it must matter,” I insist.

He sighs, face dropping.

“An old teammate that I didn’t expect to be here – has no _reason_ to be here - and I have no interest in ever seeing again. Bad blood. I’ll explain it sometime when I’m not so tired, I promise. It just caught me off-guard.”

Anders rolls onto his back after that and I mentally kick myself for upsetting him again.

“Hey,” I whisper, sliding over and resting my head on his chest. His fingers tangle into my hair and we just lie there for a bit. I finally prop my head up and look over at him, and he gives me a small – but more genuine – smile.

“Anything I can do to make you feel better?” I tease.

“I’m sure there’s lots,” he chuckles. “But I’m too tired to move, love.”

“I never said you had to move,” I smirk, reaching my hand into his pants. He lets out a small noise but places a hand on top of mine, stilling it.

“You don’t have to, Garrett,” he reassures me. “I’m fine just cuddling like this.”

“It’ll help you relax,” I insist.

He pulls my hand out and entwines our fingers together, giving me another smile.

“I’m relaxing fine like this,” he murmurs.

I sigh a little but if this is what he wants, I’m okay with it.

We stay curled up together, but neither one of us says anything else. I’m starting to think he fell asleep on me, so I gently try to roll back onto my side of the bed so I don’t wake him up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Anders asks, giving me a sleepy smile.

“I didn’t want to wake Sleeping Beauty,” I tease back, kissing him softly.

He laughs at that, now more awake and just shakes his head.

“Right. _You’re_ one to talk.”

“Pffft.” I roll my eyes but I’m secretly really happy he’s in a better mood.

“So…I’ve been wondering something,” he begins after a brief pause.

“Oh?”

“I’m just curious…” He hesitates for a minute, and I swear he blushes a little. Now he really has my interest.

“I’m just curious,” he repeats, “what you thought about me the first time we met.”

I burst out laughing and yeah, he’s _definitely_ blushing. And avoiding eye contact, a slightly bashful smile on his face as he toys with my fingers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.

“Do you want a serious answer?” I ask, wiping my eyes with my free hand. He gives me a small nod so I continue.

“Well…I already knew who you were. Obviously,” I begin. “I was sort of in shock that you were there. I guess I thought…I don’t know. You’re rich and famous, you probably had your own pastry chef to make things if you wanted them.”

Anders starts laughing at that, once again giving me an incredulous look.

“ _Really_ , Garrett? I think we have very different ideas on how to spend my money.”

I grin and nudge him with my knee.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be serious.” I stop and think for a minute, trying to decide how to best put it into words without sounding like a stalker.

“I remember thinking that you were even more handsome in person. And you were nice…I wasn’t expecting you to be nice.” He gives me another confused look at that.

“You know the way the media makes you look,” I scoff, rolling my eyes. “You’re the ‘bad boy’…the rebel. I was more expecting you to throw some change in my face and walk away. If you even acknowledged I was there at all.”

He’s giving me a very perplexed smile, but I keep going anyway.

“I honestly don’t remember a whole lot, I was kinda freaking out at the time,” I admit. “You know by now how I am.”

“That I do,” he chuckles, but it’s fond.

“And I _definitely_ didn’t expect you to come back a second time. I really didn’t know what to think then.”

He shifts a little at that, looking away again with that same bashful smile.

“Why did you all of a sudden want to know this?” I ask, now genuinely curious myself. “What did _you_ think? Besides being blown away by my world class croissant-making abilities, of course.”

“Ahhh…” he hesitates, laughing quietly again. “Something like that, yeah.”

“You know you can’t just leave it at that.” I give him another nudge and bring our clasped hands up to my lips, giving his a small kiss.

“So, uhh… remember the second time I came by?” he asks, like I could forget. “I was a little frantic.”

He pauses again, giving me a curious look.

“You really don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?” I sit up a little, confused.

“Well, it’s probably better this way,” he mutters before shaking his head, laughing a little.

“I stopped by the bakery a few times before I finally caught you,” he explains, glancing at me to gauge my reaction. “I swear, you were never working. I was afraid you quit.”

He starts absentmindedly playing with my fingers again as he continues.

“The poor girl you work with probably thought I was a stalker, I kept asking if you were there every time I would come in.”

_HIM_ , _the stalker!_ God, I can’t wait to tell Beth.

“So you kept coming to the bakery…just to see me?” I repeat slowly. I’m dreaming. I have to be.

“How many times do I have to tell you, love?” Anders smirks. “I always know what I want. And I wanted _you_. From the first time I saw you.”

I think my chest is going to explode. Would it be really unmanly to cry right now? Cause I kinda feel like crying. _Calm down, Garrett. You can handle this._

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I blurt out, definitely _not_ handling this.

“Is it such a shock?” he grins. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

He rolls over, mimicking our earlier position except this time I’m on my back and he’s resting his head on my chest.

“You know…” he continues, tracing designs on my stomach. “I had the tickets with me that night. I was going to give them to you then, but I chickened out.”

He grins as I burst into laughter all over again.

“ _YOU_? Intimidated by something? Now I’m sure I’m dreaming.”

“It’s true,” he teases. “I was afraid I was coming on too strong. So I bolted.”

My head is swimming. I want to ask _more_. I want every little detail, but just this bit that he’s revealed tonight is almost overwhelming. I can’t even process it.

“Garrett?”

I snap back to reality and realize Anders had been saying something else, but I zoned out.

“Sorry,” I apologize sheepishly. “This is…kind of a lot for me to comprehend right now.”

He sighs, rolling back over.

“I weirded you out, didn’t I?”

“What? No!” I shout, probably louder than I should have, considering he’s right next to me. “I’m flattered…just, I don’t know. In awe.” How can I even explain this? I can barely explain things properly under the best of circumstances, let alone with my brain short-circuiting like it is right now.

“You are such a weirdo,” he says fondly, giving me a small kiss as he pulls the covers up and over us, turning off the lights before curling back up next to me.

“But you’re _my_ weirdo,” he murmurs, wrapping an arm around my waist. “And that’s what counts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone feels a little better about how Garrett's trip is going so far! This ended a LOT sappier than I originally planned lol. I've gotten a bunch of requests recently from people wanting to know/see Anders' side of this whole series, but part of me sort of thinks that would ruin the feel of the story (it's written in first person for a reason). So this was my way of compromising, I guess? A tiny glimpse from Anders. But there's oh so much more he could say.
> 
> You can probably see for sure now why I split these into 3 chapters. Ch. 14 and 15 took me 2 months to write, but since I posted them so close together I'll feel a little less guilty if it takes me another 2 months to finish ch. 16. *cough* Since that'll be at least as long as this. 
> 
> As usual, comments, kudos, etc. are always more than welcome! I'm very interested in hearing what you all have to say about a few different parts in this one, lol. You're all wonderful, and thank you SO much again for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the All-Star Game has finally arrived! Garrett makes a new friend (or two), goes sightseeing and gets lost in a bathroom, and all eyes are on Anders at the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't bore you all with another long-winded apology for taking so long with this chapter, cause any of you who follow me on tumblr probably know how MIA I've been the last couple months cause of works (70+ hour weeks will do that to you).
> 
> And because I said I would post this chapter on the day of the REAL All-Star Game (which is, indeed, today) I kind of pushed myself a little so I didn't put in nearly as much editing time as I normally would. Excuse any errors and I hope the quality hasn't suffered too much. If I waited to give it proper editing time it would have been another week, at least, until I posted lol.
> 
> I kinda trash talk Sebastian quite a bit in this chapter. Or, well, Garrett does. Mostly lots of glaring and grumbling about him playing on the same team as Anders, but I do it often enough that I figured I'd mention it.
> 
> Fair warning, this chapter is around 17k words long. Get comfortable.
> 
> Edited to add: there is more baseball-speak than usual in this chapter (since a big chunk is at the game). It's okay if it doesn't make sense.

I wake up earlier than I expect the next morning. Anders is still asleep, curled up against my side with an arm flung across my waist. I try not to move so I don’t wake him…he has a big day ahead of him, and far be it for me to make him more tired than he already is.

Plus, I love watching him sleep. In a totally non-creepy way. 

I shift on my side a little to get a better look at him, and I have to bite back a laugh. He sleeps with his mouth open and his face smooshed almost entirely into the pillow, and I have no idea how he can breathe like that. It doesn’t look like it could possibly be comfortable.

He must sense that I’m awake though because he cracks one eye open a moment later, giving me a sleepy smile.

“Hi,” he murmurs, shifting, his voice still husky from sleep.

“Hi, yourself.”

He repositions us so that I’m on my back with his head resting on my stomach. We don’t say anything, just lie there with my fingers running up and down his side. I’m starting to think he’s fallen back asleep when he sneezes, causing me to jump a little.

“Your chest hair is itching my nose.”

“I’m not shaving it,” I warn.

“I’m not asking you to.” He gives me a smirk, lolling his head back so he can look at me. “Just pointing out facts.”

“You need to get up soon,” I remind him. “I think you have a pretty important game today. If we’re pointing out facts.”

“Fine, smartass,” he grins, sitting up. “See what happens the next time _you_ want to cuddle.”

“But!” I start to protest, but Anders leans back over and gives me a kiss, cutting it off.

“I’m just teasing, love. Why don’t you pick out some breakfast and I’ll order it before I jump into the shower?”

We order breakfast and he takes a shower while I lounge in bed a little longer, flipping through the photos on my phone that I took yesterday. I have a particularly good one of Anders doing a stretch where his ass is very prominently on display.

I keep that one up on the screen when I hear Anders turn off the water, reappearing in the room a couple seconds later. He stops short, giving me a suspicious look.

“Why are you smiling like that?”

“I’m thinking of making this my new wallpaper,” I reply, holding up my phone for him to see.

“ _Jesus_ , Garrett,” he laughs, looking closer. “I hope you took pictures of something other than my ass. Although…it does look pretty good. I can’t believe you don’t try to fuck me more often.”

He smirks as he turns away to finish drying his hair, leaving me gaping at him with a rapidly growing hardness between my legs.

“ _No_ seducing this early in the morning, I have to go to work,” he says pointedly, turning around as if reading my mind. Or, you know, looking down at the tent in the sheets.

I sigh, flopping back down and throwing an arm over my face dramatically.

“Fine, fine. Just…give me a minute to collect myself.”

“Breakfast will be here soon,” he reminds me.

“Can we have breakfast in bed?”

“Maybe tomorrow, love,” he replies absentmindedly as he finishes buttoning his shirt. He turns to me and nudges my foot with his shoe before putting it on, glancing at my waning yet still obvious erection.

“Is the rest of you going to get up, or do I need to give you two a minute alone?”

I make a small noise of protest and gesture wildly between him and my crotch. Now he’s just being cruel.

Anders laughs and shakes his head, reaching for my hand to pull me out of bed. He sighs once I’m up and on full display, giving my softening erection a wistful look.

I give him a half-hearted glare, grumbling as I look for my pajama pants.

“Don’t be cranky, my love,” Anders teases. He wraps his arms around me from behind, giving my bare shoulder a small kiss. “We’ll have plenty of time to take full advantage of each other later.”

With another little kiss he releases me and starts whistling as he heads into the main room to wait for the food. Why do I feel like this is going to be a long day?

* * *

Once Anders leaves I pull out my list of things I want to see today. There’s not a ton on there since I’ll be doing the bulk tomorrow with him. We went over my lists last night before we slept and he decided he wanted to come with me for a lot more of them than I expected, which was a pleasant surprise. He’d already seen the Grey Warden statue and had no interest in seeing the palace or gardens, so I’ll knock those out on my own today and hope we can fit the rest of them in during the next day and a half.

But even with my shortened list, I want to make sure I have plenty of time to get to the park before the game. I want to see the whole pre-game show and wander around the block party thing they have going on right outside of the ballpark. I figure if I go right to the palace and do an abbreviated version of the tour that should give me enough time to come back to the hotel and shower, charge my phone, and then follow that walking path from the hotel to the stadium with plenty of time to spare.

I make the brief bus ride to the palace, and I’m blown away as soon as I see it. It’s even bigger than I expected.

 _That would have been such a great ‘that’s what she said’ joke if Anders was here_ , I sigh to myself.

The palace sits way back with the grounds in the front covered in a maze of hedges, flowers, and fountains. People are milling about and taking photos, reminding me to grab my phone and do the same.

I want to make sure the pictures I get here are amazing – for Beth’s sake, mostly -  so I find a bench and with my added height I’m able to get a few pretty awesome wide shots showing the mazes with the palace in the background. I see a couple people take notice of what I’m doing and soon enough more people are standing on benches and low walls to take their photos. I jump down quickly and make my way toward the doors. If someone falls and cracks their head open I don’t need anyone pointing and blaming me for being a bad influence.

Inside the palace it’s just as impressive, with huge arches lining the entranceways, ornate furniture and decorations in every corner and elaborate floor to ceiling frescos covering the wall.

Actually, I’m just as impressed that I remembered the word “fresco” as I am with the rooms.

The building is a little overwhelming, so I try to take as many photos as I can and hope they do the speaking for me. Although I do make some notes in my head when I come across something particularly unique…this place would make an awesome gingerbread house, come the holidays.

They have the option for a guided tour, or you can pick up a map and walk the grounds at your own pace. I opt for the second choice since I don’t think I’ll have the patience for the upwards of three hours they claim the tour will take.

I make another mental note that the next time I come here – and I’m determined there _will_ be a next time, with Anders or without – I will take the tour, because the palace becomes very confusing, very quickly. The rooms are all distinguishable, but the layout is so majestic, with so many winding hallways and smaller rooms off of other rooms off of other rooms that I get lost. I think I end up trapped in a bathroom the size of my apartment for almost ten minutes before I figure out which door is the exit.

 _This wouldn’t happen if Anders was here_ , I think glumly as I finally free myself from my bathroom prison. _Or Bethany. Or Fenris. Although Isabela would probably keep us trapped in here on purpose…_ I can at least comfort myself that, if anything, Carver would have gotten lost even faster than me.

I finish up at the palace about 300 photos later and make my way back to the hotel for my pit stop. It’s hot as hell outside, and I’m congratulating myself on the good idea when I’m stopped dead in my tracks.

“Excuse me!” I shout, running up to the confused couple ahead of me. “Can I take a picture of your dog? He looks _just_ like my dog.”

The woman laughs and gestures towards the man holding the leash, who’s wearing a huge, floppy hat and looks almost as happy as me.

“Ask my friend, it’s his,” she says.

I kneel right there on the sidewalk so I’m eye-level with Woofy’s twin and start scratching him behind the ears.

“You have a dog like this too?” the man asks excitedly. “I never see dogs like him!”

“I do,” I beam proudly. “His name’s Woofy, and he’s the best dog ever. Is it really okay if I take a picture?”

“Oh, yes!” the man nods eagerly. “His name is Dog. I thought it was fitting.”

“Everyone can already tell he’s a dog, you goof. I’ve told you that before,” the woman next to him pipes up. She turns and looks at Garrett, making a face.

“He’s also got two rabbits – one named Bunny and the other Mr. Hare. Real creative, this one.”

“I like rabbits,” the man agrees. “And you love them too, Sera.”

“Never said I didn’t,” the woman – Sera – retorts, laughing before turning towards Garrett again. “Anyway, we need to get going. Got friends waiting for us and I don’t want to be late. Again.”

“Oh, sorry,” I apologize, ducking my head a little. I probably would have stayed here the rest of the afternoon if it meant I could play with Dog.

I quickly snap a couple pictures as Dog gives me a curious (and very Woofy-esque) look.

“Thanks again,” I smile. “I’m Garrett, by the way. Have fun with him, mine’s my best friend.”

“I’m Cole,” the man says. “And thank you. I hope you have a nice time at the baseball game.”

“Stop talking,” Sera huffs, tugging Cole’s arm. “We need to go.”

“It was nice to meet you!” He smiles, giving me a little wave over his shoulder as he gets pulled down the road by both dog and friend.  

I look through my pictures real fast, happy that they all came out really well. Especially for such a weird experience. How did he even know I was going to the game? I’m not wearing my Champs shirt this morning.

Now that I think about it, I should have asked if they were visiting for the game too, because I’d love to know if there was a hotel I could stay at that would allow dogs. I look back up, intending to sprint over to them for the second time, but they already disappeared.

 **Me:** [attachment]

 **Me:** _!!!!!!!_

 **Bethany** : _are you taking photos of strange dogs again??_

 **Bethany** : _awww he looks just like Woofs. How cute._

 **Me:** _I know!! I saw him as I was leaving the palace_

 **Bethany** : _Garrettttttt_

I can feel the whining through the phone.

 **Bethany:** _send me some of those pictures?? I want to see THAT more than this random dog_

 **Me:** _let me get back to the hotel first. Gotta get changed before I head to the stadium_

She sends me a string of angry faces, and I count that as an okay.

Once I get back to the hotel, I shower and change in record time, double checking that I have my tickets, the walking path map, and any other essentials. I send a few photos to Bethany, so I don’t end up with a string of emoji-laden texts later, and then I head out.

Despite getting lost in the palace, I’m actually really good at reading directions, so I manage to stay on track the whole way to the stadium. The path has us walking through a lot of the major highlights of the city along the way. Most of them I just pause at for a moment or two because I’ll be coming back with Anders, but I do spend a bit of time at the Grey Warden statue.

It’s even more impressive than it looked in the photos, showing several Wardens ferociously fighting in a battle. I manage to push my way through to get close enough to read the placard in front after I take my pictures.

_The great city of Antiva was an early casualty in one of the first battles of the Fourth Blight. Led by General Andoral, the opposing army took the nation by surprise with only Antiva City remaining, having closed its gates to fortify the city. King Elaudio and Queen Giuvana of the royal family sought aid from the legendary Grey Warden regiment, who bravely evacuated the city before facing the enemy head on. Most of the Wardens fell, including Warden-Commander Turab._

_Depicted here are Warden siblings Garahel and Isseya, along with Amadis Vael of the royal house of Starkhaven, and Calien of the Antivan Crows. The group fearlessly led a diversionary attack on the army, allowing the surviving Wardens to evacuate the remaining civilians of the city before escaping themselves._

Wait, so…is _Vael_ related to this woman? This was so many years ago, I’m sure the family line has been diluted by now. Although it _would_ explain a lot of his annoying sense of entitlement…

Regardless, I’m impressed. I think I probably slept through history class when we were learning about the Blights. I know one hit my birth town in Ferelden, but Kirkwall managed to escape pretty much unscathed, so I probably didn’t care. I kinda wish I had paid attention more now, if I knew it was this exciting.

 _I bet Anders would make a good Grey Warden_ , I muse, goofy grin on my face as I picture him in one of those uniforms. Knowing him, he’d try and take on an army himself. Or he wouldn’t bother showing up until he felt like it. I can’t see him being very fond of following orders.

I smirk to myself, totally lost in my thoughts and I almost walk into a family taking up half the sidewalk as I reach the outskirts of the stadium complex. I can hear the music and see the tip of a Ferris wheel before I can see anything else, and I pick up my pace a little as a new sense of excitement fills me. I got a glimpse of the festivities yesterday but didn’t bother to properly look around since I knew I would be coming back today.

They’ve closed off a huge part of the block and surrounding parking lots and turned it into an almost carnival-like atmosphere with the ballpark looming in the background. There’s live music on a big stage at the north end of the lot. A makeshift batting cage with a dozen stalls sits off to one side with mini-clinics being mixed in around the area. Smaller rides and food stands take up most of the rest of the outdoor space, and a sign promises more inside the building next door.

It’s kind of overwhelming being here alone, if I’m being honest with myself, and I’m glad I got here early because I want to see as much as possible before I head to my seat.

I’m not even sure where to start, but once I get a better look, I realize there’s not much outside that appeals to me. The band is okay, but I have no interest standing around watching them. The batting cage and clinics are almost all kids, and I’m too big for most of the rides.

Except the Ferris wheel. I bet I can get some _awesome_ pictures from up there. Beth will love me forever. Or, well, she kinda has to anyway, but whatever. It’s one of the big wheels, not the kiddy size most places seem to put up, which makes it even more impressive.

The line is pretty long, and I’m assuming everyone has the same idea, but I wait anyway, looking through some of the booklets and other things I picked up on my loop of the lot.

As soon as it’s my turn to get on my stomach is filled by same giddy exhilaration I used to get as a kid when the twins and I would all cram into one car together. My parents made me sit in the middle (so I could hold on to each of them, they said) but we’d only make it about a quarter of the way up before one of them would reach out and clutch the other’s little hand, giving me my own makeshift seatbelt for the remainder of the ride. I laugh a little trying to imagine the three of us fighting to fit together on one now…and I can guarantee Carver sure as hell wouldn’t let anyone try to hold his hand.

Once I get a fair distance off the ground I start taking pictures - mostly of the stuff right below me, but pretty soon we’re high enough to see partially into the ballpark, and the Rialto Bay comes looming into view. It’s so beautiful, and I know I’m staring in open-mouthed awe as we ascend, completely forgetting my phone.

It’s only once we come to a halting stop – with me nearly at the top, to my delight – that I remember the photos and start contorting myself around to take as many as I can before we start moving again. I can see a lot of the parts of the city I just walked through from here, although some are blocked by taller buildings. It’s an incredible view either way, and this alone makes it worth coming.

Once the ride ends, I head inside the other building and THIS is much more up my alley. It looks like it’s normally some kind of warehouse, but today it’s jam-packed with booths selling merchandise, places to take novelty photos and even a few autograph booths. There’s another stage set up towards the front of the room, but after a quick scan of the schedule, I see that there’s nothing I want to stay for.

Since I had already bought a ton of stuff yesterday, I don’t really plan on buying much of anything today unless something really jumps out at me. I take my time wandering around the booths, though, picking up some freebies and a couple other trinkets for everyone back home.

There’s a ton of photos and other memorabilia featuring Anders, and I’m struck by that same surreal feeling I keep getting every time I see something of his out in public. And it’s usually all I can do to keep from telling everyone I see that he’s my boyfriend. That incredible man whose autographed photo you’re selling for hundreds of dollars was curled up around me this morning, drooling on his pillow.

A quick glance at my phone tells me we’re only about an hour and a half before the pre-game show starts. I figure I’ll be spending at least half of that waiting in line to get inside and get food, so I decide to head in and make myself comfortable for a bit. You’d think standing and running around at the bakery all day would prepare me for standing and running around this city, but it did not. At all.

* * *

By the time I make it to my seat I see the surly teenager from yesterday has been replaced by an oddly familiar, pretty woman, probably around my age. I give her a friendly nod hello and she smiles back.

I get myself settled and decide to tie up my hair before I eat, and it isn’t until then that the woman speaks up.

“I’m sorry,” she says, lightly touching my arm. “But have we met? You look really familiar.”

“Um, I don’t think so,” I reply, pushing some stray hair behind my ear. “Unless you’re from Kirkwall.”

Her eyes light up and she smiles.

“Oh! I live in Kirkwall right now, maybe that’s it.”

She holds out her hand.

“I’m Neria Howe, Nathaniel Howe’s wife.”

I shake her hand, feeling more nervous than I hope I look. If she figures out who I am it isn’t that much of a jump to figure out how I got here. And then what am I supposed to say? That I just happened to get tickets with the other players’ families? That I managed to get tickets at all? Total coincidence that I was at the party and then got these premium seats! _What do I do?_ Oh God, I’m starting to panic. I didn’t prepare for this! Maybe I can ask one of the police officers to get Anders real fast so I can ask him what to say.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I smile, impressed that my voice sounds normal. “Or, erm, meet you again. We did meet once, a few weeks ago. At your party? Garrett Hawke.”

A look of recognition crosses her face, and she smiles even wider.

“ _Oh,_ the baker! Now I remember you. Your food was amazing.”

I laugh nervously, thanking her. She doesn’t seem confused by my presence, unwrapping her own hot dog as I start eating mine.

“Nate isn’t starting,” she says conversationally after a moment. “But I’m hoping he’ll get to at bat, at least. If not play a whole inning.”

She takes another bite and chews slowly.

“But at least you’ll get to see Anders for a few innings, so that’s good.”

My head snaps over to look at her, but her face hasn’t changed. She’s still eating, glancing between her food and the field. She just said it so _casually_ , like it’s common knowledge. _Shit, shit, shit._

“Yeah, um,” I let out that same nervous laugh. “I’m looking forward to watching everyone, not Anders. I mean, not just Anders. I mean, everyone is here to see him, he’s the best one out there.”

I shut my eyes and let out a long sigh. _Shut up, Garrett, you’re only making yourself look worse._

“Sorry, not that your husband isn’t good, he really is! I’m sure lots of people are here to see him, too. He’s probably my second favorite player out there.” _Good save._

“Blackwall is really good, too!” I squint at the field, trying desperately to find anyone else I can recognize. “And um…no, not Vael…oh and—“

“Garrett,” Neria says softly, laying her tiny hand on my arm again. She looks like she wants to burst out laughing, but I can see some sympathy in her eyes as well.

“It’s fine, no one else knows,” she murmurs, giving my arm a little squeeze. “I don’t think even Nate knows for sure. Don’t worry.”

“Then how do _you_ know?” I reply, frowning.

She lets out a little laugh, giving me a knowing look.

“I could tell as soon as I saw Anders at the party. That man only had eyes for you.”

I feel some fluttering in my stomach, a little thrown off by the news. It makes me really happy to hear, on one hand, but on the other hand…if she could see it, who’s to say other people didn’t also?

“So, do you have a special recipe for those brownies?” she continues. “Because I think I ate about ten of them that night.”

Wait. Wait, wait, _wait_. She can’t just go changing subjects like that on me. _Nor_ is she getting my brownie recipe. I’m going to be freaking out the entire night now.

“I’m sorry, I just…” How do I even say this? “He doesn’t want anyone to know.”

She glances at me again as she chews. Slowly. How does one person eat so slowly? This is driving me insane.

“I don’t think anyone really _does_ know,” she finally says. “I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure until now.”

Me and my big fucking mouth, _shit_.

“Please don’t say anything.” I’m not above begging right now. I’d rather beg and not have Anders kill me. Or worse…break up with me.

“Relax, Garrett. I won’t say a word. And if anyone asks who you are – which I don’t think they will because I don’t know anyone here – I’ll tell them you’re my friend and here with me.”

She smiles, and I start to feel a little better. She has a very good…I don’t know, aura or something about her. She seems like a nice person, and it might help to have a friend here. I smile back, and she nudges me playfully with her shoulder.

“And, for the record, I’ve never heard anyone else mention it, and Nate would have told me. So I really don’t think anyone else knows.”

“Justice does,” I snort. And my siblings. And my friends… But I’m not going to bring that up.

“Okay, aside from Justice,” she grins. She leans closer, voice dropping to a whisper. “Isn’t he a little scary? I mean, he never _smiles_. How can someone be so serious all the time? The first time I met him those eyes just stared into my skull, like he was judging every life choice I ever made. I thought he was going to start lecturing me.”

“ _Oh my God!”_ I whisper back. “He _did_ lecture me, at the party! It was terrifying.”

She pulls back with a look of horror on her face before leaning back in.

“Now you have to tell me everything.”

* * *

We end up spending half of the pre-pre-game time laughing and getting to know each other. I’ve managed to convince her that Justice is actually a decent guy (although no less terrifying) and she gave me some tips on how to navigate this whole…experience.

“So,” I begin, taking a handful of popcorn out of the bag we’re sharing. “What’s it like? I mean…” I wave my hand vaguely towards the field. “All this.”

“All what?”

I blush a little when I realize how presumptuous I probably sound. She’s been married to Howe for a few years, and I’ve been dating Anders for a few weeks. Obviously, it’s not going to be the same.

“Like…” I begin, hastily trying to find the right words. “When you started dating, I guess. Was it different than dating a regular person?”

“Nate _is_ a regular person,” Neria grins. “But I know what you mean.”

She thinks for a minute before answering.

“It was a little different,” she finally says. “We started dating when he was still in the minors, though. We could go out and no one knew who he was. A lot of people probably still don’t.”

She laughs, and I give her a small smile.

“The hardest part is having him gone so much,” she shrugs. “You’ve probably already gotten a little taste of that, though, right?”

I nod, although it really hasn’t hit me too hard yet. When Anders is on the road we still talk every night, even for a few minutes. Although I guess I can’t really expect that to keep up forever. Right?

“It’s not so bad when they’re playing at home,” she continues. “We get a good chunk of the day together. But I’m usually asleep by the time he gets home. And when he’s on the road, even if we talk or text, it’s not quite the same.”

“Do you ever travel with him?”

“Sometimes,” she shrugs. “My family is from Denerim, so I usually visit them when he plays there. I’m friendly with a couple of the other wives, so sometimes we make plans to travel together. That way we’re not sitting alone, bored, all day.”

She grins again and I nod, although my stomach sinks at the words. Not that I _want_ to be friends with these people – my own friends are more than enough, thank you – but I can already feel the exclusion that I know is going to come if we stay together. Not that it should even matter, because it’s not like Anders is going to let anyone know about me anyway.

I try to swallow my bitterness with another mouthful of popcorn, but Neria must realize something changed.

“I don’t really have a lot of contact with them most of the time, though,” she adds. “We do some charity events and appearances a few times a year, but everyone sort of has their own lives, you know?”

I nod but don’t say anything, giving her what I hope is an encouraging smile. I know she’s trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate it, but it’s going to nag at me for a while.

“I’m not saying it’s not going to be hard,” she says after a minute. “And probably more so for you with Anders being…Anders.”

I laugh a little at that and she perks up, some of the apprehension leaving her face.

“But don’t worry about it too much, yeah?” She nudges me a little with her elbow. “You can always talk to me if you need to.”

“Thanks,” I smile. “Really, I mean it.”

“Anders is a good guy,” she says, taking some more popcorn. “Even with the attitude. I think you’ll be good for him. Although I don’t know how you even _deal_ with that attitude. I’d smack Nate if he acted like that around me.”

“What do you mean?” I frown, confused. Does he really not let down his act for _anyone_?

“I don’t know,” she says around a mouthful of food, shrugging. “He just seems really…cocky. Like he’s better than everyone else.”

“He _is_ better than everyone else.”

Neria rolls her eyes, shaking her head even as she grins at me.

“I take back what I said, you’re not helping his ego,” she laughs. “You know what I mean. The few times I’ve spoken to him privately he’s been okay, but every other time he either has that arrogant smirk on his face or he looks like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world except where he is. It’s very off-putting.”

This is all veeery interesting. I need to play this right…I need _someone_ to give me some outside info on him.

“I’m pretty sure he’s doing it to _seem_ off-putting,” I shrug. “He’s not like that at all around me.”

“Really?” she asks, shifting in her seat a little to look at me.

“I mean, I don’t know _why_ he’s acting like that,” I add. “But it’s just the impression I get.”

Am I giving away secrets here? I probably shouldn’t say too much. _Be vague, Garrett. Pretend you don’t know anything_. Oh, wait. I don’t. I’m already two steps ahead of myself.

“So what _is_ he like then?”

“When we’re not fucking?” I blurt out before I can stop myself. _Fuck_.

Neria claps a hand over her mouth, looking at me wide-eyed as she tries to stifle a giggle. I groan, covering my own face.

“I didn’t say that!” I laugh. “He’s a perfect gentleman. So am I! We’re perfect gentleman who…I don’t know…definitely do not spend a lot of our time having sex,” I finish weakly.

She finally gives in, throwing her head back as she starts laughing. I’m trying to shush her once I see heads start turning in our direction. The last thing I need is attention right now.

“Oh my God,” she gasps, wiping her eyes. “I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. If you had asked me that question six years ago, I probably would have said the same thing.”

I give her a look of total mock outrage.

“I can’t believe you were fucking my boyfriend six years ago!”

This sends her into another peal of laughter, and I can’t help but join in this time.

“You jerk,” she laughs, throwing a piece of popcorn at my face. “You know what I mean. But I’m glad to hear it. …No, no I don’t want to hear the details.”

She holds her hands up, shushing me when I open my mouth. Not that I was planning on telling her.

“I’m glad to hear that he treats you well,” she corrects herself. “I’m…assuming he does, when you’re not um, otherwise engaged?”

She lifts an eyebrow and shoots me a look that says, “You better say yes or I’m kicking someone’s ass later.” I think she should meet Beth and Bela. They’d get along wonderfully.

“He does,” I smile, suddenly shy. “He’s been spoiling me rotten on this trip. I keep telling him to stop but, I don’t know…it’s kind of a long story.”

Part of me really wants to explain everything, starting from the party – _her_ party – up until now, but I have to remind myself that she’s still pretty much a total stranger. And I’ve probably already said more than I should.

“I won’t be nosy,” she smiles. “But I really _am_ happy to hear it. I don’t know him very well, but he’s definitely been different the last month or so. I’m guessing that’s thanks to you.”

“Good different?”

“Definitely good different,” she agrees. “Nate’s said so. He seems a lot more relaxed, which makes everyone a little more relaxed. Some of the guys are kinda protective of him, you know?”

No, I don’t know.

“Why would they be protective of Anders?”

My brow furrows as I look at her, trying to make sense of it. Before she can answer, however, the loudspeaker crackles to life, signaling the start of the pre-game show.

 _NO_. I need answers!

“Crap,” Neria mutters, grabbing her bag. “I wanted to go to the bathroom before it started.”

I slide out of the aisle so she can get out.

“Do you want me to grab anything on my way back?” she calls over her shoulder.

“I’m good.” I shake my head, sitting back down and rubbing the bridge of my nose. No, I’m not good. I’m determined to bring up the topic again when I get a chance, but part of me knows I need to be satisfied with what I got.

* * *

Neria ends up stopping to get food anyway and brings me back a beer and another hot dog, waving it off as her gift for listening to her talk so much. I feel like it should be the other way around…she’s the one helping me out here.

The pre-game show goes pretty much how I expected. Some music, some fireworks, some history and highlights from this season and past seasons. They’re honoring a couple Hall of Famers, so there’s a whole big thing for them, too.

After about 45 minutes of all this, I’m starting to get impatient. Neria and I have kept up the chit-chat, but it’s hard with as loud as everything is. And I don’t know if she actually wants to pay attention, so I don’t want to ruin the experience for her. But needless to say, my leg is bouncing like crazy after a while, my hand joining it as they tap in some uneven rhythm.

Finally, _finally_ they clear the field and we have a short intermission. Next up will be the player introductions. I can see Anders now warming up in the bullpen on the other side of the field, but he should be coming in for the intros. I haven’t felt this excited since Opening Day.

My phone is sitting forgotten on my lap since I’ve been taking pictures on and off the whole time, so when I feel it suddenly buzz I almost fling it across the aisle. Neria gives me a smirk, but I just shake it off. She doesn’t need to know how jumpy I am right now.

 **Bethany** : _are you excited?? I’M SO EXCITED FOR YOU_

 **Me:** _it’s REALLY exciting!! I wish you guys were here_

 **Me:** _I also made a new friend. Remind me to tell you later_

 **Bethany:** _“friend”?_

 **Bethany _:_** _is it another dog?_

Why would she even think that?

 **Me:** _NO, it’s not a dog. It’s a person, and I’ll tell you later_

 **Me:** _I’m taking a ton of pictures btw, so you better thank me_

 **Bethany** : _best brother ever award, coming right up_

 **Bethany** _: …don’t tell Carver I said that_

I chuckle to myself as I turn my attention back to the field. Judging by the lack of people standing on it, they’re getting ready to start the introductions. They’ll introduce the reserve players first, by league, and then introduce the starters one by one. I can vaguely see Anders still warming up in the bullpen, but he’s on the opposite side of the field and it’s tough to see much other than the blur of his uniform.

Neria is starting to bounce excitedly in her seat as she cranes her neck towards the dugout. I can’t see Howe but I _can_ see Blackwall, so I’m sure he’s close by.

The music flares up briefly, and everyone starts cheering as the public address announcer tells everyone they’re about to begin. I can barely contain my excitement…the mood in the park has suddenly gone from calm anticipation to frantic energy, and it’s contagious.

I keep sneaking glances towards Anders, but he hasn’t made any move to leave the bullpen yet. I squint my eyes a little, trying to gauge how he’s meshing with a different catcher.

“It’s not the same,” I mumble under my breath.

“Hmm?” Neria asks, giving me a weird look.

“Nothing, just wishing Justice was here.”

Neria lifts an eyebrow and lets out a huff of mock annoyance.

“I didn’t realize my company was so…un-terrifying.”

“No, no!” I protest. I point towards the bullpen where Anders has stopped throwing and is doing some stretches, chatting with the other catcher.

“I just meant I wish Justice was catching Anders. Not him keeping me company. No,” I shake my head vehemently. “Definitely not that.”

She laughs, patting my arm before pointing at the field, squirming in her seat. She really does remind me a lot of Bethany, and I feel another pang of guilt and homesickness wash over me.

I shake it off as they start to announce the reserve players. Each one is announced by name and team as they make a row along the first and third base lines. Even if they’re not starting, these guys are the best from their teams so I know them, with varying degrees of likability.

Howe is coming up after the next player, and we can see him standing on the steps waiting for his name to be called. I hadn’t realized it was his first All-Star Game until Neria told me this evening, and she’s on her feet as soon as she spots him.

“ _From the Kirkwall Champions - first baseman, number eight, Nathaniel Howe!”_

“THAT’S MY MAN!” Neria screams, almost directly in my ear, and she starts jumping up and down, cheering wildly. I stand as well, clapping and whistling along with her. She starts waving at the field – even though Howe isn’t looking anywhere in our direction – and I feel like I’d be doing the exact same thing with Anders if I didn’t want to draw attention to myself.

Neria gives me a quick hug before we both sit back down and listen to the rest of the reserve players being announced. My anticipation is growing the closer we get to the starters. Because of the order they’re announcing everyone, Anders should be the very last name called. I’d make a “save the best for last” joke but I’m afraid it might offend Neria so I stay quiet.

I sneak another glance towards the bullpen where Anders is still stretching. The catcher has disappeared, presumably to take his place in the dugout to wait for his name to be called. I guess they’re going to announce Anders’ name from there.

They call the last reserve’s name and things get quiet for a moment before new music comes booming out of the speakers. Everyone starts cheering like crazy all over again as we see the starters lining up in the dugout, laughing and talking with each other.

Which is one of the things I love best about this game. Most of these guys don’t really know each other well, probably never played together on the same team. And here they are, flung together for the glory and honor of their leagues…and to gain home-field advantage in the World Series. So while it’s “important” to win, it’s not really important. As much as the media might want to complain and say this game needs to be played strategically like any other, this is about them having fun. It’s the fans getting to see all the top players in baseball come together and compete against one another and have a good time. They can put aside their feuds or on-field grudges or whatever and be friendly, at least for one night.

Hell, I can even see Vael walking around the dugout with a big smile on his face, chatting like he doesn’t think he’s better than everyone else in there…

Okay, okay…I’m not going to let my dislike for the guy taint this day.

They announce the Western League team first, and these are the guys I’m more unfamiliar with. Players from the teams in places like Nevarra, Orlais, and Tevinter. I know who they are, obviously, but I only get to see them play the Champs maybe once a year during interleague play, if that. They’re good, and I’m excited to watch them, but I really just want them to get to Anders.

Finally, we get to the Eastern League team, and both Neria and I both break into a new round of enthusiastic applause. I might be a little biased, but to me it sounds like the crowd is a lot more excited to see these guys. Which…I guess makes sense, with Antiva being in our league. Most of the crowd is home town fans.

They start making their way through the lineup, and I can barely keep myself still, I’m so excited. Blackwall gets announced, and we both start cheering really loudly as he lumbers onto the field. Somehow he’s the only person who’s managed _not_ to look excited about being here.

I figure it’ll be pretty obvious if I don’t cheer for Vael, considering the way I’ve been screaming about everyone else…so as much as it pains me to do so, I give him some half-hearted applause. _No one can ever know about this_ , I grumble to myself.

They’re just about to the end of the lineup, and I see Anders open the bullpen door as he waits for his name to be called. He’s still kind of stretching as he waits and I wish they would just shove the rest of the team out on the field so they can get to him.

Neria must be able to feel the impatience radiating off of me because she latches on to my arm, bouncing excitedly. I give her a little squeeze in return and we exchange grins before looking back towards the field, right as they announce Anders’ name.

I’m getting déjà vu from Opening Day, watching and listening to the crowd erupt into their loudest cheers yet as Anders jogs across the field to join the rest of the team.

I laugh in pure delirium, high on adrenaline and pride and I don’t even know what else. I take a second to look around in wonder at the crowd…there’s no question who they came here to see, and I can only imagine how much Anders is loving every second of it.

Anders takes his spot at the end of the line, giving the crowd a wave and one of his trademark smirks as the camera zooms in on him. The applause only intensifies, deafening now in its force. The player next to Anders leans over to whisper (or shout, most likely) something in his ear, and whatever he says turns the smirk into a full-fledged grin as the other man starts pointing at Anders and giving an over-exaggerated cheer. Anders looks down at the ground, shaking his head as he laughs, and the crowd is eating it up.

“What do you think he said?” Neria asks.

“No idea,” I laugh. “But it must have been something good to get that reaction.”

It makes me so happy to see him out there having a good time, none of the pressure of a usual game resting on his shoulders and receiving the recognition and admiration he deserves. Not that he isn’t treated like a king on normal occasions, but it’s one thing to get that attention from your home crowd…it’s a whole other thing to get it from everyone.

Things finally calm down and they finish up the last bits of the opening ceremony before the game gets ready to begin. Everyone starts settling down in their seats, but I’m so keyed up I don’t want to move. I finally feel a tug on my arm and see Neria grinning and gesturing to my seat with her head.

I sigh dramatically and plop down, only to immediately lean over and rest my arms on the railing in front of us, bouncing my leg full speed. I’m _too distracted_ to calm down right now, how can anyone expect me to sit still??

Anders takes the mound as I’m struggling to gain my composure, obviously not having the same problem as he looks more relaxed in a game than I’ve seen him in a while. Especially considering the “incident” yesterday. He looks cool and in charge as the rest of the team settles in behind him, like they play together every day.

My leg hasn’t stopped as I wait impatiently for the game to actually start. _Why_ am I so nervous? You’d think it was the World Series with as worked up as I am right now.

Suddenly, a hot dog is obstructing my vision, causing me to sit back in confusion.

“Here,” Neria insists, poking me in the face with the food. “Eat something, it’ll help you relax.”

“It will _not_ ,” I argue like a petulant child, but I take the hot dog anyway.

“He’ll be fine, Garrett,” she laughs.

I _know_ he will be, but I can’t exactly control myself in times like this. They just need to hurry up and start. I’m sure I’ll feel better once he throws his first pitch.

Neria pats me on the back as I take an angry bite of my hot dog, glaring at the field like it’s done something to personally offend me. _Why_ are they taking so long? I know realistically that they aren’t going any slower than a normal game, but I’m so amped up right now it feels like I’ve been sitting here for days.

The first batter finally steps up to the plate and even though everyone else is cheering – for Anders or for the batter, I don’t know – I’m holding my breath. My anxiety is for nothing though, because Anders sinks a perfect curveball right across the middle of the plate, completely baffling the batter.

I let out a small cheer, nearly squishing the rest of my hot dog as I clench my fist in victory. I can hear Neria giggling next to me but I ignore her for the moment.

Anders makes short work of the first batter, striking him out on four pitches, and the next two batters go down almost as effortlessly. I finally sit back, fixing Neria with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” I grin. “I get a little carried away sometimes.”

“Oh, _really_?” she deadpans. “I couldn’t tell.”

I roll my eyes and she starts laughing, tossing a piece of popcorn at me.

We settle in – or, I should say, _I_ settle in – and go back to our easy conversation as we watch the game. There’s no hitting in the first inning, the opposing pitcher not nearly as good as Anders (in my opinion) but good enough that he gets the first three batters out on our side as well.

Blackwall gets a hit – a double – in the second inning, much to our delight, but doesn’t score. We get through three scoreless innings before I hear Neria sigh next to me at the start of the fourth.

“How long do you think they’ll keep Anders in?” she asks.

“He’s doing well,” I shrug. “Probably another inning? Maybe two?”

“It’s not a real game, Garrett,” she replies, a slight whine in her voice. “Tell him to do something fun. Throw with his back turned to the batter or something.”

I look at her, slightly horrified, but I get what she means. The atmosphere has kind of died down as they moved on, the players almost automatically snapping into “real game” mode and playing as they would any other day. Which, to be fair, isn’t always the most exciting thing to watch. Unless you’re like me and would sit here for 10 hours.

“Well, if our team would start hitting it would liven things up a little,” I counter. “Anders is doing what he’s supposed to. The _other_ pitcher should start doing something fun. Like giving Blackwall a home run pitch.”

Neria nods and hums in agreement. I think she’s at the point where she just wants Howe to come in for a bit so she can take her own flurry of pictures like I’ve been doing for the last hour.

We finally get some excitement the next inning when someone on the opposing team hits a long fly ball to right field, which is promptly dropped by one of the outfielders. Anders looks pissed, and I can’t blame him. That was a routine catch, there’s no reason that guy should have dropped it, but now they have a man on second base.

“How is this guy an all-star?” I snap, gesturing to the outfield. “My dog would have made a better catch than that.” To be fair, Woofy is an excellent catcher.

“It’ll be fine,” Neria comforts me, paying slightly more attention now that something is going on. “Anders will get the next guy out and we’ll move on.”

Except he doesn’t.

The next batter hits the ball right out of reach of Vael’s glove – another ball that should have been at least stopped, if not caught – and now Anders is livid. Luckily, the guy on second base wasn’t able to score, but now there’s two people on base thanks to two poor plays in the field.

I know Anders is blaming himself right now, but I also saw the gesture he made when Vael missed the ball so I’m sure he’s putting at least some of the blame on that jackass. I’m putting _all_ the blame on him, but that’s neither here nor there.

The catcher calls a time out and everyone jogs to the mound to talk to Anders briefly. It’s normally just the infielders who come in, but Blackwall sprints in (as close as he _can_ sprint, anyway) as well, and I can see him talking to Anders. Anders nods in reply and visibly calms down as they all go back to their positions.  

I don’t even realize my leg has started bouncing again until Neria reaches over and squeezes my knee, giving me a reassuring smile. I let out a frustrated sigh but try to calm down. If Anders can do it, so can I.

The next guy up is really good, which is partially why I’m so worried. If these other two got on base through flukes, this is the kind of guy that can take advantage of the situation and blow the game open. It doesn’t help matters when the first pitch Anders throws is a ball.

“He’s testing him,” I state matter-of-factly, trying to assuage my own fears even though I doubt Neria is paying attention. “He wants to see if he’ll swing at anything.”

But I’m wrong, and I see the catcher gesture to Anders to walk the batter intentionally. Anders shakes his head no, throwing his arms in the air in disbelief as he shouts something and I love him a little more for it. He knows he can get the guy out on his own without forcing a play. Things like this are why he’s both loved and hated throughout the game…anyone else would have been told off for such an outright display.

“Let him pitch!” I stand and shout, cupping my hands around my mouth. Other people around me start taking up the call, yelling in support of Anders. I see the catcher turn and look at the manager in confusion, as if to say, “what do you want me to do?” I fully expect the manager to stick to his guns, but he sort of glances at the crowd and, with a small grin, gives the catcher a dismissive wave, basically telling him to do whatever he wants.

The catcher drops back down into his normal stance and everyone cheers. Even the batter is grinning and shaking his head before stepping back up to the plate.

“This is much more like it,” Neria comments with a smile. “We’re supposed to be having _fun_!”

“Yeah,” I reluctantly agree, although I’m laughing along with everyone else. I still want Anders to get him out, though.

The next pitch is a blazing fastball right down the middle that the batter can do nothing but look at, and we all cheer again. Anders smirks, and everyone knows he’s showing off.

Everything that happens next is so fast, I have to watch the replay later to figure out what happened.

Anders throws another fastball, but this time the batter connects and it’s a rocket right on course to land between the second and third basemen, guaranteeing at least one run, probably two.

Except Anders catches it.

He goes diving to the side, crashing to the ground with a noticeable grimace of pain as he lands, ball still firmly in his glove. The runners are too late noticing the catch, assuming it fell in for a hit, and each of them starts sprinting for the next base. Anders forces himself up enough to whip the ball to the catcher, who tags the lead runner out. The catcher quickly throws to third base, tagging the bag for good measure, but the umpire has already ruled it a double play.

There’s lots of shouting going on – both in favor of and against the play – but I don’t notice any of it because Anders is still on the ground, holding his arm. His teammates come jogging over, as does the athletic trainer, and help him to his feet.

I can feel the heavy lump of fear in my throat as I watch the trainer gently touch and rotate his arm. At some point Neria snakes her arm through mine, other hand covering her mouth as she watches in horror with me.

 _Please, please, please let him be okay_. The words keep repeating themselves over and over in my head as my body breaks out into a cold sweat. _God_ , I wish I could jump down there and help.

Anders finally gives a nod, moving his arm slowly on his own and everyone cheers. His teammates are giving him celebratory pats as they run by, and I’m so relieved I don’t even realize it’s the end of the inning. They must have reviewed the play and upheld it while I was slowly drowning in my dread.

“There’s no way they’re going to let him go back out there after this,” I mutter, watching on the screen as the manager speaks to Anders, patting him on his good arm as Anders nods again. The crowd realizes he’s done and a second later Anders reappears at the top of the steps, waving his hat in thanks to our cheers.

I’m still freaking out, though, and I know I will be until I can talk to him. I think of sending a message on the off chance he might check his phone. When I look, however, I see I have about 50 missed texts instead. Okay, there’s only maybe 10 and most are from Beth, but it still seems like a lot.

 **Bethany** : _this inning is crazy! I can’t believe I didn’t see you charging the field at Vael lol_

 **Bethany _:_** _poor Anders, I’d be so pissed if I was him right now_

 **Bethany** _: GARRETT WHAT HAPPENED_

 **Bethany** _: is Anders okay??_

 **Bethany** _: THE ANNOUNCERS AREN’T HELPING, IS HE HURT??_

 **Merrill** : _Garrett! :(( Is Anders okay? Carver said he’s too busy to text you but he wants to know_

 **Merrill:** _Also, hello! I hope you’re having a wonderful time! ^^_

 **Bethany** _: GARRETT WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING ME_

 **Bethany** _: okay, they said he’s going to be fine_

 **Bethany** _: you didn’t break your phone, did you?_

I sigh, opting to answer Merrill first. I’m tempted to get a dig in at Carver (I already know “busy” is code word for “lazy” when it comes to him), but I resist, just telling her Anders looks okay and I’m having a great time. Bethany is going to require an actual conversation, however.

 **Me:** _I was too distraught watching my boyfriend collapse, sorry I wasn’t looking at my phone!!!_

 **Me:** _he looks okay though. I’ll let you know for sure once I can actually talk to him_

I send a string of crying emojis and Beth only responds with “GOOD!” so I switch over to Anders’ name and send him a message.

 **Me:** _are you okay?? I know you probably won’t see this til after the game but I’m freaking out and I hope you’re fine and you just let me know if I have to kick someone’s ass cause I will jump over this railing right now_

There. That’ll put the fear of God into…something. At least I feel a little better.

I slump into my seat, not even realizing that half an inning has gone by. Neria stands and I move out of the way so she can make it to the aisle.

“I’m going to run to the ladies room, want me to stop and get you anything on the way back?”

“Nah,” I shake my head dejectedly. I’m trying not to pout. I really am.

Not long after she leaves I feel my phone vibrate again. It’s got to be Bethany, and I don’t really feel like chatting right now.

I give in to temptation a moment later anyway and let out some kind of strangled gasp when I see it’s Anders.

 **Anders:** _I’m fine love, just a little sore. Enjoy the rest of the game, see you tonight xxoo_

Thank GOD. That’s basically the gist of what I write back to him, feeling infinitely more relieved than I did five minutes ago.

“I miss anything exciting?” Neria asks, reappearing at my side holding a soda and bucket of fries, both of which she promptly shoves at me.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re trying to fatten me up,” I respond dryly.

She snatches them both back after she sits, lifting an eyebrow.

“Or you were holding them for me like the polite gentleman you are while I sit down,” she retorts.

I let out a very ungentlemanly snort and she grins, holding out the food in offering. I – very politely, mind you – shake my head no. I think all of the tension of the last half hour has effectively killed my appetite. For now.

“Anders sent me a text,” I murmur, leaning over conspiratorially. Neria eyebrows shoot up as lets out a little gasp, gaping at me.

“A good text?”

“He’s okay,” I confirm. “Just a little so– hey, there’s Nate.”

She lets out a much larger gasp at that, fumbling with her food as she tries to dig her phone out of her bag. I take pity on her and take the fries and she shoots me a grateful look as she stands to get some pictures.

They announce Howe as a pinch hitter for this inning and I’m hoping for her sake that he gets to play a little too. She’s so proud she’s nearly bursting, switching from photos to video as he steps up to the plate. I take a few shots of my own, figuring if I get anything good I can share later.

He manages to draw a walk…not the most exciting thing to have happen, but at least he’s on base. And Neria is thrilled anyway, squirming in her seat a little as she finally sits, grinning from ear to ear. I put an arm around her, pulling her into a half-hug and that only makes her smile more.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” she announces a minute later, turning to take her food back. “This wouldn’t have been nearly as fun with someone else.”

I think I’ve hardly been very entertaining to sit with, but I agree with the sentiment.

“Same here,” I smile. “It was nice feeling like I belong…or something.” I didn’t realize the relief I would have, being around someone from the outside who knows.

That sounds more pitiful than I meant it to be and she gives me a quick sympathetic smile.

“It’ll get better,” she assures me. “For now, I’ll be greedy and keep you all to myself while I can.”

I let out a loud, genuine laugh that quickly turns into a cheer as Howe makes it to third base. Anders drama aside, this has turned out to be a pretty awesome night.

* * *

Our team ends up winning 1-0 in the end. The rest of the game was fairly anti-climactic, and I’m sure Anders’ spectacular catch is going to be the main highlight on all the sports shows tonight and tomorrow.

He told me not to wait around the park for him after the game because he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be stuck there. I say my goodbyes to Neria, exchanging numbers as we give each other a big hug and promise to keep in touch. I’m feeling really good right now, and I’m anxious to get back to the hotel to celebrate properly with Anders.

I decide to take one of the shuttles back instead of walking. I’m so impatient I’d probably end up sprinting the entire way and then collapsing onto the bed before Anders even gets in.

The shuttle is crowded, but everyone is in a good mood, with lots of laughing and good-natured taunts being tossed around. I’m biting my tongue, wanting so bad to start bragging about my amazingly perfect boyfriend who (in my opinion) single-handedly won the game for them, but I keep my mouth shut.

Once I get to the hotel I _do_ finally allow myself to sprint to the room, having to insert the keycard about six times before I finally manage to get the door open. I dump all my bags in a corner and sort of bounce around the room a few times trying to decide what to do. Should I risk a quick shower and possibly miss Anders getting back? Will he be hungry? Maybe I should order some food and just wait. Or I could do both and have him return to food _and_ a clean boyfriend.

I stagger around, checking my phone a few times and debating the merits of my options. I don’t know how much time passes, but before I can make up my mind I hear the beep of the lock and the door opens a minute later, a very tired-looking but happy Anders staggering inside.

I don’t waste any time, crossing the room in a few long steps and (gently) pressing him against the now-closed door. A brief look of surprise flashes across his face and I linger just out of reach, watching him bite his lip in anticipation.

“You are fucking amazing, you know that?” I grin, my own lips just a breath away.

“Someone might have told me that once or twice,” Anders smirks, the cocky jerk. Not that he’s lying.

He rests his hands on my hips, urging me closer. I don’t fight it, pressing myself against his body and finally giving him the kiss that I’ve been dying to all day. I could stay lost in his mouth the entire night, but I pull away after a few brief moments.

“I’m so proud of you,” I murmur, planting one more small kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“It’s not a big deal,” he replies, suddenly shy.

“Sure it is,” I argue. “You won the game and now when the Champs are in the World Series, you’ll have home field advantage.”

“Pretty confident we’re making it, huh?” Anders chuckles, but he does look pretty pleased.

“I know it…are you sure you okay?” I ask, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.

Anders nods, giving me a reassuring smile.

“I’ll be sore for a couple days but it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

Appeased, I can’t resist giving him another quick kiss before I start walking further into the room, dragging him with me. We end up falling onto the couch, sprawling at either end with our legs entwined in the middle. Neither of us says anything, the adrenaline crash and exhaustion from the day finally catching up.

“This is a really comfortable couch,” Anders murmurs sleepily a few seconds later. I glance over, and he already looks half asleep.

I nudge his leg gently with my foot, earning a lazy smile in return.

“Are you hungry? I can order something for us.”

“Mmm…” Anders yawns, stretching. “Maybe something small.”

“Steak?”

“I was thinking more like a slice of pizza,” he laughs. “But feel free to order yourself a steak if you want it, love. Did you not eat at the game?”

 _The game!_ Right, I have a ton of things I want to tell him.

“I did!” I exclaim. “ _So_ much. And I made a friend – Nate Howe’s wife, Neria – and I think between us we ate like 10 hot dogs.” I pause for a moment, thinking. “Although six or seven of those were probably mine. But anyway, and then I had some popcorn and ice cream and French fries and, um…I think I’m forgetting something…”

Anders is giving me a bemused grin, and I shut up once I realize I’ve been babbling.

“And you’re still hungry, after all that?”

“Well, kinda…” I blush, scratching my beard. “I don’t need to eat, though. I just thought maybe you would be hungry.”

“They had food waiting for us after the game,” Anders admits. He sits up and scoots over so he’s resting between my legs, back against my chest. “But I decided to come back here instead.”

I wrap my arms around him, fighting the urge to squeeze him with all the happiness and amazement I feel swelling up in my chest. He came back here, to _me_ , instead of hanging out with the other players.

I can’t resist leaning over his shoulder to give him another soft, lingering kiss. He smiles up at me, a content look on his face as he closes his eyes and gets more comfortable.

“Thank you,” I whisper. I’m suddenly feeling very emotional. God, please don’t let me start tearing up. I don’t think we’re at the “look at Garrett ugly cry” level of our relationship yet.

“For what?” he murmurs, amused. “It’s not every day I get to come home to an incredibly attractive man waiting for me. Besides, I think you would have been happier around all that food, from what your stomach is telling me.”

As if on cue, my stomach grumbles a little. I let out an embarrassed sigh, resting my head on the couch cushion.

“How about I order us a pizza, then?” I suggest. “I kinda need to shower, too.”

“You do,” Anders nods against my chest, agreeing. I nudge him with my knee, which just makes him smile wider.

“Do you, um…want to join me?”

“I already showered, love,” he replies, sitting up. He turns to give me a quick kiss before standing.

“Go ahead. I’ll order the pizza, and it’ll probably be here when you’re done.”

I can’t help but feel a little disappointed, but I try not to let it show. I must not do a very good job, though, cause Anders reaches down a moment later, running his fingers down the side of my face.

“Go shower,” he repeats. “We have the next two days free to do whatever we want.”

He raises his eyebrows before giving me a smirk and leaving to find the menu. I sigh, forcing myself up and into the bedroom to strip before losing myself under the hot water.

 _He’s right_ , I tell myself as the water beats onto my face. We have two whole days and three nights all to ourselves. _The things he could do to me…_

Okay. Bad train of thought.

I turn the water a little colder as I try to convince myself I’m being ridiculous. He’s got to be tired. He’s semi-injured. I shouldn’t be greedy and push for anything.

I turn off the water, reaching blindly for a towel as I step out.

 _I should do something nice_ , I think as I dry off. What he needs tonight is comfort food, a soft bed and maybe a massage or a good movie until we fall asleep.

Or he could pound his boyfriend into the mattress. Also a good option.

“Pizza’s here, love!” Anders calls from the other room, distracting me from my own distracting thoughts.

“Be there in a minute,” I shout back.

 _Calm down, Garrett. Think of something other than your dick for five minutes_.

The smell of the pizza is thankfully luring me out of my head and into the living room as Anders reclines once more on the couch, flipping through the channels with one hand as the other holds a half-eaten slice.

“I ordered an extra-large,” he explains, gesturing to the meat lovers pie seducing me from the table.

“How did you know I love meat?” I sigh longingly as I flop next to him, reaching for my own piece.

“I wonder,” he smirks, cocking an eyebrow. “And you can make your own meat-loving jokes, I’m not walking into that one.”

I groan in disappointment, although it comes out more like a choked gurgle with my mouth full of food.

“I think I saw a dog movie coming on in a few minutes,” he adds casually. “You interested?”

This man knows the way to my heart.

* * *

We wake up the next morning in another tangle of limbs and sheets and the first thought that makes its way into my sleepy brain is _I could get used to this_.

Anders is still asleep pressed up against me, one arm curled possessively around my waist. I kind of love the fact that this seems to be his natural sleeping position with me and I really don’t want to move. I need to memorize this feeling because I know it’s going to slip away all too soon.

I shift gingerly to face him, careful not to move his arm as I slip my own over his waist. I’m almost afraid I do wake him because he makes a little grunt, face kind of scrunching up in confusion, but all he does is pull me in tighter. Which I’m all too happy to let him do.

I’m content and comfortable enough that I must let myself doze off a little, only to wake up a short time later to Anders running a hand gently up and down my side.

“Mmph,” I mumble, blinking my eyes. “Morning. Sorry, I fell asleep.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point of ‘going to sleep’, love,” Anders chuckles. Right. He doesn’t know I was awake earlier, totally not staring at him like a weirdo. Again.

“You know what I mean,” I reply, nudging him with my shoulder as I yawn.

“I have no idea what you mean, but you’re adorable when you first wake up, have I told you that?”

He gives me a soft smile before pressing a chaste kiss to my lips and my brain kind of short circuits. Over something as simple and innocent as a little kiss. _What is this man doing to me?_

“I’ve been thinking the same thing the last few days when I watched you sleep,” I whisper in what I hope is my most seductive voi... _fuck._

I cringe, squeezing my eyes shut and preparing to push away so I don’t have to see the look of horror or disgust on his face at my admission, only to hear him chuckle and pull me closer.

“Oh really?” Anders asks in amusement. “And what do I do that’s so adorable?”

“Nothing,” I reply quickly. Maybe if I keep my mouth shut I can keep the damage to a minimum.

“So me doing nothing is adorable?” Anders lifts an eyebrow at me, fighting to keep the grin from returning to his face. “It’s a wonder I haven’t seduced the whole country by now.”

“No, that’s not what I…” I sign, pressing my face into the pillow in defeat.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just tend to wake up earlier than you and you’re very…cuddly,” I finish sheepishly. “I like it. I like feeling like you want to keep me close.”

His face softens a little at that, the teasing gone, and he pulls me in for another kiss. This one lasts a little longer, has a little more force, and I’m tempted to just keep it going and hope I can maybe kiss him into submission. That works in the movies, right?

“Of course I want you close, love,” he whispers with a smile. “You’re so weird sometimes.”

“I’m weird most of the time,” I confirm, but I’m silently relieved at his words. I guess he’s not going to run for the hills. At least not before I make it to the shower. Then all bets are off.

“I can’t argue with that,” he grins, finally letting me go and rolling onto his back, stretching.

“So, I’m assuming you have the whole day planned out?” he asks with a smirk, changing the subject.

“Um…”

Surprisingly, I didn’t actually _plan_ plan anything. I kinda thought he would take the lead on this one.

“I have my list,” I start. “But I figured we could just kind of head out and see things at our own pace? I mean…you know the city better than I do.”

“Which is to say not very much at all,” Anders laughs. “I don’t do much sightseeing when I’m here. But I’m sure we’ll figure things out.”

He smiles warmly at me, so happy and relaxed and part of me really would love to just stay in the room the entire day. Order more room service, snuggle on the couch and watch bad movies…basically all the same things we can do at home, except with no one to bother us.

“Do you want to eat before we go, or…?”

“Let’s have breakfast out for once,” Anders decides, throwing off the sheets. “We can decide where we want to start our tour while we eat.”

I hum distractedly in agreement, my mind already having moved on to more important matters.

“So…what are the rules for today?” I ask tentatively.

“What do you mean?” Anders glances up at me, confused expression on his face as he tugs on his shoes.

“You know,” I shrug. “Are we still playing by the Howe Party Rules or am I allowed to acknowledge that I know you?”

Anders flinches a little at the words and I immediately feel bad. I didn’t mean for that to sound as harsh as it did. I open my mouth to apologize, but he beats me to the punch.

“Modified rules,” he smiles faintly. “Just no, ah…outward displays of affection?”

“So no kisses?” Anders shakes his head no.

“Hand holding?” An unhappy sigh and another no.

“Dragging you into a back alley for a blowjob?” He at least pretends to think about that one.

“How about we just see how things go?” he finally says. 

I let out my own melodramatic sigh before flashing him (what I hope is) an understanding smile.

I’ll get used to this. I have to.

* * *

It’s somehow very liberating and very terrifying being out in public like this with Anders. We haven’t really been out anywhere back home, and while he normally wouldn’t have been as recognizable in Antiva (probably), there’s sure to be a lot of fans still here from the game, and who _doesn’t_ know him by now? Anders doesn’t seem too fazed, however, and I’m too excited to let it distract me for long.

The weather is absolutely beautiful and it only heightens our moods. I keep grinning at him like a dork, and it’s all I can do not to grab his hand as we’re walking.

We head to a picturesque little café right along the Rialto Bay for breakfast, and – as much as I don’t want to admit it – I think their pastries might rival my own.

Anders appears completely at ease as we relax and eat – a carafe of coffee and plate of fruit and cheese to go along with the baked goods – leaning back in his chair, reading the paper as he sips his coffee. Like this is something he does every day. I keep looking around, taking in the view of the water, the cobblestone sidewalk beneath us, the whole otherworldliness of the entire scene and I have to wonder… _what am I doing here?_

It’s so easy to let my mind wander, picturing the two of us coming to a little out of the way place like this all the time…if a place like this even exists in Kirkwall. Woofy could come with us, lying at our feet with his own plate while Anders and I have a quiet, relaxing brunch to start our day. It would be so nice…

I must have some sort of ridiculously dreamy look on my face because Anders kicks me under the table after a minute, giving me an amused look.

“Earth to Garrett,” he calls lightly. “Thinking about something fun? Or just gazing at my astonishing good looks?”

“All those compliments I gave you last night? I take them back,” I laugh. “I’m the last one that needs to be feeding your ego.”

“I’m wounded,” he gasps, giving me an affronted look. I grin and roll my eyes as he slips his sunglasses back on, rolling his bad shoulder briefly. He said it’s not really bothering him today, but I suspect he’s just trying not to make me worry.

“You ready to head out?” he asks, breaking into my thoughts again. “I seem to recall quite a list ahead of us.”

It’s not _that_ much. And we’re already close to the port district, so I’m assuming we’ll start there. As much time as I spent pouring over all the tourist spots and everything else, at this point I don’t even _feel_ like doing anything…I just want to spend time with him.

But I give him a nod anyway, and we make our way towards the shops, chatting mindlessly about things that we pass along the way.

I can tell almost immediately when we get to the port district, the buildings suddenly bursting with color, overflowing with plants from the windows and tons of unique little novelties to lure people into a particular shop or restaurant. I’m immediately entranced.

We drift in and out of a few shops at a leisurely pace, picking up a few things here and there to bring home. Anders tries to hide it, but I see him gazing just a little longer than normal at anything and everything that has a cat on it. I don’t know why he’s ashamed, he’s seen the way I am with dogs.

I’m getting ready to drag him into a candy shop when we suddenly come face to face with the Howes, who have also apparently decided to do a little shopping before they leave.

“Garrett!” Neria squeals, jumping into a hug.

“Hey man, we missed you after the game last night,” Howe says to Anders as they shake hands. Neria squeezes my arm once in delight before moving back to stand next to her husband.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Anders drawls, not looking the least bit sorry. He glances over at me briefly. “I had something to do.”

Howe groans and shakes his head as Neria giggles beside him.

“I don’t want the details,” he mutters before collecting himself and reaching out to shake my hand. “Nice to see you again, Garrett. You’re all I’ve heard about for the last 12 hours.”

“To be fair, you have an awesome wife,” I grin.

“I can’t argue with that,” Howe chuckles. Anders groans in impatience next to me.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah we’re all awesome and cool and...” He makes a little annoyed hand motion. “Let’s move on.”

“You’re just jealous I didn’t call you awesome in front of your friends,” I huff, exchanging a look with Neria, who is biting her lip to keep from laughing.

Anders shoots me a look but ignores my comment, and thankfully Neria changes the subject.

“So, are you two leaving today or tomorrow? We’re getting ready to leave for the airport, or I would have suggested we all have lunch together.”

“We’re leaving tomorrow around noon,” Anders responds. “Garrett’s never been here before so we wanted to see as much as we could.”

“You’re so sweet!” Neria exclaims, beaming at me before whirling on Anders, finger pointed at him. “You better treat him right.”

“Neria…”

“Whoa, whoa, what did I do?” Anders cries out, holding up his hands. He looks over at me and I just shrug. “What have you been telling her?”

“Only wonderful things,” Neria says before I can answer. “I just want to make sure it stays that way.”

Howe hastily cuts in, excusing them before things get too out of hand. I’m thoroughly amused, and I can’t tell if Anders is legitimately annoyed or just putting on an act because other people are around.

We say our goodbyes, Neria gesturing for me to text her later, and Anders and I continue on our way.

“So,” he says, breaking the silence. “Is this what it’s going to be like when I meet your family?”

He grins at me and I burst out laughing, startling a few people nearby. I’m more than a little thrilled he’s talking about meeting my family.

“Oh, it’s going to be a hundred times worse,” I warn. “I’ll try to introduce you to everyone in small increments.”

“I thought it was just your mom and the twins?” he asks, brow furrowing.

“No, no, no,” I shake my head. “My friends are just as much my family as the others. You’re going to meet them too.”

“Oh my God…” Anders moans. “Just make sure you give me fair warning, okay?”

“Don’t worry,” I smile, patting him on the back. “Woofy already loves you, that’s a good sign.”

“Thank God for Woofy…” he mutters. I nod solemnly in return.

“I say that all the time.”

Anders sighs in exasperation, even though I can see him smiling slightly as he leads me into another shop. We keep going like that for the next hour or two, picking up some more things here and there but mostly window shopping. Anders gets stopped a few times for pictures and autographs, but it’s not nearly as bad as I was expecting.

What does get me a little rattled is the number of other players we see in passing. Most of them pay us no mind – nodding to Anders and ignoring me completely – but it’s a little unsettling. I start second guessing everything I’m doing…wondering if I’m standing too close or smiling too wide or something else that will give away our relationship.

I must seem really distracted because Anders finally pulls me into a fairly empty shop, leading me to a far corner before grabbing me by the shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, a worried look on his face.

“Nothing,” I sigh, running a hand through my hair. How do I say this without either hurting his feelings or making me look like a paranoid idiot?

“Garrett…” He levels his gaze at me, and I decide it’s better to get it out now rather than spend the rest of the day like this.

“I just keep seeing a lot of other players and I’m worried I’m not acting right,” I admit.

“What?”

“You know…” I hesitate, trying to find the right words. “Like, I’m not sure if I’m acting too…more than friendly? I don’t know.”

Anders laughs, letting go of my shoulders.

“Funny, I was thinking the same thing earlier about myself,” he muses. “You’ve been fine, love. Nothing to worry about. Would you rather go somewhere else? I doubt anyone is going to be at that prison you mentioned.”

“Yeah, I would.” I sigh in relief, giving him a grateful smile. He squeezes my hand once before gesturing towards the door.

I’m too busy pulling up my hair that I don’t notice when Anders stops short right outside of the doorway. I walk into him, jostling him a little, and I’m about to say something when I see what he’s looking at.

Vael is standing a few feet away, giving Anders one of his usual arrogant smirks, but it’s not until he sees me that his expression changes from smug disinterest to total curiosity. I can feel the tension radiating off of Anders, and every warning bell in my body is going off.

Anders just stares him down, giving him that fierce, defiant look that I’ve seen so many times when he’s playing, and Vael is the one to break first, looking away. I want to leave. _Now_.

I nudge Anders a little to try and get him to walk, and the movement must capture Vael’s attention because he’s looking over at us again. His eyes flit between Anders and me a couple more times before he pastes an obviously fake smile on his face, nodding cordially at Anders only.

Anders doesn’t return the greeting, just gestures for me to follow as we continue on our original path. I see a smirk forming on Vael’s face as we walk past, and I look away quickly. The guy didn’t even do anything and I wish I could run back and slug him once. Just enough to wipe that look off his face.

It’s not until we’re a safe distance away that I finally speak up again. I can see Anders’ fists clenching and unclenching as we walk and I’m undecided on whether I should say anything at all, but I want it to be at least when I think he’s calmed down a bit.

“Hey, um…” I begin, reaching out to lightly put my hand on his shoulder. He stops, turning to me with a blank face.

“Can we, uh…would you rather just go back to the hotel?” I ask tentatively.

Anders sighs, façade breaking as he rubs both hands down his face. He doesn’t respond for a minute, and I just stand there, waiting patiently. I think we must have wandered into some kind of residential area because there’s barely anyone else around.

“I want you to have a good time, love,” he says finally.

I’m starting to feel guilty that I’m putting him through all this distress for no reason, although part of me is shouting _you did nothing wrong, stop feeling bad_.

“I’m having a great time,” I reassure him with a smile. I hold up the two handfuls of bags I’m holding, waving them in front of us. “I have plenty of gifts, about a billion pictures and the experience of a lifetime. I’m okay with us not seeing a dingy old prison or whatever else was on my list.”

That draws a smile from him at least, and it encourages me a little.

“See,” I continue, smiling wider. “I can’t even remember what else was on the list, that’s how important it is. What I _do_ know I want is to make sure the rest of our time here is amazing. And if that involves us not moving from our room, then so be it.”

With only a brief glance around first, Anders is pressing his lips to mine a moment later, fond smile on his face when he pulls away.

“You know you’re the amazing one, right?” he murmurs, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “Whatever you want, love, the rest of the trip, I’ll do it. Just name it.”

I pretend to think for a minute, tapping my foot as Anders grins at me.

“I can think of a few things,” I smirk, giving him a very slow once-over. “My question is…how much ice cream do you think you can eat?”

I nearly burst out laughing at the look of confusion that crosses his face. He shakes his head with a chuckle, tugging on my hand to lead us back in the direction of the hotel.

“Not exactly what I expected, but I _did_ say anything.”

“I’m just full of surprises.”

* * *

We barely get through the door before I have the bags tossed to the side and I’m peeling my shirt off. Anders looks a lot more relaxed, the walk back to the hotel and promises of a lazy rest of the day seems to have put him at ease.

I thought I would be more upset that I didn’t get to finish seeing everything I wanted, but I’m surprised to find out that I honestly don’t care. I can always come back, right?

Anders is standing by the window looking out over the bay when I walk up behind him, gingerly rubbing his bad shoulder.

“How does it feel?”

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m okay before you believe me?” Anders chuckles, grabbing my hand as he turns around.

“You could show me instead,” I tease, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively.

Anders bursts out laughing, grabbing my face between his hands and giving me a deep kiss.

“I can’t wait to tell the trainers that my arm was miraculously healed by giving my boyfriend a handjob.”

“As long as you don’t let them practice on you,” I pout, grabbing the waistband of his pants and pulling him closer.

“Jealous already?” he teases. His hands begin a slow ascent up my bare chest, and I shiver slightly under his touch.

“So...” he continues, pressing small kisses along my collarbone. “Are we still going to get ice cream, or can I take you to bed?”

“Let me think about that for a minute,” I hum, tilting my head so he has better access to my neck.

One of his hands drifts back down my chest until he reaches my pants, unbuttoning them quickly so he can slip a hand inside.

“If you have to think about it, then you must not really want it,” he murmurs right into my ear.

I let out a low groan, pushing into his hand.

“Ice cream can wait, I can’t.”

“Exactly what I was hoping to hear,” Anders grins, removing his hand as he makes his way towards the bedroom, leaving pieces of clothing in his wake.

By the time I catch up – sans my own pants – he’s completely naked and sprawled across the bed invitingly with his eyes closed. I shuck the rest of my clothes and crawl over him, taking my time to run my hands leisurely up his body.

“Comfortable?”

“Mmm,” he murmurs without opening his eyes. “I was just waiting for your slow ass.”

“You like my slow ass,” I remind him.

“Then get over here where I can play with it,” he grins, finally looking at me. Who am I to deny him?

I move up just a bit, enough so that our cocks are lined up where I can wrap a hand around them both.

“Not yet, love,” he gasps as I give a first experimental stroke. “Come up closer.”

Does he…not want me to touch him? I’m confused, but I shift forward anyway so I’m straddling his waist in front of his dick. The new position is much better for him to reach, and his hands are both immediately on my ass, massaging the flesh appreciatively.

“I want this to be about you,” he murmurs. His hands spread me apart, one reaching over to rub gently around my hole. I let out another strangled sound, resisting the urge to push back onto his finger.

“So you tell me what you want,” he finishes, removing his hands and placing them on my legs on either side of his body. “Whatever you want.”

I have…so many possibilities running through my head right now. Most of which I don’t think I can even say out loud to him because just the thoughts are making me want to blush. I decide to keep it simple.

“Um…” I swallow, roughly clearing my throat. “I want to…can I maybe…be on top?”

“Ride me or fuck me?”

Oh God, I want both. Can I ask for both?

“Both?”

Anders grins, eyes lighting up with excitement.

“Fuck yes.”

I grin back, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on his lips as I roll off the bed to find the condoms and lube I forgot to take out of my bag. Anders has moved over into the middle of the bed, watching my every move.

“What first?” he asks when I return.

“Um…” Why am I still so nervous asking for this? It’s not like we haven’t done it a dozen times (or more) by now. “Ride, then fuck. Good?”

“Wonderful,” he winks. I hand him the condom but keep the lube for myself, preparing to coat a finger when he snatches it out of my hand.

“And you’re going to deny me this pleasure?” he tsks.

“I don’t think I need much,” I groan as his first finger presses inside my opening. “You did just fuck me like, a day ago.”

“More than once, if I recall correctly,” he hums in agreement. Like I thought, his finger moves easily, so he quickly adds another.  

“Maybe I just like playing with you,” he adds. His fingers curl, searching for the spot that he knows will make me scream.

“Don’t make me come too fast,” I gasp. He’s close, and as much as I want him to keep going, I really want his dick inside me instead.

“You sure?”

His fingers reach the spot, pressing firmly so that I almost jolt out of reach from the sensation, letting out a shout much louder than I should have.

“I’m sure,” I pant, trying to reach the condom Anders threw off to the side. He pouts but removes his fingers, quickly sliding the condom on before lubing himself up.

I want to go slow, I really do, but as soon as I line myself up with his cock the feeling of fullness overwhelms me and I sink down in one go.

“Oh, _fuck_ , Garrett,” Anders groans, back arching off of the bed as his fingers dig into my sides.

I have to pause for a minute to adjust and catch my breath, but I completely agree. This angle does wonders for us both, and it’s not long before I’m bracing my hands on his waist and slamming down onto him over and over.

“You feel so fucking good, love. Holy fuck…” Anders groans, hips rising to meet me every time I come down. “I could do this all night…please tell me you’ll let me do this all night.”

I can only moan and nod my head in reply, squeezing my eyes shut as I focus on my rapidly approaching orgasm. I don’t want to come like this, though, although I’m fine if Anders does.

“Love…” I pant. “I need to fuck you…”

“Need?” His eyes darken at the words, mouth turned up in a playful smirk.

“ _Yes_ , I fucking need it,” I moan again, head thrown back wantonly as he hits a particularly good spot. I take my revenge, though, reaching behind me to massage his balls as he takes over the work, gripping my waist hard enough to leave bruises tomorrow and thrusting up as fast as he can.

“ _Fuck_ , Garrett, _yes_. God, that feels so fucking good…gonna come…”

Another couple seconds and his hips rock up roughly, a loud cry escaping his throat as he comes. I help him ride it out, a few more slow movements before I slide off and remove the condom. Anders is breathing heavily, eyes shut and hair damp with sweat.

He finally turns to look at me, content grin on his face before glancing down to see my very hard, leaking cock still jutting from between my legs.

“How do you want me?” he asks softly, giving me a brief kiss.

“Just like this,” I respond, grabbing the lube. “But fair warning, I’m not going to last long.”

“We have all night.” He grins, spreading his legs wider as I don’t waste any time, inserting a finger roughly inside. He groans, pushing back onto me and my cock jumps in expectation.

“Come on,” Anders pants, rocking his body onto my hand. “You know I like it rough, stop wasting time.”

A second finger joins the first, and Anders lets out another shameless moan. He reaches for his cock, already starting to twitch at the sensations, at gives it a few rough strokes, coaxing it back to life. After a third finger he’s completely hard again, and I can’t wait any longer.

“Ready?” I pant. I’m afraid I’ll come as soon as I touch myself, so I very gingerly roll the condom on and position myself between his legs.

“Hard, love,” he urges as I press the tip of my cock past the ring of muscle.

I’m not sure which one of us is making more noise, but it’s all blending together into one chorus of moans and panting and flesh slapping against flesh.

“Fuck, I need to do this more often,” I groan, pounding into him with all the energy I have left.

“No complaints here,” Anders laughs, biting his lip as his hand works on his cock, pumping almost to the same rhythm as my hips. We lock eyes, my mouth hanging open as I reach the edge.

“That’s it, love,” Anders murmurs, eyes heavy now as he stares. “You feel so fucking good inside me, I could take your cock all night if you’d let me. Fuck…just like that. I’m gonna come again, make a mess all over myself cause of what you do to me.”

I groan, thrusting harder as I start to lose control, which only makes Anders speed up as well.

“Fuck, yes…” he pants. “You’re so good, so good to me…”

He’s babbling, and my moans start to drown him out as I feel the heat start to pool inside me.

“So amazing,” he keeps going, and I can tell he’s close too. “So perfect… _fuck_ , I want to do this forever with you…”

Whatever it is about those last few words pushes me over the edge, and with a couple more hard thrusts I come with a loud cry that echoes off the walls. There’s no way no one in this hotel hasn’t heard us by now.

I collapse onto my side next to him, tying up the condom and tossing it in what I hope is the direction of the trash. Anders cuddles up to me immediately, both of our bodies rapidly cooling off through our thin coat of sweat.

“Good?” he murmurs, brushing a kiss over my shoulder.

“Amazing,” I confirm, sighing as I close my eyes and burrow further into the pillow. “We can do it again, right?”

Anders laughs softly, pulling the covers over us.

“Nap first,” he agrees. “Then whatever you want, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in the event you're familiar with the way the real All-Star Game works, you'll notice I took some liberties with some details. Nothing major, just the way they're announced and some things like that. Dramatic effect, artistic license, whatever you want to call it lol. 
> 
> Inspiration for Antiva came from a few different Italian and Portuguese cities. The palace itself was inspired by the [Palazzo Doria Pamphilj](http://www.italianwriter.it/UnknownRome/Images/Place11_VillaDoriaPamphilj_1big.jpg) in Rome. You can check out their website [here](http://www.doriapamphilj.it/roma/en/)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the couple cameo appearances :) Neria was a lot of fun to write. I know Sera and Cole aren't exactly what you'd call "friendly" in DA:I but, guess what? THEY SHOULD BE. So in this world, they are. 
> 
> I won't comment too much on the actual events of the chapter in here, but feel free to ask questions, comment, whatever you want, I love it all <3 And thanks again for being so patient with me, I hope it was at least kinda worth the wait.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett tries to adjust to life back home after his eventful trip. Anders pitches for the first time since the All-Star Game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some new tags, in case you missed them. Also blanket warning that you're not going to like Seb this chapter. 
> 
> I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SCENE SINCE LAST SUMMER.
> 
> I'm so sorry.

I feel like our relationship takes on a whole new dimension once we get back to Kirkwall.

Anders is only home for the weekend before the team goes out of town, but we spend almost every free minute with each other before then. He seems happier and more relaxed, like he’s finally letting his guard down.

I have work the whole weekend, naturally, since everyone at the bakery was nice enough to cover for me for almost a week. But I’m home by the time the Champs games are finished, and Anders opts to come right to my place instead of his own. I’m thrilled, and I must be walking around with a perpetual grin on my face because it’s all too easy for Bethany to call me on it.

“Someone’s in lo-oove,” she teases me in a sing-song voice Saturday morning. We’re both working, and it’s the first time I’ve seen her since I got back.

“Shut up,” I tell her, but I know it means nothing because I’m grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Look at you, Gare!” she exclaims. “I haven’t seen you this happy since…I don’t know, maybe the day you brought Woofy home?”

That was a momentous occasion, how dare she mock me for it.

I turn around to respond but she’s on me in a minute, wrapping her small arms around my waist and crushing me into a hug. She’s a lot stronger than she looks.

“I’m so happy for you,” she murmurs. When she pulls back I see her quickly swiping at her eyes, giving me a shaky laugh.

“Are you _crying?_ ” I ask incredulously. “Why are you crying?! Oh, Bethy, come here.”

I pull her back into another hug and she chokes out a wet laugh as she hugs me back.

“Because you’re a good person, even if you are my jerk of a brother,” she laughs, not hiding the tears the next time she wipes them away. “And because you deserve this.”

I’m not even sure how to respond, because I’m still not convinced myself that I _do_ deserve this. Deserve _him_. The last week seems like a dream – drama included – and I feel like I’m going to wake up any second.

Beth must sense my awkwardness because she coughs lightly and claps her hands, hopping up on the nearest stool.

“So,” she grins. “Sappiness aside, you better get comfortable because I want to hear _everything_.”

* * *

Anders is away for almost a week after we get home, and I’m missing him like crazy. Spending so much time together and then having him disappear is a lot harder than when we barely saw each other. He’s feeling just as glum as I am, sending me numerous texts every day about how much he wishes he was back home. We call each other every night if we can, sometimes only for a few minutes to check in, and other times having much more… _interactive_ conversations. All I know is I can’t wait for him to get home.

I try to make the most of my time, though. I visit my mom and the twins, bringing them their gifts and sitting through an endless string of questions. I text Neria about halfway through the week, and we decide to get together for lunch one afternoon on my break. She’s super excited now that she knows where the bakery is, and promises to be a regular customer.

I decide to have the rest of the gang over to my place one night when Beth and I both have off. I don’t know if I’ve mentally prepared myself for their brand of questioning.

“We missed you, Garrett!” Merrill chips, flinging her arms around my neck when she arrives.

“She’s lying,” Carver scoffs, pushing past me. “I ate all your food while you were gone.”

“I didn’t _have_ any food,” I point out, rolling my eyes at Bethany who grins in return.

Fenris and Bela arrive a bit later with dinner, much to my delight. I was planning on just ordering a pizza.

“Hawkey, you’ve returned!” Bela exclaims, giving me a big kiss on the cheek. “It was so _boring_ without you around.”

“I highly doubt that,” I deadpan, nodding to Fenris and helping him with the food.

“It’s true,” Bela argues. She makes her way over to the couch, pushing Carver out of the way so she can recline with her head on Beth’s lap. “It’s no fun trying to tease your brother on my own.”

Carver grumbles something in response while I try not to laugh, and I see Merrill start to soothingly rub his arm to calm him down. I still can’t believe that’s a thing.

I turn to Fenris to see him watching the whole scene with a small smirk on his face.

“How were things, really?” I ask quietly. “I know you’re pretty much the only one who will give me a real answer.”

“Everything was fine,” he reassures me. “Bethany and I made sure we spent plenty of time here with Woofy.” He knows where my priorities are.

I thank him before deciding a little teasing is in order. I nod my head towards Bela, giving him a mischievous grin.

“You guys didn’t have sex in my bed, did you?”

Fenris looks at me sharply, frowning.

“Why would you think I’m having sex with your sister?”

Wait, what? Oh God, that’s not what I meant!

“Huh?” Now I’m frowning, pointing at the couch. “Not Bethany. _Bela_.”

His frown lessens, so he just gives me a confused look instead.

“Why would I be having sex with Isabela? Why do you think I’m having sex with anyone?”

I’m so confused.

“I thought you two were…you know…”

“I don’t know what you think, Hawke,” Fenris finally smiles, shaking his head. “And I don’t think I want to know. Why are you so concerned with my sex life, anyway?”

I throw my hands in the air, looking around in exasperation.

“I’m concerned for my bed! _My bed_. Not your dick.”

Bethany was on her way into the kitchen but she stops short, looking between the two of us with a wary expression.

“Do I want to know what you two are talking about? I can leave…”

I shake my head, groaning.

“Misunderstanding,” I sigh. “Just forget it. I’m just glad everything was fine while I was away.”

“You’re not exactly high maintenance, Gare,” Beth smirks, grabbing some plates as we all go make ourselves comfortable in the living room.

“So, what was your favorite part, Garrett?” Merrill asks, leaning forward excitedly as soon as I’m settled.

“Please be sure to include all the _graphic_ details,” Bela adds, giving me a wink.

“I’m not telling you all _any_ of those details,” I announce. I hear Carver mutter a “thank God” from his side of the room.

I launch into a PG version of my trip, leaving out some of the more dramatic instances as well. Bethany yells at me for spending too much time describing Dog, and Bela gets bored when I describe the game. Carver’s attention drifts in and out, leaving only Fenris and Merrill who are actually paying attention the whole time.

“And then I got home and was super happy to see Woofy,” I end, scratching the aforementioned dog behind his ears. I take a long drink of my water, my throat dry from the non-stop talking as everyone eyes me dubiously.

“Also, Merrill is now promoted to second best friend since she was the only one besides Fenris to listen to me.”

“I was listening!” Beth and Bela shout at the same time. Carver just rolls his eyes and goes back to his phone.

“And you both complained,” I argue.

Merrill is grinning from ear to ear, so happy, and no one has the heart to protest anymore.

“Anyway…any questions?”

“I have a question!” Isabela perks up, finally.

“I’m not giving you any sex details,” I warn.

“So you _had_ sex,” she grins. “I can content myself with that for right now.”

Beth rolls her eyes and starts asking a million questions, despite having sat through this with her twice already. How does she even come up with this stuff? Half of my replies consist of shrugging and mumbling “I dunno.”

“I’m glad you had a good time, Hawke,” Fenris says later as we’re cleaning up. He gives me a thoughtful look, studying my face.

“Everything was okay after what we talked about?” he asks lowly.

“Yeah,” I sigh. I glance over my shoulder into the living room, but no one’s paying us any attention.

“We talked about it…and some stuff did come up,” I reply quietly. “But we worked through it. I think things are good.”

Fenris nods, satisfied.

“When you mentioned you spent the day out shopping together I was wondering if you two had talked,” he admits. “I’m glad to hear everything is okay.”

“Well, I mean…” I hesitate. I honestly don’t want to dredge up what happened with Vael, but I also know Fenris is probably the only one I can talk to about it.

“Do you think you could hang out a little after everyone leaves?” I ask instead. He gives me a suspicious look but nods his head and we drop the subject.

It doesn’t end up being that much later that they leave, anyway. Carver starts whining about wanting to go home, and since he came with Beth and Merrill, they’re both kind of stuck leaving too. Fenris must say something to Bela about staying behind, because she opts to leave with the other three as well.

We both flop down in the living room once they’re gone, Fenris looking at me expectantly.

“So, it wasn’t _that_ bad…” I begin before launching into the whole story, starting with not being able to walk into the hotel together and ending with our axed sightseeing tour. He doesn’t say much the entire time, only occasionally squinting his eyes in wariness.

“But like, the rest of the time was _great_ ,” I emphasize at the end. “We stayed in the hotel room pretty much the entire time and—“

“I don’t need those details,” Fenris interrupts, holding up his hands. He gives me a small smile, although he looks a little lost in thought.

“I think you made the right move, Hawke,” he finally says. “As much as it pains me to admit it.”

I pretend to look affronted as he grins. I feel really, really relieved, though, hearing this from him.

“I mean, I know it wasn’t exactly the trip I had planned, but I still had a great time,” I continue. “And I didn’t even mind not seeing all those places! I just wish, you know…”

I trail off, trying not to look upset. Because I’m _not_ , not really. Maybe I’m just missing Anders too much, and it’s making all these feelings and doubts come rushing back when I don’t want them too.

“You wish it was more accepted,” Fenris finishes for me, nodding. “Without dealing with all the bullshit that comes with other people’s unwanted opinions. I understand that.”

“Really?” I frown. That was an oddly specific answer, but I know he doesn’t like to talk about his last relationship so I don’t follow his train of thought.

“I’m not going to lie and say I completely trust him,” he admits. “Or that I even _like_ him, based on what I’ve heard.” I open my mouth to protest but he keeps going. “But I’m willing to trust your judgment.”

I smile at that, although I’m now secretly determined to change his opinion of Anders. He needs to see him the same way I do. Not literally, of course. Clothing is staying put.

“Thanks, Fen,” I sigh, smiling. “I feel better just telling someone.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” he smiles back, stretching.

“How are things going with you?” I ask. I feel bad, essentially trapping him here so I can vent and I haven’t even asked about him.

“Good,” he replies. “Right now everything is good.”

He doesn’t offer more detail, just stands and makes like he’s ready to leave. I take the hint and walk him over to the door.

“I’m glad,” I smile. “We should make another lunch date soon. Actually catch up without you having to listen to me ramble on forever.”

“That’s every time we get together, Hawke,” he smirks. “But I agree.”

He starts to leave but then pauses, looking at me briefly.

“And you know you can always tell me these things, right?”

“I know,” I nod. “Same for you, okay?”

He hesitates before nodding his head also, and with a small wave walks to his car.

I whistle for Woofy once he leaves before picking up my phone. I have a few missed texts from Anders with a timestamp of five minutes ago or so. He must have just gotten back to his hotel room.

 **Anders** : _am I home yet? :(_

**Anders:** _have I told you that I miss you? Cause I really miss you_

**Anders** : _we should get Chinese tomorrow when I get home_

**Anders:** _I’ll stop by my place and pick it up on the way to yours_

I smile looking at the string of messages. I can judge how he’s feeling now just by the first couple of texts he sends me. Sometimes he’ll call me instead of sending a message, and those are usually the nights he misses me, uh… _physically_. Other times, like tonight, I can tell he’s just feeling lonely.

After getting Woofy ready for bed, I change into my pajamas and sprawl out on my bed, opting to call him instead of texting back.

“Hey!” he answers, surprise and delight clear in his voice.

“Hey, yourself,” I reply. I’m grinning at nothing, just so happy to hear him. “How are you doing today?”

“Okay,” he sighs. “I miss you. I can’t wait to get home tomorrow.”

“Who knew you were such a sap?” I tease, and he chuckles a little on the other end of the line. “But me too, I can’t wait to see you.”

We chat a bit mindlessly. I tell him about the gang coming over, and he laughs at some of the comments everyone made. He sounds happy that everyone liked their gifts, which makes me happy in turn.

“I can’t wait for you to meet them,” I smile. “They’re going to love you. Well…maybe not Carver, but we don’t count him.”

“Who knows, maybe Carver will end up being my favorite.”

“You take that back!” I gasp.

He starts laughing, and I can’t help but join him. He goes quiet after a moment, though, before speaking up again.

“Love, you know how happy I am right now…don’t you?” he asks quietly.

This is unusually emotional for him, and I’m kind of rendered speechless for a minute.

“I wouldn’t be doing my job if you weren’t,” I reply, keeping my tone light. “But I know. I am, too. So much.”

“You’re ‘so much happy’?” he teases. “Good to know.”

I laugh, curling up onto my side and staring at his side of the bed. It changes my mood almost instantly.

“Neria told me it would be hard for a while, being apart,” I murmur. I grab his pillow and pull it close so I can wrap my arm around it. “I can’t believe I’m even acting like this.”

“Clearly, you just haven’t had the right boyfriend,” he jokes, but I can tell he’s touched. “We’ll get through it.”

There’s a pause while I guess we’re both lost in our thoughts before Anders lets out a deep sigh.

“I should sleep, love,” he finally says. He sounds miserable. “Pretty soon I’ll be pledging my undying love and threatening to drown the streets in blood to protect your honor.”

“Please don’t,” I chuckle awkwardly. Part of me is glad to know he misses me as much as I miss him, but I’ve never heard him in such a melancholy mood before. 

“’Til tomorrow then,” he sighs again.

“I can’t wait,” I murmur. We say our goodbyes, and I bury my face in his pillow, searching for any lingering trace of his smell.

 _One more day_ , I repeat over and over in my head. _I can do this_.

* * *

Anders texts me as soon as he lands, and since I’m still at work, I tell him to take his time. He shows up about ten minutes after I get home. Even though I still haven’t seen it, I know his apartment is definitely more than ten minutes away.

“Were you camping out on my street?” I grin, kissing him hello.

He has the decency to blush a little, at least.

“I was running some errands,” he insists, pulling me in for another kiss. “You just have excellent timing.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Fine, don’t believe me,” he grins, nipping my neck. “I’m here now, that’s all I care about.”

“Me too,” I agree. He looks so happy right now, grinning non-stop as he refuses to let me out of his arms.

“I don’t see any food.” I pretend to pout, looking over his shoulder for the non-existent bag.

“I thought maybe you would want to wait, since you just got home,” he says, giving me another kiss.

“That’s fine. I should shower before we order, though.”

Anders grins wider, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I groan good-naturedly and can feel my face turn red under his gaze.

“We haven’t had shower sex in a while…” he says.

“Do you even _remember_ the last time we tried to have sex in my shower?” I laugh, finally pulling myself free from his grip.

“No, we better try again so you can remind me.”

“ _No!_ ” I point at him, still laughing. He’s trying not to laugh with me, putting on the most pitiful expression.

“I will be gracious and let you fuck me in the _bathroom_ , if you really want,” I concede. “But not my shower.”

“Or I could just suck you off right here.”

He gives me that suggestive grin again, eyes raking over my body before settling on my crotch. I’d be lying if I said the idea didn’t turn me on, and he doesn’t fail to notice the way my body’s responding.

“I think that’s a yes?” he teases, gripping my waistband.

“What about you?” I ask, letting out a small whimper when he strokes me briefly through my pants.

“Plenty of time for me, love,” he murmurs, moving closer so he can mouth at my neck. “I definitely plan on fucking you later. Show you how much I missed you.”

I moan, rocking my hips into his palm when he strokes me again. He doesn’t make a move, though, still nipping and kissing his way along my neck as he rubs lightly against my pants. I finally push his hand out of the way so I can unbutton them, leaning against the closest wall.

Anders doesn’t say a word, just gives me a smirk as he gets onto his knees, taking my pants down with him. I’m already breathing heavy as I widen my legs, Anders mouthing at my still partially-clothed dick.

“Fuck, Anders, don’t tease,” I groan. “Missed you too much.”

He takes pity on me, at least, because he pulls my boxers down immediately, stroking my cock while he teases my balls.

I let out a gasp as he tugs, fingers tangling in his hair.

“Fuck, love,” I pant. “So good…missed you so much…”

He moans, finally taking my cock into his mouth and I have about zero self-restraint because I’m bucking into it almost immediately. I glance down and catch his eyes, silently asking if it’s okay. He gives me a wink, somehow smiling around my dick, and I give in. I know I’m not going to last long anyway.

I tangle both my hands in his hair, pulling slightly as he braces himself as best he can. I’m thrusting into his mouth as roughly as I can manage without hurting him, trying to pull back whenever I hear him gag.

It only takes a couple minutes before I can feel the heat pool in my stomach, balls tightening as Anders snakes one hand back to the front to fondle them. It’s almost too much for me to take and my head thumps back against the wall as I drive in even faster, steady moans coming from my mouth.

“Love… _fuck_ , God, yes, right like that, oh fuck…” I babble as Anders moans around me again. With one more quick squeeze on my balls, I’m coming down his throat, crying out loud enough that I’m hoping no one was outside because there’s no mistaking what that noise meant.

He pulls back, eyes watering, lips red and puffy, and bottom half of his face a mess of spit and come. It’s beautiful.

“God, you look so perfect,” I murmur sleepily as I slump to the floor next to him, pulling my sweat-soaked shirt off and tossing it to the side. I’m still partially clothed, my pants and boxers around my ankles, but I don’t give a fuck.

Anders grins as he reaches for my shirt to wipe his face off before lying down next to me, head resting on my thighs. He turns to face me, mouth only inches away from my softening dick.

“I think I like the view from here better,” he muses, looking up at me.

“I would too, if it was the other way around,” I sigh. I close my eyes, trying to catch my breath.

“Good?” he asks after a minute. Like he couldn’t tell.

“Remind me to welcome you home like that all the time,” I snort. “’Hey love, I missed you! Here’s my dick.’”

He starts laughing and I crack a smile, looking down at him. His eyes are closed as well, hands folded on his stomach and he looks perfectly happy and content just where he’s at. I don’t have the desire (or energy) to move, so we stay in that position a bit longer, until I remember how desperately I need a shower.

“Alright, party’s over,” I sigh, nudging him with my knee. “For now, anyway. Let me go make myself presentable.”

Anders groans and stretches as he stands, cocking an eyebrow as he looks over my disheveled form.

“I hope that means you’re coming back naked, or else I’m going to be _very_ disappointed.”

I roll my eyes and give him a smile as I pull my pants up, telling him to go ahead and have the food delivered because I don’t feel like going anywhere else tonight. He orders while I put Woofy outside for a while, and by the time I turn the water off and step out of the shower, I can hear Anders say goodbye to the delivery man.

I dry off quickly, noticing the bite marks and small bruises that have already blossomed along my neck. I decide to tie up my hair so they show, and then saunter back into the other room, stark naked.

Anders nearly drops a plate when he looks up and sees me, eyes wide and mouth open. He glances quickly at the food in front of him before looking back at me, slow grin spreading across his face.

“The food can wait.”

* * *

Anders is pitching the following night, and although I wish we were able to spend another evening together, I’m happy that at least I worked the morning shift, so I’ll be home in time to watch the game.

What I’m not so happy about is the fact that they’re playing Starkhaven again. Didn’t I _just_ see Vael? And after our last…”altercation,” I would be happy not seeing him again for the rest of the season. Especially in my home stadium.

Anders had left late the night before, telling me he would text me after the game if he planned on stopping by that night. If not, we had plans for Sunday, and as much as I didn’t want to have to wait two more days to see him again, just knowing that he was home made things a lot easier.

I settled down in front of the TV with my leftover food (and a begging dog) and prepared to watch the Champs rout the Avengers all over again. The announcers naturally have to play up their supposed rivalry, showing clips from Opening Day when Anders struck Vael out and then dissecting the way they played together in the All-Star Game. I’m doing nothing but glaring at the screen every time Vael’s face pops up.

The game finally starts, and Anders looks great, quickly taking care of each batter as they come up. I’m kind of laughing to myself, sure that he’s secretly delighting in his performance. Vael hit into an out his first time up, and when he comes up the second time I pay a little more attention. I can’t help but hope Anders makes him look terrible.

Anders’ first pitch is a strike – which Vael swings at and looks bad doing so. The camera zooms in on Anders right after, and I can see the small smirk playing on the corners of his mouth. He must be thinking the same thing I am. The second and third pitches Vael fouls off, and he looks annoyed. As much as I want Anders to make him look bad, I’m sure he wants nothing else than to make Anders look worse.

Anders rolls his shoulders, shaking off Justice’s signs a few times before nodding and getting ready to throw. Vael throws his arms up, calling time out and gestures towards Anders angrily. The announcers claim he’s complaining about Anders taking too long.

My phone buzzes and I know who it is before I even glance at it.

 **Bethany** : _what an ASSHOLE_

**Me:** _tell me about it…_

Justice must have had something to say about it as well because he says something to Vael that makes his eyes squint in annoyance. Anders, on the other hand, seems completely unfazed, watching the entire scene from the mound with one hand on his hip. Like _he’s_ the impatient one now.

Vael finally shuts up, and everyone gets back into position. His next pitch is a ball, and I don’t know why, but part of me thinks Anders threw that on purpose. Like he wants to drag things out now, just to be obnoxious. The next pitch is a ball as well, and judging by how nonchalant Anders looks, I don’t think he cares.

He shakes Justice’s signs off several more times before he throws his next pitch, and I can see him almost roll his eyes in exasperation. He finally just lets loose…hitting Vael right in the arm.

I might have let out a little cheer. Okay, loud enough that Woofy looked at me, but whatever. _Serves him right_.

Vael’s shouting something at Anders from home plate as he pulls off his batting gloves, but Anders isn’t paying any attention. He just rolls his eyes again with a smirk and turns his back as Vael starts slowly making his way to first, still mouthing off.

And then suddenly…I have no idea what happens.

Vael is still shouting, kind of heading closer to the mound, and whatever he says makes Anders freeze. The next thing I know, Anders is sprinting across the field and in a blur I can just make out his fist connecting with Vael’s mouth, the other man staggering back. All of their teammates are running towards them, trying to split them up, but Anders breaks free and lunges at him again, connecting a second punch.

All I can compare him to is a feral cat right now. His eyes are wild, his face red and he’s screaming at Vael, who now has blood streaming down his face. _And Vael is grinning at him_.

Anders is finally pulled away, Blackwall standing in front as a human shield while Justice has his arms wrapped around Anders’ torso, pinning his arms in place. Anders is still shouting but allows himself to be dragged back to the dugout.

The announcers are as baffled as I am, trying to figure out what Vael could have said to piss him off that badly. They’re both understandably kicked out of the game, and I’m sure Anders is going to be suspended. Part of me, deep down, is glad that at least he managed two good punches.

I don’t even realize my entire body is shaking until I look down at my phone and see the message light flashing, pulling my attention away from the screen for a moment. I take a couple deep breaths before I pick it up, seeing a bunch of new texts.

 **Bethany** : _OMFG I CAN’T BELIEVE HE DID THAT_

 **Bethany** : _GARRETT!!!!_

**Bethany:** _wtf could he have said??_

**Bethany:** _Carver and I are cheering_

**Bethany** : _serves that asshole right_

**Carver:** _tell your boyfriend nice job_

**Carver:** _I’m actually impressed_

Leave it to Carver to not be impressed until violence is involved.

 **Bethany** : _I can’t WAIT to hear the story behind this one :D_

 **Bethany** : _make sure you call me as soon as you find out_

I sigh, letting my head fall back against the couch cushions. I’m glad they’re all finding this so amusing – and I probably would be too if Anders wasn’t, you know…my boyfriend. If this had happened even a few months ago, even, I would have been cheering right along with them. But right now all I am is worried.

And suddenly, a million different worst case scenarios are flying through my head. He could have broken his hand. He could have hurt his arm (again). He could be suspended for a while, and miss some crucial upcoming games. He’ll probably also be fined, although I don’t think the money will be an issue. And I just can’t figure out what made him react like that in the first place, and that’s driving me insane.

I text my siblings back with a very vague reply along the lines of “Vael is an asshole, and I wish I had punched him too.” But I don’t offer anything else. I’m keeping my mouth shut until I find out what actually happened.

I can’t resist trying to get in touch with Anders, on the off chance he’s able to answer me like he did at the All-Star Game. I probably sound like a worried, over-protective parent but I don’t care right now.

**Me:** _are you okay?? Do I need to come there and kick his ass too?_

**Me:** _I’m worried, can you text me back when you get a chance, just to let me know you’re alright?_

I sigh, tossing my phone on the cushion next to me. It’s worth a shot, anyway. The game has resumed, and the announcers are trying to avoid talking about the fight (like I’m sure they were instructed to do), but as every minute passes with no word from Anders I only get more and more worried.

My interest in the rest of the game has disappeared, and I only keep it on in the off-chance they mention something about it. Anders is probably in the locker room, I’m sure getting reamed out by someone for his behavior. I just really want him to come home.

The game ends, and I haven’t moved, glued to the spot but not really paying attention to anything. My heart pounds every time I hear my phone buzz, but it’s never Anders.

I finally (probably rudely) tell everyone to leave me alone because I’m going to bed. I’ve given up any hope that Anders is coming over tonight, and at this rate I’m just hoping for a text. I don’t _really_ want to go to sleep yet, though, so I get Woofy ready for bed and end up flopping face-down onto the couch. I don’t want to think. I just want everything to be okay.

I’m not sure how much time passes, but I must have dozed off because I wake up with a start to loud banging on my door. It can only be one person, so I jump to my feet, nearly falling over the coffee table in the process and run to the door.

Anders doesn’t say anything as he storms into my apartment. He looks a mess, like everything happened five minutes ago instead of a few hours. Woofy has ventured out of the bedroom where he was sleeping and is now pushing up against Anders’ legs, trying to get his attention. I gently tug on his collar, telling him to go lay down.

My voice must snap Anders out of whatever was going on in his head, because he finally looks over at me. My stomach clenches as I see the confusion, rage, and I don’t know what else bubbling right under the surface.

I drop my head, rubbing at my neck awkwardly while I try to think of something to say.

I finally give up, sighing as I meet his eyes again. He hasn’t moved from his spot.

“Are you okay?” I ask quietly.

He doesn’t answer, just shakes his head no and starts pacing the room. Both hands fly to his head, fingers tangling in the hair at the crown. He just keeps walking and tugging, eyes occasionally squeezing shut but he doesn’t say anything.

I take a step closer, wanting to be in his line of sight.

“Anders?”

He spins to the side, pounding his fist loudly on the wall before turning to me, the wild look still in his eyes as he takes a step closer.

“ _I knew this would happen_ ,” he yells. “ _I TOLD you_.”

I take a step back, confused and honestly…terrified. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

He turns back, pacing now in front of me and running his hands over his face.

“I knew it,” he mutters, shaking his head. “This is why I should never…it’s going to happen all over again. _I knew it._ ”

“Anders…”

“ _I’m not letting that happen to you, too_ ,” he yells, turning to look at me again. I can see his face start to crumple, tears forming in the corners of his eyes and I want to hug him. Hold him close and tell him that whatever he’s talking about, we won’t let it happen.

“Love, if you’ll just tell me…”

“I _did_ tell you! What are you not understanding?” he interrupts, looking at me in disbelief. “I _told_ you we needed to keep things quiet. But you kept fighting me and fighting me on everything. I _told you_ it was going to end badly!”

I freeze, staring at him in shock. This…is somehow my fault now?

“I don’t understa—“

“Of _course_ you don’t,” he huffs, shaking his head. I open my mouth to reply, but he cuts me off before I can.

“Garrett, I warned you,” he says through clenched teeth. “We can’t _be out_ together _. This is what happens._ ”

“ _I don’t even KNOW what happened_ ,” I shout back, finally finding my voice again. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears, and I’m fighting as hard as I can to keep myself calm, but it’s not really working. _Why is he talking to me like this??_

“That asshole…” he growls, eyes narrowing as he points vaguely out the front window. “That asshole _saw us_...”

“What the fuck did he say then?” I ask, throwing my arms in the air in frustration.

“ _He was talking about you,_ ” he shouts, glaring at me like it’s somehow my fault I exist. “It was all bullshit and I was ignoring it, and then I hear him, off behind me. Shouting about me sucking your dick and all sorts of other stupid shit but then he says, ‘ _I hope this one doesn’t end up like your last one’ and I’m not fucking going to let that happen again._ ”

He’s practically in tears, but I see his eyes widen, and he takes a step back right as I hear a low hum next to me. I turn and see Woofy crouched down, slowly walking to stand in front of me with his front teeth bared as he lets out another warning growl. _Fuck_ , I forgot all about him.

I pull on his collar again, whispering soothingly that it’s alright before leading him to my room and closing the door. He struggles and pulls the entire way, but I manage to wrestle him in before going back to the living room. I’m hoping maybe the few seconds helped Anders to calm down a little.

“Love, if we can just sit down and talk about—“

“I’m leaving,” he announces before I can finish. He makes his way to the door, and I feel rooted to the spot, my chest tightening as I watch him walk away.

“Anders, please, just…” I beg, my voice cracking.

“I can’t do this right now.”

And with that, he’s gone.

I stand in place, staring at the door with some vague hope he’ll change his mind and come back. But he doesn’t, and I finally force myself to move, sitting back on the couch. I stare at my phone, seeing the message light blinking again and my heart fills with pointless hope that maybe it’s from him. It’s not, and suddenly everything comes crashing down on me at once, and I finally let myself go.

I hate crying. _Hate_ crying, but I can’t stop myself now that I’ve started. I can’t remember the last time it actually happened, and all I keep thinking is _why, why, why_? Everything was so perfect, how is he going to let one asshole and his stupid comment ruin it all?

I’m not sure how long I stayed there, sitting on the floor against the chair curled into myself. I hear Woofy start to whine from my bedroom, and it helps me collect myself a little…at least enough to actually get up.

As soon as I open the door he’s on me, head-butting my leg. I sit right there in the doorway and he jumps into my lap – way, way too big but he doesn’t care – and starts licking my face. I try to push him away but he won’t stop, finally plopping his head down heavily on my shoulder. That brings a whole new round of sobs as I wrap my arms around him, clinging to him tightly while I tell him he’s a good boy through my tears.

Once I finally calm down (for the second time) I walk back to the living room to fetch my phone. Nothing from Anders, but I decide to call him anyway.

His phone goes straight to voicemail, and I kind of expected that. It takes me a second to clear my throat before I can start to talk, and it hits me that I don’t even know what I plan to say.

“Hey, um…it’s me,” I start, uncertainly. “I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now, but…Anders, I have no idea what’s going on, but you have to understand that I _never_ wanted any of this to happen.”

I can feel the tears starting to come back, so I take another deep breath.

“I never wanted to hurt you. You mean so much to me and my life has been so amazing since you came into it. I just…I wish we could just sit down and figure this out. We can work through this, that’s what you said, right? I _know_ we can.”

I’m going to start babbling – probably already am – so I decide to keep it short.

“I want this to work so, please…just let me know what we can do to fix this. If you need some time, I understand. I’m just really kind of freaking out right now.” I let out a small chuckle. “Like _really_ freaking out. Can you at least let me know you got home okay? I, um…I hope I talk to you soon.”

I fall back down onto the couch with my head in my hands, fighting the next wave of tears that are threatening to break through. Eventually, I manage to pull myself to my bedroom and I collapse in exhaustion onto my bed, Woofy following and curling up next to me.

Right as I’m giving up and getting ready to go to sleep, my phone buzzes from where it’s still clenched in my fist.

 **Anders:** _I’m fine_

I sit up so suddenly it makes me dizzy, feeling the hope rise in my chest.

**Me:** _thank God, I was really worried._

**Me:** _I’m so sorry. For everything_

**Me:** _I’m ready to talk, whenever you have a chance_

**Me:** _or whenever you’re ready_

**Anders:** _Garrett, stop._

That one line glares at me from my screen, screaming at me in its complete dismissal.

Nothing else. I must stare at my phone, refreshing it I don’t know how many times over the next 20 minutes, but he doesn’t send anything else. This sends me into a whole new spiral of grief and combined with my exhaustion, all of those horrible thoughts I was trying to avoid come spilling forward again.

I manage to pull myself together enough to hit the call button, a very excited voice on the other end.

“Garrett, you loser, I’ve been waiting! What did he say?”

“Beth?” I choke out. “I think we just broke up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Parts of this chapter have literally been written and sitting in my folder since last June, that's how excited I was to punch Seb in the face. I didn't think it would be this long until it was actually posted, but it is what it is. 
> 
> By the time I'm posting this I'll be on my way to the Phillies game, so I'm just gonna hide there while you all read lol. AND BE ANGRY MY BASEBALL CRUSH ISN'T PLAYING.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett is still reeling from his and Anders' argument (and possible breakup) and ends up receiving some help from an unexpected source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a couple days earlier than I planned just cause I feel like it lol. This chapter has been done since the middle of July and the Kanders chapter is NOT done like I had hoped it would be, but I was tired of holding on to this. 
> 
> Plus I'm going to be at a football game til like 11pm and my feelings towards football are pretty much the opposite to my feelings for baseball. So, you know, I'll be clawing my eyes out. Thanks, work.
> 
> All hugs and puppies may be sent to Garrett Hawke c/o me.

“ _What the fuck did you just say?_ ”

I have to pull the phone away from my ear, Bethany’s screeching so loud. She doesn’t even give me a chance to talk, just keeps yelling and demanding answers. Which I would gladly give if she would shut up for five seconds.

“ _Garrett Malcolm Hawke, what did you do?”_

“Listen, _Mom_ , I called you for support, okay?” My voice hitches a little at the end, and I guess that has some magic effect because she finally stops talking. “I really don’t need to be yelled at anymore tonight.”

Beth is quiet on the other end, but I know she’s still there because I can hear her shuffling around her room. Right…she was probably in bed, asleep. Like ordinary people who haven’t just had a catastrophic fight with their boyfriend.

“I’m coming over,” she announces after another few seconds.

“You don’t have to—“

“I’m. Coming. Over.”

I sigh and mutter an okay before I hang up. Clearly I have no way to control my little sister when she’s on the warpath. At least her warning gives me enough time to try and make myself look a bit more presentable, although at this point I don’t think there’s much I can do. Putting a shirt on is a good start.

A little while later I hear the key in the lock, and Woofy jumps off the bed to go see who it is. I’m lying face down diagonally across it, which is where Beth finds me.

“Gare?” Her voice is so soft, so sympathetic, I want to start crying all over again. “Come talk to us.”

 _Us_? Oh God, please don’t tell me she brought Carver. For as much as I make fun of him, Carver is fiercely protective of both me and Beth. He won't even listen to what I have to say, he'll go right to the anger stage. He’s liable to drive over to Anders’ apartment and punch him in the face...if he knew where it was. 

I roll over and see Fenris standing next to her instead, arms crossed with a death glare written all over his face. Okay, so maybe Fenris is just as protective.

Beth looks between the two of us before coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

“I stopped and picked him up on the way over,” she explains. “I figured if you wouldn’t listen to me, you’d listen to him. I…hope you don’t mind.”

She looks nervous now, second-guessing her decision, but I just reach out and squeeze her arm in reassurance.

“No, it’s fine,” I sigh. “One less time I have to relive this nightmare.”

I finally sit up, rubbing my face and trying to gather the energy to talk. Beth scoots over, rubbing circles over my back while they wait for me to get my shit together.

“Do you want me to make you some tea?” she asks. “Food? Hot chocolate?”

“I can run out and get you something if you’d like,” Fenris offers.

“Guys, I’m fine,” I reply, waving them off. “Okay, well not _fine_ , but I don’t want anything like that.”

“Wanna come sit in the living room, then?” Beth asks after another moment. “Unless you want Fenris and me in your bed.”

“And I think you’ve already used that joke, Hawke,” Fenris smirks kindly. “You need some new material.”

That pulls a small smile from me, and I let Beth help me up and lead me to the living room, where I sit heavily on the couch with my head in my hands. They both wait patiently for me to start, and I don’t know an easy way to begin so I just launch into the whole thing, starting from the game.

“And I don’t know what I _did wrong_ ,” I finish, nearly in tears again. Beth actually _is_ in tears sitting across from me, angry and upset, and Fenris looks like he’s ready to kill. I let out a shaky breath and slide onto the floor where I can bury my face in Woofy’s neck again.

We’re all silent for a minute or two as I let the story sink in. I don’t feel any better about what happened, but it does feel good to tell someone else.

“Well, if no one else is going to say anything…” Fenris finally sighs, taking a seat in the chair next to where I'm at on the floor.

“First of all, you did nothing wrong,” he starts. Beth wipes her eyes, nodding her head emphatically. “And I’m not just saying that as your friend. You know how I felt about this from the start.”

I nod weakly. He tried to warn me something wasn’t right, and I didn’t listen. I get it, I'm a trusting idiot. But I also don’t need another round of "I told you so’s" tonight.

“He’s frustrated and upset, Gare,” Beth speaks up, earning a sharp look from Fenris.

“I’m not defending him,” she says quickly. “I’m just saying…I bet he said a lot of things he didn’t mean. Maybe he just needs to cool down some before you talk to him again?”

“Why would he want to?” Fenris bites back. “Hawke, I hope you’re not thinking of going back to him.”

I don’t meet his eyes, but I’d bet he probably already knew the answer before he asked it. I appreciate what he’s saying, but I’m with Beth on this one right now.

“But Garrett,” Beth continues. “What did he mean, ‘it’s going to happen again’ or whatever he said. He’s _never_ mentioned that before?”

“He told me he had a bad relationship,” I say slowly, trying to remember. My brain isn’t exactly functional right now. “I assumed he was talking about Karl Thekla. I looked the two of them up online, but I never saw anything aside from rumors they were together. Nothing ever concrete.”

Beth sighs and sits back in disappointment.

“Well, that doesn’t help,” she mutters. “I just don’t get it…”

“He’s an asshole,” Fenris says firmly, looking at us both. “He wanted Hawke, but only on his terms. That’s not a healthy relationship.”

Beth frowns, but I shake my head slightly.

“I don’t think it was like that,” I insist. Maybe my feelings are making me biased, but I was also the one _in_ the actual relationship. “If that was the case, then why didn’t he just fuck me a few times and then disappear?”

“Isn’t that what he basically did?” Fenris asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No!” Beth and I shout at the same time.

“No,” I repeat more firmly. “He cares about me; I know he does. And he’s been _different_ the lately…in a good way, like more relaxed. Letting his guard down. More himself, I guess, cause he knew he didn’t have to put on some act around me. I don't know how to explain it.”

Beth smiles at me, but Fenris’ scowl hasn’t changed. I know I’m not going to be able to convince him of anything tonight. And honestly, I'm too drained to even try.

“Guys, I appreciate you coming over,” I sigh, rubbing my face. “But I’m exhausted.”

“Do you want us to stay tonight, Gare?” Beth asks. I shake my head no.

“I have off tomorrow. I think I’m just going to try and sleep this off.”

“Okay,” she says doubtfully. “Well, I don’t go in until the afternoon, so call me in the morning if you need anything.”

“Same here,” Fenris says, reaching out a hand to help me to my feet. Woofy jumps up too, looking between the three of us with his tail wagging.

Beth bends over, giving him scratches behind his ears and a kiss on his nose.

“You take good care of your daddy, okay Woofs?” Woofy just licks her face, which means ‘Of course I will. Don’t be stupid, Beth’ in dog language.

I walk them to the door, Beth giving me another hug.

“Thanks again, guys,” I reply wearily. I really need to sleep.

“Remember - anything, you call me,” Beth calls over her shoulder as they walk away. I give them a little wave then lock up, trudging back to my bed. I check my phone one more time and there’s still nothing so I give up.

Maybe all Anders needs is a good night’s sleep and he’ll be ready to talk in the morning. Maybe I’ll text him when I wake up and see if he wants to come over for breakfast. Food always helps.

Or maybe he’ll be here when I wake up, knocking down my front door to say he’s sorry. That thought puts a small smile on my face, and I’m finally able to drift asleep.

* * *

Anders is not there when I wake up the next day, and when I look at the clock and see it’s nearly 1 p.m. I give up on the idea of breakfast. I grab my phone anyway, a sharp spike of excitement in my chest when I see the text light blinking.

It’s only Beth, asking how I’m doing and if I want her to bring me any food. The disappointment is crushing, more so than I expected, and I end up curled up in a ball in the middle of my bed. I grab Anders’ pillow – which _does_ still smell like him this time since he slept here only two nights ago – and bury my face in it again.

My phone buzzes a little while later, and I _really_ don’t feel like telling Beth for the fiftieth time today that I’m fine. But, on the off-chance it’s Anders, I grab it anyway.

If I didn’t feel like reassuring Beth, then I absolutely don’t feel like having the conversation I’m getting ready to be pulled into.

**Neria:** _Garrett! :) I hope I'm not bothering you_

**Neria:** _Nate wanted me to check with you and see how Anders is doing_

**Neria:** _I think everyone was really freaked out last night_

Fuck…what do I say to that? “If you think YOU guys were freaked out, you should have seen me last night!” I have no idea what to tell her. Should I just lie? That would probably be the easiest. And least painful for everyone involved.

**Me:** _it’s fine, I'm just lying around :)_

**Me:** _I only saw him for a bit last night, but he was really upset_

Okay, so not really a lie. Just…omitting some details. A lot of details.

**Neria:** _Poor Anders :(_

**Neria:** _If he needs anything, Nate said to call him_

Sure, I’ll pass that message along the next time I talk to him. Which will probably be never.

**Neria:** _More importantly, how are YOU doing?_

**Neria:** _Nate said it was pretty bad_

**Me:** _he heard what Vael said?_

**Neria:** _Not really, but he heard Anders_

**Neria:** _No offense, but he said Anders sounded completely out of his mind_

**Neria:** _It sounds like they were lucky to pull him off Vael when they did_

Oh God…it didn’t even occur to me that other people might have heard their exchange. I saw Anders yelling, but I have no idea what he actually said. Maybe I can drag some info out of her.

**Me:** _what was he saying?_

**Me:** _he wasn’t really in the mood to explain things in detail last night_

I’m getting pretty good at this. It makes me feel like shit being this sneaky, but I have a feeling I’d feel even worse if I told her the whole story. And I really don’t need anything to make me feel worse right now.

**Neria:** _Umm…I think it involved a lot of creative ways he was going to put Vael in the hospital._

**Neria:** _Nate said he wasn’t really making sense_

Well, that was no help.

**Neria:** _Honestly…I’m surprised he’s not with you_

ABORT! ABORT! Right, _talk yourself out of this one now, Garrett…_

**Me:** _well, like I said…he was upset and tired_

**Neria:** _And so he went home? Just seems weird_

**Neria:** _I wouldn’t want to be alone after something like that_

**Neria:** _No offense, I'm not trying to pry or anything_

Same here. But what am I supposed to say?

**Me:** _I know…it’s complicated_

Alright, I’m not saying another word on the subject. If she doesn’t drop it then I’m going to have to pretend I’m busy, or my phone fell in the toilet, or something equally catastrophic.

But instead of a text my phone rings.

“Garrett...is everything okay?” Neria asks, somewhat suspiciously. 

“Sure!” I respond loudly. _You’re using your over-cheerful voice again._

“I mean, obviously things aren’t _great_ , but I’m great!”

“Did you two get into a fight?”

Am I that transparent? I guess there’s no point in avoiding this anymore.

“Yeah, kind of,” I sigh, throwing an arm over my eyes. “If by ‘fight’ you mean he came in here screaming at me like the entire thing with Vael was my fault, then yeah. We got into a fight.”

“ _What?_ How is any of that _your_ fault?”

I pause, trying to think of how best to phrase this. As ridiculous as Anders was, I’d still prefer to not make him sound like an asshole.

“Basically, um…he thinks I pushed him to be more ‘out’ with our relationship than he thought was appropriate. And when Vael saw us in Antiva, I guess that was the last straw.”

“But Garrett…he’s kept you hidden from _everyone_. No one has any idea you even exist. Sorry, that sounded rude, you know what I mean."

She sighs, but keeps going.

"I didn’t think it was fair he was keeping you so secret, and now you’re telling me he wanted to do it _more_?”

“Basically.”

I hear Neria mutter something under her breath before she lets out another deep sigh.

“I’m so sorry,” she eventually says. “I’m sure he’ll come around. He cares about you too much.”

“Yeah,” I bark out a bitter laugh. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you saw him last night.”

“Do you need me to do anything? Just name it, I’ll try to help.”

Yes, please smack some sense into my hopefully-still-boyfriend so he’ll talk this out.

“Nah,” I sigh. “I’m just going to give it some time, maybe call him later today to see how he’s doing. He might just need to cool down.”

“Maybe,” she says, relieved. “Alright, but don’t hesitate to call if you need to.”

After we hang up, I feel a little better. Maybe Anders really _did_ wake up in a better mood. Maybe he’s just feeling like shit after last night. I’m thinking it might be best if I make the first move, show him there're no hard feelings.

**Me:** _how are you feeling love?_

My stomach is in knots waiting for an answer. I really should get up and at least shower or eat something. But I also don’t feel like moving.

Woofy is standing near my bed, giving me those big dog eyes to tell me he wants to go out, and he’s pretty much the only thing that could get me moving this morning. Besides Anders.

As each hour goes by and I get no response my anxiety starts to grow…a combination of wondering if he’s okay and wondering if he hates me now. It isn’t until around dinner that I try to contact him again.

**Me:** _do you want to come over for dinner? I could grill us something_

I don’t have to wait for an answer this time – one comes almost a minute later.

**Anders:** _you need to stop messaging me_

Of anything I expected him to say, that wasn’t it. I get lightheaded, slumping heavily against the nearest wall as I slide down to the floor. I don’t…he can’t possibly mean that, can he? Oh God, I really fucked this up…

I force myself to take a couple deep breaths or I’m afraid I’m going to pass out. My heart is pounding in my chest, only made worse by the fact that it feels like the air is being squeezed out of me. I can’t do this, I think I might be sick.

I’m not even thinking when I press the call button and, like before, it goes straight to voicemail. I hang up and try again, only to have the same thing happen. This time, I stay on the line.

“Anders, love?” I start, my voice cracking. “Please don’t do this…can you just talk to me? I don’t…I’m so sorry, I don’t know what else to say. Just please don’t cut me off like this. Call me? I'm at home.”

I manage to hang up before the tears start falling, a choked sob forcing its way out of my throat. I pull my knees up to my chest, sitting curled up like that for I don’t know how long. Long enough that my neck and back start aching, finally forcing me to uncoil myself and move. I only manage to make it as far as the couch before I collapse again.

 _Who is this person?_ I keep thinking over and over. This isn’t the Anders I know. Sure, I’ve seen bits and pieces of him like this – no way I can forget the charity party, after all – but I never, ever expected _this_. At least, not towards me.

And I think that’s what hurts the most…I was supposed to be _different._ Special. He could treat someone like Vael like shit, but not his own boyfriend. Not the person he supposedly cared about the most. I can’t deal with this.

I press my face into the cushions and finally give in, letting go of the anger, frustration, and everything else that’s been pent up for the last day. I holler until my voice is gone and my tears are dried up, and only then am I able to sink back into blessed unconsciousness.

* * *

I let a couple days pass before I attempt to make contact again.

The days since our fight have been a blur. I spend any time I’m not at work asleep. I might as well be a zombie at work, only going through the motions mechanically until it’s time to go back home and pass out again. Bethany stops by every night to check on me and bring me some food (which I don’t eat). I’m pretty sure Fenris comes by during the day to check on Woofy, although neither of them says anything.

I haven’t heard a word from Anders. He got suspended for eight games and didn’t even bother to appeal it. Vael got suspended for five and he’s fighting it, claiming it was “unprovoked.” Which only makes me wish Anders had gotten another punch in before they pulled him off because he’s totally full of shit.

But Anders being suspended means he’s not even allowed at the park so I see no sign of him. No one talks about him, there’s nothing else in the papers after the first day. I have no idea what or how he’s doing, and by the third day I start worrying.

“Beth?” I croak out one morning at the bakery. My voice is so rusty from non-use. Bethany is at my side in an instant, looking up at me with concern.

“I'm okay,” I try to smile. “I, um…do you think I should call him?”

Beth lets out an audible sigh of relief and takes a step back, crossing her arms as she thinks.

“I don’t know, Gare,” she admits. “Maybe send him a text first?”

I nod, biting my lip as I try to think of something I could say to him. I told Beth I had reached out a couple days ago, but I didn’t tell her about his reply. She thinks he just ignored it.

“What are you going to say?” Beth asks. She reads minds sometimes, I swear.

“I don't know…what do you think?”

“Something short and simple,” she says immediately. “You don’t want to put pressure on him, but you want to let him know you still care.”

Beth clearly got the brains in the family.

I pull out my phone and it physically pains me to look at that last text message again, but I couldn’t bring myself to delete it. What if it's the last thing he ever sends me? 

I shake that thought out of my head. No need to get emotional at work.

“Okay, so what about…”

I pause when a customer comes in and Beth rushes over to help them. By the time she comes back, I think I got it.

“How about I just send him some dog emojis?”

Beth stares at me like I have four heads. I think dog emojis would be cute…

“Didn’t Woofy try to _bite him_?” she asks incredulously. Oh yeah. Okay, maybe not so cute.

I sigh, leaning against the wall with a loud thud. Sandal pokes his head out, giving Beth a worried glance until I smile and wave at him. He smiles in return and goes back to the kitchen.

“Can’t I just tell him I miss him?”

“Haven’t you done that like…twenty times already?”

Technically, no. I said it maybe twice. I may have _thought_ it about a hundred times a day, but no one needs to know that.

“I don’t know what to say that will get a response,” I groan. “A _good_ response. A non-yelling one.”

“I mean…maybe you shouldn’t push him, Gare,” Beth says carefully, watching my face for a reaction. “It’s only been a few days, and this was a pretty huge deal. He might not be ready.”

“But why doesn’t he miss me the way I miss him?” I plead, embarrassed at the desperation in my voice.

Beth wraps her arms around my waist, hugging me tight.

“Maybe he does,” she murmurs, letting me go. “You said he’s not good with these kinds of emotions…this might be really hard for him. He could be freaking out the same way you are.”

“But I tried to tell him I wasn’t mad!” I cry out. “How many more ways can I say that?”

Wait…did I ever actually say that? Maybe not those exact words, but I’m pretty sure it was implied in all my other messages. I guess it couldn’t hurt to make sure.

I pull out my phone and start typing, pressing send before Beth can stop me.

**Me:** _just iin cas there was any confusion, i’m not bad at you_

**Me:** _*mad at you_

God, I can’t even type a simple sentence. That’s what I get for rushing.

“What did you just do?” Beth shrieks, snatching the phone from my hand. I see her eyes go wide and a hand fly up to cover her mouth. It wasn’t _that_ bad.

She hands me my phone back, letting out a deep sigh.

“When did he send you that last message?” she asks quietly.

“Huh?” I ask, brow furrowing. Did he send me one and I missed— _oh._ That message.

“The day after,” I mutter, putting my phone away. I don’t want to look at it again.

“Oh, Garrett,” she sighs again. Her sympathy has the opposite effect…I’m starting to feel worse than I did before.

“Hey,” she says, forcing a smile on her face. “Why don’t we get everyone together tonight and go to Bianca’s? It’ll be good to get your mind off things.”

“No thanks,” I reply glumly. “I don’t need to deal with everyone tiptoeing around me all night. I’d rather just hang out with Woofy.”

“I can come over? Or you could call Fenris? I’m sure he’d be up for it.”

I shake my head no again and watch her face fall. I know she’s just trying to help, and I feel bad shutting her down, but I really, really can’t deal with people right now.

“I just need to deal with this on my own right now,” I tell her. She doesn’t believe me, that’s obvious, but she doesn’t try to argue with me, either.

I make it through the rest of my shift in silence, but I can already feel myself tumbling back down that black hole of self-doubt and self-loathing. Part of me is convinced this entire thing really _is_ my fault, although the rational half of my brain keeps telling me I’m nuts. The rational part of my brain and literally everyone else I’ve talked to, so why isn’t it enough to convince me?

By the time I get home that evening I must have checked my phone thirty more times to see if Anders responded. Every time I get a text from anyone else my heart leaps into my throat, and it only makes the sinking disappointment even deeper when I see it’s not him. I’m at the point where I’m ready to tell everyone else to leave me alone, just to save myself the distress. I can't imagine Anders is going through the same thing, despite what Beth says.

All I know is, I’m not entirely sure how much more of this I can take before I snap.

* * *

One week to the day with no word from Anders has me holding on by my last thread. I call Bethany that morning and ask if she can cover for me at work cause I’m not feeling well. I think she knows it’s bullshit, but I can’t drag myself out of bed today.

Around noon I hear a knock on my door. Bethany would have just let herself in, so I have to actually get up and go answer it. This is already way more work than I planned on doing today.

Surprisingly, it’s Merrill. With Carver begrudgingly in tow. Merrill is carrying a big plastic container of soup, which she promptly shoves into my hands. They both push their way past me – Carver making himself at home on the couch and Merrill dashing to the kitchen to grab bowls and spoons.

“Hello, Garrett! Bethany told us you weren’t feeling well,” Merrill calls from the kitchen as I slowly close the door. “Well, actually, she told Carver and then he told _me_ , but you get the idea!”

She beams at me and gestures for me to put the soup on the counter so she can begin spooning it out.

“So we thought you might be hungry and could use a little company,” she smiles. “This soup is my favorite.”

“Did Bethany ask you to check up on me?” I sigh. Merrill’s eyes go wide as she shakes her head no, right as I hear Carver call out a bored “yes” from the other room.

I sigh again but try to give her a smile.

“Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. Really.” Merrill’s smile returns and I start to feel bad.

“But…I’m not really in the mood for company,” I continue, hoping I sound apologetic. Which I _am_ , but I still feel like a dick. “And I’m not really that hungry. So you guys don't have to stick aro--”

“For fuck’s sake, Garrett, just eat the damn bowl of soup,” Carver yells. “Merrill cooked that from scratch for you.”

I raise my eyebrows in question at Merrill, who gives a little shrug and smile in response. Well, now I have to eat it. I can’t be mean to her, especially now that she’s Second Best Friend.

I take a bowl from her with a forced smile and go sit in the living room with Carver. Merrill appears a moment later with bowls for the two of them, sitting next to Carver on the couch. She gives Carver a quick peck on the cheek and he blushes slightly and smiles back. How am I not used to this yet?

The TV is turned on to the sports channel, which is showing highlights from last night’s ballgames. I haven’t even bothered to watch at all this week, so I have no idea how the Champs are doing.

“You watch last night?” Carver asks, nodding at the TV.

“Nah, I was tired,” I lie. I won’t bring up the fact that the last time I saw them was the night Anders pitched.

“Blackwall made a great catch,” he continues, unfazed. “Slammed into the wall so hard I thought he knocked himself out. Saved the game, though.”

I hum in acknowledgment, finishing up my soup. It _was_ very good – which I make sure I tell Merrill more than once, to her delight – but I’m really ready to go back to bed.

“We should have gotten bread when we stopped by the bakery this morning,” Carver grumbles after he finishes his second bowl. Only he would be whining about more food.

“You had two croissants before we got here!” Merrill giggles.

“Well…I could have eaten more.”

I open my mouth to make a snide comment when it dawns on me.

“Guys!” I shout, standing up so suddenly I nearly knock my bowl over. “I have to go.”

“Go where, Garrett?” Merrill calls as I dash to my room.

“Probably to the bathroom,” I hear Carver mutter. “We should get going anyway.”

“But I want to see if he’s okay…”

I slam my door, rooting through my drawers to find something clean to put on. I’m dressed and back in the living room before Merrill can put the dishes in the dishwasher and they both pause to give me a confused look.

“Did you guys drive or do you need a ride?” I ask before they can speak. Carver holds up his pair of car keys.

“Okay, great. Lock up on your way out? See you guys later. And thanks!”

I rush past them, practically sprinting to my car. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before, I’m so _dumb_.

The bakery door slams open as I rush inside, and everyone stops to stare. There are only maybe two customers, but Beth and Orana freeze behind the counter and I see Sandal’s head appear in the doorway.

“Sorry,” I grin. “No cause for alarm.”

“Gare?” Bethany reaches out to touch my arm as I pass. “What happened?”

“Our idiot brother and his bottomless pit of a stomach gave me the best idea,” I call over my shoulder as I rush past her. I grab my apron and hurry back to the front display case, looking over its contents. Luckily, most of what I need is there.

“Can you maybe tell us why Carver’s stomach helped you?” Beth asks, appearing at my side. She looks worried but has a confused smile on her face.

“I’m going to send Anders some pastries!” I grin triumphantly. “It’s how we first met, right? Maybe it’ll…I don’t know, bring back some good memories? I can make food better than I can make apologies.” That made sense, right?

It must be a good idea because Beth’s eyes light up, and I hear Orana let out a small “aww!” from behind her.

“What can I help with?” Beth asks, now smiling for real.

“Um, I want to send him those brownies I made for him before, but we don’t have any,” I reply, glancing at the case again. “I’m gonna make those, so can you pack up half a dozen of the croissants for me?”

“I’m on it.”

I give her a quick kiss on the top of her head and rush into the kitchen, pulling ingredients from the shelf as fast as I can. Sandal has paused in the middle of icing a cake to watch me with wide eyes.

“Are you better, Garrett?” he asks.

I shoot him a grin, making space on the counter.

“Hopefully I will be soon, buddy.”

* * *

I’m about halfway through the mix when Beth wanders back into the kitchen, leaning on the counter next to me.

“So…” she begins. “How are you getting it to him?”

 _Fuck_.

I don’t know if I said that out loud or not, but I might as well have because Beth sighs and drops her head.

“Well, it’s not like you can send it to the ballpark. They won’t let it go through security.”

“He’s not even there, anyway,” I mutter. _How_ did I forget this??

“Do you have his address?”

I let out a growl of frustration, shaking my head no.

I go back to the batter and put a batch in the oven while we think. This is _going_ to happen, so these damn things are being baked.

“Hmm…it’s obviously not going to be listed publicly,” Bethany resumes. “You don’t happen to have Justice’s number, do you?”

I know she’s joking, but it gives me an idea.

“No, but I do have someone else’s!” I grin, giddiness filling my chest again as I pull out my phone.

“Garrett!” Neria’s voice cries out from the other end. “Are you okay? How are you?”

“I’m okay, I just need a HUGE favor.”

“Okay?”

“I have this…package. That I want delivered to Anders. Do you know how I can get it to him?” Sure, this doesn’t sound suspicious at all.

“Ummm…”

“It’s just some pastries,” I reply quickly. I give her an abbreviated explanation of the logic behind it, and by the end she’s giving me the same “awws” I just heard from Orana. She tells me she’ll talk to Nate and see what she can do. I thank her profusely before hanging up, leaning heavily against the counter. My energy is already drained.

“What did she say?”

“She’s going to talk to Howe and see what they can do,” I sigh. I make my way over to the small table we have set up in the back where we take our breaks. Beth takes the seat across from me, pushing over a cup of coffee I never saw her get. I smile at her gratefully and down almost half of it in one gulp.

“Carver said they locked up, by the way,” she says. “Sorry for the sneak attack, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

I wave her off, closing my eyes as I rest my head on the wall behind me. It would be so nice to sleep right now…

My phone rings a couple seconds later, snapping me awake.

“Okay, so don’t be mad…” Neria starts, and my stomach begins to sink. “But you might be getting a call from Justice.”

“ _WHAT?”_

“What is it?” Beth hisses from across the table.

“I know, I’m sorry!” Neria wails. “But Nate called him cause we didn’t have Anders’ address and Justice said he was planning on going to check on Anders today _anyway_ because he’s not answering anyone’s messages, so…”

She takes a deep breath, and I let out the one I was holding. This explanation is no less terrifying.

But wait…

“Anders isn’t answering anyone?”

“No,” she says glumly. “No one’s seen or heard from him in days. Justice is worried so he’s going over there before the game. He said he would call you to find out when he can pick up the food.”

“And he just readily agreed to all this?” I ask suspiciously.

“Well…” Neria drawls. I knew there was more. “I think he wants to talk to you. Hear your side of the story and all that. He’s the only one that has half a clue what’s going on, and he won’t say anything.”

I sigh, gesturing to Beth that it’s okay so she calms down. I guess I don’t really have a choice in the matter.

“That’s fine,” I finally reply, glancing at the clock. “But I hope he calls soon or he’s going to be late to the game.”

“Good luck, Garrett. With everything.”

I thank her again and we say goodbye before I put my head in my hands, letting out a low moan. I don’t know if I can handle Justice right now. I might not be able to talk.

“Well?” Beth demands. Right. She’s still here.

“Justice is going to call me,” I mumble through my hands. “He’s going to check up on Anders and offered to deliver the food.”

“ _What?_ ” she screeches, right as my phone rings again. I don’t recognize the number, so it can only be one person.

“Hello?” I’m praying my voice doesn’t give out on me as I greet him.

“Garrett Hawke?”

“Um…yes?”

“This is Kristoff. I hope you were expecting my call.”

I almost say “ _who?_ ”, but I catch myself before I look like a jackass. Of course he doesn’t go around calling himself Justice.

“Yeah, uh…I guess you know the story?”

“I’d rather talk about it in person,” he says curtly. “Where and when can I meet you?”

I give Beth a panicked look, and she just shrugs like _what do you want me to do?_ I hadn’t gotten this far in my thinking.

“Well, the brownies probably only need a little bit longer. So um…we could meet at the bakery if you want, in maybe 15 minutes or so? It’s probably closer than my house.”

“That’s acceptable,” he agrees. I give him the address, and he tells me he’s leaving now.

“Oh my God,” I moan, resting my head on the table once I hang up.

“Did you just tell him to come _here?_ ” Beth asks, wide-eyed.

“I didn’t have any other choice!” I insist. “He’s going to come here and we’re going to talk.”

I'm terrified, I can't lie, so I get up to check the brownies to give me something to do. But I stop first next to Beth, resting a hand on her shoulder with a solemn look.

“If I die, don’t give Carver any of my stuff.”

She laughs and shoves me away.

“You’re going to be fine,” she scoffs. “Maybe Justice is on your side.”

We both pause. I hadn’t considered that.

“Or he’s coming here to beat you up,” she muses with a shrug. “Either way…”

“Why would you say that!” I wail. _This isn’t helping_.

Beth starts cracking up and I just glare at her as I take the brownies out of the oven to cool.

“Be logical, Gare,” she says. “Why would he agree to deliver the food if he wasn’t willing to listen to you?”

“Because maybe he’s just using it as an excuse to come beat me up!”

“Okay, first, we’re not in elementary school,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“Carver still tries to beat people up.”

“Carver still has the mentality of a ten-year-old,” she retorts. “ _Second_ , you said he stuck up for you or whatever at the party. Maybe he just honestly wants to help.”

I stay quiet, musing over the whole thing while I make the peanut butter frosting. Beth grabs the next tray of brownies and puts them in the oven, cutting the first tray and getting them ready for me. 

I’m just about finished icing the last brownie when Orana comes into the back, eyes wide.

“Garrett?” she begins tentatively. “There’s a man here to see you.”

“Oh God,” I mutter.

“You can do this, Gare,” Beth whispers, shoving me towards the front.

All three of us walk back into the shop, the girls hurriedly going about their business while I try to smile at Justice. He looks like any other guy that comes in here, yet he’s still terrifying.

“Good to see you again,” he greets with a handshake. Well, that was nicer than I expected.

“You, too. So um…why don’t we go talk in the back?”

I lead him into the kitchen, telling Sandal he can take a break if he likes. Sandal stares at Justice but doesn’t say anything, just nods and leaves the room. I gesture for Justice to sit at the table Beth and I were at only minutes before. I grab the box of food and slide it over to him, taking the other chair.

“Anders told me what happened,” he says bluntly. Guess we aren’t wasting time with small talk.

“Well, you were right there…” I shrug. “You know better than I do what Vael said.”

“I heard Vael that night, that’s not what I meant,” he says dismissively. “I mean Anders told me what he said to you afterward.”

 _Oh_.

“Yeah, well…” I look down at the table, fiddling with my fingers while I swallow the lump in my throat. I suddenly really don’t want to talk about this again.

“He was wrong and shouldn't have spoken to you like that.”

I look up at Justice, but his expression hasn’t changed. He’s just staring at me, totally blank, observant look on his face.

“However,” he continues before I can reply. “Anders has his reasons for acting the way he did. Reasons he informed me he hasn’t shared with you.”

I just nod dumbly. I have _so_ many things I want to ask him, but I let him finish.

“It's not my place to tell you,” he says. “And I can’t speak for him, but…”

He hesitates, glancing around the room. It’s the first time I’ve seen him show anything close to emotion since he’s been here.

“I can’t speak for him, but I believe he still cares for you very much,” he finishes, looking back at me. “Which is why I agreed to help.”

“Is he okay?” I burst out before I can help myself. “I just…want to know he’s okay. Even if he doesn’t want to see me again.”

Justice doesn’t say anything at first, and I have to look away, biting my lip to keep myself calm. The last thing I need is to start crying all over again…in front of _him_.

“He hasn’t spoken to me in a few days,” Justice finally says. “Or anyone, that I know of. So hopefully, yes.”

That doesn’t reassure me at all, but I nod.

“Could you…or someone…let me know?” Hopefully it’s not too much to ask.

“Yes,” Justice says, taking the box and standing. I stand as well and start to walk him back to the front, but he stops me right before we get there.

“And thank you, for wanting to try,” he says quietly, looking at me again. “He has very few people who have ever honestly cared about him.”

I try to give him a smile, but I can’t quite do it so I nod instead, gesturing for him to walk ahead of me. Beth is trying not to stare as we reappear and I walk him to the door.

“Thank you for doing this,” I tell him, realizing I hadn’t said it before. “It really means a lot to me.”

He nods, and I swear there’s a hint of a smile on his face, but I don’t get a good chance to look because I feel something barrel into my side.

“Um, sir? Justice…sir, uh, do you want one for the road?” Bethany holds out a small bag, and I see another large brownie inside. She’s blushing and can’t quite look at him, and it’s absolutely adorable. Enough that I can finally break into a smile.

Justice looks between us for a minute before I clear my throat, remembering my manners.

“Oh, um, sorry, this is my younger sister, Bethany,” I introduce her. “And Beth already knows who you are. She’s a big fan.”

Justice reaches out to shake her hand, and she’s practically bouncing with excitement as she shakes it back. This time, Justice really _does_ smile, cause Beth is just that charming.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he says. “And thank you for the food.”

With another look at me we say goodbye, and he leaves. Beth promptly punches me in the arm.

“ _Ow!_ ” I holler. “What was that for?”

“You made me sound like a stalker!”

“I did _not_ ,” I protest, walking with her back to the counter. “I just said you were a fan. Which you _are_.”

She throws her hands up and goes back to filling up the display case. Since I’m not working and did what I came for, technically I can go home. But I still hesitate a minute, feeling bad.

“Take the rest of the brownies and go, Garrett,” Beth calls, arranging pieces of pie. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” I reply sarcastically. She’s probably right, though…I really should go home and try to function like a normal person for once. Now that I have that little sliver of hope back.

Beth walks over, brownies already boxed up and shoves it at me before reaching up to give me a big hug.

“Let me know if you need me,” she murmurs into my shoulder.

“Just please don't send Carver next time."

* * *

I eat two brownies on the way home, suddenly ravenous. Woofy is thrilled when I walk in, and for the first time in a week I feel like playing with him. I grab his favorite ball and he jumps around me, ecstatic, as we head to the back yard to throw it around a bit. I figure it’ll help distract me until I hear from Justice.

It’s hot, so we don’t stay out too long, but when I check my phone, I realize Justice should be at the field by now and I still haven’t heard from him. I’m trying not to get nervous but it’s hard, knowing now I’ll have to wait until the game is over to be able to talk to him. And despite our heart to heart, I don’t think we’re quite at the level where I can text him first.

Bethany texts me once, wanting to know if I heard anything. I’m getting more anxious and impatient the more time goes by, and nothing can hold my interest for more than a few minutes. I’m tempted to ask Fenris to come over and hang out for a bit, but he’s still not very happy with my decision. Not that he would act any differently, but I don’t want to put him in an awkward spot and I'm not quite at a place mentally where we can talk it out.

I can’t quite bring myself to watch the game yet, either. I turn it on at the start and get through maybe half an inning (partially just to make sure Justice was, indeed, there) before I have to turn it off. I opt for a shower and pajamas and then curl up on the couch with a random movie.

I guess I doze off, because when my phone buzzes on my chest it nearly gives me a heart attack. First from the surprise, but then from the realization that it’s _finally_ got to be Justice.

Except…it’s not.

I see Anders’ name on the notification screen, but it takes me a solid minute before I work up the nerve to actually open it up.

 **Anders:** [attachment]

 **Anders** : _you always know what I want_

It’s a picture of the pastry box with what looks like half of the contents (mostly the croissants) already eaten. I don’t know what kind of inhuman noise I let out upon seeing that, but it’s hideous enough that Woofy looks over at me and whines. I want to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time, and my fingers are shaking so much I can barely type back.

**Me:** _isn’t that your line?_

**Anders** : _well, I don’t seem to know what I want anymore_

**Anders:** _so you can use it for a while_

The comment stings a little, but I'm too excited to be talking to him to let it hurt for long. I’m not quite sure how to respond without launching into the “are you okay?” line of texts I’ve typed and deleted a hundred times over the last week. But the more time I spend trying to decide, the more anxious I get.

And, God…he probably thinks I don’t want to talk to him since I'm taking so long. I’m going to fuck this up. _Don’t fuck this up, Garrett._ Where is Beth when I need her?

**Me:** _btw_ _Justice terrifies me_

Not exactly what I meant to say, but as good an ice breaker as any, I guess. There’s a pause before he answers.

**Anders:** _most people would agree with you_

**Me:** _please don’t tell him I said that_

**Me:** _he’s going to haunt my dreams as it is_

**Me:** _I'm going to expect him to jump out at me every time I open the stockroom door_

My heart aches a little at how easily we’ve fallen back into our usual banter. We still haven’t said anything of substance, and I really have no idea how he is other than, you know, _alive_. Which is definitely a plus. But he could also turn around here and say, “thanks for the food, I never want to see you again.” I don’t want to brace myself for that possibility, but I kind of have to.

**Anders:** _that was the first time I’ve laughed in a week_

**Anders** : _I promise it’ll be our secret_

Okay, we’re throwing that last possibility out the window, fuck it. I’m so happy right now I take a screenshot of his last texts and immediately send it off to Beth.

 **Me:** [attachment]

**Me:** _:)))))_

**Bethany** : _OMG GARRETT_

**Bethany:** _I can’t believe you’re going to make me cry again_

**Bethany:** _text me later if you can, k? I’ll be at Bela’s_

In my excitement, I realize I haven’t responded to Anders. _Shit_.

**Me:** _that makes me really happy_

**Me:** _well, both things do haha_

I don’t get an immediate response and I start to panic before realizing that I wasn’t exactly sending speedy replies either. I hear Woofy whining near the back door, so I run back there to let him out real fast, hopefully giving Anders enough time to reply without me snapping my phone in half in impatience.

It buzzes right as I sit back down.

 **Anders** : _are you busy right now?_

Oh God.

**Me:** _nope, just waiting to let Woofy in_

Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned Woofy. Beth has me paranoid now about bringing him up around Anders. Although, to be honest, I wasn’t sure I would _have_ the chance to bring him up around Anders ever again, so I hadn't dwelled on it very much.

A few minutes go by again and he doesn’t answer. Letting Woofy outside was good luck so I hop up to let him back in hoping I’ll have another message when I get back.

But even after another ten minutes, I still have nothing. My fingers are itching to type something else, but I don’t know if he’s busy or just doesn’t feel like talking to me anymore. Is it going to seem desperate if I message him again? Maybe I can stick it out another minute…

I decide to turn everything off and migrate to my bedroom where I’ll be more comfortable. I love my couch, but after accidentally falling asleep on it way too many times this week, I think we need some time apart.

Almost 20 minutes have gone by with nothing else, so I figure I might as well go for it.

**Me:** _also, I think my sister might have a secret crush on Justice_

Humor always helps, right? I mean, to me that statement is horrifying, but he would probably find it funny.

Except he must not, because I still get nothing in reply. I should be happy with the little bit of conversation I got…it’s more than I’ve had in a week, after all. And more than I ever expected to have again. It’s a good first step, right? Like…obviously he doesn’t hate me. So I should count this as a win.

I decide to go to sleep, even though I have off tomorrow. A good brother would offer to take Beth’s shift in exchange for the one she covered today, but I kind of…don’t want to be busy. In case Anders messages me again.

 _I can come to terms with how pathetic I am,_ I think glumly as I roll over. _If it means I get to talk to him again._

I don’t get to sleep for long, though, because I wake up with an eerie sense of déjà vu and very loud knocking on my front door.

“Coming,” I call, staggering into the living room.

If I thought I looked bad, it’s nothing compared to the man standing in my doorway. But he’s still the most amazing thing I’ve seen in a week.

“Anders?”

“Can I come in?” he asks nervously. “I think it’s time we talked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Guy Justice is my favorite, I can't lie. As scary as he may be.
> 
> So...after this there's going to be two things posted together. One will be a stand-alone fic going more in depth into Karl and Anders' relationship (from Anders' POV) and then the next chapter of this fic. The stand-alone is a little heavy and I know not everyone reads the related fics for this, so it's not going to be absolutely necessary to read it to understand what happens in ch. 19. Anders will give an abbreviated summary of at least the end of that fic. But Karl is adorable so I would recommend it, even if it will hurt lol. 
> 
> As usual, comments, etc. are always welcome! Feel free to come say hi on [tumblr](http://www.draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett and Anders finally talk and decide where to go from here. Garrett discovers something unexpected about his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE, remember me?
> 
> I apologize profusely for taking so long to finish this chapter, but if you follow/check my fic list you'll see that I wrote about 120k words about this universe in the meantime lmao. No, but seriously, I'm sorry. 
> 
> This chapter will FINALLY explain Karl and Anders' story. If you'd like to read about it in more detail (which I'd recommend, although I know it's not for everyone) then check out [In the Books.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9225734/chapters/20922869) It's a tough read and gets heavy at times, but you get a good feel for Karl's character and young Anders and it explains things much better than I can here. Also, younger Justice! I'm hoping that I was able to summarize that entire fic in a few pages this chapter.
> 
> Updated tags, but let me know if I missed something and I'll add it. Warnings for some minor violence at the end.
> 
> Not beta'd so any mistakes are my own. Add them to the list of things I'm sorry for lol.

“Um,” I gulp, failing to hide the surprise on my face. “Yeah, I mean, of course.”

I manage to collect myself quickly, moving aside so Anders can come in. He doesn’t meet my eyes, rushing into the room with the same sense of purpose he had a week ago…although with hopefully a much different attitude.

I shut the door quietly, standing there unsure what to do. I’m not prepared for this! I was so excited just to have a response I hadn’t even thought of seeing him face-to-face. I would have needed at least half a day to get ready.

Anders looks at me then, searching my face desperately. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a month, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s even bothered to eat or shower, either.

“Do you want me to get you something?” I ask, my voice hoarse with emotion. “A drink? Food?”

He doesn’t answer, taking a few strides until he’s suddenly right in front of me, cupping my face in his hands. He looks like he’s on the verge of tears but he laughs instead, pressing our foreheads together.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he half-laughs, half-sobs. “I’m so sorry, Garrett. So sorry…”

I wrap my arms tightly around him, holding him while he buries his head in my shoulder. His hands claw at my shirt, clutching me in desperation while his entire body shakes. I keep murmuring soothing words and sounds, kissing the top of his head periodically.

I’m so torn. I feel like I’m ready to explode. I want to scream and cry and let out all of the emotions that I’ve had pent up inside of me over the last week, like he’s doing now. But another part of me – the part that I think is keeping me in control – wants to kill whoever did this to him. I’m suddenly so full of anger _I’m_ nearly shaking with it. This is an absolutely broken man I’m holding, and God help the person who caused it if I ever run into them.

“Love?” I finally whisper. “How about we sit down and I’ll make you something hot to drink?”

“ _No_ ,” Anders gasps into my chest. “Stay with me. Please, stay with me.”

“I’m just going into the kitchen,” I respond, as gently as I can. It’s literally like 20 feet away and he can see me the entire time.

“I’ll come with you,” he says, pulling back.

He drags the back of his hand across his face, looking at me expectantly. I swipe at a tear lingering in the corner of his eye, pressing the wetness to his nose. That draws a genuine smile from him as he nudges me with his shoulder.

“Come on,” I murmur, lacing our fingers together.

He leans against the counter while I busy myself in the kitchen, warming some milk and making a couple of sandwiches, just in case. All I can think of is what a mess _I’ve_ been the last week, how little I ate or slept, and Anders looks a hundred times worse than I felt. The least I can do is give him a sandwich or two.

I can see his eyes following me the entire time, never letting me out of his sight. Not that he really could, considering my kitchen isn’t that big, but he’s entirely focused on my movements. It’s a little unnerving, honestly, but if it makes him feel better…

I hand him a mug with a smile, balancing the sandwiches and my own drink as we make our way back into the living room. He waits for me to take a seat first, then practically sits on top of me. He just stares at his mug for a few moments until I place a sandwich on his lap, then he startles, like he forgot where he was.

“Thank you,” he says hoarsely, taking the sandwich. He stares at both it and the mug for a moment longer before putting them on the table. I give his leg a gentle squeeze, trying for encouragement, but he looks at it like he has no idea what I’m doing.

Okay, I don’t know what to do here. I want to comfort him, but I don’t know if he’ll let me. I definitely want to hear what he has to say, but I also don’t want to push him. Why am I always so _bad_ at things like this? There should be a manual.

“Karl’s dead,” Anders says quietly, out of the blue.

_What?_

I just sit there like an idiot, blinking at him with my mouth hanging open. He still hasn’t looked at me, brow furrowed as he bites his lip, twisting his fingers together. _Get a fucking grip, Garrett. Your boyfriend needs you._

“I’m so sorry,” I finally reply. “I…had no idea.”

Anders looks at me sharply, almost in disbelief, before his gaze softens and he nods.

“It was my fault,” he murmurs.

“Don’t say that,” I immediately blurt out. “You can’t blame yourself.”

As guilty as it makes me feel, I can’t help but hope that’s the truth. I’m not sure what I’ll do otherwise.

He gives me a brief, small smile before his face becomes pinched with emotion again.

“Thanks,” he whispers. “But it’s true. He was in a…not good situation, and I didn’t take it seriously. I could have – _should_ have – done more, but I just…I thought I could fix it.”

He goes quiet again, dropping his head to rest in his hands. I reach over with a tentative hand and place it on his back. He stiffens for a second but doesn’t move to push me away, so I begin to rub small circles on his back like I’ve seen Merrill do with Carver. If it works for _him_ , then it’s got to work for everyone.

“Can I ask what happened?”

Anders lets out a deep, shaky sigh before sitting up straight. He still doesn’t quite look at me, but at least he’s turned a little more in my general direction.

“Let me just…I’ll tell you the whole story, I’m just trying to think of how.”

He pauses for a few seconds, then finally looks at me with a pained expression.

“You know, you’re literally going to be the only one I’ve ever told this to,” he says, corner of his mouth quirking up in a sad smile. “So, sorry if I’m having a little trouble.”

I open my mouth to reassure him again, but he keeps going.

“Justice is the only other one who knows, but…well, he was there for it.”

I try and think back to our first real conversation about Justice. Anders had mentioned something about Justice being there for him during a hard time, but I can’t remember if there had been more to it. More likely I was in a dumb, love-struck haze and was only half listening.

He takes another deep breath and I sit up a little straighter, waiting in anticipation.  

“Karl was…everything,” he begins, quietly. “He was my entire world, and I don’t know if he ever knew it.”

I don’t say anything, and I kind of hate the fact that I’m already a little jealous.

“We met my first day of spring training with the Rebels,” he continues. “I don’t know about him, but it was love at first sight for me.”

He shakes his head, closing his eyes briefly as the emotion washes over him again.

“He was so perfect,” he whispers. “I didn’t deserve him.”

“You deserve _so_ much,” I interrupt. “Don’t say that.”

He smiles briefly before his face drops, and he launches into the story in earnest.

Karl doesn’t sound like me at all. Not that I guess I really _expected_ him to. He sounds sweet…a little shy and unsure of himself, but I can see what must have attracted Anders to him. On top of Anders repeatedly implying how hot he was.

It’s his attitude that strikes me the most, though. His _and_ Anders’. Karl was reserved in public, uncomfortable if Anders even shot a fond look in his direction, let alone tried to touch him. How hesitant Karl was to even acknowledge their relationship, convinced that someone like Anders could never love someone like him. _That_ feeling I know, at least.

But Anders…Anders sounds like _me_. Exactly like me. And I won’t interrupt him to say this, but it really hurts. He _knows_ how I feel because he lived through it! And to have him deny it over and over again…

Ten years is a long time to fall out of old habits, though. Or old mindsets. I’m amazed when he tells me that the Rebels deemed Karl the better of the pair, choosing to bring him up to the majors before Anders. That seems like it was the turning point for the pair; the first time Anders had any inclination that something was wrong.

“I had suspected it all fall, but it wasn’t until that Christmas that I realized he was having problems,” Anders says, finally taking a break to drink his hot chocolate. He gives me a funny look when he realizes what it is. Like I’m _not_ going to keep hot chocolate in the house year-round.

“I asked him what I could do to help, but he said there wasn’t anything,” he explains. “I didn’t believe him, obviously. I thought he just didn’t want my help or didn’t know how to ask for it. I thought just _being_ there, loving him, was enough. Isn’t that what they teach you in the movies? That love can conquer everything?”

He shakes his head again, now looking bitter more than anything. I bite my lip and stay quiet…I’m assuming that was a rhetorical question.

“Well, let me tell you,” he mutters. “It doesn’t. Cause I loved him more than anything in this world and it couldn’t save him. I gave him everything, would have given him even _more_ , but it wouldn’t have mattered.”

He keeps going, describing their only major league season together. How he thrived in spring training while Karl faltered, the other man relying on his friend Kristoff for companionship while Anders enjoyed the spotlight.

“Did you know Justice didn’t even _like_ me when we first met?” Anders grins, a rare display this evening. “He was Karl’s friend, not mine. I’m pretty sure he thought I was a stuck-up brat and wanted nothing to do with me. I’m also pretty sure he would have _told_ me that, but Karl probably stopped him.”

“I thought you were the only person Justice _did_ like,” I blurt out, furrowing my brow. Now I’m distracted and want to hear more about young Justice. _Not the time, Garrett_. It pulls a laugh out of Anders, so I guess my confusion was worth it.

“Ask him about it sometime,” he chuckles.

“Um…I will _not_ be doing that, thanks,” I mumble. My poor nerves can only handle so much.

He just smiles at me fondly before sighing and rubbing the bridge of his nose, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before starting up again.

He talks for the better part of the hour, going into so much detail I’m amazed that he even remembers it. It just makes me wonder how often he’s dwelled on these events, how many times he’s turned them over and over in his head until they all blur together. I barely remember things that happened a couple of months ago.

The end is particularly hard for him.

Karl gets hurt during one game, a ball smashing his arm in three places. Anders blamed himself, although I’m still not quite sure why. Anders hadn’t been feeling well but started the game anyway, pitching horribly. He was eventually taken out and Karl replaced him, leading to the fateful at-bat.

Karl was told almost immediately that he would never pitch again, sending him spiraling downwards.

“I was shitty about it,” Anders admits. “Not about him pitching, I tried to cheer him up as much as possible. But I…may have tried to capitalize on it.”

He looks guilty, scratching his neck for a few seconds.

“I told him I wanted to come out,” he sighs. I’m struck dumb at the admission.

“I tried to argue that he was only worried about our relationship because of our careers,” he says. “His family already knew, and I didn’t care what people thought about me, so I figured it was worth a shot. He…did not take it well.”

I’m still speechless. _Anders_ was the one suggesting they be open about their relationship? Did I hear him right?

“It was a big deal to him, whether or not he was pitching,” Anders continued. “I don’t want to say he was paranoid about it, but, well…”

“And it rubbed off on you,” I mumble.

Although Karl’s arm recovered, his mental state never bounced back. Already fighting his crippling depression, he withdrew even more. He moved out of their shared apartment in Calenhad and into Anders’ house a few hours away. It didn’t help that he was estranged from his family, with no friends other than Justice. Anders was forced to watch his decline from afar.

“I _knew_ something was wrong,” he insists. “I mean, I could just tell from the way we talked – how he never _wanted_ to talk – that he was getting worse. But every time I brought it up, he denied it. Or told me he was working on it. I would tell him I’d come visit and he’d tell me not to. I finally stopped listening to him and just showed up.”

“Was he mad?”

“Nah,” Anders shakes his head. “We had a great time. Justice came for dinner and then left, and I stayed overnight. We got into an argument about how he was feeling but made up right away. We always did. He was planning a trip, he told me. I knew nothing about it, and he refused to give me any details. I didn’t like anything about it, but he said he was going regardless and I was powerless to stop him.”

He takes a deep breath, looking at me briefly. I give him an encouraging smile, my stomach twisting in knots at the turn the story is taking.

“When I went to leave, he poured his heart out to me,” Anders says, quieter. “Told me how much he loved me, how important I was to him…all these things that I told him all the time and I knew he felt, but never said back. I left, and I was just about back to Calenhad when I realized he was telling me goodbye for good.”

I suck in a breath a little louder than I intended and Anders doesn’t miss the noise, flinching slightly.

“I freaked out, called him once I got home,” he continues. “Karl was fine. He said I was overreacting, but he postponed his trip a couple of days since I was so upset.”

“Did you ever find out where he was going?” I ask, biting my tongue immediately after asking. It’s probably not important. Anders just gives me a sort of incredulous side-eyed look for a moment and I feel dumb, like I missed something. He opts not to respond, just continues talking.

“The next night my game went long,” he whispers. “I got home to a string of panicked texts and missed calls from Karl. I freaked out, but I knew better this time. I called Justice first, asked him what he thought instead of bombarding Karl with calls right away. Justice told me to call the police.”

“Oh God,” I murmur, closing my eyes.

“I, um…” he says, voice shaking. “They got him to the hospital in time. I made it there a few hours later.”

There was a confrontation with Karl’s parents – who didn’t remotely like Anders or his “influence” on Karl – before he was able to talk to him. I have to choke back another noise as Anders describes their last conversation and Karl’s final request.

“I couldn’t do it,” he says through his sobs, shaking his head. “I could never do that, especially not to him. But I promised him I would think about it, tried to buy myself some time, and he seemed relieved.”

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, wiping his eyes.

“He left that night,” he whispers, barely loud enough for me to hear. “I got the call a few hours later.”

Anders laughs a little, wiping his face again.

“He could always read me,” he says. “He knew I was full of shit. So he did it himself. All I can think of is what his mind must have been like those last few hours. I abandoned him.”

He doesn’t say anything after that, and I don’t either. What _can_ I say? Anders picks up his drink again, draining the rest as I stare at my hands, trying to comprehend everything I just heard. It’s almost too much…I have no idea how I should be feeling right now, and there are so many emotions running through me I’m almost dizzy with it.

He glances at me nervously from the corner of his eyes and I can tell he’s waiting for me to say something, even if it’s just to acknowledge that I was listening.

“Anders…” I sigh. He turns to face me, trying not to look hopeful and failing. I’m terrified that I’m going to say the wrong thing and fuck this up even worse, but I know I don’t really have the option to stay quiet.

“I’m so sorry,” I murmur. “I know it’s not…I know that doesn’t really _mean_ anything and that you’ve heard it a hundred times before, but I really, really am.”

He gives me a small smile, and I try to give him one back, but it falls short, so I reach out and take his hand instead.

“I just can’t imagine going through that and coming out okay.”

And just like that, I _am_ imagining it. Imagining Anders in Karl’s spot, me trying desperately to get through to the one person I love the most in the world and failing, over and over. Knowing in the back of my head that nothing I do can change things, but trying anyway. I got a small taste of it this week and it was torture…how did he do it for over a _year_? On top of everything else in his life, and in a much, much more severe situation.  

I can’t take it. I yank my hand back, shaking my head and trying to cover my eyes as they well up with tears. Just the thought of losing him…

“Love?” Anders croaks out. He reaches over to brush the hair out of my face but I jerk away. I don’t want him to see me like this.

“Love, please don’t…” he begs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you, I just thought I could explain—“

“I’m not mad at you,” I interrupt, sniffling. “I just can’t imagine…I don’t know that I could do it.”

I finally turn to him and he’s looking at me so sorrowfully I want to burst into tears again, but I manage to hold myself back. I take a gamble instead, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“You’re so strong,” I whisper. “And I’m so happy you’re here.”

And even though I mean the words, it’s not enough to cover what I’m feeling. He must sense it because he doesn’t say anything as I pull back and shift slightly away. I’m suddenly exhausted, and bed sounds _really_ good right now. But I have a feeling we’re only getting one shot at this conversation, and I can’t waste it. Not that it magically makes the words appear in my mouth.

“I’m not really sure what to say,” I admit. “I have a lot of stuff going through my head right now.”

Anders just nods in reply. I’m trying to make sense of all this…trying to decide where I even want to start in our conversation. I’m hurt, angry, jealous, sad on Anders’ behalf, but most of all, I’m _worried_. Where do we go from here?

“I’m going to wash up and get some air,” Anders murmurs. “Give you a little time to get your thoughts together, okay?”

“Thanks,” I say in relief. Maybe not having him stare at me will help. I tell him to use the small bathroom so he doesn’t bother Woofy, and a couple of minutes later I hear him quietly go out the back door.

The time doesn’t really help because I still have no idea where to start. I spend most of the fifteen minutes he’s gone thinking about how much I want to kiss him again.

He’s a little hesitant when he comes back, as if he’s not sure he’s allowed, so I wave him over.

“It’s really humid out.”

“Yeah, it’s supposed to rain later…” I mumble distractedly. We fall into silence again.

“So…” he says, forcing a smile. “Do you have questions? Or…”

He lets his words drift off, and I shake my head a little. Do I have questions? Yes. Do I know how to ask them without sounding like an insecure jerk? No.

“I just wasn’t expecting… _that_ , I guess,” I start. “I…I don’t know what to do.”

I look down at my hands again. _God_ , why can’t this be simple? Would it be weird to go hide in the bathroom for a bit and call Bethany for advice?

“Let’s just talk,” Anders says, the master of communication.

“You mean like we should have been doing the last few months?” I retort, both of us cringing at the same time.

“Sorry,” I sigh. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah you did,” Anders says, a little sadly. “I deserve it.”

“You don’t,” I insist, turning to face him again. “After hearing that…how were you supposed to tell me? One night over dinner? In bed? Anders, that’s traumatizing.”

Anders doesn’t say anything, just kind of shrugs, but I’m getting all worked up now. I feel like I want to fight, but I don’t want to fight _him_. I’m so frustrated with the situation. I feel so helpless, and I want to fix things between us _so much_ , but I have no idea where to even start. And I don’t want to upset him on top of everything. Not after having re-experienced that all over again.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” I finally say, standing. I can’t sit there and stare at those puppy eyes next to me. Anders has been paying too much attention to Woofy, he knows my weakness.

“I _want_ to fix it,” I power on before he can interrupt. “But I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do here. You kept insisting that you weren’t treating me like some dirty little secret. But now, after hearing this, you’re basically saying that you were? Am I misunderstanding that?”

“No,” Anders admits. “But—“

“Okay,” I cut him off. “Now I get it, great. But now I _also_ have to deal with the fact that you’re still very obviously in love with your dead boyfriend who I’m _never_ going to live up to. How am I supposed to be okay with that?”

“That’s not true!” Anders cries, coming over to stand in front of me. “Love, I never compare you to him. You’re two totally different peop--”

“I don’t believe you,” I interrupt again, walking to the other side of the room. “How can I believe you? Everything we’ve done so far has been with him in the back of your mind. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this knowing you’re thinking of _him_ every time you look at me.”

God, and there’s the jealousy I didn’t want to let out. I know I’m not being entirely fair, and I really shouldn’t be this harsh after everything he just told me, but it happened, and I can’t take it back now. Anders goes and sits on the couch again with a stunned look on his face, staring at the table.

“I’m sorry,” I sigh, joining him. “Now I just sound like a jealous asshole, and that’s not what I wanted.”

Anders doesn’t look at me, mumbling something under his breath.

“I didn’t hear you,” I tell him, gently.

“I said you never have to feel jealous,” he whispers. “I don’t…I don’t think I explained things the way I wanted.”

He swallows and wipes at his eyes, the tears appearing without me noticing. He takes a deep breath and then faces me.

“I loved Karl, with everything I had,” he starts, his voice still barely above a whisper. “But the way I felt about him is nothing like the way I feel about you.”

My heart swells, and I bite my lip to hide the smile that’s threatening to break out. _Not the time, Garrett._

“Garrett…” he starts, tentatively laying a hand on my leg. “I never… _compared_ you two. I never look at you and think ‘Karl used to do that’ or ‘Karl would like this.' I look at you and think ‘God, I love it when he smiles. I love it when he smiles at _me_. What did I do to deserve this?’ And then I realize Woofy is standing behind me and it all makes sense.”

He smiles a little as I burst out laughing. I mean, he’s not _wrong_. But joking aside, the words do help, and we’re both smiling as he continues.

“So please don’t think this is a competition, love,” he says. “I’m not looking for a replacement. I wasn’t looking for _anyone_ when I met you. You just happened to sweep me off my feet with your smile. And your food.”

I grin, blushing. My jealousy has gone down a little, but I’m still not feeling entirely comfortable. The urge to just call it a night and figure things out later is growing stronger, though, even with that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Are we okay?” Anders murmurs, breaking into my thoughts.

“I…don’t know,” I admit. It must not be what he was expecting me to say because he just sort of deflates, looking away.

“Can I ask you something?” I add quickly. He looks back, giving me a small smile that I take as a yes.

“What did you expect to happen?” I ask. “Like…how did you imagine this ending up…what did you think I’d do? I’m just curious.”

“Well…” he drawls, thinking. “I didn’t really know. Part of me wasn’t even sure you’d let me in the house, to be honest. I expected a door slammed in my face.”

“I wouldn’t!” I gasp. He laughs a little.

“It was a possibility in my head,” he smiles. I see his face flush and he looks down, playing with the hem of his shirt. “And um…part of me hoped you’d listen to my story and kind of just…forgive me. For being such a jerk. And we could go back to normal.”

I can see him swallow, even though he refuses to look back at me. He looks terrified.

“But I thought the most likely scenario would be you listening to me and then deciding you didn’t want me in your life anymore.”

I let out a quiet sigh. He sounds so resigned, and my heart breaks a little.

“I want you in my life,” I murmur. He peeks a glance at me, a slight bit of hope in his eyes.

“And I think we’re going to be okay...eventually,” I add. “I just…I think I need some time alone. To think.”

“So…” Anders begins, looking back down as he plays with his fingers. “You need time alone as in…breaking up? Or—“

“No!” I shout, eyes wide. “No, no, I just meant for tonight. Oh God, no.”

He looks up at me, laughing a little.

“Just making sure,” he smiles. “I don’t want any more miscommunication between us.”

“Which means you should probably go,” I blurt out. I can feel my face grow hot as he startles.

“Oh…okay,” he murmurs, furrowing his brow. He stands and awkwardly heads towards the door, shooting me a confused look.

“It’s late,” I explain, as if that excuses anything. “You have a game tomorrow, and I think we both need rest.”

I walk with him the last few steps to the door. Should I kiss him again? I can, right? Me needing to think shouldn’t put a ban on kissing. Even though it doesn’t really _feel_ like a kissing situation, he _is_ still my boyfriend, sooo… You know what, I’m just going to put the ball in his court and stand here hopefully instead.

Anders takes my hand, giving it a quick squeeze as he smiles at me.

“Thanks for listening, love,” he murmurs. “I hope…I don’t know. I hope things will be okay.”

Fuck it. I lean forward and give him a soft kiss, which he eagerly returns.

“I _do_ still want to talk some more,” I add. “After I’ve had some time to think. And sleep. And…not get tempted by certain body parts of yours.”

He chuckles, stealing another quick kiss before blushing shyly. I can’t help but grin back at him, stomach swirling in happiness that we ended the night on a good note.

“But yeah,” I whisper. “I think we’re going to be okay.”

* * *

I let myself sleep in a little longer than I normally would the next morning. I have nowhere to be and, now that I’ve talked to Anders, I’m not waking up in a blind panic. Even though he _is_ still the first thing on my mind.

Once I build up enough energy to roll over I see the message light blinking on my phone, and I get an immediate thrill of hope that it’s Anders. I’m not disappointed…although judging by his message, _he_ is. It’s just a picture of the empty pastry box with a row of frowny faces. I grin stupidly at my phone for a minute before responding.

 **Me:** _that didn’t take long lol_

He responds almost immediately. I wonder if he was sitting around waiting for me to answer. Part of me hopes he was. Now I just need to play it cool…pretend that I’m not as desperate for his attention as I really am.

 **Anders:** _can you blame me?_

 **Anders** : _I’ve been deprived!_

 **Me:** _oh really?_

 **Me:** _is that all you’ve been deprived of? ;)_

Fuck.

 **Me:** _shit_

 **Me:** _sorry_

 **Anders:** _for what? You’re not wrong…_

I groan, burying my face in my pillow. I know I’m not wrong, but I wasn’t supposed to actually _say_ anything about it! So much for being smooth.

 **Me:** _makes me sound kind of hypocritical_

 **Anders:** _nah, it’s cool_

 **Anders:** _I’ll behave myself :) as much as I’d rather not…_

I’m pretty sure if my dick could scream it would be calling me every name in the book right now.

 **Me:** _I’d rather you not either, tbh_

I probably shouldn’t have admitted that, but now I have an ache in my chest to go along with the throbbing in my pants. Part of me wishes I had him stay just so we could wake up together.

 **Anders:** _you said you wanted time, love. I’m not taking advantage of your morning…friendliness, lol_

 **Anders:** _but could I stop by tonight if the game doesn’t go too long?_

 **Me:** _please!!_

That didn’t sound too desperate, right?

 **Anders:** _well, since you responded so nicely I’ll make sure of it :)_

 **Anders:** _I need to get ready now_

I don’t know _how,_ but I completely forgot that this will be his first game back since his suspension. I never even asked him about it.

 **Me:** _good luck tonight_

 **Anders:** _I’m not pitching_

 **Me:** _I know, I just meant like…going back_

Maybe it’s not a big deal to him. He probably would have said something about it if it was, right? Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up. Maybe I’m turning it into a bigger deal than it is? Maybe I should just stop thinking about it…

 **Anders:** _it’ll be fine, I talked to Justice this morning_

 **Anders:** _he said the guys are cool_

I want to ask him how much the rest of the team knows. Does _anyone_ know about Karl besides Justice? Judging from the little I gathered at the party, at least some of them seem to have an idea about Anders’… _preferences_. I’ll add it to the list of things I still want to talk to him about.

 **Me:** _good :) I’ll listen for you after the game, then_

 **Anders:** _see you tonight love_

I hear Woofy pacing near the door, so I force myself to get up and let him out. After a quick stop at my own bathroom, I grab a glass of juice and head outside to enjoy the morning sun while I finally message Beth. I _know_ she has to be on pins and needles after last night. I’m actually impressed she managed to restrain herself this long.

 **Me:** _soooo…things went well last night, I think_

 **Bethany:** _is that code for sex?_

Does she really have that much (or little) faith in me? I can’t tell if that’s an insult or not.

 **Me:** _no!! we just talked. A lot._

 **Me:** _and please don’t talk about sex_

 **Me:** _you’re my little sister_

 **Bethany:** _I have sex, Garrett_

Oh my GOD, I didn’t see that.

 **Me:** _NO YOU DON’T_

 **Bethany:** _a lot of it :D_

She’s going to kill me. I know she’s doing this on purpose.

 **Me:** _ANYWAY_

 **Me:** _I’ll save the whole story for when I see you but…it’s pretty fucked up_

 **Bethany:** _give me a hint?? Does he have a legit excuse for being an ass?_

 **Me:** _yeah_

 **Me:** _to a certain extent_

 **Me:** _I understand him better now, at least?_

 **Bethany:** _so you worked things out?_

 **Me:** _kinda_

 **Me:** _it’s a work in progress_

I shut my eyes, leaning back against the railing. I’m feeling a lot better after talking to Anders this morning. It hadn’t really occurred to me how worried I was that he might wake up and change his mind or something. Like “oh, Garrett didn’t immediately forgive me? I’ll just find someone else, then.” I know how ridiculous it sounds in the light of day, but it doesn’t make it any less real.

My phone buzzes on the step next to me and snaps me awake again. Sorry, Beth.

 **Bethany:** _ughhhhh I want to know everything NOW!!_

 **Bethany:** _but I’m proud of you, Gare :)_

 **Bethany:** _you’re so grown up…*sniffs*_

**Me:** _omg shut up_

I’m like…80 years older than her. Is this Tease Garrett Day?

 **Me:** _you wanna stop by after work? We can watch the game together_

 **Bethany:** _YES_

 **Bethany:** _I’ll bring dinner_

 **Me:** _this is why you’re my favorite sister :)_

 **Me:** _see you tonight_

* * *

Beth shows up about half an hour before the game starts, which gives us enough time for some small talk as we settle ourselves in front of the TV with our food. I can tell she’s nearly bursting with questions, so I don’t make her suffer for long.

Just as I open my mouth, the camera switches over to a shot of Anders in the dugout. He’s towards the end of the bench, tossing a ball in the air absentmindedly as he talks to one of the other pitchers. He looks relaxed, at least, which makes _me_ feel more relaxed. I don’t even realize I’m smiling until I hear Beth giggle next to me.

“You are such a _dork_ ,” she grins.

“Shut up,” I scoff, blushing. I don’t know what I expected to see, but the fact that he looks okay puts me at ease. The announcers are talking about the fact that it’s his first game back, and a clip of the fight between him and Vael pops up on the screen a second later. Knowing what I do now, the reminder of what Vael said and _why_ has me clenching my fists without even realizing it. Thankfully they cut away to Anders laughing in the dugout almost immediately, and I calm down.

Beth is looking at me curiously, so I force myself to give her a reassuring smile before taking a bite of my food.

“So,” I begin. “You want to hear this story or not?”

* * *

I talk for the better part of an hour, Beth interjecting questions as we go along.  She spends most of the time looking at me with a mixture of horror and sadness, probably mirroring my own from yesterday. I’m giving her an abbreviated version, too…she would have been a total mess hearing it from Anders directly.

“God, Gare…” she murmurs, rubbing her eyes when I finally finish. She doesn’t elaborate, and I don’t respond, turning my attention back to the game as Blackwall comes up to bat. I know it’s a lot to take in at once.

“Poor Anders,” she sighs a few minutes later. “Poor _Karl_. Fuck, I just…” She trails off again, shaking her head.

“I know,” I lament. “And I felt so bad after he finished. What do you even say about something like that?”

She mutters something that sounds like an “I don’t know” before gathering up our trash and plates and taking them to the kitchen. I know her…the fact that she hasn’t already launched into another round of questions or commentary is disturbing. This really bothered her.

I let myself zone out while I wait for her to come back, trying to figure out exactly what I missed in the game. They’re already in the fifth inning but there’s no score, so I guess I haven’t missed much. I catch a quick glimpse of Anders in the dugout while the announcers are talking about someone else and my stomach flips a little in happiness.

“So…” Beth begins, reappearing in the room. “How was he? After he finished telling you everything.”

I shrug a little.

“Nervous? Hopeful. He was worried how I was going to react.”

“And you said this was the first time he told anyone? _Ever?_ ” she asks in disbelief. “I would have been a fucking mess.”

I bite my lip, guilt creeping in. I was so caught up in my own head, I didn’t really bother to check how he was doing. And then I basically shoved him out of my apartment to go spend the night alone. God, I feel like such a jerk right now. But Beth doesn’t seem to notice my internal struggle.

“So, what did you decide?” she asks, twisting her mouth a little.

“I mean…I just told him I needed some time to think about everything.” I frown. “What do you mean, ‘decide’? What was there to decide?”

“You know,” she sighs impatiently. “Are you like… _forgiving_ him? Moving on?”

I open my mouth, prepared to immediately say yes, but I stop. This is complicated.

“I want to move on…” I start. “But I think it’s going to take some time. And work.”

Beth just nods a little but doesn’t seem convinced.

“What if I say I’m okay with everything, we agree to move on, and then the next time we go out he acts the exact same way? What if nothing _changes_? Then I’m still being treated like crap, I just know _why_ I’m being treated like crap.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to go through that again.”

“I’m tempted to give him a pass, Gare,” Beth shrugs. “Look at what he’s been through. I think him telling you all this means he wants to change.”

“I don’t doubt that he _wants_ to change,” I argue. “It’s just a matter of whether or not he’s willing to do it.”

Beth hums in agreement, picking at her nails. We both stay quiet for a moment, mulling things over as the inning winds down.

“He’s coming over tonight, after the game,” I add when a commercial comes on. “I told him I wanted to talk about it more.”

“Go easy on him,” she says. “You’ve both been through a lot…I think you could use a fresh start.”

I get up and sit on the edge of her chair, pulling her into a hug at an awkward angle.

“Thanks, Bethy,” I murmur into her hair. She hugs me tightly before pulling back and stretching.

“Which means I think I’ll head out,” she yawns. “Somehow I’m more tired after this conversation than I was from work. I think I need to think about this a little more, too. And you need time to get ready.”

I walk her to the door, giving her another quick hug.

“I’ll text you or something. Do you work tomorrow?”

“Nope,” she grins, patting me on the arm. “Bodahn said you could man the store alone tomorrow morning. Have fun.”

I groan good-naturedly and wave bye. I deserve it after how often she’s covered for me lately. I shouldn’t complain, though, even if I’d much rather not have to worry about getting up at the ass-crack of dawn with Anders coming over tonight.

There isn’t really much I need to do as far as “getting ready” for Anders to get here, so I don’t know what she’s talking about. I didn’t work, so I’m already showered and in clean clothes. The apartment is as clean as it ever is…and since when does he actually care about that? I take stock of my food situation, in the event he wants me to cook something for him. I decide to whip up a small tray of brownies. He might not be hungry, but they definitely won’t go to waste.

I watch the rest of the game while the brownies bake and they’re just about cooled by the time Anders arrives. He looks refreshed…almost like his usual self. He’s at least showered and changed his clothes, and I’m going to guess he’s eaten something besides the rest of the pastries this morning.

“Hey,” he greets me with a grin as he steps through the door, giving me a quick peck on the lips. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“You got to watch a _baseball game_ for the last three hours,” I scoff. “What’s more beautiful than that?”

“You?” Anders smirks, lifting an eyebrow.

I blush a little, even though I totally expected that answer. He smiles wider until something catches his attention and he sniffs the air.

“Did you make me brownies?”

“I’m hoping you ate a real meal today,” I grin. “But yeah, there’s some brownies if you’re hungry.”

I can see the indecision on his face as he peeks towards the kitchen and I give him a confused smile. What’s he debating?

“They can wait,” he says, walking over to loop his arms over my shoulders. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” I beam, pulling him closer. “How was the game?”

He shrugs, studying my lips.

“We won,” he murmurs. “That’s really all that matters.”

I hum in agreement, feeling the anticipation coil in my stomach. The desire for each other is thick between us, and I can feel my breathing pick up as he presses a little closer. I don’t know how far I want to go, but I can see it’s pretty obvious he’s ready to jump right back where we left off.

He kisses me a little uncertainly, and I deepen it without thinking. _God_ , I missed him. He takes that as an invitation because his hands slide down my back pretty quickly, resting on my hips as he bucks a little against my own. I’m probably going to kick myself for this later, but I disentangle myself and put some space between us.

“Sorry,” I whisper, shuffling my feet as I look away. “I just kinda want to talk some more before we get to… _that._ ”

Anders sighs but nods his head. His dick is very obvious through his pants, and I feel a little guilty for stopping us when I did, but it needed to happen.

“Why don’t I get us something to drink and cut up those brownies?” I suggest, heading towards the kitchen. “You can, um…wash up. Or take care of…things. Or something.”

Did I really just suggest he go jerk off in my bathroom? What is _wrong_ with me?

I turn around and rush into the kitchen without looking at his face, but I hear the bathroom door close a couple of seconds later and I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Why am I acting so ridiculous?

I pour us some milk instead of going through the effort of making hot drinks and plate about half of the brownies. I make my way back into the living room with our snack just as Anders reappears, Woofy hot on his heels. I had closed him in my room before Anders got here, hoping to avoid any dog-induced craziness. On his part, not mine.

“I found someone during my trip,” he laughs, Woofy nudging his hand for pets.

“He missed you, too,” I comment, smiling.

Woofy is appeased fairly quickly - a few minutes of petting from Anders enough before he flops back down on his bed in my room. I don’t think we’re that interesting to him now that he got what he wanted.   

Anders takes a brownie almost as soon as we sit on the couch, smiling at me in delight.

“You spoil me,” he says after he swallows. I just shrug, blushing a little more.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

I look up in surprise. My mind is suddenly blank and I scramble, trying to think of something to say. Right. Talking. What did Beth and I talk about again?

“Um…how are you?” I ask instead. He gives me a confused smile.

“Fine…” he responds slowly. “How are you?”

“Sorry,” I laugh a little. “I meant like, how are you handling all this? I felt a little bad about kicking you out last night.”

Understanding dawns on his face and he smiles, shaking his head a bit.

“I feel better now that I’m back in the swing of things instead of hiding in my apartment,” he admits. “But I guess I was mostly worried about talking to you, so I’m glad that’s over with. Except, well…”

He laughs, gesturing between us. _Good job, Garrett_ , I groan inwardly.

“I’ll just cut to the chase then, instead of us dancing around things,” I grimace. Like a band-aid, right? His face falls at my words and he fidgets slightly on the couch, clearly nervous about what I’m going to say.

“So, I talked to Beth about…things…tonight,” I begin. I hope he’s not mad about that. “And we talked it out a little. I guess I’m just worried that you’re promising to change, but you’re not actually going to _do_ it.”

His eyes go wide and he gets ready to protest, but I hold my hands up. I need to get this all out now before I lose my nerve.

“I’m not saying we have to be obvious when we go out,” I continue. “I don’t like seeing PDA from anyone, so it’s not like I want to flaunt us or something. I’d just…”

This is harder than I expected.

“I can’t go through the party humiliation again,” I sigh. “I don’t want to…to have to _hide_ outside when you check us into a hotel. I don’t want you hanging all over other women because you think it’ll distract people from my existence. I can’t do it. I’m sorry.”

I exhale deeply, a weight gone from my chest, although a feeling of panic quickly replaces it. Anders is biting his lip and not looking at me, but he looks crushed. Neither of us says anything for a couple of minutes. Anders looks deep in thought, so I subtly reach out and take a brownie, trying to chew as quiet as I can.

Eventually, he sighs, brushing his hair away from his face before looking back up.

“I was really an asshole, huh?”

I shake my head frantically, my mouth still full of chocolate.

“Nugh,” I choke out, coughing. Anders hands me my glass while I struggle not to die.

“You don’t have to argue,” he smiles sadly as I gulp down most of my milk. “It was more of a rhetorical question, anyway.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole,” I pant, putting my glass down.

“I think I was, but thank you,” he says. “And…for what it’s worth – which is probably nothing, at this point – I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” I murmur, suddenly feeling _really_ guilty. I know I shouldn’t, but I just hate seeing him like this.

“But…” he continues, hesitating a second. “You’re not going to know without me trying, love. You’re right, I can promise everything will change. But at least give me a chance to prove it?”

He looks so hopeful that I lean over and give him a quick kiss, bringing a small smile to his face.

“I was _always_ going to give you a chance,” I murmur. “I just wanted you to know where I stand on the whole thing after I had the night to think about it some more. No miscommunication, right?”

“Right,” he agrees, pulling me into another kiss.

We sort of just look at each other for a bit as I run my fingertips up and down his arms. It must feel good, judging by the way he keeps shifting them to scratch different spots. And then something catches my eye and realization hits me.

“Your tattoo…” I begin, touching the small spot on his forearm. “It’s for Karl, isn’t it?”

He has a small, simple backward “K” inked into his arm, totally unassuming and easily overlooked. Especially with as many tattoos as some of the players have nowadays.

Anders just smiles sadly, touching it himself before nodding.

“Everyone just assumes it’s the strike symbol, so I let them think that.”

“That’s what I thought,” I nod. “Backward K. Caught looking. Something you cause pretty often.”

He chuckles, shrugging a little.

“I’d be covered in K’s if that was the case,” he jokes lightly. “But…yeah. It’s for him.”

We both look at it silently for a bit.

“Do you miss him a lot?” I ask quietly.

“It’s a lot better than it was,” he responds just as softly. “But I learned a long time ago that I needed to move on.”

He studies me for a minute, and I try my best to meet his eyes without looking miserable. It’s going to take me a while to move past this.

“I like my life now,” he says, giving me a crooked smile. “I’m on a great team. Kirkwall isn’t too bad. I was reunited with my best friend when I thought we’d never play together again…”

He leans over, giving me a barely-there kiss before taking my hand.

“And I have you,” he smiles. “Especially you.”

This time I’m the one who initiates the kiss, and I let this one linger. He immediately snatches another, and before I know it, he’s reclining on the couch and pulling me with him. We stay like that, lazily kissing in between bashful smiles. You’d think this was the first time we’d ever made out.

Things progress pretty quickly from there. Anders’ hands snake down to my ass, squeezing and kneading it while he kisses me with more force. Pretty soon we’re basically rutting against each other as we pant into each other’s mouths.

“I’d like to communicate something to you,” Anders grins, eyes half-closed as he looks at me. He roughly grabs my ass, moving our hips together in smooth thrusts as I moan into his neck. “Are you open to some late-night ‘discussion’?”

“If you keep making these lame jokes then my answer is no,” I huff, pulling away even though I’m smiling. “Let’s go ‘talk’ in the bedroom?”

Anders laughs and the noise goes right through me, filling me up with a joy that I had almost forgotten existed. He nods and accepts the hand I offer as he jumps up.

“Excellent idea.”

* * *

We fall back into a routine over the next couple of days, both of us still a little uneasy with the way things are between us. Not exactly in a _bad_ way. I think we’re both sort of looking forward to and dreading the first time we’ll be “tested,” for lack of a better word. I kind of just want to get it over with instead of hiding in my apartment.

Aside from that, things are good. I go back to working my regular shifts (and a couple extra to make things up to Beth), and Anders is back at the ballpark. He’s stressed about his next start but ends up winning easily. I think he needed the boost of confidence to convince him that he was really _back_.

The team is leaving for a road trip on Monday, so we make plans for Anders to stop by Sunday evening to say goodbye. He’ll be gone for a week, and I’m not really ready to be apart from him for that long this soon, but I don’t say anything. It’ll give me a chance to catch up with the rest of the gang, at least. The only one I’ve seen (or talked to, for that matter) has been Beth and I’m itching for a get-together. Maybe a barbecue, if the weather’s nice.

Anders shows up around 6, looking tired but happy to see me.

“I’m ready for another break,” he jokes, flopping down on my couch as soon as he walks in.

“Well, you _have_ been exerting yourself a lot lately,” I smirk. “Want something to drink?”

He nods, and Woofy makes a beeline over to him, Anders scratching him behind his ears for a few minutes as he relaxes. I return a minute later, flipping the TV over to a movie channel. I had the sports station on, but I doubt Anders feels like listening to a play-by-play recap of the game he just sat through.

“So, how are you, love?” he asks with a smile, head lolling over to look at me.

“Good,” I respond, giving him another quick kiss. “Work was busy but not too bad.”

He hums in acknowledgment and closes his eyes again, smile still on his face. I feel bad…is he really _that_ exhausted?

“You don’t have to stay here, if you’re too tired,” I offer, as much as I don’t want him to leave. “You have a long trip and stuff tomorrow.”

“I’m not that bad,” he chuckles, reaching out to take my hand. “Plus, I’d rather be here with you than alone in my apartment, even if I’m a little sleepy.”

I grin, lacing our fingers together as we settle into the cushions and turn our attention to the movie. It’s one I haven’t seen before – and didn’t really have any desire to see – but it’s a comedy, and I figure that’s probably the best thing for us right now.

I’m kind of dozing off myself when I hear a car door slam outside, a familiar giggle accompanying it. Is that…

“Hey, Gare!” Beth calls out cheerfully, coming through the front door. “We thought we’d—“

She stops short, eyes widening in alarm when she sees Anders next to me. We both stand, Anders giving her a small wave that she doesn’t return.

“Oh, _shit_ , um…” She looks over her shoulder, starting to close the door when I hear another voice behind her.

“Did you tell him we brought food?” Fenris’ deep voice drifts in. Oh, fuck.

“Fen, why don’t we—“ Beth begins, trying to step in front of him. Fenris’ smirk turns into a look of pure rage in a split second when he catches sight of Anders.

“What the _fuck_ is he doing here?” Fenris growls, shoving the food into Bethany’s arms as he stalks forward.

Anders holds up both his hands, looking at me in panic.

“Hey, I don’t want any trouble…”

“Fen, let me explain,” I start, walking towards him.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it,” he says, giving Anders two hard shoves, his head slamming back on the wall with a loud crack after the second one. Beth cries out behind us, and I start to jump in between them until I hear a low rumble behind me.

“Beth, _get Woofy_ ,” I shout at her, pointing to where the large dog is standing, growling at the pair. I hear her murmuring to him as she pulls on his collar to drag him away.

“I don’t want to fight you,” Anders yells, pulling himself up straight. He’s got to have at least six inches on Fenris, but Fen isn’t backing down.

“And I didn’t want to see your face again,” Fenris spits out. “ _No one_ treats my best friend like you did.”

“We worked it out,” Anders retorts. “Ask him for yourse—“

He doesn’t get the rest of his sentence out as Fenris lunges at him again, just out of reach of my arms, and they both go crashing into the wall again.

“What the fuck, _stop_!” I shout, finally able to pull him off. Beth has reappeared and she takes hold of Fenris for me, guiding him towards the kitchen. I see tear tracks on her face, and she mouths an “I’m sorry” at Anders before walking away.

“Shit, are you okay?” I murmur, looking Anders over. He’s wincing a little in pain but nods his head.

“I guess you didn’t tell him?”

 _Fuck_ , this is all my fault…

“Not yet,” I admit. “I hadn’t really had a chance.”

Anders sighs, looking more than a little pissed off, but I don’t think it’s at _me_. I hope not, anyway. Shit, this is bad.  

“I’ll be okay,” he says. “But I should probably go.”

“You need to get looked at,” I insist. “Please just stay for a bit, I’ll make them go home.”

Anders shakes his head, giving me a small smile.

“We’re fine, love,” he says. “I think you have other problems here you need to sort out first.”

He gives me a soft kiss, smiling again as we head to the door. Beth must have heard us because she reappears a second later, rushing behind us.

“Anders, I’m _so_ sorry,” she sniffs, looking like she’s ready to cry all over again. “It’s my fault, I didn’t tell him anything and—“

“It’s fine,” Anders reassures her. “I know things have been a little…tense.”

She looks a little relieved at his words, but not by much.

“I’m happy you guys worked everything out,” she whispers, smiling as she gives his arm a quick squeeze. She looks between us, then back at the kitchen.

“I’m going to head back in there,” she says. She gives us a small wave and disappears.

“So, um…that’s my sister, Bethany,” I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “I’ll give you a proper introduction someday. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Yes, love,” Anders murmurs, giving me another kiss. “Why don’t you text me once everything settles down?”

“I’m sorry,” I reply glumly. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

“I know you didn’t,” Anders sighs. “And I’m not saying I didn’t deserve a little dressing down from your friends, but go worry about them right now. I’m – _we’re_ – fine, like I said.”

“I’ll text you soon,” I murmur, giving him a kiss.

With a quick smile, he turns and heads to his car without looking back. I wait until he’s pulled out of sight before closing the door quietly. I can hear Beth and Fenris murmuring in the kitchen as I make my way over.

“He’s going to be back any second,” Beth whispers. “I think we should just leave.”

“No, I want to hear this story from _him_ ,” Fenris hisses. “I still can’t believe you two said nothing.”

“Cut him some slack,” Beth sighs before her voice takes on a playful tone.

“Come on, we can go back to your place and I’ll give you a massage.”

I stop short, and my head snaps to the side in confusion. _What_?

Fenris grumbles a little, but he doesn’t sound unhappy.

“A _really_ long massage,” Beth teases, and I hear Fenris chuckle a little.

I’m a little freaked out, I can’t lie. Okay, no, I am lying. I’m _really_ freaked out. What the fuck is going on?

I round the corner without warning to see Fenris leaning against the counter, smiling at Bethany as she gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. Their hands are resting suspiciously low on each other’s hips.

“ _What the fuck are you doing?_ ” I cry. I grab Beth’s arm, pulling her away as they both begin to protest.

“Don’t grab her like that, Hawke,” Fenris warns.

“Gare, just listen…” Beth pleads at the same time.

“ _You_ ,” I grit out, pointing at Beth. “Go wait with Woofy. I have to talk to my _best friend_.”

Beth shoots Fenris a worried look but he nods once, and she slinks off. I wait until I hear my bedroom door close before whirling on him, getting right up in his face.

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing with my sister?” I growl.

Fenris doesn’t say anything, just lifts one eyebrow as he crosses his arms over his chest, giving me a challenging look.

“I thought you were with Bela?” I demand. Okay, I’ve never actually confirmed that, but anyone with two eyes can clearly see that they are.

“We are.”

 _See_.

That stops me short, though. I stare at him in confusion for a moment before the realization dawns on me and I have to force myself not to grab him by the collar and toss him out of my apartment.

“So, you’re what?” I hiss. “Cheating on her with Beth? What the _fuck_ , Fen? I didn’t expect that from you.”

Fenris rolls his eyes, which only infuriates me even more. He stands up straight, poking me in the chest and forcing me to take a few steps back.

“You have _no right_ to comment on things you know nothing about,” he says, loud enough that it must draw Beth out of my room because I can hear my door click open. “And to _accuse_ me of something like that…”

“What’s going on?” Beth cries, reappearing in the room.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out!” I bark. “What the hell is going on, Beth?”

“Garrett…”

“Don’t ‘Garrett’ me,” I snap. “I come in here to see my sister and my best friend—“

“Fenris _tried_ to tell you,” she interrupts, mouth trembling a little. “You know I’m here for you, Garrett, I have _always_ been here for you, but you’ve been so wrapped up in your own little world the last few months that you forgot about the rest of us.”

I just look between the two of them with wide eyes, in complete disbelief. Do they _seriously_ think I’ve been ignoring them on purpose?

“How many times did I try to talk to you, Hawke?” Fenris adds, moving to stand closer to Bethany. “But whenever I did you were in the middle of some sort of ‘Anders crisis’ and we had to drop everything to deal with that.”

That’s fucking bullshit. They _offered_ to help me, I never forced anyone to do anything.

“It got to the point where we stopped trying,” Beth adds. “When you found out, you found out. We got tired of hiding…something I think you know a little bit about.”

 _Ouch_. Okay, that stings.

“We _are_ sorry you had to find out this way,” she continues, exchanging a quick look with Fenris. “We wanted to tell you ourselves. But Garrett...your life has been consumed with Anders. We never had a chance.”

I can't think of anything to say to that. I'm so angry right now, but it's fading as hurt replaces it. Is this really what everyone thinks of me? 

“Does Carver know about this?”

Beth stares at me incredulously.

“ _That’s_ what you’re worried about?”

I’m more worried about Fenris’ safety, to be honest. If _I_ reacted this way, then Carver’s going to explode.

“He knows,” Fenris answers for her.

“And you’re not dead?” I blurt out.

“Garrett,” Beth sighs in exasperation. “Carver and I live under the same roof. He figured things out on his own.”

I don’t want to ask how.

“And he’s not…thrilled with the situation,” she adds, biting her lip. “But he wants me to be happy.”

“Okay,” I interrupt, shaking my head. “None of this has answered my question about Isabela. Have you told _her_ yet?”

Beth and Fenris exchange another look. I’m getting really tired of that.

“Gare…” Beth begins, gently. “Bela and I…”

She stops abruptly again. Since when has she ever been this hesitant? Fenris gives her another small smile and nudges her to continue. I’m suddenly really uncomfortable. _More_ uncomfortable.

“Bela and I have…been together for a while now,” she explains, looking down as she tangles her fingers together. “Fenris has only been a recent addition.”

 _Addition_? I don’t know what to focus on first.

“So, wait…” I start, furrowing my brow. “So...Fenris, you _aren’t_ dating my sister and Bela at the same time?”

“I am,” Fenris says. “Just not the way you think.”

“Okay, so…” I turn to look at Beth instead.

“Bethy, you’re dating Fenris _and_ Bela?”

Beth nods, looking at me hopefully, gnawing on her lip again.

“So…” I’m trying here. “You’re all…together.”

They both nod their heads at the same time.

“I don’t get it.”

Beth sighs, looking upset again. Fenris just shakes his head.

“It’s not hard, Gare,” she says gently. “You can…care for more than one person at the same time.”

“Aren’t you jealous?” I ask Fenris. I was jealous just _hearing_ about Karl…I can’t imagine fighting for Anders’ attention with him still in the picture.

Fenris shakes his head.

“It’s not about that, Hawke,” he says. “It’s not for everyone.”

“I’m sorry if you don’t agree,” Beth adds quietly. “But it’s the way things are.”

“I can’t believe you hid this from me,” I mutter, leaning heavily against the nearest counter. “I don’t know how to feel right now.”

Things are thankfully quiet for a moment. This is all too much for me to handle. Especially after everything I’ve been going through with Anders.  

“We’re going to go, Gare,” Beth says after a moment. “I’m sorry you’re feeling…however you’re feeling right now, but we can talk more later, okay? I want you to understand.”

I just nod numbly, not looking at them.

I hear the door close a few seconds later, and I finally wander out of the kitchen, heading to my room where I sink down on the floor and let Woofy cover me in kisses. He eventually plops down with his head on my lap and I sigh, closing my eyes.

“ _You’re_ not hiding anything from me, are you boy?” I mumble, scratching his head.

He just looks up at me with his big, worried eyes.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know where to start with these end notes lmao. Let's see...
> 
> Don't you get excited when the title of something appears in the actual story? :D Because I know I have a lot of non-baseball people here, when a pitcher strikes a batter out it's symbolized as a "K" on the statistic sheet. If the batter strikes out without swinging the bat he's "caught looking" and the K is reversed. 
> 
> This might be the first time I've really shown Garrett in a negative light, even if it's not a lot or entirely his fault. 
> 
> Not that I'm telling anyone to go reread this whole fic, but the hints of Bela and Beth's relationship have been there since the beginning. A lot of you asked about Fenris and Bethany based on a couple snippets (and Bela and Fenris were kinda obvious), but this was planned from the start. Also, Garrett is not against polyamorous relationships...he just doesn't understand them (yet). I'm really unsure how it's going to come across, but, like Beth says, I'm sorry if you don't like it but it's happening anyway. 
> 
> Along those same lines...this is a background relationship much in the same way Carver/Merrill is. I don't mean that in a negative sense, but since this is a Garrett/Anders fic obviously it won't be a focus. However, I DO have an outline for their story and how they came together, if that's something people would be interested in lol.
> 
> I have never written so much crying as I have in these last couple chapters and In the Books. I'm ready for people to be happy again.
> 
> I will be more than happy to answer questions or shed light on anything I skipped (which is probably a lot lol). And thank you to everyone who has stuck around, commented, liked, cheered me on, read the other things I worked on instead of this...you're all wonderful and I appreciate you all <3 And to any new readers: I hope you enjoy!
> 
> If you wanna come chat outside of AO3 you can find me here:
> 
> Tumblr: [draco-illius-noctis](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/)  
> Twitter: [woofyhawke](https://twitter.com/woofyhawke)  
> Discord: draco-illius-noctis#0421


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett struggles with his feelings. Unexpected lunch and dinner guests don't help (OR DO THEY?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONLY TOOK ME A MONTH TO UPDATE THIS TIME, LOOK AT ME GO.
> 
> Not beta'd, sorry for any mistakes. Hopefully none too glaring.

The next few days are awkward, to say the least.

I’m on my own at work for most of Monday, which is good because it helps distract me from Anders being away and what I’m now calling the Bethris Drama. Anders just sort of sighed in disappointment on the other end of the phone when I called it that but I don’t care.  

Our shifts overlap on Tuesday, though, and it’s…weird. I opened that day, so I’m already there when she arrives. I completely ignore her, laughing and joking with some of our regulars until everyone’s been helped before turning and heading back to the kitchen without a word. Beth looks at me like she wants to say something, but I don’t give her a chance. I feel guilty as hell about it, but not enough to go back.

We manage to stay away from each other the rest of my shift. I’m pretty sure Sandal can tell something’s wrong, even though he doesn’t come right out and say anything. I really just want to go home.

The next day is almost an exact repeat, except at least this time I have Orana there for backup. I don’t have to leave the kitchen at all except to restock the cases a couple of times, and I don’t even look in Beth’s direction. I can feel her eyes on me every time, and my face burns with shame over how _childish_ this entire thing is, but pride is a really shitty thing.

I collapse on the couch that afternoon once I’m finally off, deciding immediately that I’m not doing anything else the rest of the day. I toss my phone on the table since I know Anders is already at the ballpark, some thousand miles away, and I won’t hear from him for another four hours or so. And there’s no one else I can imagine would want to talk to me right now. Not that I’m bitter, or anything.

I must doze off because my phone vibrating against the table jolts me awake a little while later and I open my eyes to a dark room, a snoring dog, and a rumbling in my stomach. What time is it? It definitely wasn’t dark when I fell asleep.

 **Anders:** _did you watch the game? Lol_

 _Shit_ , I slept through the game?

 **Me:** _no :( I fell asleep when I got home_

 **Me:** _did I miss something exciting?_

 **Anders:** _Samson got attacked by a bird when he was up to bat lol_

 **Anders:** _it was hilarious_

Oh, MAN. That does sound hilarious. I fumble around for the remote, turning on the sports channel. That has to make it on the highlights tonight.

 **Me:** _ughhhh, now I’m mad I missed it. idk why I was so tired_

 **Anders:** _I’m sure it’ll be on tv_

 **Anders:** _are you feeling okay?_

 **Me:** _yeah, probably just worn down from working so many hours lately_

 **Anders:** _have you talked to Bethany yet?_

I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before he asked. I’ve been avoiding the topic since he left.

 **Me:** _nope_

I don’t get a response right away, so I get up to let Woofy out and try and find something for dinner. It’s a little late for me to be eating a full meal but when has that stopped me before? I need comfort food.

There’s nothing I want, so I settle for ordering a pizza. Anders has written me back in the meantime.

 **Anders:** _you’d probably be a lot less stressed if you did, love_

 **Anders:** _not pressuring you or anything_

I know he means well, but I still have a little bitter knife that twists in my stomach seeing the words. Out of anyone, _he_ has no right to lecture me about talking to people. But I know his heart is in the right place, and this is a good sign that he’s trying, at least. Right?

 **Me:** _probably. I’m just not sure I’m ready yet_

 **Anders:** _I understand_

At least he doesn’t push the subject. We chat for a little bit longer until my pizza arrives and he says he should go to bed. I do end up seeing the highlights of the bird attack on TV and nearly choke on my slice.

I pick up my phone to text Beth and see if she was watching, going so far as to type it all out until I remember we’re not speaking. It could be a good icebreaker, though, right? _Look at this asshole, wasn’t that hilarious?? Hey, maybe we should make up._

I delete it instead, suddenly not hungry anymore, and I toss the rest of my food into the fridge and decide to head to bed myself. My chest aches and I hate not having Anders there to curl up against and hold me.

This whole thing is really bothering me, but I don’t know where to even start figuring it out. The fact that they didn’t tell me about it - felt like they _couldn’t_ tell me about it - is killing me. Because of what? Anders? I would have dropped everything if one of them needed me.

I think that's what bothers me the most; Beth and Fenris are my two best friends, and they felt like they couldn’t talk to me. Bela and I don’t talk a ton one-on-one, so it would probably have been a little weird hearing it from her instead of them. I don’t begrudge her anything.

But Bethany? She’s my _sister_. I’m closer to her than anyone...we talk about _everything_.

And Fenris. I helped Fenris through the most difficult relationship of his life. I was ready to beat the crap out of the abusive piece of shit that almost ruined him, spent every spare moment I had to be there for him…and he couldn’t tell me that he had finally found someone – some _people_ – that he felt comfortable enough around to try again.

I feel my throat closing up and the tears pricking the corners of my eyes. Fuck, I swore I was going to stop crying over anything except extremely adorable Woofy pictures. But this _hurts_. And I don’t even know how long it’s been going on. What did I do that caused them to distrust me so much? I can’t bring myself to ask.

Woody must sense my change in mood cause I feel the bed shift a couple of seconds later and I hear his loud huff next to me as he settles down. I’ll end up regretting letting him sleep here in the morning (he is the BIGGEST bed hog I’ve ever met) but right now I let myself slide a little closer so I can rest my hand on his side.

There’s something comforting about his rhythmic breathing, and I fall asleep with tears still drying on my face.

* * *

Beth calls out sick the next few days of work. She was supposed to open with me on Wednesday – which I wasn’t looking forward to – but I see Orana there instead when I arrive.

“What are you doing here?” I blurt out as soon as I see her.

She gives me a funny look. “Beth called in sick,” she replies. “I figured you knew.”

“Ah…yeah,” I awkwardly respond, trying to smile. “She um, said something about it. I wasn’t really listening.”

Orana just nods her head, still looking at me strangely as I head back to the kitchen and greet Sandal. At least that’s one less thing to worry about today.

When Beth calls out the next day, though, I start getting worried. She didn’t look sick the last time she was in here, so part of me thinks she just doesn’t want to be around me. But it’s also not like her to miss work.

I should text her. I know I should.

We have a busy morning, and before I know it, it’s lunch time.  Not that that really means anything to me, since I usually just grab something small and eat in the kitchen. But it'll give me a bit to hopefully catch my breath.

I’m in the middle of telling Sandal a hilarious story about Woofy chasing a duck into the lake when Orana pokes her head into the kitchen, calling for me. I was just getting to the good part, too.

“There’s some woman here to see you,” she whispers. “She tried to come back here hersel—“

“Hawkey, I know you know who it is, don’t hide from me!” Bela’s voice calls out to me from the front room. Great.

I sigh, wiping my hands off on my apron. Might as well get this over with.

“Hey, Bela,” I force myself to smile as I greet her. I walk around the counter, and she immediately flings herself in my arms.

“Long time, no see,” she grins. “Come on, we’re going out to lunch.”

“Bela, I’m in the middle of work, I can’t—“

“Just go, Garrett,” Orana interrupts, waving me away. “You never take a break. We’ll be fine.”

I grimace and try to think of a way out of this, but Bela is already tugging at my arm and I know neither of them is going to let me go back to work. I let out another small sigh and untie my apron, tossing it behind the counter before following Bela out.

We end up eating at the small deli that Fenris and I usually go to since it’s right down the street. I’m suddenly starving, and I order enough food for about three people. If I’m going to get grilled, I might as well do it on a full stomach.

“So,” I begin once we’re settled. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Can’t I have lunch with my friend?” Bela grins, chewing on a fry.

“We’ve never had lunch together before,” I remind her. “So out with it.”

“I heard you and Anders patched things up.”

I give her a look, and she just smiles brightly back at me.

“Yup,” I reply. “We’re working on it.”

“And that he met Fen and Beth.”

“Yup.”

She stares, waiting for me to elaborate but I just take another bite out of my sandwich and stare back, chewing slowly. We stay like that for a minute until she leans over, giving me a sly grin.

“Are you mad that I’m fucking your sister?”

I start choking, coughing on my food loud enough that the rest of the people in the store turn and stare. Bela gets up and starts patting me on the back, handing me my drink when I’m able to breathe again.

“What the _fuck_?” I shout, wiping my eyes. I’ve got to be about ten shades of red right now. “God, Bela, we’re in _public_.”

She sits back down and crosses her arms, supremely proud of herself.

“I needed to get you talking somehow,” she grins. “I’m not mad at you, by the way. I’d probably flip out too if I were in your situation.”

“It’s not about… _that_ ,” I insist, shaking my head. “Beth can do what she wants.”

“ _Who_ she wants,” Bela adds with a wink. I just roll my eyes.

“Whatever. She can do whatever she feels like. I was upset no one bothered to tell me.”

Bela shrugs. “Why did she have to?”

I just blink at her for a few moments. Is that a serious question?

“Um, well, because _she’s my sister_ and she happens to be not only dating two people at once, one of them is my best friend.” I’m getting all worked up now. “Don’t you think I should be included in the loop?”

“I don’t see what one has to do with the other.”

God. It’s going to be one of these conversations.

“This isn’t really the place for this, don’t you think?” I say, lowering my voice.

She leans forward conspiratorially.

“I knew you would avoid me if I didn’t surprise you,” she whispers back. “We can talk about this like adults. I promise I won’t blurt out any racy details.”

“Can we at least go sit outside or something?” I sigh. I just feel like there are way too many people around and I know I can’t control my voice sometimes.

We pack up the rest of our food and head to one of the outside tables on the side of the building. It’s hot, but we manage to find one with a little shade and away from other people.

“I don’t have much time left before I have to be back,” I start. I feel like I’m being rude, but I have next to no patience right now. “So let’s not play around.”

Bela grins. “I’ll play with—“

“ _Bela_.”

“You’re no fun anymore, Hawkey,” she pouts. “But I’ll keep it short and sweet: you need to talk to them.”

She could have just told me that in the bakery. Hell, she could have just texted me.

“Yeah, well…I’m not ready to forgive them yet,” I mumble.

“Forgive them for _what?_ ” she says, rolling her eyes. “They didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Garrett, listen.” She’s serious if she’s using my first name.

“I’m not going to do their explaining for them,” she says, looking me in the eye. “But I can tell you my side. Will you listen to that?”

I nod mutely, picking at my food.

“I _don’t blame you_ for being so wrapped up in your relationship,” she begins in earnest. “Someone like that? I would be too. And he’s _good_ for you, Hawke. I haven’t seen you this happy in years.”

I blush a little, giving her a small smile.

“But…you’ve been in your own little world,” she continues. “And you haven’t exactly let anyone else in.”

“That’s not true!” I cry. Why does everyone keep _saying_ that? “I’ve hung out with you guys a ton of times – Beth especially! Why does everyone make it sound like I dropped off the face of the earth?”

“I know,” she says, shaking her head. “But I think it’s more like…even when you’re there, you’re not really _there_ , you know, sweets?”

I shake my head. I have no idea what she’s talking about. She just sighs a little.

“When we get together it’s still _about_ Anders somehow,” she says. “We’re all hanging out at a baseball game…to see Anders. We all come over your house…and hear about Anders. You see what I’m saying?”

“I thought we were doing that stuff cause we’re friends,” I mumble. “You want me to tell bakery stories instead?”

“We are your friends,” she smiles, reaching out to squeeze my hand briefly. “I’m just saying that’s what it ended up turning into. And I think with your mind…otherwise occupied, they didn’t feel like they could talk to you about it.”

“So why didn’t you just tell me?”

She shrugs. “I promised them I wouldn't.” She grins at me. “You know me, I wouldn’t have held back otherwise.”

It’s the truth, and I try and give her a smile back, but I’m not done being upset. I still think everything sounds ridiculous and makes _no sense_ , but I appreciate the fact that she wanted to make sure things were okay between us. Although I also realize this is basically her putting the ball in my court.

“Thanks for talking to me,” I say eventually, balling up my trash. “Want to walk me back to the shop?”

“Sure thing,” she grins.

We walk back together, chatting about nothing in particular. I’m still not really ready to ask her any kind of details about their relationship, so I try to keep the topics away from that. And from Anders.

She gives me another big hug once we get back to the bakery, planting a quick kiss on my cheek for good measure before holding both my hands in hers.

“ _Talk_ to them, okay?” she says. “I don’t like hanging around with two grumps all the time.”

“You could hang out with Carver,” I shrug. “He's the happiest person I know.”

She throws her head back and laughs, loud enough that other people on the sidewalk turn to look at her.

“Oh, I missed talking to you, Hawkey,” she grins. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

With a little wave, she saunters off, and I head back inside.

* * *

Beth comes back on Friday, from what I hear, but I have off, so we don’t see each other. She was scheduled to have off on Saturday, and I almost expected her to pick up Orana’s shift to make up for the days she missed, but she doesn’t.

Part of me is glad. I’m still not entirely sure what I want to say to her – or if I’m even _ready_ to talk to her – so I need a little more time. Plus, Anders comes back home on Sunday, and I’d rather talk to him about it in person instead of over the phone. Maybe he can coach me on what to say.

Sunday morning Orana and I open, but I know Beth is due in during the last two hours of my shift. It’s Sunday, so we’re really busy, and I don’t get a chance to leave the kitchen at all except to refill the cases and grab some heavier ingredients for Sandal from the stockroom.

I see when Beth comes in, though, since she leaves her purse in the back room before grabbing her apron and heading out front. I’m legitimately busy and don’t have a chance to do more than glance in her direction. We make eye contact briefly, and she gives me a tentative smile before rushing to the front. I feel like shit.

We make it through the rest of my shift with that being our only contact. I have to go up front a few times to refill the cases, but she’s so busy she probably barely notices.

Anders texts me about an hour before I’m due to leave.

 **Anders:** _want to get together for dinner tonight?_

I didn’t think he was going to be back in time for us to see each other, so I’m definitely not saying no to that offer.

 **Me:** _sure! what time are you getting in?_

 **Anders:** _around 7. How about I pick you up and we can go to my place?_

Wait. _Wait_.  _Holy shit_. I stare at my screen for a few minutes before I reply. I don’t even know where his apartment is, let alone ever _seen_ it before, despite us being together for…how many months now? My stomach flutters and I can’t help grinning as I type back a reply.

 **Me:** _I finally get to see your super-secret hideout??_

 **Anders:** _if you’d like_

 **Anders:** _we can go back to yours after. I know you need to let Woofy out_

I swallow the lump that’s suddenly formed in my throat. He thought of _Woofy_ before himself. This is true love.

 **Me:** _I’m making heart eyes in your direction right now_

 **Anders:** _lol?_

 **Me:** _I’ll be ready :) I’m excited_

 **Anders:** _I live in a sewer, don’t get your hopes up_

I frown at my phone. What’s he talking about?

 **Me:** _huh?_

 **Anders:** _it’s a joke, love_

 **Anders:** _I’ll pick you up around 7:30_

I’m practically bouncing with excitement now. I shoot Sandal a grin, and he blinks back at me for a moment before smiling back.

I can’t believe I’m going to be in Anders’ _house_. The place where he spends all of his time without me! Wait, no, that sounds weird. I’ve daydreamed about what it must look like, but now I’ll get to see it for myself.

I’m so excited I almost rush to the front and tell Beth, stopping short once I reach the door. I’m far enough out that I see her slightly look my way, but I turn at the last minute and head to the stockroom. Where I have to hide for a few minutes to pretend I meant to come here all along. Smooth.

 _Whatever_ , I sigh to myself, heading back to the kitchen a few minutes later. I’ll talk to Anders tonight, and he’ll help me figure things out. I can’t stand this awkwardness much longer.

* * *

Anders picks me up promptly at 7:30, just like he promised. He’s still in his nice pants and button-up shirt from the plane ride home, and he looks amazing.

“Hey.” He smiles as I slide into the passenger seat.

“Hey yourself,” I murmur, leaning over to pull him into a kiss. It goes on a little longer than I intended but he just looks so _good_ I can’t help myself. He doesn’t seem to have a problem with it, tangling his fingers into my hair with his free hand and tugging slightly.

We both pull back after a moment, breathing heavily.

“Maybe we should wait until after we get back to my place,” he chuckles, readjusting himself in his seat.

“I guess,” I sigh dramatically. “How was your flight?”

“Good,” he answers, pulling into traffic. “Happy to be home.”

We make small talk on the way, even though I’m watching intently to see where he’s taking me. He’s heading for one of the nicer parts of the city; one that I rarely have any reason to go to. We finally slow down in front of a high-rise, pulling into a small, gated lot around the back.

“Here we are,” he smiles.

It doesn’t look like anything special from the outside. Well-maintained, yeah. But pretty generic. Once we get inside the lobby, though, it’s a different story.

“Your building looks like a freaking _hotel_ ,” I hiss as we walk to the elevator. “I thought you lived in a sewer.”

He bursts out laughing, entwining our fingers together as we wait in front of the door.

“A sewer hotel then, I guess,” he smirks. I just huff back at him.

He leads me to the end of the hall once we go up a few floors, stopping in front of what must be his door.

“After you,” he gestures, letting the door swing open.

I knew the place was going to be fancy, but I didn’t expect it to be _this_ fancy. It looks like it should be in a magazine – all sleek lines and modern furniture. It also doesn’t remotely look lived in…I’m afraid to touch anything.

“What do you think?” he asks, tossing his keys on the counter.

“It’s…nice,” I reply, looking around. Has anyone even _sat_ on that couch?

“You don’t like it,” he chuckles into my shoulder, arms encircling me from behind. I lean back into him slightly, tilting my head so he can press a kiss to my neck.

“No, it’s nice,” I repeat. “Just not as…lived in as I’m used to.”

“Probably because I barely spend any time here,” he replies, giving me another quick kiss. “My bedroom is much more inviting.”

I turn to face him with a grin, but he pulls back a bit, biting his lip.

“Um, one more thing, love,” he begins, not making eye contact. This can’t be good.

“We…aren’t going to be alone for dinner.”

 _What?_ I rack my brain, trying to remember whether or not he has Beth’s number. He wouldn’t do that to me…would he?

“What do you mean?” I ask, giving him a suspicious glance.

He blinks at me innocently, plastering a smile on his face.

“So, in my defense, I didn’t plan this,” he says. “And I didn’t know about it when I first asked you to dinner.”

“Uh huh.”

“And by the time we landed, I was too rushed getting here to call you and tell you…”

I look away impatiently.

“And…what?” I interrupt. “You ran into Bethany at the airport or something and invited her over?”

“Huh?” He frowns, confused. “Bethany? Why would I… No, I’m talking about Justice.”

Oh, God. Oh, _God_. This is a hundred times worse.

I don’t even say anything but I can feel the color drain from my face, and I must look horrified enough that words aren’t necessary because Anders has his hands cupping my face a second later.

“It’ll be fine,” he soothes. “Don’t worry.”

“It’s _Justice_ ,” I croak. “You do realize this is basically the equivalent of me meeting your father, right?”

Anders starts to reply but snaps his mouth shut, looking thoughtful.

“Well…yeah, I guess it kind of is,” he says before shaking his head and giving me a smile. “But you’ve already met him, love. You got the hard part out of the way.”

“I don’t care,” I groan. “This is like an _official_ meeting. The ‘you better take good care of my son because I have a shotgun in the closet’ meeting. I’m not ready!”

“Garrett,” he starts, stepping back. He coughs a little to hide his laugh.

“Honestly, love…you’re never going to be ready,” he says, fighting back a grin. “I _know_ you. I’ll plan it, and you’ll lock yourself in the bathroom until I give up.”

God, why do I tell him my hiding spots?

“This isn’t _fair_ ,” I whine. “Why would you do this to me?”

“You’re going to be fine,” he repeats, giving me a quick peck. “He’s very invested in our relationship.”

“What does that even _mean_?”

“He likes you,” he assures me. “He just wants to see how we’re doing.”

“Can’t you just _tell_ him?”

Anders just gives me another kiss and heads into the kitchen to look for some take-out menus. At least we’re eating here instead of going out somewhere…that’s slightly less terrifying. Only slightly.

“I would have worn something nicer if I knew it wasn’t going to be just the two of us,” I complain, following him into the other room.

“He won’t care,” Anders replies off-handedly, flipping through the menus. “You look fine.”

I open my mouth to grumble some more, but I stop to take a better look around the kitchen. For an apartment, it’s _huge_. At least three times the size of my (admittedly tiny) kitchen. Stainless steel appliances, real oak cabinets with brushed metal fixtures, granite countertops…everything on my wishlist. And he doesn’t even _use_ the thing.

I’m standing there glaring in jealousy when Anders clears his throat beside me.

“Love?” he asks. “You okay?”

“Why do you have a double oven!” I shout out of nowhere, waving my arms wildly at the offending appliance. “Do you even _know_ how to cook?”

He’s taken aback for a minute, staring at me with raised eyebrows until a smirk forms on his lips.

“You’re welcome to use it whenever you want,” he offers, coming over to loop his arms around my shoulders. “Or let me buy you one for your place?”

“No,” I sigh. “Sorry. I just…I wasn’t expecting this. It’s overwhelming.”

“And I haven’t even shown you the rest of the place.”

He leads me on a tour of the rest of his apartment, each room done in that same clean, sleek style. It’s not the kind of place I expected him to live in, but it’s not like I have anything to base that image on. His bedroom is really the only room that has any personality to it, baseball memorabilia and some pictures scattered around with a huge bed taking up the majority of the space. I resist the temptation to fling myself onto it.

“More to your liking?” he murmurs, coming up behind me after I’ve looked around. He rests his chin on my shoulder, and I can feel him smiling.

“Can we cancel Justice and just hang out in here the rest of the evening instead?” I pout, turning to him.

“Sure,” Anders shrugs, digging out his phone. He holds it out to me. “ _You_ can call him and tell him that.”

I take a step back, holding my hands up like the phone might bite me.

“Uh…”

“We have plenty of time to spend in here later, love,” he smirks, pulling me back against him. “How about we worry about food first?”

I grumble but nod my head, allowing myself to be kissed and dragged back into the kitchen. At this point, I don’t even really care what we end up eating.

“Preferences?” Anders asks, fanning out some menus.

“What can we eat the fastest?” I ask. “I want that.”

He bursts into laughter, shaking his head.

“One drawn-out four-course meal, coming up.”

We finally settle on a noodle place, somewhere Anders and I have eaten at before and he knows Justice will like. I can’t even imagine Justice eating. I thought he just absorbed the souls of his enemies or something for food.

Dinner arrives before Justice does, and I mistakenly get my hopes up that he might be a no-show. I’m busy setting the table when I hear a knock at the door and I nearly fling an empty bowl across the room. Do I still have time to hide? He hasn’t seen me yet; maybe we can pretend I was never here…

“Hello again, Mr. Hawke.”

I jump, turning around with wide eyes. Justice is leaning casually against the wall, appraising me with one eyebrow raised. Anders is standing off to his side, biting his lip to fight back a laugh. He _so_ owes me for this.

“Hi, um…again,” I stammer, putting the bowl down before I end up smashing it in my hands. “Good to see you?” _Shit, that shouldn’t have sounded like a question_.

“I was happy to hear that you and Anders spoke after our last meeting,” he says, entering the room. I think I can see a faint smile on his face, but I’m not sure.

“Yeah…”

“When Justice heard we were getting together tonight, he asked if he could join us,” Anders interjects, thumping him on the back. Justice jolts forward a little from the force of it, and Anders shoots me a look. I guess he’s not as enthused about the company as I thought.

Anders waves the two of us to sit down as he finishes setting out the food, Justice choosing to sit directly across from me. The table suddenly looks _really_ interesting…

“Do you prefer Hawke or Garrett?”

I look up to see Justice leaning back in his chair, arms crossed and eyes slightly squinted, studying me.

“Um…either one is fine,” I manage to get out. “They’re both my names.”

Anders comes back into the room at the same moment, grinning at my response.

“You have a strong name,” Justice continues, oblivious to my discomfort.

“His name? Have you _seen_ his arms?” Anders quips. I start blushing immediately with a mental sigh. That didn't take long. I hurry and grab the nearest bowl and start scooping food onto my plate.

“I also have strong arms. I do not see you complimenting me,” Justice counters. Anders laughs, and they both look at me expectantly. Oh God, this is only getting worse.

Anders finally takes a seat at the head of the table, to my right. We’re sitting close enough that he can give my foot a nudge with his, a reassuring smile on his face.

“So,” Anders begins, taking some food for himself. “What kind of embarrassing stories can I tell about Justice tonight…”

Justice pauses with his fork halfway to his mouth, tilting his head to look at Anders.

“Ooh!” Anders lights up, grinning. “Remember that time in that swamp--“

“Anders,” Justice interrupts. “I do not think you want to do this. I have much more dirt on you than you have on me.”

“Yeah, but—“

“I want to hear embarrassing Anders stories,” I pipe up, shyly.

Anders gasps in mock insult and Justice chuckles.

“Where would you like me to begin?” he asks after a bite. “There are so many to choose from.”

“That’s not fair!” Anders protests. “I can’t help it if I lead an extremely interesting and exciting life that happens to include a lot of awkward moments.”

“That is one way to put it,” Justice says under his breath.

I stifle a laugh, and Anders only gives a brief huff of offense. He’s grinning at me in delight, probably happy that I haven't passed out in terror yet. I give him a small smile in return. One that I hope says, _things are going fine, PLEASE let it stay that way._

Justice isn’t paying us any attention – probably on purpose – as he picks at his food, and it’s only after another couple of seconds that he launches into his story.

“There is a story about a time we arrived at a hotel in Starkhaven,” he begins, “and Anders was determined to show off for a crowd of fans waiting near the doors.”

“Oh God,” Anders groans, lowering his head. “Not this one.”

“I remember him turning to me and whispering, ‘watch this,’” Justice continues. “He unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt and made a very dramatic display of running his hands down his chest.”

“In my defense,” Anders cuts in, “I looked really hot in that shirt.”

“As the women very loudly informed you,” Justice confirms.

“A couple of guys, too,” Anders stage-whispers to me with a wink.

“I believe you were going through a bit of a dry spell at that point,” Justice adds casually, and I nearly choke on my food.

“Hey!”

Justice turns to me. “I did not want to have to pull him off of a statue if he decided to get a little too… _friendly_. I believe he was very frustrated.”

“A man has needs,” Anders grumbles.

“Which apparently included partially stripping in public,” Justice sighs, shaking his head. “Anyway, Anders was attempting to unbutton his shirt further and did not realize where he was walking.”

“I fell into a fountain, okay?” Anders finishes for him with a roll of his eyes.

“And injured his wrist badly enough that he had to miss his next start,” Justice adds with a smirk.

“The plus side,” Anders continues, looking at me, “was that I _had_ to take my shirt off. I was soaked. So they got their show anyway.”

He grins triumphantly at Justice, who only shakes his head.

“And I believe you refused to walk within 20 feet of that fountain the rest of our stay.”

“I was afraid someone might push me in,” Anders replies defensively. “Since you guys seemed to _love_ teasing me about it.”

“That’s not too bad,” I chuckle. "But I can't promise I won't tease you, too."

I’m very pointedly _not_ looking at either of them right now, even though I have a huge grin on my face. I know I’m bright red and I really don’t need to imagine Anders rolling his hips the way he does in bed. _Not_ a good time.

“Don’t worry,” Anders grins in return. “You know _you’re_ the only person that’s getting me naked nowadays. I can demonstrate…”

“I am still here.”

“Oh, sorry,” Anders adds, looking at Justice innocently. “Were we embarrassing you? I can keep going.”

“Maybe later,” I blurt out. “I want to hear another story.”

Both men chuckle, and Justice launches into another, much less risqué story. I’m finally able to relax a bit, the two of them trading stories and jokes with an occasional remark or look my way to make sure I’m included. I’d rather be on the outside of the conversation, anyway. Less chance of me saying something ridiculous.

We finish eating, and Justice offers to bring our plates to the sink. Anders protests but he insists, leaving the two of us alone for a few minutes.

“You’re doing great, love,” Anders whispers with a smile, leaning over to give me a quick kiss.

“This is going a lot smoother than I expected,” I admit, playing with my spoon. “But I’m still a little nervous.”

“He likes you,” Anders chuckles. “Trust me…you’d know if he didn’t.”

“That does not remotely make me feel better.”

Justice takes that moment to return, causing Anders to hop up.

“Anyone want ice cream?” he asks. “I have some in the freezer.”

“Yes, please,” Justice responds, and I just shrug. I don’t, really, and I kind of just want it to be the two of us again, but I don’t want to be rude.

I can feel Justice’s eyes on me as soon as Anders leaves, and I force myself to meet his gaze briefly and give him the best smile I can manage. Which, honestly, isn’t much of one. Now that we’re alone, I’m back to being terrified.

“How is Anders behaving?”

“Um…” I hedge. What am I supposed to say to that?

“Good, I guess?” I manage, furrowing my brows. “Our talk was…good.”

Justice nods as if that was any kind of decent answer.

“He looks much better this evening,” he points out. “Every time he looks at you his face lights up.”

Does it? I made such an effort to not look at anyone that I hadn’t even noticed. I can feel my face heat up again anyway.

“Well, I’m…” I shrug. “I’m happy he’s happy.”

“And you know about Karl.”

He doesn’t phrase it as a question, just stares at me intently as I glance up at him with wide eyes before looking away. Now I _really_ don’t know what to say. Can I leave?

“Um, yeah,” I gulp, my voice barely a whisper. “I know everything now.”

He doesn’t say anything, so I venture a peek again, his expression unchanging.

“I’m sorry,” I offer. “I know you were good friends.”

“Thank you,” he responds, giving me a polite nod. “It was a difficult time for us both. But—“

He pauses as Anders walks back into the room, holding some bowls in one hand and a stack of ice cream containers in the other. He stops short, looking between the two of us.

“What are you guys talking about?” he asks suspiciously. I refuse to look at him, not wanting to bring the topic up, but apparently Justice doesn’t have the same reservations.

“Karl.”

Anders scowls, setting the containers down heavily on the table.

“We _talked_ about this,” he hisses at Justice.

“And now I am talking to Garrett about it."

“He doesn’t need to—“

“Hey, I’m going to eat all the chocolate if no one else wants it,” I shout, grabbing a container and spooning some into my mouth. They both stop and look at me.

“Use a bowl, love,” Anders smiles, nudging one towards me.

“Nope,” I shake my head, hugging it tighter. My arm is freezing. “All mine now.”

“If we are laying claim…” Justice says, reaching for the container of vanilla and eating a scoop of his own.

“You two are the worst,” Anders laughs, shaking his head. He takes the container of cookie dough and pulls it towards himself.

“Fewer dishes to wash later,” he shrugs in between bites.

Justice snorts and Anders shoots me a wink, smiling around his spoon. My stomach flutters and I give Justice a quick, grateful look. Maybe this night wasn’t so bad.

* * *

Justice leaves after dessert. He and I shake hands before he goes and he gives me a long, meaningful look before turning to the door. I don’t know what that meaning was supposed to _be_ , but it seemed important, so I just nodded gravely back.

Anders holds up a finger to gesture he’ll be right back before stepping out into the hall with Justice. I can hear them murmuring from where I’m lingering in the foyer, but I can’t make out what they’re saying.

Anders comes back after a couple of minutes and gives me a smile. He looks tired, and I can’t really blame him. He spent half the day traveling and then came home to an impromptu dinner party. I’d be exhausted, too.

“Ready to head back to your place?” he asks.

“You don’t have to come if you’re tired,” I reply, following him to the kitchen. He puts away our unused bowls as I rinse off the spoons.

“I’m not that tired, love,” he says. “I think I’m just happy I can finally relax.”

I murmur sympathetically, walking over to rub his shoulders for a minute. He groans in contentment, letting his head droop forward a little. I brush his hair out of the way after a bit and press a kiss to his neck.

“Come on,” I murmur. “Let’s go relax.”

* * *

I can’t help but feel a little embarrassed once we get back to my apartment.

I mean, I keep my place pretty nice – or I try to, at least – but now that I know what Anders leaves every time he comes here… Well, it’s hard not to be a tiny bit ashamed.

Woofy hops around us as soon we step inside, Anders politely stopping to scratch him for a few seconds until I call for Woofy to follow me outside. I give him a few pets of my own before letting him loose in the backyard.

I didn’t think my mood was obvious, but Anders must pick up on it anyway when I come back.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, frowning.  

“Nothing!” I reply a little too loudly, forcing a smile on my face. “Just…worn out. From Justice. And stuff.”

He gives me a sideways look as I brush past him to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen, effectively blocking me when I try to leave.

“Okay…so what’s the other ‘stuff’ that’s bothering you?”

I roll my eyes but he just cages me against the counter, giving me a smirk that shouldn’t be turning me on as much as it is.

“I just…” I start, looking at the crappy linoleum that covers the kitchen. I think of the threadbare couch that sits in the other room and the bed that I’ve had since I was probably 15.

“You have such a nice life,” I sigh. “And then you have to come here to…” I wave my hand, “ _this_. And it’s such a step down for you. I don’t know…”

I duck my head, avoiding his eyes even though I can feel him staring at me. He’s probably trying to think of something nice to say that won’t hurt my feelings too bad. It’s not like he can lie…it’s very obvious my standard of living isn’t anywhere near his.

“Garrett,” he says softly, tipping my chin up. “You are so ridiculous, you know that?”

I nod my head glumly.

“You do?” he laughs before giving me a quick kiss. “Then why are you saying this?”

“Because it’s true?”

“Love,” he sighs. “Garrett…”

I don't say anything, watching the emotions play across his face.

“What does your apartment have that mine doesn’t?” he murmurs.

“Crappy furniture?”

He rolls his eyes. “What else?”

“Woofy?”

“You’re getting closer,” he smiles.

“Just tell me,” I huff. “You know I’ll list every single thing here until you say yes.”

He chuckles, pulling me into another kiss.

“ _You’re_ here,” he whispers against my lips.

“I can be in your apartment, too,” I frown. “Now that I know where it is.”

“Not just _you_ you,” he rephrases. He gives me a small smile. “Everything here reminds me of you. The whole place just…feels like…”

He pauses, blushing a little.

“Like what?” I prod.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Like… _home_.”

Oh look, my heart is exploding in my chest again. I can feel myself blushing as I look away, unable to stop the massive grin that spreads across my face. He’s grinning as well, moving his head around to try and meet my eyes. He eventually just cups one hand to my face, turning me back to him.

“I’m really better than that super fancy kitchen?” I ask, a little shyly.

“Yes, love,” he bursts out laughing. “I don’t give a shit about that kitchen.”

“Oh my _God."_

“And I told you you could have one if you wanted,” he teases, punctuating it with another kiss.

“Nah, my kitchen couldn’t handle it,” I reply, shaking my head. As if he was actually serious.

“What _do_ you want, then?” he murmurs, pressing himself against me.

“Hmmm, I can think of a few things.” I grin back at him, wrapping my arms around him.

He leans in to give me a barely-there kiss. “Such as?”

“I have a _lot_ of laundry piled up that you could help me with.”

He pulls back, brow furrowed. I bite my lip to keep from laughing, but he catches on a second later.

“So…if you don’t have any clean laundry, does that mean you’ll have to walk around naked?” he asks instead, running his hands under my shirt.

“Basically,” I nod. “It’s a problem.”

“That sounds like the _opposite_ of a problem to me,” he says, tugging my shirt over my head. He takes a moment to admire my chest, running his fingers through the hair there before pressing a kiss to my neck.

“Should we move to the other room?” he breathes, kissing his way up to my jaw.

“Let me bring Woofy in first,” I groan, reluctantly pushing him away.

“I’ll go grab my bag out of the car,” Anders responds with one last peck on the lips.

I stop short, staring at him with wide eyes.

“You’re staying the night?”

He stops as well, staring back, suddenly unsure of himself.

“I…was?” he starts. “Is that not okay?”

I just assumed he would want to go home. Back to that really nice, really soft looking bed. My mind still hasn’t grasped that he’d rather be with _me_ than in that lap of luxury. I start nodding my head furiously, breaking into a grin.

“It’s _perfect_ ,” I reply. His shoulders sag with relief, and he gives me his own small smile before turning to the front door.

I let Woofy inside and get him settled in the living room. Sorry, boy. You can come in the bedroom later. Much later.

Anders is in my room, smiling at his phone when I walk in.

“What’s so funny?” I ask, wrapping my arms around him from behind. He holds up his phone so I can see the screen.

 **JUSTICE!:** _Thank you for allowing me to come for dinner. It was good to see you smile so freely again._

 **Anders:** _thanks :)_

 **Anders:** _for everything_

 **JUSTICE!:** _You are very welcome._

 **JUSTICE!:** _You are my best friend, I only want to see you happy._

 **JUSTICE!:** _AND GARRETT IS GOOD FOR YOU_

 **JUSTICE!:** _Apologies, I did not mean to use caps._

“Is it bad that I read that entire thing in his voice – shouting and all?” I remark.

“This is lightyears better than what he used to write,” Anders chuckles. “What should I reply back?”

“Tell him I’m going to be even better for you once I get you into bed,” I murmur in his ear, punctuating it with a quick nip.

“Got it,” he nods, starting to type.

“Wait, no!” I shout, trying to grab his phone. He twists out of reach, laughing as he taps away.

“Oh _God_ , Anders, don’t really tell him that!” I plead. All my hard work, gone in five seconds.

He finally turns around, tossing me his phone.

“I’m not _that_ cruel, love,” he grins. I brave a look at the screen.

 **Anders:** _he IS amazing_

 **Anders:** _now I need to go_

 **Anders:** _my dick needs to show him some appreciation ;)_

 **JUSTICE!:** _Please do not ever say those words to me again._

 **JUSTICE!:** _Good night to you both._

“Oh my GOD, Anders.”

He cracks up again as I drop the phone on the table like it’s on fire. I don’t want to be anywhere near this conversation.  

Anders has moved next to the bed in the meantime, beginning to unbutton his shirt.

“Wait,” I call, reaching out to stop him. He pauses, raising an eyebrow.

“I just thought…” I re-button the one he had already undone. I suddenly feel shy for no apparent reason, taking a step back as I rub my neck.

“Thought what, love?”  

I bite my lip, looking at his eager, hopeful face and I feel such a wave of affection for him that it nearly overwhelms me. _You’re being ridiculous, Garrett. What’s the worst he’ll say?_

I step closer again, running my hands down his chest.

“I thought maybe you could give me a visual demonstration to go with that story I heard tonight,” I murmur. “Pretend that I’m one of your adoring fans.”

“Aren’t you?” he smirks, leaning in to nip at my bottom lip. I chuckle a little, leaning forward to kiss him again.

“Were you jealous?” he purrs, resting his hands on my hips.  I just kind of shrug noncommittally but I’m smiling.

“You know I’d give you a _much_ better show.”

“Then put your money where your mouth is,” I reply lightly, giving him a small push so I can step away. “And don’t accidentally fall into my shower in the process.”

“Oh, you’re funny,” he retorts, rolling his eyes with a grin. He kind of studies me for a minute before nodding at the bed.

“Sit here.”

I sit on the edge of the bed, leaning back on my elbows as he stands in front of me, just out of reach.

“Remember the hotel in Antiva?” he asks. I nod my head. How could I forget?

“Pretend we’re there,” he smiles. “The whole team is walking in through that fancy front entrance…you’re standing off to the side with a screaming crowd of fans…”

He takes a step closer, but he’s still out of reach. He brushes his hair back with both hands before sliding them seductively down his neck and across his collarbone to the top button. He unfastens it, staring at me as he gives me a small smirk.

“I’m smiling at the crowd, looking them over until I spot _you_ ,” he murmurs, unbuttoning the next one. “And I know I _want_ you.”

I shift a little on the bed, watching as he unbuttons another before reaching a hand inside his shirt. He kind of…massages his chest for a second. I think he’s playing with a nipple, but I can’t really tell. He just looks like he's struggling to scratch an itch. I bite my lip so I don’t accidentally laugh.

“I’m focused only on you now,” Anders continues, moving down the row of buttons. “I want to imagine it’s just you and me and everyone else has disappeared.”

“Ask, and you shall receive,” I grin, looking around.

“Shhhh,” Anders shushes me. “We’re still pretending.”

“Sorry.”

“So it’s just you and me in this crowd of people,” he resumes, giving me a sultry look as he loosens a couple more buttons. There’s only a few left…I hope he knows where he’s going with this. I also hope “where he’s going” is my pants.

“I want your hands _all_ over me,” he purrs. “I don’t care who’s watching…I only have eyes for you.”

“And then you fall into the fountain.”

“ _Garrett._ ”

“I’m sorry!” I crack up. “Sorry, I just can’t get that part out of my head.”

“This was _your_ idea,” Anders sulks, although he’s smiling a little. I can also see redness creeping up his neck…I think I embarrassed him.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat again. I reach out and pull him towards me, wrapping my arms around his waist so I can rest my cheek on his now-bare stomach. I give it a small kiss for good measure, a snicker of surprise slipping out of him.

“I still thought you were sexy,” I add, just in case it’s not too late.

“Yeah, yeah,” he smiles, running his fingers through my hair. “So…did I kill the mood?”

“Nope,” I reply, lying back suddenly and pulling him with me. He lands on top of me with a yelp before we both start laughing.

We spend a few minutes lazily kissing each other before the position starts to get uncomfortable and we both shift to properly lie on the bed, Anders straddling my waist.

“So…” he starts, running his fingertips lightly down my sides. “What do you feel like, love?”

“I’m not picky."

And I’m really not. I just love looking at him like this…shirt unbuttoned and hanging wide open, leaning over me with his hair loose and falling in his face. That bit of stubble and playful look in his eyes as he traces the length of my chest over and over. I could probably stay like this all night and be happy.

“Love?” he asks, pulling me out of my daydream.

“Sorry,” I chuckle. “Just thinking.”

“Hopefully about all the ways you’re going to ravage me. Or vice versa.”

“Something like that,” I smile.

“Actually…” he murmurs, pausing for a minute. His face softens, and he leans down to give me a kiss, remaining close. “Let me just spoil you tonight. Forget about me.”

“I can’t forget about you,” I retort. “I’m one of your adoring fans, remember? I’d be fantasizing about you even if it _wasn’t_ you.”

“No more pretending tonight,” he laughs. “Just…let me treat you special. For putting up with terrifying dinner guests and everything.”

“I’d rather we not talk about Justice in the bedroom.”

“ _You’re_ the one who brought up his name,” Anders replies, laughing again. I haven’t seen him this carefree and happy in so long. I just want to stay this way.

“I like this,” I blurt out.

“What?” he asks, furrowing his brow. “Talking about Justice? I don’t—“

“No!” I bark out a laugh. “I meant just this – teasing each other. Being…I don’t know. Happy.”

“We _are_ happy, love,” he smirks. “Doesn’t mean I can’t make you happier. Or happy in other ways.”

“You drive such a hard bargain,” I sigh dramatically. “Or if we’re talking about driving hard things into me…”

“Okay, okay,” Anders groans, although he’s still smiling. “How about you just sit back, relax, and let me have my way with you?”

Neither of us says another word as he reaches down to unfasten my jeans and pull them off, along with my remaining clothes. I’m suddenly completely naked, spread out on the bed and all he’s done is take off his shoes and unbutton his shirt. For some reason, it’s extremely arousing.

He must be able to read my mind because he doesn’t bother with the rest of his clothes, leaning down to take a nipple into his mouth instead. He begins to suck while taking great care not to grind into my rapidly hardening cock below him. I let out a loud moan at the feel of his lips, resisting the urge to grab his head and hold him there.

He switches over to the other nipple a few seconds later, a hand teasing the one his mouth just left and I involuntarily buck my hips up into his. The friction is exactly what I want, but I don’t want his _pants_.

“Love,” I groan, spreading my legs so he’s forced to move. “Take your pants off?”

His lips are red and shiny as he looks up at me, a grin spreading across his face.

“Whatever you want.”

He sits back up and starts to take off his shirt, and for the second time tonight I stop him.

“Leave that on,” I request, blushing slightly. “Just like that. Take everything else off.”

He doesn’t respond, just raises his eyebrows in surprise before smirking at me and complying. My mind immediately imagines that shirt is his baseball jersey instead, and my traitorous cock jumps a little at the thought. Something that Anders doesn’t fail to notice.

“This turn you on, love?” he murmurs, taking a spot on the bed again, this time in between my legs.

He rests a hand on my bent knee, the other hand running through the top of his hair as he rolls his hips a little. He’s already almost completely hard, and I can’t decide where to look first. _Fuck_ , he’s gorgeous.

“Do that again,” I mumble, spreading my legs a little wider to get a better look.

He repeats the motion a few more times, eyes half-closed now as he gazes down at me. He doesn’t wait for any more instructions, the hand that was in his hair now sliding down his chest before reaching his cock. He pauses there for a second to gauge my reaction, taking himself in hand a second later and giving it a few slow strokes.

“Fuck,” I whisper, eyes trained on his movements.

“You like watching me, love?” he groans, bucking into his hand a little. All I can do is nod.

“I’m going to tease you one day,” he continues, the other hand leaving my knee to slide down my leg. “Tie you up so you can’t touch me. Make you watch me play with myself until I come over and over. Do you think you could come like that? From just watching?”

I nod my head vigorously, my cock twitching at the idea as he speeds up. I reach down to touch myself, but he gently smacks my hand away.

“Not yet,” he teases. “Do you want to watch me come now?”

“No.” My mouth forms the words, but I’m not sure any sound actually comes out. I shake my head for good measure, clearing my throat. “In me.”

He shudders a little, barely enough for me to see but he gives an exceptionally hard stroke at my words before taking his hand away entirely.

“Where?”

I prop a couple more pillows behind my head so that I’m partially reclined and have enough cushioning for the onslaught I know is coming. I don’t want him (or me, for that matter) to worry about my head slamming into the wall.

“My mouth,” I answer once I finish, as if it isn’t obvious.

“Like this?”

He knows it’s my favorite - me prone on my back, safe and comfortable in the softness of the bed while he fucks my mouth with abandon. I’m almost always sore the next day, and he feels a little bad…but I secretly suspect it’s one of his favorites, too. Still, he makes sure to ask.

“Please, love,” I urge him, opening my mouth slightly.

I can see his resolve break as he quickly makes his way up to straddle my chest. I rest my arms around his thighs as he lines his cock up with my mouth with one hand, bracing himself against the headboard with the other.

“Ready?” he whispers, tapping the head on my bottom lip.

I lean forward and take as much as I can in my mouth at once, surprising him. He groans loudly and in retaliation, shoves himself the rest of the way in with such force my head is shoved back into the pillows. I chuckle a little around his cock and the way he shudders and his eyes flutter shut tells me I should do it more.

He starts slow, probably afraid he hurt me with that first thrust, but I know that won’t last for long. I start making these really loud, obscene noises as I suck him and I know it drives him wild. His thrusts start picking up, rutting into my mouth with both hands braced on the headboard as the whole bed shakes with his movement.

“Fuck, Garrett…” he grunts out. “Feel so fucking good… _fuck_ those noises you make. You like this, love? This feel good, mouth full of my cock?”

I let out another low groan, looking up at him. He’s watching himself slide in and out of my mouth, flicking his eyes to mine once or twice and smiling as his breathing gets more ragged. I slide my hands up his legs, gripping his ass and squeezing before pushing him in as deep as he’ll go. I nearly choke on his length but the cry of pleasure that he lets slip is worth it.

“Not going to last,” he pants, his rhythm becoming uneven. I know he’s close, the head of his cock nudging the back of my throat repeatedly. I snake one hand down the cleft of his ass, teasing his hole as I let out another throaty moan to send vibrations straight up his body.

“ _Garrett_ ,” he cries, fingers tangling in my hair as he grips my head. After a few more shaky thrusts he groans loudly, holding my head in place as he comes down my throat in long, warm spurts. I swallow as much as I can, although a little manages to dribble out of the corners of my mouth, into my beard.

He rolls off after a few moments, lying next to me with an arm thrown over his eyes, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. I clean myself off before grabbing the bottle of water on my bedside table and chugging half of it in one go.

I hear Anders mumble something beside me, but I can’t make out what he said, his mouth still partially covered by his arm. I nudge him a little, and he rolls onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow to look at me.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, smiling sheepishly.

“For what?” I frown. “You know I like when you—“

“I said I was going to spoil _you_ ,” he interrupts. “Not myself.”

He traces a line down my chest with his free hand, fingertips dancing lightly as they reach my half-hard cock.

“Let me make it up to you,” he smiles. “Anything you want.”

“Whatever,” I smile back, shrugging slightly. “I don’t need anything fancy.”

He leans over, pressing a lingering kiss to my lips before pulling back slightly.

“How about you fuck me?” he whispers.

“What?” I blink at him, eyes wide.

 _Just say yes, you jackass_ , I hiss to myself. If I take too long to respond I’m going to end up dreaming about it instead.

“I’ll need a little prep,” he chuckles, nipping my bottom lip. “But my ass is yours, if you want it.”

That snaps me out of it, at least.

“Who knew you were such a romantic?”

“What can I say?” he smirks. “I live to please. Give me a minute to go clean up?”

I nod, and he gives me a peck on the cheek, rolling off the bed and heading to the bathroom. I just kinda lie there for a minute, trying to calm down my excitement a little. My cock had started to soften, but now just imagining being inside of him I feel it swell up again quickly.

Anders comes back after a few minutes, smiling as he eases himself back onto the bed.

“Ready and waiting.”

I reach over and fumble around in my nightstand for the bottle of lube, tossing it at him.

“Are you going to do the honors, or will I?”

He takes the bottle, placing one more quick kiss on my shoulder before straddling me again – this time with his back to me. He looks at me over his shoulder, glancing down at my dick resting heavily on my leg.

“Enjoy the show, love,” he grins.

I roll my eyes but smile back, making myself comfortable as I hear him uncap the bottle. He bends over slightly, and I can’t help myself, I reach out and take two handfuls of his ass, squeezing as he yelps and almost drops the bottle.

“Don’t scare me like that,” he laughs. I don’t say anything, just admire the way my hands fit so perfectly over each cheek.

“If you want to be useful…” he begins, placing a hand over one of mine as his other appears, a couple of fingers now slick with lube. I get the hint and spread him apart so he can brace himself again with his other hand. One finger begins teasing his hole, and we let out quiet groans at the same time.

“Should I drag this out?” he murmurs, circling his rim with a finger. “How eager are you?”

“Eager,” I reply immediately. I know I should savor this, but all I can think of is sinking my cock deep inside of him.

“I figured,” he says. He gives me another look, biting his lip as he slowly pushes one finger inside.  He does so with little resistance, so I’m thinking he might not be as ill-prepared as he let on. Or he’s just as eager as I am.

He arches his back a little as he removes his finger, making sure his ass is prominently on display as he pistons it in and out, making soft noises the entire time. It only takes a few minutes before a second finger joins the first, and soon enough he’s eagerly pushing back as he opens himself up. I’m transfixed, massaging his ass as I stare between his fingers and the glimpses I can get of his cock bouncing in front as he moves.

The bottle of lube is in between us and I grab it right as he adds a third finger, pausing for the first time to allow himself to get used to the stretch. He looks amazing, bent over with his hair falling in his face again, three fingers up his ass as he slowly rolls his hips onto them. I slick myself up, taking care not to stroke too much because I have a feeling I’m going to last about five seconds once I’m inside him.

“Let me know when you’re ready,” Anders suddenly rasps out, glancing at me. I watch him for a few more moments, trying to decide if he’s open enough for me. He must sense my hesitation because he lets out a little huff of a laugh.

“A little stretch isn’t going to kill me, love,” he grins. “I want to feel every inch of that beautiful, thick cock inside of me.”

“Now,” I groan, grabbing hold of his hips. He removes his fingers, wiping them off quickly before bracing his hands on my legs.

“Turn around?” I request, holding him in place.

“I thought you’d like this angle,” he smirks, grinding his ass down as he looks at me again over his shoulder. It’s so fucking flirty and sexy and I’m adding it to the list of things he needs to stop teasing me with if he expects me to last more than a minute.

“Sit up a little,” he instructs. I prop the pillows up behind my back, sitting up almost completely. He grabs hold of my cock once I’m comfortable, lining it up with his hole.

“Just let me go slow,” he murmurs. I nod, even though I doubt he saw me.

Slow is an understatement. It feels like _hours_ as he lowers himself down, inch by excruciating inch. I’m breathing heavily before he’s halfway done, fingers gripping his hips hard enough to bruise as he lets out the most desperate little noises. It takes all my willpower not to thrust up in him all at once and finally get some relief.

Eventually, he’s completely sheathed, and we both just take a moment to adjust. I’m not moving an inch – more for my sake than his. He feels so fucking _good_. So tight and so hot and perfect that I want to etch it all into my mind to remember on those lonely nights he's not around.

“I’m going to jerk off to this moment for weeks,” I groan into his ear.

I…definitely did not mean to say that out loud. _Fuck_.

“That should not have sounded as hot as it did,” Anders groans around a laugh. He takes one of my arms, putting it around his chest so I’m holding him close to me. He takes my other hand and leads it to his cock, which I immediately start stroking.

“One second, love,” he breathes out a laugh again. I let out a little moan of impatience. It’s already been too many seconds.

“Don’t worry about me,” he pants, starting to move. “Tell me to go as fast or as slow as you want. I want it to feel amazing for you.”

“It already does,” I moan, burying my face in his neck. It’s not a great angle for me thrust up into him, but he’s doing a pretty great job of moving on his own. I also don’t have to do much other than keep my hand curled around his cock, since he’s basically bucking into it at the same time. Smart man.

“Feels good here, too,” he grunts. “We should do this more often.”

I just nod my head, rutting my hips the best I can into his thrusts. He feels so fucking fantastic, I can’t even get the words out. My entire world has narrowed down to my dick.

“You are so fucking tight,” I growl. "God, Anders, I don't want this to stop. Your ass is perfect...feels so good bouncing around my cock..."

“Fuck, Garrett,” he moans, riding me harder. It’s hard to hold onto him with as erratically as he’s moving, so I eventually stop trying.

“On your stomach,” I demand, pulling him off. I’m amazed at how quickly he obeys, lying face down with his legs spread in front of me. I take a few seconds to drink him in before leaning over and plunging back in with one thrust.

“Tell me if you need me to get up,” I murmur into his ear as I sprawl on top of him. My body completely covers his, and I love it. He just nods, fingers already clutching the sheets as I begin to move.

I feel like I should be making this more romantic or affectionate or _something_ but my mind isn’t quite working with my body right now. I’m driving into him as fast and as hard as I can as he groans out strings of “ _fuck me harder_ ” and “ _don’t stop_ ” and other intelligible cries as I chase my orgasm. He’s rutting against the sheets himself, clinging to anything he can for movement and I’m so sorry to any of my neighbors that are overhearing this but we aren’t even trying to be quiet at this point.

“Almost there… _fuck,_  God, Anders…” I wail. I can feel myself at the edge, and I lift myself up slightly, wrapping one arm under his stomach and gripping his shoulder with the other as I pound into him even harder.

“ _Garrett_ , I’m--” he shouts before letting out a strangled sob, coming without warning all over my arm and sheets. It just pushes me even closer, but I know he’s got to be sensitive, so I try and slow down a little for his sake. He doesn’t seem to care, though, and urges me on.

“Keep going,” he pants, rocking back into me. I slide my hand up and feel he’s still mostly hard, groaning when I start to stroke him again.

“I don’t know how you do this,” I mumble into his neck. He’s arching his back up against me so I can get a better grip on his cock and it ruins my rhythm a little but I can’t even care. Part of me wants to see how many times I can get him to come before I do, but I’m too far gone to control myself much longer.

“You come first,” he grunts out, barely understandable over the noise in the room. I don’t pay any attention, stroking him roughly as I try to keep up my pace. He just groans again and buries his face in the sheets, letting out muffled cries as he nears his release again. 

“Love, _please_ come…I need…” he rasps out, trying to look at me. His face is red and sweaty, eyes half closed and hair sticking to his cheeks and he looks fucking _gorgeous._

I stop stroking him, lifting up his hips with both hands so I can thrust into him with more leverage. He promptly takes hold of his cock, jerking himself wildly as I feel the heat in my abdomen rise as my balls tighten.

“Fuck, Anders, fuck, _fuck…I’m coming_ ,” I shout, and with a few more hard thrusts I’m emptying inside of him for what feels like forever. I vaguely hear him come again with another cry, shuddering underneath me as both our bodies give out and we fall in a heap.

I slowly pull out, taking care as I hear Anders hiss quietly from the movement. He’s breathing heavily, not paying me any mind, and I just sit for a minute and stare at his gaping hole leaking my come. I can feel my face flush hotly and I’m glad he’s not looking at me. I don’t know why, but all I can think of is leaning down and licking it out of him, and I feel my cock jump weakly at the idea. Maybe another time. When I know it won’t weird him out.

I plant a small kiss on his back instead, as sweaty as it is, and hear him chuckle before turning to look at me with a dazed smile on his face.

“I’m not pitching tomorrow, right?” he asks sleepily.

“Sure hope not,” I joke, giving him another kiss. “I guess I should clean us up so we can sleep, huh?”

“You need to change these sheets, too,” he mumbles, eyes already closing. He makes no effort to move so I can, you know, actually _do_ that.

I nudge him playfully before rolling off the bed, groaning as I stretch my poor, overworked muscles. I’m definitely going to be sore tomorrow. He just blinks groggily at me a couple of times as I make my way to the bathroom – slowly – so I can grab a washcloth or two.

He’s basically asleep when I come back out, and he looks so peaceful I hate to wake him. I stand and quietly look at him again, still in awe that someone so perfect is here with me.

_Anders, do you know how beautiful you look, totally fucked out, dripping with my come and asleep on my bed? Because I’m never getting this image out of my head._

That’s romantic, right? Maybe I'll just keep it to myself. 

I clean us up and have to practically carry him out of bed for the few minutes it takes for me to change the sheets. He doesn’t even bother to put on any clothes, just slides under the fresh covers and smiles as he holds out an arm for me to join him.

And who am I to resist?

* * *

After the exhaustion and _exertion_ of the day, you’d think I’d be able to fall asleep almost immediately. Anders does, and I thought having him next to me – like I’ve been craving for the last couple weeks – would be enough, but here it is, hours later and I’m still wide awake.

Eventually, I get out of bed, making a quick pit stop to the bathroom before going to the kitchen for a quick glass of milk. Woofy jumps up as soon as he sees me and I can almost hear the “ _finally!_ ” he must be screaming as he trots over. I pet him and give him a treat as a peace offering before heading back to bed, leaving the door open so he can follow. He flops down on his bed with an entitled huff.

I try to slip back under the covers as quietly as possible, but Anders stirs, reaching out to me.

“Love?” he mumbles, scooting closer.

“I’m fine,” I whisper, curling up against him. He drapes an arm around my chest, pulling me to him.

I figure that’s enough and he’ll fall back asleep, but he nudges me with his head a few minutes later.

“What’s wrong?” he murmurs around a yawn.

“It’s nothing,” I assure him. “Go back to sleep.”

“Can’t sleep if something’s bothering you,” he says, propping his chin on my arm. “Did I do something?”

“No,” I smile, giving him a kiss. “Just can’t sleep.”

“Bethany?”

“Probably,” I admit. “I really need to text her.”

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“Maybe in the morning.” He looks way too tired to form a coherent thought tonight.

“Don’t overthink it, love,” he says around another yawn. “Just text her and invite her over…hear her side of the story and tell her yours.”

I sigh, rolling over to bury my face in his chest. It’s an awkward position, but the way he curls up protectively around me makes it worth it. He’s the only person who can make me feel…I don’t know, _small_. Even though I’m the bigger one of the two of us. It’s nice.  

“You’ll be fine,” he soothes, pressing a kiss to my head. “I’m sure she’s dying to talk to you.”

“If you say so.”

I mean, I’m hoping that’s the case, but I know how jumbled my head gets when I’m overwhelmed. I forgot how to make words and sentences and usually end up flailing my arms around and hoping whoever I’m talking to can figure out what I mean. Although to be fair, if anyone would be able to figure it out, it’s Beth.

“And you know I’ll be here after,” Anders says, lips drifting over mine again. “No matter what happens.”

I give him a strained smile that he probably can’t see before pulling the covers higher over us both, letting the thoughts whirl around in my head a little longer before eventually drifting off to sleep.

* * *

I reluctantly say bye to Anders the next morning, opting to lounge around in bed for a while longer after he leaves. I know I need to just text Beth and get it over with, especially since I won’t see her at work today.

I do just about everything to stall, though. My bathroom suddenly seems _really_ dirty, and all that laundry I told Anders about isn’t going to wash itself. By the time I hear my phone buzz with a new message, it’s after one.

 **Anders:** _everything okay, love?_

I can probably lie, right? He won’t know the difference.

 **Me:** _yup! :D Why wouldn’t it be?_

 **Anders:** _message her, Garrett_

 **Anders:** _you can’t stall forever_

God damn him and his mind reading.  

 **Me:** _FINE. I’m doing it now :(_

 **Me:** _I’ll talk to you tonight_

 **Anders:** _< 3_

I take a deep breath, holding it for a minute before exhaling loud enough that Woofy looks over at me from his bed. This shouldn’t be so _hard_. It’s just Beth, for fuck’s sake.

I know I need to do it now or I’ll find excuses for the next week. Maybe a month, if I’m creative. I pull up her name and open a new text box.

 **Me:** _hey…I think it’s time we talked_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 20 chapters. That's roughly 17 more than I ever expected this fic to have and we're not close to done yet. Probably because I decide to spend nearly 14k words on an in-between chapter rather than resolving plot points. Sorry (?)
> 
> Someone please kick my ass and make me write a Justice fic already. I love him in this fic too much and I feel like it's glaringly obvious whenever he appears lol. 
> 
> Next chapter we'll get back into the meat of the plot, but I thought we could use a little lightness for a bit. Hopefully I made you all smile, cause I giggled at a few different parts writing it :)
> 
> Thanks again for all the comments, kudos, keyboard smashing, whatever you'd like to give <3 It's always appreciated!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett invites Bethany over for dinner so they can finally make amends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this chapter but there's also nothing I want to change, soooo...

I bite my lip as I wait for a response. I realize that I honestly have no idea how upset with me she is. She might not answer at all, and I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for an in-person confrontation right now.

Luckily, I don’t have to wait very long. My phone vibrates in my hand a few seconds later.

 **Bethany:** _I’d like that_

Oh, thank _God_.

But wait…just because she wants to talk doesn’t mean she’s not mad at me. She might walk in here, slap me and turn right around. _Shit_ , I didn’t think this through. Maybe I should have buttered her up a little over the phone first. I wonder if I can still back out…

 **Bethany:** _I can come over after work today_

Okay, crap, nevermind. But maybe it’s a good thing. She gets off work in about four hours, so that’s enough time for me to be in slightly subdued hysterics but not at a complete barricade-the-door-and-hide-in-the-bathroom level of panic. I can do this.  

 **Me:** _that sounds good :) I’ll get us some dinner_

 **Bethany:** _k :)) see you then_

I let out a sigh of relief, sinking into the couch and closing my eyes. Just dinner with my little sister, no big deal. I can concentrate on food and hopefully distract myself from everything else.

It’s not until I’m trying to decide on _what_ to have for dinner that it hits me…what if she doesn’t come alone? I don’t know if I’m ready to take on her and Fenris at the same time. Or, God forbid, all three of them.

I check the time really fast and realize Anders is already at the ballpark so I can’t text him for advice. Normally I would text Fenris and ask but, well, that’s not an option here. I bite my lip, scrolling through my contacts. I don’t really have a choice, and Beth’s going to be here in about an hour, so I need to bite the bullet.

 **Me:** _so, um…how much food should I get?_

That’s not too obvious, right? _Hey, Beth, just wanna know if you’re feeling extra hungry tonight. Totally not asking if you’re bringing reinforcements with you or anything_.

 **Bethany:** _it’ll just be me_

 **Bethany:** _I thought you might feel outnumbered with anyone else_

 **Bethany:** _is that okay?_

More than okay. I should have known to just ask her outright.

 **Me:** _just checking! That’s fine_

I was going to cook something for us, but rooting around in my cabinets makes me realize that I really need to go grocery shopping. I don’t have the time or energy to do that before she gets here, so take out it is. There’s a pasta place in town that Beth really likes, so I’ll splurge a little and get us a couple meals from there. It’s the least I can do right now.

I’m just setting out the plates and food when I hear a hesitant knock on my door, and I jump a little. Beth has a key, so I don’t know why she doesn’t just let herself in.

Woofy gets to the door before I do and I nudge him out of the way so I can actually get it open. Beth is standing on the other side, nervously biting her lip as she looks around.

“Um, hey,” I greet her, rubbing the back of my neck.

She takes one look at me and bursts into tears, flinging her arms around my waist and hugging me tightly. Oh God, I wasn’t prepared for tears.

I hug her back and kind of simultaneously step backward into my apartment, dragging her with me until I can close the door behind her. She’s sobbing into my chest, and it’s making _me_ want to cry now, so I just hug her back and let her get it out of her system.

Woofy is sitting next to where we’re standing, whining quietly and nudging Beth in the side with his massive head. She finally pulls back from me and laughs a little, reaching down to pet him.

“Hi, Woofs,” she sniffles, wiping her eyes. “I missed you too.”

He’s so excited at being acknowledged that he jumps up and plows into my side, nearly knocking me over as he tries to get in between Beth and me. This is total payback for locking him out of the room last night.

“I um, picked up some food, if you want to eat first,” I begin, looking toward the dining room.

“Yeah, just let me wash up real fast,” she replies, giving me a watery smile as she wipes her eyes again.

I take a couple deep breaths as soon as she leaves, trying to calm myself down as I give Woofy a pet of my own and head into the dining room to finish setting out the food. I really wish I could talk to Anders right now. He’d help me relax.

Beth returns a few minutes later, face lighting up when she realizes what we’re having.

“Oh my God, Gare, you’re the best,” she grins, sitting down.

I just shrug a little, smiling back as I take my seat.

“I figured we deserved some good food,” I tell her, piling fettuccine on my plate. “Or you do, anyway.”

She smiles at me again, blushing a little. We eat in silence for a few minutes, commenting on the food and making some small talk about Woofy, but it’s a little awkward. I don’t want to launch into the conversation over dinner, but we don’t really feel like we can just _talk_ , you know? I ask her about Carver and mom, figuring that’s probably safe territory.

“Carver made a cake yesterday,” she laughs, picking at what’s left of her food. “He wanted to surprise Merrill cause I guess it’s their two- or three-month anniversary or something. You should have seen Mom’s face, she was so proud of him.”

“Mom never gets excited when I bake something!” I cry.

“That’s because it’s your _job_ ,” Beth laughs again. “I’m impressed he managed not to screw this thing with Merrill up. Who saw that coming?”

“Literally no one,” I agree.

We kind of lapse back into silence as we finish the rest of our food, but it’s not entirely uncomfortable. It _does_ give me time to realize that I haven’t actually thought about how to broach the subject once we’re done. I guess I’m just kind of hoping Beth will lead the way.

I make both of us coffee after I clear the plates and we head to the living room to relax, Woofy curling up on the floor at Beth’s feet. Neither of us has said anything yet, so I turn on the TV for some background noise as she quietly sips her drink, and we watch some dumb sitcom for a while in silence. A commercial eventually comes on, and she turns to face me, clearing her throat.

“So…where do you want to begin?”

She looks nervous, which makes me feel a little better for some reason. At least I’m not the only one.

“Um…” I think, tapping the side of my mug. “From the beginning, I guess?”

“I’m not even sure where the beginning is,” she says, giving me a lopsided smile. “Beginning like…with Bela?”

“I mean, I don’t need explicit details or anything,” I reply, shifting uncomfortably. “Just give me the broad strokes.”

“Okay.” She takes a deep breath, staring into her mug for a minute before looking at me.

“So, Bela and I have been together since New Year’s an—“

“ _What?_ ” I cry. “That’s forever ago, Beth, what the hell!”

Bethany shrinks back into her seat a little, and I feel bad. I’m not necessarily _mad_ at her. I just can’t believe I didn’t pick up on any of this. Especially since that was pre-Anders, before my mind was supposedly “compromised” or whatever.

“Sorry,” I sigh. “I’m just annoyed at myself. Keep going.”

She bites her lip like she’s thinking twice about this entire thing, but she eventually picks up again.

“We didn’t really plan for it to happen,” she says, a little defensively. “I mean, I had always had a little bit of a crush on her, but I never imagined she’d feel anything back.”

She shrugs, looking down at her lap.

“She’s so pretty, you know?” she says. “And older, and could get anyone she wanted…”

“You’re beautiful, don’t say that!” I blurt out. “Anyone would be lucky to date you.”

“Thanks, Gare,” she murmurs, blushing slightly. “But you know what I mean. I wasn’t going to make a move because I thought she would shut me down and then I wouldn’t be able to look at her ever again.”

She chuckles a little, and I smile back, which seems to help her settle down.

“So, you know how we were planning that New Year’s Eve party for weeks, right?” I nod in reply.

“Well,” Beth continues, “I had been flirting with her a little more blatantly than usual, and she seemed to be responding. But it’s Bela. She could be like that with everyone for all I know. So I figured at some point I was going to just have to be blunt.”

Yeah, if there’s one thing us Hawkes have in common, it’s a lack of bluntness. At least intentional bluntness. I can’t control what comes out of my mouth sometimes.

“So what did you do?”

She groans and blushes a little, looking away with a grin.

“The cheesiest thing imaginable,” she sighs. “I had been drinking, and it was getting close to midnight, and you know how we’re always hanging all over each other anyway, right? So it’s just about time for the ball to drop and I throw myself down on her lap and tell her ‘you better be the one kissing me at midnight.’”

“I vaguely remember that night,” I muse, thinking back.

“Yeah,” Beth snorts. “You were going up to everyone and asking them to be your Valentine, remember? And you got mad when Carver corrected you, and you threatened to tell Merrill about his crush.”

 _Oh yeah_. I groan a little at the memory. Maybe it’s for the best that I don’t remember much about that night.

“ _Anyway_ ,” she continues. “So midnight comes, and Bela turns to me and says ‘you sure, kitten?’ and man…I laid one on her.”

Her giggles turn into full-blown laughter at the memory, and I chuckle with her, trying not to actually picture my little sister kissing one of my closest friends.

“I think she was a little surprised,” Beth says with a shy smile once she calms down. “But then one thing led to another, and we ended up making out for a while afterward.”

“Wait, how did I not see you?”

“It was after we all went to bed,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Come on, Gare. I’m not going to do that in front of both of my brothers.”

I just kind of shrug a little. At this point, I’m not putting anything past her, especially since I’m apparently oblivious to everything.

“So anyway, we talked a little that night about things, but then we went out for lunch the next day and really sort of came clean with each other.”

I frown. “She liked you, too? And hadn’t said anything?”

“No,” Beth shakes her head. “I mean, not to the point where she would have told me. She kind of assumed I was off limits.”

She makes a face at that comment, but I can’t really blame Bela. If it were me in her shoes, I’d probably feel the same way.

“But once she realized I had feelings for her she sort of…I don’t know, wanted to give it a shot?” She starts fiddling with a bracelet she’s wearing. “But we were also both kind of worried what everyone else would think, so we decided to keep it quiet for a little while and see whether things would work.”

I scratch my beard, thinking that over. I don’t think I would have been upset if she told me. Confused, maybe. Especially since I had no idea that my sister wasn’t straight until all this came to light, but I don’t think I would have been _mad_ about it. Carver would probably freak out a little at first – he’s always been over-protective of her – but he would have gotten over it eventually.

“So…” I begin. “If I’m the last to know, when did everyone else find out?”

Beth shrugs. “Most of them figured it out on their own,” she says. “Fenris and Merrill did, anyway. And then Merrill made a comment to Carver about it, and that’s how _he_ found out. That was right around when we all went to the baseball game together. In the box, I mean.”

I try and think back on that day, but I remember spending more time teasing Carver about him and Merrill than watching Beth and Bela. I _do_ remember them trying to trick the box attendant into thinking _they_ were the ones Anders gave the box to, but even when that was happening, I was more focused on Fenris’ reactions.

 _Fenris_.

“I remember Fenris acting pretty jealous that day,” I remark, and it comes off a little more snidely than I intend. “But I thought it was directed at Bela, not you.”

I’m getting frustrated again. This whole feeling like I was being misled this entire time is bubbling back up to the surface and won’t go away.

“I kept trying to ask Fenris if something was going on between him and Bela,” I continue. I start bouncing my leg as I think, trying to come up with a way to explain it without sounding too accusatory.

“I’m pretty sure I asked him flat out more than once,” I say. “Not that day, but over the course of a few weeks. And he kept telling me nothing was going on. But then he also kept saying he wanted to tell me something, but he never got the chance. Which is bullshit, by the way.”

I give her a pointed look at that last remark, and she just shrugs a little and looks away.

“He could have told me any one of those times he tried to bring it up,” I argue. I’m getting worked up now. “So you’re telling me that all that time he was trying to tell me he was in a relationship with _you_ and not her? Is that why he was so freaked out?”

“Gare,” she starts quietly, holding her hand up in an attempt to pacify me. “First, just calm down, okay? The whole point of this was for us to clear the air and I can’t do that if you’re not going to keep an open mind.”

I open my mouth to argue again but I know she’s right. I’ll just silently freak out instead.

“So, let me explain about Fenris,” she says once I settle back in my seat. “And please, just…let me get through the whole thing before you start bombarding me with questions, okay?” I nod, but I’m not too happy about it.

“You know Fenris and I have always been close,” she starts. “I think just by nature of him being your best friend and stuff, he became one of my closest friends, too.”

She’s not wrong. Fenris is easily the person I spend the most time with, outside of her. And there were countless times where it was just the three of us that would hang out. I guess it’s only natural that they would become close on their own.

“Bela has always found him attractive,” Beth continues, “but even though it always _looked_ like she was trying to get him into bed, she respected his boundaries. You know how she flirts with everyone, it’s just the way she is. But if he gave any indication he was uncomfortable, she backed off right away.”

I nod. If there’s anyone who knows about Fen and his boundaries, it’s me.

“It wasn’t until Bela and I had been together a few months that we – or namely, _I_ – started picking up on signs that he might be interested. In her, not me.”

She looks a little upset by that, kind of scrunching her face together as if it’s an unpleasant memory. I feel my protective instincts rising up again.

“What kind of signs?” I ask before I can stop myself. She doesn’t look upset that I asked, just shrugs a shoulder.

“I could see the way he would sneak looks at her,” she said. “Bela claimed that he was also sneaking looks at _me_ , but I never saw it. He would offer to pick her up if we were all going out somewhere. He didn’t shrug her off right away when she touched him. Stuff like that.”

I purse my lips, trying to think back. I noticed some of this stuff in my periphery, but probably not as much as she had. And I also wasn’t _looking_ for it, so I doubt I would have caught it unless it was really obvious.

“I can fully admit that I was jealous,” Beth laughs a little, shaking her head. “Fenris didn’t know about us yet, obviously, and Bela didn’t take him seriously, so I felt like I was being really paranoid. And combined with the jealousy I wasn’t exactly in the best of moods.”

“Timeline?” I ask. I don’t remember her being in a bad mood like that at all, and now I’m starting to feel guilty that I really was _that_ oblivious.

“Mmm…” she thinks. “Probably around the end of March, start of April?” Okay, so I wasn’t in my Anders-daze yet.

“I didn’t even notice,” I murmur. “I’m sorry.”

She just shakes her head and gives me a small smile.

“I wasn’t obvious about it, Gare,” she assures me. “At least, not around you. Bela knew there was something wrong, but when I told her what it was, she just laughed it off. Told me I had nothing to worry about, blah blah.”

This is not making things clearer, but I just motion for her to continue.

“So, one day Fenris asks me out to lunch, and I remember thinking, ‘this is it, he’s going to tell me today.’ Tell me _what_ , I didn’t know, but I had a feeling it had to do with Bela. And sure enough…”

She lets out a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair for a second before she continues. It’s weird. I thought she was happy? Right now she just looks…bemused.

“He starts off by asking if Bela is seeing anyone,” she finally says. “We hadn’t told anybody at that point, so I just sort of vaguely mentioned that I thought she was interested in someone, but it wasn’t really my place to speak for her anyway. Then he asks me if _I’m_ dating anyone, and that really threw me off.”

I narrow my eyes a little. This is so…un-Fen-like.

“I remember getting really shy,” Beth continues with a grin. “Like blushing and stuff and I couldn’t think of anything to say at first. But he just sits back and gives me that smug little smirk of his – you know which one – and says, ‘you and Bela are together, aren’t you?’ And then I freaked the hell out.”

I snort out a laugh, and she starts quietly laughing, even though she looks like she wants to punch me. I know _exactly_ what smirk she’s talking about and I can totally picture my poor little sister, bright red in the face, trying not to screech in the middle of a restaurant.

“So anyway, after I calm back down he just sort of shrugs a little and says he’s happy for us. I start to feel bad for some ridiculous reason and apologize to him. I actually _apologized_ for being in a happy relationship.”

“You are a true Hawke,” I grin.

“Shut up,” she laughs, throwing a pillow at me. “So yeah, I tell him I’m really sorry cause I know he likes Bela and everything and we weren’t trying to mislead him…the whole speech. And he’s just giving me this confused smile the whole time, so I finally stop and think shit, maybe I’m completely off-base here. I had already made a fool of myself, so I just shut up.”

I give her a sympathetic nod. I know that feeling all too well.

“And then…” Beth stops suddenly, blushing. “Then he gives me this smile and says, ‘you are so adorable.’”

“He liked _you_ the whole time?” I burst out. Fuck, I feel like I’m listening to a soap opera.

“I’m getting to that,” Beth laughs, holding up a finger. “So, I start stammering again, and he’s just giving me those puppy dog eyes and I want to crawl under the table because _fuck_ , now I’m thinking about Fenris _like that_ and wondering what it would be like to kiss him and just...everything. Which, naturally, makes me _also_ feel incredibly guilty since, you know, I have a girlfriend that I happen to really like.”

This is so weird. I feel like I’m in another world, but I don’t say anything. Beth is on a roll and I just want to get to the bottom of this.

“But yeah, he just smiles and tells me to relax because he’s ‘not trying to steal me’ or anything,” she says with a huff. “Like, that is _so_ not what I thought I’d be hearing. Then I blurt out, ‘you mean the whole time you liked me and not Bela?’ And he starts laughing, but he doesn’t exactly answer the question. He just says he thinks we’re both amazing and he’s happy for us and he just needed to know where everything stood. And then we left.”

That’s it?

“That doesn’t explain anything,” I frown. So they…aren’t together? I’m so confused.

“I’m not done!” Beth sighs in exasperation, although she’s smiling. She grows serious after a second. “This is where I just need you to keep an open mind, ‘kay?” I nod with a little eyebrow quirk. Nothing has overly fazed me so far, but I guess it’s coming.

“For the next…I don’t know, _week_ or something, I can’t get that conversation out of my head,” she explains. “My feelings for Bela hadn’t changed, but now I suddenly had these feelings for Fen that I had never acted on come rising to the surface. And I felt really shitty for having them at _all_ , so I was just a confused mess. Finally, Bela called me on it.”

She pauses for a second to pick at a piece of thread on her pants.

“She looked really nervous one night and asked if we could talk. I was just…so stressed out that I burst into tears. I thought she was going to break up with me, but turns out she thought I wasn’t happy and wanted to break up with _her_.” She shakes her head a little. “I had been acting so distant because my head was all wrapped up in the Fenris stuff that I didn’t even realize I had been neglecting her.”

“Oh, Bethy,” I sigh, trying to give her a reassuring smile.

“I know,” she grimaces. “So once I finally stop crying I tell her the whole thing, including how horrible I feel about it and reiterating about 500 times that I don’t want to break up. But I felt _so_ much better just getting it off my chest. And she listened patiently the entire time, squeezing my hand and not judging me or getting upset at all. She really is the best…”

Her eyes go distant, and she gets this dreamy expression on her face and I can’t decide if I want to tease her about it or throw up. And she calls _me_ sappy, God. But I just smile instead as she snaps out of it.

“When I finally finish, we both sit there quietly for a few minutes,” she continues. “Bela is still holding my hand, and she looks like she’s deep in thought. I’m still terrified, mind you, because even though I feel better getting it off my chest, I still feel shitty for being this conflicted at all. Then she looks at me and says, ‘have you ever thought that maybe you could love more than one person at a time?’ And I remember pulling away cause, whoa, no one had said the L-word here at _all_ and I was a little freaked by that.”

I was thinking the exact same thing and I think she knows it, based on her smile.

“But then she clarified herself and said she meant it as in care for another person, not necessarily _love_ love. Yet. And no, I hadn’t really thought about it before, but now I was curious. I mean, I knew it was a _thing_ , but never considered it might be _my_ thing. She went home after a while, and I ended up spending the whole night looking things up and really thinking it over. It suddenly made _so_ much sense to me.”

She looks at me so eagerly, sitting forward in her seat a little. She’s practically vibrating with excitement.

“Do you know how great a feeling it is, when you have those little thoughts and feelings always in the back of your head and then suddenly you discover there’s a _word_ for it? Something that explains it all, and you find out there are other people who feel the same way? It’s like that literal light bulb turning on over your head, and then everything becomes so clear and it’s like a weight has been lifted from your body. That’s how I felt that night.”

Beth pauses, giving me a few minutes to kind of let everything sink in. I know what she’s describing…kinda. I always sort of knew I was gay, so I never had that astounding revelation, but I _do_ remember the relief when I finally told my family and they were supportive.

“I do,” I finally respond, nodding. “It’s a really good feeling.”

“Right?” she sighs. “First thing the next morning I send Bela a text that’s basically gibberish telling her to come over so we could talk. Although I made sure she knew it wasn’t like…breakup talk.”

“Just Bela, not Fen?”

“I wanted to talk things out with her first,” Beth explains. “Because if she wasn’t comfortable with it, then I wasn’t going to force it on her.”

I make a small noise of understanding, trying to imagine how I’d feel in the same situation. Probably nervous as hell, no matter what side I was on. Okay, that’s an understatement. I probably would have been terrified.

“You weren’t nervous or anything?” I ask, curiosity getting the best of me.

“I was more excited.” She shrugs. “I mean, I guess I was a little nervous? But it was more like I was so happy over my discovery that I wanted to share it with her.”

I nod. This isn’t the time for me to get deep in thought, but I can’t help but wonder what I would do if Anders approached me with the same situation. Mental note to talk to him about this sometime.

Beth shifts a little to get more comfortable, sitting back in her chair.

“So, Bela comes over and I tell her what I did the night before and what I discovered. I was practically crying by the end.” She grins a little sheepishly. “Bela just hugged me and kept telling me how happy she was for me. But then…I don’t know, I guess I figured it was just kind of implied why I was telling her all this? But I realized maybe I needed to come out and ask her. And I had no idea how to do that.”

“It seems like that would be easy after everything else,” I remark.

“Well, luckily she was the one that brought it up,” Beth says. “After I had calmed down she just sort of smiled at me and said, ‘when are you going to talk to Fen?’ I remember my eyes getting really big and I said something like ‘you want to?’”

She grins again and I smile back, although at this point I really just want to get to the whole “why we all hate Garrett and didn’t tell him any of this” part of the story. But I did ask for the whole thing…

“She wasn’t like…” she pauses for a moment. “I’m trying to think how to say this without making her sound bad.”

“Just say it.”

“She didn’t really have any interest in dating Fen,” she says. “At least not right then. But she wanted me to be happy, so she was willing to…share. I guess.”

This is not at all how I expected the scenario to unfold. I was almost fully convinced this was all revolving around Isabela somehow, not my sister.

“So, you were dating them both, but they weren’t dating each other?” I ask, furrowing my brow.

“There are lots of different ways these relationships can work,” she says, sitting forward again. The eagerness of explaining has returned. “But yeah, that’s what we agreed on at first. If Fenris agreed, too, obviously. If he wasn’t interested then it was a non-issue.”

“Got it.”

“I called Fenris that afternoon and invited him over for lunch after Bela left,” she continues. “And I told him all the same stuff I had told her that morning. I think he was a little thrown off. He wasn’t expecting it at all.”

She grins, blushing a little. I can’t lie, I’m sort of upset that Fenris didn’t come and talk to me about this, even if it _was_ my sister involved. But now I’m starting to see just how far back the whole “we can’t tell Garrett” thing goes. Part of me feels selfish about it, but I can’t help getting annoyed again.

“He told me he needed some time to think about it,” she says. “Which I totally understood. He called me two days later and invited Bela and me out to eat, and we sort of hashed everything out over pizza.”

“And thus is the story of how my little sister started fucking two of my closest friends,” I sigh, sitting back and closing my eyes. I’m just…this is still a little hard for me wrap my head around, even with her explanation.

“Um, well actually…” she starts. I look over at her and see her biting her lip, looking down at her lap.

“What?” I ask, squinting at her.

“Fenris and I aren’t…physically involved.”

“You’re dating.” I frown, brows furrowing again. I don’t get it.

“That doesn’t mean there has to be sex,” she says gently. “We kiss and hug and cuddle and all that stuff, but he’s setting the pace for anything else.”

“What about Bela?”

Beth snorts. “Oh, we do it all the time.”

“ _God_ , not what I meant, Beth!”

She ducks her head, face immediately red.

“Sorry,” she says with a little laugh. “But no. After being together for a little while, Bela and Fen both agreed they wanted to sort of become more…inclusive.” She pauses, pursing her lips. “Is that the right word? I don’t know. I mean they wanted to be in a relationship also, not just linked through me. I feel like I’m not explaining this right…”

“No,” I sigh, waving my hand. “I get it.”

“To answer your question, Bela and Fen are the same as Fen and me.”

I nod but keep quiet, playing with the hem of my shirt. I’m not even sure how to describe my emotions right now. Yes, part of me is happy my friends – and sister – are happy. But I still feel incredibly hurt that I’m just finding out about this _now_ , and she hasn’t even gotten to the “why” part yet.

“Are you okay?” she asks after a moment. I look over at her again and she’s staring back, worried.

“Yeah, I just…can we get to the whole ‘not telling Garrett’ part?”

“Right,” she sighs. “So, we wanted to sort of figure things out on our own first. Give it some time so that when we finally _did_ tell everyone, we’d be able to answer their questions. But by that point, you and Anders had already met and it just…didn’t feel right.”

“You’re going to have to give me more than that, Beth.”

“It’s hard to explain,” she pleads. “By the time we felt like we could tell you, you and Anders were texting and all that. It kinda felt like…I don’t know, like we were trying to steal your spotlight or one-up you or something.”

She gets up and comes over to sit next to me, but I’m petulant enough that I don’t move to face her.

“That was my first thought,” she says. “I was so _happy_ for you. Dating someone like that, I wanted you to enjoy it. We were all so invested in you two getting together, I didn’t want to…I don’t know, take the focus away.”

I just stare at her incredulously for a moment, but she keeps going.

“But then I got jealous,” she admits. “I thought ‘well, he has Anders now. Why would he care about what we’re doing? We’re just background noise.’ I thought you’d just brush us off.”

“That’s such bullshit!” I cry. “How can you even—“

She holds up her hands, telling me to slow down with a pleading look in her eyes. I let out a growl of frustration but stop talking.

“Do you know how many times one of us called or texted you and you ignored it, and your excuse was ‘sorry, Anders distracted me’?” she asks. She doesn’t _sound_ angry, but I’m pretty sure she is. “How I would go weeks where the only contact I had with you was at work? And even there, all we talked about was Anders. I could see it on your face, you would completely zone out if we started to talk about anything else.”

I shake my head. There’s no way I was that bad.

“Fenris said the same thing,” she continues. Her voice is a little softer now, but it’s not making me feel any better. “Even Carver said something to me. _Carver_.”

“But—“

“We _tried_ , Garrett,” she says, cutting me off. “That’s my point. Could we have tried harder? Probably. But we never felt like we had a chance. And after a while, it just felt like…I don’t know…”

“You were scared I was going to have the exact reaction that I did,” I finish for her, more than a little pissed. She looks upset but nods her head anyway.

“Basically.”

Woofy takes that moment to stand up and head towards the back door. I sigh but refuse to look at Beth, getting up to follow my dog.

“I’m going to let Woofy out and get some fresh air,” I tell her. “I’ll be back in a few, don’t leave.”

She nods and Woofy and I go out back, where I take a seat on the steps and just kind of put my head in my hands. I _really_ wish I could talk to Anders right now. I feel like I’m going insane and I have no idea if I’m overreacting or if I was really as bad as she’s making me seem. Not like Anders would know, though, the more I think about it. It’s not like he has anything to base it off of.

I take out my phone and scroll through my messages until I find the name I want.

 **Me:** _honest question_

 **Me:** _have I really been that much of an asshole lately?_

 **Carver:** _lately? lmao_

 **Carver:** _you’re always an asshole_

Why did I even bother?

 **Me:** _I’m being serious_

 **Me:** _I feel like shit but I have no idea if she’s right or not_

I’m sure he knows who the “she” is that I’m referring to. I can see the little indicator that Carver is typing, but it takes a while before I actually get a response.

 **Carver:** _yeah, you’ve been around a lot less and I know it bothered beth that she didn’t talk to you as much. but being in a new relationship can sort of take over your life for a while. beth didn’t have to deal with that cause she was already friends with them_

Did I…did I just get fucking words of wisdom from _Carver_? Thank God I’m already sitting down because I feel like I’m going to faint.

 **Carver:** _but you’re still an asshole_

Aaaand there we go.

 **Me:** _okay, but she didn’t tell you right away either_

 **Me:** _what was your reaction_

 **Carver:** _I was pissed_

 **Carver:** _but then I remembered she’s a fucking adult and I saw how happy she was_

 **Carver:** _and even though she teases me she’s always helped me out with Merrill_

 **Carver:** _so of course I fucking supported her_

 **Carver:** _and you should too_

I sigh, putting down my phone for a minute to pet Woofy, who has suddenly reappeared in front of me. I’m kind of blocking the entire set of stairs so he doesn’t really have a choice but to wait for me to move.

Carver’s right, though, on both counts. Of course I’m going to support her, that was never a question in my mind, but I feel a little better that he knows how consuming a new relationship can be. Even though he and Merrill have been friendly for years, they didn’t really _know_ each other. Not to the extent Beth knows Fenris and Bela.

 **Me:** _of course I support her, don’t be an ass_

 **Me:** _but thanks, you actually helped_

 **Carver:** _omfg I screenshotted that_

I roll my eyes as I stand, putting my phone back in my pocket. His comment makes a good starting point, though, and I fully intend to work this entire thing out with Beth before she leaves.

Woofy heads to his bed in my room this time instead of following me to the living room. Beth gives me a hopeful smile when I return, sitting back in her original seat, and I notice she refilled both our cups while I was gone.

“Fair warning, I texted Carver when I was outside,” I start after I’ve settled down. “Just in case he says anything.” Beth snorts a little but nods.

“So, now that I know pretty much everything – I hope, anyway – I want to give you my side.”

“You do know everything,” she replies immediately. “But okay.”

“First, I just want to say that I am still ridiculously hurt,” I begin. She flinches a little, but I don’t let it stop me. “I don’t…I don’t expect you to tell me everything that happens in your life, but this is a _big_ deal, Beth. And I know you were worried, and it was new and you wanted to be comfortable but I just… How long were you going to hide this from me?”

I swallow the lump in my throat and avoid looking at her face. I wasn’t expecting to get choked up, but now that I’m actually talking about it I can’t help it.

“You know I love you guys more than _anything_ ,” I continue hoarsely. “And I would have dropped whatever I was doing in a fucking heartbeat if I thought you needed me.”

She opens her mouth to argue but I cut her off.

“Even Anders,” I assert. “Bethany, you’re my _sister_. Fenris is my best friend and Isabela is one of my closest friends. Even if I was shocked at first, you _know_ I would have listened to you and supported you. I was distracted when Anders and I first started talking, and I apologize for that. But – as Carver pointed out, mind you – you had the luxury of skipping over the awkward ‘getting to know you’ stage with your relationship. You didn’t have to play the ‘should I text him or am I annoying him?’ or ‘what’s your favorite color?’ game with them. On top of the fact that I was dealing with one of the most famous people in the _world_. Even if I didn’t want it to, it added a whole other level to what I was doing.”

I pause to take a breath but Beth stays quiet, biting her lip and looking at the floor.

“So while I fully acknowledge that I shouldn’t have been so distant, I still don’t think for a second that my relationship with Anders would have distracted me from your situation.” I let out a deep sigh, looking at her.

“You guys really hurt me,” I murmur. “Because I still don’t understand why you thought I wouldn’t care. I care about _everything_ that happens to you, Bethy. Especially something that makes you so happy.”

Beth lets out a little squeak and a second later she’s bursting into tears, covering her face with her hands. I expected it at some point, but it doesn’t mean I wanted it to happen. I walk over and pull her up, wrapping my arms around her as she sobs into my chest.

“I di-didn’t mean to hurt you,” she manages to choke out, although I can barely understand her. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Shhh, it’s okay,” I murmur, hugging her tighter. “I’m sorry, too. It’s going to be okay.”

I let her cry herself out, finally letting her go once she starts to pull away. I grab her a few tissues and bring her back to sit next to me on the couch, giving her a chance to get herself together before I say anything. Woofy also made a reappearance, and he comes over to sniff at her before resting his head on her leg.

“He’s such a good therapist,” she says with a shaky laugh. Woofy just stares at her with his adoring eyes as she scratches behind his ears.

“Listen,” I sigh. “Before we say anything else, I just have to tell you something that you’re probably not prepared to hear.”

She looks at me with wide eyes, and I almost feel a little guilty.

“Carver actually gave me good advice.”

Beth bursts into laughter and I join her, happy it had the desired effect.

“Carver _Hawke_?” she gasps. “My twin brother?”

“The very same,” I reply solemnly.

“I’m sorry.” She shakes her head in mock disbelief. “But this is too much, I can’t believe it.”

“He screenshotted it and everything,” I laugh. “It’ll be his bargaining chip for the rest of the century.”

“What a time to be alive,” she sighs dramatically.

We sit quietly for a few minutes, both kind of lost in our thoughts as we watch Woofy blissfully sit there and get scratched. I’m the one that finally breaks the silence.

“So, I guess you know I already talked to Bela,” I begin. She nods but doesn’t say anything. “So I guess tomorrow I’ll call Fenris and see if he wants to get together and talk.”

“That’s a good idea,” she murmurs, looking over at me. “He’s pretty upset, Gare. He still thinks Anders is using you, even though I told him that’s not the case.”

“He’s definitely not,” I reply with a firm shake of my head. “I’m going to talk to Anders about it tonight because I don’t want to tell his personal business without asking, but I feel like if I explain to Fen where Anders is coming from, maybe it’ll help him understand.”

“I hope so,” she sighs. “He just…really doesn’t like Anders right now. And I know a lot of it is out of protection for you, but I think he was spooked by a few things you told him and, well…”

She shrugs apologetically. I know what she’s implying, and I know Fenris is very attuned now to warning signs of a bad relationship. But Anders and I are _nothing_ like Fenris and his last boyfriend. Not even close. I need to think of a way to get that across to him.

“But hey,” I nudge her a little, changing the subject. “We can go on double dates now.”

Beth cracks up again before giving me a devious grin.

“Triple dates, technically. Can’t leave poor Carver out.”

“Oh my God, you’re right,” I groan. “It doesn’t even count as a date, then. We’re all just hanging out with a higher possibility of kissing.” I pause for a minute. “Maybe we’ll hold off on that for a while. I’m not sure Anders is ready to deal with Carver yet. Or Bela.”

“Worried about Carver trying to kiss Anders?”

I had just taken a sip of my coffee and promptly sprayed it across the room, to Beth’s delight. She’s sitting there cackling as I grab some napkins and try to wipe up the mess. I shoot her a glare but I’m smiling, so there’s no real heat in it.

“Thanks for putting that mental image in my head, I need to go scrub my brain now,” I retort.

Beth just laughs a little more before helping me clean up the rest. She stretches as we leave the kitchen, stopping to grab her purse.  

“I’m really beat, Gare,” she says apologetically. “I think the exhaustion from the last week and the adrenaline from today have finally caught up with me.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I admit. I’m starting to feel it, too. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”

“You bet,” she smiles. I give her another hug at the door.

“I’m really glad we talked,” I tell her. “And if I need to go into protective brother mode, you just let me know.”

“Carver has that covered,” she snorts. “Besides, you know I’m tougher than both of you.” She’s probably not lying.

“Have a safe trip home, Bethy,” I laugh.

Once she’s finally gone I clean the rest of the dishes and let Woofy out one more time before changing and collapsing into bed. It’s late enough that I already have a text from Anders waiting for me.

 **Anders:** _well??_

 **Me:** _it was rough, but we worked it out_

 **Me:** _it’s too much to explain over text_

 **Anders:** _I’m glad, love_

 **Anders:** _I’d tell you to call but I’m ready to pass out_

 **Anders:** _do you open tomorrow?_

 **Me:** _nope, I go in at 10_

 **Anders:** _perfect, I’ll stop by with breakfast and we can talk then?_

He is fantastic.

 **Me:** _sounds great <3_

 **Anders:** _I hate this stupid bed compared to yours_

 **Me:** _shut up, that bed is AMAZING_

 **Anders:** _but you’re not in it_

I feel a pang in my chest at the words. Would it be wrong of me to tell him to come over?

 **Me:** _you could always come here and sleep in my super awesome bed with me_

 **Anders:** _I’m extremely tempted, trust me_

 **Anders:** _tomorrow?_

 **Me:** _absolutely_

We say our goodnights after a bit more hemming and hawing, even though I know we both need our rest.

As soon as I put my phone down, I’m ready to fall asleep. Part of me wants to run through everything that happened tonight, just to get it all straight in my head, but I’m not sure I have the energy right now. I let my mind wander instead, thinking about Anders all alone in that apartment and how I’d _much_ rather he be here when it hits me. I grope blindly for my phone on the nightstand, grinning as I type.

 **Me:** _omg beth, remind me to tell you tomorrow…_

 **Me:** _I HAD DINNER WITH JUSTICE_

The phone rings two seconds later.

“Fuck sleep, you can’t tease me with something like that!” she exclaims on the other end. “Spill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* I don't think Fenris is going to want to talk to Garrett right now.
> 
> Let me know if I need more tags? 
> 
> I've had a lot of people lately ask me how much more we have in this story, and...I don't have a definite answer for you. My original intention was to have this main fic last until the end of this (the story's) baseball season. That's about 2.5 more in-story months but who knows how many chapters that will equal (I do have 3 more after this one outlined as of right now). Buuuut, I also have about 6 one-shots outlined, probably at least one more multi-day challenge, and THE WEDDING FIC, which will definitely be a multi-chapter fic. Tl;dr - I still have a lot more about these nerds that I want to tell, so I'm not stopping anytime soon. If you're still reading, I'm going to hope that's a good thing lol. 
> 
> Thank you all for being patient <3 I'm through the busiest time of year at work, which hopefully means a lot more time for writing! As usual, comments, kudos, etc. are always loved and appreciated. You can find me on [tumblr](http://draco-illius-noctis.tumblr.com/) or on Twitter [@woofyhawke.](https://twitter.com/woofyhawke)


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes a little work (and a little help), but Garrett and Fenris finally have their chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think it was tag-worthy (correct me if I'm wrong) but there are some vague references to Fenris' past abusive relationship towards the end of the chapter.
> 
> Not a thousand percent happy with this chapter, but I'm also not going to keep putting it off for another month to try to figure out why.

“You know Justice is basically your father-in-law now, right?”

Beth is standing next to the cart I’m unloading the next morning, huge grin on her face as she watches.

“Don’t _say_ that!” I groan. “He’s intimidating enough as it is.”

“I think he’s handsome,” she teases, twirling a piece of hair around her finger.

“No more boyfriends!” I yell, nearly throwing a donut at her as she cackles and skips away. She’s never going to let me live this down.

I go back to putting the rest of the donuts in the case, feeling better than I have in a while. It’s such a relief to be back to normal with Beth. And she seems like she’s in a great mood also…we keep catching each other’s eyes and bursting into laughter for absolutely no reason and I love it.

Anders came over this morning before work with coffee and bagels and we lounged around a bit before I had to get ready for work. Even though he never came right out and asked, I told him everything that happened the night before with Beth. I could tell he was nervous, kind of keeping his eyes on his coffee and not really looking at me while I was telling the story. I had to assure him two or three times that things were okay and that she wasn’t upset with either of us, which was weird because I hadn’t really realized how important her approval was to him.

I’m just happy things are out in the open because I _really_ want everything back to normal. Or…on their way to being a new normal. I guess things are going to change whether I like it or not.

“Bodahn just called,” Beth says, shaking me from my thoughts. “He wants to know if you can stay for a bit after your shift is done today.”

I look over at her, squinting in confusion.

“Why?”

She shrugs. “He wants everyone to stay for a meeting. I’m going to call Orana now and let her know.”

A customer comes in, so she’s pulled away, but I think I have a good idea what’s going on. I brush my hands off on my apron once I’m finished, heading back to the kitchen where Sandal is humming to himself as he rolls out a pie crust.

“Hey buddy,” I say as I walk over. “Any idea what this meeting is about today?”

“Ferelden,” he grins.

I frown. That’s not what I was expecting…but then it dawns on me.

“You’re going to Ferelden?” Sandal nods excitedly.

“That’s awesome!” I tell him, smiling. I clap him on the shoulder once before I grab the next set of trays to bring to the front. “You’re going to have a great time.”

He just nods again, going back to his pie and his song. Now I’m definitely impatient for this meeting.

That evening we’re all gathered around two tables we pushed together in the main room, drinking coffee and enjoying some of the day’s leftovers. It’s the first time in a long time that all five of us have been there together.

“Well,” Bodahn says after we’ve made small talk for a while. “Guess I should tell you all why we’re here.”

“Ferelden,” Sandal whispers to me with an excited grin. I wink and give him a thumbs up.

“I see my boy has already told Garrett,” Bodahn chuckles. “We’re going away in a couple of weeks, so we’ll be shutting down shop.”

I try not to cheer as I squirm in my seat, sharing my own excited look with Beth. Every year Bodahn takes a week off to go on vacation and he shuts the entire bakery down. And since Sandal goes with him – and since it’s only been Orana and me in the past – instead of making us scramble to keep up that week, he gives us a paid vacation. He normally goes away much earlier in the summer, so part of me thought he was just skipping it this year. And since I already went on my own mini-vacation to the All-Star Game I wasn’t going to complain.

But now that I know it’s coming, oh _man_ am I excited. I just hope it’s during a week Anders is playing at home so we can spend some time together.

Bodahn gives us the dates, and I want to pull up the schedule on my phone to check, but I figure that’s probably rude so I wait until he’s finished talking. He gives us the whole lecture - how to clean up ahead of time and prep to be shut down, etcetera etcetera. Orana and I already know the drill, so I think this is more for Beth’s sake than anything.

I grab her as soon as the meeting’s done.

“Did you drive?” I ask. The game hasn’t started yet so I thought maybe she’d want to come over to my place and have some dinner and hang out for a bit.

“Nah, um…” she looks nervously out the front door. “Fenris is supposed to pick me up.”

 _Oh_.

I frown, unsure what to do.

“Should I…should I talk to him now?”

“No!” Beth blurts out, eyes wide. She takes a deep breath and tries to smile. “I mean, I think it should be done in private, you know? Not…in the middle of the street.”

I frown again. “But he can’t yell at me if we’re out in public.”

“Um, yes he can,” she snorts, looking at me as if I’m nuts. “Can and will. Trust me, Gare. Just…text him first.”

A short beep comes from outside, signaling her ride is here, and I resist the urge to peek around the door to see him. My stomach sinks, the good mood from today rapidly disappearing. Beth must notice because she reaches out and squeezes my arm.

“It’ll be okay,” she smiles. “Go home and enjoy the rest of your night. Have Anders spoil you.”

She winks and laughs and runs out the door before I can say anything else. My face is burning, but I can’t help but smile a little as I pull out my phone. I know Anders won’t be done for a while yet, but it won’t hurt to leave him a message anyway.

 **Me:** _can’t wait to see you tonight <3_

 **Me:** _I have good news!_

* * *

Anders doesn’t get to my place until around 11. I’m beat, and I know he has to be exhausted, too, but I know neither one of us cares as long as we get to spend the night together. I have some food waiting for him just in case he’s hungry, but he just kind of waves it off and stretches out on the couch.

“We need to get you a bigger couch,” he says, frowning as he tries to get comfortable. “Big enough that we can both fit.”

“We _can_ both fit,” I point out. “When you’re not hogging the whole thing.”

He tugs me down on top of him and I bark out a laugh in surprise. I’m squirming, trying to free myself but he has an iron grip and just keeps pulling me closer so I have no choice but to give in.

“Come cuddle with your boyfriend,” he pouts ridiculously, trying to pull me closer.

“We’re going to break the couch!”

“Good, more reason to buy you a new one.” He grins, tugging on my hair a little so I’ll lean over and give him a kiss.

“I heard there’s a _ton_ of room in my bed for cuddling, if that’s what you’re after.”

“Mmm, possibly,” he murmurs. “But I like being all snuggled together in here.”

“Anders, it’s like 200 degrees outside. If I snuggle on top of you, I’ll give you a heat stroke.”

“I know you’re the hot one, but now you’re just being ridiculous, love.” He smirks and I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but laugh a little.

“So, did you talk to Fenris yet?”

I shift away uncomfortably and shake my head.

“He came to pick up Beth, but she told me to text him instead of just jumping in front of his car or something.” I grimace and pull away a little more.

“Please don’t jump in front of any cars, Garrett,” Anders chides, chuckling.

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t,” he replies, lifting an eyebrow. “I would not put it past you to throw yourself in front of a car.”

“Okay, well, but…” I stammer. “Maybe for _Woofy_ or something. Not for that.”

Anders chuckles and pulls me down for another kiss.

“So, what was your good news?”

“Oh yeah!” I grin, crankiness forgotten. “I’m getting a vacation!”

Anders just looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

“Bodahn is going on vacation so we’re shutting down the bakery,” I explain. “I get a week off with pay. And it’s a week you’re playing at home!”

I’m squirming on the edge of the couch in the little space I have, twisting and gesturing with my hands as I give him the rest of the details. Anders smirks and sits up to give me more room, pulling me into his arms.

“That’s great, love,” he says, kissing the side of my head. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know!” I exclaim, springing out of his arms. “It’s so awesome, I look forward to this every year. I could come see you pitch.”

“Sure you can,” he agrees. “I—“

“And I could come see other games!” I continue, plowing on without listening. “And maybe take Woofy to that dog park a couple towns over, he would love that. And sleep lots, obviously. Oh my God, I forgot to check to see if you had any off days that week. Let me—“

“Garrett, stop,” Anders laughs, giving me a squeeze. “Take a breath.”

“No time for breathing, I need to check the baseball schedule!”

He gently takes the phone out of my hand and puts it on his other side, out of my reach.

“I have off that Thursday, love,” he says, burrowing his face into my neck. He presses a quick kiss there and I can feel him smiling.

“We can have a whole day together if you want,” he continues. “You just let me know.”

“Yes, let’s do something!” I agree, trying to turn to look at him. He’s still holding me tight, though, and his head is preventing me from looking at him, so I stop struggling.

“I’m just really excited,” I pout.

“I know you are,” he chuckles, the vibrations against my skin making me shiver. “But you’re also tired, and I am, too. How about we save this for tomorrow?”

I sigh, knowing he’s right, and tell myself _first thing_ tomorrow I’m going to plan this out.

* * *

I give it another day before I text Fenris. Beth has me paranoid now, and I figure one more day to let him cool off can’t hurt, but by the next evening my fingers are practically itching. I just want this to be _over_.

 **Me:** _hey, want to get together for lunch or dinner tomorrow?_

I sigh in relief now that the initial olive branch has been put out, sitting back on the couch as I turn on the TV. I’m tired after another long day at work and I just want to relax and enjoy the game, but this whole thing has me so anxious I haven’t even eaten dinner yet.

Nearly two hours later and I still don’t have a reply. Granted, he could be busy but like…I don’t know, I guess I figured he might jump at the chance to chat. Like Beth did.

 _Beth_.

 **Me:** _is Fen with you?_

 **Bethany:** _yeah, why?_

 **Me:** _I texted him a while ago and he never answered_

 **Bethany:** _hold on_

I relax a little. Maybe they’re out somewhere and he just didn’t get a chance to check his phone. I’m just making a big deal out of nothing, right? Everything’s going to be fine.

 **Fenris:** _no_

Wait, what?

I gape at the screen for almost half an inning before my emotions come crashing back and hitting me like a punch to the chest. This fucking _hurts_.

 **Me:** _it doesn’t have to be tomorrow?_

 **Me:** _you can pick the day_

 **Fenris:** _no thanks_

I’m not going to get upset. I refuse to let myself to get upset. My eyes are definitely not stinging right now. I switch over to the other conversation.

 **Me:** _he won’t talk to me_

 **Bethany:** _is that why he’s grumbling? Omfg I just told him to not be a dick and answer you_

 **Bethany:** _what did you say?_

 **Me:** _I just asked him if he wanted to get together to eat!_

 **Me:** _all he keeps saying is no_

There’s no response for a few minutes and I fight back the urge to text her and ask what’s going on. I can’t believe he’s being like this…I just want to talk!

 **Bethany** : _soooo…maybe give it a few more days_

 **Bethany:** _I’m going to try to talk to him with Bela in the meantime_

 **Bethany:** _I’m sorry =/_

I glumly tell her it’s not her fault, but I don’t feel any better. This is _Fenris_. Like, yeah, I am well aware that I haven’t exactly jumped every time he’s asked to hang out, but it was never like this. This is just…harsh.

I don’t really have any choice but to listen to Beth’s advice, though, so I toss my phone on the table, curl up on the couch, and hope the baseball game will distract me from my life.

* * *

Beth approaches me at work a couple of days later, and from the look on her face, she’s less than thrilled.

“So,” she begins, hopping up to sit next to the cash register. “Bela and I had a nice little chat with Fen last night.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask casually, not looking at her.

“We basically told him we’re tired of him acting like a cranky old man and he needs to suck it up and talk to you.”

I can’t help but grin a little at that because I can _totally_ picture Fenris waving a cane around and yelling at children to get off his lawn. I don’t care that he’s basically my age, he can be cranky with the best of them.

“He must have taken that well,” I remark. Beth laughs and makes a face.

“Totally,” she says. “But I think he’s at the point where he realizes he needs to get this over with. We all _know_ he’s not going to be mad forever, Gare. He just…needs to vent. I think.”

“He can vent all he wants!” I reply eagerly. “I just want to talk to him.”

Beth shrugs. “I’m not sure if he’s going to reach out to you or if he’s going to wait for you to message him again,” she says. “Up to you how long you want to wait, I guess.”

She barely finishes her sentence before I have my phone out, scrolling until I find his name on my message screen.

 **Garrett:** _hey…lunch tomorrow?_

I look up, frowning.

“Should I add a smiley face or is that too weird?” Beth just shakes her head, so I click send.

We both go about our business, although I check my phone pretty much every five seconds to see if I have a response. The customers start coming in so I’m slightly distracted trying to help Beth behind the counter, but I feel my phone vibrate about 20 minutes later.

 **Fenris:** _where?_

“He answered,” I whisper to Beth with a grin. She chuckles and shakes her head. I’m _excited_ , okay?

 **Me:** _usual place?_

 **Fenris:** _okay_

“He said yes!” I shout with a cheer. The woman behind the counter raises her eyebrows, looking at me as Beth hands her her change. She takes her bag and then walks a little closer to me, smiling.

“Have a nice date, dear,” she whispers conspiratorially.

I just stare at her in confusion as Beth cackles next to me until it dawns on me what I must have sounded like. I can feel my face turn red, but I smile back, trying to be polite.

“He was talking to _my_ boyfriend,” Beth cuts in before I can say anything, still laughing. “Don’t give him any ideas.”

The other woman takes it in stride, laughing along with Beth. They chat for another couple of minutes and I use it as an excuse to make my escape, texting Fenris one last time.

 **Me:** _awesome :)) see you then_

* * *

Anders comes over after the game that night, looking tired but happy to see me. I kind of feel bad for making him stop over here every night, but as soon as I bring it up he tells me to be quiet.

“Love, you’re not ‘forcing’ me to come here,” he laughs. “I told you, I’d much rather come here and see you than go home to my empty apartment.”

He reclines on the couch, grabbing a pillow to put between his head and my lap as he gets comfortable. He looks up at me with a sleepy smile as soon as he gets settled, and I take the chance to run my fingers through his loose hair. We stay like that for a few minutes and he eventually closes his eyes, soothed by my fingers on his scalp.

“So…I talked to Fenris today,” I say after a while. His eyes pop open and he gives me a hopeful expression.

“A good talk?”

“Well, we just agreed to meet for lunch tomorrow…so hopefully it’ll be a good talk.”

He turns his head so he can plant a quick kiss on my hand, smiling.

“I’m glad,” he says. “I’ll be around until one or so if you need moral support.”

“Yeah, about that…” I begin, shifting uncomfortably. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Should I sit up for this?”

He doesn’t wait for me to answer, doing it anyway with a worried frown.

“It’s nothing bad,” I say quickly. “At least, I hope not. I just…”

“Just tell me, love,” he murmurs, now more confused than worried.

“I wanted to know how much of…what you told me I can tell Fenris. About Karl, I mean.”

I kind of mumble the words out, not looking at him. Anders doesn’t answer right away, which only serves to make me start worrying I said something wrong, but when I look at him he just looks deep in thought.

“I’m not sure how to answer that,” he says quietly after a bit. “Do you think you’ll _need_ to tell him?”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “Probably not? You know I told Beth the abbreviated version, but she swore she hasn’t repeated it. I wanted to ask, though…just to be safe.” I pause, biting my lip before taking his hand.

“I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you can trust Fen,” I murmur. “Even if things…I don’t know, go bad, he’d never say anything.”

Anders doesn’t look convinced, and I know what I said didn’t exactly _sound_ convincing, but I have to try.

“I’m not going to volunteer the information,” I tell him. “I just also don’t want it to seem like I’m hiding anything, you know? It’s not my story to tell, and I don’t want to tell it for you. But I’m losing my best friend over shitty communication…I don’t want to do it again.”

I take my hand back, playing with a hole in my jeans as I wait for him to reply. I feel like crap, like I’m trying to invade his privacy or something, but I feel so selfish at the same time. I just want Fenris back. I shouldn’t have to choose.

Anders sighs after another minute, leaning over to wedge an arm between me and the couch to loop around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

“I understand, love,” he says. “I know how much this means to you. I’ll let you use your judgment.”

I look at him, surprised at his choice of words. He takes the chance to give me a quick kiss.

“I trust you,” he whispers, smiling. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

I pull him tight against me, burying my face in his hair as I fight back the emotions welling up in my chest.

“Never.”

* * *

I barely sleep that night, and I feel bad because I’m pretty sure I woke Anders up a few times with my tossing and turning. I’m just so nervous; I need this conversation to go _right_. I have to open in the morning, too, so I think I end up getting about three hours of sleep before I have to pull myself out of bed.

Beth doesn’t come in until mid-morning, but I can tell she’s almost as nervous as I am.

“Did you talk to him or anything last night?” I ask her when we have a minute alone.

“I was afraid to bring it up,” she admits, a little sheepishly. “I didn’t want to ruin anything accidentally.”

I sigh, nodding.

“If it makes you feel any better, he seemed to be in a good mood before he went home,” she offers. I reach out and tug on her hair, causing her to yelp and jump back.

“Who wouldn’t be in a good mood hanging around my delightful little sister?” I tease in an attempt to distract myself.

“Carver was there, too,” she laughs, skipping away from me. I stop, giving her a dubious look.

“He was hanging out with you guys?”

“No, I just meant his sunny personality was in the house,” she grins. “I heard him yelling about something at some point, but I was too lazy to find out what it was. I’m pretty sure Fenris just tunes it out.”

I snort, shaking my head. It’s a very weird image in my head, imagining them hanging out on the couch, watching TV without me.  

At least, that’s what I’m going to tell myself they were doing. I glance quickly in her direction, but she isn’t looking at me, wiping down the counter. I swear, she must be able to read my mind, though.

“We watched that new sci-fi movie on cable,” she says. “It sucked, don’t bother.”

“Anders isn’t really a sci-fi fan anyway,” I chuckle. I feel a little better, at least.

The time drags, even with Beth there to help distract me. I sprint to the front every time I hear the jingle of the door, even though it’s never him.

So, naturally, once I finally get myself settled and into a routine helping Sandal, Fenris shows up. I hear Beth giggle out front and know she couldn’t possibly be talking to a customer like that, so I wipe off my hands and casually head out there.

Fen is standing with his hands in his pockets, smirking at something Beth is saying. I have no idea what she’s talking about, but she’s flailing her arms around in true Hawke fashion and I feel a pang in my chest suddenly because they both look so _happy_. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Fenris look at someone the way he’s looking at my sister right now.

I finally clear my throat, although I’m not exactly easy to hide. I just didn’t want to barge into the middle of their conversation.

Beth smiles at me when she turns around, but I see Fenris stiffen a little. He only looks at me briefly, smile gone as he crosses his arms.

“Have fun, guys,” Beth says brightly, giving me a hopeful look. “See you in a little while.”

I don’t say anything, slowly taking my apron off and hanging it in the back. Now that he’s here I’m even more nervous. How is that _possible_? I feel like we have everything and nothing to talk about, but I have no idea where to start.

“Ready?” I ask with a smile when I come back out front. He nods but still doesn’t say anything. Beth comes out from behind the counter under the guise of wiping down the tables, but I see her kick Fenris’ calf in warning as she walks by.

“Would you like anything?” he asks her, the two of them sharing an unreadable look.

“Nope!” she replies cheerfully. “You two spend _all_ the time you need enjoying your food, I’ll hold down the fort.”

She shoots him another look and he sighs in exasperation, finally looking at me.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

We head to the deli down the street, barely talking at all along the way. It’s not a far walk, luckily, so I’m content to be quiet until we’re settled with our food. Once we get there, however, Fenris tells me he doesn’t want to eat in the building.

“It’s too busy here,” he says, scrunching his nose a little. I’m not exactly sure what to say…we eat at a booth _all_ the time.

“Um…okay,” I relent. “We can get our food and…I don’t know, go to the park down the street?”

He seems okay with this, so we both order and make the five or so minute walk. It’s not really a “park” in the sense of the word, just kind of a plot of grass with a few trees and benches in the middle of the city. I think it’s just somewhere nice for people who want to eat outside, even if I never come here myself.

Luckily, there aren’t too many people here today, so we have our choice of seats. Even once we get settled, though, he doesn’t make a move to speak.

“So, um…how are you?” I ask after a few minutes. He’s barely even _looked_ at me.

“Fine.”

I pause, waiting for him to say something else, but he just takes another bite of his sandwich and looks around.

“Taken any good pictures lately?”

“Not really.”

Okay, this is _not_ going well so far. How am I supposed to talk this out with him if he won’t _talk_?

“Beth said you guys watched that new sci-fi movie the other night,” I say, hoping maybe the mention of Beth will make him open up. “Was it as bad as she said?”

“Probably.”

I let out a quiet growl of frustration and fight back the urge to throw my sandwich at his face.

I stay quiet for a few minutes, slowly eating my food and hoping he’ll be the one to speak this time. But my patience is getting thin the longer he’s silent, until I eventually just twist to stare at him. He doesn’t react, keeping his eyes on his food as he eats.

“Will you _say_ something?” I demand.

He finally glances my way, glaring.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything!” I cry. “We can’t fix this if you won’t talk!”

“We can’t fix this as long as you insist on being an idiot,” he snaps. “So let’s get that out of the way right now.”

I blink at him, mouth open in honest shock for a few moments. _Excuse_ me?

“Ummm…” I start, furrowing my brow and struggling to find the right words. “I’m still not entirely sure why you’re even mad, so why don’t we—“

“ _You don’t know why I’m upset?_ ” he shouts, looking at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. I scoot a couple of inches away to give him space…he looks pissed.

“Hawke, how can you…” He shakes his head, taking a deep breath.

“Listen,” I begin. “I know you don’t like Anders, but if you just—“

“I don’t like him because he’s _not a good person_ ,” Fenris grits out. “Are you so _blind_ that you still can’t see that?”

“That’s not true!” I insist. I toss my forgotten sandwich onto the bench next to me, turning to face him more. “We talked about everything, he _knows_ what he did was wrong and apologized. I understand now!”

“There’s nothing to understand,” Fenris growls. “He’s using you, treating you like crap and making up excuses to string you along. You’re only going to end up hurt and hateful when he finally leaves.”

“He’s _not_ using me,” I cry. “He just…just didn’t know how to act.”

Fenris opens his mouth, ready to cut me off but I need to get this out before he can.

“I know that sounds like a ridiculous statement,” I say quickly. “But it’s true. He…I don’t want to get into all the details right now, but he lost someone close to him. It was _traumatizing_. And he’s been dealing with the aftereffects of that trauma ever since. I just thought of all people _you_ would understand how that can be.”

Fenris looks like I just slapped him and I hate myself for even saying what I just did. It was a low blow to get a reaction and even though it worked, I kind of wish it hadn’t.

He doesn’t immediately say anything, although I can tell he’s angry. I sigh, hoping maybe I can take some of the sting away.

“I’m sorry, I…I know I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You’d compare what I went through to _him_?” he asks, quiet rage in his voice.

“It wasn’t the same,” I tell him. “But it was traumatic. He lost the only person he ever cared about, Fen. Well, besides Justice. And me…” I shake my head. This isn’t the time to derail.

“What I’m saying is, he went through an extremely painful experience and it’s shaped the way he’s treated everyone since. And yeah, what happened between us is partially his fault, I’m not saying he’s blameless but like…” This is already _so_ frustrating. I wish I knew how to talk properly.

“So you admit that he’s the one at fault?” Fenris asks, still squinting at me.

“I never said he wasn’t to blame,” I snap. “I’m just trying to tell you _why_.” I’m taking his silence as permission to keep going.

“I’m the first relationship he’s had since the last one ended almost a decade ago,” I say, calmer now. “He went from…I don’t know, he has no family, had _no one_ at that point, and this relationship was everything to him. And then…” I pause, huffing out a breath in frustration, hoping I’m not letting too much information slip out.

“His boyfriend died, Fen, and Anders _still_ thinks it’s his fault. Can’t you see how that would mess him up? He didn’t know how to act, so he kept everyone at a distance. His life has changed _so_ much in between then and now, but he just…I don’t know, didn’t know how to change with it.”

Fenris is quiet, looking down at his hands as he thinks.

“That doesn’t give him the right to treat you like crap,” he eventually says. “People like that _don’t_ change, Hawke. They just cover it up with lies until you believe them.”

He has this pinched look on his face that I only see for a split second until he looks away. _God_ , I feel like shit. I can tell he’s hurting right now, and the last thing I wanted was to bring up these memories and throw him back into that world, but he has to understand this isn’t the same thing.

“I know what you’re saying, Fen,” I reply quietly. “You _know_ I know what you’re talking about. But you have to trust me when I say Anders is nothing like Danarius.”

I bite my lip, hating myself all over again for even saying the name, but we’re here. We’re at the point where this friendship is either going to start to mend, or it’s broken forever.

He stiffens as soon as I say the name, inhaling sharply through his nose and closing his eyes. I give him a minute, listening to him count his breaths until he seems reasonably calm.

“How.”

He says it so quietly I’m not even sure _what_ he says at first. It’s not even a question…more like a statement of disbelief.

“He didn’t mean to hurt me,” I start, keeping my voice soft. “That alone should be worth something. I know it’s my word against your feelings, Fen, but you have to trust me when I say none of this was intentional. That alone should be the biggest difference.”

He doesn’t say anything – doesn’t even _look_ at me – so I keep going.

“He knows he was wrong,” I continue. “He didn’t try to excuse his behavior, he just…we just talked. He explained and, honestly, Fen, I feel like you two would really understand each other.”

He gives me another sharp look and I know I’m bordering on dangerous territory.

“I’m not saying you have to be friends,” I add quickly. “I’d never force you to be around him if he made you uncomfortable or anything, and I know he’ll keep his distance if you want him too. You don’t have to _like_ him. I just…want you to keep liking me.”

God, I sound so fucking _lame_. I put my head down, rubbing the back of my neck as I look away. I’m not sure there’s anything else I can say at this point. I’ll answer any questions he has, but I think I’ve said my piece. My entire insides are clenched tightly, just waiting for the rejection I know is coming.

A minute later, though, I hear quiet chuckling

“I’m glad at least _you_ haven’t changed, Hawke.”

I whip my head around, giving him a huge, hopeful grin. He’s smirking, shaking his head.

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not,” I admit. He just shrugs.

“The only consistencies in the world are the sun rising, setting, and my best friend being a complete dork.”

I burst into loud, overjoyed laughter, startling some nearby birds. He said _best friend!_ He doesn’t hate me! I want to reach over and hug him, and he can probably tell what I’m thinking because he leans a little away from me.

“I’m _not_ going to be offended by that,” I laugh. His cheeks redden a little and he smiles, shaking his head. His face grows serious after a minute, though, and he looks at me with a grim expression.

“I still don’t agree with you, Hawke,” he says. My mood plummets almost immediately.  

“Do you…” I swallow, trying to think of the right words. “Do you think it’s something we can fix?”

“I…am willing to try,” he says reluctantly after a moment.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” I reply eagerly. “Just give him a chance.”

“No,” Fenris says, shaking his head. “I don’t want to know him. I don’t even want to be _around_ him until I get used to this idea. I meant I want our friendship back.”

Oh.

I’m…honestly not sure what to say to that. Am I supposed to keep them apart forever? Because that’s not going to work.

But maybe now isn’t the time to work out those details. Maybe he just needs some time to see that I’m telling the truth and he’ll come around. Introduce them formally and just hang out in small doses. With Beth’s help, this could definitely work.

I nod, giving him a small smile.

“I want that, too,” I tell him. “And I just…for my part, I want to say I’m sorry that you and Beth didn’t feel like you could tell me about everything. She gave me all the details.”

“I heard Isabela gave you quite an earful, as well.” He’s smirking as I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, well, let’s just say I’m happy she only gave me the abridged version,” I grimace. “I’m pretty sure the real one would have contained _way_ more details than I’ll ever want or need.”

He just hums in amusement and goes back to his sandwich. I still feel like…I don’t know, like I haven’t said enough.

“But I told Beth, and I’m going to tell you, too,” I continue. “Just…talk to me. I’ll always make time to listen to you guys.”

He nods and continues chewing, finally looking at me once he’s finished.

“She told me about your conversation,” he says.

I wait for him to say something else, but he doesn’t, and…I’m not sure how to interpret that. Does he not believe me?

“I’m glad,” I respond. “I mean, I figured she probably would, but it saves us the time of hashing through that ourselves. Unless…you want to?” Should I have brought this up first?

He shakes his head, though, giving me a half smile.

“I know you didn’t have ill intentions, Hawke,” he says. “But I’m glad you’re aware of it now, at least. I’ll just make sure one of us smacks you over the head if we need to get your attention.”

“As long as you all stop sneaking around behind my back, we’ll be okay,” I shoot back, although my tone is mostly kidding. Mostly. He only gives me a quick look out of the corner of his eyes and a brief nod, so I’m taking that as an agreement.

I pick my sandwich back up and we finish in silence, my hour almost up. I’m kind of reluctant to go back…I feel like there’s _so_ much I have to catch up on now that we’re talking again. I’m stuck at work for the rest of the day, so it’ll have to wait, I guess.

We throw away our trash and begin the trek back, walking a little slower than usual thanks to my trudging along.

“So,” I start after a few minutes. “You want to get together for dinner or something this weekend?”

“Perhaps.”

“Anders is on a road trip and I only work the morning on Saturday,” I tell him. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m _only_ hanging out with him because Anders is gone – which isn’t true – but maybe he’ll feel better knowing there’s no chance of them running into each other.

“Bethany is working the afternoon, then, I assume?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “We can…wait for her, or whatever. If you want. Invite Bela, too.”

I pause for a minute, thinking.

“Then I guess we would need to invite Carver and Merrill, so they don’t feel left out. So maybe we should just—“

“We don’t need to,” he interrupts, shaking his head. “I have no plans, I was just curious. Meet at your house?”

“Sure.” I grin, nearly sighing in relief. “We can decide what to do from there. I’ll text you.”

We’re just about back at the bakery so I walk a little slower, debating asking the question that’s been on the tip of my tongue the whole afternoon.

“So, Fen…” I begin, nervously looking at the ground. He stops in front of me, raising an eyebrow.

“I was just wondering, um…” God, this is more awkward than I expected.

“I was just wondering if you’re, you know…happy.”

It sounds so lame coming out of my mouth. _Please, Fenris, discuss your feelings with me in the middle of this crowded street at lunchtime, not weird at all!_

His face softens a little and he chuckles quietly.

“Is this the big brother speech?” he smirks.

“No!” I cry, eyes wide. “I just legitimately want to know if you’re happy. Bela seems to be and I know Beth is over the moon, so…you know…”

“I am,” he says with another small smile. “Thank you. Maybe we can talk about it more this weekend.”

“Deal,” I laugh. I think about it for a moment, then pull him into a brief hug. I know he’s not huge on lengthy bouts of affection but I’m so _happy_ right now. He can indulge my enthusiasm for once.

“Get back to work, Hawke,” he huffs with a smile, pushing me towards the door after a moment. “Don’t leave your poor sister to do all the work alone.”

“You mean your _girlfriend_ ,” I tease in a sing-song voice.

“Are you five?” he asks, rolling his eyes. “Go before I change my mind about dinner.”

He starts to walk away, waving at me briefly.

“You know you missed me!” I call after him.

He doesn’t turn back around, stuffing his hands into his pockets and shaking his head again as he walks faster. I can’t help but grin as I walk back inside. Things are _finally_ getting back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think (whether Garrett realizes it or not) it was better for them to wait until things cooled down a little cause I feel like this conversation would have gone a loooot worse otherwise. Garrett was a little harsh, but I think if he was angrier it would have gone off the rails a lot faster. Fenris really isn't ready to forgive and/or forget, but he also really misses his best friend. Don't expect any pleasant Anders/Fenris interaction for a little while. If you've read 24 Days of Handers you know that even at Christmas, a good 5 months after this chapter takes place, things are still pretty tense between them.
> 
> Garrett IS definitely going to try his damnedest to make things right with everyone again. AND to enjoy his upcoming week off...
> 
> Comments, kudos, etc. are always appreciated :) Thank you all again for all your support and love, things have been tough lately and it means a lot <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett and Fenris hang out; Anders is _finally_ home; Garrett manages to get the entire gang to go to the game...with an extra guest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAVE A CHAPTER <3
> 
> Apologies for any mistakes, I gave it a couple edits/read-throughs but I still feel like I missed something

Anders leaves for a road trip Friday morning, and for possibly the first time ever I’m not thrown into a funk as soon as he’s gone. I miss him like crazy, sure, but I’m also really looking forward to spending some time with Fenris this weekend and hopefully keep mending our relationship.

I text Fenris Saturday morning from work just to double check that he hasn’t had a change of heart.

 **Me:** _do you want to go out or stay in tonight?_

I figure I’ll let him set the pace…I don’t really care what we do either way.

 **Fenris:** _let’s go to Bianca’s_

My eyebrows raise as I read the response, not quite expecting such a “going out” going out answer. Not that Bianca’s is fancy or anything, but it’s more of our group place than somewhere the two of us would go on our own.

 **Me:** _that’s cool_

 **Me:** _should I invite the others?_

 **Fenris:** _Isabela’s working late so she can’t come. You can ask Bethany if you’d like._

 **Fenris:** _up to you about anyone else_

I’d rather not turn this into a whole _thing_ right now while we’re still on fragile terms, so I decide to just ask Beth.

“Hey Bethy, what are you doing tonight?”

She shoots me a suspicious look as she changes the coffee filters.

“Are you asking me to dog sit, Gare? Cause as much as I love Woofy, I’m _really_ beat from this week—”

“No!” I cut her off with a laugh. “Fenris and I are going to Bianca’s and wanted to know if you wanted to join us.”

“Bela’s working tonight.” She frowns. “I’d feel bad going without her.”

I roll my eyes, taking my phone out.

“I really don’t think she’d care,” I tell her. “But if it bothers you I can text her and ask.”

She bites her lip, seemingly weighing her decision before she finally shakes her head.

“Nah, I think I’m just gonna stay in,” she says. “I really am tired. Maybe with everyone else out I can finally catch up on my missing sleep.” She gives me a smile and I feel a little better. I just didn’t want her to feel lonely.

“You still have Carver to contend with,” I point out. She shakes her head again.

“Saturday is date night,” she says with a grin and exaggerated eyebrow wiggle.

I let out a dramatic gasp, pretending to swoon.

“Which fast food place will he grace with his presence this weekend?”

Beth giggles, swatting me lightly with her towel.

“Carver actually plans _nice_ dates,” she says. I squint at her, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. Carver doesn’t _plan_ anything. I just picture him wandering aimlessly all day until he stumbles into something and decides to rest there for a while.

Beth just grins wider at my expression.

“He and Merrill went on a picnic a couple weekends ago, and then stayed for one of those free movies in the park,” she starts, counting off on her fingers. “Another time he took her antique shopping in Wildervale. Oh, and just last weekend they spent the whole day at the Kirkwall Zoo.”

I gasp again, for a whole different reason this time.

 _The Kirkwall Zoo!_ That would be a perfect way to spend one of my days off! Preferably with Anders, since Woofy isn’t allowed inside, but I haven’t been there in _forever_ so it sounds amazing right about now.

“Tell Carver I said ‘good job,’” I tell Beth, not bothering to explain my train of thought.

She scrunches up her nose at me. “What for?”

“Don’t tell him why,” I reply with a grin. “Just tell him I said it.”

I hear her mutter “you’re so weird” under her breath as she walks away but I just smile and head back to the kitchen to help Sandal, mind full of brand new ideas for my week off. But first…I need to think about tonight.

* * *

Fenris suggests we just meet at Bianca’s since we’re coming from opposite sides of town, so by the time I show up I see he’s already there, a half-empty drink in front of him as he watches something on the TV above the bar. I slide onto the stool next to him.

“Hey.” I give him a small wave as I sit, Fen nodding back in greeting. “You been here long?”

“A little while,” he admits, glancing around. “I…had something I wanted to do first.”

I frown, opening my mouth to ask if something’s wrong when I hear my name ringing out from the other side of the bar.

“Hawke!” Varric shouts, sauntering over with his usual friendly smirk. “How’s my favorite baseball lover?”

“Hey, Varric,” I laugh, reaching out to shake his hand. “How’s my favorite bartender?”

Varric gasps, clutching his hand to his chest. His prominently displayed chest.

“Is that all I am to you, Hawke?” he cries. “I’m hurt.”

I just roll my eyes, still grinning, and put in my drink order before turning to Fenris again.

“Is everything okay?”

He looks confused for a moment before realization dawns on him and he nods his head.

“Everything’s fine,” he says. “It’s…do you want to get a table or stay here?”

“Booth’s probably more comfortable,” I say, looking around the room. It’s still fairly early so not all of them are taken, but on a Saturday night I know it won’t stay that way for long. “Let’s grab one while we can.”

After I grab my drink, we head over to a smaller booth on the other side of the room. The waitress comes over and takes our food orders and as soon as she’s gone, I turn back to Fenris with an expectant stare. He looks down at the table for a moment before shaking his head, slight smile on his face.

“Isabela applied for a job here,” he says. “As a manager. A step below Varric, I believe.”

I know I must look surprised because he chuckles.

“Don’t look so shocked, Hawke,” he teases. “She’s an honest woman.”

“I _know_ that,” I scoff. “I know she works.” I mean, I assumed she worked. She’s always so…vague about everything. But I had no idea she would even be interested in something like this. It’s a big responsibility, but the more I think about it, the more I can see her fitting in. Her personality mixed with Varric’s would have people flocking to the bar. But that still doesn’t explain Fenris’ role in the whole thing.

“What did you have to do with any of this, though?” I ask him. “Were you like…a reference?”

He actually laughs this time although I see him blushing. He shakes his head again, looking back at the table as he picks up a straw to play with. The blush is spreading up his cheeks, sticking out pretty prominently against the whiteness of his hair.

“I was just…making sure it was appropriate,” he mumbles. Now _I’m_ the one laughing.

“You’re worried about _Isabela_?” I cry, still grinning.

“I wasn’t worried, per se,” he replies. He sits up, scowling a little defensively. “I’ve just never looked at it as a potential place of employment before. I wanted to examine things a little closer.”

“You’re looking out for her, that’s _adorable_ ,” I croon. Oh man, I can’t wait to tell…well, Beth probably already knows, but I can’t wait to tell _someone_ about this. I guess Anders will have to do. Even though I doubt he’ll care.  

Fenris just scowls deeper, crossing his arms over his chest, so I pull back a little. I don’t need to piss him off already. I’m supposed to be doing the opposite.

“Sorry,” I shrug, hoping I look contrite. “I think it’s great, though. Bela would be a great addition here. I hope the pay is good or I’ll have to threaten Varric.”

He snorts and the scowl disappears, so I feel a little better. _Good job not fucking this up, Garrett_.

“I’m sure she will negotiate her pay if she’s not happy,” he smirks.

“She totally will,” I agree. “And it’ll give us an excuse to come hang out here more often!”

Fenris nods again, taking a drink as he looks around the room and we fall into silence for a few moments. It’s not uncomfortable, but I _do_ want to actually catch up with him.

“Soooo,” I start, “tell me everything you’ve done every minute of every day for the last few weeks.”

I grin as he sighs, covering his face with a hand. I really _have_ missed him.

* * *

We shut down the bakery the following Sunday and we’re as giddy as kids on the last day of school. There’s an upbeat mood in the air the entire day and we spend half of our time just goofing off and laughing with each other. We have to stay a couple of hours late that evening just to make sure everything is in order, but none of us mind knowing that we have the next seven days off.

I wake up Monday way earlier than I actually need to, but I’m so excited I can’t stay in bed. Anders is finally flying home today and my plan is to lounge around the house and be lazy while I plan out my week and wait for him to get home.

Woofy is thrilled when he realizes I’ll be home with him all day and I decide to take him to the park for a few hours to kill some time. Might as well spoil him while I’m at it.

As he’s busy chasing the ducks instead of the sticks I’m throwing, I try and think about how much of my week I want to spend actually doing anything. Anders and I had talked about it a little over the phone but we hadn’t set anything in stone because he wanted to see what other plans I came up with.

Anders is pitching Wednesday, so I figure I’ll go to that game and see if anyone wants to come along. I don’t mind going alone if I have to, but worst case I could always see if Neria is going. Thursday Anders has off and I _really_ want to go to the zoo, but I have to see if he’s up for it. He’s the one that’ll be tired after playing Wednesday and I don’t want to force him into anything if he’d rather relax. Otherwise…I’m pretty content to just hang out with Woofy and watch a lot of baseball.

Not long after Woofy and I get home from the park, I get a text from Beth asking what I’m up to.

 **Bethany:** _I don’t know what to do with all my free time lol_

 **Bethany:** _what are you doing?_

 **Me:** _just got back from the park. Woofy had a blast_

 **Bethany:** _are you going to the game tomorrow?_

I wasn’t planning on it, mainly since I already knew I was going Wednesday. It’s one of those short two-game series they’re playing and it just didn’t seem overly important to me aside from Anders being home.

 **Me:** _nope but I’m going Wednesday when he pitches_

 **Me:** _wanna go?_

I feel like I’ve mentioned it to her before, but I can’t remember.

 **Bethany:** _sure! Who else is going? Did you invite Fenris? Carver?_

Ahh yes, her second and third favorite men. Well, third and fourth, if you count Woofy as second. As she should.

 **Me:** _I haven’t yet but I will!_

 **Me:** _let me send a group text_

If I’m going to ask one, I might as well ask them all.

 **Me:** _Hey guys! If anyone is interested, I’m going to the game tomorrow. The box is open, I just need a headcount so I know how many tickets. Anders is pitching :D_

Literally one second after I hit send I wish I hadn’t. I shouldn’t have mentioned Anders. Fenris is in the group chat, obviously, and I don’t want to piss him off by accident. Hell, he might not even want to go if it means being within a mile radius of my boyfriend.

 **Bethany:** _well you know I’m in lol_

 **Bethany:** _I think Carver is out to lunch with Merrill so you’ll probably hear from both of them soon_

I’m kind of going on the assumption that everyone says yes at this point, but I’m worried about Fenris. Maybe I should tell Beth and see if she can do some damage control on my behalf.

 **Me:** _so um…I realized I probably shouldn’t have mentioned Anders. Do you think Fen will want to go?_

 **Bethany:** _he actually just texted me, hold on_

Great. I’m probably too late. I sigh, sitting back heavily on the couch. It’s not like he has to _talk_ to Anders. He doesn’t even have to look at him if he doesn’t want to! I’m just still not entirely sure how deep his resentment goes.

 **Carver:** _we’ll go_

Okay, so three in the definite yes column. There was no way Carver was passing up free food.

 **Isabela** : _only if u buy me a beer or 2 ;)_

 **Me:** _I’ll even throw in some popcorn_

It’s all free, what is she talking about.

 **Isabela** : _u know how to spoil a girl! I’ll b there_

Fenris _has_ to go now, right? I’m tempted to text Beth and ask what’s going on with him but I don’t want to seem pushy. I’ll just…chill out and watch a movie or something in the meantime. I’m sure she’ll text me soon.

Sure enough, my phone buzzes about five minutes later.

 **Carver** : _we should bring mom_

Huh?

 **Me** : _bring mom where? The game?_

 **Carver** : _no, to the moon_

 **Carver** : _of course to the game, jackass_

 **Carver** : _when was the last time she’s been? I bet she would like it, all of us together_

 **Carver** : _and she can see your darling anders in person_

Like he has room to talk about “darling” anything. I’ve seen the way my mom coos over Merrill, she adores her. Maybe he just wants some of the attention off of them for a while. And, even though I can’t believe I’m saying this, it’s actually a pretty good idea. Mom _would_ be thrilled, spending the evening with her kids and practically adopted kids. I guess Carver being the favorite finally paid off…we can do something really nice for her.

 **Me** : _I’m going to ignore half of what you said but I agree_

 **Me** : _I’m sure Beth will be on board, too_

 **Me** : _do you want to ask Mom or you want me to?_

 **Carver** : _I’m not home so up to you_

 **Me:** _I’ll do it, then. Let me tell Beth first_

It’s probably better coming from me anyway, but you never know with Carver. He could either not want to be bothered or he could get mad since it was his idea. It’s usually less trouble for me to just ask him first.

 **Me:** _sooo Carver suggested bringing mom to the game_

 **Me:** _I thought it was cool, what about you?_

She takes a little while to respond which makes me nervous for basically no reason other than my paranoia about Fenris. I take the chance to grab a snack and double check Anders’ flight time. He should be home in about an hour and I wanted to have this all sorted out by then. Only so I can give him my full attention.

About 20 minutes later I finally get a response.

 **Bethany:** _first, I think that’s an AWESOME idea omg_

 **Bethany:** _Mom will love it. Did you ask her yet?_

 **Me:** _nope, I wanted to talk to you first. I’ll call her_

 **Bethany:** _okay and second, I think Fenris is coming_

She thinks?

 **Me:** _what happened?_

 **Bethany:** _he’s just being grouchy_

 **Bethany:** _more Anders talk, etc. etc._

 **Bethany:** _but we told him everyone else was going and it wasn’t a big deal_

 **Me:** _exactly!! He doesn’t even have to look at the field if he doesn’t want to!_

 **Bethany:** _that’s basically what we said lol_

 **Bethany:** _he’s trying, Gare_

I want to grumble more about this but I know she’s right. And with everyone there it’ll definitely be more of “us hanging out together” rather than “us watching Anders together” this time around. I’m hoping for his sake, anyway. I can totally balance watching my boyfriend pitch along with making sure my best friend doesn’t charge the field. Right?

 **Me:** _I know, I know. It’s cool_

 **Me:** _I’m just happy he’s going_

 **Bethany:** _me too! Let me know what mom says_

 **Me:** _will do_

I figure I might as well call my mom now and see what she says since I have a feeling once Anders gets home I’m going to be completely distracted for the rest of the evening. And at least this way I can text Beth and Carver back so we can figure out rides and everything.

“Hi honey,” she greets as soon as she picks up.

“Mom, we had the _best_ idea.” Better to oversell this in case she’s not as excited as we are. “How would you like to come to the Champions game on Wednesday with us? Anders is pitching and we can use his private box, it’ll be _so_ fun.”

“His what?”

I sigh. I forget my mom is basically clueless when it comes to these things.

“He has private seats, mom,” I explain patiently. “Like a whole special room where we can watch the game. We get free food and drinks and all that stuff, too.”

“Did you invite your brother?”

Oh my _God._ I almost groan out loud but I don’t want to make her upset.

“It was his idea!” I tell her. “I invited Carver _and_ Bethany, and Carver suggested we bring you. Bethy and I thought it was a great idea.”

Mom hums on the other end of the line and I can tell she’s either still confused or doesn’t believe me. Or just doesn’t want to go and she’s thinking of a polite way to tell me that.

“We all really want you to come with us, mom,” I continue before she can say anything. “Merrill and Fenris and Isabela are all coming, too. We have so much fun, we think you’ll really like it.”

“Will I get to meet your boyfriend?” she asks a little slyly. I should have expected this.

“Um, probably not,” I reply with a nervous laugh. “But you can see him? He usually doesn’t get to leave until way after the game is done so...”

“When am I going to meet him, Garrett?” she asks, tacking on a little dramatic sigh of disappointment at the end. “You haven’t even had him over for dinner yet. I have no idea if he’s even real!”

“ _Mom!_ ” I groan. “Let’s worry about dinner some other time, I just want to know if you want to come with us.”

“Let me talk to your brother when he gets home, then I’ll let you know.”

I swear to God, I’m going to crush this phone in my hand. What is _Carver_ going to tell her that I didn’t?

“Why don’t you just call Beth?” She’s at least a voice of reason.

“I’ll talk to you later, honey,” she says, sidestepping the question. “Tell Woofy I said hello.”

“I will,” I grumble. “Bye, mom.”

As soon as I hang up with her, I tap out a quick message to Beth.

 **Me:** _mom didn’t give me an answer, she said she wants to talk to Carver first_

 **Bethany:** _what? why?_

 **Me:** _she probably didn’t believe me when I said I invited him, who knows_

 **Bethany:** _omg. I’ll talk to her when I get home in a bit_

 **Me:** _k. I’ll text Carver and let him know too_

This is so ridiculous.

 **Me:** _I talked to mom, she said she wanted to talk to you first about the game_

 **Carver:** _why?_

Well, at least all of us are confused.

 **Me:** _who knows. She probably just wants to hear it from you that you’re going_

 **Carver:** _omg. okay. I’ll let you know_

I’m just going to assume she’s coming. Worst case scenario, I have an extra ticket. My head is starting to hurt so I decide to just lie down and nap until I hear from Anders. Maybe all this insanity will be sorted out by the time I wake up.

* * *

Anders texts me a little over an hour later, the phone vibrating on my chest nearly causing me to roll off the couch. I really need to stop doing this.

 **Anders:** _hey love, I’m back. Going to stop by my place for a bit and then I’ll come over?_

 **Me:** _yes! <3_

I feel a lot better now, probably from the combination of the nap and knowing Anders is back. I don’t see a message from Carver yet, though, which makes me wonder exactly how that conversation went. Or if he even had it yet.

I’m not sure how long “a bit” is, so I text Anders and ask if he’s already eaten. I haven’t had anything since lunch, and the horror movie noises coming from my stomach are reminding me of that fact. He says he hasn’t, so I decide to surprise him and actually cook something instead of ordering out. I’m totally domestic. He just hasn’t seen much of it yet…

Okay, so maybe grilling isn’t exactly the height of culinary expertise, but I make a pretty mean steak. Woofy would definitely agree with me, so hopefully Anders does too. I’m just finishing the rub when I hear a knock on my door, Woofy bounding towards it with his tail wagging.

“It’s just Anders, boy,” I reassure him with a quick pat.

“Hi, love. And Woofy,” Anders says, stepping into the room before giving me a quick kiss. Woofy demands his own attention so Anders pauses, scratching him behind the ears for a minute before turning to me with a smile.

“Miss me?”

“You know I did,” I reply with a pout, wrapping my arms around him. “I had to spend the _whole day_ alone today.”

“You had Woofy,” he murmurs, giving me another light kiss.

“I guess.” I sigh dramatically, stepping away. “Come on, I was just about to put the steaks on the grill.”

His face lights up at that and all three of us head out to the backyard.

“I wasn’t expecting to come home to a home-cooked meal,” he teases. “You’re going to spoil me.”

“I have a few ideas how you can spoil me tonight.” I raise my eyebrows suggestively to drive the point home. He bursts out laughing and I blush a little, even though I’m grinning too.

“I’m pretty sure I can handle that,” he says, coming over to wrap his arms around me from behind. He plants a small kiss on my neck. “I missed you.”

“You had Justice,” I reply sarcastically. “He’s just as good as Woofy. Kinda.”

Anders presses his face into the crook of my neck and laughs again before giving it a quick nip.

“Fair enough,” he replies. “Do you want me to help with anything?”

I didn’t really _want_ him to do anything, but he’s also becoming very…distracting, wrapped around me the way he is. A little fetch quest can’t hurt.

“Can you go inside and grab me the potatoes? They’re already wrapped in foil on the counter.”

He nods and with one last kiss, heads inside. Woofy stands, tail wagging as he looks between the two of us, trying to decide who he wants to stay with. In the end, he opts to stay with me. I smell like meat. Totally understand, buddy.

* * *

“So,” Anders asks as we’re eating. “What kind of grand plans did you come up with for your week off?”

“Oh, crap!” I shout, digging my phone out of my pocket. I completely forgot to check to see if Carver ever texted me back.

Anders is staring at me in confusion, brows furrowed as he chews.

“Uh, hold on a second,” I mumble. There are new messages, _finally_.

 **Carver:** _mom said yes_

 **Carver:** _she didn’t believe you really invited me_

 **Carver:** _I told her you’re not that much of an asshole_

 **Me:** _that’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me_

 **Carver:** _whatever, just count her in_

Well, that’s settled. Although I have to admit, I’m really sort of annoyed that she didn’t believe me. Why in the hell would I invite her and not Carver? And _tell_ her I invited Carver if it wasn’t true, no less? I’m not that stupid…

“Love?”

Anders put his fork down, frowning at me.

“Sorry.” I grin sheepishly, picking my own fork back up. “That was about part of my plans.”

“Good part or bad part?” he asks, relaxing a little.

“Good,” I manage to get out around a mouth full of food. _Swallow, Garrett_.

“Good,” I repeat once my mouth is clear. “We’re all going to go to the game on Wednesday.”

Anders hums in approval, nodding his head as he chews.

“We’re even going to bring my mom.”

“Oh?”

“It was Carver’s idea, actually,” I snort. “Inviting my mom, I mean. But I think it’ll be fun. She hasn’t been in…God, I don’t even know how many years.”

“Cool,” he says, smiling. “Let me know what you need, I’ll have it ready for you.”

“Nothing fancy,” I shrug. I still feel bizarre asking for _any_ of this. Like it’s totally normal to just ask my boyfriend for a stack of extremely expensive baseball tickets.

“Just the tickets, then?”

“Yes, please.” I take another bite of food as he smiles, pulling out his phone to make a reminder.

“Does she want a shirt?”

My mom isn’t really a “sports shirt” kind of lady, but she might want one. I tell him I’ll ask Beth just to make sure, but probably not.

“She asked about you, actually,” I remark.

“Bethany?”

“No,” I chuckle. “My mom. She asked why she hasn’t met you yet.”

The surprise on Anders’ face takes me back a little. He raises his eyebrows and just sort of blinks at me for a minute, like he can’t believe she would want to do something like that.

“What, um,” he starts, clearing his throat. “What did you tell her?”

Is he _nervous_ about this?

“I didn’t say a whole lot,” I reply with a shrug. “Just that we would talk about it later.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything else, staring at his food as he moves it around on his plate.

“Do you…” he starts, glancing at me quickly before looking away. “Um…do you _want_ her to meet me?”

He furrows his brow immediately, biting his lip, and oh _God_ , my heart is breaking.

I get up and move around to the other side of the table, pulling him up with me. He doesn’t even look at me, just melts into my arms when I wrap them around him.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur into his hair. “Of course I want you to meet her. I’d _love_ for you to meet her. It just…I honestly never thought of it.”

He pulls back, giving me a shaky smile. I feel like crap. It really just never dawned on me that he might be looking at this as some kind of…I don’t know, approval indicator or something. We’ve been together, what…almost three months? And aside from _that_ night, he hasn’t met anyone else in my life.

And, granted, things were on shaky ground there for a while. And he wasn’t exactly giving me the impression he _wanted_ to meet anyone. I don’t think I can be completely blamed, either, especially since I don’t go and visit my mom all that frequently, and I can’t remember the last time I actually brought _anyone_ home to meet her.

But still. I feel bad.

“I’m not upset with you, love,” he says, letting out a deep breath. “I just, um…you know, bad experiences and all that.”

Right. Karl’s parents. I _am_ an idiot.

“My mom is going to _adore_ you,” I whisper, smiling. “Trust me.”

“Okay,” is all he says, giving me a small smile. I wonder how hard it would be to find the Thekla’s and give them a piece of my mind…

“She might end up liking you more than me,” I joke as we sit back down.

“Your mom loves you,” he scoffs.

“I know she does,” I agree, picking at my potato. “But I’m bottom of the totem pole. I’m not her precious _Carver_.”

I roll my eyes and he laughs quietly.

“Funny, considering how you talk about him.”

I nod. “Carver is Mom’s favorite cause he’s the baby. By like…two minutes. She’d never admit that, mind you.”

Anders grins, finishing up his steak. “And you were your dad’s favorite, which means poor Bethany was stuck in the middle?”

“She was _my_ favorite,” I reply, shrugging.

His face softens and he gives me such a fond look I almost have to look away as the flush creeps up my neck.

“I’m sure she appreciated it,” he says quietly. Another couple beats go by and he looks up. “I always wanted a brother or sister. You’re really lucky.”

 _Oh God_. I look up in alarm but he just smiles and goes back to his food. Do I…keep talking? He _never_ brings up his family – or lack thereof – and I never ask. Maybe this is his cue that it’s okay for once.

“You don’t have any siblings?” I finally manage to get out. He shakes his head.

“Not that I know of.”

“You, um…don’t really keep in contact with your parents or anything, huh?” My whole body tenses with the question.

He pauses for a minute, as if thinking, before shaking his head again.

“I barely even remember what they look like.”

 _Oh_. What do I say to that? A million questions are flooding into my head now that he’s giving me these tiny slivers of information. I want to know _more_. I want to know everything about this man, good and bad.

I open my mouth to ask something else but he gives me a strained smile and stands, holding a hand out for my plate.

“Are you done with that, love?”

I guess I am. I hand over my plate and grab the rest of the dirty dishes, following him into the kitchen.

“Just load them in the washer,” I tell him. This dinner has suddenly become very awkward. This isn’t at all how I imagined the evening would go.

I’m still beating myself up as I’m loading the rest of the silverware into the dishwasher when he comes up from behind, wrapping his arms around me again. He doesn’t say anything, just rests his head against my shoulder.

I turn around slowly so I can hold him. I’m nearly overwhelmed with emotions and it hits me again just how deeply I care for him. Maybe even… I don’t know, I probably shouldn’t say it yet. I just…I don’t want him hurting anymore. I want him to be happy.

“Hey, Anders?” I whisper.

“Yeah?” He doesn’t look up when he responds, his voice somewhat muffled in my shirt.

“I, um…” _Just fucking say it, Garrett_. “I just wanted you to know, I, uh…”

I swallow hard and I guess my hesitation must be obvious because he looks at me finally, giving me a confused little smile.

“You what?”

“I…think you’re great.” I finish lamely. I’m going to go lock myself in the other room now.

He furrows his brow, giving me another confused smile.

“Thanks?”

I sigh, pressing a kiss to his head.

“I just want you to know how happy I am you’re in my life.”

He gives me a real smile at that and hugs me tighter for a moment before lifting his eyes back to mine. He searches my face for a few moments and I think he _knows_ what I wanted to say, but he doesn’t let on if he does. He just gives me a long, languid kiss instead.

“Come on, love,” he murmurs, pulling back. “I think it’s time for me to spoil you.”

* * *

As I expected, my mom isn’t the t-shirt type. Gone are my dreams of her as one of those 80-year-old ladies decked out in Champs gear from head to toe. Maybe some year.

She rides over to the stadium with me, Carver (of course), and Merrill, with the others following behind us. I’m thankful Merrill is in the car with me because Mom’s attention is almost solely on her. I spend the entire ride trying not to laugh because Mom acts like she’s hosting a party or something in the car. She keeps asking Merrill (and Carver, to a lesser extent) if she needs anything, if I should adjust the air conditioner, if she brought enough money…on and on and on. Carver is giving her impatient looks in response but Merrill is as bright and cheerful as ever, bless her.

We meet up with everyone else in the parking lot. Beth shoots me a grin as soon as she catches my eyes, which I roll in return.

“How was it?” she asks, gesturing over to where Mom is brushing some non-existent dirt off of Carver’s shoulder.

“I will have you know I kept the temperature in the car at a perfect level,” I reply sarcastically as she bursts into laughter. “I got the Mom and Merrill seal of approval.”

“Good to know,” Beth snorts.

We make our way inside, Mom latched on to Carver’s burly arm as we walk to the elevators. Merrill keeps giggling and shooting him fond looks and I wish I could somehow take a picture of them because Carver is _so red_ from embarrassment right now.

“Mom, stop!” Beth calls, jumping in front of them. “I want to take a picture of you two. Merrill, jump on the other side.” I have to hide my laugh with a cough. That’s my Bethy.

“I’m telling you, I think she’s _your_ twin and not Carver’s,” Bela whispers, suddenly appearing at my side. She’s grinning, Fenris standing next to her with a smirk of his own as Carver uncomfortably poses. Merrill and Mom could be twins of their own, both proudly clutching Carver on either side and giving the camera wide smiles. Carver, on the other hand, looks like he wants to sink into the floor.

“Perfect!” Beth squeals. She turns to the rest of us, giving me a hidden thumbs up. I stifle another laugh before herding everyone to the elevator that’s just opened up.

Mom looks around with polite interest as we make our way to the box but I can tell she isn’t overly interested. It just makes me a little sad, honestly, because I know how excited my dad would have been to experience this.

“Hey, Mom,” I hear Carver say, louder than necessary. “Look at all these players on the signs. Think I could be one?”

There are big banners featuring the starters hanging around the stadium, just about eye-level with where we’re walking. Mom doesn’t even give them a glance, patting Carver’s arm and smiling up at him.

“You can be whatever you want, sweetie.”

Carver shoots me a slightly frantic look out of the corner of his eye and I realize that he must have picked up on the same mood I did.

“You’re _ver-ry_ strong, Carver,” Merrill agrees. “I bet you could hit the ball like, um…”

“Blackwall!” Beth jumps in quickly, saving her. “We’ll point him out to you, Mom. He could be an older version of Carver.”

I try not to snort, remembering Blackwall at the All-Star Game. Definitely older Carver.

We finally reach the box and at least _that_ draws a reaction out of her. Maybe it’s just the air conditioning, but she seems much more impressed.

“This is where you watch the games?” she asks, running her hand over the leather couch in the lounge area. “I had no idea it was this nice here.”

“Well, just the last few games,” I answer, a little uncomfortably. “Usually we sit in the seats out there,” - I point to the stands through the glass door – “but Anders has this box and he never really uses it, so…”

She raises her eyebrows, turning to look at me.

“He has that much money, then?”

I can feel my face burning and I have no idea what to say. This isn’t really the time for me to explain to her how I’m not dating him for his money – I hate even _thinking_ about his money, most of the time – but she’s not going to let this go without an answer.

“Mom, he’s like…one of the richest guys in baseball,” Carver snorts from behind us. I sigh, shaking my head. Thanks, brother.

“It’s not a big deal, Mom,” Beth says, shooting Carver a dirty look. “It probably came as part of his trade deal or something. Anders is really generous, letting us use it all the time. He’s not one of those stuck-up rich celebrities or anything.”

This is why she’s my favorite.

Mom just lets out a small hum, giving me another look that tells me she’s going to be grilling me for more information later. What did she expect, though? That he was making as much as I do at the bakery?

Beth guides her over to the food, trying to distract her when I notice that Fenris isn’t around. I finally spot him out on the deck after a few moments and head out there, hoping he just wanted some fresh air or something. The look he gives me tells me that’s not the case.

“Sorry,” I murmur. I’m not exactly sure what I’m apologizing for, but I’m hoping it’ll help.

“I see your mother hasn’t been regaled with the all-mighty Anders stories that we have.”

_Ouch._

“I don’t talk to her all that often,” I reply, trying to act casual. He opens his mouth to say something back but I can see him catch himself, snapping it shut. Right. Not like I’ve been talking to anyone all that often, I guess.

“You don’t have to like…watch the game or anything, if you don’t want,” I tell him. He glances at me out of the corner of his eye and I kind of smile sheepishly back. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine, Hawke,” he replies after a few moments, giving me a small smile. “I wouldn’t have agreed to come at all if I thought I couldn’t handle it.”

“ _Ohthankgod_ ,” I exhale all at once. He lets out a snort and I grin back.

“I just…really wanted you here. It’s not the same without the whole gang together.”

Beth takes that moment to open the door, guiding Mom out to the deck.

“We can sit out here and see the field, Mom,” she says loudly. “If you want to see Anders in action. And, you know, everyone else.”

“Oh, I like these better!”

“You do?” Beth and I both exclaim at the same time. Mom just chuckles and pats Beth’s arm.

“If I’m going to be at a baseball game, I want to _feel_ like I’m at a baseball game,” she explains, smiling at me. “And I’ll be able to see Garrett’s sweetheart so much better.”

Beth tries to disguise her snort of laughter into a cough and I feel my face flush all over again. Who even _says_ that anymore?

“You can sit up here with me, Mom,” I tell her, knowing I’ll most likely end up regretting it. I lead her to the front row in our section and gesture for her (and Beth) to sit.

“What do you want to eat? I’ll get it and bring it back.”

“Oh, whatever you’re having,” she says with a dismissive wave. Thank God she said that to me and not Carver or we’d be out of food before the game even started. I exchange a look with Beth and, judging by her grin, she was thinking the same thing.

Fenris takes a seat next to Beth as I make my way back into the room. Bela and Merrill are sitting on a couch, chatting animatedly while Carver loads up a tray of food to take outside.

“I hope some of that’s for Merrill,” I say to him, taking up a tray of my own.

“Shut up,” he mutters. He pauses briefly before adding, “She barely wanted anything.” He grabs a couple more things anyway and I decide to be the decent one and not reply, picking through the heaps of food for my own choices.

The trio follows me out to the deck after I finish, Carver and Merrill sitting on the other side of Mom. Beth moves the others down a seat so I’m sitting between her and Mom and I shoot her a playful glare as I sit. Beth probably got her all riled up while I was gone.

We wait for the pre-game stuff to finish and the players to take the field before we finally settle in and I pass out the food. Now that the game’s actually starting I’m feeling excited again, happy that I have everyone here with me.

“That’s Anders throwing the ball, Mom,” I announce, pointing. She gives a small hum in acknowledgment as she watches him.

“He looks tall.”

“He is,” I agree. “He’s a little taller than me, but not a whole lot.”

She makes that same noise again, biting into a chicken finger as she squints her eyes, staring. She looks so much like Carver when she does that and I bite back a laugh. I don’t feel like having to explain it and risk both of them getting offended for no reason…although Mom would probably take it as a compliment.

The game is relatively uneventful, and I’m not sure if I’m thankful for that or not. I really want Mom to see Anders in full Anders-ness, but at the same time, I don’t think I’d enjoy the game as much if I wasn’t able to concentrate on it fully.

Bethany tugs on my arm after another couple innings, gesturing for me to join her as she grabs some more food.

“How’s it going?” She grins as we walk up the steps.

“So far, Mom thinks Anders is tall, skinny, and his hair is too long to play baseball,” I inform her matter-of-factly. “I also think she’s asked Carver approximately 507 times if he’s having fun.”

Beth cackles at that, bracing herself against the wall as she laughs.

“What type of family event would it be without Mom obsessing over Carver’s well-being?” she sighs. “Has she tried to wipe dirt off his face yet?”

“Several times.”

“Poor Merrill,” she chuckles. “I hope she doesn’t get any ideas.”

“She’s just been giggling,” I tell her. I think Merrill is smart enough to realize Carver isn’t enjoying the attention.

We both grab some food for everyone, most of the platters having been refreshed at some point while we were outside. It’s only the fourth inning, but the game is going fast and I realize I haven’t really done a whole lot of socializing with anyone else.

“How’s Fenris doing?” I ask her.

She shrugs, grabbing two boxes of popcorn.

“He’s been fine, honestly,” she says. “Better than I expected. He’s been laughing and joking with Bela and I the whole game.”

I nearly drop the hot dog in my hand as I gape at her.

“Okay, you know I asked about _Fenris_ , right?” I ask, incredulous. “Fenris doesn’t laugh and joke.”

“We’ve been making fun of _you_ half the night,” Beth retorts with a smirk.

“That’s rude. You should be making fun of Carver, not your esteemed host.”

“Our esteemed host is on the mound,” she points out, waving a hand at me in dismissal. “And Carver has enough on his plate today.”

“True,” I admit. “I’m happy to hear that, though.”

“That we’re making fun of you?”

“That Fenris is happy.” I roll my eyes at her. “I’m used to you making fun of me.”

“You know we love you anyway,” she grins, balancing her tray. “Why don’t you switch seats with me when we get back? I’ll give you a break from Mom.”

“Have I ever told you you’re the best sister ever?”

“I’ll remember that the next time you ask me to cover your shift.”

I give her a playful shove as we make our way back to our seats. I let her go in ahead of me, passing out the food she grabbed before moving to sit in my seat. Mom cranes her neck over to look for me, frowning slightly.

“Hi, Mom!” Beth greets her brightly, no doubt noticing her reaction. “Garrett’s fine, don’t worry.”

She relaxes a bit, patting Beth on the leg. “Hello, dear. Are you having fun?”

I nearly choke on my hot dog and Beth gives me a sharp kick to the calf as she smiles sweetly in response.

“I’m not giving you CPR,” comes the droll voice to my left. I turn my head to see Fenris smirking at me. Bela leans across him, grinning.

“ _I_ will, Hawkey, don’t you worry.” Fenris gently pushes her back over and she laughs, giving him a quick peck on the head. I just shake my head, feeling a twinge of jealousy in my stomach, so I turn back to the game and focus on Anders as he walks out to the mound.

“He’s having a good game,” Fenris comments after a couple of pitches, and I’m so startled I almost ask _who?_

“…Yeah,” I finally manage to croak out, earning a huff of laughter from my side.

“Just stating facts, Hawke,” he says. “No need to panic.”

“I’m not panicking!” I nearly shout, earning looks from everyone. I’m only _semi-_ panicking. No need to escalate this. I see Mom lean forward, about to say something, but Carver (gently) pulls her back.

“He’s fine, Mom,” I hear Carver mutter. “Just freaking out over his boyfriend, as usual.” Beth gives him a thumbs up behind Mom’s head. I slump a little lower in my seat.

“I’m not panicking _or_ freaking out,” I mumble. Sulking, maybe. But a second later Anders makes an _awesome_ diving catch and I’m out of my seat, cheering.

“That was lovely, Garrett!” Mom exclaims, clapping her hands together.

“I don’t know if Anders would call it _lovely_ ,” Beth laughs.

“You should tell him he’s lovely when you meet him, Mom,” I tell her, grinning. I notice Beth kind of go stiff at my side, eyes flicking to Fenris. Mom doesn’t notice it, though.

“Don’t you tease me, Garrett, you’re just like your father,” she scoffs. “I _will_ tell him he’s lovely. _In person_.”

Fenris lets out a quiet laugh and I relax as Bethany shoots me a grin, mirroring my relief. I’m suddenly overwhelmed with happiness. I’m here with my family and my closest friends, watching my amazing boyfriend do what he does best. My family, who actually wants to _meet_ the most important person in my life at the moment, and who he wants to meet back.

Maybe he deserves a little old-fashioned Hawke welcome.

“Hey, Mom?” I call out, grinning widely. “You know what? When you meet him, you should treat Anders _exactly_ like Carver.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not plan on posting this on Christmas, it just weirdly timed out to today, but I'm not complaining! I can't believe I haven't posted since August, especially since this chapter has been like 2/3 written since then. Life has just been kicking my ass. 
> 
> This chapter was originally supposed to span the entire length of Garrett's week off, but once I got to around 8k words (and almost 5 months *cough*) I decided to split it in half. So a big (and, imo, very cute) part of the next chapter is already done, and I'm hoping that will help me keep the ball rolling! 
> 
> I promise I will not tease you all about Anders' past forever. I _promise!_
> 
> Everything to do with Carver was my fave about this chapter lmao. 
> 
> Thank you all who are still reading (and any new people who may have jumped on board!) <3 Your comments and love mean the world to me! I have so, so, SO much more I still want to write for this world, I'm literally counting down the weeks (17) until grad school is over forever and I will have so much more time for writing again. Hearing from you all is the best and what really keeps me going, so thank you again <3 I hope you all enjoy the holidays, whatever you're celebrating (and if you're not celebrating anything, I hope you're doing wonderful all the same!)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Mirror Image](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4928164) by [asrundream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asrundream/pseuds/asrundream), [draco_illius_noctis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/draco_illius_noctis/pseuds/draco_illius_noctis)
  * [Game Seven](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10921461) by [chubbyhawke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chubbyhawke/pseuds/chubbyhawke)




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